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  1. - Top - End - #1081
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by AtlanteanTroll View Post
    Soooooooo ...

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    Was in a group setting with my friends, one of which is the girl I like. We were talking about superheroes and such. Got on to the topic of the recent Spideraman movie. Said I hadn't seen it yet. She said it was terribad. I said my nerdy friends like it, because they do. She casually said we could watch it together and she could point out all the reasons it was terribad. Would bringing this up as something the two of us should do a good idea?
    In the future, follow up while the iron is hot because that's a pretty clear thing.
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  2. - Top - End - #1082
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Hey guys. I've posted in a couple of the early (And I mean early) threads before. Uhm... Just popping in to get this off my chest, I guess:

    After an 8-year relationship, I'm single now. Any advice? Dunno if this belongs in the depression thread or not. I.... Am so disoriented.

  3. - Top - End - #1083
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by AtlanteanTroll View Post
    Because I am a fool and a worrywort and it happened very late last night and I'm out of town for most the rest of the weekend. I did say we should sometime though. Yeah.
    Do follow up with it, but maybe keep a backup movie just in case? Make sure if you do that the backup movie is of a kind you both likely will enjoy though. Though in my experience the rest of an evening is easily filled just talking - something I've found is strangely a lot harder with my best friends, but maybe that is because we usually end up playing games at my place on weekend evenings (not as much the last few months, mainly due to my computer's inability to play games anymore).


    Mattarias: dang, 8 years? I can believe you could be very disoriented after that, especially if you lived together. I dunno if the Depression thread is better for it, since it touches on both, but if you're more disoriented than really feeling incredibly sorrowful over it or such, then this might be a better place. You can always ask for advice in both threads though, as I believe they are frequented by some different people who might have other thoughts to offer you.

    I'm generally not good with giving advice, unless it's on where to find advice.
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  4. - Top - End - #1084
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Morph Bark View Post

    Mattarias: dang, 8 years? I can believe you could be very disoriented after that, especially if you lived together. I dunno if the Depression thread is better for it, since it touches on both, but if you're more disoriented than really feeling incredibly sorrowful over it or such, then this might be a better place. You can always ask for advice in both threads though, as I believe they are frequented by some different people who might have other thoughts to offer you.

    I'm generally not good with giving advice, unless it's on where to find advice.
    Nah, we never lived together (which.. Might've been part of the problem? I dunno anymore..) But yeah. No idea where to go from here. Except possibly to a bar with friends, but I feel that can only be a bad idea.

  5. - Top - End - #1085
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Mattarias, King. View Post
    Nah, we never lived together (which.. Might've been part of the problem? I dunno anymore..) But yeah. No idea where to go from here. Except possibly to a bar with friends, but I feel that can only be a bad idea.
    Friends = good idea. Just ask them to make sure you don't drink much. A glass or two of something is okay, but not the amount you normally would drink.

    Keep yourself with friends, keep yourself busy, do your best to carry on with life. All you can do.
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  6. - Top - End - #1086
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Well, Mattarias, if it was me, I would drink the sorrows away without thinking twice. It doesn't help at all in the long run, but I'd do it anyway.

  7. - Top - End - #1087
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Well, Mattarias, if it was me, I would drink the sorrows away without thinking twice. It doesn't help at all in the long run, but I'd do it anyway.
    Honestly, going on an overnight bender and having a night you never remember where you just purge the worst emotions you've got right now may not be a terrible decision.

    In any case, you've got my sympathies, Mattarias. That's rough to hear brother. Whatever ya do, you've got our support along the way.

    All that I say applies only to myself. You author your own actions and choices. I cannot and will not be responsible for you, nor are you for me, regardless of situation or circumstance.

  8. - Top - End - #1088
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Heh. Thanks guys. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I'll make sure I dedicate a drink to this thread.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Mattarias, King. View Post
    Heh. Thanks guys. I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I'll make sure I dedicate a drink to this thread.
    Just stay from pineapples or drinks that look like blood.

  10. - Top - End - #1090
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Just stay from pineapples or drinks that look like blood.
    This.. Sounds like a good idea. ಠ_ಠ I'm unsure why, but I'll take your word for it. Especially the pineapples.

