Page 16 of 51 FirstFirst ... 6789101112131415161718192021222324252641 ... LastLast
Results 451 to 480 of 1504
  1. - Top - End - #451
    Titan in the Playground
     
    AtlanteanTroll's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Oberlin College
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So, I really need some help in getting over a girl.

    Spoiler
    Show
    I asked her out, she turned me down because she was non-publicly dating someone at the time (something I didn't know until recently), I was down but I still had feelings, she became open with her relationship, I killed my feelings, and now she's single again and since it's summer we've been seeing each other more and my feelings are back. Except now they're less "Lets go to the movies" and more "I want you" and I feel horrible for having these feelings because she's a friend of mine.
    My BRAND NEW art thread! Please, stop on down!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonprime View Post
    AT, I esteem you above all other men now.

  2. - Top - End - #452
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Starwulf's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Western Maryland
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by AtlanteanTroll View Post
    So, I really need some help in getting over a girl.

    Spoiler
    Show
    I asked her out, she turned me down because she was non-publicly dating someone at the time (something I didn't know until recently), I was down but I still had feelings, she became open with her relationship, I killed my feelings, and now she's single again and since it's summer we've been seeing each other more and my feelings are back. Except now they're less "Lets go to the movies" and more "I want you" and I feel horrible for having these feelings because she's a friend of mine.
    I'm not sure I see the problem here? You have feelings for her, she's single, you both apparently enjoy spending time with each other, which is a solid foundation for a relationship. What in the world is stopping you from asking her out?

    edit: Actually, let's examine this even more: You've already asked her out, but were turned down due to the fact that she was in a relationship. So she obviously already knows that you have feelings for her, yet she is having no issues whatsoever in spending time with you now that she is single. That means there is no awkwardness there, which normally there would be, which to me is a bit of a sign that she might like you as well.
    Last edited by Starwulf; 2012-06-23 at 03:38 PM.
    Avatar is Chaos Devil Dragon from Puzzle & Dragons!

  3. - Top - End - #453
    Titan in the Playground
     
    AtlanteanTroll's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Oberlin College
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Starwulf View Post
    I'm not sure I see the problem here? You have feelings for her, she's single, you both apparently enjoy spending time with each other, which is a solid foundation for a relationship. What in the world is stopping you from asking her out?
    I do want to ask her out when I get back. But I'm conflicted. She already said no once , I guess. Although I do now know what I know now... Additionally I'm not gonna be in town again until the start of the school year. I'm also worried that if I do and she says no it'll kill the friendship.

    EDIT: Well there was some right after I asked her, but I suppose you're right.
    Last edited by AtlanteanTroll; 2012-06-23 at 03:42 PM.
    My BRAND NEW art thread! Please, stop on down!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonprime View Post
    AT, I esteem you above all other men now.

  4. - Top - End - #454
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Newfoundland
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by AtlanteanTroll View Post
    I do want to ask her out when I get back. But I'm conflicted. She already said no once , I guess. Although I do now know what I know now... Additionally I'm not gonna be in town again until the start of the school year. I'm also worried that if I do and she says no it'll kill the friendship.
    The easiest way to get over someone is to stop spending time with them and/or start seeing someone else. If you aren't going to be spending time with her for the next couple months anyway, I wouldn't push the issue at this point. Look to date somebody else in the meantime.

    If, after that period of time, you still have these feelings, you are both still single, and you start spending time together again, you may as well go for it. After all, you're not going to be comfortable with the friendship anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by hawkboy772042 View Post
    If you a ask for a girl's phone number and she instead prefers Facebook instead, should you take as her saying "let's be friends" or that she's actually interested?
    A step down from that, in my opinion. I take it as "let's be acquaintances."
    Last edited by prufock; 2012-06-26 at 12:27 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #455
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Moonshadow's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Labyrinth

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I have a date next Tuesday or Wednesday. I have to figure out when and where.


    This is pretty much me right now.


