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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    @MountainKing: You've done some honest self-evaluation, and you're getting on with your life. Altogether, you seem to be handling it quite well. Good on you.

  2. - Top - End - #122
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I'd say the biggest part of my problem is that, I really don't have very many friends left in this town. They've all pretty much moved away, or gotten married and had children. I have a few friends left in Lansing, but the problem there, is that it's thirty minutes away, and my vehicle can only run safely for abooouuuut ten minutes, tops.

    I have a big plan for making changes in my life that I've thus far been sticking to pretty well... A was originally a large part of that plan, even though the plan was primarily for my own benefit as an adult and a person. Without her... the plan seems kind of pointless, but... I'm still going all engines ahead full. Down the line, the plan may get a bit of tweaking, but... for now, I'm sticking to it. I'm not letting losing her stop me.

    Admittedly, A IS one of the reasons. I honestly don't know if, later on down the line in the plan, if I'll be able to come back into her life. Handling my emotions on that fact rationally has been... difficult. While I truthfully do not know if she'd ever let me come back, at the same time, I have a hard time believing she wouldn't. We were best friends for the last eight years of our lives, and shared some feelings to boot.

    HOWEVER. That "handling my emotions on that fact rationally" has also managed to keep me on track for other reasons. Specifically, the plan involves several steps that I truly do need to take, for myself. Maybe even BY myself. Remains to be seen. Plus, if I give up on the plan now, I'll just continue to be what I am... and being brutally honest with myself (and you guys), that's not exactly a flattering thing. It's a pretty pathetic thing, really. So, giving up on myself just because I've lost A is not an option.
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  3. - Top - End - #123
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    What is flirting? Like, I'm not quite as sheltered as to have no idea what the concept is, but I'm asking for some help identifying flirty behaviours. Human social cues are so weird and often seemingly arbitrary, and a list of things to watch for (largely so I can make sure I'm not accidentally flirting) would be lovely.
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  4. - Top - End - #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    What is flirting? Like, I'm not quite as sheltered as to have no idea what the concept is, but I'm asking for some help identifying flirty behaviours. Human social cues are so weird and often seemingly arbitrary, and a list of things to watch for (largely so I can make sure I'm not accidentally flirting) would be lovely.
    Don't worry about accidental flirting, I would hope (Well, if you have a paranoia of getting punched in the face by insecure guys, you might worry). Flirting is another way of referring to interacting with people you like, kind of like how chatting is talking, but less formal.

    But some ideas (which are not applicable in all settings):
    Flirting is....
    -Talking to someone out of a group of people, without talking to anyone else in the group
    -Making suggestive/dirty comments and jokes in a playful manner
    -Touching hand/arm/neck/face or hair

    How you know if you are flirting with someone successfully is usually either a body-language thing (which is difficult to describe in writing without going into treatise format), or if they start giggling/laughing.
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  5. - Top - End - #125
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Really, if you don't know, you don't know, flirting-wise. There's no line where "this is flirting, this is not". It's confusing. There is no definition. It just kinda... is.
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  6. - Top - End - #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    I've sadly just about run out of people to talk to online, with her gone, BUT, on the plus side, I'm totally going to trivia tonight with a bunch of friends, and then I'll be hanging out with my best friend drinking and being a hooligan in videogames for the remainder. ...that sounds awfully short-sighted, actually, given that it'll only get me to about 4am tonight, maybe sooner, depending. But one thing at a time.

    *hugsback* Thanks. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted if anything develops. At least, for me.
    DUDE WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN

    MK, dude, I'd be there for ya, you know... if you believed in being around some more. You know how to reach me. You need anything, I'm here man. Just slowed down my activity, haven't left or anything.

