Personal Woes and Advice 2

[WarKitty]

One more word on the homeschooling thing: It's also the case in America that many areas don't offer a choice in the schools or programs that a child gets put into, at least if you can't afford a privately owned school. Frequently students are assigned to a school by geographical location. This often turns out badly for students that are in one way or another outside of the norm, and especially badly for students with multiple differences - the most common problem I've seen being students that are both highly intelligent and disabled. They have the special ed program, and the gifted program, but you can only be in one.

But that brings me to my first experience with the mental health system. I was in first grade (6-7 years old, for the non-Americans here). They were teaching us basic reading, something I'd mastered 2 years beforehand. But no, first grade was when you learned to read. To fully illustrate the idiocy, I was told that I couldn't get the books I wanted out of the school library. No, they were too advanced - I was in first grade, damn it, so I was only allowed to read the basic books.

Simply put, I was bored. There was nothing for me to do, and the school system's response was, essentially, tough luck, this is what we learn in first grade, so shut up and do the work. Somewhat naturally, this led to massive inattentiveness and some acting out on my part. So what happened? I got taken to a psychologist and put on ADHD meds. It didn't work, so they upped the meds. Of course, by this point the meds were producing side effects of anxiety resulting in depression and combativeness, which were handled by - you guessed it - upping the meds some more. It got to the point where I expressed suicidal ideation, which was of course promptly dismissed as a manipulative gesture. It took 3 years for someone to consider that maybe they had the wrong etiology for what was going on and actually take anything I said about how I felt seriously, rather than trying to treat every expression that I had of my own needs and desires.

[The Succubus]

Kitty, I hope you don't mind my asking this, but why do you keep going to these psychologists and therapists if they don't seem to be helping? Is it the same clinic or group that you have to go to? Do you think you could manage without them?

This isn't a judgemental question - I'm just curious.

[WarKitty]

Kitty, I hope you don't mind my asking this, but why do you keep going to these psychologists and therapists if they don't seem to be helping? Is it the same clinic or group that you have to go to? Do you think you could manage without them?

This isn't a judgemental question - I'm just curious.

It's not the same group, though. I've seen distinctly unrelated psychologists and had the same problems with them. The trouble is I keep getting told that they're the experts and I have to see them, but I get this sort of stupidity when I do go.

[Yjama]

The community of this forum never ceases to surprise me... every now and then I find a thread that just makes me smile, due to the fact that simple compassion exists on this forum that is hard to find in other places. I'll probably talk about my own problems here at some later date, but I just wanted to let you all know that you're wonderful, wonderful people for caring enough for this thread to grow so much

[Sholos]

I'm not going to delve too far into this topic, but as somebody who was home-schooled (technically unschooled, though the term did not exist at the time) from the age of ten, I would like to say that this criticism is quite valid, at least from my perspective. I spent my entire teens pretty much removed from regular interaction with people my age, and entered college hopelessly awkward and completely unable to interact with anybody around me. I spoke barely a word to anybody; I didn't even really know how. I didn't make friends with anybody for the first year of college because I creeped everyone out just by showing up; in fact, when the Virginia Tech shootings happened during the tail end of my first semester, it was remarked that I fit the profile better than the shooter, and people sort of gave me a wide(r) berth. I had to re-learn how to interact with somebody in a medium that wasn't chat logs. I'm not saying I missed middle and high school (I understand I missed very little), but it's a valid concern.

I had the opposite situation. I was in regular school my whole childhood and ended up the same way (and still am that way, pretty much).

[pendell]

Been thinking overnight, Dehro, and I have more to say.

Warkitty sez:

But that brings me to my first experience with the mental health system. I was in first grade (6-7 years old, for the non-Americans here). They were teaching us basic reading, something I'd mastered 2 years beforehand. But no, first grade was when you learned to read. To fully illustrate the idiocy, I was told that I couldn't get the books I wanted out of the school library. No, they were too advanced - I was in first grade, damn it, so I was only allowed to read the basic books.

Simply put, I was bored. There was nothing for me to do, and the school system's response was, essentially, tough luck, this is what we learn in first grade, so shut up and do the work. Somewhat naturally, this led to massive inattentiveness and some acting out on my part. So what happened? I got taken to a psychologist and put on ADHD meds.

This was pretty much my situation as well, with adjustment difficulties and abuse thrown in.