    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

  6. - Top - End - #456
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Good luck Moonie. If it helps, think of it as meeting a friend rather than "AMAGADDATEAAAAAAAAAAAAGH". I appreciate this is easier said than done. The thing is though - if you do think "friend", you'll be more relaxed around them, letting your natural Mooniness rise to the front.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dallas-Dakota View Post
    Succubus gets grongratulatory cookies from me. You have stepped into the realm of puns that only the likes of Death, Your Friend the Reaper have seen.

    Posting schedule likely to be erratic for the next few weeks - sorting out some personal stuff.

  7. - Top - End - #457
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Moonshadow's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Labyrinth

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I can usually handle the whole relaxed thing. Or at least lie about it fairly convincingly.


    It's more the whole not having been on a date in nearly 2 years. Coupled with my paranoia going crazy with the whole "why on earth would she date me when I have nothing of value as a person to offer yadda yadda yadda" running around in my head like a possessed steam train hyped up on crack.
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

  8. - Top - End - #458
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Elemental's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    An Abyssal Tower
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Assuming that by when and where she left the decision making up to you...

    Do you know what kinds of things she likes to do? Because that's a good place to start.
    If all else fails, you have two options.
    Option one: Ask her we she wants to go.
    Option two: Go somewhere that everyone agrees is nice.
    As for where that is... I have no idea. I never gone on a date.
    Merry Happy New Year!

    Mauve Shirt, Savannah, Gnomish Wanderer, Cuthalion and Smuchmuch get cookies for making me avatars. (::)
    Nightmare by Smuchmuch. (::)

    Co Founder of LUTAS - For all your less than useful heroes out there.

    My Deviant Art. Careful, it's full of ponies.

    Dragons!

  9. - Top - End - #459
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Moonshadow's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Labyrinth

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I do know what she likes. She likes country music, books and animated movies. And Pokemon.

    I'm not really sure if I can get away with asking her for coffee or lunch while we look at books and play Pokemon though. Trying to make myself appealing to date, not a total dork ._.
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

  10. - Top - End - #460
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Well, you could play the pokemon card game together a little later on. It's a nice way to while away an hour or two. Bear in mind that if it's something she likes the it's highly unlikely she'll view the two of you playing it together as "dorky".

    But probably - just play it by ear. See what happens on the day, see what seems like a good idea at the time and run with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dallas-Dakota View Post
    Succubus gets grongratulatory cookies from me. You have stepped into the realm of puns that only the likes of Death, Your Friend the Reaper have seen.

    Posting schedule likely to be erratic for the next few weeks - sorting out some personal stuff.

  11. - Top - End - #461
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Moonshadow's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Labyrinth

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Nah, not the card game, the vidya game. Which I'm currently crap at because I still haven't finished Pokemon Black yet so I don't have a trained team or anything. But that's beside the point.

    I mean, she's told me about a cafe she likes but it's about half an hour away by car. Which I don't have but I can get there via public transport so that's cool. I was just worried about making her have to travel a lot. I mean, my last girlfriend ended up travelling around a bit and I think she resented it after a while so I don't want to start out making the same mistakes again.
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

  12. - Top - End - #462
    Orc in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I'm getting somewhat restless - it's good news, but frustrating nonetheless. As I mentioned here a few months back, I started an OKC profile earlier this year. As expected, lots of messages went out, none came back. Well, that changed this past weekend - got a reply from the latest girl I had messaged (albeit 10 days after my initial message, so I had written it off already in my mind), and we exchanged a few long (3-5 paragraphs) messages before I gave her my number and asked her if she wanted to watch the fireworks. It was short notice (that message went out Tuesday morning), but she texted me within ~20 minutes of sending that message (she wanted to , but see next sentence), and we've swapped a few texts since then. However, here's the frustrating part - she's currently in Cincinnati for a choir competition with a choir she student-taught, so I'm stuck with waiting for her to return before we can meet up (obviously).

    I realize that it's likely that she's busy with the choir thing,* which would explain why she hasn't initiated any messages since Tuesday. She has, however, responded to the couple texts I've sent her fairly quickly (<10 minutes each time**).

