Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[Heliomance]

I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?
I've always been thinking that I don't fall for people as often as others do, but I've never actually asked anyone. So... now I'm doing so.

I think I'm currently truly and honestly in love for the first time ever. I'm 23, and I've been in... uhm... seven and a half relationships I think? (The half was a FWB arrangement without most of the B. Complicatedness with a housemate.)

[The Succubus]

I think I'm currently truly and honestly in love for the first time ever. I'm 23, and I've been in... uhm... seven and a half relationships I think? (The half was a FWB arrangement without most of the B. Complicatedness with a housemate.)

D'awwwwww. That photo you linked with your gf - you look perfect for each other.

[Liffguard]

Wow.
I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?
I've always been thinking that I don't fall for people as often as others do, but I've never actually asked anyone. So... now I'm doing so.

25, zero relationships, never in love. I'm generally an emotionally private person. I interact well with others but don't like letting people see the "real" me.

[Alarra]

I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?

Hmmm.... Well, I'm 31. *thinks* I'm going to say I've been in love 6 times, though it's hard to say because years after the fact I tend to think maybe I didn't love them really. One is a person with whom I haven't actually had a relationship; One is Zeb; One is the guy I dated for 4 years before that; One is the guy I dated for 4 years before him; And one is the guy I dated for 4 years before that one. Hmm... Noticing...my serious relationships tend to crash around the 4 year mark. And the other is my best friend from high school who I sort of dated off and on in between and during all the rest of these relationships. And hmm....total relationships? Wow...umm... 21? I think?

[blackfox]

21. 6 relationships, counting the not-so-serious ones and the one I am starting now. In love once, with one of the 6 people previously mentioned, a relationship which has since ended.

[Starwulf]

Wow.
I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?
I've always been thinking that I don't fall for people as often as others do, but I've never actually asked anyone. So... now I'm doing so.

30 years old, married now, I've been in love exactly twice in my life. Once was with my first serious girlfriend, I was a senior she was a freshman, we stayed together until she was a senior, we were engaged, then complicatedness happened and I broke it off. Second time was, obviously, with my wife.

When I was younger, I was convinced I was "in love" with every other girlfriend, but it's pretty easy to look back now and see that it really wasn't love.

About 15 semi-serious girlfriends, and 25-30 other girls I casually dated(hence why when I was younger I had the reputation of a "male slut", that even my wife had heard of, despite not sleeping with more then 5 women total in my life(including wife).

[Rawhide]

Hmmm.... Well, I'm 31. *thinks* I'm going to say I've been in love 6 times, though it's hard to say because years after the fact I tend to think maybe I didn't love them really. One is a person with whom I haven't actually had a relationship; One is Zeb; One is the guy I dated for 4 years before that; One is the guy I dated for 4 years before him; And one is the guy I dated for 4 years before that one. Hmm... Noticing...my serious relationships tend to crash around the 4 year mark. And the other is my best friend from high school who I sort of dated off and on in between and during all the rest of these relationships. And hmm....total relationships? Wow...umm... 21? I think?

Interesting order to put them in. It almost seems like reverse chronological order, but then there's this one person you listed before Zeb.

[Mikhailangelo]

I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?
I've always been thinking that I don't fall for people as often as others do, but I've never actually asked anyone. So... now I'm doing so.

I'm 20, been in three serious relationships (Two lasting two years apiece, one lasting only a matter of months)

I don't think I've ever actually been in love. People say you know if you are or have been, and being that I don't know I'd say it's conclusive that I haven't actually been. I mean, I've loved people. In their own ways I still do love each of my ex's, but there is and has always been something missing. Not sure what. Getting contemplative now...

Anyway, turning to the internet for advice. Always a good and profitable plan. Well, a good and profitable fall back plan being that I really need a fresh set of eyes on this scenario since the friends who are aware of this issue have been of no real use beyond having someone to talk to.