    Sounds like you're in deep right now and pretty down. I understand that dude, I really do, and if you need to talk or vent or just bro it up for awhile, know you can reach out to me, aye?
    Last edited by arguskos; 2012-04-25 at 09:29 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #127
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Turns out a season of Archer with my brosef, whom I will call K, has been really good for burying emotions and letting me exist relatively unscathed. Healthy? Not forever. For tonight? Doing pretty well!

    EDIT: In retrospect, part of this post was a terrrrrible endorsement for relatively unhealthy behavior. Don't listen to everything I say. >_>
    Last edited by MountainKing; 2012-04-26 at 01:04 AM.
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  8. - Top - End - #128
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    Relationship advice? Find a geek who's geekiness surpasses other geeks in your realm but not your own. I'm marrying my geek this July. We are so frackin' hot and geeky together. Be jealous. ;)

    I'll have you know I got my masters at the Kevorkian School of Medicine, thank you very much!

  9. - Top - End - #129
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Sure hope you're signing a pre-nup.
    Last edited by Moonshadow; 2012-04-26 at 01:35 AM.
    Witness my glory and know that when my darkness fades, if you yet live, it is because an ally does not.

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    YOUR ODDS UNFAVORED, MY WEB TOO STRONG! SPEED WON'T NEGATE A LINE STEPPED WRONG!
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  10. - Top - End - #130
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll View Post
    There is no definition. It just kinda... is.
    Yes there is! It's making playful, romantic and/or sexual overtures. It's right there in te dictionary.

  11. - Top - End - #131
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by wadledo View Post
    Don't worry about accidental flirting, I would hope (Well, if you have a paranoia of getting punched in the face by insecure guys, you might worry). Flirting is another way of referring to interacting with people you like, kind of like how chatting is talking, but less formal.

    But some ideas (which are not applicable in all settings):
    Flirting is....
    -Talking to someone out of a group of people, without talking to anyone else in the group
    -Making suggestive/dirty comments and jokes in a playful manner
    -Touching hand/arm/neck/face or hair

    How you know if you are flirting with someone successfully is usually either a body-language thing (which is difficult to describe in writing without going into treatise format), or if they start giggling/laughing.
    I'd be kind of amused if a guy punched me in the face. That might be fun.
    Though I do tend to make suggestive or dirty comments and jokes in a playful manner more often around guy friends.
    Either way, I just don't want people to mistakenly think I'm interested when I'm not.
    Example of suggestive comment:
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    So the other night I was getting dinner. For some reason, they had cups like twice as tall as the usual soda cups. I guess because they do free refills they figure the size of the cup doesn't really matter. Anyhow, I put my cup (with soda) in one of my side pockets. A bit later a female friend notices I have a cup of soda in my pocket. She takes it out, realises it's larger than the usual ones, and says, "Wow, this is pretty big." I say, "Yeah, big things tend to come out of my pants."
    And the face she made made it totally worth it. Otherwise it would have been me being juvenile, but instead it was hilarious.

    Is that the sort of comment I should restrict to comfortably heterosexual male friends, and friends who know I'm just being juvenile, and not a thing I should say around a stranger/acquaintance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll View Post
    Really, if you don't know, you don't know, flirting-wise. There's no line where "this is flirting, this is not". It's confusing. There is no definition. It just kinda... is.
    Meh. I guess with my charming good looks and lack of knowledge of what is flirting I'll be forever warding off unwanted romantic overtures.


    Quote Originally Posted by Expladia View Post
    Relationship advice? Find a geek who's geekiness surpasses other geeks in your realm but not your own. I'm marrying my geek this July. We are so frackin' hot and geeky together. Be jealous. ;)
    Congrats! n.n
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  12. - Top - End - #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    I'd be kind of amused if a guy punched me in the face. That might be fun.
    Though I do tend to make suggestive or dirty comments and jokes in a playful manner more often around guy friends.
    Either way, I just don't want people to mistakenly think I'm interested when I'm not.
    Example of suggestive comment:
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    So the other night I was getting dinner. For some reason, they had cups like twice as tall as the usual soda cups. I guess because they do free refills they figure the size of the cup doesn't really matter. Anyhow, I put my cup (with soda) in one of my side pockets. A bit later a female friend notices I have a cup of soda in my pocket. She takes it out, realises it's larger than the usual ones, and says, "Wow, this is pretty big." I say, "Yeah, big things tend to come out of my pants."
    And the face she made made it totally worth it. Otherwise it would have been me being juvenile, but instead it was hilarious.

