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  1. - Top - End - #421
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Yeah, I saw that strip as well. I found it quite motivational and...



    ...uplifting.

  2. - Top - End - #422
    Loving the Smell of Bat Guano in the Morning Administrator
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    Yeah, I saw that strip as well. I found it quite motivational and...



    ...uplifting.
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  3. - Top - End - #423
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Kind of suprises me how many people on the forum are "me too".

    But then, xkcd pretty much breathes ADD.
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  4. - Top - End - #424
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    cool Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Thatwas awesome.

    So was the balloon thing. I can see how it would have special meaning for a person with ADD, but it sure seemed to sum up my life. Recently I kind of feel like I'm just lying there while all the balloons float away. I spent the first half of this year fighting off a recurring respiratory infection. When I finally seemed to get rid of it, I broke my collarbone. Sorry to complain about it again, but, well, whining is one of the few things I can do unimpaired.

    Spoiler
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    One of the balloons that keeps escaping in my life is my dog. Literally. Usually she's well-behaved and I pride myself on how good she is. But my injury makes it hard to exercise her as much as she needs. She's very athletic: usually she follows me as I ride my bicycle. I have to stop to check her feet every mile, because she loves to run so much she will run the pads off her feet rather than stop.

    We have new neighbors who moved in, who share the woodsy property line at the back of the yard. The house was vacant for a long time before it was bought: it was vacant when I moved here almost two years ago. The new neighbors have a sweet old dog whom my dog loves, and she has slipped over a few times to have a little doggie rendezvous. The neighbors are generally cool with this, and understand my arm is out of commission. Also in my favor is the fact that, when they first moved in, before I went over to welcome them to the neighborhood. I think I was the only neighbor that did, and I brought them a watermelon (seemed a better choice in August than a cake), and gave them permission to cut across my yard so they can get to the woods trail safely, rather than walking up the busy street on their side.

    So in spite of having an occasionally spastic dog, I've established that I am a Good Neighbor. And I know I am a Good Neighbor. But today my new neighbors decided to have some sort of business meeting in their back yard. And my dog went over to introduce herself. My neighbor was patient while I coaxed the dog back, and courteous. If had had just been my neighbor, it would not make me feel so bad.

    But I got the dirtiest looks from the suit-clad, laptop-toting women who were at this meeting. Poisonous, disdainful looks. Usually that doesn't bother me: even assuming I'm correctly interpreting the facial expression of others (a big assumption) I reckon it says more about the owner of the disdainful face than it does about me.

    However ... I've been something of a shut-in since the injury, and I guess I'm feeling vulnerable. I can handle the pain of this damn shoulder. But being alone and bored is very hard to cope with. The last public interaction I had was when I made a foray to the grocery last week. To have this be the first human contact in a week just ... it was hard to take. I concealed my humiliation, got the dog, thanked them graciously, and got the hell out of dodge.

    Another thing that hurt and made me vulnerable was the contrast between these women, who were well-dressed and evidently well-off and successful. .... and myself: in my old ripped jeans and coffee house ("death before decaf") t-shirt, no bra ... chasing a crazy dog through the bracken ... my unemployed self, unable to even do the housework without help, unable to control my dog ... in contrast with all these professional, capable-looking people.


    This makes me think about the nature of chasing balloons. In the old days, before we realized how bad it was for the environment and how dangerous for animals, there used to be balloon releases. I guess I'm just going to have to learn to see the beauty to letting balloons sail off into the sky, because even with two good arms, I'd never be able to catch them all. No-one ever does.

    And I guess the first balloon I need to let go free is the one that cares about the stuff I mentioned in the spoiler.

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    Last edited by MonkeyBusiness; 2012-09-11 at 11:15 AM.
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  5. - Top - End - #425
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Well yes, but that's something quite different from the analogy in the comic.