Fundamentally, I couldn't follow the path you were on, Dehro, because I wasn't a normal child. Normal children don't get invited to attend university at age 10. (My parents forced me to decline, and it is something I found quite hard to forgive). At any rate, I went from being a problem student in special ed to a gifted student in the college program, but I never spent any real time as a "normal" student. It was never in the cards for me.

The main switch came when I learned how to stop acting out and how to express my needs, to offer the school system a win-win. When my normal classes were insufficiently challenging, I talked to my parents and together we went to the school to get tougher classes, and I demonstrated that I could handle it. So I got the transfer. I got education more in line with my needs, and the school got a less bored and disruptive student. This is a lesson I applied in college as well, taking challenge exams to get out of required coursework when I needed the time for something else and building independent study courses when none of the offered courses met my needs.

I learned that no one understood my needs as well as I did, and that if I waited for the school system they'd pigeon hole me with the problem kids on medication, to their detriment and to mine. So I had to step up and make my needs known in a way that was understood, to play the game by their rules, and so bring things to a tolerable conclusion for both of us.

So I couldn't do what you did. It simply didn't work, never could work. I understood my needs and they did not. So it was up to me to express those needs and see that they were met, not simply wait for them to figure it out. They didn't. And why should they? If I won't stand up for myself, who should I expect to do it for me?

I hate to say this, but I think part of the difference between Warkitty and I is that I am male, and was raised to be someone obnoxious and stubborn. Girls in our society are raised to be complaint and do what they're told. But when you're as bright as Warkitty and I are, we can't fit those molds because the normal expectations of human society simply don't fit. We're too far outside the standard molds.

So we either learn to take control of our destinies and carve out our own niche in society, or we wind up giggling idiots on medication strong enough to turn a horse toes up. Because larger society doesn't care about us fulfilling our potential. All it cares about is that we are No Trouble. And the easiest way to do that is NOT to take the time to understand us, but simply to stick us with meds to make us compliant. That's why Ritalin is heavily over-prescribed .

At any rate, I was able to escape from this situation and carve out a successful life. I believe Warkitty has the same potential and can do so as well. I only hope she can waste less of her potential than I have.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[WarKitty]

stuff

I think...the biggest difference I've found in our experiences is the extent to which people are willing to use violence and coercion to make you conform. And unfortunately reporting or complaining about it often puts you into the Not Behaving category.

Some of this is sex linked. I've hit not only my share of sexual harassment and abuse, but a shocking amount of apology for the same. Stuff ranging from "what, can't you take a compliment?" to "you see, men have certain expectations of a woman..." . Unfortunately this is all coupled with a heavy attitude of, if anything does happen, it's your problem to deal with. Despite the fact that there is absolutely nothing whatsoever that you could do, or that the few things you could do are absolutely outrageous expectations.

The nasty part is that, of course, speaking up for yourself or expressing that the current program is not meeting your needs makes you Not Nice. That's the flip side of socialization - people are quick to let you know if you break it. You're always too young, too female, too something to possibly know anything about your own needs. Even if that means trying to force you to keep going through flashbacks, or even repeatedly triggering them. Because obviously someone else knows what you need better than you do, and if you would just shut up and stop being so difficult and let them do it, there wouldn't be a problem. Same thing with mental health treatment - not immediately accepting whatever is offered makes you uncooperative and difficult, even if you have a solid reason not to (like, say, not being able to make the month's rent if you do). Not that anyone even heard more than the first two words of what you said anyways; in my experience the minute people figure out that you're not doing it their way every thing you say might as well be "blah blah blah." Assuming they didn't actually talk right over you, which happens about half the time.

[dehro]

if I'd known that learning to read early was going to lead into trouble, I wouldn't have bothered with it.. luckily most people didn't notice or made a fuss about it.
also, luckily, or not, I'm not sure, that was my only "growing spurt", education-wise.

all in all I'm quite happy to be rather average in many respects, when I read what you guys have gone through.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

I feel like I've burned all my RPing bridges here, and don't deserve to join PbPs.

[Jib]

In what way have you burned your bridges my good top-hatted sir?

[Archpaladin Zousha]

By dropping out of games, asking for games and not being willing to GM them myself and when I actually TRY to GM games, they always fall apart. I feel like I've gotten a reputation here:

"Don't play with Zousha. He's too demanding and unreliable."

