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  1. - Top - End - #241
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Reluctance
    This first. DO NOT DO THIS. Even if you two do end up together, it'll add a yucky vibe to the whole relationship.
    Seconded. Insisting that she break off contact with him entirely makes it sound like you don't trust her to not get involved with him again.
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  2. - Top - End - #242
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Random observation: I switched my location on OKCupid from Australia to the UK just the other day. Since then, I've been getting more messages than before, but of generally far lesser* quality. 'sup with that?

    *In terms both of compatibility and quality of opening message. Basically before I'd receive one once in a full moon, but they'd almost all be someone I'd actually like to talk to. Now I'm getting a couple a week, but I'm not the least bit interested in most of them.

  3. - Top - End - #243
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    Random observation: I switched my location on OKCupid from Australia to the UK just the other day. Since then, I've been getting more messages than before, but of generally far lesser* quality. 'sup with that?

    *In terms both of compatibility and quality of opening message. Basically before I'd receive one once in a full moon, but they'd almost all be someone I'd actually like to talk to. Now I'm getting a couple a week, but I'm not the least bit interested in most of them.
    Turns out, we're actually all a bunch of hairy, lager-brained louts. Most of us can't even read. I hear Guinness cures it though, which explains why I'm so dashing
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  4. - Top - End - #244
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    As I'd feared, she still feels something for him, but also has strong feelings for me. She's in a bind where she has to make a choice that will hurt somebody, and feels terrible with that knowledge. If it matters, I believe her ex lives a few hours away from her so physically being together with her is harder for him than it is for me.
    I'm going to offer what may be unpopular opinions.

    First, you've only been seeing each other for a month, so neither of you should be all that invested. This is okay. She isn't sure about you yet, and there's no telling how far you will go. This is also okay. However, she is keeping both you and the ex on a string. This is not okay.

    I want you to change your mindset here for a minute. Forget the other guy exists. She doesn't know him, has no history with him. The question is not "which of us will she pick?" but "does she want to continue to see ME?" If the answer is YES, you continue to see each other. If the answer is NO, you do not. Yes, it is that simple.

    Now you bring the ex back into it. If she's dating you, she doesn't date him, and should make it clear to both of you. If she's not dating you, she's free to date whomever else she wishes.

    If she refuses to choose, you choose for her, with your feet. Don't make a big deal out of it, don't yell, don't get teary-eyed, don't storm out. Just say, "listen, you have to make a choice here."

    Because right now, you are giving her all the hand. The questions you asked are geared towards "winning" her. How long should you wait? She's had plenty of time.

    EDIT: And I should point out, I agree with not demanding she break contact, that's bad form and shows insecurity.
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  5. - Top - End - #245
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Thanks for the advice, those who responded. It seems that the one point on which everyone is in agreement is that I shouldn't try to make her stay away from him if things go my way, so I'll take that as definitely the right choice.

    A further update on the situation:

    I feel better about the way things are looking than I did before. We talked on the phone for several hours yesterday, and texted a bunch before that (I'm thinking the pay-as-you-go phone I've used in the past may not be adequate for much longer), and as always I feel better after we talk. But it's not without good reasons, I think.

    First of all, he's pretty settled in his hometown which is a good couple hours away from where she's living right now, and doesn't seem like he would want to move. She just started a new job a couple months ago that she absolutely loves and would have to give up if she moved downstate to be with him, not to mention that she wouldn't be able to see the friends she has closer to home nearly as often. With me, that's not a problem at all.

    Second, one of the biggest advantages he has is that they dated for a long time, have a history, and she knows him very well. She knows what she's getting with him, both the good and the bad. I'm more of an unknown quantity. We've shared a remarkable amount in the short time we've been together, but the focus has more often been on her. And even so, you can't share everything in so short a time. This seems like a pretty easy thing to remedy, as all it really means is that she needs to get to know me better.