    The baloons are not major things that occupy our mind, but all the minor tasks of daily life that normal people don't even give a thought. It's just done.
    Buy food, change the lightbulb, get the clothes out of the washing machine, do the dishes, comb your hair, put on a shirt, fil out the forms for university, put the butter back into the fridge, get out the garbage. Tiny things of no significance that take just a few minutes or even seconds. But there's dozens of them all the time while you are trying to concentrate on playing Kerbal Space Program. But you can't really enjoy that either, becuase there's always 20 more baloons right in front of your face calling "catch me, catch me!"

    And when it's "turn in your graduation thesis" or "fill out the forms to get health insurance", things can turn quite bad.

    Simply "not giving a sh*t" actually comes quite easy. In fact, it comes all by itself even if you would really want to care.
    Last edited by Yora; 2012-09-11 at 12:06 PM.
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  6. - Top - End - #426
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I don't think there's only one way of looking at the comic. I think the sense of balloons escaping is a common human experience. But it can be intensified by things like ADD, depression, and an injury that causes impairment.

    .
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  7. - Top - End - #427
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    Speaking of depression..

    Prepare for an essay ~
    Spoiler
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    For the past probably three or four months, I've been so involved with World of Warcraft that I haven't had the time to even think of my lack of a boyfriend, what with being one of the Guild Masters of one of the top social guilds on my server.. But then a week ago my second best friend (Nathan) and my sister (Dana) broke up (I live with them also, making it more difficult) after being together for 10 months. It led to a breakdown in not only Nathan (not Dana though - she was the one who wrecked it. But I digress) but also me. I have several mental disorders, which affect me to the point that some days I can't go outside. Literally, I can't leave my unit without being afraid of the real world.

    When they were fighting, yelling and screaming at each other over the breakup, it forced me away from my gaming responsibilities, and led me to a very stressful situation I'm caught in the middle of. Having PTSD (which for me = any angry yelling around me, even if not directed at me, heightens my stress levels by quite a bit), extremely severe anxiety disorder and severe schizophrenia.. Well, I went nuts. I yelled out on Ventrilo (online voice chat, if you didn't know) at my Guild in WoW, stole from the Guild Bank which ended up in myself being kicked. Suddenly I was guildless, and since I was one of the major points of that guild.. I cracked even more.

    I ended up apologising to the Guild Master about everything, sent him everything I stole back to him via in-game mail, and waited to be re-invited. I waited for two days before I became impatient. I went on Vent, talked to everyone, no-one had heard from him. But another of the Guild Masters (who I had quarreled with before named Simon) kept saying snide comments to me about how he was glad that I was gone, and that he would never forgive me for what I did to the Guild. So simple as that, I resigned to never rejoin the Guild.

    So I joined another guild from a run of the end-game raid with some randoms (Guild named 'Ransack'. Old guild was 'Needs Nerfing') but.. They just didn't seem to suit my 'Guild needs' you could say. So I quit and searched for another guild, and now I must say, I have found a good friendly one (named Celestial Vanguard), who is also in the top 50 guilds on the server for Raid Progression!

    Now, back to the problem with Nathan and Dana. While not only I was cracking in-game, I was cracking on the outside too. My sleeping pattern is royally fracked (staying awake all night and not able to get to sleep until the sun rises, no matter how hard I tried). Some days I wouldn't eat at all, other days I would gorge myself. I was smoking like a chimney, sometimes chain-smoking three or four cigarettes in a row, having up to thirty a day (and I would usually have maybe ten). And I still had to be there for Nathan, while his last ten months crumbled around him.

    Even now, although a week and a half has passed after what happened, I am still struggling to cope. Dana is in and out of the house, but when she's home I know it by hearing them fight. But as soon as I hear them fighting, I put on my headset and have loud music pumped into my ears until Nathan comes into my room and tells me it's over - If I don't block it out, I end up feeling very physically ill.

