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  1. - Top - End - #181
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    It's BACK!

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Allow me to be the first to wish that this is only the first of many happy marriages for you.

  3. - Top - End - #183
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MethosH View Post
    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    That's awesome! Congratulations.
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  4. - Top - End - #184
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MethosH View Post
    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    Haha, that's great! Many congrats
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  5. - Top - End - #185
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MethosH View Post
    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    Six? Heh. My ol' mancrush Mal would be proud. Congratulations on the engagement!

    IRT Rabbit - Hi. You and I have never really spoken much. Or... at all. So, I don't really expect you to take what I have to say with much seriousness. However, I recently remarked to a friend of mine with a similar situation on her hands that, "There's a fine line between love and Stockholm Syndrome." I honestly don't remember where I picked it up from; it might even be me, but I don't dare take the credit for it. I don't think that you've got something as severe as actual Stockholm Syndrome on your hands, but... if it was me, I'd be asking myself some fairly fundamental questions about the basis of the friendship at hand. I do not believe it should be your plan A, but, you may want to consider the implications of severing ties with your friend. It's obviously causing you a lot of frustration, if not outright emotional pain... at some point, there needs to be a line in the sand, because from the sound of things as presented, her behavior is nuclear grade unacceptable.

    So... *hugs* Best of luck.
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  6. - Top - End - #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by MethosH View Post
    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    I'm pretty sure that when it involves 6 people it's called an orgy..that said, kudos and much happiness to you.
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  7. - Top - End - #187
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    MethosH! Yay ^_^

  8. - Top - End - #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sturmcrow View Post
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    It sounds like it is.

    First, my advice is to sit her down and explain how you feel. Don't put it in terms of you did, you said, but I feel this.

    Secondly, as someone who has to take percocet, lyrica and tramadol hcl because of chronic pain I can tell you, being in chronic pain makes it really hard to control your temper. It makes small frustrations seem like mountains. I am not excusing the behavior but I am not there to watch your relationship with this person 24/7 so I do not know the true dynamic. What I can see is you are upset with this treatment and something needs to change. Your friend sounds like she needs counseling for her pain management issues.
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    I don't know, I wouldn't ascribe it to the chronic pain. As I've mentioned before on the forums, I have a broken back, and I take all 3 of those very same meds you listed, and 4 others(Trazadone and Amirex for sleep, Skelaxin, and one other whose name my mind is blanking on, PLUS a portable TENS unit and a back-brace, also Pensaid? which is a rub on liquid, plus celebrex for the arthritis that has developed in my back) and my temperament is just fine. I'd personally say that their friend has some serious issues that might be best addressed by a psychologist, and that perhaps RabbitHoleLost should suggest a small break from each other while her friend gets her emotions in order, because it honestly sounds like a serious form of depression, or, more likely, Bi-polarism, since it sounds as though her friend often has good Upsides, but then also some awful downswings as well.
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  9. - Top - End - #189
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So, my not-actually-a-date with this girl was kinda awkward and silent, and we didn't really talk that much. ... I get way to caught up in the art when I'm at the Art Gallery of Ontario, maybe it weren't such a good idea. Anyways, she got a call from her dad and had to leave because of something somehting family something, so that was kinda meh.

    BUT, later I was describing my favourite movies, and said "I'm pretty sure I have the only DVD of this movie in the entire city, so if you ever see it chances are I'm showing it to you.", and she said "I would love ta watch it", so that's a little more affirmative?

    I dunno, she's really pretty, and interesting, but there ain't any sparks happ'ning, y'ken? We'll see.
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  10. - Top - End - #190
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll View Post
    So, my not-actually-a-date with this girl was kinda awkward and silent, and we didn't really talk that much. ... I get way to caught up in the art when I'm at the Art Gallery of Ontario, maybe it weren't such a good idea. Anyways, she got a call from her dad and had to leave because of something somehting family something, so that was kinda meh.