    Third, they broke up almost two years ago. While it's only recently that she got over her guilt at what happened, she's had time to heal and to adjust to his not being there. While they've met in person twice in the past couple weeks (once at their friend's wedding where this all started and once at Anime Central), it's still less time than she spends with me on the phone or in person, and that seems like a good sign. On top of that she has a birthday party coming up this weekend at which I will be and he will not (due I assume to the long drive but maybe for other reasons as well).

    These all seem like good signs to me. Obviously it's a slanted view of the situation since I can't tell you about signs I don't see, but it seems like there's good reason to think things will go the way I want. Based on what I'm able to tell you, does this seem like an accurate assessment?

  6. - Top - End - #246
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Seems like other people gave you this already, but I'll agree that attempting to control her is a bad way to make things work. Jealousy may be pretty hard-wired into you human folks, but try not to let it make you controlling. You can say what you feel and want, and give advice, but you can't control what she does.
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  7. - Top - End - #247
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    in principle, yes, it is an accurate assessment but, sorry to pee on your parade here, it is an assessment based on measurements, quantities, distances and hours. all of that means absolutely zilch if she decides she'd rather go back on the old beat and rekindle that romance, rather than to take the selfdeclared unknown quantity.
    don't faint just yet..it isn't as bad as it sounds, you seem to be doing positive things and it might turn out well..just..don't base your confidence on hours of togetherness or on logical assumptions about where one's at with one's life and the logistics involved... you don't want those calculations to bring you to highs from which you'd fall harder should they prove to have been in vain.
    logics tend to be trodden on repeatedly in these matters..often with high heels.

    I think it's fair to say that we're rooting for you, but things are still at first base, just like they were before this phonecall. Until she's made up her mind, you'll be dancing on a tightrope...highs after conversations and lows after unclear signs and mixed signals, or maybe other events or moves from "the other guy".
    Your only options here are continue dancing until she's worked through her doubts and made her mind up, or help her make that decision..through any means in your arsenal..action, inaction, grand gestures, talking, not talking..you know her better than we do.. anything that you might think works..
    either way, whether you dance or stop dancing, the outcome is anyone's guess...I myself hope you'll get the girl and be happy with her, because when these things do happen, the world is ever so slightly a better place for it..
    Practical suggestions on how to do that? I don't think anyone here can give you one without knowing you, her, the other guy... so I'm not going to try. the only thing I have experienced is that abbandoning the field altogether does nothing but increase the other guy's chances. but that was "my girl"..yours might be different.
    good luck
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  8. - Top - End - #248
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Based on what I'm able to tell you, does this seem like an accurate assessment?
    Obviously we only have your side of this, with your analysis and personal foibles. There are a few things I would caution against.

    1- Don't approach this as a game. As I said before, this isn't you vs. him, this is being with you vs. not being with you. Try not to look at this as a game of balancing pros and cons, of points for and points against, with her as both the referee and prize. This kind of attitude, to me, seems stressful. Besides, do you really want her to pick you based on convenience? You just be you. If she digs that, great.

    2- Don't let her use this to manipulate you or string you along. You mentioned before some self-esteem issues; just don't fall into that sort of trap.

    3- Don't view this as the be-all end-all.

    I wish you luck!
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  9. - Top - End - #249
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    I need to vent. Again, not asking for advice. Just... need to say this somewhere, or I'll break down.

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    So, A had a couple of friends who, I considered acquaintences. I liked them, sure, but I build my friendships slowly. They considered me a friend because they build their friendships in the opposite direction, starting people at best friend and slowly working them down if they deserved it. Right before A left my life, I had a really good talk with the friends (we'll call them J and L), and even after A left, I talked with J and things appeared to be totally fine.

    Then weird stuff started happening. First, A booted me off her Facebook list (pretty natural seeming action, considering). Then, a day or two after A left my life, I noticed that J and L had also left my list of friends. I asked them about it, and J said he'd deleted his Facebook profile because his work asked him too. Okay, sounds reasonable. L basically reacted to my question like I was crazy, all like "No? Why would I do that?" and such. Yet, when I told her that she was gone from my friends list, she stopped saying anything.

