Personal Woes and Advice 2

[WarKitty]

I can understand why you would be afraid to be seen as "disabled", but honestly, the university doesn't care. Quite the contrary, they want to see you succeed and will usually do their absolute best to see you through and get you to the next level. Some even have special openings only for those with a disability, in order to allow those who would be excluded because of their disability, but otherwise meet the requirements, to gain entrance.

Again, it's a little hard to explain. Two things here:

(1) The university has no control over whether I get to the next level, since I would have to go somewhere else for that. It's all up to impressing an admissions committee somewhere else with my papers and references.

(2) Recommendations are BIG in my field. Seriously, the quality and opinions of your recommenders can make or break you. So it's a big deal if you can't impress the faculty in your department, at least enough of them to get your 3 letters (and we only have like 6, 2 of which don't share any of my interests). Opinion might be more important than actually completing your work, honestly.

Edit: In any case I'm just not sure what they'd do. I don't want extensions, I don't want less work, I just want to actually have the chance to get proper medical care for once!

[WarKitty]

I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. My students are clamoring for more information and assignments back before the finals, and I'm curled up trying to stave off a panic attack. I'm afraid - what happens if I can't write a final in time? Or get grades in? What happens when my students complain about not getting work back to study from? Why does all the financial aid have to be tied to teaching stupid intro classes anyway? I'm desperately behind on work, I've got the department chair fussing at me, and I just don't think I can do it.

One of my friends disappeared for a week around Christmas last year. Maybe I should try that - it seems to be the only way to actually get any help around here.

[Frozen_Feet]

So, just when I thought my life might start picking up, I lost my job. For a reason I can best describe only as bad luck. Which is hugely ironic, since it was Friday 13th. I thought these kinds of things only happen in movies.

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Curiously, I don't feel that bummed out about it. Maybe because I instantly put some effort to find a place to continue in, and I already have a job interview coming up. So, it might be much less of a setback than I initially feared. But if I have to go through a third lapse of unemployment lasting six months or more, I swear I'll go postal. And I don't mean in the sense of working in mail delivery.

[Yora]

So day one of my ADHD medication comes to an end.

Interestingly, I didn't notice any effect until about 4 hours later, when it's actually supposed to wear off. But I very much noted when it wore off about an hour later. From a 9 out of 10 in regard to my concentration, I'd now place myself at 2 or a low 3. I actually was 5 minutes in the kitchen and generally aimlessly wandering around my appartment between the last two sentences... *sigh*

The only side effect I noted is the lack of hunger and thirst, which might become a bit of a problem.
Crap, I've just been wandering the room again! Thank god we're finally starting the medication trial now. These will be interesting three weeks.

[CoffeeIncluded]

So day one of my ADHD medication comes to an end.

Interestingly, I didn't notice any effect until about 4 hours later, when it's actually supposed to wear off. But I very much noted when it wore off about an hour later. From a 9 out of 10 in regard to my concentration, I'd now place myself at 2 or a low 3. I actually was 5 minutes in the kitchen and generally aimlessly wandering around my appartment between the last two sentences... *sigh*

The only side effect I noted is the lack of hunger and thirst, which might become a bit of a problem.
Crap, I've just been wandering the room again! Thank god we're finally starting the medication trial now. These will be interesting three weeks.

Yora, that's exactly what happens with me. Unless I'm thinking about it, I don't notice its effects until it's worn off and then there goes the focus...Also, I personally consider the lack of hunger and thirst a bonus; it helps me keep my weight stable.

[rogueboy]

So day one of my ADHD medication comes to an end.

Interestingly, I didn't notice any effect until about 4 hours later, when it's actually supposed to wear off. But I very much noted when it wore off about an hour later. From a 9 out of 10 in regard to my concentration, I'd now place myself at 2 or a low 3. I actually was 5 minutes in the kitchen and generally aimlessly wandering around my appartment between the last two sentences... *sigh*

The only side effect I noted is the lack of hunger and thirst, which might become a bit of a problem.
Crap, I've just been wandering the room again! Thank god we're finally starting the medication trial now. These will be interesting three weeks.

My advice would be to keep track of how your days go, and what effects you do/don't notice with them. Your psychiatrist should be able to adjust the medication and/or dosage much more effectively if you can give them as much detail as possible.