-Inhale-

Ok - basically about a month ago I left my job. I'd worked there for about four years. Three weeks ago was the leaving party. It was a lot of fun, had a few drinks in the pub with my friends and a girl I like (also a longtime friend, for clarities sake - she'd been doing the job even longer than me and we've worked within varying degrees of proximity to one another over the past four years) before heading back to my flat, since two of my flatmates were away on holiday and the third was ostensibly working night shift, with four of my former colleagues, the rest having headed home.
We decided to get chips, I decided to make a move. Three of my friends got chips from the shop under my flat while myself and the girl I likedwent upstairs and got a seat in the living room. Being that we were both a bit drunk and I had absolutely nothing to lose insofaras I wouldn't be working pretty much right beside her again, I told her I liked her. I had intended to ask her if she wanted to meet up the next day to get another drink or dinner or something when she said she liked me too and we kissed. Then, without any prompting from me she started to do... Something that possibly, in a certain light, kinda resembles a kiss... In a weird way. Only not a kiss. Trying and failing to keep this PG-13.

Anyway, that was great but there was no finish because just five minutes later the rest of them buzzed the door to get in. The rest of the night went by fine, with nothing said, but she had started to act a little awkward. There was a bit of a bust up when it turned out that my other flat mate was not in fact working night shift but rather was working back shift and had to be up at five the next morning. So my friends and the girl all got a taxi home together.

The next day I text her to see if she wanted to meet up. I got no reply. I left it until about seven or eight oclock in the evening to text her again wherein I asked her if she was ok and if what happened bothered her. She replied saying her head was all over the place and she needed time to think. I said that was fine and left her alone for a week or so before I just couldn't take the suspense any more and text her again. No reply.

A few days after that I text her again saying I could take a hint and she wouldn't hear from me again unless she text me first. I received a reply almost instantly saying she was on the night shift (She's a student nurse, on placement) and couldn't talk but would try to get time when her run of night shifts finished. I got a text two weeks ago on Thursday saying her last night shift was Friday and she'd be able to talk after that. I heard nothing after that

Last Thursday (the twelfth) I got a text from her because we had a night out planned with people from my old work. She asked if I was going and said she was worried about going because she didn't want things to be awkward. I promised that whatever happened they wouldn't be and I wouldn't talk about things unless she brought it up. She said she just wanted a good night and was so stressed and busy that she had pushed everything to the back of her mind because her workload and life in general was getting on top of her. I asked if she had written off what happened as a drunken mistake but she said she hadn't but she didn't have time to think about it at the moment. She said that she'd go to the works night out, but didn't make it because she wound up getting stuck working.

So, yeah, that's the background and scenario. What I want to know is, what the hell do I do here? Do I try to talk to her anyway? Do I fade into obscurity? Do I write things off as a 'never gonna happen' and move on? Is there a chance? Is she playing mindgames? I've laid my cards face up on the table but I don't know for a second what she's thinking.

I'm ludicrously busy myself, I'm working three jobs simultaneously and I'm in the midst of writing an article. I know I'd still manage to find time for her if she does indeed reciprocate my feelings, so I'm having difficulty accepting the 'I'm busy' excuse, I have to say. Ah balls, I don't know...

[Sholos]

I say forget her and move on to someone who actually knows what they want. I had a similar situation with someone who just kept putting things off, claiming to be busy, and it all just went south. She avoided talking to me any time she could, never answered calls or texts, and was just generally a very negative influence (due to her behavior) on my existence.

[Lord Loss]

I'll have to agree with Sholos. It doesn't look very hopeful, and your time is better spent pursuing other people.

[Mikhailangelo]

Ok, so that's corroborated confirmation - Thanks guys. Tough to hear, but true.

Damn, why must life be so needlessly complex...

[Sholos]

Ok, so that's corroborated confirmation - Thanks guys. Tough to hear, but true.

Damn, why must life be so needlessly complex...

I dunno. I'm in a similar boat. I'm 27, no visible career path, have all of a Bachelor's degree for 27 years of school, and absolutely no prospects of romance nor anyone that can help me in said area. Some people just get dealt a crap hand.

[Arutema]

I've noticed a rather distressing trend in my life:

It takes 6+ months of messaging on OKCupid to find someone willing to meet for a date. We'll meet, agree to meet again, and then she'll simply stop answering my messages. I can only conclude I'm a terrible date, but without any feedback, how am I supposed to improve?

[Mikhailangelo]

Well, what do the dates usually consist of?

