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  1. - Top - End - #391
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Yora,

    I am very sorry to hear about your cousin's death. What a terrible shock: as you say, one expects death related to age or illness, and while it is not less sad, it is easier to brace oneself when one has warning.

    Here's something you say:
    And now I keep dealing with it mostly by observing my own reactions. Which are actually quite interesting. But that's not what is supposed to happen!

    Actually, your experience is not unusual. It is normal, even typical: as you note, your father seems to be taking this calmly as well. Grief is more than sad feelings. It can include anger, fear, and numbness.

    When my mother died, I too had a day or two of numbness before I felt anything. Like you, I was mostly in a state of intense self-awareness, almost as if I was watching myself. It was very weird, and unpleasant. But it is one way of grieving, and also a form of dealing with frightening or disturbing news. For you, it might last a long or a short time. It might stay the same, or change to tears or anger. Grief is personal. No two people grieve in precisely the same way, and even the same person does not grieve the same way twice.

    There is no one way it is supposed to happen.

    If you do go to the funeral services and memorial, you will see for yourself that there are many ways of grieving. You will also see, as I did at my mother's funeral, that very little is expected of you. As Succubus says, if someone wants to talk, just listen, and maybe offer to hold them if you are both comfortable with that. Funerals are one of the only times a person can say absolutely nothing, and nothing is often the right thing to say. Nodding as you listen, handing someone a cup of hot tea, a squeeze of a hand or pat on the shoulder ... these are the ways people offer comfort at funerals and wakes.

    Mostly, the parents and siblings of your cousin will be glad you are there. And I assure you, your presence does matter to them. They won't want you to say anything, because there is nothing that can be said. Except, possibly, "I love you ..."

    You really can't say "I love you" too much at a funeral.

    Take care, Yora.


    Kitty,

    Best of luck with your quest. Please let us know how it goes. Lots of people here, including me, care about your health.


    -Monkey
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  2. - Top - End - #392
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    Actually, your experience is not unusual. It is normal, even typical: as you note, your father seems to be taking this calmly as well. Grief is more than sad feelings. It can include anger, fear, and numbness.
    Yeah, my mom said she had the same, and my dad was just passing by and said he too.

    I guess part of it may be, that we're at least used to it in theory. My mom is a pastor, my dad works in a mental institution for dangerous criminals, I worked in a nursery home, and most of our family friends are nurses, firemen, and police officers. That gives you a different perspective at things, you are lot more in control, knowing what's going on.
    But there's probably also the experts's curse as work here. An architect can't walk down the street and a critic not watch a single movie without analyzing everything and nitpicking about every tiny detail. And when you're trained how to spot people struggling with grief, you can't help but making yourself a case study.

  3. - Top - End - #393
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yora View Post
    Yeah, my mom said she had the same, and my dad was just passing by and said he too.

    I guess part of it may be, that we're at least used to it in theory. My mom is a pastor, my dad works in a mental institution for dangerous criminals, I worked in a nursery home, and most of our family friends are nurses, firemen, and police officers. That gives you a different perspective at things, you are lot more in control, knowing what's going on.
    But there's probably also the experts's curse as work here. An architect can't walk down the street and a critic not watch a single movie without analyzing everything and nitpicking about every tiny detail. And when you're trained how to spot people struggling with grief, you can't help but making yourself a case study.
    Ah, I see what you mean.

    It sounds to me that your family is above-average when it comes to people in the caring professions. I am impressed, and touched. That does make it hard, as you say ... but you also have the assurance that everyone in the family knows that everyone else's grief is "fine".

    CS Lewis made a case study of his own grief when his wife died of cancer. When I read it, I was impressed by his keen observations, his deep compassion, and his honesty ... but particularly how much harder it was to grieve with such intense awareness. I've read yourreplies on this thread, and I think you have some of Lewis' good qualities, and also his awareness. I hope that, in the long run, this will help you, although it might make things very difficult right now.

    Take care, Yora. I'm thinking about you.