I'd also expect that seeing some effect on your first round of experimentation is a good sign. I don't know enough about that to know for sure, but it certainly sounds like a good sign to me.

[Yora]

Yora, that's exactly what happens with me. Unless I'm thinking about it, I don't notice its effects until it's worn off and then there goes the focus...Also, I personally consider the lack of hunger and thirst a bonus; it helps me keep my weight stable.

While I did become a bit soft on the stomach, I don't have much there would be to lose. And the problem is that I used to eat very irregularly, with hunger really being the deciding factor for when I think I should eat something. Guess comming up with a planned schedule would be the best idea.
What suprised me is that once I've started eating late this evening, hunger did come within minutes. Which I think would match with what I read about Ritalin abuse in healthy people, that they still perceive things, but just don't care about it. It's as if once I started eating, my body was like "oh yeah, now that you mention it, eating would be a very good idea".

Today was only one tablet to check if I suffer from any immediate side effects. Unfortunately I still have to get an EEG, just to be sure the symptoms are not actually caused by another neural problem that would went ignored and left untreated because the ADHD medication supresses the symptoms. But since I've noticed the symptoms for over a decade and others for my whole life, and I had EEGs in the past, I don't think anything will show up, but better safe then sorry. But that means I have to be checked in my "normal" state and can start with the two week trial period only after that. First it's seven days with 5mg four times a day, then seven days with 10mg four times a day, and then we'll evaluate if I should get long term treatment and at what dosage. But given this evening, I think we're on track.

[Eadin]

*hugs*

You're putting way too much pressure on yourself, sweetie. Between the expectations of your friend, your family and your own self, no wonder it's getting to you.

If it's okay, can you tell me a little more about each individual bit:

@School

@Friend

@Family

It'll be easier to come up with a solution if you break it down into different bits. Helping someone with depression is hard because even the most cheerful person in the world will have trouble coping. One thing you have to do hun is set aside time for yourself and give your brain a chance to recharge. It doesn't matter how you do this, whether its gaming, reading, listening to music or even just getting a week of early nights to top up your sleep. But you have to do this. You won't be able to help your friend if you're feeling blue yourself.

With the other two, treat what goes on at school as your own affair. The time you set aside to do the coursework and what not is time *you* want to set aside - not because your teachers expect it, not because your folks expect it but because you want to cross off a little bit of work from your to-do list. The other thing is, if you're feeling stressed at school, the people that will most likely be able to help are your teachers, rather than your parents. Better yet, if you have a couple of friends doing the same courses as you, organise homework nights together. Get some drinks and some nibbles and then do some work together for just a couple of hours and follow it up with a movie or something afterwards.

The point is, I reckon you'll find you can do the work a lot more easily without a whole bunch of folk breathing down your neck.

@school:

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it's not that it's too heavy or the work load is too much, I just can't focus. I find it hard to study for the courses that bore me and am not interested in, while i get very good grades on what I find interesting. I also have no idea what I want to do for a living later, which complicates things ...

@ friend

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managed to talk to them again, they were distant.
He has a lot of problems which I can't help with, and he doesn't want to admit he needs help, which leads to him shutting people out because he doesn't want to burden them. The big distance between me and them doesn't help.

@ family is all in all most of an annoyance. They are old fashioned and don't accept other opinions. They nag a lot but won't stop loving me. Won't stop nagging either.

[The Succubus]

@school:

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it's not that it's too heavy or the work load is too much, I just can't focus. I find it hard to study for the courses that bore me and am not interested in, while i get very good grades on what I find interesting. I also have no idea what I want to do for a living later, which complicates things ...

@ friend

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managed to talk to them again, they were distant.
He has a lot of problems which I can't help with, and he doesn't want to admit he needs help, which leads to him shutting people out because he doesn't want to burden them. The big distance between me and them doesn't help.

@ family is all in all most of an annoyance. They are old fashioned and don't accept other opinions. They nag a lot but won't stop loving me. Won't stop nagging either.

Hmmm.

@ School:

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This is one of the things that threw me for six when I left college. For years I had been aiming for a career in computing - it was a subject I was interested in, had a natural aptitude for and had selected my qualifications with that in mind. Then one Friday afternoon, I was working on an Access database and I was bored to tears and a thought popped into my head.