    Yay mixed levels of happiness and success regarding this whole thing.

    * For anyone curious or who might know something more: it's the World Choir Games, which I had never heard of, but is a 10-day international event that started on the 4th.

    ** I've only sent her a text unprompted once a day, both asking about how/whether something she'd mentioned went, for all of 2 days; I'm hoping that remains in the "not being overly needy" category. Goal is to remain on her radar (may not really require effort on my part, given how the exchanges have gone) without seeming needy or similar.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  13. - Top - End - #463
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by rogueboy View Post
    ** I've only sent her a text unprompted once a day, both asking about how/whether something she'd mentioned went, for all of 2 days; I'm hoping that remains in the "not being overly needy" category. Goal is to remain on her radar (may not really require effort on my part, given how the exchanges have gone) without seeming needy or similar.
    The suggestions I've seen elsewhere and followed in my own limited experience (chronicled earlier in this thread) is, no more than two unanswered messages in a row. If you send a text, leave a voice mail, or whatever and get no response after waiting a reasonable amount of time, try once more. If you still get no response, leave it at that. It could be they're busy, it could be they're not interested in further communication. Anyway, you're alright with one follow-up message but I wouldn't go beyond that at least initially.

    Of course, the content of said messages will have a much greater effect in determining whether you're being overly needy or not.

    Otherwise, good luck!

  14. - Top - End - #464
    Orc in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    The suggestions I've seen elsewhere and followed in my own limited experience (chronicled earlier in this thread) is, no more than two unanswered messages in a row. If you send a text, leave a voice mail, or whatever and get no response after waiting a reasonable amount of time, try once more. If you still get no response, leave it at that. It could be they're busy, it could be they're not interested in further communication. Anyway, you're alright with one follow-up message but I wouldn't go beyond that at least initially.

    Of course, the content of said messages will have a much greater effect in determining whether you're being overly needy or not.

    Otherwise, good luck!
    I may not have been sufficiently clear here - there hasn't been a message that didn't get a reply, and rather quickly (I'm ignoring the ends of brief exchanges here).

    Also, all of my messages have been related to something that had occurred (or expected to occur) since the last exchange; for example, fireworks had been expected during the opening ceremony thing, but was going to be after a show when I asked her about it on the 4th. Yesterday, I asked about the show (which, it turns out, she didn't get to see since she "had to wrangle kids").

    My concern is more along the lines of "should I be trying to come up with something relevant/interesting to share/ask each day? or just let it go until she's back, barring something significantly interesting&relevant?"
    Last edited by rogueboy; 2012-07-06 at 04:57 PM.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  15. - Top - End - #465
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by rogueboy View Post
    I may not have been sufficiently clear here - there hasn't been a message that didn't get a reply, and rather quickly (I'm ignoring the ends of brief exchanges here).

    Also, all of my messages have been related to something that had occurred (or expected to occur) since the last exchange; for example, fireworks had been expected during the opening ceremony thing, but was going to be after a show when I asked her about it on the 4th. Yesterday, I asked about the show (which, it turns out, she didn't get to see since she "had to wrangle kids").

    My concern is more along the lines of "should I be trying to come up with something relevant/interesting to share/ask each day? or just let it go until she's back, barring something significantly interesting&relevant?"
    Well, as long as she's still responding to your texts, you're probably alright. It's pretty hard to gauge tone from text messages, but as long as she doesn't seem annoyed then you might as well keep sending messages now and again. While I may have misunderstood the exact nature of your question, the answer remains the same: as long as she seems to want to keep talking to you, it's all good.