[Arutema]

Well, what do the dates usually consist of?

Sorry, should have said. Chat over coffee/light lunch.

[Mikhailangelo]

Ok, a bit more detail than that - Do you find it easy to talk in that sort of situation? Are you intimidated by meeting someone you've never actually seen in person before? Do you feel things have been going well and that not hearing anything back is quite inexplicable, or can you see things you may be doing wrong?

Have you moved for a kiss/handholding/any physical contact on these dates?

[Comrade]

I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?

I've been in love once. I've been in a relationship once. It didn't end well, I haven't pursued a relationship or even really been interested in one since.

[Aiani]

I know it's an incredibly trite change of topic, but I really am curious to know the answer: how many times has everyone been in love? Not in lust, infatuated with or had a crush on, but been in love? Supplemental questions: how old are you, and how many relationships have you had?
I've always been thinking that I don't fall for people as often as others do, but I've never actually asked anyone. So... now I'm doing so.

I've been in four relationships and in love twice. I always feel like I have to date someone for a little while before I can fall in love, at least a couple of months. I'm 32.

[SanguisAevum]

Less a woe... More a YAY!

I get married this sunday to the love of my life. I would ask you to wish me luck... but frankly, i don't need it... It will be perfect.



She is not a roleplayer, she is not a gamer, she is not a "geek, or "nerd" ....in fact in many ways... we are very different types of person... I am a closet goth, gamer nerd. And she is stunning School teacher / Dancer / Dance teacher... we have our own seperate interests, and some common ones too. and it works great!

(Although she is developing a love of the newer Marvel super hero films that we have seen together, and has also gained a keen interest in the spartacus series... but i put those down to them just been darn good entertainment.)

I feel like i am one of the geeks in the films that gets the hot chick...

They DO come true folks... they REALLY do!

[Lord Loss]

Congratulations, man! It's awesome to hear news like that!

As to Serp's question: Yep I have. Once. As to how it ended, well I'll simply have to wait and see.

[Castaras]

Less a woe... More a YAY!

I get married this sunday to the love of my life. I would ask you to wish me luck... but frankly, i don't need it... It will be perfect.



She is not a roleplayer, she is not a gamer, she is not a "geek, or "nerd" ....in fact in many ways... we are very different types of person... I am a closet goth, gamer nerd. And she is stunning School teacher / Dancer / Dance teacher... we have our own seperate interests, and some common ones too. and it works great!

(Although she is developing a love of the newer Marvel super hero films that we have seen together, and has also gained a keen interest in the spartacus series... but i put those down to them just been darn good entertainment.)

I feel like i am one of the geeks in the films that gets the hot chick...

They DO come true folks... they REALLY do!

Congratulations! Awesome to hear beautiful stories like this.

[Arutema]

Ok, a bit more detail than that - Do you find it easy to talk in that sort of situation? Are you intimidated by meeting someone you've never actually seen in person before? Do you feel things have been going well and that not hearing anything back is quite inexplicable, or can you see things you may be doing wrong?

Have you moved for a kiss/handholding/any physical contact on these dates?

Have moved for hug/handholding sometimes, depending on how interested she seems in such things, but it's very hard for me to judge.

[John Cribati]

Yesterday, I came out to my family as "Conditionally Asexual."

They were alright with it, for the most part. My aunt kept going on about how I had to go after someone. I left the room and came back to find that the conversation had somehow (d)evolved into a religious debate.

So basically, LOL.

[rogueboy]

*sigh* Why are schedules so hard to coordinate?

Brief overview of what triggered this... I met a girl through OKC a few weeks ago (first message to her was mid-June, from was the end of June, started texting just before the 4th). She was out of town for a week and a half starting pretty much immediately, so we exchanged a few texts until she was back in town (last weekend). Made plans to go bowling on Wednesday, only for her to wind up with a job interview out of town that day, so we rescheduled for tonight. Well, after spending the afternoon working out the details (when, mostly), she cancelled tonight because she found out she didn't get a second round interview from Wednesday's first interview (having turned down another offer waiting to hear back), and with hiring season just about over (she's looking for teaching jobs, they want contracts signed by the end of the month), she's feeling overwhelmed. And she leaves on a family vacation tomorrow night, so our rain check is for next Friday. Until I realize that next Friday's my birthday, and I'm likely to be doing something (not sure what, yet) with friends for that.