"I'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life"

...and I shuddered and it twigged that doing something I enjoyed as a hobby as a career would suck all the fun and enjoyment out of it, especially if it wasn't a creative one. The point is, don't fret too much about careers and jobs in college as you are still exploring yourself and what you want out of life. My advice would be to work on the things that tickle your interest and show your family that this is the field in what you want to do. The other qualifications can take a back seat.

@ Depressed friend:

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As someone once said to me - you cannot take responsibility for someone else's happiness and you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes the only thing you can do is listen when they're upset and even though you give them advice which seems the best in the world, odds are they probably won't act on it. Be there for him when he needs you but make sure your friends are there when you need them. When the depression really kicks in and he starts lashing out at the ones he loves and cares about, you will need a hug.

@ Family:

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Heh - from reading that hun, it sounds like part of you wants to hug them and the other half wants to brain them. All they really want is to see you do well, so if you can show them you have a plan, they might ease off a bit. As I said above with the courses, if you can show to them that you're going to concentrate your efforts on areas A & B and say that while you're not giving up on C, you want to focus your energy and effort on an area that you know you can do well.

[Eadin]

Hmmm.

@ School:

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This is one of the things that threw me for six when I left college. For years I had been aiming for a career in computing - it was a subject I was interested in, had a natural aptitude for and had selected my qualifications with that in mind. Then one Friday afternoon, I was working on an Access database and I was bored to tears and a thought popped into my head.

"I'm going to be doing this for the rest of my life"

...and I shuddered and it twigged that doing something I enjoyed as a hobby as a career would suck all the fun and enjoyment out of it, especially if it wasn't a creative one. The point is, don't fret too much about careers and jobs in college as you are still exploring yourself and what you want out of life. My advice would be to work on the things that tickle your interest and show your family that this is the field in what you want to do. The other qualifications can take a back seat.

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I'm trying to do so, I just feel very sad I can't seem to find something I /really/ find interesting. I'm very good with languages yet the courses bore me or are too theoretical and my mind goes boom from information overload.

@ Depressed friend:

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As someone once said to me - you cannot take responsibility for someone else's happiness and you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes the only thing you can do is listen when they're upset and even though you give them advice which seems the best in the world, odds are they probably won't act on it. Be there for him when he needs you but make sure your friends are there when you need them. When the depression really kicks in and he starts lashing out at the ones he loves and cares about, you will need a hug.

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I know I can't, it's just that we made some sort of promise to try and make each other happy again. And I have come to depend on him a bit, because he actually did manage to make me a bit happier. Which why I hate it that I can't help him too.
And he has closed down completely, won't talk to me for weeks and when he says something it's cold and uncaring. I'm not sure what to do, but giving up on him is not one of the options. And the other friends, they don't even know I feel so bad. Reaching them is hard enough, and I don't feel like I can talk to them about these things.

[fergo]

Read this, re-apply the context.

Interesting article, thanks

[Yora]

I've started taking Ritalin now, and it's working quite well. The only real sideeffect I noticed is a very slight headache at some time, but not as bad that it would bother me, and I don't notice it most of the time.

The other thing is that the reduced sensation of pain seems to mostly take away my ability to feel when my legs are falling asleep. Which with my bony legs and the way I happen to sit happens quite easily when I don't shift a bit every couple of minutes, which I do less now that I don't notice it as much. I found out on the first day when standing up from my chair and immediately falling over because my legs didn't support me. Simply standing up first and then starting to walk instead of doing both at the same time seems to be doing the trick and I've been doing fine since then, but those two bruises will stay with me for a while.