  16. - Top - End - #466
    Orc in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Well, as long as she's still responding to your texts, you're probably alright. It's pretty hard to gauge tone from text messages, but as long as she doesn't seem annoyed then you might as well keep sending messages now and again. While I may have misunderstood the exact nature of your question, the answer remains the same: as long as she seems to want to keep talking to you, it's all good.
    Yeah, that's pretty much what I was figuring. I just know that I have a tendency to overthink things and get in my own way, which I'm trying to avoid. Mentioning my concerns here is one way I'm trying to avoid causing myself problems.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  17. - Top - End - #467
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Marillion's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Well, I met a girl on OKC about a year ago. I liked her, but it didn't go anywhere and we eventually stopped talking. She randomly messaged me a couple weeks ago, and we went on a date. I was reminded why I liked her, and I thought she had a good time too, but alas, she has basically stopped talking to me.

    Maaaaaaan.

    Oh well! Lots of pretty, intelligent, dorky girls out there. I'll find one of my own someday.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I like my women like I like my coffee; 10 feet tall, incomprehensible to the human psyche, and capable of ending life as a triviality.

  18. - Top - End - #468
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Moonshadow's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Labyrinth

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Well, might not have a date now. She hasn't got back to me in a week and while I'd like to think that she's just busy or something, she's also been around on OkCupid often enough to have seen my message and stuff. I've only sent her 1 more message since then because I know that it just makes you come across as desperate or whatever to spam message people.

    Women are really starting to come across as a game that I cannot win at because the rules constantly change without my knowledge. Sigh.
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

    AN EMPTY SPOT WITHIN MY CRAW CRAVES YOUR FLESH, YOUR BONES BLED RAW!
    YOUR FEAR! YOUR FEAR! SO SWEET! SO STRONG! TO TEASE MY TONGUE, YOUR LIVES ARE GONE!
    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
    YOU DARE? DARE SMITE THIS AWESOME BEAST? YOUR FATES ARE SEALED AS MY NEXT FEAST!
    HEED THIS BECK AND HEAR THIS CALL! FIGHT ME STILL, YOUR WILLS SHALL FALL!

  19. - Top - End - #469
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So I need some advice concerning women in my life.

    Spoiler
    Show
    I have been dating my girlfriend of a year and a half and things are very confusing for us right now. She moved and we became a long distance relationship about 6 months ago. She still has two years of high school left and she was supposed to graduate a year early, but changed her mind.

    Her parents won't allow her to come up and visit. At all. Until she is 18 and done with high school. This has caused multiple problems. For example I've spent just over 2 grand in 6 months in trips. Her mom has given me about 500 dollars but it is not even close to being what I need to not nearly go broke every time I go out there.

    We have also had previous relationship woes with her at the start saying she wasn't good enough I was too nice etc... Later every time since I've gone there she has brought up if I wanted to take a break or last time actually said that she was going to break up with me after I left from visiting. She said the visit helped her remind her of how she loves me and so on.

    The problem is that I don't trust her anymore to stay with me.

    So enter second girl.

    This is a girl who is going off to college fairly close nearby. We're best friends and she has told me that she has liked me at least in the past that is. While I was dating the first girl. Since then she has dated another guy. Who has told her basically he wants to break up with her and even if they don't now they will when she goes off to college.

    This person I trust far more and more to the point I've always liked her even when I was dating the first person. Currently she is still with her boyfriend, but she doubts it will last more than a day or two. That and whenever we see each other there are moments where we look at one another for far too long in a certain way and our hugs are way closer and longer than anyone elses. Including me and my girlfriend.

    Now I am seeing my girlfriend for her birthday in just under two weeks and will be spending a week there. What should I do? Go and try and work things out? Break things off with her? Go for the second girl? Tell the second girl I like here before I see my girlfriend and then make a decision to go out or to break up with my current girlfriend. Much help would be appreciated

  20. - Top - End - #470
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Marillion's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Imbasel: It sounds to me as though your relationship has about run its course. It is a sad occurrence, but it does happen. Were I you, I would be breaking up with her when I go to visit your girlfriend. It is for her birthday, which is....inconvenient, but there's never a good time for this, she deserves the respect of a break-up in person, and if you put it off for her birthday, you'll continue to find excuses to put it off.