    I know I should see a therapist/psychiatrist about a lot of this stuff.. But maybe you guys can help a little? :/
    Aetherys, Nature's Wrath. AP: 0/20. Pantheon AP: 0/2.
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  8. - Top - End - #428
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Only help we can give, as far as I can tell from your post, is big hugs, and pushing you to go talk to someone professional. What you have there needs to get checked out.
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  9. - Top - End - #429
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I'd like to second Castaras' sage advice. The experiences you have are very intense and are disrupting your life. And you have listed multiple diagnoses. You need and deserve the help of someone qualified.

    I hope though you'll keep in touch and let us know how you continue to do. I also hope you begin to feel a little better soon. I am glad you've already figured out one coping mechanism.

    Please take care.

    -Monkey

    @ Succubus: Brilliant advice!
    .
    Last edited by MonkeyBusiness; 2012-09-12 at 11:52 AM.
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  10. - Top - End - #430
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    One thing that may help Myn - part of the problem at the moment is that you don't have a sanctuary.

    By this, I mean a space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Your new guild will help with this, sure and I really hope it turns out well for you. But you also need a physical sanctuary as well. If you come home each evening to arguments and yelling, it's only going to make things more unpleasant.

    You say that you're uncomfortable about being outside but perhaps this is what you need. Are there any parks or wooded areas or public gardens near to where you live? The closer the better really. Find somewhere like that, out of the way so you won't be disturbed and relax with a portable gaming system like a DS or a PSP with some headphones on.

    It's good that you want to help your best friend and your sister. Just don't let yourself be hurt or used as a gaming chip between them though.

  11. - Top - End - #431
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Mynxae View Post
    Speaking of depression..
    Wow, people are obscenely serious about their MMOs. Not just you, but also the people acting like jerks towards you. I can understand them being annoyed with what you did, but I mean... grow up, really.

    Yeah, I'm afraid there's not much anyone can do for you without some real help. There's no quick pep talk to get out past depression and PTSD. You need to see a professional if this is an ongoing thing.

    There are components here that you may be able to alleviate in the meantime, though. Your distress is coming from their fighting. Talk to your sister and see if there's some way they can ease off with the yelling and fighting, knowing what it's putting you through. Are they still living together? I can't imagine that will last.

    Sleep. You need it. Look up some insomnia advice online. I'm not well-versed in it, but I'm sure there are groups out there to help. If you can't sleep at night, keep yourself awake the next day until night again, hopefully you'll be so tired that your schedule will reset, I don't know.

    Find some more positive habit to alleviate the smoking. Not easy, I know.

  12. - Top - End - #432
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Yora View Post
    Well yes, but that's something quite different from the analogy in the comic.

    The baloons are not major things that occupy our mind, but all the minor tasks of daily life that normal people don't even give a thought. It's just done.
    Buy food, change the lightbulb, get the clothes out of the washing machine, do the dishes, comb your hair, put on a shirt, fil out the forms for university, put the butter back into the fridge, get out the garbage. Tiny things of no significance that take just a few minutes or even seconds. But there's dozens of them all the time while you are trying to concentrate on playing Kerbal Space Program. But you can't really enjoy that either, becuase there's always 20 more baloons right in front of your face calling "catch me, catch me!"

    And when it's "turn in your graduation thesis" or "fill out the forms to get health insurance", things can turn quite bad.

    Simply "not giving a sh*t" actually comes quite easy. In fact, it comes all by itself even if you would really want to care.
    Bingo. This is exactly what I've been trying to say to people for a while. And even though my ADHD isn't that severe, I was still staring at that comic for a while because it really hit home.

  13. - Top - End - #433
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Thanks everyone for their advice ~

    Update on the situation:

    Things are kind of getting better for Nathan and Dana.. At least they aren't yelling as much anyhow. But my in-game life has gone to hell.

    Being abused by GM's of my old guild because apparently I betrayed them, when I left (even though I ninja'd the bank, but I gave -everything- back) because I was sick of their b****ing and complaining about every little thing. Reported them to Blizzard but I'm not expecting them to do much. Even been so far that I went on Vent to try and patch things up with them after the coaxing of the one GM who I'm still on good terms with (Lauren), and got abused by two of the GM's quite vehemently. So to be honest, they can get fracked. This is kind of just me venting, but WoW is full of abuse towards me, and Nathan is out clubbing with some friends (and he has our pouch of tobacco) Kind of going crazy here.
    Aetherys, Nature's Wrath. AP: 0/20. Pantheon AP: 0/2.
    Posting will be sporadic as I just started college and am getting adjusted to a workload of stuff to do.