    - Monkey
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  4. - Top - End - #394
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So I finally started the process of filing for disability accommodations at my school. So nervous...especially since when I did this undergrad, it was basically a giant headache for absolutely nothing. Hopefully a bigger university will solve that problem - my undergrad basically offered me their standard list (which was tailored entirely to learning disabilities) and then said they couldn't do anything that wasn't there.

    Edit:
    So I got a response to my email asking about accommodations that didn't involve testing that assured me that they have accommodations for testing. I don't see how that's helpful?
    Best of luck, Kitty! Hope you get something helpful this time round.

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  5. - Top - End - #395
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    I just... I just kind of need to vent right now. I honestly never feel like venting ever, but I really feel like venting right now, and since I can't do that with people I otherwise would right now, this thread came to mind, thus my first post here.

    I've recently undertaken steps to quit my dual Philosophy/Psychology studies (as further described here). I've been busy with this all of last Sunday and Monday, before I left on Tuesday for a weeklong LARP event that was basically my only vacation for this year (during the rest of the summer holidays so far I've worked as much as I got at my job, which admittably wasn't much, relatively, as I work at the mail delivery service, which means I work 4 hours a day tops). I checked my email on a friend's laptop while there, including one I sent my landlady that I was moving out and cancelling my rent for next month (which was denied, since apparently I need to give six weeks notice instead of four) and one I sent my study advisor on things I'd need to do to quit my studies properly so that I wouldn't get into legal or financial trouble over some freaky minor detail. I called the study advisor later since she told me "I really feel like I should talk with you more about this" in the email, but I couldn't reach her and now she won't be available until Monday 10 AM. I came back today, went upstairs immediately to post stuff on Facebook groups from my university to tell other students I was moving out and if they knew anyone looking for a room (which is the only way I don't need to pay for next month). I moved on to reply to my emails when suddenly my internet got cut. I went downstairs and it turned out my mother did it, because she wanted to talk to me about my options on what to do now I'm quitting my studies, since due to a recent law in our country I'll need to pay 3000 extra per year of studies as a cussing fine for taking longer than the alotted time for that study. We argued for a short while, as I got more frustrated with her (already suffering a headache from the heat of the day), especially her tone, which was very blaming. I took something for my headache and sat down in the living room to watch a movie with my siblings, after which my mother joined us and started talking again about the subject. I had calmed down a little and her tone was different, so we talked a little more on what options I had. I finished watching the movie, went upstairs and saw that the first reply to my call for fellow students for taking over my room was one of my friends, whom I had met at the Psychology studies and with whom I had been a part of a commission or two to organize activities for the Psychology students of the university (which had included a quiz night with teachers, a karaoke night to collect money for charity and helping in organizing a football tournament for autistic kids). It was then how much it hit me that I wouldn't just be leaving behind my Philosophy studies (which I had come to loathe and more and more... not depressed, but... close enough, about), my Psychology studies (which I mostly liked/loved, except Statistics, which is my worst field of all), my prospects of an easy graduation without being many thousands in debt (or having worked incredibly hard in-between school hours to earn enough money to pay for school, a room and food) and my prospects of graduating before my 25th birthday, but also all the friends I've gained over the past year as I had gotten active with Psychology student commissions and connected with people I never thought I could so easily have friendly conversations with.

    And thus, at this moment, I broke down and could only just bawl my cussing eyeballs out. Frankly, I have no idea how to cope with all this change, as I'll need to get a different job, choose a different studies which I have no idea yet for (or even which kind of studies, since our education system has different 'tiers' in education, past highschool it is divided in MBO, HBO and university, with the last two being most appropriate to my level, MBO would be cheaper, but then I'd also need to pay back all the money I've received for my studies from the government so far, which is A LOT), probably give up nearly all free time I've got, end up in a situation where I once again know nobody, whereas I am a person who has a lot of trouble making new friends, and all that without any clue in the world in how to deal with all that sudden change and great stress of work and everything on me.
    Last edited by Morph Bark; 2012-08-10 at 05:37 PM.
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  6. - Top - End - #396
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    So...sick again. I really can't keep doing this. I keep trying to push on because I don't want to get even farther behind than I already am, because then I have to work even harder to catch up and usually make myself sick again. I need time off, but I'm not in a position where I really get time off. I can keep going or I can drop out and not have a job - those are pretty much my only two options. Except, funny thing, being sick costs time and money. Neither of which do I have - so I just keep pushing through without treating things properly. Because if I take the time out to deal with it I won't have the money to afford care.