    However, you shouldn't be breaking up with her for this other girl. Sure, you like her a lot and want to be with her, but this breakup isn't about her. It's about YOU, and YOUR needs which aren't being fulfilled in your current relationship. If you wind up with this girl, fantastic, but don't pin all your hopes on her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I like my women like I like my coffee; 10 feet tall, incomprehensible to the human psyche, and capable of ending life as a triviality.

  21. - Top - End - #471
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Logic's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    WA, USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So, I suppose I need help speaking to my future-father-in-law.

    I often post links and statements on Facebook supporting the LGBT community. My father-in-law sees this as an opportunity to turn it into a political debate each time. He usually also "demands" to speak about this topic in person.

    Problem is, he is a terrible person to have a conversation with in person. He is a verbal bully, very intimidating, has a tenancy to belittle ones beliefs, questions everything one has to say, demands one produce sources, interrupts constantly, etc.

    I have told him on multiple occasions I will not speak about these subjects in person, but I haven't been able to politely tell him why I refuse to have these debates in person.

    Any ideas?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    You altruistic weirdo you!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jibar View Post
    Logic + Potatoes = Sweetcorn
    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonrider View Post
    Logic is, well, logical. And smart too.
    CKS
    Avatar by Ceika

  22. - Top - End - #472
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    PirateGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2012

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Hello, I really just need to get this out... I'm so upset right now, the love of my life my girlfriend thinks she might be pregnate,and both of us have agreed not to have it and terminate it, (I don't know how abortion is talked bout here) both of us are young me 19 and her 17, I'm just gettin established in life rentin and. Car payment( I don't wanta struggle financally and have child suffer) and she has 1 year of highschool left(she has good marks and she shouldn't loss her chance at university or higher learning) anyways as bad as it sounds its a little worse this is not the first acident we've had this happened once before and was both of us hardest days, and we really don't want to deal with the process again, she tlod me she's just a week late today, and happen again she will leave me because she doesn't want it to happen again, (we pratice safe sex since the first time(I got to excited to quick)). Last week we couldn't help it and started questin without a shield at first, today when she told me she was heartbroken and so was I even though its not conformed it, I just love her with every breath of my body, thank you for listening I'm just really stressed bout it and needed to rant
    Last edited by skoalmaster; 2012-07-11 at 12:13 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #473
    Troll in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Imbasel..
    what Marillion says. one thing at a time..you should in theory be broken up over breaking up with the other one..jumping right back in the saddle is fine, but the fact that you're already lining up a candidate tells me you're not all that serious anymore about your current girlfriend...despite the money invested. just a question..she's still halfway through high school..how old are the 3 of you? it seems to me that however drammatic a breakup might look like now.. it is the best thing you can do. the odds are so massively stacked against you.. what will happen in 2 years time when she decides that she wants to go to college somewhere that is still distant from you? aren't you both clinging to this because it's the first or one of the first really important relationship in your lives, rather than because it still a good relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Logic View Post
    So, I suppose I need help speaking to my future-father-in-law.

    I often post links and statements on Facebook supporting the LGBT community. My father-in-law sees this as an opportunity to turn it into a political debate each time. He usually also "demands" to speak about this topic in person.

    Problem is, he is a terrible person to have a conversation with in person. He is a verbal bully, very intimidating, has a tenancy to belittle ones beliefs, questions everything one has to say, demands one produce sources, interrupts constantly, etc.

    I have told him on multiple occasions I will not speak about these subjects in person, but I haven't been able to politely tell him why I refuse to have these debates in person.

