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[Elder Tsofu]

I have to say that what I truly enjoyed the most about this kickstarter was this thread and what I will coin as "The Ballad of the Rich Baker".

I thought someone had to collect the scattered texts from 'the Epic poem chronicling the rise, fall, imprisonment, and aftermath of The Dawn of the Playground: War of the Rich Baker'. A work like that should be saved for generations to come.

The parts are not in chronological quote order since I took the liberty of sorting them.

Collected verses and recollections regarding the fall of Rich Baker:

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A much better story would have him choosing the Rich Baker, the horrible amalgamation that was born in the early days of the Playground that required all 10s of us (at the time) to slay . . . mainly by reading the FAQ and getting Rich's last name correct.

But some say the Rich Baker lurks in the shadows of the site, biding its time, waiting for the perfect moment to erupt back into this world and slay its parental counterparts, taking the names of both and forging the most powerful gaming empire this or any other age has ever seen!

The early mods dealt harshly with those that proffered such preposterous prophecy. We routed the cult enclaves that clung to the name, but in the process I lost my eye and several of the initial mods fell to the foul powers wielded by the agents of the beast.

The times of prosperity that followed saw the rise of new mods to take the call and maintain the peace. Many years have past since those days of war and bloodshed . . . they occasionally still haunt my dreams. But as long as the tale of the Rich Baker is passed from generation to generation and the playground knows to be wary and watchful, the foretold reckoning can be delayed. As long as the last poster on the last day of the playgrounds existence does not forget, the Rich Baker can never win.

Beware! Beware!
The children of the 'ground
For there walks among you
A beast t'was bound.
It slinks and slides
Between the posts,
Hiding in plain sight,
Avoiding all who roast
each other with words most profound
Beware! Beware!
All children of the 'ground.

The introductory verse from the Epic poem chronicling the rise, fall, imprisonment, and aftermath of The Dawn of the Playground: War of the Rich Baker.

Hmmm . . .
<sound of rustling papers>
Its around here somewhere . . . ah yes, here it is.
A selection from the letters of one from the frontlines.

From the foxhole, I could see the fiery glow of the HellCow receded into the distance. It illuminated the cloud filled evening sky with an ochre brilliance unseen in the short history of the playground. Brighter plumes of what could only be exhalations from the creature, cast eerie shadows across the desolate landscape.

Farther away, I could hear the low bass thoomb thoomb thoomb of the Giant's approach. There was no possibility of seeing him through the cloud cover, but occasionally I would glimpse the massive shape immulimated by the fiery breathing of the HellCow. They were converging on something in the darkness. Something that seemd to absorb the burnt amber light.

It let out a cry unlike any I had ever heard. A crackling thunderous thing that rolled through the cloud cover. But unlike the nervous fear it instilled in me, the bellow appeared to churn the resolve of our mammoth allies as they answered in kind.

The conflict lasted well into the night. We were involved in our own fight in the trenches, but every gout of breath from the HellCow provided us with a glimpse of the conflict happening on the horizon. Titans were fighting for us and we were fighting for them. I saw Wampinator swarmed by a mob of our attackers and lost track of him as the tide of the battle pushed me out of the trenches and onto the plane above. From there I saw the end.

I could not tell if it was a blow from the Giant, HellCow, or a combination of the two, but the dark shape they were engaged with began to crack. Jagged shards of light radiated from a point somewhere near the top of the thing. They spread across its surface like the spiderweb on a cracked pane of glass. The thing bellowed again and the mobs swarming our lines paused at the sound of no longer a colossal menace, but a wounded beast. I lost sight of the horizon as I fought my way back into the trenches through the press of madly scrambling bodies.

When everything calmed again, I heard the thoomb thoomb thoomb again. I peered over the edge and saw the two titanic shapes being slowly enveloped by the evening darkness. I watched them grow smaller and smaller for a few moments until turning my attentions to my fellow combatants. It had been like something out of a bard's tale or a dream. The details began to fade almost as soon as the song of battle had ended.

- Excert from letters sent home by Bogotter, former Mod Otter in the Playground

This is WampaX.
Last survivor of the Rich Baker incident.
Signing off.

Should be back after a brief hypersleep
and new thread creation.

Regarding the part played by Rick Burlew and his subsequent fate:

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Rick Burlew was never a threat, the benevolent half of the unholy union. It actually helped act as emissary between Rick and Rich to combat the Rich Baker. It turned out to be a coward and fled into the wilderness surrounding the Playground once the fighting began.

When the war was over, it seems to now continue the role of diplomat. In recent years, its begun to slack off. 4ed took its toll of people wanting to be guest writers. Its last coup was getting Rick Baker to write one final article before it once again faded into the wilderness. No one has seen it since.

So really, if you are waiting for Rick Burlew to update? That's going to be a long wait.