    Next, easily a week after A left, I noticed that J had started following my tumblr, and I was like, "Oh cool! Friends!". So I followed him back and felt a little better about life for a little bit. Then today... I noticed he wasn't following me anymore.

    On top of that last one, earlier today (before I saw he had un-followed me), I sent J a text message saying that when he has some time to talk, I had a question about nutrition-type stuff. He's a resident who almost has his doctorate totally wrapped up, I mean, I figure he's about the best person I could ask. He never responded, so I sent L a message over Skype a few hours later. She never responded.

    Now, both J and L show as offline, but I know for a fact that at least J is online, because he's been re-blogging stuff on tumblr (I'm still following him, as I rather like the stuff he re-blogs), and has been the entire time I've been writing this post.

    It hurts, because, I thought they wanted to be my friends... even after A left my life, I had that comfort. I still had a couple of other friends, even if they weren't A. I never pestered them about her, or anything like that. It feels like they've lied to me, and have done their best to carefully and quietly cut me out of their lives.

    I hate the feeling. I want to call them, and quote Malcolm Reynolds in my darkest, somberest, most serious tone possible.

    "Next time you try to stab me in the back... have the guts to do it to my face."

    That's what I want to say. That's how I feel. It hurts, it hurts really badly, and it makes me feel like I am less of a person. At least A had the courtesy and the guts to sit me down and confront me face to face.

    I'm so angry. It's like a hot, seething undercurrent beneath all the hurt. What they've done has brought back everything I felt a week ago. I want to give up. Just fall over and go to sleep. Pretend that today didn't happen. But I can't, so I won't. I have to keep moving forward. I have a lot to get done yet today, and I can't let these stupid feelings slow me down or stop me.

    I'm stronger than this, I know it.
    Sometimes, it's just harder to be strong.


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  10. - Top - End - #250
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    I need to vent. Again, not asking for advice. Just... need to say this somewhere, or I'll break down.
    A "like" button is not a good indicator of friendship. Friends are the people you talk to, spend time with, invite you to do things, and show up when you invite them. If they meet these criteria, who cares if they follow you on tumblr? And if they don't, they aren't really friends in the first place.
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  11. - Top - End - #251
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    A "like" button is not a good indicator of friendship. Friends are the people you talk to, spend time with, invite you to do things, and show up when you invite them. If they meet these criteria, who cares if they follow you on tumblr? And if they don't, they aren't really friends in the first place.
    I understand that very well, pru. I also communicated with these people outside of the social medias I've mentioned. It's not just that they've disappeared on me on those sites, it's that they're hiding from me and ignoring me.
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  12. - Top - End - #252
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    I understand that very well, pru. I also communicated with these people outside of the social medias I've mentioned. It's not just that they've disappeared on me on those sites, it's that they're hiding from me and ignoring me.
    I know exactly how you feel. It sucks when people do this, and I've had more than my share do it to me.I don't know what to say to those people, either. Sometimes I just want to yell at them.
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  13. - Top - End - #253
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by MountainKing View Post
    It's not just that they've disappeared on me on those sites, it's that they're hiding from me and ignoring me.
    In that case, they may have been more like "friends by association." We all have them - people connected by a mutual friend. They're closer to the mutual friend than they are to you, so when that connection no longer exists, they distance themselves. It sucks.
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  14. - Top - End - #254
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    In that case, they may have been more like "friends by association." We all have them - people connected by a mutual friend. They're closer to the mutual friend than they are to you, so when that connection no longer exists, they distance themselves. It sucks.
    Thinking rationally about it, this is probably exactly what's going on. It's my fault; I'm the one that stupidly insisted on holding them at arm's length for so long. You're right, it does suck. I'm not going to get anywhere without actually knowing what's going on, so... I think tonight I'm going to call J. If he dumps me to voicemail, or ignores it... I don't know... I'll probably just act like nothing weird is going on, and see what happens.
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  15. - Top - End - #255
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So just a general question that I'm having trouble figuring out... how to start a conversation with someone. In general this is an issue anyway, but online on a dating site I've really got no idea where to go.

