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  1. - Top - End - #721
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    Jeff the Green's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So, let me start off by saying that I'm okay right now and will be going in to see a shrink either today or Monday, and I have someone with me 24/7. I'm not looking for advice, just help identifying a symptom.

    I've been having a horrible depressive episode the last couple days, with panic attacks, convulsive crying, suicidality, the works. I've been self-treating by saturating myself in media, mostly political blogs and stuff on Netflix. After I finished a couple series that didn't run long, I started on The Walking Dead. I didn't like it much, but my mom, who's been watching me during this, did, so she kept watching while I read and caught up on my PBP games.

    After a few episodes, I got up to do something, and found myself operating on the assumption that the zombie apocalypse had come and we were the only ones left. Later I was rereading the Dresden Files and started trying to remember the spell to locate my wallet. And now I'm trying to figure out what the hell happened.

    It's not exactly a delusion, since it's correctable (and indeed I corrected it as soon as I thought about it) and momentary. But it's also clearly not normal thought patterns. Anybody have an idea of what to call this?
    Last edited by Jeff the Green; 2012-12-02 at 07:25 AM.
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  2. - Top - End - #722
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    Big-ish, so I thought I'd spoiler it. It would help if anyone has any advice on this.

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    The only thing I have to look forward to doing this week is going to Ele's, which will probably end up me going there tomorrow instead of Tuesday.

    First off - J was meant to stay over on Saturday night. Concert sprung up with him being told about it on Friday night (Concert was today, aka Sunday), so he had to stay home to practice the music they were playing (he's a pianist). I was fine with that, albeit a little disappointed but we re-organised him to come over tomorrow (Monday) night.

    Next, D was meant to come over tonight. And his excuse for not coming over tonight was "I'm too drunk and annoyed". What kind of excuse is that? And please, drunk at midday? Who the hell does that apart from seasoned alcoholics (of which he is not)?

    So J was meant to come over tomorrow night, yeah? No. Apparently now he has other plans, leaving me feeling absolutely hopeless and unloved. So not only did I have one person cancel plans with me, I had two do it.

    OH JOY I FEEL SO LOVED!

    Note: Both were meant to come over to both hang out, cuddle and/or do some possible sexual stuff. None of the three of us are in a relationship, so don't worry about that.
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  3. - Top - End - #723
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mynxae View Post
    Big-ish, so I thought I'd spoiler it. It would help if anyone has any advice on this.

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    The only thing I have to look forward to doing this week is going to Ele's, which will probably end up me going there tomorrow instead of Tuesday.

    First off - J was meant to stay over on Saturday night. Concert sprung up with him being told about it on Friday night (Concert was today, aka Sunday), so he had to stay home to practice the music they were playing (he's a pianist). I was fine with that, albeit a little disappointed but we re-organised him to come over tomorrow (Monday) night.

    Next, D was meant to come over tonight. And his excuse for not coming over tonight was "I'm too drunk and annoyed". What kind of excuse is that? And please, drunk at midday? Who the hell does that apart from seasoned alcoholics (of which he is not)?

    So J was meant to come over tomorrow night, yeah? No. Apparently now he has other plans, leaving me feeling absolutely hopeless and unloved. So not only did I have one person cancel plans with me, I had two do it.

    OH JOY I FEEL SO LOVED!

    Note: Both were meant to come over to both hang out, cuddle and/or do some possible sexual stuff. None of the three of us are in a relationship, so don't worry about that.
    Is it a regular thing that people cancel on you? Or is it more normal for people to come over for cuddles (and maybe more) and this one time things didn't work out?

    Sometimes bad things happen and plans get screwed up. If it makes you feel any better, concentrate on the fact that you had a couple people coming over to cuddle in the first place, even if they didn't make it. I had a situation recently where I double-scheduled myself for lunch and basically felt horrible about it. My therapist suggested looking at the fact that I only had a conflict because more than one person wanted to be around me at the same time. Not entirely the same thing, but I would say the principle kind of applies.

    As for what kind of excuse "drunk and annoyed" is, I think it's a pretty good reason. I mean, sure, it wasn't good of him to get that way when you guys had plans, but once he was that way would you really have wanted to be around him anyways?
    Last edited by Sholos; 2012-12-02 at 10:03 AM.
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  4. - Top - End - #724
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Is it a regular thing that people cancel on you? Or is it more normal for people to come over for cuddles (and maybe more) and this one time things didn't work out?