The positive effects are quite interesting. It's nothing dramatic (though I'll be doubling the dose next week to see how that works) and a gradual change, but now I can tell very easily if it has already kicked in or if it has worn off already. the most drastic change is in my field of vison: My primary vision narrows from about 120° to maybe 15 to 25° with everything outside this area becoming peripheral vision. It feels a bit like having massive blind spots on both sides of my field of vision, or similar to how it feels when you enter a dark area with only one eye adjusted to the darkness. That really is quite helpful in not noticing what's going on around me.
While it does not affect my eyesight at all, it also appears like I see things which I look it more clearly. It's not sharper or helps seeing smaller things or finer textures, but I guess the reduced field of vision allows more brain capacity to be spend on analyzing the data that I get. Really a bit weird and hard to describe. "Focus" really seems to be the word for it, though I don't see things sharper or bigger. It's also appearing a bit sterile though.
Probably most importantly, it's getting a bit more quiet in my mind. Like turning off the bubbles in a whirlpool. It's more tidy and calmer in my thoughts. Not dramatically, but I do notice when I concentrate on it. And I have to say, for the first time in close to 15 years, I once again felt bored. Nothing to do, nothing that I really felt like doing, and also searching for something to occupy me. The first two parts happen to me all the time, but usually there's enough activity in my head to not feel an urgent need for any stimulation. I think I can see how other people feel their ADHD medication reduces their creativity and even turns them into zombies. But right now, it rather feels like I am getting even a bit more creative, since my mind stays more focus on the idea and analyzing it instead of playing around with the idea more aimlessly.
For me it's no big cutrain being opened or a veil torn away, but I think my ADHD is relatively mild to begin with. Next week I'll be trying a whole week with double to dose to see how that turns out. I suspect it might be a bit too much and give my tunnel vision or make the world a bit too quiet and tidy for me.

[SMEE]

The Rainbow Mod: Thread re-opened.

[Sturmcrow]

I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated..

I empathize and understand your frustration. I wish I could offer some advice or help. I graduated with a BA in English & Psychology, I did not get accepted at either of the two schools I applied to grad school.
While waiting to reapply I took the only job I could find working in a warehouse at the local Newspaper and I herniated a disc in my back. The more and more time has passed the farther away the goal of getting into Grad school and obtaining my Masters seems.

Is there any avenues of information you can look into? people in the field you wish to get into or grad students you could discuss your worries with?

Don't give up.

[Skeppio]

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Why? Why am I such a vile person? With no impulse control no matter how hard I try and how much I promise myself I'll be careful. All I ever do is ruin friendships through my own anger and stupidity.

More and more people grow sick of me. Because I can never do anything right. All I do is take out my anger on them and never trust them. All I ever do is make them feel miserable and worthless, because I'm full of nothing but self-hatred and spite and I take it out on them. They're wonderful people, and far more than I deserve.

I want to say how sorry I am to everyone. But the people who I desperately want to see this have either blocked me, or won't see it.
I'm sorry to all of you. You were more than I ever deserved, and I'm sorry I screwed up every time and made you feel awful.

[The Succubus]

Once upon a time a small village lived on the shores of a mighty lake. Surrounded by forests and nestled in a valley, the lake was a beautiful sight and brought peace and serenity to troubled souls.

In the lake, there lived a water sprite and for many years she worked closely with the people of the village and had a special magic to help them. If a person needed a hammer, they would walk down to the lakeside and leave a screwdriver or a set of pliers on the shore. During the night, the water sprite would search the bottom of the lake and find what the people of the village needed. The next morning, the item would be there for them. In this way, the people of the village and the water sprite lived in harmony for many years.

Over the course of time, a city sprung up on the opposite side of the lake, populated by people that had heard tales about the quiet and prosperous village. The city people had a difficult life - unsure of themselves, stressed out and full of the woes that affect those that live in cities. The water sprite saw the people of the city and was moved by their unhappiness and she resolved to try and help them.

The people of the city were very different to the villagers. They were always angry and upset and constantly sought for the help of the water sprite and demanded more of her each time. A man might walk down to the shoreline with a broken pencil and demand beautiful calligraphy set and the water sprite would travel to the bottom of the lake to seek it for them, for that was how the magic worked. Yet with each trade, the lake grew colder.

The people of the village were worried. They hadn't seen the sprite for a long time and on the seldom occasions they did see her, she was exhausted and sad.

"Water sprite, why do you weep so?"

"I am trying to help the people of the city but they do not help themselves."

"They do not deserve your help - leave them to their misery."

But the water sprite could not, for the people of the city depended on her too much and if she were to leave them, they would starve and be lost. The people of the city stopped trying to trade items of equal value with the sprite and instead began dumping their waste and unwanted things in the lake. But the sprite was bound to return an item that would help the people of the city, for that was what they demanded.

Eventually, the lake froze over and the people of the village and the people of the city never saw the water sprite again.


******


This is a story that's stuck in my mind ever since it was told to me as a child. I never quite appreciated it until a few years back when I tried to help someone that was depressed.