    Any ideas?
    if you feel strongly enough about your ideas, stand up to the verbal bully and interrupt him with phrases like "you've said your piece, now let me say mine" or "stop interrupting me and maybe you'll see where I come from, then you can always disagree".. or stuff like "if you want me to respect your opinion on these matters, then you'll have to show me you can at least listen to my opinions, if not respect them"..
    if you don't feel that strongly about them or simply don't want to risk an angry confrontation, simply tell him that you don't want to talk about it in person because precedents tell you it would be nothing more than a sermon/monologue/rant from his part and that he wouldn't even try to listen to any opinion other than his own. .. if he can't deal with that, correct his attitude and show some respect, then you can't be bothered debating stuff with him.

    yes, he's not going to like having another man's opinions shoved down his throat..but he started it, and it's still better than whimping out or showing him you lack the conviction of your ideas.
    a triple cheer for Wojiz, for making me my very own Avatar...
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Proud founder of the Vetinari Fanclub
    Spoiler
    Show

    with many thanks to Avi for the siggatar

  24. - Top - End - #474
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Serpentine's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Adrift in a sea of woe.
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by skoalmaster View Post
    Hello, I really just need to get this out... I'm so upset right now, the love of my life my girlfriend thinks she might be pregnate,and both of us have agreed not to have it and terminate it, (I don't know how abortion is talked bout here) both of us are young me 19 and her 17, I'm just gettin established in life rentin and. Car payment( I don't wanta struggle financally and have child suffer) and she has 1 year of highschool left(she has good marks and she shouldn't loss her chance at university or higher learning) anyways as bad as it sounds its a little worse this is not the first acident we've had this happened once before and was both of us hardest days, and we really don't want to deal with the process again, she tlod me she's just a week late today, and happen again she will leave me because she doesn't want it to happen again, (we pratice safe sex since the first time(I got to excited to quick)). Last week we couldn't help it and started questin without a shield at first, today when she told me she was heartbroken and so was I even though its not conformed it, I just love her with every breath of my body, thank you for listening I'm just really stressed bout it and needed to rant
    Calm down. Take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay.
    So, first off: *smacks over the back of the head* You've accidentally knocked up your girlfriend TWICE?! You two are completely banned from happyfuntime activities until she gets a contraceptive implant (it's foolproof, unlike the Pill which can be foiled by forgetfulness), and you constantly have a crate of condoms within 2 feet of you at all times! You got that?

    On abortion, if that's the option you choose that's fine. You might like to consider the possibility of adoption instead, but that's up to you two. She should be aware that repeated abortions can jeopardise her future fertility, although the number I heard (which could be completely unreliable) at which this starts being a risk is 3. I recommend that she, in particular, but possibly you too, seek counselling. Specifically for any emotional impact the abortion/s might have, but also to prevent it happening again and for yo
    ur relationship.

  25. - Top - End - #475
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    If nothing else, by using contraception, it allows you to fully relax and enjoy the sex. You can lie in each others arms afterward and enjoy the moment without your thoughts running around screaming "ohgodisshepregnantohgodohgod".

    However, in this case, the horse has left the stable and all the padlocks in the world won't really help much now. This is going to be amazingly hard in your girlfriend and the fact that she's already been through it once won't make it easier - quite the opposite.

    You two need to have a proper Talk - not just about what you decide to do but about your relationship as well. If you two want to make a real go of this, then as Serpy said, you MUST use precautions AT ALL TIMES in future. She already resents the fact that she's had to abort a child twice, something that goes against every bit of "natural programming" in her body. A third time would be a catastrophe. It might also be worth looking into a vasectomy or something of that nature if you adamantly refuse to wear condoms and the like.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dallas-Dakota View Post
    Succubus gets grongratulatory cookies from me. You have stepped into the realm of puns that only the likes of Death, Your Friend the Reaper have seen.

    Posting schedule likely to be erratic for the next few weeks - sorting out some personal stuff.

  26. - Top - End - #476
    Troll in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    aye..wear a condom always..except for pee-pee time. that way you won't forget.
    and if it starts chafing..that'll teach you

    trying to make light of a non light situation, in case that wasn't clear..but yes, you've been a bit stupid about this. do try to pay attention and learn the lesson this time.
    a triple cheer for Wojiz, for making me my very own Avatar...
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Proud founder of the Vetinari Fanclub
    Spoiler
    Show

    with many thanks to Avi for the siggatar

  27. - Top - End - #477
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    PirateGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2012