    BUT, later I was describing my favourite movies, and said "I'm pretty sure I have the only DVD of this movie in the entire city, so if you ever see it chances are I'm showing it to you.", and she said "I would love ta watch it", so that's a little more affirmative?

    I dunno, she's really pretty, and interesting, but there ain't any sparks happ'ning, y'ken? We'll see.
    Pshaw. You took a lady to a fine place, and even though something something family something happened, you still got a positive sounding thing? I'd say you were in good form, mate. Chin up, chest out. Make that movie night happen.

    EDIT: I mean, after all, you admitted that you maybe weren't totally into the lady as you were perhaps into the art. Y'ever try to strike a fire with flint and steel when you're not paying attention to it? Hell of difficult, if you ask me. You'll get it!
    Last edited by MountainKing; 2012-04-28 at 11:45 PM.
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  11. - Top - End - #191
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    @Gwyn: You might setting your expectations of yourself a little high. I find that unless each person shares a driving interest, conversation in any situation tends to be awkward and sparse. Maybe that's just me.

    On the other hand, an art gallery? You get points just for having that much class.

  12. - Top - End - #192
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    Quote Originally Posted by MethosH View Post
    Last time I logged in the playground (something like... 1.. or 2... years ago..) my love life was a mess. With over 6 people involved. I'm here to tell you that I'm engaged
    ...this sounds like my grandfather.

    ...except he invited all his girlfriends to his wedding. And conveniently left out that he was the one getting married.

    ...I wouldn't recommend doing that were I you. >.>
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  13. - Top - End - #193
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So I had a second hang-out-y type thing with a girl tonight. 4 hours or so. A third thing is planned for next week sometime. I don't know at this point if it's friendship or more, but yay either way! ^_^
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  14. - Top - End - #194
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobra_Ikari View Post
    ...this sounds like my grandfather.

    ...except he invited all his girlfriends to his wedding. And conveniently left out that he was the one getting married.

    ...I wouldn't recommend doing that were I you. >.>
    ...that sounds like the makings of possibly the best "You had to be there!" stories EVER.
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  15. - Top - End - #195
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Sturmcrow View Post
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    It sounds like it is.

    First, my advice is to sit her down and explain how you feel. Don't put it in terms of you did, you said, but I feel this.

    Secondly, as someone who has to take percocet, lyrica and tramadol hcl because of chronic pain I can tell you, being in chronic pain makes it really hard to control your temper. It makes small frustrations seem like mountains. I am not excusing the behavior but I am not there to watch your relationship with this person 24/7 so I do not know the true dynamic. What I can see is you are upset with this treatment and something needs to change. Your friend sounds like she needs counseling for her pain management issues.
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    Good advice about framing the conversation around "I feel this" rather than "you did"!

    As for the pain thing... In this case, short temper and pettiness are only some on a long list of red flags. An emotionally healthy individual in pain wouldn't set off that many alarms.
    Still, the pain management counseling might be an idea. I'll take your word for it


    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    So I had a second hang-out-y type thing with a girl tonight. 4 hours or so. A third thing is planned for next week sometime. I don't know at this point if it's friendship or more, but yay either way! ^_^
    Yay! Go you!
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  16. - Top - End - #196
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So, today my band's going on an outdoor adventure course thing as a social group bonding mission thing. I checked the website for this place, and the rules specifically say that long hair has to be tied back.

    I guess that ruins my chances of hiding the pair of hickeys I got the other night then...
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  17. - Top - End - #197
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Dvil View Post
    I guess that ruins my chances of hiding the pair of hickeys I got the other night then...
    If you can't hide them, wear them with pride.