    Is that the sort of comment I should restrict to comfortably heterosexual male friends, and friends who know I'm just being juvenile, and not a thing I should say around a stranger/acquaintance?
    Well, the trouble is do you want to never have women interested in you?
    Because if you try not to have flirting behavior around women, women will (I assume, since I am not one, but I'm pretty sure this is a correct assumption) think that you are not attracted to them.

    It's kinda like how it's not seen as entirely impolite to subtly gawk at a very attractive person, it's also not impolite to mildly flirt (I.e. don't make it a point to flirt, just do so naturally, like your story), as long as you are not flirting with someone in a relationship/you are in a relationship and your other is right there/in an entirely inappropriate situation (funeral, middle of company dinner, while in the middle of intense work)/when it's not actually noticed.
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    There's a concept called mercy. Are you familiar with it?
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  13. - Top - End - #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by wadledo View Post
    Well, the trouble is do you want to never have women interested in you?
    Because if you try not to have flirting behavior around women, women will (I assume, since I am not one, but I'm pretty sure this is a correct assumption) think that you are not attracted to them.

    It's kinda like how it's not seen as entirely impolite to subtly gawk at a very attractive person, it's also not impolite to mildly flirt (I.e. don't make it a point to flirt, just do so naturally, like your story), as long as you are not flirting with someone in a relationship/you are in a relationship and your other is right there/in an entirely inappropriate situation (funeral, middle of company dinner, while in the middle of intense work)/when it's not actually noticed.
    It would be pretty nice if nobody, female or male, expressed interest in me. I'm not interested in romance or sex or any of that terrestrial reproductive stuff.
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  14. - Top - End - #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    It would be pretty nice if nobody, female or male, expressed interest in me. I'm not interested in romance or sex or any of that terrestrial reproductive stuff.
    So you never want to have any sort of connection with anyone outside of normal polite conversation?
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    Wadledo, you dislike EVERYONE. Therefore, you don't count.
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    Maybe this is the only true fix for spellcasting, making people scared of using it.
    Quote Originally Posted by dragonprime View Post
    There's a concept called mercy. Are you familiar with it?
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  15. - Top - End - #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by wadledo View Post
    So you never want to have any sort of connection with anyone outside of normal polite conversation?
    How am I supposed to tell people when they're being dumb if I'm never impolite? No, I just want to be more aware of how normal people perceive me.
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  16. - Top - End - #136
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    How am I supposed to tell people when they're being dumb if I'm never impolite? No, I just want to be more aware of how normal people perceive me.
    I think you misundersdood wadledo's use of the words "polite conversation".

    Also, I wouldn't ignore the possibility that your mind may change on the whole feeling of not wanting intimate relations with anyone. I'm not saying that you're incorrect about what you feel, just that people change over time, and several people on this forum have realised that they are, in fact, demisexual rather than asexual. I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility that something may happen in the future, if I was you.

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  17. - Top - End - #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rawhide View Post
    I think you misundersdood wadledo's use of the words "polite conversation".