    Sometimes bad things happen and plans get screwed up. If it makes you feel any better, concentrate on the fact that you had a couple people coming over to cuddle in the first place, even if they didn't make it. I had a situation recently where I double-scheduled myself for lunch and basically felt horrible about it. My therapist suggested looking at the fact that I only had a conflict because more than one person wanted to be around me at the same time. Not entirely the same thing, but I would say the principle kind of applies.

    As for what kind of excuse "drunk and annoyed" is, I think it's a pretty good reason. I mean, sure, it wasn't good of him to get that way when you guys had plans, but once he was that way would you really have wanted to be around him anyways?
    I don't often have people come over for cuddles and/or other things, so yeah, people don't really cancel on me/I don't have people regularly come over for cuddles or anything like that.

    That is true. They at least cared enough to want to make any plans in the first place. Kind of a more positive look on that I guess. And I know that J really did want to come over. And I know he'll be planning for a different time (sometime later in the week most likely). It does apply, thanks. I've actually done that once too. It was either meet up with my best friend (at the time, we don't speak anymore), or my sister and her bf. Sister and her bf kinda won out.

    Considering he would've probably been coming over in the evening, it was a dumb excuse. He said he was drunk at midday. I think six hours would've been long enough to sober up. I probably would've wanted to be around him for 'other' reasons, to a degree.
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  5. - Top - End - #725
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So this sounds sort of silly, but...I'm realizing I need instructions on how to rest. I have time off, but all I can think of is what's going to go wrong next, or what I should be doing (even if it's really nothing all that important).
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
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  6. - Top - End - #726
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So this sounds sort of silly, but...I'm realizing I need instructions on how to rest. I have time off, but all I can think of is what's going to go wrong next, or what I should be doing (even if it's really nothing all that important).
    It's not really all that silly. We're built for patterns. If the pattern is work-work-work, we'll feel like something's wrong when trying to do otherwise.
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  7. - Top - End - #727
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    It's not really all that silly. We're built for patterns. If the pattern is work-work-work, we'll feel like something's wrong when trying to do otherwise.
    Yeah. I honestly feel like I haven't had any chance to relax for, oh, somewhere between 4 and 6 years now? Always something...
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  8. - Top - End - #728
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Yeah. I honestly feel like I haven't had any chance to relax for, oh, somewhere between 4 and 6 years now? Always something...
    Perhaps if you were to phrase relaxation as a task? Do something specific that's a form of relaxation instead of just trying to relax. This keeps to the pattern of doing while introducing relaxation.
    Avatar by me. It's Incendius Darkscale, a Good Dragonborn Dragon Sorcerer, Demonskin Adept, Prince of Hell, worshiper of the Platinum Dragon (Bahamut), specializing in Fire and Lightning, wielding a staff in each hand.

  9. - Top - End - #729
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    Perhaps if you were to phrase relaxation as a task? Do something specific that's a form of relaxation instead of just trying to relax. This keeps to the pattern of doing while introducing relaxation.
    It's more that I've hit the point where I'm just, you know, bored. There's nothing that I need to be doing. I'm sick of playing games and reading webcomics or light books. I can't find any of my drawing pads and don't want to spend several more hours cleaning so I can. It's to cold and dark out to walk, and I don't have a car to go anywhere. So I end up staring at the computer screen, playing games I've stopped caring about because it's supposed to be "relaxing."
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  10. - Top - End - #730
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    @WarKitty: Have you tried listening to relaxing music in headphones while laying down? Or to read an engaging but funny book? Or to go to a great theater with a group of friends? Or to take actual holidays and do such stuff there?
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  11. - Top - End - #731
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafinius View Post
    @WarKitty: Have you tried listening to relaxing music in headphones while laying down? Or to read an engaging but funny book? Or to go to a great theater with a group of friends? Or to take actual holidays and do such stuff there?
    Biggest problems I'm having here are money and transportation. I simply can't afford to go places. With the holidays everyone else is running around finishing up the semester and then flying out as soon as they can. I can go out on my own but I have to be home by 9 because of the bus schedule, and I have to really watch how much I spend while out. Books are ok but I get tired of those after a while too.