    I just don't know where to go anymore. I can keep making myself sicker and hold down a job that has a prayer of a chance at going somewhere. I can quit completely and go back to getting chewed out by my parents. Or I can look for a dead-end job that still won't pay the bills or give me time to really recover, but won't be making it worse as quickly.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2012-08-12 at 04:37 PM.
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  7. - Top - End - #397
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    i would try to find out if there are any groups or charities that assist people in situations like yours. it's always suprising for how many things there is free help or guidance. helped me quite a lot.


    there is nothing more pathetic than a sunday on toothache without painkillers.

    all you can do is pass the time until monday morning. in constant but not life threatening pain. you are just miserable.

    this isnt the first time, that I let my checkups slide until one tooth turns really bad. but somehow this time is different. this time I have a conviction that this is the last time and I'll keep my teeth pristine from now on, which I never really head before. I wonder if this is related to my add now being diagnosed and treated. understanding the long term effects of my actions but not caring about treating it as an incentive to act has always been my greatest problem with the condition.

    and I think the record of the worst week of my life is problaby going to stand for quite some time now.
    Last edited by Yora; 2012-08-12 at 05:41 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #398
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    frown Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I feel terrible.

    Last week I was riding on my bike and fell down a ten foot embankment into the creek at the bottom of the hill. I was trapped under the water briefly, but after fighting to get out from under my bike and the tree root I was pinned under, got to the surface. I tried to lift my bike and discovered that my left shoulder hurt so much I could not use my arm at all. I had to swim downstream to get to a place where I could climb out. I managed to get some other people on the trail to call an ambulance, help get my bicycle out of the water, and take my dog back to my house.

    At the hospital I learned I had broken my clavicle and have to wear a sling. I might not be able to work for six weeks. The painkillers they gave me made me unbelievably ill so I'm taking advil which works okay.

    I feel very tired and painful. Also bored. I sleep a lot. But mostly I'm starting to be frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself. I can't drive a car, practice my violin, or ride my bike. Walking the dog is difficult. Even sitting up to write for a long time is tough.Brushing my hair and getting dressed is painful. I feel lonely and bored. Did I say that already? I guess I did.

    -Monkey
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  9. - Top - End - #399
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    I feel terrible.

    Last week I was riding on my bike and fell down a ten foot embankment into the creek at the bottom of the hill. I was trapped under the water briefly, but after fighting to get out from under my bike and the tree root I was pinned under, got to the surface. I tried to lift my bike and discovered that my left shoulder hurt so much I could not use my arm at all. I had to swim downstream to get to a place where I could climb out. I managed to get some other people on the trail to call an ambulance, help get my bicycle out of the water, and take my dog back to my house.

    At the hospital I learned I had broken my clavicle and have to wear a sling. I might not be able to work for six weeks. The painkillers they gave me made me unbelievably ill so I'm taking advil which works okay.

    I feel very tired and painful. Also bored. I sleep a lot. But mostly I'm starting to be frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself. I can't drive a car, practice my violin, or ride my bike. Walking the dog is difficult. Even sitting up to write for a long time is tough.Brushing my hair and getting dressed is painful. I feel lonely and bored. Did I say that already? I guess I did.

    -Monkey
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    Last edited by WarKitty; 2012-08-12 at 07:25 PM.
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  10. - Top - End - #400
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    I feel terrible.