    Also, I wouldn't ignore the possibility that your mind may change on the whole feeling of not wanting intimate relations with anyone. I'm not saying that you're incorrect about what you feel, just that people change over time, and several people on this forum have realised that they are, in fact, demisexual rather than asexual. I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility that something may happen in the future, if I was you.
    I have considered the possibility that I might be demisexual, but I'm close enough to aromantic that it's not my biggest concern.
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  18. - Top - End - #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    How am I supposed to tell people when they're being dumb if I'm never impolite? No, I just want to be more aware of how normal people perceive me.
    There's the key bit. You don't tell people if they're being dumb unless it's for something that has the serious potential to have a bad outcome. People, on the whole, do not like being told if they're doing something stupid.
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  19. - Top - End - #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyromancer999 View Post
    There's the key bit. You don't tell people if they're being dumb unless it's for something that has the serious potential to have a bad outcome. People, on the whole, do not like being told if they're doing something stupid.
    Well, yeah. I'm usually civil when I tell people they're being dumb.
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  20. - Top - End - #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    Well, yeah. I'm usually civil when I tell people they're being dumb.
    "What's so civil about war, anyway?"

    I dunno if you were being sarcastic about your good looks, but if you weren't, maaaaaaaaaan... for shame, says I. Rejecting the finer gender, basically out of disinterested spite? When they're apparently just throwing themselves at you left and right? I mean, you do realize how much a LOT of other geeky fellows would kill to be in your shoes, y'know? I mean, to be frank, I don't know how un-normal you really are, but uh... based on what you're saying, there's some stuff you've got to work through. I mean, it stands to reason (I think) that if you're flirting, even unintentionally, then somewhere inside your head, your brain is going "Mmm... ladies/gentlemen...", possibly while drooling a little. I know my subconscious is a mess, and I can only speak for what I know.

    I guess, I'm just trying to say that, there's gotta be a reason you're flirting, even if you don't recognize it. I've been getting joshed around by my friends for years about flirting with random women, and I never realize it. Personally, I suspect "true" flirting happens when you're not trying. It's a thief in the night, so's to speak.
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  21. - Top - End - #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    "What's so civil about war, anyway?"

    I dunno if you were being sarcastic about your good looks, but if you weren't, maaaaaaaaaan... for shame, says I. Rejecting the finer gender, basically out of disinterested spite? When they're apparently just throwing themselves at you left and right? I mean, you do realize how much a LOT of other geeky fellows would kill to be in your shoes, y'know? I mean, to be frank, I don't know how un-normal you really are, but uh... based on what you're saying, there's some stuff you've got to work through. I mean, it stands to reason (I think) that if you're flirting, even unintentionally, then somewhere inside your head, your brain is going "Mmm... ladies/gentlemen...", possibly while drooling a little. I know my subconscious is a mess, and I can only speak for what I know.
    He's asexual.

    And Iunno, I don't think you need to be romantically interested in someone to flirt with them? Flirting / teasing is just something that features in quite a bit of conversations. *shrug*
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  22. - Top - End - #142
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    How am I supposed to tell people when they're being dumb if I'm never impolite? No, I just want to be more aware of how normal people perceive me.
    I have very little idea what you are saying.

    What I meant was, "So you don't want people to be any closer than work friends with you?"
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    Maybe this is the only true fix for spellcasting, making people scared of using it.
    Quote Originally Posted by dragonprime View Post
    There's a concept called mercy. Are you familiar with it?
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  23. - Top - End - #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    "What's so civil about war, anyway?"

    I dunno if you were being sarcastic about your good looks, but if you weren't, maaaaaaaaaan... for shame, says I. Rejecting the finer gender, basically out of disinterested spite? When they're apparently just throwing themselves at you left and right? I mean, you do realize how much a LOT of other geeky fellows would kill to be in your shoes, y'know? I mean, to be frank, I don't know how un-normal you really are, but uh... based on what you're saying, there's some stuff you've got to work through. I mean, it stands to reason (I think) that if you're flirting, even unintentionally, then somewhere inside your head, your brain is going "Mmm... ladies/gentlemen...", possibly while drooling a little. I know my subconscious is a mess, and I can only speak for what I know.