    I want a vacation, but I feel like a vacation should be more than me sitting on my butt all day. Except there seems to be nothing else to do around here that doesn't cost money I don't have.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  12. - Top - End - #732
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    I always find baking or whittling to be something that takes the mind off of the world, focuses it into a task, and can form its own sort of reverie and relaxation. Fat, flour, and sugar are pretty cheap in general after all, and with a mess of those three things you can do a fair bit.

    Sniff around for local community centers and groups that do things like workshops or exercise groups or book clubs or poetry readings or even dance classes? Most of those will make concessions for students, and some even offer some limited amount of financial aid, though how common that is, I don't exactly have the life experience to say.

    There are few things I've found to be more rejuvenating than mastering the fundamentals of west coast swing or really getting into a reading or writing prompt with a group of my like-minded fellows.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2012-12-03 at 11:19 PM.
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  13. - Top - End - #733
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's more that I've hit the point where I'm just, you know, bored. There's nothing that I need to be doing. I'm sick of playing games and reading webcomics or light books. I can't find any of my drawing pads and don't want to spend several more hours cleaning so I can. It's to cold and dark out to walk, and I don't have a car to go anywhere. So I end up staring at the computer screen, playing games I've stopped caring about because it's supposed to be "relaxing."
    Hmm ... there's some stuff i do when games bore me on the computer.

    drills at khan academy . They have a number of subjects including math, science, and economics. They have both videos and exercises. It's been a useful exercise in brushing up my skills.

    There's also crowdsourced science at zooniverse . These are science projects put on the web because the scientists believe they can benefit from the use of untrained volunteers. I transcribe greek papyri at Ancient Lives , but there are other projects which map the lunar surface, hunt planets, listen to whale song , model earth climate, and so on.

    Finally, there's free rice , which is a charity that donates for every correct answer.

    None of these take the place of vacation. But they may help fight boredom and can be more productive than pure recreation, because you can feel like you're making a difference.

    Respectfully,

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  14. - Top - End - #734
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    I know I reach functional highs & lows in a cycle, but it's difficult to say if there's an emotional connection to that or not. Right now, I happen to be coming out of both a functional low and an emotional depression state.

    Normally, the functional highs & lows are unrelated to goings on in my life. They just occur. This changed when my employer in late April 2011 decided they needed 60 hour weeks for 3 months straight. They drained me so fully that I crashed from a good functional high down very low much more quickly than the usual cycle. (I think it's usually a 13-14 month cycle or something like that from the peak of one high to the next.) During this time, I wasn't doing any game playing, which gave me a bit of a backlog. I was also having all my meals from Pizza Hut & McDonald's due to time constraints. I don't know if my diet effects this.

    An unrelated aside: At the end of that 3 months, they gave us swag related to the game we were making. A Sims line pets game... So they gave us spiked collars with the game's logo on the leather and a dangling plumbob in the front. I found it amusing how inadvertently insulting they were to all the devs for choosing this item. I am not with that company anymore.

    In early July, I met my girl and as we got close, that decreased the time it took to get back to a functional high again. At this point, I had done a full cycle less than half the usual time. I had started going through some of my backlog of games, but slowly, as I was spending a lot of time with my girl, who is not a gamer. I also started to expand my diet, which is something I can only do during a high. During a low, I have to force myself to not cut more things out of it.

    In May 2012, she went off to finish school. I had stayed at peak through to this point. I also got most of the way through my gaming backlog over these 2.5 months. Then in July I moved, didn't know anyone yet, and slowly went down to a low again, while making friends & getting used to the area. I completed my backlog and played through a few more new games, which were a little disappointingly bland. There's a certain level of mental engagement that I get from good games that I seem to need, which I haven't really been getting. Also, after moving, the time constraints with working & going to things to meet people were limited my time, so I got lazier about cooking, decreasing my diet a little bit.

    Being away from my girl for so long was also pulling at my happiness level, despite all the Skyping and stuff. Starting early November Skyping became really limited because she ceased to have reliable internet & had to pay for internet through her phone.