Skeppio - I am trying to help you, but the lake is growing cold and I just need a little time to warm up again. I just need a little space for a bit.

[Skeppio]

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*story*

I understand. Those who pollute the lake don't deserve the water sprite's help. Just as all I do is pollute and ruin my friends.

"They do not deserve your help - leave them to their misery." No truer words have ever been spoken.

[The Succubus]

No, you missed the point of the story. A friendship is a two-way deal. You have to help your friends as much as they help you. A friend is not a therapist, a friend is not a councillor, a friend is not a psychatrist. If you seek the help of friends, help them to help you.

[Skeppio]

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No, you missed the point of the story. A friendship is a two-way deal. You have to help your friends as much as they help you. A friend is not a therapist, a friend is not a councillor, a friend is not a psychatrist. If you seek the help of friends, help them to help you.

I'm sorry... I really am.
I'm a horrible pitiful excuse for a friend.

I hope I can make up for it eventually.

[Serpentine]

Skeppio, the very first thing you can do towards making it up is to actually listen to what people are saying, not what you assume they're saying, or think they should or would be saying. What they are saying. Not every piece of criticism or advice regarding a change of behaviour means "I hate you, you're vile and disgusting, go die in a hole". If that were true, we wouldn't be bothering to give the advice or criticism at all.

[Rawhide]

Skeppio, the very first thing you can do towards making it up is to actually listen to what people are saying, not what you assume they're saying, or think they should or would be saying. What they are saying. Not every piece of criticism or advice regarding a change of behaviour means "I hate you, you're vile and disgusting, go die in a hole". If that were true, we wouldn't be bothering to give the advice or criticism at all.

Yes. The problem with giving help or advice to some people is that, even when they ask for it, they refuse to accept it, try to reinterpret what was said to mean something else, and point blank refuse to acknowledge what is right there in front of them - even when what they are saying in reply cannot logically be true. It can be very draining at times dealing with that and sometimes you just need to distance yourself from them to recover. The hardest part is making them understand that you don't hate them and that you're not putting them out of your life forever, but that you just need that time to recuperate.

[rogueboy]

Venting time, mostly related to stress...

Large confluence of events, basically. With a few redeeming factors, but 2 (out of 3) are also contributing to the stress at the same time.

The good:
-Teaching is done for the semester. Just finished grading their finals this afternoon, now it's just submitting grades to my supervisor, discussing them with her, and finalizing them; a fairly simple task.

The bad:
-If I don't get enough done on my research soon, I'll be teaching again in the fall. I REALLY don't want to be teaching in the fall. Sadly, this is chemistry (synthesis), so "work harder" doesn't necessarily mean anything.
-I present my research to my advisor in 3 weeks. I have a few things I can present, but I'm not nearly as far as he (or I) want me to be. Not sure how that'll go down if I can't get some more progress made.
-I lost a good 75% of the material I was bringing up behind my front end this week. Went from likely being able to quintuple my front-end material (which means I can focus more on doing the new chemistry) to probably only being able to roughly double it.
-My entire lower body (knees, feet, hips) is acting up, to the point that I'll be starting PT soon to try to deal with that. General aches, soreness, and difficulty in standing for long periods is the typical effect of that.
-My best friend has retreated into his anti-world shell, which leaves his girlfriend (and myself, as best I can being 3000 miles away) to try and drag him out of that.
-My most effective method of stress relief (soccer) is largely restricted to lunch-time games, given when people are able to play. This might change as we get into the actual summer. That means losing an hour+ of research time (causing stress) in order to destress...

The "both":
-This weekend I'm driving out to NYC (~4hr drive) to see a friend who'll be there for a work conference (he lives on the opposite coast, so I rarely get to see him). I'll also get to see my aunt and uncle on that trip. It also means I lose a weekend of research.
-Next weekend I have a friend (again, west coast-er) who'll be in town from Friday until Tuesday. Really looking forward to seeing her, but losing a long weekend's worth of research time.

And, of course, this is in addition to the standard routine of do research, eat, sleep, maintain sufficient food supplies, laundry, etc.

tl;dr: I'm stressed. My main stress relief causes its own stress.

[Grinner]

@rogueboy: Yeesh. My condolences on your workload.