    Last week I was riding on my bike and fell down a ten foot embankment into the creek at the bottom of the hill. I was trapped under the water briefly, but after fighting to get out from under my bike and the tree root I was pinned under, got to the surface. I tried to lift my bike and discovered that my left shoulder hurt so much I could not use my arm at all. I had to swim downstream to get to a place where I could climb out. I managed to get some other people on the trail to call an ambulance, help get my bicycle out of the water, and take my dog back to my house.

    At the hospital I learned I had broken my clavicle and have to wear a sling. I might not be able to work for six weeks. The painkillers they gave me made me unbelievably ill so I'm taking advil which works okay.

    I feel very tired and painful. Also bored. I sleep a lot. But mostly I'm starting to be frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself. I can't drive a car, practice my violin, or ride my bike. Walking the dog is difficult. Even sitting up to write for a long time is tough.Brushing my hair and getting dressed is painful. I feel lonely and bored. Did I say that already? I guess I did.

    -Monkey
    *hugs tight*...that sounds absolutely terrifying. I'm glad you're (mostly) ok, and I hope you feel better soon. =\
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  11. - Top - End - #401
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    I feel terrible.

    Last week I was riding on my bike and fell down a ten foot embankment into the creek at the bottom of the hill. I was trapped under the water briefly, but after fighting to get out from under my bike and the tree root I was pinned under, got to the surface. I tried to lift my bike and discovered that my left shoulder hurt so much I could not use my arm at all. I had to swim downstream to get to a place where I could climb out. I managed to get some other people on the trail to call an ambulance, help get my bicycle out of the water, and take my dog back to my house.

    At the hospital I learned I had broken my clavicle and have to wear a sling. I might not be able to work for six weeks. The painkillers they gave me made me unbelievably ill so I'm taking advil which works okay.

    I feel very tired and painful. Also bored. I sleep a lot. But mostly I'm starting to be frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself. I can't drive a car, practice my violin, or ride my bike. Walking the dog is difficult. Even sitting up to write for a long time is tough.Brushing my hair and getting dressed is painful. I feel lonely and bored. Did I say that already? I guess I did.

    -Monkey
    *hugs*

    That sounds awful. Here's to hoping that your recovery is as speedy and painless as possible.

  12. - Top - End - #402
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    I feel terrible.

    Last week I was riding on my bike and fell down a ten foot embankment into the creek at the bottom of the hill. I was trapped under the water briefly, but after fighting to get out from under my bike and the tree root I was pinned under, got to the surface. I tried to lift my bike and discovered that my left shoulder hurt so much I could not use my arm at all. I had to swim downstream to get to a place where I could climb out. I managed to get some other people on the trail to call an ambulance, help get my bicycle out of the water, and take my dog back to my house.

    At the hospital I learned I had broken my clavicle and have to wear a sling. I might not be able to work for six weeks. The painkillers they gave me made me unbelievably ill so I'm taking advil which works okay.

    I feel very tired and painful. Also bored. I sleep a lot. But mostly I'm starting to be frustrated with not being able to do anything for myself. I can't drive a car, practice my violin, or ride my bike. Walking the dog is difficult. Even sitting up to write for a long time is tough.Brushing my hair and getting dressed is painful. I feel lonely and bored. Did I say that already? I guess I did.

    -Monkey
    That sounds horrible. *hugs*

    Hope you have a speedy and comfortable recovery. *hugs again*
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  13. - Top - End - #403
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Thanks, everyone. I am doing better today: after lying around swaddled in ice packs all weekend, I decided to take a cab to my favorite cafè today. I had a latte and then went for a walk. Ibought a used book, and some treats for my pets. Then I took a cab home. Only a few hours out, and my shoulder hurt when I got back ... but I feel much more like myself as a result. Now I'm lying down again with more ice packs ... but I feel more patient with it, thanks to my brief escape.

    But anyone who wants to send sympathy and hugs my way ... feel free to continue to do so. I may be incapacitated for a month or more.