    According to OKC's dev blogs and data there isn't a great correlation between message length and reply rate, and there isn't really any key trends to lead to response rates. Though apparently starting off with something other then hi/hello/hey is better. And there was apparently a negative correlation with certain words related to looks.

    ... but anyway I really have no idea what to say to most people or how to say it. Obviously if I'm messaging them I'm interested in them to some extent. A main problem is that many profiles seem fairly generic "looking for a good person, doesn't want to play games, work and take care of their kid, and generic interest like outdoors, exercise, watching movies and hanging out with friends." Which I can't generally pick much out of to start a conversation, its not like I can just say "I don't cheat or play games," not sure about asking about kids at that point, and I almost never watch movies to have anything to go off of there, and hanging out with friends can mean almost anything. Outdoors and exercise maybe a little bit more to work with but still can't think of much beyond just asking a lot of questions.

    As for questions, I've heard you don't want to ask too many, but with the profiles being as generic as they are its hard to see anything else to do.
    It really doesn't help that I'm really bad at "casual conversation" in general and am not very good at talking to people outside of very specific settings (though once I get started I'm usually ok).

    I'm really just not sure what I should or shouldn't say or how formal to start.

  16. - Top - End - #256
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Look at profile of person you want to message - find a few interesting things they mention. Message them with comments/questions regarding said interesting things. Type like you normally type.
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  17. - Top - End - #257
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Erloas View Post

    As for questions, I've heard you don't want to ask too many, but with the profiles being as generic as they are its hard to see anything else to do.
    forgive me if I say so..but that's your mistake right there.
    what's so special about somebody who has a profile as generic as they come? if there's nothing for you to latch on to, move on to someone who has a less generic profile. unless of course you're swayed only by the good looks of the other party... if that's the case, you're screwed.
    because there's going to be a lot of people who will comment on said good looks, and unless you're the master of wit and have a way to make your mail delete all other mails from her inbox, it's not going to work, unless she's utterly swayed by your own profile.. for which she'd first have to look at it, which is a rare occurrence in and off itself.
    so.. focus on someone you have something in common with and focus on what that something is.. focus on someone that has intrigued you..surely you are able to ask one, two questions tops about whatever it was that made her profile attractive to you in the first place?
    if there is nothing on a profile that you wouldn't class as generic platitude..move on.
    interesting people are easier to talk to anyway.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    forgive me if I say so..but that's your mistake right there.
    what's so special about somebody who has a profile as generic as they come? if there's nothing for you to latch on to, move on to someone who has a less generic profile.
    Well there are a couple parts to that. One main part is that I live in a fairly low populated are (Wyoming, we're bigger then many countries and there and a lot of cities that dwarf the population of the entire state, and of course I'm not even near the two "bigger" cities we have), so if I exclude the fairly generic profiles that doesn't leave anything. The other part to that is what I find important about the other person is usually the personal attitude/attributes they list of themselves which isn't something that can easily be commented on. Of course many people list very similar things for that too. And when I look at my other friendships those personal traits have always been what makes my friends, and not that we do the same things. In reality I have very little common interests with most of my good friends, but we still get along well. And there are more then a few people that I have common interests with that I don't get along with all that well.

  19. - Top - End - #259

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    We really need to know your vital stats. If all you're getting are dumpy women with baggage and no personalities, that's a sign of something wrong. I get enough messages from them that I've learned to filter them out. One of the perks of living in a decent city, I guess.

    You can go for the off-the-wall or the mildly insulting if you want to break past all the other guys trying to get with her. You might just want to open yourself to the idea of distance. Or even better, focus on self-improvement so that you'll be the guy they try to get the attention of. 30 is when you as the guy are supposed to gain the upper hand.

  20. - Top - End - #260
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    After a good twenty-seven hours to consider this news, I think I'm pretty definitely weirded out by it.
    Apparently there's a general consensus among some largish number of people that I'm one of the more attractive guys on campus. Apparently there are also several of these people who hope that I'm not actually asexual.
    At first I was amused, now I'm mildly weirded out.
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  21. - Top - End - #261

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Watch what you drink. When it's not guy-plying-girl, getting someone toastier than they intended to "open them up" is considered cute.