[rogueboy]

Aaaaaand, now I'm sick today. Not so bad that I'm stuck in bed or anything, but enough that I'm losing another day of work

Also, got an email from my teaching supervisor reminding me that I had volunteered to rewrite/edit a sample report in the next week or so.

Does it never end?

[Castaras]

General apathy and "meh"ness hitting me again. Revision I'm getting through, slowly, and while it definitely is making a difference (in that I can understand more than I did before [which was very little]) it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Games are starting to feel like a chore when I de-stress after work, but when I try and do anything else to de-stress that feels like a chore as well.

Keep feeling shattered all the time... despite sitting at home in front of a computer or a textbook all day. Not sure if that's just me finally crashing after a lot of excitement and fun, or if it's just my body going "eh, who cares?"

Pushing myself to keep doing things, keep myself busy - hoping it'll pull me out of this dip before I go too far in. Just gotta remember to not stop doing things because "I can't be bothered", not to give up on the work, and not drink alcohol while all this is going on.

[Grinner]

@Castaras: Seems like you do a lot of sitting. Do you do any physical activities, like running?

[Ur-Quan]

General apathy and "meh"ness hitting me again. Revision I'm getting through, slowly, and while it definitely is making a difference (in that I can understand more than I did before [which was very little]) it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Games are starting to feel like a chore when I de-stress after work, but when I try and do anything else to de-stress that feels like a chore as well.

Keep feeling shattered all the time... despite sitting at home in front of a computer or a textbook all day. Not sure if that's just me finally crashing after a lot of excitement and fun, or if it's just my body going "eh, who cares?"

Pushing myself to keep doing things, keep myself busy - hoping it'll pull me out of this dip before I go too far in. Just gotta remember to not stop doing things because "I can't be bothered", not to give up on the work, and not drink alcohol while all this is going on.

The alcohol thing depends on many elements. I completely agree you shouldn't drink any alone, but if you've got a couple of friends, it'd actually help if you went out with them and got tipsy a bit. It helps remove the pressure and the morning after should have you better by far. That is, if you don't actually waste yourself, that'd be bad.

[Castaras]

@Castaras: Seems like you do a lot of sitting. Do you do any physical activities, like running?

Thinking about it, yeah... that's probably what's doing it for me. Since I got back from university I've done very little exercise. I'll see if I can get back to doing some wii-fit, methinks - should hopefully help. Thanks.

The alcohol thing depends on many elements. I completely agree you shouldn't drink any alone, but if you've got a couple of friends, it'd actually help if you went out with them and got tipsy a bit. It helps remove the pressure and the morning after should have you better by far. That is, if you don't actually waste yourself, that'd be bad.

Yeah... Alcohol even with friends, it depends on my mood to begin with. It enhances rather than changes for me. But thanks for the advice.

[Heliomance]

*hugs* the Cas.
*writes prescription for ponies*

But yeah, physical activity is a really good idea to blow the cobwebs out of your brain. Get up early and go cycle somewhere to watch the sunrise. Puts you in a marvellously productive state of mind for the day. I need to go and do that myself at some point...

Failing that, just go for a jog or something. Go dancing. Just do something physically exerting and fun.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hey, I bet you guys thought that things were calming down with my roommate and hallmate, right?

WRONG!

So last night they both went out to party because they didn't have class until noon. I didn't. I had to wake up at 8:30 this morning because I have a quiz during my 10:00 class. My roommate came in some time between midnight and 1:30, and she didn't wake me up at all.

At 1:30 my hallmate drunkenly pounded on the door and everything went to hell.

They then proceeded to have a loud practically screaming conversation in the room, both of them in her bed, and when I told them to shut up and take it outside (okay, whining a bit because I have a quiz in an hour and they've been treating me like **** all year and I'm tired of it), they proceeded to turn on me. They, especially my hallmate, spent almost an hour mocking me, telling me to grow up and stop being a baby, and flat out saying that they didn't care that they woke me up, or that I have a quiz in an hour, or that I barely get any sleep anyway. Called me a bitch, said that I don't care about them, eventually I gave up and went to the convenience store next to my dorm to get some cheese sticks because I was also hungry and it's hard enough for me to fall back asleep as it is.

When I came back, my other hallmate was yelling at them for being so rude and waking her up and then taking it all out on me. I could go on but I...I just...I can't do this anymore.