    -Monkey
    Last edited by MonkeyBusiness; 2012-08-13 at 06:53 PM.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Glad to hear you had a good day, Monkey! I haven't broken/fractured anything since my toe in middle school, but I can imagine how bad it would suck to not be able to do what you want to. Wish I was close enough to offer some help, but I guess internet hugs will have to suffice *hugs*

    I've gotten lucky with my bike crashes, worst I've done is scraped up my knee pretty good. I've come close to cracking my head on the road/sidewalk twice (knee and shoulder took the worst of those), but have avoided the really bad accidents... Know a few people who haven't been so lucky, however (spiral fracture to a friends elbow being the one that comes to mind). *more hugs*
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Yeah, good to hear that your body's gotten to that point again, I just hope you don't run into any kind of situation that'll reinjure you or exacerbate things. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

    Warkitty: What you've said so far is reminding me of some potential resource that's just tickling the tip of my brain. Unfortunately, try as I might, I'm drawing a blank as to what it is that I want to say here. I urge you not to lose hope though, and to keep hanging in there. I'm sure there's some help, it's just a matter of the right memory being jogged or the right person being spoken to.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2012-08-13 at 10:25 PM.
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    I just... I just kind of need to vent right now. I honestly never feel like venting ever, but I really feel like venting right now, and since I can't do that with people I otherwise would right now, this thread came to mind, thus my first post here.

    I've recently undertaken steps to quit my dual Philosophy/Psychology studies (as further described here). I've been busy with this all of last Sunday and Monday, before I left on Tuesday for a weeklong LARP event that was basically my only vacation for this year (during the rest of the summer holidays so far I've worked as much as I got at my job, which admittably wasn't much, relatively, as I work at the mail delivery service, which means I work 4 hours a day tops). I checked my email on a friend's laptop while there, including one I sent my landlady that I was moving out and cancelling my rent for next month (which was denied, since apparently I need to give six weeks notice instead of four) and one I sent my study advisor on things I'd need to do to quit my studies properly so that I wouldn't get into legal or financial trouble over some freaky minor detail. I called the study advisor later since she told me "I really feel like I should talk with you more about this" in the email, but I couldn't reach her and now she won't be available until Monday 10 AM. I came back today, went upstairs immediately to post stuff on Facebook groups from my university to tell other students I was moving out and if they knew anyone looking for a room (which is the only way I don't need to pay for next month). I moved on to reply to my emails when suddenly my internet got cut. I went downstairs and it turned out my mother did it, because she wanted to talk to me about my options on what to do now I'm quitting my studies, since due to a recent law in our country I'll need to pay 3000 extra per year of studies as a cussing fine for taking longer than the alotted time for that study. We argued for a short while, as I got more frustrated with her (already suffering a headache from the heat of the day), especially her tone, which was very blaming. I took something for my headache and sat down in the living room to watch a movie with my siblings, after which my mother joined us and started talking again about the subject. I had calmed down a little and her tone was different, so we talked a little more on what options I had. I finished watching the movie, went upstairs and saw that the first reply to my call for fellow students for taking over my room was one of my friends, whom I had met at the Psychology studies and with whom I had been a part of a commission or two to organize activities for the Psychology students of the university (which had included a quiz night with teachers, a karaoke night to collect money for charity and helping in organizing a football tournament for autistic kids). It was then how much it hit me that I wouldn't just be leaving behind my Philosophy studies (which I had come to loathe and more and more... not depressed, but... close enough, about), my Psychology studies (which I mostly liked/loved, except Statistics, which is my worst field of all), my prospects of an easy graduation without being many thousands in debt (or having worked incredibly hard in-between school hours to earn enough money to pay for school, a room and food) and my prospects of graduating before my 25th birthday, but also all the friends I've gained over the past year as I had gotten active with Psychology student commissions and connected with people I never thought I could so easily have friendly conversations with.