  11. - Top - End - #1091
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    It's difficult to drink something with pineapple in. The spiny leaves poke me in the eye whenever I try it and I have a heck of a time finding a glass big enough. =/

  12. - Top - End - #1092
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    It's difficult to drink something with pineapple in. The spiny leaves poke me in the eye whenever I try it and I have a heck of a time finding a glass big enough. =/
    The seductress has a good poi-

    Waaiiitt.. I sense something ironic about a succubus in a relationship thread.

    ( But seriously, thanks guys. This is why I love these forums.)

  13. - Top - End - #1093
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    That coworker who was flirting with me and I thought may have been flirting with intent?

    Turns out, she's not opposed to being taken out
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  14. - Top - End - #1094
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Marillion View Post
    That coworker who was flirting with me and I thought may have been flirting with intent?

    Turns out, she's not opposed to being taken out
    Lucky. I had a coworker apparently complaining to another coworker that I was hitting on her. Even though all I was doing was trying to have friendly conversation with her.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Lucky. I had a coworker apparently complaining to another coworker that I was hitting on her. Even though all I was doing was trying to have friendly conversation with her.
    I had this happen once. Or, rather, her friend was like "So, you like ___, right? She's been complaining to me that you've been flirting with her." And I was like "Umm...no?"

    ...then I asked the girl why she was telling people I was flirting with her, and her response was "Oh my god, I can't believe you were talking about me behind my back!"

    ...some people are silly. *nods*



    Not really a woe, per se, but I've had a lot of betrayals of my trust by the people I've been involved with. It hasn't caused problems with my current girlfriend yet, but I'm worried I'll screw up and ruin a good thing. How do you get over having people hurt you, I guess, is what I'm asking?
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  16. - Top - End - #1096
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobra_Ikari View Post
    Not really a woe, per se, but I've had a lot of betrayals of my trust by the people I've been involved with. It hasn't caused problems with my current girlfriend yet, but I'm worried I'll screw up and ruin a good thing. How do you get over having people hurt you, I guess, is what I'm asking?
    Time. Fraid I can't give you more of an answer than that.
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  17. - Top - End - #1097
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    It's also likely easier to get over if those people are no longer a part of your life. And is your girlfriend aware of these trust issues you have?
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  18. - Top - End - #1098
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    ...How is one supposed to interact with a 10 year old girl cousin when one is in one's 20s?

    Before she was always so scared of my beard that it never really came up, I think...

    Because of the constant pedophilia scares growing up, I'd just trained myself to outright ignore children and avoid being anywhere near them because the last thing I wanted was some mom to attack me in a mall somewhere because I was walking too close to her and her bratlings.

    And how is one supposed to make up one's mind about one's sibling's fiance, especially when there's been rumors of domestic violence but one doesn't know if that was just one fistfight that got exaggerated in the retelling?
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2012-09-02 at 08:49 AM.
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  19. - Top - End - #1099
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobra_Ikari View Post
    I had this happen once. Or, rather, her friend was like "So, you like ___, right? She's been complaining to me that you've been flirting with her." And I was like "Umm...no?"

    ...then I asked the girl why she was telling people I was flirting with her, and her response was "Oh my god, I can't believe you were talking about me behind my back!"

    ...some people are silly. *nods*
    The even more fun part is I found out through a fourth party. Girl complained to other coworker, coworker said something to a friend, and my friend only recently mentioned it (after sitting on it for a while). Said girl had been gone for several weeks by the time I found out.
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  20. - Top - End - #1100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    ...How is one supposed to interact with a 10 year old girl cousin when one is in one's 20s?

    Before she was always so scared of my beard that it never really came up, I think...

    Because of the constant pedophilia scares growing up, I'd just trained myself to outright ignore children and avoid being anywhere near them because the last thing I wanted was some mom to attack me in a mall somewhere because I was walking too close to her and her bratlings.

