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  1. - Top - End - #541
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Just a reality check real quick.
    Late Last night A lady leaves her four kids, parked by the curb of a department store in the lanes of travel. While the mother is inside doing substantial shopping (based on the cart full of bags as well as both arms having one each), With her engine running, and doors unlocked... four ways on and her oldest girl looking to be maybe 9 years old.

    This is when you call the police yes? My self personally I am kinda scared to even been seen around a situation like that, Because you know if something happens it is going to suck to explain it, even for the bystanders.
    Although the lady had some very choice words for us bystanders when she showed up...and saw we had called the police on her.
    Apparently she felt We were irresponsible for calling the police to take charge of this bizarre situation. I mean realistically For all we knew these kids could of just witnessed their mother kidnapped in-front of them. It is not like horrific things have ever before and the bystanders failed to take action.
    *coughs* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Kitty_Genovese *cough*

    But in closing, Calling the police in a situation like is the correct thing to do, yes?

  2. - Top - End - #542
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    I would have locked the car and taken the kids to the store front desk, called her mother on the speakers to come collect them, and THEN I would have used a few choice words of my own.. with some backing from the store manager and the option of having her banned from shopping there again.
    but yeah..calling the cops works too

    so..what did the cops have to say to her?
    Last edited by dehro; 2012-10-18 at 01:39 PM.
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  3. - Top - End - #543
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mindfreak View Post
    Considering the fact that I don't enjoy confrentation...I just got out of there soon as possible.
    And when I said it to the girl the managers were around. So they most likely heard it. And the girl has been written up once already...so they may be more inclined to listen to me.
    On the topic of my next job, I'm going for one at Sears. They're in severe need of some employees, not to mention I have friends there. It'll just be a nicer place to work...

    But honestly, I don't know how I'm gonna feel about going in for my shifts on Friday and Sunday...
    Your "friend" is no such thing. Which is hard to hear, but...true, in this case. Just keep your head down, do your job, and don't engage anyone on any of their mess. And remind yourself that it's almost over.

    Quote Originally Posted by scurv View Post
    Just a reality check real quick.
    Late Last night A lady leaves her four kids, parked by the curb of a department store in the lanes of travel. While the mother is inside doing substantial shopping (based on the cart full of bags as well as both arms having one each), With her engine running, and doors unlocked... four ways on and her oldest girl looking to be maybe 9 years old.

    This is when you call the police yes? My self personally I am kinda scared to even been seen around a situation like that, Because you know if something happens it is going to suck to explain it, even for the bystanders.
    Although the lady had some very choice words for us bystanders when she showed up...and saw we had called the police on her.
    Apparently she felt We were irresponsible for calling the police to take charge of this bizarre situation. I mean realistically For all we knew these kids could of just witnessed their mother kidnapped in-front of them. It is not like horrific things have ever before and the bystanders failed to take action.
    *coughs* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Kitty_Genovese *cough*

    But in closing, Calling the police in a situation like is the correct thing to do, yes?
    I would definitely have called the police. And possibly child services to report her. If nothing else...with a car running like that it's asking for someone to jump in and drive off with the kids.

    Edit: It does suck though. I used to have to do that when I did cleaning work - people would let young children run around and climb on things. I remember having to tell an 8 year old boy that he could take me to his parents or I could call the police and have them page his family.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2012-10-18 at 01:44 PM.
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  4. - Top - End - #544
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Meh, She drove off just before the police got there. So not sure what happened afterwards. Although stuff like that seriously weirds me out.

  5. - Top - End - #545
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    Quote Originally Posted by scurv View Post
    Meh, She drove off just before the police got there. So not sure what happened afterwards. Although stuff like that seriously weirds me out.
    Pity. I'm sure the officer would have had a few words for her.
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  6. - Top - End - #546
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    The lady started the bail process shortly after cell phones were in action. I am not as much upset that she did that...but that she honestly does not grasp that maybe we were concerned about her kids welfare. Ya know I use to be one, Well kid that is. And if you talk to my nieces I still am one,
    Intellectually I understand how denial, and being self centered works. But no matter. Hopefully her kids do not spend to long in therapy from this.

    But I did take one thing positive from this. My mother my of been a psychotic,paranoid, excessively aggressive sadist....but she never neglected her kids. Kinda warmed my heart in a way to reflect on that.

  7. - Top - End - #547
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    So I'm on probation at work because of mental health symptoms interfering with my job.
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  8. - Top - End - #548
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    @warkitty if you are state side, there is laws that affect that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by scurv View Post
    @warkitty if you are state side, there is laws that affect that.
    Nope. Checked already.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So I'm on probation at work because of mental health symptoms interfering with my job.
    Oh dear. Are you doing okay? :c

    Wait, so they put you on probation cause they think you're not fit to do your job? I'm gonna second scurv here in saying that that sounds really iffy. :/

    *all of the hugs and sympathies*
    Last edited by Astrella; 2012-10-20 at 08:32 AM.
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  11. - Top - End - #551
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So I'm on probation at work because of mental health symptoms interfering with my job.
    Man, that sucks royally. My sympathies.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America...es_Act_of_1990
    http://www.injuredfederalworker.com/...FcXb4AodTwoAzg
    http://www.eeoc.gov/policy/docs/psych.html

    This is not a replacement for legal advice! But get documentation from your doctor, And See a Lawyer!!!