    Or just go about your normal business and not worry about it.
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  18. - Top - End - #198
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    So, I figured that this would be a good place to get at least some stuff off my chest. The problem is, there is a girl that I quite honestly really do like, and would be quite willing to be in a relationship with her (non-*ahem*-physical, of course, by both of our preferences), as does she. A lot. And from there stems the problem. She has, to her own admission, been known to engage in arbitrary bouts of stalking infatuation, on multiple occasions. I am really worried that she is just sort of infatuated with me, which would make initiating a relationship pretty much the worst thing to do, but I would rather do anything than reject her. And my usual responses to... pretty much everything are apathy, snarking, and fleeing. Yeah. Not helpful. And we are both incredibly passive people, and have anxiety problems, so neither of us are really likely to take action all that soon. I am just sort of trying not to have everything collapse, because I am already about as stressed out as can be.

    Also, when your own sentence structure is painful to read, you should probably go to sleep... But that is just because I have gotten no sleep and am on a phone. At 4:40 in the morning.
    Due to crippling depression, problems in real life, and my only both of my half decent sources of internet being shattered, I will likely be unable to post for a while continue posting even though I probably shouldn't. Sorry for the inconvenience.

  19. - Top - End - #199
    Halfling in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    My phone accidentally called a girl that I dated a few years ago and oddly enough, she decided to call me the next day. I'm really confused if whether or not if I should call her and try setting up a date or not since on the one hand she called me, but on the other she told me that she was busy with a test next week. (People can generally make time out of their busy schedules on things).

  20. - Top - End - #200
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Medication talk pleases me, as I am a devoted Pharmacy Technician. Infact, I am the friend in question's pharmacy tech, and while I can't give away what she's on, she is on many, many things, and recently came off of them, which might also contribute to the issue.
    Furthermore, she's also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which makes things pretty weird.

    I've never let someone I've been in a romantic relationship with treat me like this, after one incident in college, so it was very hard for me to even look at this friendship like that.
    Anyways! I spoke to her yesterday, in between the March for Women's Rights that went down in the state capitol and the bachelorette party. I stated that I felt like she took me and my affection for her for granted, sometimes, and that I was sorry she felt like I wasn't trying, but that sometimes it felt like she was expecting the impossible out of me, like that my whole life should revolve singularly around her.
    It went about as expected.
    Which means that none of my feelings were valid, in her eyes. That I was just not making her a priority in my life, that I didn't care, that I was irresponsible for not keeping her updated on my social plans, that I was making her out to be a burden in my life.
    And then she suggested we take a break.

    So, overall, pretty much what you all suggested. In a way, I'm really sad, but I'm also really relieved because I feel like now I can go do things with friends I've really been neglecting for fear of hurting her feelings.
    Thanks, everyone, for your input. It was really, really helpful.

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  21. - Top - End - #201
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    FWIW:
    I had a friend with BPD that I've been no-contact with since she had college friends call me and tell me that I should go kill /myself/ for making /her/ feel suicidal. There was a semi-unspoken re-contact condition of 'you no longer meet the criteria of this disease.'
    So, 1) I don't blame you and 2) I would /strongly/ suggest that if you get back together with this woman that it is on the condition that she get her ass to intensive therapy. It /is/ curable, but it /does/ take an absurd number of hours per week of effort. And it /is/ worth it.
    Last edited by blackfox; 2012-04-29 at 10:27 AM.
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  22. - Top - End - #202
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Dvil View Post
    So, today my band's going on an outdoor adventure course thing as a social group bonding mission thing. I checked the website for this place, and the rules specifically say that long hair has to be tied back.

    I guess that ruins my chances of hiding the pair of hickeys I got the other night then...
    *deep breath*
    ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo

  23. - Top - End - #203
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by RabbitHoleLost View Post
    Medication talk pleases me, as I am a devoted Pharmacy Technician. Infact, I am the friend in question's pharmacy tech, and while I can't give away what she's on, she is on many, many things, and recently came off of them, which might also contribute to the issue.
    Furthermore, she's also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which makes things pretty weird.