  22. - Top - End - #262
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    What do normal people do when they think they know what's going on but they're not sure? A friend and another friend keep mentioning something, which I'm fairly sure has something to do with the second friend liking a guy, but I'm not sure. And when they're talking about this in front of me and one turns to me and asks whether I know what's going on (which is the main reason I've been thinking about this; otherwise it wouldn't be my business at all), I'm like, poop if I know, because you guys are being super vague about it, and I'm not that good at reading people or interpersonal situations because I'm not neurologically wired for it.
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  23. - Top - End - #263
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    After a good twenty-seven hours to consider this news, I think I'm pretty definitely weirded out by it.
    Apparently there's a general consensus among some largish number of people that I'm one of the more attractive guys on campus. Apparently there are also several of these people who hope that I'm not actually asexual.
    At first I was amused, now I'm mildly weirded out.
    Well... On the bright side, you won't have much trouble if you ever turn out to be demi instead

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    What do normal people do when they think they know what's going on but they're not sure? A friend and another friend keep mentioning something, which I'm fairly sure has something to do with the second friend liking a guy, but I'm not sure. And when they're talking about this in front of me and one turns to me and asks whether I know what's going on (which is the main reason I've been thinking about this; otherwise it wouldn't be my business at all), I'm like, poop if I know, because you guys are being super vague about it, and I'm not that good at reading people or interpersonal situations because I'm not neurologically wired for it.
    I'm not sure I understand. The people who know what's going on are asking you? Or someone else is?

    In the first case, tell them you're no mind-reader. Also, your friends seem slightly weird. What's up with the guessing game?
    In the second case... well, tell them the same. "Ask them" tends to work well with such questions.

    I whole-heartedly support the "none of your business" mindset. But I'm probably not "normal" enough to matter
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  24. - Top - End - #264
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    wink Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    Well... On the bright side, you won't have much trouble if you ever turn out to be demi instead
    I guess that's a plus? It's still a bit weird.

    I'm not sure I understand. The people who know what's going on are asking you? Or someone else is?

    In the first case, tell them you're no mind-reader. Also, your friends seem slightly weird. What's up with the guessing game?
    In the second case... well, tell them the same. "Ask them" tends to work well with such questions.

    I whole-heartedly support the "none of your business" mindset. But I'm probably not "normal" enough to matter
    Well, these two girls were talking about this kind of vaguely while I was around; call them C and H. They finished, and C went to do something. Then H asked me if I had any idea what they were talking about. My response was, maybe, I think I do, but I tend to doubt myself because I'm not neurologically wired to read humans well, so how the heck should I know? I think the reason H is asking me whether I know what's going on is because it's related to C liking a guy, and because C hasn't told me H doesn't want me to, although C is okay talking about it with me around, as long as specifics are left out. I don't even get humans.
    Jude P.

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  25. - Top - End - #265
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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    I don't even get humans.
    whut?
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    What's not to get? H has some thoughts about C's crush that could be anything from disinterested to lukewarm. It's considered tactless to say anything less than complimentary about someone's crush, since that's often perceived as implying some serious flaw about them. (Usually because, as human communication goes, mild mention of lesser flaws is usually how one begins to mention dislike for another's crush.) She feels that saying anything to you if you're not in the loop would be gossipy, so wants to check in before sharing her thoughts.

    Sign up for a linguistics class. Once you have a basic grasp of implied communication, the rest all sorts itself that much more easily.