    On Friday, I realized that I had been depressed. It's also when Assassin's Creed 3 arrived. My girl returns to me in a week (leaves Saturday, driving across 3 time zones to get here) and I've been playing my new game. I'm certain that I'm re-entering functional high again and leaving depression. Annoyingly, I only seem to know about my lows as I'm leaving them, but I know about the highs while in them.

    She has also gotten very happy & excited to return. Being bipolar, her emotions are very strong & they tend to spill over into me, effecting my emotional state; a connection I have not shared with anyone else before. She's had a lot of trouble being so far from me because of her very tactile nature, so that pushed her towards depression, and while she was often very sad, she did not reach her full type 1 bipolar potential for a depressive state. I did what I could to help her cope with not having me physically there... Skype & phone calls for my face & voice, wear a shirt for an extra day every couple months & send it to her for my scent... A couple visits (Early August I bought her tickets to fly to me & late October I flew to her).

    Going way back in time... at around 3rd grade, I had shut off my emotions for 8 years (like a light switch), then spent 4 slowly turning them back on (like a dimmer switch). I left them at a decently high level, but not all the way up to the volume they used to be on. Being with my girl may have pushed them back up to that level; I'm unsure.

    So yeah, life's good. I wanted to post this somewhere & couldn't think of anywhere else to do so.

    There's still a constant lingering feeling of anxiety that I'm not getting enough done, but that's been there for what feels like forever. I'd feel odd if it went away, honestly. Heh, not having that feeling would probably cause me to have that feeling, because I'd have anxiety about not feeling my usually anxiety.

    I just need to buy some things from the store, get new licence plates (like, 20th try or so), sort through a million papers, consolidate boxes to make more room in the apartment, fix all these issues people reported at work, eat this piece of fruit I brought with me, cook the cupcakes now that she won't be able to eat when she arrives, find my other to do lists, etc...
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2012-12-04 at 06:58 PM.
    Avatar by me. It's Incendius Darkscale, a Good Dragonborn Dragon Sorcerer, Demonskin Adept, Prince of Hell, worshiper of the Platinum Dragon (Bahamut), specializing in Fire and Lightning, wielding a staff in each hand.

  15. - Top - End - #735
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Why do I get ditched a lot? It seems that 80% of the time, except when it's with a really good friend, whenever I try to do something with people, I get ditched, and I really have no idea why.
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  16. - Top - End - #736
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    I'm just another plainly disposable piece of meatware. No value at all.

    Nothing special to me. That's all there is to it. Isolated pieces reduce their value into puzzles.

    Come a few hours, sleep will wash away despair, dreams will solve the dissonance between expectations and reality, and life'll go on for the rugged emotional mercenary... It won't hurt as much, and I'll be fine with dealing with things by myself.

    Still, I wish I was a worthy cause.
    Last edited by Tonal Architect; 2012-12-09 at 12:18 AM.

  17. - Top - End - #737
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyromancer999 View Post
    Why do I get ditched a lot? It seems that 80% of the time, except when it's with a really good friend, whenever I try to do something with people, I get ditched, and I really have no idea why.
    Hmmm ... you do say you have some really good friends, right? I can't really say what's turning people off over the internet. But presumably one of these friends knows you a great deal better and has even gone with you to one of these things. Why not ask them? Maybe have them go along with you so they can see for themselves.

    I'm just another plainly disposable piece of meatware. No value at all.


    Still, I wish I was a worthy cause.
    Says who?

    Ignoring the issue of whether human beings have transcendent value or not due to forum restrictions, "disposable piece of meatware" is a very industrial-age view. Farmers don't consider even meat animals such as pigs disposable. They need to be fattened up and shipped when at prime development. And most of the animals on a farm are not raised purely for their meat value. Horses work, chickens lay eggs, cows give milk. And all of these animals can have additional values for races or shows far beyond their worth as simple meat animals.

    In short, "disposable meatware" isn't even an appropriate attitude towards farm animals, let alone an intelligent human being. "You are worth more than many sparrows", as a wise man once said.

    I've never quite understood why modern society is so keen to reduce the value of human beings to nil. As Lewis said, to take "my God", "my wife", "my dog", and "my boots" -- to make them all mean the same thing as "my boots". To make all human beings disposable interchangeable units of the same value and to dispose of those who don't fit the pattern as "useless, worthless".