    I've never let someone I've been in a romantic relationship with treat me like this, after one incident in college, so it was very hard for me to even look at this friendship like that.
    Anyways! I spoke to her yesterday, in between the March for Women's Rights that went down in the state capitol and the bachelorette party. I stated that I felt like she took me and my affection for her for granted, sometimes, and that I was sorry she felt like I wasn't trying, but that sometimes it felt like she was expecting the impossible out of me, like that my whole life should revolve singularly around her.
    It went about as expected.
    Which means that none of my feelings were valid, in her eyes. That I was just not making her a priority in my life, that I didn't care, that I was irresponsible for not keeping her updated on my social plans, that I was making her out to be a burden in my life.
    And then she suggested we take a break.

    So, overall, pretty much what you all suggested. In a way, I'm really sad, but I'm also really relieved because I feel like now I can go do things with friends I've really been neglecting for fear of hurting her feelings.
    Thanks, everyone, for your input. It was really, really helpful.
    I'm sorry to hear that things went negatively, even if that was expected. As a general rule, I think everyone would say they prefer things going well, as opposed to going badly. Being positive, though, you now have an opportunity to recover a bit. The break gives you time to catch your breath and clear your mind.
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  24. - Top - End - #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    *deep breath*
    ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo
    Quiet, you

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  25. - Top - End - #205
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    Quote Originally Posted by RabbitHoleLost View Post
    And then she suggested we take a break.
    that's a positive, right there. whether she did it out of being offended or because deep down she recognized you had a few good reasons on your side. you didn't walk out on her.
    on the other hand, she also got to set the tone of your mutual taking a step away from one another.
    embrace it and make the most of it, so that you're a bit better equipped to deal with her for when she decides that the break is over, which might happen as soon as tomorrow.
    learn to say no and to tell her the truths you've been sheltering her from when it's needed.
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  26. - Top - End - #206
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starwulf View Post
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    I don't know, I wouldn't ascribe it to the chronic pain. As I've mentioned before on the forums, I have a broken back, and I take all 3 of those very same meds you listed, and 4 others(Trazadone and Amirex for sleep, Skelaxin, and one other whose name my mind is blanking on, PLUS a portable TENS unit and a back-brace, also Pensaid? which is a rub on liquid, plus celebrex for the arthritis that has developed in my back) and my temperament is just fine. I'd personally say that their friend has some serious issues that might be best addressed by a psychologist, and that perhaps RabbitHoleLost should suggest a small break from each other while her friend gets her emotions in order, because it honestly sounds like a serious form of depression, or, more likely, Bi-polarism, since it sounds as though her friend often has good Upsides, but then also some awful downswings as well.
    Hmmm
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    I know how much chronic pain has affected my relationships. I have seen how chronic pain has affected my mom. I don't think it is the root cause but I think it can exacerbate any issues.
    I pretty much exactly agree that RHL's friend needs counseling/therapy and they should get space.

    Also, good to know if I come on hear and complain about injury/medication etc and how it has ravaged my past relationship and affected my life that there is someone who can sympathize. I also take prilosec because I developed GERD after all the meds and steroids. I take other meds too.


    Edit - and it seems space has been achieved, good for you Rabbit!
    Last edited by Sturmcrow; 2012-04-29 at 04:38 PM.

  27. - Top - End - #207
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by RabbitHoleLost View Post
    Medication talk pleases me, as I am a devoted Pharmacy Technician. Infact, I am the friend in question's pharmacy tech, and while I can't give away what she's on, she is on many, many things, and recently came off of them, which might also contribute to the issue.
    Furthermore, she's also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which makes things pretty weird.