I feel like any time I try to PbP, I end up letting everyone else down, either by announcing that I'm dropping out because I can't keep up or I cause the game to die because I'm not posting enough, and then they talk about me behind my back and I'm no longer welcome there. I'm afraid to go on Plothook or RPGnet because I feel like I can't create characters to their standards, or can't play what I want to play because I came into the recruiting late and the classes or concepts I want to play are already being played by someone else. That the only way to guarantee I get to play what I want to play is to run the game myself, but then I can't play at all because GMPCs just make a mess of things. And when I try to run things, I ruin them and gain an even worse reputation for being a bad GM. And that I've done it so many times that I've used up any "forgiveness points" I might have had with people. So I end up being afraid to try and join games here, because my reputation precedes me and that makes people not want to play with me.

[Jib]

Keep an eye on games and if you see one of mine come up, try it. I will be happy to give you a swing.

[dehro]

I'm pretty sure that you can't possibly have gone through the entire crowd that hangs around on the gaming boards here.

[Morbis Meh]

I feel like I've burned all my RPing bridges here, and don't deserve to join PbPs.

I enjoy playing with you... As for leaving games, well I have done it a few times, not because I couldn't keep up just because I didn't mesh well with the group or didn't enjoy the style of game the DM/GM was running. It happens and if they hold it against you well then they're hypocrites because I am more than sure that the majority of the people on this board have back out of at least one game for a reason. In response for the running of games and having them fall apart, that is standard for pbp games they have a very limited shelf life (on the rare occassion you get one that lasts, I am a lucky person in that regard huzzah for LD and his great DMing ways!).

In conclusion don't despair!

[Grinner]

I feel like I've burned all my RPing bridges here, and don't deserve to join PbPs.

PbP Rule #1 - It will fail, regardless of circumstances.

I once saw a guy here post his total PbP games. Out of 56 games, only one lasted longer than a year.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

I'm pretty sure that you can't possibly have gone through the entire crowd that hangs around on the gaming boards here.

I haven't, that's true, but I have a limited catalog of games that I've played. There's a ton of recruitings for games that I just don't want to play in the first place, so I tend to find myself in threads with the same sorts of people. There's a very limited crowd that wants to play Pathfinder Adventure Paths.

I suppose part of it is my belief that people are constantly talking about me behind my back while smiling to my face. That if I make one mistake or misstep, people won't forgive or forget it. People at work tell me I'm doing fine, I think I'm about to be fired. People say I did well on my driver's exam, even though I didn't pass, I think they're thinking "He hasn't got a driver's license and he's 24? What's wrong with him?!"

[scurv]

My disability claim is now at the office of personal management and has been forwarded to the disability group in washington, wish me luck people.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Good luck.

[Thattaman]

I haven't, that's true, but I have a limited catalog of games that I've played. There's a ton of recruitings for games that I just don't want to play in the first place, so I tend to find myself in threads with the same sorts of people. There's a very limited crowd that wants to play Pathfinder Adventure Paths.

I suppose part of it is my belief that people are constantly talking about me behind my back while smiling to my face. That if I make one mistake or misstep, people won't forgive or forget it. People at work tell me I'm doing fine, I think I'm about to be fired. People say I did well on my driver's exam, even though I didn't pass, I think they're thinking "He hasn't got a driver's license and he's 24? What's wrong with him?!"

In my experience, I've found that a lot of people want to play in Pathfinder APs, from what I've seen from a couple of games with you, you haven't dropped out for no reason and you've RPed well, so I see no reason why anyone should hold it against you, I've backed out of my fair share of games but try not to think that anyone will change their view of you.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Of all the people here I let down, I feel like I let you down the most, Thattaman. When I bowed out of Varisian Superstars I felt like I was betraying you after I promised to run Jade Regent and had shown so much enthusiasm for the idea.

[Mindfreak]

So...
Yesterday I was yelled at by my semi-friend(I say semi because she owns the card shop I go to and she's a generally nice person) because of drama that had been happening. She chewed me out majorly because this one awesome friend of mine had been getting a bit cocky over his success in card games...so one of my other friends called him out on it. Basically, the kid is now taking a break from Magic. So last night at my Friday Night Magic, I said: Yeah, it's too bad Mitch isn't here, he-" and was cut off by the owner who proceeded to yell at me saying that "drama killed Pokemon. Drama's killing Kaijudo, and now drama's creeping into my magic. I'm sick of this f*****g drama. It's killing my business!"
I was going to continue my own sentence with: he said he could get me the stuff I needed for my deck, but I guess that doesn't matter...
Previously on Wedsnday, I had dropped out of a Kaijudo Tournament because of the player named Andrew...we used to be friends, now we're not. That's a different story. Anyways, he was talking bad about one of my friends and made me quite angry, so I dropped from the tournament and left.
And now I'm sitting here, thinking I need a break from card games because I'm the one causing all this drama.