And yes, I realize that she's been the one cancelling/moving our plans, but given how explicit she's being in both why and the fact that she doesn't want to cancel (when she asked for a rain check today), I don't get the impression that this is her way of avoiding something.

And I also realize that my birthday might be a good day for a date or something, but given that we still haven't actually met each other in person, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a good time to start (what with some of my friends being there as well).

Just venting about scheduling annoyances, mostly

[sktarq]

I'm at a bit of a loss here.

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Back-story:
About fifteen month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of five years. The reason was not exactly simple but mostly came down to the fact that she had become an alcoholic. We met when she was about to go to Uni and lasted until 6months after she graduated and was semi long distance for the school years (we'd see each other 1 or 2 weekends a month and she would live at my apartment for her vacations). She was a binge drinker when I met her and her mother was a alcoholic to this day (including abandonment issues queued up from this issue) She also became depressed and as she gained some weight from her liquid diet felt like she couldn't go out to things like the movies, diner, the zoo etc. At a few points in our relationship she would when drunk become violent and try to beat me. . . which she couldn't in the slightest no matter how hard she tried but it hurt hugely on an emotional level. I was raised in a English ex-pat community here in California and had grown up with radically different mindset to all things alcoholic. I tried to foster a healthier relationship with booze for her but if anything I feel that I only empowered her addiction to run wild. And yes, I do feel somewhat responsible for her current state because of this no matter what the logic in my head states. It was after she was so drunk she was pissing all over my floor because she couldn't open a door that we broke up. . . well really it was that I'd given her an ultimatum at that point and having to prep myself each day for her to be wasted and me having to break up with her ate at me like an acid. By this point I knew her as a person far better than her family who seemed desperate to have a image of perfection to present to the other members of the family each time they saw each other but rarely seemed to talk to each other about anything beyond pleasantries. (And they all are on various "medications" some self subscribed.
After we broke up she went rather strongly downhill for a few months but we stayed in contact. We talked about what had gone wrong her still unsuccessful job search, etc and she seemed to start to get better. To the point where I was considering taking her back. Right at this time she found a new guy "H" who swept her off her feet for about a month and then broke her heart. I would have been fine with her being with a new guy (not happy etc but would have smiled and dealt and if her life was doing better would have been genuinely happy) but as soon as she met him she lost all of her introspection, started drinking and smoking heavily but really stopped growing and thinking for herself. He was just as much an addiction as the booze. When she got her heart broke it went very downhill. Eventually leading to her going into a locked down detox house at the insistence of her father around the new year. She seemed to do well. She then moved to a sober living house in march. Since then she has been through 3 sober living houses been kicked out of each at least twice. She gets drunk in her sober living on a semi regular basis. Now she just started dating a new guy who might actually be good for her (she has a thing for bad boys) but has already started cheating on him with "H". It also seems that her sex issues that we had worked on over the years to some kind or functionality came screaming back.

She has been going to AA since Nov. and has been on anti depressant med since April. In both of those issues she didn't want to go because she knows and probably due to me shares my distaste for both. The "higher power" part of AA is an insurmountable block for me and also her though she doesn't have the verbal skills to define her own thoughts on the matter to others. As for the meds I did some rather extensive research both during and after a very bad bought of depression that I had years ago into the efficacy of SSRI's and Tricyclics. . . I decided they we absolutely not for me and over the years she imbibed my distrust of them (which would eliminate the placebo effect).
So now I'm watching her crash and burn again. I tried and it didn't work, I broke up with her and tried to get her to help herself and it worked until it didn't (and seemed to be the only time in all this that she seemed to WANT to be sober) Others have tried with their tactics and so far nothing has worked. I still love this girl I'm just not IN love with her. and her feelings on me are confused as hell. She doesn't want to be sober and while not suicidal she says she doesn't want to live life. She seems more on autopilot than depressed. And I have seen her in both states and can tell the difference.
Thoughts on either what I can do to help or how I can protect myself from the heartwrench of seeing her go through this. Total dropping of contact not being desired but even if I did my imagination would just fill things in just as bad if not worse.
Oh and I've generally had a partner in most of the time since we broke up but nothing serious

spoilered for huge block of text length. PM if ideas/questions don't seem board appropriate. and yes this is also a bit of a vent.

