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  1. - Top - End - #931
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by planswalker View Post
    If you think this could make a fusion bomb in our world, you clearly don't understand the science behind one.
    I don't think that this could produce a fusion bomb. I do know that it will provide hydrogen which is one of many requirements of the fusion bomb. I know that this is not enough, I also know that the look on the dm's face when the party artificer did just that justified me keeping my mouth shut about what I do know about physics.

    For the record I do not claim to know more than the basics of how a fusion bomb works. Nor do I claim to be capable of building one. If I were capable, I would not be discussing it on an internet forum anyway for fear that the black helicopters would descend on my house

    *I may not become king
    *if I do become king I may not make the official written language of my kingdom be Explosive Runes, even though this would result in much less paperwork.
    *I might hold a degree in mechanical engineering in real life, my barbarian does not, as such he may not engineer solutions to every problem encountered.
    *A cannon is not a "wheeled lockpick"
    *If asked for my invitation to a party that I was not invited to my response cannot be to blow up the building.

    *If despite all of my lawbreaking the town guard refuses to attempt to arrest me due to the fear of what I did to the last set of guards to try it, my alignment will be set at chaotic evil.

    *the folowing shows are no longer permitted to influence my charecter:
    Monty Python, Star Wars, Star Trek, Spaceballs, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Indiana Jones, Hogan's Heroes, Get Smart, Robin Hood, anything that ever at any point appeared on telivision, or in written literature, or in cave paintings.
    * I must stop referencing other works

    *my character may not have a catchphrase

    *My bard may never again say this line or any variation therof, "What do you mean violence isn't the answer? I find two things wrong with that statment, the negative and the grammar. Of course violins are the answer." (folowed by hitting the BBEG over the head with a violin)
    **repeating this horrible pun ever again will result in me being beaten to death with a chello.
    Warning!! This poster makes frequent use of Sarcasm, Jokes, and Exaggeration. He intends no offense.

  2. - Top - End - #932
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Sgt. Cookie's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord_Gareth View Post
    *Using Smite Evil with a whip while crying out, "Kneel before your master!" is not acceptable behavior for a paladin.
    **Smite Good on the other hand...
    Open the lid and snatch a homebrewed treat from Cookie's Jar

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  3. - Top - End - #933
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * I may no longer describe the scene in David Attenborough's voice.
    ** The same goes for Morgan Freeman
    *** Ditto for James Earl Jones, Hal Douglas, Mike Rowe, Alan Alda…
    **** You know what, if I try to describe a scene as any actor or narrator, the players are now allowed to punch me in the throat.
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  4. - Top - End - #934
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Techwarrior's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
    Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
    The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
    Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
    Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
    Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

    I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.
    Last edited by Techwarrior; 2012-07-14 at 02:39 AM.

  5. - Top - End - #935
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Techwarrior View Post
    I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.
    ** I may run an entire session speaking in a monotone
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  6. - Top - End - #936
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Riverdance's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Techwarrior View Post
    My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
    Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
    The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
    Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
    Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
    Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

    I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.
    *I may not base the dwarf king's accent on Fat Bastard.
    Many thanks to Ceika for my Avatar

  7. - Top - End - #937
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Esprit15's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    *If I am playing a foreigner, I must not always make their real world equivilent French.

    **Even if it makes sense.

    *May not take up another language just to have something different.

    **Especially if it doesn't use our alphabet.
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  8. - Top - End - #938
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Flame of Anor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Craft (Cheese) View Post
    It was a pit fiend of all things, actually.
    Wait, wait, are you telling me that a paladin character actually drew blood from a pit fiend by attacking it with his manhood?
    R.I.P.

    Quote Originally Posted by WampaX View Post
    It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.
    avatar by me. Extended sig here.

  9. - Top - End - #939
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Techwarrior's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Techwarrior View Post
    My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
    Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
    The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
    Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
    Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
    Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

    I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.
    Also, swapping languages because I know the party didn't know the language is rude. Particularly if I do so more than three times a sentence

  10. - Top - End - #940
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Cealocanth's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    I am not allowed to do a fairly major plot exposition doing my best imitation of GLaDOS for several hours.

    * this includes if the plot exposer is an AI or other non-human device.

    I am not allowed to have Microsoft Sam do the voices for my Warforged NPCs.

  11. - Top - End - #941
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Flame of Anor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Cealocanth View Post
    I am not allowed to do a fairly major plot exposition doing my best imitation of GLaDOS for several hours.

    * this includes if the plot exposer is an AI or other non-human device.

    I am not allowed to have Microsoft Sam do the voices for my Warforged NPCs.
    **Clippy is right out.
    R.I.P.

    Quote Originally Posted by WampaX View Post
    It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.
    avatar by me. Extended sig here.

  12. - Top - End - #942
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Craft (Cheese)'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame of Anor View Post
    Wait, wait, are you telling me that a paladin character actually drew blood from a pit fiend by attacking it with his manhood?
    * I don't care what you intend to use them for, you may not buy silvered condoms!

  13. - Top - End - #943
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Man on Fire's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * Cannot base my artificer on Doctor Insano
    ** Or Doktor Sleepless for that matter
    *** Cannot combine Bard and Artificer and base him on Doctor Horrible
    **** Basing him on Doctor Steel is right out.
    Last edited by Man on Fire; 2012-07-15 at 04:24 AM.

  14. - Top - End - #944
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    *My character's ethos cannot be "because I'm a prick."
    ** Not even if he's NE.
    ***The best use of my standard action is not "to screw over as many people as possible."

    *I cannot use Alter Self to trick the Paladin into sleeping with me.
    **Especially if he's conservative
    ***If said Paladin refuses to enter conjugal relations before marriage, I may not devote all my effort to tricking him into marrying me.
    ****If I do break the above rules, my overall goal is not to make him fall.
    *****If this results in my death, I deserve everything I get.
    *****+If the (ex)Paladin failed to see through a plan that spent five minutes in the sun on a hot day and got called dinner, he deserves everything he got.
    ******If anyone understands the above idiom, they deserve a cookie.

  15. - Top - End - #945
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Wraith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Ksheep View Post
    **** You know what, if I try to describe a scene as any actor or narrator, the players are now allowed to punch me in the throat.
    * Must not point out that legendary British monologer Ronnie Corbett is, technically, none of those things due to being retired....
    ** Also that Pee-Wee Herman is the character, not the actor.

    * Must not challenge the DM's decisions by calling his wife in from the other room and having her harangue him until he relents.
    Head Coach of The Ironbeards
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  16. - Top - End - #946
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    *Even if my Villain is a master of disguise he cannot pretend to be a super hero known as the "Human Sub"
    **Even if he is dressed as a sub sandwich and has two condiment guns that shoot mayo and mustard.
    **Also cannot pretend to be KungFu Chicken Noodle, a man who fights crime ever since he was trapped inside a large soup can.
    Haggis is Sheep's stomach filled with its intestines.

  17. - Top - End - #947
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Arutema's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the incident with the Red mantis.

    * May not seduce anyone named "Eats What He Kills".

    * No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the second incident with the Red Mantis.

  18. - Top - End - #948
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Flame of Anor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Jivundus View Post
    *****+If the (ex)Paladin failed to see through a plan that spent five minutes in the sun on a hot day and got called dinner, he deserves everything he got.
    ******If anyone understands the above idiom, they deserve a cookie.
    Because it's half-baked?
    R.I.P.

    Quote Originally Posted by WampaX View Post
    It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.
    avatar by me. Extended sig here.

  19. - Top - End - #949
    Banned
     
    Morithias's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * As a DM I cannot justify all the dungeons being filled with tons of loot due to "on every June 25th the anti-santa delivers presents to all the evil girls and boys".
    ** An exception to the above rule will be made if the normal santa gives gifts to the heroes when december 25th comes around.
    *** As a player if the anti-santa exists, I may not hunt down his workshop and just rob him.

  20. - Top - End - #950
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Socratov's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Morithias View Post
    * As a DM I cannot justify all the dungeons being filled with tons of loot due to "on every June 25th the anti-santa delivers presents to all the evil girls and boys".
    ** An exception to the above rule will be made if the normal santa gives gifts to the heroes when december 25th comes around.
    *** As a player if the anti-santa exists, I may not hunt down his workshop and just rob him.
    It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.

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  21. - Top - End - #951
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Flame of Anor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Socratov View Post
    It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.
    What's wrong with the happy ones?
    R.I.P.

    Quote Originally Posted by WampaX View Post
    It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.
    avatar by me. Extended sig here.

  22. - Top - End - #952
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Craft (Cheese)'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame of Anor View Post
    What's wrong with the happy ones?
    Well, think about it: If you had to kill Santa, would you be very happy about it?

  23. - Top - End - #953
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame of Anor View Post
    What's wrong with the happy ones?
    The happy ones are the evil ones… although I'm sure they'd like to kill Anti-Santa as well so they can hoard all the evil people's goodies for themselves
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  24. - Top - End - #954
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Doorhandle's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    *May not become bad-santa.
    *There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.
    Have a deviantart!
    Can't write. Can't plan. Can draw a little.
    Quote Originally Posted by Craft (Cheese) View Post
    "In his free time, he gates in Balors just so he can kill and eat them later!"

  25. - Top - End - #955
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Doorhandle View Post
    *May not become bad-santa.
    *There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.
    ** No, badass Santa is NOT Chuck Norris…
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  26. - Top - End - #956
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Craft (Cheese)'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Doorhandle View Post
    *There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.
    ** Yes there is, her name is the GM. I'll happily give a reward for player creativity!
    *** "Reward for player creativity" may or may not consist of falling rocks.

  27. - Top - End - #957
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    Quote Originally Posted by Flame of Anor View Post
    Because it's half-baked?
    And the cookie is won.


    Quote Originally Posted by Socratov
    It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.
    *This is not an excuse to use a certain Dr Seuss book as the plotline.
    *No, your bard doesn't habitually speak in rhyme.
    **Especially if he's an Awakened Anthropomorphic cat.
    ***If you must break the above rule, under no circumstances may he wear a hat or cast Conjuration [Summoning] spells.
    ****That's it. Dactylic trimetre for all dialogue, no exceptions.

  28. - Top - End - #958
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    *If the key to defeating the BBEG is the power of friendship, I must learn to accept that my players are doomed to failure.
    ** This includes if their backstories say they are friends.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  29. - Top - End - #959
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * I may not make Glasses of Disguise using the alternate body slot rules for magic items.
    ** Said glasses do not provide my extremely well known, super strength character with a secret identity.
    *** Especially if all it does is change my brightly colored leotard into a suit, brush my hair back, and make it so I'm wearing a pair of glasses…
    Proud owner of: 0.36 0.43 0.99 Internet(s), 2 Win(s), and 3000 Brownie Point(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by Welknair View Post
    *Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

    *It does.*

    What.

  30. - Top - End - #960
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    LaughingGnoll's Avatar

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

    * I must have "Common" (English) as a known language, even if I could proficiently speak an entire game of D&D in another language
    ** Having this proficiency means you have to use it
    * If you want to play as a construct, you aren't allowed to have said construct develop "feelings for other characters"
    ** Extended to other constructs as well
    * Just because the game is "non-serious" or "just for laughs" doesn't mean you can make a monk who's only form of combat is removing clothing from all enemies in order to humiliate them
    * Having a fighter who is "suspicious of magic" doesn't allow you to threaten to kill every caster in the party whenever they cast a spell
    ** I am no longer allowed to cause lethal damage to my fellow party members (without reasonable cause)
    *** Reasonable cause is now up to a vote put solely to the entire party
    *A mount with a burrow speed isn't able to be ridden while burrowing

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