    And thus, at this moment, I broke down and could only just bawl my cussing eyeballs out. Frankly, I have no idea how to cope with all this change, as I'll need to get a different job, choose a different studies which I have no idea yet for (or even which kind of studies, since our education system has different 'tiers' in education, past highschool it is divided in MBO, HBO and university, with the last two being most appropriate to my level, MBO would be cheaper, but then I'd also need to pay back all the money I've received for my studies from the government so far, which is A LOT), probably give up nearly all free time I've got, end up in a situation where I once again know nobody, whereas I am a person who has a lot of trouble making new friends, and all that without any clue in the world in how to deal with all that sudden change and great stress of work and everything on me.
    The above is spoilered for length.

    Morph, I really hope this doesn't sound like unhelpful advice, but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. You are the best judge of what you want, and sometimes you have to sacrifice in the short term to get what you really want in the long run. So let me try to help by saying: Do what makes you happiest.
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  17. - Top - End - #407
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    Thanks, everyone. I am doing better today: after lying around swaddled in ice packs all weekend, I decided to take a cab to my favorite cafè today. I had a latte and then went for a walk. Ibought a used book, and some treats for my pets. Then I took a cab home. Only a few hours out, and my shoulder hurt when I got back ... but I feel much more like myself as a result. Now I'm lying down again with more ice packs ... but I feel more patient with it, thanks to my brief escape.

    But anyone who wants to send sympathy and hugs my way ... feel free to continue to do so. I may be incapacitated for a month or more.

    -Monkey
    I'm glad you're doing better now! That sounds like a pretty nasty affair all around.

    Having a broken limb sucks. I broke my leg very badly earlier this year (also from a bike accident, though of the going-way-too-fast variety and not the falling-down-a-hill variety; makes for a less dramatic story later), and I remember the three months I spent not being able to leave the house as being rather miserable. I don't know how much you can do with your hands right now, but I spent most of my time drawing, working on campaign plans, watching movies (when I could get people to get them to the TV for me), and watching TV (the most TV I've ever watched, probably - and ever will watch, I hope). And reading, once I could stop taking the painkillers that were making it impossible to concentrate on anything. The lack of being able to do anything yourself is the worst part, I think, even beyond the pain.

    Anyhow, you have my sympathy, and I hope you recover swiftly.

  18. - Top - End - #408
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    4 days of work. 1200 words. This is going nowhere fast.
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  19. - Top - End - #409
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    Thanks, everyone. I am doing better today: after lying around swaddled in ice packs all weekend, I decided to take a cab to my favorite cafè today. I had a latte and then went for a walk. Ibought a used book, and some treats for my pets. Then I took a cab home. Only a few hours out, and my shoulder hurt when I got back ... but I feel much more like myself as a result. Now I'm lying down again with more ice packs ... but I feel more patient with it, thanks to my brief escape.

    But anyone who wants to send sympathy and hugs my way ... feel free to continue to do so. I may be incapacitated for a month or more.

    -Monkey
    *hugs*

    Does a fractured spine count as a broken limb? If not, I can't say I know physically what you're going through, though I do mentally know. Car Accident in my Senior Year made even -sitting- through my mid terms an impossibility. Bed rest for a few weeks, struggling just to make it down the hall to the bathroom. I'm lucky my teachers took pity on me, or I might have failed my last year of high school because of it.

    *sympathy*

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    4 days of work. 1200 words. This is going nowhere fast.
    I've been in my own oblivious little world for a while, so I don't know your entire situation, but can't you turn to anyone around you for help in this matter? I assume a day off is out of the question or impractical...

    Either way, hopefully something will break your way. I wish you the best you can get.
    Last edited by INoKnowNames; 2012-08-14 at 11:16 AM.

  20. - Top - End - #410
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    4 days of work. 1200 words. This is going nowhere fast.
    I hear your stress. If you've only written 3 pages in four days you have writer's block, and that is another way of saying "Living Hell".

    There is a way through writer's block. Let me know if advice would be helpful. I'll look here and at my pm box later today.

    Meanwhile, *hugs* to you.

    -Monkey

    PS ... thanks to everyone for the messages of support. I never tire of them. Today I discovered that the plants I tumbled through as I fell down the embankment were poison ivy. Of course they were! Itchy blisters all over my back! Gah!