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Thank you both, the first time this happened it was from me and my body havin a over load, when she was tryin to be sexy. When we went in to see about the operation the doctor made her feel like a whore, and she resents that doctor now, after the surgery it was the saddest day for me, first waitin for her to wake up then her drifting in and out of concous, the drive home was the cutest thing ever she likes soup when she sick so I stopped at tim hortons and got her soup and water, we drove 15 minutes out of the city and we had to stop so she could it we just sat on the side of the road sitting and enjoying each other comoany, with the stress of the abortion over, now the nightmare we had before might be back. It was funny after it I would ask about her cycle to see if she had it or not. The worst part about it she thinks the doctors and nurses think she's a slut or a whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. I tryed tellin her that they won't but she won't believe me

  28. - Top - End - #478
    Troll in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by skoalmaster View Post
    Thank you both, the first time this happened it was from me and my body havin a over load, when she was tryin to be sexy. When we went in to see about the operation the doctor made her feel like a whore, and she resents that doctor now, after the surgery it was the saddest day for me, first waitin for her to wake up then her drifting in and out of concous, the drive home was the cutest thing ever she likes soup when she sick so I stopped at tim hortons and got her soup and water, we drove 15 minutes out of the city and we had to stop so she could it we just sat on the side of the road sitting and enjoying each other comoany, with the stress of the abortion over, now the nightmare we had before might be back. It was funny after it I would ask about her cycle to see if she had it or not. The worst part about it she thinks the doctors and nurses think she's a slut or a whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. I tryed tellin her that they won't but she won't believe me
    you could argue with your girlfriend that they keep that sort of attitude to discourage girls from having abortions continuously.. which may even be true and sounds definitely plausible..whether they do think she's a bit of a slapper or not.
    you'd be giving her a reason for their attitude/disdain, that goes beyond her and so isn't quite as focused on her as she think it to be.
    a triple cheer for Wojiz, for making me my very own Avatar...
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Proud founder of the Vetinari Fanclub
    Spoiler
    Show

    with many thanks to Avi for the siggatar

  29. - Top - End - #479
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    Serpentine's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Adrift in a sea of woe.
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by skoalmaster View Post
    Thank you both, the first time this happened it was from me and my body havin a over load, when she was tryin to be sexy. When we went in to see about the operation the doctor made her feel like a whore, and she resents that doctor now, after the surgery it was the saddest day for me,...
    That's terrible, although it is possible that it was just her state of mind exaggerating things and seeing stuff that wasn't there. If someone's ever uncomfortable with a doctor for any reason, though, it's perfectly okay to find a different one.
    Wellp, at least you know you're both very fertile... <.< You've just gotta be there for her as best you can, and for the love of GOD don't do it again! Seriously, she should look into getting the Implant (I'd suggest the Pill as well, but... well, for your own states of mind, I think a contraceptive that's extremely effective (better than surgical sterilisation) and requires absolutely nothing from the person in question in order to work is probably the best option).

  30. - Top - End - #480
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Castaras's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Leicester, UK
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    That's terrible, although it is possible that it was just her state of mind exaggerating things and seeing stuff that wasn't there. If someone's ever uncomfortable with a doctor for any reason, though, it's perfectly okay to find a different one.
    Wellp, at least you know you're both very fertile... <.< You've just gotta be there for her as best you can, and for the love of GOD don't do it again! Seriously, she should look into getting the Implant (I'd suggest the Pill as well, but... well, for your own states of mind, I think a contraceptive that's extremely effective (better than surgical sterilisation) and requires absolutely nothing from the person in question in order to work is probably the best option).
    Whereas I'd recommend pill instead of implant, but that's just because pill is less terrifying to me than implant. Also a lot easier to get the pill than the implant, and certainly here it's free for people under... 25, I believe, to get the pill.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
    ~ Timberwolf

    "After the first day we universally agreed that she was banned from fire thereafter. The second day she ended up with the power to create 5 extra copies of herself."
    ~ Heliomance

    "You're like Pinkie Pie powered by a nuclear reactor."
    ~ Lix Lorn


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •