Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

[Ksheep]

Party Rogue trying to be clever: "What's a lollipop?"

********* Mmphmh mhphem mhmr mmmph mmhrmr!

[toapat]

********Actually, it's Sunny the Hateful Burn that's the god of lollipops

*********I will not accept Errata

[Arbane]

********* Mmphmh mhphem mhmr mmmph mmhrmr!

********** No matter how big it is, a lollipop does club damage, not axe damage.

[enderlord99]

*I will not overuse asterisks.

[toapat]

*I will not overuse asterisks.

**Asterisks shall become an endangered Punctuation before the end of this topic
***I must use as many as i can before they do so
****Use MOAR

[Riverdance]

*Rule #23 of Riverdance playing barbarians: the Halfling is not a toy
**This goes doubly for gnomes.
***Even if they ask to be thrown into combat as a many-pointed projectile I am to politely decline.

[Techwarrior]

If I do throw another party member, they cannot activate Skirmish from the movement.
They also do not get to make a full attack.
Dealing Hulking Hurler damage as well is just rude.

[Sith_Happens]

* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not Gangnam Style.
* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not the Caramelldansen.
* Otto's Irresistable Dance is most definitely not the Hamster Dance.
* I may no longer cast Otto's Irresistable Dance.
** "Perform the Caramelldansen" is not a reasonable Suggestion.
*** No more Enchantment spells for me.

[Bayar]

* No longer allowed to ready an action to cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter when a flying enemy is on the opposite end of a deep chasm.
* Not allowed to say anything that Dives said.
** Especially yelling "HANDLE IT !"
*** Not allowed to quote anything Hobss ever said, under any circumstances.
* Mare Curie is not an acceptable name for any kind of character I make.
* Before starting the campaign, I have to specify my character's gender.
* If I claim to be a sorcerer, at least the DM should be informed I am actually a bard with ranks in bluff and disguise.
** Not allowed to claim I'm an elven sorceress when I'm a male dwarf bard.
*** Nor will I ever, EVER, attempt to roleplay such a character.
* There is no such thing as a sawed off sniper rifle.
** Or a double barreled Sniper Rifle.
*** Not allowed to combine the two and add a bayonet to the end of it.
* Not allowed to have a bayonet attached to the end of my greatsword, spear, or any other melee weapon.
* Just because the DM dared me to use a dwarven urgosh without proficiency or two weapon fighting doesn't mean I should accept.
* When I use "The Wanderer" as a nickname for my character, the DM has to know which wanderer I'm referencing.
** Not allowed to play a warrior that is possessed by the BBEG.
* When playing Tomb of Horrors, not allowed to just charge across corridors.
* My warlock does not have to shout "ELDRITCH BLAST" every time he uses the ability.
** Cannot shoot Eldritch Blasts from any body part except my hands.
* When using spider Climb, I have to use my whole limbs to stay attached, not allowed to walk upright at a 90 degree angle.

[Riverdance]

* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not Gangnam Style.
* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not the Caramelldansen.
* Otto's Irresistable Dance is most definitely not the Hamster Dance.
* I may no longer cast Otto's Irresistable Dance.
** "Perform the Caramelldansen" is not a reasonable Suggestion.
*** No more Enchantment spells for me.

**Otto's Irresistible Dance is always Gangnam Style!

[BootStrapTommy]

*Bears do not speak common.
**No, my bear cannot use his high Bluff skill to fake speaking common.
***No, my bear cannot use his high Disguise skill to pretend to be a human.
****No, the party may not have the one guy whose Spot check beat my Disguise check be dragged off as a lunatic for going "Hey, that's not a man. That's a bear!!"
*****No, my mount cannot be a bear. If I do, there will be bear cubs. BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!!!

[Rockphed]

*Bears do not speak common.
**No, my bear cannot use his high Bluff skill to fake speaking common.
***No, my bear cannot use his high Disguise skill to pretend to be a human.
****No, the party may not have the one guy whose Spot check beat my Disguise check be dragged off as a lunatic for going "Hey, that's not a man. That's a bear!!"

*****My disguise does not consist of a blue coat and an unhealthy obsession with Marmalade.

* Mare Curie is not an acceptable name for any kind of character I make.

**I may not make an alchemist with a bad indian accent named Mary Curry.

* If I claim to be a sorcerer, at least the DM should be informed I am actually a bard with ranks in bluff and disguise.
** Not allowed to claim I'm an elven sorceress when I'm a male dwarf bard.

*** Claiming I'm a dwarf bard pretending to be an elven sorceress, when I am actually an elven sorceress is likewise prohibited.
**** I may no longer take disguise or bluff.
***** Or illusion spells.

[Socratov]

*Bears do not speak common.
**No, my bear cannot use his high Bluff skill to fake speaking common.
***No, my bear cannot use his high Disguise skill to pretend to be a human.
****No, the party may not have the one guy whose Spot check beat my Disguise check be dragged off as a lunatic for going "Hey, that's not a man. That's a bear!!"
*****No, my mount cannot be a bear. If I do, there will be bear cubs. BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!!!

** NO I can't have a butler cohort who will convey my wishes to the party
***No,I have not been knighted, or otherwise elevated to a status where a title is granted
****I am hencheforth forbidden to have any kind of contact with the aristocracy

[Kane0]

*Bears do not speak common.
**No, my bear cannot use his high Bluff skill to fake speaking common.
***No, my bear cannot use his high Disguise skill to pretend to be a human.
****No, the party may not have the one guy whose Spot check beat my Disguise check be dragged off as a lunatic for going "Hey, that's not a man. That's a bear!!"

All these have happened in our current sandbox campaign. Hes an antipaladin in our evil party and we are having a blast

anywho,
*I will not abuse my right to use the ToB in our PF game just to prove that a crusader i made in 10 minutes out of the box beats the carefully planned paladin.
**Especially if it is only by using Thicket of Blades and similar Maneuvers
***Especially if i am convincing enough to persuade the DM into implementing ToB into the game fully, complete with TPK initiator encounters because he isnt quite familar with ToB enough to balance it against pitting us against fighters
****This is not an excuse to in turn Buff up the PF non-ToB classes.
*****You know what, lets just forget my right to use the ToB

[Man on Fire]

Good to see Sir Bearington is known here.

* Cannot make Monk with maximized Grapple and Lucha Libre Mask
** Cannot have name that says "Landshark" in Mexican.
*** Cannot jump at the dragon, yelling "FOR THE HONOR OF THE MASK!", grapple him even, when he flies up, make him fall from hundreds of meters, barerly survive and pin him down.
**** Cannot be declared the winner by another party member.
***** Cannot do that at third level.

[Ksheep]

* I may not institute a coloring system for gnomes, indicating how dangerous they are
** This coloring system is not multi-colored hats, with yellow being most tame (stealing shinies) while red is more dangerous (messing with explosives, but doesn't realize that actions have consequences) and black being the most deadly (natural-born magical ability, no regards to life)
*** The BBEG may not be a black-hat gnome who escaped solitary confinement and (somehow) passed himself off as a dwarf
**** No, the dwarves did NOT banish him after he nearly destroyed the nation, only for xenophobic elves to rescue him so he could plot his revenge against the gnomes and the dwarves
***** Said gnome cannot be named Discord

****** The note found clenched in the hand of a person who had been turned to stone does NOT have the lyrics to Eurobeat Brony's "Discord" written on it.
******* Nor is the refrain of "Luna" written in blood on the walls of the house that above gnome was banished to before being rescued.

[Riverdance]

*My barbarian may not dress like a luchador
**This goes double for anything anything remotely similar to the WWE.
***The WGWE (World Gnome Wrestling Entertainment Inc.) does not exist, and never shall.
****It doesn't matter how lucrative it would be.

[Ksheep]

* My Dwarven Ranger may not have Favored Enemy: Tree
** Nor may he have Favored Enemy: Carp
*** Favored Enemy: Elephant is right out

* Dwarf Bread does not consist of 50% rock (it's more like 75%)

[toapat]

* My Dwarven Ranger may not have Favored Enemy: Tree
** Nor may he have Favored Enemy: Carp
*** Favored Enemy: Elephant is right out

* Dwarf Bread does not consist of 50% rock (it's more like 75%)

****Dwarves may have Favored Enemy: Plant
*****This can not translate into an irrational terror of trees

**Dwarf cooking ingredients consist of water, Mushrooms, and Rock

[Riverdance]

****Dwarves may have Favored Enemy: Plant
*****This can not translate into an irrational terror of trees

**Dwarf cooking ingredients consist of water, Mushrooms, and Rock

***My dwarf cannot put some rocks in a pot of boiling water, call it stone soup, and try to pass it off as an ethnic dish.
****My half-orc's "fillet o' elf" special, is right out.
*****As are Gnome Mcnuggets
******And "Halfling-Sour Pickles"
*******My character's goal may not be to cook all the core races
********No more Profession(Cook) for me

[Ksheep]