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    Mynxae who always seeks rifts to heal,
    The lovely Dark Lady who's never at odds;
    These are a few of our favorite mods!

  14. - Top - End - #434
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    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Being someone who talks allot; having lost my voice due to what feels like strep or a sinus infection or some such is VERY annoying. I think I'm being a bit sharpish to people around me and I don't like it.

  15. - Top - End - #435
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by sktarq View Post
    Being someone who talks allot; having lost my voice due to what feels like strep or a sinus infection or some such is VERY annoying. I think I'm being a bit sharpish to people around me and I don't like it.
    Hey another Central(ish) Coaster!

    I take a small spoonful of raw honey when I'm having throat issues. That seems to help a little bit, and if it's bacterial in any way, the honey helps to knock it out.

    Maybe that will help?
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  16. - Top - End - #436
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Sometimes mixing just honey with hot water also helps, or herbal teas. I've tried it, it really helps.
    Aetherys, Nature's Wrath. AP: 0/20. Pantheon AP: 0/2.
    Posting will be sporadic as I just started college and am getting adjusted to a workload of stuff to do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elemental View Post
    Ahh Kyth'ra... A knight of such honour and virtue, not to mention suppressed homicidal rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by C'nor View Post
    Mystic who fluffs things with madness and zeal,
    Mynxae who always seeks rifts to heal,
    The lovely Dark Lady who's never at odds;
    These are a few of our favorite mods!

  17. - Top - End - #437
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I've been favoring the old honey + hot water + Lemon + Scotch so far. Pity it wont put to sleep. Need it.

  18. - Top - End - #438
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    You ever get the feeling that everything in your life is currently above your pay grade?
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  19. - Top - End - #439
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    You ever get the feeling that everything in your life is currently above your pay grade?
    Constantly. It's discouraging, isn't it?


    .
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  20. - Top - End - #440
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    You ever get the feeling that everything in your life is currently above your pay grade?
    I'm not even sure I get what you mean.

  21. - Top - End - #441
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mynxae View Post
    Speaking of depression..

    Prepare for an essay ~
    Spoiler
    Show
    For the past probably three or four months, I've been so involved with World of Warcraft that I haven't had the time to even think of my lack of a boyfriend, what with being one of the Guild Masters of one of the top social guilds on my server.. But then a week ago my second best friend (Nathan) and my sister (Dana) broke up (I live with them also, making it more difficult) after being together for 10 months. It led to a breakdown in not only Nathan (not Dana though - she was the one who wrecked it. But I digress) but also me. I have several mental disorders, which affect me to the point that some days I can't go outside. Literally, I can't leave my unit without being afraid of the real world.

    When they were fighting, yelling and screaming at each other over the breakup, it forced me away from my gaming responsibilities, and led me to a very stressful situation I'm caught in the middle of. Having PTSD (which for me = any angry yelling around me, even if not directed at me, heightens my stress levels by quite a bit), extremely severe anxiety disorder and severe schizophrenia.. Well, I went nuts. I yelled out on Ventrilo (online voice chat, if you didn't know) at my Guild in WoW, stole from the Guild Bank which ended up in myself being kicked. Suddenly I was guildless, and since I was one of the major points of that guild.. I cracked even more.

    I ended up apologising to the Guild Master about everything, sent him everything I stole back to him via in-game mail, and waited to be re-invited. I waited for two days before I became impatient. I went on Vent, talked to everyone, no-one had heard from him. But another of the Guild Masters (who I had quarreled with before named Simon) kept saying snide comments to me about how he was glad that I was gone, and that he would never forgive me for what I did to the Guild. So simple as that, I resigned to never rejoin the Guild.