[THAC0]

*sigh* Why are schedules so hard to coordinate?

Brief overview of what triggered this... I met a girl through OKC a few weeks ago (first message to her was mid-June, from was the end of June, started texting just before the 4th). She was out of town for a week and a half starting pretty much immediately, so we exchanged a few texts until she was back in town (last weekend). Made plans to go bowling on Wednesday, only for her to wind up with a job interview out of town that day, so we rescheduled for tonight. Well, after spending the afternoon working out the details (when, mostly), she cancelled tonight because she found out she didn't get a second round interview from Wednesday's first interview (having turned down another offer waiting to hear back), and with hiring season just about over (she's looking for teaching jobs, they want contracts signed by the end of the month), she's feeling overwhelmed. And she leaves on a family vacation tomorrow night, so our rain check is for next Friday. Until I realize that next Friday's my birthday, and I'm likely to be doing something (not sure what, yet) with friends for that.

And yes, I realize that she's been the one cancelling/moving our plans, but given how explicit she's being in both why and the fact that she doesn't want to cancel (when she asked for a rain check today), I don't get the impression that this is her way of avoiding something.

And I also realize that my birthday might be a good day for a date or something, but given that we still haven't actually met each other in person, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a good time to start (what with some of my friends being there as well).

Just venting about scheduling annoyances, mostly

As a teacher, and a music teacher even, as I gather this girl is, and (I'm fairly certain, given your other posts) having graduated from the same school, I definitely wouldn't be worried about her moving/cancelling things, with the given reasons.

As far as the birthday thing, is there a way you could, say, meet her for lunch and then do the birthday thing with your friends in the evening, or something along those lines?

[Mainlander]

EDIT: Double post.

[Mainlander]

I just need to get this out there and from lurking I've seen how supportive this community can be. It will likely be long, confusing, and I don't even know if I want advice at all, but here goes:

I started going out with my girlfriend about three years ago. It was a relationship that started online, instant messaging after forum-messaging like this, and it was, obviously, long-distance. At the time I was a sixteen/seventeen-year old dude looking for love maybe a little too desperately. I didn't just want girls to see, I wanted something deep and meaningful and romantic.
And that's what my current girlfriend became at the time. We said I love you long before we should have. I flew out and met her with my mother for a Christmas vacation and it was great. We went to each other's proms and then I moved out her way (quite a distance) for university.
Over the last year of school something's been shaky and it doesn't feel the same. I don't know why. I've gotten relationship advice that made me realise that I might be doing things wrong (we often fall in love with our own projections, rather than the person) and I'm just not sure how I feel about the whole situation anymore. I tried breaking things off with her at the end of last semester before I came home for the summer and it did not go well. We're still together. Yeah, first girlfriend. Three years. I was unprepared and failed at the whole 'stick to your guns' game bigtime. So I'm home now, with about a month left. It's been three months and I don't think we've had one substantial conversation. We text daily but it's either a cursory 'how was work' or a neurotic 'I love you' 'I love you too' exchange.
Even at school it's a tough process. We're not the most compatible of people. I know opposites can work - my parents are a prime example of two people who seem completely incompatible - but I'm just not seeing it. I like going out and being social while she would rather watch tv on the couch as often as possible. I'm a gym guy, a study guy, a morning guy while she's a home-loving gal who prefers sleeping in and late nights.
I really like this girl, I do. I may have made some big mistakes personally with her, but she's great. I don't regret it because I've learned lessons, and am currently learning one, because of my time with her. To make matters worse, she has little in the way of support system whereas I have lots here at home and very little during the school year.