    And how is one supposed to make up one's mind about one's sibling's fiance, especially when there's been rumors of domestic violence but one doesn't know if that was just one fistfight that got exaggerated in the retelling?
    I dunno, treat it like a little kid? That's how I treat my sister. But I'm still pretending she's not going to be a girl when she grows up.

    I forgot that some people are scared of grown men interacting with their kids. The other day I was walking a friend's puppy and I ended up chatting with a whole bunch of little kids less than six years old. Is that a thing I should avoid?
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  21. - Top - End - #1101
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    I forgot that some people are scared of grown men interacting with their kids. The other day I was walking a friend's puppy and I ended up chatting with a whole bunch of little kids less than six years old. Is that a thing I should avoid?
    As much as a I hate to say it, it probably depends on how you look. For instance, I'm a somewhat large/tall, kinda scruffy looking guy, who dresses in alot of dark colors and have a skull on my hat. I should not hang out around children if I don't want weird looks. My roommate (we're the same age) could pass for 15 if he shaved regularly, and looks like a clean-cut, ex military guy even if he doesn't. He could get away with it more likely.

    Honestly though, as long as you don't ACTUALLY do anything wrong with the kids, there's nothing inherently wrong with talking to them. You just might have to explain what you were talking about if you look sketch.

    Similar to the co-workers problem - Several years ago, I was playing on my school soccer team, and the opposing team was co-ed. The female forward (who as far as I knew, I hadn't said a word to all game) told the ref I was sexually harassing her, and he threatened to red-card me. Luckily the game ended before the next time play stopped. He also told my coach, who didn't believe me when I said I didn't do anything (I had a trouble-maker reputation at school).
    Last edited by ForzaFiori; 2012-09-02 at 04:53 PM.
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  22. - Top - End - #1102
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    I dunno, treat it like a little kid? That's how I treat my sister. But I'm still pretending she's not going to be a girl when she grows up.

    I forgot that some people are scared of grown men interacting with their kids. The other day I was walking a friend's puppy and I ended up chatting with a whole bunch of little kids less than six years old. Is that a thing I should avoid?
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    Part of the problem there is that... very small children have always been creatures that I've either actively avoided out of discomfort due to not knowing how to deal with them because they're like toddlers or kept away from due to a combination of the age gap, protective parenting, and my being a male child even if a relative. Other small children that I've been around have either been boys where the rules of engagement were pre-defined by the parents because I was basically baby-sitting them and I couldn't really avoid them because they were using me as a glorified jungle gym.

    Or they were little girls and they kept trying to hurt me for some perverse, possibly Don Quixote-like reason. I just... don't know what to do and I'm not sure why I'm so uncomfortable around her instead of just acting naturally, but I think part of it is just because I don't know how to make heads or tails of her, since it used to be that she was either a small child who I occasionally made faces at to laugh during holidays and that would be the extent of our interaction or hiding from me because I was tall and scary or smelled funny and scary or bearded and scary.

    And now it's like she's just old enough to actually sort of have a conversation with, but I don't want to say anything inappropriate or scar her for life or upset my aunt and uncle and I don't really know how to really approach them to ask about what boundaries I need to respect around her without seeming like I come off like a pedophile or something and I'm probably a lot more paranoid about that worry than is reasonable but even knowing and recognizing that only helps so much when I actively suppress and squelch the fear and uncertainty that wells up within me.

    To be honest, it's times like these that I just kind of wonder what the heck is wrong with me.

    And I know at least part of this is just that I had the realization that I don't know how to interact with her but due to the increasing age of her older brothers and herself, I'll have to interact with her and the cousins around my age were always a lot more distant than this aunt/uncle's family and the only female relatives I've ever had who weren't adults or essentially babies before now was a cousin who went out of her way to avoid interacting with me or speaking to me even when we were visiting our grandmother at the same time and a second cousin who I met once when I was 4, forgot existed, and then met again when we were 17 and she looked like she could be the twin of the girl I was dating at the time and that was a whole mess of awkward that eventually helped lead to a breakup.

    Yay for long-winded Coidzorean life history that no one wanted to hear ever.