    So I joined another guild from a run of the end-game raid with some randoms (Guild named 'Ransack'. Old guild was 'Needs Nerfing') but.. They just didn't seem to suit my 'Guild needs' you could say. So I quit and searched for another guild, and now I must say, I have found a good friendly one (named Celestial Vanguard), who is also in the top 50 guilds on the server for Raid Progression!

    Now, back to the problem with Nathan and Dana. While not only I was cracking in-game, I was cracking on the outside too. My sleeping pattern is royally fracked (staying awake all night and not able to get to sleep until the sun rises, no matter how hard I tried). Some days I wouldn't eat at all, other days I would gorge myself. I was smoking like a chimney, sometimes chain-smoking three or four cigarettes in a row, having up to thirty a day (and I would usually have maybe ten). And I still had to be there for Nathan, while his last ten months crumbled around him.

    Even now, although a week and a half has passed after what happened, I am still struggling to cope. Dana is in and out of the house, but when she's home I know it by hearing them fight. But as soon as I hear them fighting, I put on my headset and have loud music pumped into my ears until Nathan comes into my room and tells me it's over - If I don't block it out, I end up feeling very physically ill.

    I know I should see a therapist/psychiatrist about a lot of this stuff.. But maybe you guys can help a little? :/
    I am sorry to hear you are going through stressful times but it really seems like a professional will do you more good than a msgboard.
    Also, it seemed like you expected to get back in the guild with just an apology and returning their property. Just because someone apologies does not put any burden on the other to allow that person back into the same position they held before. Broken trust and all.
    I hope you find some way to deal with all this stress

  22. - Top - End - #442
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I had a great summer. The weather was great, I did all the things I wanted to do, I was feeling great, I was having a good time. I went through the summer with the attitude that I wasn't going to give a single frig what people thought, I was just going to enjoy myself.

    That's fading. I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling kind of down lately. There are a few internal and external factors I can recognize, but they don't seem to be that important, because they're really no different than the summer. For example:

    Spoiler
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    I play in a band, nothing too serious, weekend warrior stuff. We play on average maybe a show a month, though we'd like to do more. Back in April, I had a cold, and was on the mend, when we played a gig. I blew out my throat. Full-on laryngitis after the show and for days following. We had to cancel a second show because I simply could not perform. Took some time off, recovered, played another couple shows and it was almost as bad. We took an extended break and I've been recovering. I've gone to an ENT specialist who tells me I have dysphonia - I'm overworking the wrong muscles in my throat.

    This really gets me down sometimes. I've been taking steps to alleviate it (drinking LOTS of water, trying to change my vocal style, changing songs to suit my range better), but I'm kind of afraid I'll never get it back. We'd like to play shows more often, but I simply can't do it. We've considered getting a new vocalist (I also play guitar), but I love singing as well. I have noticed some positive change lately, though. We've had some jam sessions and even played a couple shows, and while I could definitely notice the strain, I didn't lose my voice at any point, and I was able to hit the high end notes. So that's something. I'm just concerned this will be a lifelong issue now. I have another appointment, this time with a vocal analyst, October 1.


    Spoiler
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    Still single, haven't had a date in a year. Have met a couple interesting women, but no reciprocation. Yeah, it could be worse, but it's still a bit of a bummer. Maybe connected to the next point.


    Spoiler
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    Went to a party, drank too much, made an idiot of myself, got sick. The dreaded combination. Talking with my friend about this, she made 3 comments.
    1. I'm obnoxious.
    2. Because I try too hard.
    3. Because I'm looking for attention.
    I was kind of aware of #1, but #2 and #3 I hadn't really considered. I can see some merit in them. I suggested that it was just because I was drunk and hey, everyone does that once in a while, but she says that I am this way when sober, too, just not as extreme. And it wasn't just the one party. Seems like every time I go out I end up with annoying or angering someone. Sometimes I'm aware of it, other times not so much.