    In short (and only because i got the crash the hard way this year in the oh so personal way of a year of h e double hockey sticks) IF your disability does not impair your essential job functions, And if you are not a threat to others, You can request reasonable accommodation.

    and what ever you do KEEP ALL YOUR PAPERWORK!

    IN closeing, See a doctor, And find a Lawyer, and if it comes down to it, give the ACLU a call if you have to.

  13. - Top - End - #553
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    I don't have a doctor because I can't get in to see anyone that can write up the paperwork.

    Trust me, I know the law fairly well here. But...truth to be told, I'm not keeping up with my work responsibilities. And the way they have it structured you only get funding for school if you're teaching low-level classes.
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    Some of it too...it feels like there's a feedback loop. I'm under the microscope, so I get in trouble more. Even when I know I'm doing the same things that my colleagues are. We weren't really trained, I had to learn on my own. If you want me to meet certain standards, give them to me.
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  15. - Top - End - #555
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    I am starting to feel emotion again, btw they suck when you are use to not feeling them.

    I actually was able to feel anger a few days ago. It was odd. From the perspective of inside of my own head...I did not know what I was when I was feeling that.

    I'm use to, Well numbness is the wrong word, but it is the closest word i know. Absence is not the right word ether, but it is close...I think the easiest way to relate it is I am use to not even having the emotional spectrum in my world view. I have looked at some of the worst things there is, and felt maybe a little forlorn.

    But on the positive note, Its my moment so i best not blink and miss it.
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    So, more trouble. I'm below the number of hours completed I'd need to retain any funding for school. Trouble is, in order to get around this I have to be able to reasonably demonstrate that I'm "taking steps to resolve the problem", including seeing someone.

    I've been trying for months to get to see someone. There is no one taking patients. This unfortunately happens a lot. I'm tired of being judged and punished for not seeing someone when there is in fact no one that I can go see.
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    That really sucks.

    Is there any uni-related mental care they could help you access? Cause if they're wanting you to look for someone surely they could help at that?
    Last edited by Astrella; 2012-10-23 at 02:56 AM.
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  18. - Top - End - #558
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    Some of you might remember a couple of months ago my ranting about me being terrified of my work.

    It's been nearly 3 weeks since I started doing Physics instead of Maths. On the negative side, it means I'm paying 3000 extra for my degree (in the failed year of maths). On the plus side, I'm happier despite the larger work load, and actually interested in what I'm doing.

    So my academic life is now over 100% better. Happy happy happy.
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  19. - Top - End - #559
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So, more trouble. I'm below the number of hours completed I'd need to retain any funding for school. Trouble is, in order to get around this I have to be able to reasonably demonstrate that I'm "taking steps to resolve the problem", including seeing someone.

    I've been trying for months to get to see someone. There is no one taking patients. This unfortunately happens a lot. I'm tired of being judged and punished for not seeing someone when there is in fact no one that I can go see.
    Paperwork is your friend in this case. When you apply to see a doctor, do you do so via telephone or email? The latter would be the better option as that way you can keep a printed record when the surgery says "sorry, your doctor is in another castle". That way when people ask "what are you doing about it, you can present them with documented proof that you have been searching for a doctor, albeit unsuccessfully.

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    Some of you might remember a couple of months ago my ranting about me being terrified of my work.

    It's been nearly 3 weeks since I started doing Physics instead of Maths. On the negative side, it means I'm paying 3000 extra for my degree (in the failed year of maths). On the plus side, I'm happier despite the larger work load, and actually interested in what I'm doing.

    So my academic life is now over 100% better. Happy happy happy.
    Physics is fun and now that you're happier, you have a much better chance of being successful with your course. It's nice to see a positive ending in here once in a while - let's hope for other folks to a get a happy end as well.
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  20. - Top - End - #560
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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    That really sucks.

    Is there any uni-related mental care they could help you access? Cause if they're wanting you to look for someone surely they could help at that?
    Not really. They have people who basically can give out mental health bandaids.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    Paperwork is your friend in this case. When you apply to see a doctor, do you do so via telephone or email? The latter would be the better option as that way you can keep a printed record when the surgery says "sorry, your doctor is in another castle". That way when people ask "what are you doing about it, you can present them with documented proof that you have been searching for a doctor, albeit unsuccessfully.
    I...don't think I've ever heard of anyone applying by email. I don't think most doctors even give out email addresses?
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    I...don't think I've ever heard of anyone applying by email. I don't think most doctors even give out email addresses?
    Oh. Well, maybe things are different in the US but around here a doctor's practice usually has a website where you can find email contact information. Not always of the doctor(s) themselves, but you can usually find one for the administration at least.