    Umm...


    tl;dr never actually had to interact with girl children, uncertainty in general, also freaking out over possibly becoming an uncle barring any kind of tragic accident. All sort of combining into one Coidzor-panic-stew.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2012-09-02 at 05:04 PM.
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  23. - Top - End - #1103
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForzaFiori View Post
    As much as a I hate to say it, it probably depends on how you look. For instance, I'm a somewhat large/tall, kinda scruffy looking guy, who dresses in alot of dark colors and have a skull on my hat. I should not hang out around children if I don't want weird looks. My roommate (we're the same age) could pass for 15 if he shaved regularly, and looks like a clean-cut, ex military guy even if he doesn't. He could get away with it more likely.

    Honestly though, as long as you don't ACTUALLY do anything wrong with the kids, there's nothing inherently wrong with talking to them. You just might have to explain what you were talking about if you look sketch.

    Similar to the co-workers problem - Several years ago, I was playing on my school soccer team, and the opposing team was co-ed. The female forward (who as far as I knew, I hadn't said a word to all game) told the ref I was sexually harassing her, and he threatened to red-card me. Luckily the game ended before the next time play stopped. He also told my coach, who didn't believe me when I said I didn't do anything (I had a trouble-maker reputation at school).
    I'm only eighteen, but the oldest I've ever been mistaken for is twenty-two. But I don't dress neatly (worn-out cargo pants and t-shirts, and my shoes are more glue and string than shoe), and I grew mutton chops over the summer.
    This is me last time I dressed well.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
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    Part of the problem there is that... very small children have always been creatures that I've either actively avoided out of discomfort due to not knowing how to deal with them because they're like toddlers or kept away from due to a combination of the age gap, protective parenting, and my being a male child even if a relative. Other small children that I've been around have either been boys where the rules of engagement were pre-defined by the parents because I was basically baby-sitting them and I couldn't really avoid them because they were using me as a glorified jungle gym.

    Or they were little girls and they kept trying to hurt me for some perverse, possibly Don Quixote-like reason. I just... don't know what to do and I'm not sure why I'm so uncomfortable around her instead of just acting naturally, but I think part of it is just because I don't know how to make heads or tails of her, since it used to be that she was either a small child who I occasionally made faces at to laugh during holidays and that would be the extent of our interaction or hiding from me because I was tall and scary or smelled funny and scary or bearded and scary.

    And now it's like she's just old enough to actually sort of have a conversation with, but I don't want to say anything inappropriate or scar her for life or upset my aunt and uncle and I don't really know how to really approach them to ask about what boundaries I need to respect around her without seeming like I come off like a pedophile or something and I'm probably a lot more paranoid about that worry than is reasonable but even knowing and recognizing that only helps so much when I actively suppress and squelch the fear and uncertainty that wells up within me.

    To be honest, it's times like these that I just kind of wonder what the heck is wrong with me.

    And I know at least part of this is just that I had the realization that I don't know how to interact with her but due to the increasing age of her older brothers and herself, I'll have to interact with her and the cousins around my age were always a lot more distant than this aunt/uncle's family and the only female relatives I've ever had who weren't adults or essentially babies before now was a cousin who went out of her way to avoid interacting with me or speaking to me even when we were visiting our grandmother at the same time and a second cousin who I met once when I was 4, forgot existed, and then met again when we were 17 and she looked like she could be the twin of the girl I was dating at the time and that was a whole mess of awkward that eventually helped lead to a breakup.

    Yay for long-winded Coidzorean life history that no one wanted to hear ever.

    Umm...


    tl;dr never actually had to interact with girl children, uncertainty in general, also freaking out over possibly becoming an uncle barring any kind of tragic accident. All sort of combining into one Coidzor-panic-stew.
    Well, I don't really know how to describe how interacting with kids works because I've never thought about it. I'm used to having two younger siblings and a couple of younger cousins a year younger than my brother, so it's never been something I had to think about how to do.
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  24. - Top - End - #1104
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So, uhm...
    that date I went on? It went really well.
    I have a boyfriend now and I'm so happy
    So proud of myself I took initiative and asked him out. *does a little dance*