The prophecies regarding the return of the Rich Baker:

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I too would enjoy seeing an Eberron style OotS!

Ah, that would be the first sign of the coming reign of the Rich Baker.
Be careful what you wish for my friend . . . very careful indeed.

When two worlds collide
Amidst the fire
Of creation myths
Born from ire.
Spires rise
Above the plane
Aside figures drawn
somewhat plain.
When art and majesty collide
The end begins
Apocalypse's bride.

Taken from the Addentorium to The Dawn of the Playground: War of the Rich Baker, transliterated from the mad ravings of the dark beast's prophets discovered in a particularly tenacious cell of cultists.

Should the Giant leave the Playground,
We lose our strongest warden of the Rich Baker.
He knows what is at stake here.
I cannot believe he would abandon all to that fate.

Proverb originating from the incident:

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It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.

[see]

Less than $8,000 to go to 1 million!

[MoonCat]

Six in the house. We only meant to have two, but my mother was taking care of a feral cat outside who then happened to have four kittens...

Sweet. Mine my mom's ex husband found in the engine of his car (no idea how they got there) as kittens. He promptly dropped them off with us, because he knew we couldn't resist. The only problem was we were moving to another country in a few weeks. But hey, who can resist kittens? (So glad we kept them.)

HOLY *BLEEP* ON A *BLEEP* SANDWICH!!!

I just refreshed and there was a THOUSAND dollar more than before.

How long was the period between refreshes? five minutes? Five seconds? Five days?

[squidbreath]

7k at 3mins past this post.
--

Tha's still 1k in 7 mins, and less the last time. Were we any faster at the start?

[Crisis21]

7k at 3mins past this post.
--

Tha's still 1k in 7 mins, and less the last time. Were we any faster at the start?

No, we weren't. Check the graph lines. The latest one is much steeper than the first ones.

[Weimann]

$6693 left!

[see]

And now, less than 5k.

[Porthos]

7k at 3mins past this post.
--

Tha's still 1k in 7 mins, and less the last time. Were we any faster at the start?

No, we weren't. Check the graph lines. The latest one is much steeper than the first ones.

According to the Google Doc, 30K was raised in the first 76 minutes. So, yeah, MUCH faster now. It's faster than even when DStP and other pledges were dropped.

[CoffeeIncluded]

It just went up $2000 in about a minute. Less than $5000 to go!

[Kobold-Bard]

This is just silly now, it went up 2 grand in the time it took me to refresh the page.

[VinRaven]

$4,582 to go...

[see]

We're gonna need another graph, 2000% looks achievable.

[Porthos]

Sometime in the next 3-4 hours, I reckon, depending on Pledge Spikes. So, say 4PM PST to 5PM PST (7PM EST - 8PM EST | Midnight GMT - 1AM GMT)?

LOL ME!!!

That's a heck of a pledge spike.

[MammonAzrael]

I need to go work in my backyard, but I can't bring myself to step away and miss this!

$4,191 to go!

[kracken]

Hello everybody! Hey with 42 hours to go I just want to make sure that I don't need to add +6$ for postage because I live in Alaska. What do you think?

[Chess435]

$3,873 to go!

[Procyonpi]

It's like I can't refresh without the total going up.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I need to go work in my backyard, but I can't bring myself to step away and miss this!

$4,191 to go!

And I'm studying for two tests while breaking my poor laptop's f5 key...

[see]

Hello everybody! Hey with 42 hours to go I just want to make sure that I don't need to add +6$ for postage because I live in Alaska. What do you think?

He's using the USPS flat-rate stuff, so anywhere in the US is the same shipping.

[Porthos]

*gibbers incoherently at the rate of pledges*

[Procyonpi]

And I'm studying for two tests while breaking my poor laptop's f5 key...

I have trouble believing you're actually doing much studying right now :P

*gibbers incoherently at the rate of pledges*

Clearly, you sense the oncoming on of the Rich Baker. Have Mercy on your soul.

[VinRaven]

$3,379 to go...

[Porthos]

ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

As I strongly suspected might happen:

Rich Burlew 2 minutes ago
I just edited my update to reflect the fact that it turns out Texas customers also need to add sales tax (8.25%). Sorry about that, and we'll figure out how to fix it if anyone messes it up.

[TinyMushroom]

$2.934 to go

[Weimann]

I'm also writing a home exam. Luckily I'm almost done.

$2936 left!

[Chess435]

$2,936 and counting!

Dang, double ninja'd!

[see]

Less than $3000 to go

[Advance Strat..]

Just added $56 or so myself for taxes. Stupid taxes,but at least it gets us closer to the million. :D

[MoonCat]

Augh So Tense

[TinyMushroom]

Less than $3000 to go

Make that $2.500