    I guess, I'm just trying to say that, there's gotta be a reason you're flirting, even if you don't recognize it. I've been getting joshed around by my friends for years about flirting with random women, and I never realize it. Personally, I suspect "true" flirting happens when you're not trying. It's a thief in the night, so's to speak.
    I think that "flirting" can be a normal part of human interactions, and that the same actions can be construed as flirting or not depending on who's doing the construing.
    And yes, I am actually that attractive.[/narcissist]

    Quote Originally Posted by wadledo View Post
    I have very little idea what you are saying.

    What I meant was, "So you don't want people to be any closer than work friends with you?"
    I've never had a job, but I feel like there are different levels of non-romantic friendship. But basically what I'm saying is that I'm not interested in romance or sex and I don't want people to misconstrue my actions as flirting when they're just me being my sarcastic, slightly ironically asinine, self.
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  24. - Top - End - #144
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    He's asexual.

    And Iunno, I don't think you need to be romantically interested in someone to flirt with them? Flirting / teasing is just something that features in quite a bit of conversations. *shrug*
    Well, I suppose it could be base biology driving his subconscious to do it, but I think we'll have to disagree on whether or not flirting is romantic/sexually driven. I know I don't flirt with people I'm not attracted to, but everybody's different. Just seems a bit strange. I also don't think flirting with a friend and flirting with a cute stranger/coworker are anywhere near the same thing, but I'll digress.

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    I think that "flirting" can be a normal part of human interactions, and that the same actions can be construed as flirting or not depending on who's doing the construing.
    And yes, I am actually that attractive.[/narcissist]

    I've never had a job, but I feel like there are different levels of non-romantic friendship. But basically what I'm saying is that I'm not interested in romance or sex and I don't want people to misconstrue my actions as flirting when they're just me being my sarcastic, slightly ironically asinine, self.
    Well, assuming that this particular cigar really is just a cigar, I guess all you can really do is try your best to not give off romance-y impressions. Good luck with that, you sexy beast, you. The only alternative I can see, is pretty much making it known publicly in some subtle way that you have no romantic or sexual desires. In my experience, it doesn't really matter where you are; grapevines work wonders for spreading information. Being open and truthful about it is pretty much all you've got.
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  25. - Top - End - #145
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So I've decided to try online dating again, but this time with Match because the others don't seem to have many people close, I think the free ones just aren't that well known around here.

    So I want to get some feedback on the basic self description I have posted. I can't find a way to link to the profile directly so I'll just post the primary text part here. I think there are a few things I want to change and clean up (as I sort of wrote it in pieces then keep going back and making additions and minor changes) but I think its ok so far, if a bit long.

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    This is always the hardest part...

    I'm very much an introvert. I really don't like crowds and I'm glad to be out of a big city (I spent 8 years living in Phoenix). I would have no problem never going to another bar in my life.

    I like most children and most of them like me too. I also know and accept that anyone with kids that those kids will always come first, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

    I try to be a positive and supportive person.

    I'm looking for someone that will accept me for who I am and I will do likewise. I'm looking for someone that I can do things with, but also someone that I can do nothing with.
    As for what else I'm looking for, what everyone says and really doesn't mean much in something like this. Not many people are going to say they aren't nice, they aren't going to say they are dumb, or that they are hard to get along with. Beyond "being a good person" I'm not sure if anything I think I want is really what I actually want or need from someone else.

    I've been spending a lot of time working out this last year. I've just recently starting riding a road bike, hoping to get a lot more miles on it this year. I ran my second half marathon in SLC recently and managed a much better time then I ever expected. I also go to the gym a lot, taking classes mostly.
    I want to go skiing more but only made a few trips this last year.

    I also take part in the SCA, though its not very active here so I only get to a few events a year.

    I want to go camping a lot more then I ended up getting to go this last year. Mostly just having a hard time finding anyone else with the free time and desire to go.

    I'm sure there are a lot of other activities I would enjoy doing but I'm not doing simply because I don't know anyone else doing them. I'm up to trying a lot of things.
    I've got a lot of other hobbies I just never end up doing them, such as fly fishing and woodworking.