    About the kids thing...
    As a woman, I generally don't experience problems with this. I think it's horrible grown men feel awkward when interacting with kids. I sometimes think the whole paedophilia thing is making people paranoid.
    I see nothing wrong with talking to kids. It's talking. I guess one could be careful about touching them... I don't really know. I just don't see the problem with a man talking to a bunch of kids.
    Yes, this is not really good advice..
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  25. - Top - End - #1105
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I envy you people who are able to just randomly find someone. I have managed to see the same girl three times, now, but I don't know. It's not really feeling like dates so much as just seeing the person. I've only spent around 6 hours with this particular person and I just feel like I'm trying to force myself into feeling something.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    I envy you people who are able to just randomly find someone. I have managed to see the same girl three times, now, but I don't know. It's not really feeling like dates so much as just seeing the person. I've only spent around 6 hours with this particular person and I just feel like I'm trying to force myself into feeling something.
    Before I "randomly found someone" in the past (and hopefully again now), I was in a relationship that felt like the way you're feeling a lot of the time.

    Often it's not so much as random happenstance, but rather putting yourself into places and situations where you're more likely to meet people you may be interested in and who may be interested in you and being active in trying for a connection with such people and showing your interest. However, in this case, I'd say that if you're just not feeling it and more importantly feel like you're forcing something, you probably should re-evaluate what you're trying to do. If she's interested in you, going on more dates with her would just end up deluding her.

    Now, what actually is random happenstance is finding out that your date's parents were married on the same date as your own. Or your first date being during a blue moon without having planned for it.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Morph Bark View Post
    Before I "randomly found someone" in the past (and hopefully again now), I was in a relationship that felt like the way you're feeling a lot of the time.

    Often it's not so much as random happenstance, but rather putting yourself into places and situations where you're more likely to meet people you may be interested in and who may be interested in you and being active in trying for a connection with such people and showing your interest. However, in this case, I'd say that if you're just not feeling it and more importantly feel like you're forcing something, you probably should re-evaluate what you're trying to do. If she's interested in you, going on more dates with her would just end up deluding her.
    Well, I met her online (OKCupid, to be precise) and she seems interesting enough. I'm just not feeling the same about her as I've felt about people in the past. Maybe I haven't given it enough time, but it just feels weird that I didn't meet her and have a mutual attraction grow over time. If that makes any sense. I don't know if I should give it more time or what. I am confused.

    As for putting myself out there, pretty much the only things I do are still attend the two clubs I was in during college, so I'm a 27-year old meeting 18-21 year olds. Not great odds, but maybe something will happen.

    Now, what actually is random happenstance is finding out that your date's parents were married on the same date as your own. Or your first date being during a blue moon without having planned for it.
    That is random.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    tl;dr never actually had to interact with girl children, uncertainty in general, also freaking out over possibly becoming an uncle barring any kind of tragic accident. All sort of combining into one Coidzor-panic-stew.
    Yeah. I totally understand the total lack of knowing what to do here. I am freaked out by small children as especially babies. Hebee Geebies. It is apparently highly comic (I'm not easily disturbed or upset but this work and friends with munchkins exploit it). He is what I have found works. Talk to them like you would a very short, rather conservitive, adult. By conservitive avoid risque topics or jokes. Try to speak clearly and focus on narative speech paterns. Try to avoid swatting them if they try to play with your beard (which will get very wierd when they try to taste it or stick their hands in your mouth-extreamly common). I found the fact I freeze stupid around small children highly useful in avoiding the pedophelia look. I have no problem recomending it. As for talking to her parents about how to talk to her. Ask them what developmental stage she is at and what her favotie toys are. Then you can distract her away whenever you feel out of sorts.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Marillion View Post
    That coworker who was flirting with me and I thought may have been flirting with intent?

    Turns out, she's not opposed to being taken out
    by a hitman? step away, dude... funerals are no fun dates
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Hello all. I was hoping not to have to venture here, but I've been placed in a very serious situation concerning relationships, and I desperately need some help regarding as situation that doesn't appear to have an easy conclusion. Probably not for the faint of heart. It goes without saying that if you stumble across this, various real life friends who frequent this forum, I'd appreciate you respecting my privacy.