So complicated relationship about to get more complicated. Girl 2 is my best friend of five years. We met in early high school, cue intense crush, getting really close, and keeping in touch faithfully through the two years of university. We spend the Christmas holidays together, summers together, etc. We have a great relationship, with people at work (we even work together!) saying we look great together, our parents saying we look great together, and even ourselves acknowledging that we would be fantastic as a couple at one point. My best male friend said we have the same innocent quality but still enjoy having fun and I think that sums up both of us quite well, and it's been that way since high school.
I think in hindsight that perhaps I jumped into the LDR with my current girlfriend because I was overwhelmed by this girl. I don't think this is a healthy way to think.
I still have feelings for this girl, and spending nearly every day this summer with her has only intensified or amplified them. I am confident we could work as a couple extremely well if it happened.
Except there are obviously complications on this side too. She has recently started dating a 'friend' of hers of five years, whom I just met for the first time today. Okay. Secondly, we now live on other sides of the country for eight months of the year for two more years.

I think the game plan right now is to try and work with the girlfriend during the next semester. We'll talk and if things change for the better over that time we'll continue along. If things don't or change for the worse, I think I'll be moving on. To be honest, even without the best friend fiasco, I could see either of these playing out and me feeling equally comfortable. I do not think this is a good sign.
If I'm single and the best friend's single during Christmas (and conveniently our birthdays) perhaps I'll ask her to go on a date with me. I think this is a possibility. But it's definitely not a good thing to think that far in advance with so many variables. I don't think my feelings will change by that time, though. They haven't for the past many years despite living quite a distance and having a longterm girlfriend.

This is a mess and I always try to be the nicest guy to everybody. I feel that any way things go I would probably feel bad about it and I hate the idea of hurting anyone, even if I'm not getting much of anything from them. And I feel like a gigantic sleezeball for entertaining the idea of other relationships while currently in one. Anyways, I won't be making any major moves anytime within the next month, but it is just something I need to talk to someone about.

[dehro]

I'm at a bit of a loss here.

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woah!

spoilered for huge block of text length. PM if ideas/questions don't seem board appropriate. and yes this is also a bit of a vent.

I'm going to be unpleasant and sound like a coward, maybe...but..

Run like you've had a bad burrito.
You have moved on, after a fashion. so has she, albeit downwards. You are not in the position/role anymore to have a meaningful and effective role in her..solving her compounded issues... this means that if you do something to help her, you're only risking to complicate matters for her...or even just suffer yourself because, from the way you describe her, she stands a good chance of failing at recovering anytime soon..
Either you commit 100% to the cause of helping her get over the hurdles she's facing, (but can you really? do you have the strength and is that indeed your responsability and role in her life? this is not just you, she must consider you her rock as well, or it will be a one way effort with no results. She cannot overcome addictions because she's kindly asked to by others. It has to come from within).. or you bow out and try to do as much damage control you can do in regards to your own life. Walking away and breaking contact with her may actually be the healthiest option for yourself.
anything other than 100% commitment or taking a step back is going to be too little too late, and has a potential for disastrous consequences, emotionally speaking..for yourself and for her.

[rogueboy]

As a teacher, and a music teacher even, as I gather this girl is, and (I'm fairly certain, given your other posts) having graduated from the same school, I definitely wouldn't be worried about her moving/cancelling things, with the given reasons.

As far as the birthday thing, is there a way you could, say, meet her for lunch and then do the birthday thing with your friends in the evening, or something along those lines?

I may suggest the lunch option to her, not sure why I hadn't thought of that on this round (it had occurred to me as an option I could suggest earlier, but then forgot about it). The other option is trying to schedule something for Saturday evening, but perhaps I'll let her decide which is preferable. Also, I'm not sure what her work schedule is going to be that day (she's working as a waitress, with double shifts being a not uncommon situation, given some of her texts).

And just for a fun twist, my understanding is that she didn't graduate from PSU, but moved back after graduating, while she was looking for work. Whether that means she's living with her parents, friends, or solo, I have no idea, I haven't asked and she hasn't volunteered.

I think the part of this whole thing that's causing me the most annoyance is that while I want her to get a job (how can I not hope for the best for someone that I want to be close to?), her succeeding in that would likely preclude any chance of a relationship developing, since she's gone this week, then we'd have a week of trying to build something, then I'm gone for a week, and then we're in mid-August... And yet, if she doesn't get a job, then she's going to be upset because of that... Damn you lose-lose situations!