    This is basically my best friend I'm talking about, so I take her observations pretty seriously. It sort of hit me that I've become that guy. You know, the one that shows up at your party, acts like an idiot and annoys everyone, then has to be helped home. I HATE that guy.

    Of course, now I've been thinking about it all the time, and it's colouring everything I do. Everything. I'm trying to be more reserved, because I don't want to come off as that guy. Thinking about my musical pursuits, I start to wonder if it's just attention seeking. I don't want to go out any more, because I think I'll either tick someone off or mope in the corner all night. Even posting this I thought "am I just seeking attention?" even though the forum is a faceless bunch of entities to me, for the most part. Maybe I am, I don't even know. I don't normally like to air my laundry to a bunch of strangers. I can see how it's affecting my behaviour, my mood, the way I dress, whether or not I bother to style my hair or shave in the morning, and I wonder if other people notice it too.

    Maybe it's not such a BAD thing if it affects my behaviour. I guess I could stand to cut back on the booze when I'm out. Set a hard cap for myself at 2 or 3 drinks and not go past that. That's kind of the point, right, to check myself (before I wreck myself)? To not "try to hard." But I guess there's a difference between not trying too hard and not trying at all, so I'll have to find some balance there. I've been trying in the past 5 years or so to sort of change for the better. It's been a marginal success. Some ways I know I'm better, others... well, some ways I've become worse. I guess that's the "real me" coming through.

    But what the heck happened to summer me? Why can't I just say "I do not give one single solitary frig" and move on? Was that so bad? Well, maybe it was. After all: obnoxious. Sure it's great to enjoy myself, but I don't want to be a nuisance or burden to other people either.


    Don't get me wrong, I realize this probably sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is. I'm not going to work in sweat pants or refusing to brush my teeth. I'm not avoiding everyone. I'm not depressed and I can still decide to get in a good mood and get in a good mood, just maybe not as good as before. I'm just... just kind of bummed out. It's a mood swing, and I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, really, and certainly not pity. If you want to chip in, go ahead, I just had to expel some of this (and hope no one I know reads these forums!).

  23. - Top - End - #443
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    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    I had a great summer. The weather was great, I did all the things I wanted to do, I was feeling great, I was having a good time. I went through the summer with the attitude that I wasn't going to give a single frig what people thought, I was just going to enjoy myself.

    That's fading. I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling kind of down lately. There are a few internal and external factors I can recognize, but they don't seem to be that important, because they're really no different than the summer. For example:

    Spoiler
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    I play in a band, nothing too serious, weekend warrior stuff. We play on average maybe a show a month, though we'd like to do more. Back in April, I had a cold, and was on the mend, when we played a gig. I blew out my throat. Full-on laryngitis after the show and for days following. We had to cancel a second show because I simply could not perform. Took some time off, recovered, played another couple shows and it was almost as bad. We took an extended break and I've been recovering. I've gone to an ENT specialist who tells me I have dysphonia - I'm overworking the wrong muscles in my throat.

    This really gets me down sometimes. I've been taking steps to alleviate it (drinking LOTS of water, trying to change my vocal style, changing songs to suit my range better), but I'm kind of afraid I'll never get it back. We'd like to play shows more often, but I simply can't do it. We've considered getting a new vocalist (I also play guitar), but I love singing as well. I have noticed some positive change lately, though. We've had some jam sessions and even played a couple shows, and while I could definitely notice the strain, I didn't lose my voice at any point, and I was able to hit the high end notes. So that's something. I'm just concerned this will be a lifelong issue now. I have another appointment, this time with a vocal analyst, October 1.


    Spoiler
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    Still single, haven't had a date in a year. Have met a couple interesting women, but no reciprocation. Yeah, it could be worse, but it's still a bit of a bummer. Maybe connected to the next point.