    (Looking up specific names should pop up information like that.)
    Last edited by Astrella; 2012-10-23 at 09:08 AM.
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  22. - Top - End - #562
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    If not email, you could ask them to set it down on paper, preferably on their business letterhead.

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    In any case, the problem is more that I'm just in an area with a lack of specialists. Usually you have to go to a bigger city to find this sort of thing, but I don't own a car and it would take a full day and about $50-$60 just to get there.
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    I think some shrinks can operate via skype or phone. But good luck with that.
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  25. - Top - End - #565
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    In any case, the problem is more that I'm just in an area with a lack of specialists. Usually you have to go to a bigger city to find this sort of thing, but I don't own a car and it would take a full day and about $50-$60 just to get there.
    You said the University health people give out "mental health bandaids". While not terribly useful for the problem, it might serve to show you're trying to do something about it.

    Otherwise, if you need to get to a bigger city you could check for other people travelling there on weekends and such. I know there were often people on our campus up here posting for people to catch rides and split gas costs with. Its worth a shot anyway.

  26. - Top - End - #566
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So the school health center isn't sure how to schedule appointments to do diagnostic paperwork for the school disability office.


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    Quote Originally Posted by scurv View Post
    I think some shrinks can operate via skype or phone. But good luck with that.
    This is true. I went to a psychologist a few times that I know does phone sessions. She also costs $110 per session and doesn't accept any form of insurance... I know she's done sessions with people in other states. You can probably find someone similar.

    I'd recommend someone who uses Skype over phone if you can find them though. It's more personable...
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2012-10-23 at 04:15 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So the school health center isn't sure how to schedule appointments to do diagnostic paperwork for the school disability office.


    That's messed up. In addition to seeing a shrink, you might also see if your school has a disability advocate. In the States, at least, most do because it's hard to obey the ADA without one. They can guide you through the bureaucracy and do some of the needling on your behalf.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So the school health center isn't sure how to schedule appointments to do diagnostic paperwork for the school disability office.


    Things like this make me appreciate how together my school's health system really was. That sucks WarKitty. I'm pretty sure the school is legally required to help you to a reasonable degree if your disability is affecting your academics.

    EDIT: If you're in the States, anyways.
    Last edited by Sholos; 2012-10-23 at 11:42 PM.
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    I recently learned something about myself, and sharing it here in case:

    1) Anyone else has the same problem and wants to discuss it.
    2) Anyone else has the same problem and finds it useful.

    Short version: "It's okay to be less than perfect".

    Long version:

    I have two things in my background:

    1) I was drilled from a very young child to not give excuses. I expect myself to take responsibility for my actions and failures and improve, not fob off my failures on other people or other things. Even if the dog DID eat my homework, it was MY responsibility to ensure the homework was adequately secured. So there is no weaseling out of the fact that I screwed up.

    http://www.stewsmith.com/linkpages/noexcuses.htm

    2) The second problem is unrealistic expectations. I routinely demand more of myself than I can reasonably give, and fail in the attempt. So I try, and fail, and fail , and fail.

    http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue...ctionisms.html

    Put these two things together, and what do you get?

    You got it. One really, really unhappy person.

    So how do I fix this?

    Well, the only thing I really can do is to allow myself to make excuses after all. The military trains you to not make excuses because they expect you to do your best, to take responsibility for your actions, to adapt to changing circumstances and not to use a fluid situation as an excuse for failure. Find a way to win, no matter how badly things are fouled up. In a military situation, things are ALWAYS fouled up. So if you can't adapt or adjust, you're in the wrong business.

    Thing is .. there IS such a thing as a valid excuse. I have asthma. I cannot run hardly any distance without collapsing on the ground, wheezing.

    The US military recognized that no amount of motivation, no amount of additional training, would allow me to perform up to the spec demanded of a soldier. So they wouldn't let me join in the first place when the DODMERB medical exam came back.

    I believe it was a wise decision.

    So that's what I have to do. The whole "no excuse" thing only works if you are following expectations set by others who have a reasonable understanding of what they can and cannot expect of you. But when you're dealing with your OWN expectations, "no excuse" results in a death spiral of failure and self-punishment.

    So I need to step back from the military way of viewing things and start thinking more like a normal person.

    Maybe that's part of it. Perhaps there's a balance to the whole thing. If you're constantly failing to meet expectations and rationalizing it, maybe it's time for a little time with the DI who will get you to accept responsibility and start working on improvement. OTOH, if you're constantly in despair and depression over continued failure, maybe it's time to dial back the expectations. In other words, to lower your standards and allow excuses to some extent.

    And if .. as I am ... you are doing both, you have to decide which is the more critical problem and focus on it. In my life, I routinely perform up to and beyond expectations at work but find myself constantly fighting against a black pit of despair. This is an indication that I should be tilting more towards 'be kind to yourself' and less towards 'shape up your lazy self' .

    Maybe moderation is the name of the game. Maybe if I'd actually BEEN properly trained, instead of gleaning ideas from movies and books, I'd have a proper understanding of the balance. Ah well. Live and learn.


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    Brian P.
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