    I've never let someone I've been in a romantic relationship with treat me like this, after one incident in college, so it was very hard for me to even look at this friendship like that.
    Anyways! I spoke to her yesterday, in between the March for Women's Rights that went down in the state capitol and the bachelorette party. I stated that I felt like she took me and my affection for her for granted, sometimes, and that I was sorry she felt like I wasn't trying, but that sometimes it felt like she was expecting the impossible out of me, like that my whole life should revolve singularly around her.
    It went about as expected.
    Which means that none of my feelings were valid, in her eyes. That I was just not making her a priority in my life, that I didn't care, that I was irresponsible for not keeping her updated on my social plans, that I was making her out to be a burden in my life.
    And then she suggested we take a break.

    So, overall, pretty much what you all suggested. In a way, I'm really sad, but I'm also really relieved because I feel like now I can go do things with friends I've really been neglecting for fear of hurting her feelings.
    Thanks, everyone, for your input. It was really, really helpful.
    As others have said, this is probably the best solution. Take advantage of the time to calm down and think about what your friendship really means to you and to her. I don't really have anything to say that hasn't been said already, but just try and keep calm and reasonable while talking to her* .

    * Easier said than done. The other day I was trying to calm down a guy who was threatening to punch one of my friends**, and made a complete pig's ear out of it--I came across too high-handed. Luckily said guy was too busy angrily replying to my friend's smarmy comments***.

    ** Eh, sort of.

    *** Which, of course, he only started making after he had someone in between him and the angry guy.



    Quote Originally Posted by MilesTiden View Post
    So, I figured that this would be a good place to get at least some stuff off my chest. The problem is, there is a girl that I quite honestly really do like, and would be quite willing to be in a relationship with her (non-*ahem*-physical, of course, by both of our preferences), as does she. A lot. And from there stems the problem. She has, to her own admission, been known to engage in arbitrary bouts of stalking infatuation, on multiple occasions. I am really worried that she is just sort of infatuated with me, which would make initiating a relationship pretty much the worst thing to do, but I would rather do anything than reject her. And my usual responses to... pretty much everything are apathy, snarking, and fleeing. Yeah. Not helpful. And we are both incredibly passive people, and have anxiety problems, so neither of us are really likely to take action all that soon. I am just sort of trying not to have everything collapse, because I am already about as stressed out as can be.

    Also, when your own sentence structure is painful to read, you should probably go to sleep... But that is just because I have gotten no sleep and am on a phone. At 4:40 in the morning.
    At the risk of jumping in over my head, but if you both like her, I would say... just go for it. As long as you take things slowly and keep in mind that you can end it at any time, it'd be a shame to pass up an opportunity.

    If you're really worried about it, there's no need to jump into it. You can get there slowly, remembering that you're always free to step away if things start to get too much.

    ...Maybe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dvil View Post
    So, today my band's going on an outdoor adventure course thing as a social group bonding mission thing. I checked the website for this place, and the rules specifically say that long hair has to be tied back.

    I guess that ruins my chances of hiding the pair of hickeys I got the other night then...
    My family laughed at me and called me a chav .

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  28. - Top - End - #208
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Not asking for advice or anything. I just need to say this somewhere... and now that I've come back here, I feel at home again.

    Without A in my life, I feel empty. I'm conflicted on how to deal with it, but deal with it I will. I don't like the feeling, but... it motivates me. Toward what end, I don't know yet. Only time will tell.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    Not asking for advice or anything. I just need to say this somewhere... and now that I've come back here, I feel at home again.

    Without A in my life, I feel empty. I'm conflicted on how to deal with it, but deal with it I will. I don't like the feeling, but... it motivates me. Toward what end, I don't know yet. Only time will tell.
    Welcome to the human emotion "love". Good luck. At least you feel motivation.
    Jude P.

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  30. - Top - End - #210
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    Welcome to the human emotion "love". Good luck. At least you feel motivation.
    I was going to write out an angry, bitter reply. I really was. But, I thought about it, and I changed my mind. My reaction stems more from the pre-existing hurt far, far more than it does from what you actually said. I'm sure you don't mean to say I'm new to how love feels, whether bad or good. It was just you trying to help, in your own way.

    I appreciate that.
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