    Spoiler
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    Went to a party, drank too much, made an idiot of myself, got sick. The dreaded combination. Talking with my friend about this, she made 3 comments.
    1. I'm obnoxious.
    2. Because I try too hard.
    3. Because I'm looking for attention.
    I was kind of aware of #1, but #2 and #3 I hadn't really considered. I can see some merit in them. I suggested that it was just because I was drunk and hey, everyone does that once in a while, but she says that I am this way when sober, too, just not as extreme. And it wasn't just the one party. Seems like every time I go out I end up with annoying or angering someone. Sometimes I'm aware of it, other times not so much.

    This is basically my best friend I'm talking about, so I take her observations pretty seriously. It sort of hit me that I've become that guy. You know, the one that shows up at your party, acts like an idiot and annoys everyone, then has to be helped home. I HATE that guy.

    Of course, now I've been thinking about it all the time, and it's colouring everything I do. Everything. I'm trying to be more reserved, because I don't want to come off as that guy. Thinking about my musical pursuits, I start to wonder if it's just attention seeking. I don't want to go out any more, because I think I'll either tick someone off or mope in the corner all night. Even posting this I thought "am I just seeking attention?" even though the forum is a faceless bunch of entities to me, for the most part. Maybe I am, I don't even know. I don't normally like to air my laundry to a bunch of strangers. I can see how it's affecting my behaviour, my mood, the way I dress, whether or not I bother to style my hair or shave in the morning, and I wonder if other people notice it too.

    Maybe it's not such a BAD thing if it affects my behaviour. I guess I could stand to cut back on the booze when I'm out. Set a hard cap for myself at 2 or 3 drinks and not go past that. That's kind of the point, right, to check myself (before I wreck myself)? To not "try to hard." But I guess there's a difference between not trying too hard and not trying at all, so I'll have to find some balance there. I've been trying in the past 5 years or so to sort of change for the better. It's been a marginal success. Some ways I know I'm better, others... well, some ways I've become worse. I guess that's the "real me" coming through.

    But what the heck happened to summer me? Why can't I just say "I do not give one single solitary frig" and move on? Was that so bad? Well, maybe it was. After all: obnoxious. Sure it's great to enjoy myself, but I don't want to be a nuisance or burden to other people either.


    Don't get me wrong, I realize this probably sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is. I'm not going to work in sweat pants or refusing to brush my teeth. I'm not avoiding everyone. I'm not depressed and I can still decide to get in a good mood and get in a good mood, just maybe not as good as before. I'm just... just kind of bummed out. It's a mood swing, and I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, really, and certainly not pity. If you want to chip in, go ahead, I just had to expel some of this (and hope no one I know reads these forums!).
    Dude, I know just how you feel. It would be great if I had some magical advice, but all I can offer is that if you stay that "don't give a frig' guy for too long, you're not going to have many friends, but the ones you do have will be steadfast as hell. Then when you do find a chick, so will she. Some people are going to think you are "trying too hard" or fishing for attention. Even when neither of those are the case at all. You will find that a lot of people in the world do not understand a "don't give a frig" attitude, and can't comprehend how someone can even do it.

    It takes a lot to attach yourself to someone like that. Sometimes you are going to be THAT guy. But that is on you to keep that under control.

    Still, attention seeking is perfectly normal. Some people are more blatent about it than others, and can appear to try too hard. That is just who they are. Some people won't like it. You can't please everybody.
    Last edited by Crow; 2012-09-17 at 05:29 PM.
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  24. - Top - End - #444
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow View Post
    Dude, I know just how you feel. It would be great if I had some magical advice, but all I can offer is that if you stay that "don't give a frig' guy for too long, you're not going to have many friends, but the ones you do have will be steadfast as hell. Then when you do find a chick, so will she. Some people are going to think you are "trying too hard" or fishing for attention. Even when neither of those are the case at all. You will find that a lot of people in the world do not understand a "don't give a frig" attitude, and can't comprehend how someone can even do it.
    Sometimes it's like you just can't win, you know? People say "just be yourself," but what if "yourself" is an obnoxious jerk? I've tried to change, tried to be someone else, but either it backfires or I just slip back into my normal personality.