***My dwarf cannot put some rocks in a pot of boiling water, call it stone soup, and try to pass it off as an ethnic dish.
****My half-orc's "fillet o' elf" special, is right out.
*****As are Gnome Mcnuggets
******And "Halfling-Sour Pickles"
*******My character's goal may not be to cook all the core races
********No more Profession(Cook) for me

********* My character's goal isn't to cook their way through all the "Races of" books either.
********** Nor is it to cook their way through all the monster manuals
*********** It most definitely is not to cook their way through the Fiend Folio, Fiendish Codex, or Elder Evils

[toapat]

***My dwarf cannot put some rocks in a pot of boiling water, call it stone soup, and try to pass it off as an ethnic dish.
****My half-orc's "fillet o' elf" special, is right out.
*****As are Gnome Mcnuggets
******And "Halfling-Sour Pickles"
*******My character's goal may not be to cook all the core races
********No more Profession(Cook) for me

****He may pass it off, but the bluff check is at -30 and anything worse then a natural 21 is a failure

*****Of course not, Fillet of Elf is too small for orc, Orc prefer Fillet of Child

[Arbane]

********* My character's goal isn't to cook their way through all the "Races of" books either.
********** Nor is it to cook their way through all the monster manuals
*********** It most definitely is not to cook their way through the Fiend Folio, Fiendish Codex, or Elder Evils

* Deities and Demigods is RIGHT OUT.

[Techwarrior]

My dwarf monk may not fluff his unarmed attacks as strikes with his beard.
My dwarf fighter may not take Weapon Focus (Beard), Weapon Specialization (Beard), Greater Weapon Focus (Beard), and Greater Weapon Specialization (Beard). Doing so does not make him a Beardmaster.
Beards do not qualify for Exotic Weapon Master under any circumstances, and likewise does not make him a Beardmaster.
I may not take the Stunning Fist and Fiery Fists feat chains and talk the DM into allowing them to instead apply to my Beard.
I cannot circumvent these rules by tying any of the following into my beard: knives, bangles, or razors. Or any other weapon for that matter.
Thickly tied braids are NOT how you make a dwarf beard a masterwork weapon, apparently that involves tying fancy rings into it.

[Reltzik]

*I will not overuse asterisks.

* My Virtual Adept may not use "obfuscated C" as a focus.
** The Storyteller does NOT need the program presented to him line by line. *** Even if I DID spend an hour and a half writing it out before the session.
**** ESPECIALLY if I spent an hour and a half writing it out before the session.
***** My out-of-character quips are neither "comments" nor "asserts".
****** The malloc command does NOT allow me to implant new memories in my opponents.
******* Never, ever, ever again to offend the Storyteller's programmer sensibilities by having the first line in my Virtual Adept's program be the declaration of a septuple pointer.

[Rockphed]

******* Never, ever, ever again to offend the Storyteller's programmer sensibilities by having the first line in my Virtual Adept's program be the declaration of a septuple pointer.

So that would be a pointer to a (pointer to a (pointer to a (pointer to a (pointer to a (pointer to a (value))))))? Alternatively, it could be a 7 dimensional array.

[Riverdance]

My dwarf monk may not fluff his unarmed attacks as strikes with his beard.
My dwarf fighter may not take Weapon Focus (Beard), Weapon Specialization (Beard), Greater Weapon Focus (Beard), and Greater Weapon Specialization (Beard). Doing so does not make him a Beardmaster.
Beards do not qualify for Exotic Weapon Master under any circumstances, and likewise does not make him a Beardmaster.
I may not take the Stunning Fist and Fiery Fists feat chains and talk the DM into allowing them to instead apply to my Beard.
I cannot circumvent these rules by tying any of the following into my beard: knives, bangles, or razors. Or any other weapon for that matter.
Thickly tied braids are NOT how you make a dwarf beard a masterwork weapon, apparently that involves tying fancy rings into it.

**Strangly, strangling enemies with my braided hair and/or beard is legitimate, but it requires one hell of a grapple check, not to mention the Endurance check to withstand the hair ripping.
***I am not to dub this maneuver "Rapunzel's Fury."
****No, not even if my character is named Rapunzel.

[Flame of Anor]

Given that we're at 48 pages, it may be time to start suggesting subtitles for the next thread. Feel free to check the last few pages of the previous thread for idea (link in OP).

[Sith_Happens]

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: This Thread Powered by Decanters of Endless Water

[Esprit15]

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: This Thread Powered by Decanters of Endless Water

I second this. Too many shenanigans, and I swear a quarter of the things here really are 'Decanters of Endless *insert fluid here*'