    .
    Last edited by MonkeyBusiness; 2012-08-14 at 12:08 PM.
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  21. - Top - End - #411
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    I have a really dumb personal woe.

    I'm at work and have very little to do right now, so I'm on my laptop. Because I have no mouse or sound and need to be semi-alert, I can't really play games or listen to music or watch videos or anything. I feel like my browsing is slightly ham-stringed and in general am semi-bored.

    #firstworldproblems
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  22. - Top - End - #412
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Faulty View Post
    I'm at work ... and in general am semi-bored.
    Doodle? Write either with a word processor or that stick like object that makes dark liquid ooze out the end onto crushed, bleached, sheets of cellulose waste (with added beifit of looking like you are "working"? lolcats?

  23. - Top - End - #413
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    *blows dust off*

    Tomorrow I have an appointment for an initial consultation at my school's Counseling and Psychological Services. I've always been very antisocial, borderline Asperger's, and borderline depressed, but always convinced myself that it's all fine, or it's all normal and everyone else deals with same so I should just suck it up, or it's all my fault and I need to work harder to overcome it by myself. I don't even talk to other people about my life. I found out about CAPS and decided to make this appointment only within the last two weeks, due to feeling progressively worse and worse about myself and deciding that crying four times in the last five days is not normal behavior nor something I should be putting up with. (If anyone remembers my academic troubles from a few months ago, well, that's part of the stress as well.)

    The timing is great. I've been meaning to make this appointment all week and then my bike got stolen Wednesday morning. Otherwise I wouldn't have realized to add "coping strategy: cut both classes and treat myself to a pesto crepe for lunch" to my list of problems. (I'm taking a couple of summer courses; they're both engineering classes, not easy GEs, and both integral to my major.)

    Anyways, the website says to be active in thinking about what I want to accomplish during counseling meetings and deciding how to best use the time. That's where I'm stuck. I've never been to a professional counselor* and I barely even know what I want out of it. I mean, I want the guy to take one look at me and give me a perfect diagnosis to explain everything, and then a magical pill to fix everything, but I don't think I can get that. Not even with two looks.

    What can I expect from counseling? <- tl;dr
    What can I get out of counseling? How long does it take? Are they going to ask me questions or am I supposed to just tell stories about myself until something interesting happens? Anything else I should do to prepare for the appointment?

    I'm a bit nervous, to be frank. A bit relieved that something's finally going to happen but a bit nervous all the same.

    * The only time I've been to a psychiatrist was two years ago when my mom and I wanted to find out if I really do have Asperger's or not, and he listened to me talk about myself (which completely threw me off, because I was expecting a questionnare or something, so I didn't know what to say) and said I didn't have Asperger's Disorder and that was it. Although he said I might be socially/mentally immature.
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  24. - Top - End - #414
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Counselling can take anything from a few sessions to a few years and onwards. When you go there, don't necessarily think about what you want to accomplish in your first session. In your first session, you're there to tell the nice lady/gent what you feel your problems are. They'll ask a couple of questions to lead you into giving more details, and listen. From there, they'll offer a little advice.

    So basically - start talking. Talk about things you feel are a problem in your life - the reasons you've decided to make this appointment. If you have issues that need to be helped with by a different professional, they'll refer you as such.

    And also remember - if you don't click with the counsellor you're talking to, you can always attempt to get a different counsellor. Though you most likely won't click with the counsellor instantly (no "click at first sight").

    I did counselling for a bit at school. Was nice to have someone to talk to about my woes and things that happened to me, and have that person be impartial to it all.

    note: this is from a British person. Most likely the same sort of thing wherever you're from, but might not be.
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  25. - Top - End - #415
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    Cyric,

    I'm really impressed at how you are approaching therapy. As Castaras points out, it's hard to say how long it will take to see meaningful changes in your life: but being proactive is one way to make sure you see those changes sooner, and that they are important ones.