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    At least one of you may remember my asking for help a while back - this is why.

    I've been in a relationship with a young lady (Let's call her Carol) for about a year now. It was a classic teenage thing, which never got particularly serious (nothing physical) and wasn't well thought through. Carol has had a very different, and much harsher upbringing, than I have, and lives in borderline poverty, though she's now working full time and in a less severe position that she used to be. She hasn't exactly had an easy life, but grew quite strongly attached to me (and vice versa) after we met. Unfortunately, as we grew to know each-other better, it became apparent that we have some rather serious differences of opinion on a number of matters to political/religious to be mentioned here. She's rather overt in expressing her views, and they are rather more extreme than I am comfortable with.

    About February, I tried to start toning the relationship down, realising that it was foolish of me to have been involved, and having learnt a lesson about teen romance. Unfortunately, I wasn't very smart in how I went about it. She was unsettlingly devoted to me, and as such I felt that breaking up with her would be very emotionally painful, instead hoping to tone it down to the point where we could call it off quietly. I was unnerved by her very often unloading emotional baggage on me, when I had enough of my own to deal with and was becoming increasingly busy with my final year of school, and I no longer felt any reciprocation to her somewhat detailed professions of love (not sexual, but very.. flowery).

    This didn't work. She began to be upset that we didn't meet often enough, and seemed to completely miss or ignore the warning signs I had given (in hindsight, as I said, I should've been more direct). Worse, she has actually become increasingly attached, to the point where about 2 months ago I told her directly that I was busy, I didn't need her emotional baggage, I needed some time alone and I wanted the relationship toned down. I would've thought that this was a pretty clear sign, and for a little while she seemed to have as well. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, I started getting some worrying emails. They talked about waiting until the end of the year so we can "be eachother's", and she would focus greatly on how she loved and needed me. If you're thinking it sounds like the beginnings of 'creeping', you're completely right. By this point I hadn't given a single sign that I wanted a continued relationship since about February, but she was still constantly expressing love and a need to be with me. I mentioned (foolishly) a few weeks ago that I wasn't keeping in touch much because almost all of my socialising nowadays was on facebook, and hey presto, the next day, she had signed up and sent a friend request, despite saying all the time I knew her that she hated facebook.

    She asked a few nights ago to take me out to dinner, alternating between acknowledging that she was pushing for a relationship when I'd asked to tone it down and pushing for it nonetheless, all the while constantly talking about how she 'neeeded' me. I told her frankly that I did not want to meet up with her and that I needed time alone, especially with work, and she admitted that she thought as much. I wasn't foolish enough to think that the problem had been solved with that, but I had no idea what I was looking at until this afternoon.

    I've just received an email from here that is setting off every alarm bell imaginable. Sent at midnight last night, it starts off apologising (once again) that she isn't leaving me alone, but then launches straight into professing her undying love and saying she wants to be with me forever. She's asking me to promise that we can be together again at the end of the year, but she'll only back off if I do, because she "can't take it otherwise". She's written a goddamn poem about her eternal love for me, talking about me being the only joy in her life, how I energise her with love but that she cries because she misses me so much. It makes references to facebook posts and comments I've made, and it's pretty clear that she's reading my profile pretty closely. I am really, really, really worried.

    These aren't normal or healthy things. This is grade-A terror. I do NOT need this at the moment, with my final exams in just over a month. But it's not as simple as telling her to back the **** off. She clearly isn't stable. This whole 'You are all that makes me happy' vibe is a recurring thing, and I'm worried for her mental health if I break up with her. Whatever happens, it won't do her any good, but I absolutely cannot be indecisive here. I don't want any relationship, I want her to leave me alone, and she is scaring me.

    I suppose I just really need help - it's clear that she isn't responding to anything subtle, or even relatively overt. It absolutely has to stop, but being frank would devastate her emotionally. At the end of the day, it's a price I'm willing to pay, but I don't want to have to do that to another human being, no matter how emotionally dependent they seem to have become.

    If anyone has absolutely any idea what to do, I really need help. Send me a pm or something.
    Last edited by Elm11; 2012-09-04 at 02:20 AM.
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