    Human beings aren't built that way. Our DNA, our fingerprints, our voice print, the shape of our ears, our gait (the way we walk) -- all of these things are unique . Even our posteriors identify us.

    So ... YOU may see a disposable piece of meatware in the mirror. But when *I* think of you, I think of a one-of-a-kind unique piece of art. One with unique talents and scopes and gifts that aren't exactly the same as anyone else's.


    Respectfully,

    Brian P.
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  18. - Top - End - #738
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    Quote Originally Posted by sharp41 View Post
    Still, I wish I was a worthy cause.
    Quote Originally Posted by pendell View Post
    Says who?
    is it bad that this made me think of that old gag where someone lying on a "professional couch" laments how he sometimes feels like he's invisible and the shrink reacts to it by rising his head and saying "who said that?"
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  19. - Top - End - #739
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    Quote Originally Posted by pendell View Post
    Hmmm ... you do say you have some really good friends, right? I can't really say what's turning people off over the internet. But presumably one of these friends knows you a great deal better and has even gone with you to one of these things. Why not ask them? Maybe have them go along with you so they can see for themselves.
    Well, I have a couple good friends, at least. Basically, here's the list of stuff that people see me as:

    -Weird/Odd
    -Awkward

    Granted, once they get to know me, most people are cool with that, and take care to point out awkward moments so I can try to prevent repeating awkward things I do. And apparently I don't seem as weird when people get to know me. Still, apparently, according to the little feedback I have, the major problem is when I'm like this most of the time:

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    or





    But people see me like this:

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    Still, there are people who hang out with me regardless, despite all that, so I don't really know why people just straight up ditch me, as no one's ever bothered to comment why to me or my friends.
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  20. - Top - End - #740
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Most people don't seem weird when you get to know them - I think you acclimatize to their behaviors over time, so it becomes "Huh, Jim sure is amusing" rather than "Huh, that guy is strange". So look at it like this, then - people who get to know you like you. That's not a half bad thing.

    Perhaps plans simply fall out and this is why you're getting ditched, bad planning. When it happens a lot over a short period of time, it can seem like a conspiracy of intent rather than an accident of faulty long term planning. That's the easy way to look at it (Other people aren't actively avoiding me, they just aren't great at meeting up for things). It saves... brainspace from negative emotions.

    Alternatively, and I mean this in no offensive way, you are doing something that actively scares them off. That's what you seem to be hinting at, right? But the thing is, you also indicate that:
    A) Close friends tell you when you are being "Awkward", so you can avoid doing it again and
    B) You don't want to be awkward, so you do your best to avoid it by asking for feedback.

    That's fantastic. Keep at it.
    So if you are actually doing something, whatever and nebulously vague it might be, hey, you'll pin it down eventually, get feedback, then change. If change is even required, and if the thing you "do" isn't merely someone else having a strong reaction to something because of their own mental maps.

    The thing about human interaction is that it isn't mechanical at the core, so there's no simple formula for not causing awkward - there is probably not one single thing that you do, because any one given thing being done is something someone else probably likes - so you're perhaps merely unlucky with ego friction between people. In which case waiting and weathering works.
    (This isn't a "You are wrong, and will never figure out how to interact with people reliable!" at all! It's a "People are a bit wonky, perhaps the ones you are interacting with are simply missing you because you act in a way that codes differently for them. It'll work out!")

    I've found that double checking plans a bit before tends to help.
    A text or a poke along the lines of: "Hey, how's things? Are we still on for tomorrow?" the day before reminds and also reinforces that you're doing stuff. Saves on ditching.

    Another good trick that helped me a lot was to take a breath and simply tell someone I was with at the time:
    "Hey, I'm trying to be more personable so if I do something you find really weird, could you tell me?". You're already doing that, I think - but the trick is that inviting open criticism (When you stand this close, I feel strange - you stare at people without blinking - that joke was way, way off par) is that it takes some pressure off automatically so people tell you instead of resorting to staying away because they don't want to be awkward.

    But again, they're probably not staying away because they hate you. You seem likable.

    Captain Awkward

    I've found the comment section on Captain Awkward here and the post itself fairly useful. Browse around in any category marked Social Interaction and read what seems appropriate.