    I think it might help if you think about what exactly the problem is, and what a life free of that problem might look like. For example, you refer to yourself as "antisocial". Describe what that means in your life. For one person, it might mean being deliberately rude to make people go away; to another, it might mean longing to make contact, but being too shy; to a third person, it might mean a phobia. You should list the things you do, the things you avoid doing, the things you think, and the way you feel when you are engaing in what you call antisocial behavior.

    Then, think about what your ideal life would be like if you did not have these behaviors, thoughts, and feelings challenging you at every turn. What would you be like if you were not antisocial? How would you act, think, and feel instead?

    With these two lists, you have a sort of "point A to point B" itinerary. The role of the therapist is to help you map out the way between those two points, with guidance for alternate routes if you get lost or stuck along the way.

    Hope that helps. Best of luck with your first appointment!

    -Monkey



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  26. - Top - End - #416
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Counseling can vary a lot depending on the counselor and on the individual seeing them. It is, however, good to be motivated and open-minded and to have a goal.

    I have a woe of my own....
    So...Zeb got a job, sort of 3 of them actually... which is great. Problem? They're in South Dakota. Now, we have no desire to move halfway across the country, but surviving on only my income (which is a little more than half of what he was making before he lost his job in Jan.) had been becoming more and more difficult. So...he's going to go there and take them until he can manage to get something more permanent here. And I can't go with him because I have a really good job here and we have a house here that we can't sell and we don't want to actually 'move' yet if we don't have to. And because of my work schedule (stupid erratic hours that are in no way predictable), and the fact that we really have no one here to watch our son while I'm working, Pickle's going to be going with him. And I'm going to be here all alone. I hate being alone.

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  27. - Top - End - #417
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    virtual tackle hug..

    they're rather random and occasionally you slam into a tree..but sometimes they reach destination.
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  28. - Top - End - #418
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness View Post
    Cyric,

    I'm really impressed at how you are approaching therapy. As Castaras points out, it's hard to say how long it will take to see meaningful changes in your life: but being proactive is one way to make sure you see those changes sooner, and that they are important ones.

    I think it might help if you think about what exactly the problem is, and what a life free of that problem might look like. For example, you refer to yourself as "antisocial". Describe what that means in your life. For one person, it might mean being deliberately rude to make people go away; to another, it might mean longing to make contact, but being too shy; to a third person, it might mean a phobia. You should list the things you do, the things you avoid doing, the things you think, and the way you feel when you are engaing in what you call antisocial behavior.

    Then, think about what your ideal life would be like if you did not have these behaviors, thoughts, and feelings challenging you at every turn. What would you be like if you were not antisocial? How would you act, think, and feel instead?

    With these two lists, you have a sort of "point A to point B" itinerary. The role of the therapist is to help you map out the way between those two points, with guidance for alternate routes if you get lost or stuck along the way.

    Hope that helps. Best of luck with your first appointment!

    -Monkey



    .
    I like those two lists! Today she just let me talk about myself the entire hour, but I'll think about this for next Tuesday. Also it looks like they only do 5 sessions of counseling (because it's provided free through the school, I suppose?) although I can be recommended to elsewhere afterwards if I want.
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  29. - Top - End - #419
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Alarra,

    While Zeb is to be congratulated on finding a job, and you both are to be commended on finding a way to make this situation work for your family, I am very sorry that this was the best option. Being apart from your spouse and child is a real sacrifice. *hugs*

    I have a ton of suggestions for keeping loneliness at bay: as a solitary person, I am an old pro. However, I sense that a ton of suggestions are not what you need here.

    *sits beside you, puts paw on your hand* I really am sorry this has come to pass. I think the special love of your Troll family has touched lots of us on this forum, even those of us who haven't been lucky enough to meet you (yet). I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are loved, and that you will have the support and concern of many people here while you go through this transition.

    I think anticipating a separation of this sort can be as bad or worse than the separation itself. For now, my only advice is: don't waste energy fretting over this, because you cannot avert it. Use every moment you have to give your Zeb and your Pickle all the love you can lavish on them. Focus on that.



    -Monkey


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  30. - Top - End - #420
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