    It takes a lot to attach yourself to someone like that. Sometimes you are going to be THAT guy. But that is on you to keep that under control.
    To their credit, my friends did take care of me and get me home when I was sick, which is more than I could ask or expect. I did once behave so poorly that they left a party without telling me.

  25. - Top - End - #445
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    Sometimes it's like you just can't win, you know? People say "just be yourself," but what if "yourself" is an obnoxious jerk? I've tried to change, tried to be someone else, but either it backfires or I just slip back into my normal personality.
    I feel ya man. Been there multiple times myself. Always with the same result.
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    Season 3: 7-4-2 Cup Quarter-Finalists
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  26. - Top - End - #446
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by prufock View Post
    I'm not even sure I get what you mean.
    Everything in my life is either out of my hands or I'm not paid enough to deal with it.

    Or, in the case of the dying pseudo-relative, I don't have the requisite training to deal with it properly.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So, who remembers me whining about disability stuff popping up in awkward places?

    Well we've got a new one. New bus driver on the line I take to work. It gets pretty busy some days, which I understand. It's not terribly uncommon that I need to move away from the spot I board at because of someone's scent. It's never really been a huge issue.

    Enter the new bus driver. For some reason she's decided that this is a disruptive behavior, trying to find a different spot on a crowded bus if I'm in a fairly clear one. And I'm not terribly inclined to announce on a crowded bus that someone's scent is bothering me.

    I don't know how to solve this.
    Kittyfey thanks to Kaarienne.

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  28. - Top - End - #448
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Well, I've missed this coming up before, but the generic version of vick's vapor rub has always done me well when I've had to go across country on a greyhound with all that entails and implies about myself and my fellow passengers.

    I'm guessing from context that this is likely to be as useless to you as a fish to a bicycle, though. :/
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So, who remembers me whining about disability stuff popping up in awkward places?

    Well we've got a new one. New bus driver on the line I take to work. It gets pretty busy some days, which I understand. It's not terribly uncommon that I need to move away from the spot I board at because of someone's scent. It's never really been a huge issue.

    Enter the new bus driver. For some reason she's decided that this is a disruptive behavior, trying to find a different spot on a crowded bus if I'm in a fairly clear one. And I'm not terribly inclined to announce on a crowded bus that someone's scent is bothering me.

    I don't know how to solve this.
    May I hug you? That last line went right to my heart.

    Of course you are not inclined to announce your reason to need to move. That would indeed be disruptive, as well as mean. You are not like that.

    But you need not offer any explanation at all. Just sincere apologies to those you must carefully push past. If the driver makes a big deal about it when no one else complains, then the driver is the disruptive one. If she continues, you might have to report her behavior.

    I can understand how the driver might perceive you as a potential "problem". Given all that bus drivers have to cope with, I can see why she might be suspicious, even while I disagree with her actions.

    One approach, therefore, might be to approach her as a potential ally. Board the bus, and say to her, "I know you've been wondering what my problem is, pushing around. I'm not trying to be a problem, but I do have a problem, and it would help me to stay near the front door." (Or whatever might be helpful to you.)

    I do not know if this particular person can be approached this way, but I have used a tactic like this often in the past, and it can work.

    You have other options. One might be to go ahead and get "official" status as handicapped (I hate that word and apologize for it). If you do this, you might consider buying a cane or walking stick, so as to have a visible "excuse" for sitting in the handicapped zone. That way you won't be called out by self-important (and potentially judgemental) drivers.

    A third idea I have is to get one of those little air filters one wears around one's neck. They are designed for people with allergies who must ride on airplanes ... but it would work for you too. I cannot vouch for how well they work, or if it will be effective for you. Try
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  30. - Top - End - #450
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    smile Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Dang. Sorry about the back-to-back posts. This is why Monkey uses a white space at the bottom of her posts.

    As I was about to say: try Brookstone, or Lillian Vernon, or any "sky mall" catalog . They tend to sell that kind of thing.

    And good luck on the bus.

    -Monkey.


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    Happy Summertime Monkey Avatar by Trog!

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