    Last thing: When I asked for feedback, did my best to avoid being awkward and wondered why people ditched me I also tended towards assuming responsibility for people ditching me. That is, if something happened, it was solely my fault. Perhaps the reason those 80 % of times are for reasons on their own terms, rather than on you, and trying to claim responsibility for it is simply your own self awareness going overdrive because you were already in a position were you were wondering what you were doing to "cause" people to ditch you.
    That was a lot of "weres".
    In which case the problem is not something you do, but merely accidents of chance.

    Good luck
    -Fibs

  21. - Top - End - #741
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So it's time to email my parents about my taking time off school. Fun.

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  22. - Top - End - #742
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    My leg started hurting again last night. I'm certain it's my somewhat bowed legs. This is a pain that goes away if my legs are bound together tightly, pulling them towards less bowing, but I can't exactly move like that. Still hurt this morning... Still hurts now. Finally took Advil. My girl returns tonight & my place is not yet clean enough for her return. 6 hours until I can leave work. Likely ~5 hours to clean up and maybe eat dinner. I'll skip a meal if necessary to complete my task on time, leg pain or not. I'm hoping the Advil helps.
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  23. - Top - End - #743
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I'm really struggling with how to react to something that happened recently. Let me start by introducing the other two players.

    P: A friend and co-worker.
    M: A mutual friend of P and I.

    So here's the situation. Both P and I work at a local theater. We have Skyfall running right now, and I have mentioned several times that I'd like to go see it with someone, not liking to go to movies by myself very much. P never mentioned any real desire to go, and our schedules never really matched up anyways. Well, come Monday, I find out that he's taking M to go see Skyfall. Now, the specific showtime they went was impossible for me to attend, but they spent practically the whole day together before that, skipping over at least one other showtime that I could have attended. Neither said anything to me about it. So right now I'm feeling hurt and left out. This is actually something that's been happening a lot. P and M hanging out. Every time I ask M if she can hang out, she's busy with schoolwork, etc. So my only conclusion is that M does not, in fact, like me, despite her saying the opposite. Which actually hurts a lot more, especially since I can't see any reason for it.

    So am I having a reasonable reaction? What am I supposed to do about it?
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  24. - Top - End - #744
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    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    P & M could have been going on a date or something, y'know. That would mean they would have wanted to be on their own.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    P & M could have been going on a date or something, y'know. That would mean they would have wanted to be on their own.
    Seconded. Also, maybe one likes the other and is trying to get to know them better or something. Another possibility, short of dating and the like, is that M is legitimately busy with schoolwork and the like. Something like this isn't unusual, where someone wants to take a break from schoolwork, but is so busy that they can only do certain times.

    Another thing which I've had to learn that may also apply here is that just because your friends are hanging out does not necessarily mean they have to invite you. It's not that they dislike you, but some people don't like to hang out with all or most of their friends every time they get together.

    Overall point being: Nothing to worry about. It doesn't seem like your friends had any bad intentions in not inviting you to see a movie with them. Best thing would be to shrug it off and be like, "You went to see a movie? I totally want to see a movie too! We should go see another one sometime soon!", assuring that you can go see a film with them, even if it's not Skyfall.
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  26. - Top - End - #746
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    So it's time to email my parents about my taking time off school. Fun.

    imgonnadie
    Go get 'em!

    My leg started hurting again last night. I'm certain it's my somewhat bowed legs. This is a pain that goes away if my legs are bound together tightly, pulling them towards less bowing, but I can't exactly move like that. Still hurt this morning... Still hurts now. Finally took Advil. My girl returns tonight & my place is not yet clean enough for her return. 6 hours until I can leave work. Likely ~5 hours to clean up and maybe eat dinner. I'll skip a meal if necessary to complete my task on time, leg pain or not. I'm hoping the Advil helps.
    Cleaning up despite the pain? That's true love.

    Prayers for both of you.

    Respectfully,

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  27. - Top - End - #747
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    P & M could have been going on a date or something, y'know. That would mean they would have wanted to be on their own.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pyromancer999 View Post
    Seconded. Also, maybe one likes the other and is trying to get to know them better or something. Another possibility, short of dating and the like, is that M is legitimately busy with schoolwork and the like. Something like this isn't unusual, where someone wants to take a break from schoolwork, but is so busy that they can only do certain times.