    In general I almost never watch movies or TV. Not that I have a problem with them, they just often seem like the least interesting options for spending my time.

    And if the SCA wasn't clue enough, I've got a fairly strong geeky/nerdy streak as well. Some of it I've sort of been moving away from though. I know who Cthulhu is, and Trogdor, and Tim the Enchanter. I know a decent number of the recent memes but don't keep up on all of them. I've also taken part in a couple KickStarter projects. I also build my own computers and end up doing tech support for a number of people.
    I'm also likely to try and make anything I can rather then buy it, mostly for the challenge and customization of it.
    I also cook a decent amount, I'm not great at it but I can do a few things, usually too much work to make anything fancy just for myself.

    I know I often come off as rather reserved and stoic, but I'm actually much more easy going and content then I think I come across to many other people.

    And if nothing else, I'm looking for someone to just cycle or run with.

    As for my pictures, I only have a couple recent ones. I'm not really a photogenic person so most of my pictures are of something else that I happen to be around.


    So... any thoughts would be appreciated.

  26. - Top - End - #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erloas View Post
    So I've decided to try online dating again, but this time with Match because the others don't seem to have many people close, I think the free ones just aren't that well known around here.

    So I want to get some feedback on the basic self description I have posted. I can't find a way to link to the profile directly so I'll just post the primary text part here. I think there are a few things I want to change and clean up (as I sort of wrote it in pieces then keep going back and making additions and minor changes) but I think its ok so far, if a bit long.

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    Snip


    So... any thoughts would be appreciated.
    uhm..it seems to me you're doing it backwards.

    you start on a low, get to the good stuff and then end it by saying "I'm not photogenic"..so..back to a low.
    you should either start saying what's good about you, throw in the negative bits and then say something positive to do damage control on the negatives... or at least put a big "BUT" at the end of the negatives and crack a joke or counter them with something positive that actually balances the negatives out somehow.
    something like "I've got cold feet in bed but I wear the most amazingly colourful socks" (yes, random idiotic example..but you get what I mean by it, I suppose)
    and yes, it's rather longwinded.
    specifically:
    I'm very much an introvert. I really don't like crowds and I'm glad to be out of a big city (I spent 8 years living in Phoenix). I would have no problem never going to another bar in my life.
    this bit right at the opening... I can see half the people reading it thinking to themselves that that's going to make meeting you for the first time awkward or downright complicated... public and crowded places are the accepted neutral ground to protect against potential bunny boilers and axe murderers, not to mention the fact that it gives a rather "downcast" vibe about your personality.
    There are just are so many ways you could say this in a lighter tone, or adding some humour to it..or just simply keeping it for somewhere not right at the top of a wall o'text. plenty of people will think "well..if that's his defining characteristic, I don't think I want to read the rest"..and move on.
    of course if you're explicitly targeting people with the same disposition towards crowds and attitude towards..."sociality", then you might just speak right to their heart from the very first lines.. but it is my understanding that on dating sites you've got to play the numbers.. and this way you might be reducing your options quite a bit.

    P.S. it's also rather serious..being a long read, it could do with some humour infused throughout.
    Last edited by dehro; 2012-04-26 at 05:46 PM.
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  27. - Top - End - #147
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Erloas View Post
    So I've decided to try online dating again, but this time with Match because the others don't seem to have many people close, I think the free ones just aren't that well known around here.

    So I want to get some feedback on the basic self description I have posted. I can't find a way to link to the profile directly so I'll just post the primary text part here. I think there are a few things I want to change and clean up (as I sort of wrote it in pieces then keep going back and making additions and minor changes) but I think its ok so far, if a bit long.