    Edit to add: And force yourself to be more social. People are far, far less unique than they like to think that they are. Once you learn your basic types and their thought patterns, you're well equipped to extrapolate those to new people you meet. Be considered psychic, or at least an uncanny judge of character, from basic pattern recognition skills and not being an idiot.
    Last edited by Reluctance; 2012-05-06 at 01:07 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    A friend and another friend keep mentioning something, which I'm fairly sure has something to do with the second friend liking a guy, but I'm not sure. And when they're talking about this in front of me and one turns to me and asks whether I know what's going on (which is the main reason I've been thinking about this; otherwise it wouldn't be my business at all), I'm like, poop if I know, because you guys are being super vague about it
    The most likely options for this as I see it is either: She wants to talk to you about it to get your take on the situation, maybe because you know the guy better or for a better male point of view, but as you said H doesn't want to tell you anything she isn't certain C wants you to know, but if you know already then its all good to talk to you about. The other option is sort of just testing to see if C is being as obvious about the crush as it is in her head; if the self described "guy who is completely oblivious to the actions of other people" knows whats going on then the crushie should know and is not acting like they expect or want him to if he does know, but if you don't really know and they are talking about it in front of you then there is a good chance the crushie doesn't know either and they have to act accordingly.

  28. - Top - End - #268
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    So I got confirmation that one of my "friends" is definitely ignoring my texts and not just conveniently missing them all the time. I love my life...
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    Final update on my situation for now: K's ex who wanted to get back with her changed his mind, and abruptly told her he wanted nothing more to do with her (on the night before her birthday party by the way). So she's having a horrible time lately and isn't going to be ready for a relationship with anybody right now, maybe for awhile. Obviously even though they broke up nearly two years ago, her feelings were never resolved and now she has to go through it once and for all.

    I decided that the right thing for me to do was to step back, give her space, and let her know that I was there for her in whatever capacity she needed, most likely as a friend. I talked with her for a bit this morning and gave what support I could. I know that I still care a lot about her, but I have no idea if she will feel anything for me anymore by the time she gets over this once and for all and is ready to move on. I don't want to be a rebound fling but if she eventually wants a real relationship then I will be there. I won't wait forever, but there's nobody else in my life right now and I do care a lot about her so I'll wait for awhile at least.

    So if anyone has any remaining advice for me, I'd welcome it. Beyond that, I think this is the last time I'll have anything to post in this thread for the foreseeable future.

  30. - Top - End - #270
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut

    Quote Originally Posted by Erloas View Post
    The most likely options for this as I see it is either: She wants to talk to you about it to get your take on the situation, maybe because you know the guy better or for a better male point of view, but as you said H doesn't want to tell you anything she isn't certain C wants you to know, but if you know already then its all good to talk to you about. The other option is sort of just testing to see if C is being as obvious about the crush as it is in her head; if the self described "guy who is completely oblivious to the actions of other people" knows whats going on then the crushie should know and is not acting like they expect or want him to if he does know, but if you don't really know and they are talking about it in front of you then there is a good chance the crushie doesn't know either and they have to act accordingly.
    That makes some sense. I'm not completely oblivious, but when I do see things I tend to doubt myself until they're explicitly confirmed because I know that with my Asperger's I'm not unlikely to misread people. I dunno, maybe if I bother to leave my room today I'll go find H and ask her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Final update on my situation for now: K's ex who wanted to get back with her changed his mind, and abruptly told her he wanted nothing more to do with her (on the night before her birthday party by the way). So she's having a horrible time lately and isn't going to be ready for a relationship with anybody right now, maybe for awhile. Obviously even though they broke up nearly two years ago, her feelings were never resolved and now she has to go through it once and for all.

    I decided that the right thing for me to do was to step back, give her space, and let her know that I was there for her in whatever capacity she needed, most likely as a friend. I talked with her for a bit this morning and gave what support I could. I know that I still care a lot about her, but I have no idea if she will feel anything for me anymore by the time she gets over this once and for all and is ready to move on. I don't want to be a rebound fling but if she eventually wants a real relationship then I will be there. I won't wait forever, but there's nobody else in my life right now and I do care a lot about her so I'll wait for awhile at least.

    So if anyone has any remaining advice for me, I'd welcome it. Beyond that, I think this is the last time I'll have anything to post in this thread for the foreseeable future.
    That stinks. I think you're approaching this correctly at the moment, though.
    Jude P.

    Playing Pokémon X
    3DS friend code: 0705-3326-2027
    4- or 5-IV Pokémon available for trade listed on my Giant League Wiki page.

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