    Another thing which I've had to learn that may also apply here is that just because your friends are hanging out does not necessarily mean they have to invite you. It's not that they dislike you, but some people don't like to hang out with all or most of their friends every time they get together.

    Overall point being: Nothing to worry about. It doesn't seem like your friends had any bad intentions in not inviting you to see a movie with them. Best thing would be to shrug it off and be like, "You went to see a movie? I totally want to see a movie too! We should go see another one sometime soon!", assuring that you can go see a film with them, even if it's not Skyfall.
    Okay, first I should mention that there is no possibility of them dating. P sees M like a sister. Also, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I never really get told about people getting together. And, sure, maybe it's just two people spending some alone time together, but am I really being unrealistic in wanting that kind of thing for me? Am I horrible for wanting to be wanted? Is it a bad thing to want people to want to be around me? It really feels like a lot of the people I know don't desire to be around me. Even as they call themselves my friends.
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  28. - Top - End - #748
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    Okay, first I should mention that there is no possibility of them dating. P sees M like a sister. Also, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I never really get told about people getting together. And, sure, maybe it's just two people spending some alone time together, but am I really being unrealistic in wanting that kind of thing for me? Am I horrible for wanting to be wanted? Is it a bad thing to want people to want to be around me? It really feels like a lot of the people I know don't desire to be around me. Even as they call themselves my friends.
    Its not horrible to be wanted. However, if you feel this is happening often some introspection is needed. Firstly, is it not just confirmation bias? You notice these particular events and find them hurtful thus future events just keep re-confirming the theory there is something wrong? While at the same time not recalling the times when you do go out with friends and like.

    Next, you need to look to your own behavior. Is there something you might be doing or a way you may be acting that is pushing people away? Are there common behaviors you have with different groups of people that all seem to cause them to not want to be around you? Most people don't like conflict and its easier to ignore someone than to come out and say something like "we don't want you coming because you're annoying when you do X". Most people will not be that blunt in which case it needs to fall onto you to try and determine if in fact something you're doing might be alienating people. You could also directly ask them if you're doing something wrong but this generally leads either to conflict or people lying to avoid hurting your feelings. Asking a third party or closer friend could work better.

  29. - Top - End - #749
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    Its not horrible to be wanted. However, if you feel this is happening often some introspection is needed. Firstly, is it not just confirmation bias? You notice these particular events and find them hurtful thus future events just keep re-confirming the theory there is something wrong? While at the same time not recalling the times when you do go out with friends and like.
    It might be. I do know that 9 times out of 10 my days are spent in my house if I'm not working, and pretty much the only time I see people socially is at club meetings (which, while nice, isn't the same as being invited out or hanging out with people). I rarely see anyone outside of club meetings.

    Next, you need to look to your own behavior. Is there something you might be doing or a way you may be acting that is pushing people away? Are there common behaviors you have with different groups of people that all seem to cause them to not want to be around you? Most people don't like conflict and its easier to ignore someone than to come out and say something like "we don't want you coming because you're annoying when you do X". Most people will not be that blunt in which case it needs to fall onto you to try and determine if in fact something you're doing might be alienating people. You could also directly ask them if you're doing something wrong but this generally leads either to conflict or people lying to avoid hurting your feelings. Asking a third party or closer friend could work better.
    I have and I can't figure it out. The only thing I can think of is that I'm occasionally down (because I'm depressed and have been for a while) and I guess you're not allowed to feel bad and still have friends.
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  30. - Top - End - #750
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    It might be. I do know that 9 times out of 10 my days are spent in my house if I'm not working, and pretty much the only time I see people socially is at club meetings (which, while nice, isn't the same as being invited out or hanging out with people). I rarely see anyone outside of club meetings.

    I have and I can't figure it out. The only thing I can think of is that I'm occasionally down (because I'm depressed and have been for a while) and I guess you're not allowed to feel bad and still have friends.
    Depression is going to exacerbate things here. Clearly trying to find treatment for that should be a priority.

    In terms of hanging out with people, have you tried initiating things yourself? Just waiting to get invited hasn't been working. If you're more introverted its possible you're just being overlooked. Organize a movie thing or something and directly invite people. Other activities (sports or other clubs) are good places to meet people, as is school (if you're still in school).

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