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    *snip*


    So... any thoughts would be appreciated.
    I'll agree with dehro - you want to open (and close, really) with positive things. It's following a pretty basic psychological guideline: people are going to remember the beginning and end of something more than the middle of it. So take advantage of that by putting your best selling point at the beginning (because if people get bored, they'll stop reading, so you don't want your best part to be at the end).

    As to specifics...
    -like dehro said, your comment about introversion and bars comes across as being really negative. Try rephrasing it to be something more like "I don't usually enjoy bars, although [something positive]".
    -Your comments about kids and being supportive fail at the classic "show, don't tell" rule. They can be made more interesting.
    -The exercise paragraph comes across... not quite the way you want it to, I think. The opening makes it seem like you're overly focused on changing your physical appearance (may well not be the case, but it's how it initially struck me, and first impressions are big). Focus more on the biking and half-marathon than the time at the gym, I'd say.
    -May just be me, but what's SCA?
    -Your camping and "other activities" lines come across as fairly negative... focus on what you like about camping, and the fact that you're open to new things.
    -The paragraph about being "geeky/nerdy" is the only time your description actually feels like you - the rest of the description comes across as just listing facts. Expanding some of them, and focusing on the positives rather than negatives will likely help with that. Also, it may be worth considering how close you present different things (the SCA and being geeky being the two things that seem like they should be closer).

    tl;dr - too much "here's a list of facts about me", not enough "here's why I'm awesome"
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  28. - Top - End - #148

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Every time I see "I build my own computer", I roll my eyes. There are two types of chicks out there; those who think it's bad-geeky (as opposed to the "I like Harry Potter, I'm such a nerd lol"), and those who understand that it's no harder than snapping together legos to make what's on the box. Show, as they say. Don't tell.

    For a refresher, link your OKC. I'm too lazy to try and remember my match info. The questions specifically have to do with "are you paying?" and "how easily can you afford to?" You might get someone looking for a meal ticket if that's the case. Otherwise, it's the same old bucket of sameyness that makes profile reviewing feel so repetitive after a very short time.

  29. - Top - End - #149
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I guess quite a bit of that was sort of what I was noticing without really knowing what it was. I'm just not very good at writing this sort of stuff so I'm not really sure how to change it either.

    As for the SCA... its one of those things that a lot of people don't get. I sort of figured it was worth mentioning but its not something that can quickly and easily be described in any way that would work. So I figure if they know what it is then they already know what it is and its all fine, and if they don't know what it is they'll have something to ask about and I'll have the chance to explain it in a way that doesn't come across as crazy.

    As for the kids part, I wasn't sure what to do with that. I figure it is important to at least say something because I'm 31 and about 80% of my target audience seems to already have kids and someone that is good with them is always a top priority. Obviously its something I can show if we meet, but I don't think there is any way to show in the description.

    As for my OKC profile, I haven't updated it in a while so I've still got an old description up there (which also didn't seem to work for me) and some different pictures so its not going to be a whole lot of help.

    As for the introvert part... how is it that being an introvert is a negative? Its a decent portion of the population after all, I also think it says a lot about who I am. As for bars... I really do hate them and ever time I go to one I hate them even more, and frankly if going to a bar is important to the woman then its probably not going to work out anyway. As for crowds there is a big difference between going to places with other people and crowds, although I guess if it doesn't seem that way to most people then I should probably change it.

    As for the geeky/nerdy part... I wasn't really sure how to put that. Obviously I'm here, so really I'm pretty geeky in a lot of ways... but generally it seems to be the sort of thing you have to slowly introduce to people. It was again the sort of thing where I thought if they knew what I was talking about its all fine and if they don't know what I'm talking about its something that can be worked into slowly later. Because if I went too much in that direction right in the profile I probably won't get very far because its not a common sub-culture around where I live.
    Last edited by Erloas; 2012-04-26 at 10:28 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    Well, yeah. I'm usually civil when I tell people they're being dumb.
    The point is to not tell people that they're dumb unless what they're doing will result in majorly bad consequences, though.
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