[Thattaman]

Of all the people here I let down, I feel like I let you down the most, Thattaman. When I bowed out of Varisian Superstars I felt like I was betraying you after I promised to run Jade Regent and had shown so much enthusiasm for the idea.

I don't feel let down at all, and if you have the time, you're always welcome to come back. We've started CotCT now and will do Second Darkness soon. You had your reasons and couldn't commit, that's fair.

[Form]

So, jaaaay, I got threatened with violence in my home. In spite of being calm, diplomatic and reasonable. Wonderful.

[WarKitty]

So, jaaaay, I got threatened with violence in my home. In spite of being calm, diplomatic and reasonable. Wonderful.

Are you ok? Do you think it's a credible threat?

[Form]

Are you ok? Do you think it's a credible threat?

I don't know, but it's still there and I'm already acting differently than normally because of it. I intend to take steps (informing the relevant people and authorities) to deal with it, but I am worried how that will be received and whether that'll make things worse.

But I don't want to be made a prisoner in my own house and I don't want to be forced out because of threats by someone who shouldn't even be here. Assuming I don't chicken out, I refuse to abide such behaviour and will address it as the law allows.

[Pyromancer999]

So...
Yesterday I was yelled at by my semi-friend(I say semi because she owns the card shop I go to and she's a generally nice person) because of drama that had been happening. She chewed me out majorly because this one awesome friend of mine had been getting a bit cocky over his success in card games...so one of my other friends called him out on it. Basically, the kid is now taking a break from Magic. So last night at my Friday Night Magic, I said: Yeah, it's too bad Mitch isn't here, he-" and was cut off by the owner who proceeded to yell at me saying that "drama killed Pokemon. Drama's killing Kaijudo, and now drama's creeping into my magic. I'm sick of this f*****g drama. It's killing my business!"
I was going to continue my own sentence with: he said he could get me the stuff I needed for my deck, but I guess that doesn't matter...
Previously on Wedsnday, I had dropped out of a Kaijudo Tournament because of the player named Andrew...we used to be friends, now we're not. That's a different story. Anyways, he was talking bad about one of my friends and made me quite angry, so I dropped from the tournament and left.
And now I'm sitting here, thinking I need a break from card games because I'm the one causing all this drama.

I don't think that you are necessarily causing as much drama as you think you are. For the shopkeeper's outburst, it looks like the shopkeeper would've done the same for any mention of your friend's name, so you should just remember to not bring up anything or anyone that might be a sensitive subject for that person.

As for the Kaijudo tournament, it seems like you sort of did the right thing, which is getting away from the person who was causing you aggravation, but you did so in a manner that does seem to be dramatic. Next time something like this happens, just do your best to not respond to a person saying bad stuff, and excuse yourself at another point between games.

So, you're not causing as much drama as you think you are, just pay more attention to what you do in the future.

[WarKitty]

I don't know, but it's still there and I'm already acting differently than normally because of it. I intend to take steps (informing the relevant people and authorities) to deal with it, but I am worried how that will be received and whether that'll make things worse.

But I don't want to be made a prisoner in my own house and I don't want to be forced out because of threats by someone who shouldn't even be here. Assuming I don't chicken out, I refuse to abide such behaviour and will address it as the law allows.

Get it taken care of and don't get yourself hurt! If you have to leave and then call someone, do so. And document anything you can - even just times and places of threats. It'll make it easier to get the law involved if you need to.

[Castaras]

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I ****ed up my mini-exams this january. 45% and 10%. I'm failing my course again. Knew I ballsed up the second exam but didn't realise I ballsed up the first. No idea how the third one went, but I'm sure it's just as bloody awful, judging by these two.

Don't understand how I keep doing this to myself. Handed in a load of stuff which I'm sure I'm going to fail too for modules.

Talking to the accessibility people. I feel like I'm giving up by doing so. I can't fail a second first year. Don't think I could cope with that.

Can't leave today either to gather myself and stop crying. Still gotta be here 'til 5.

I need help. And to just get away from everything. this is the third time i've broken down over the past week.

[Pyromancer999]

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I ****ed up my mini-exams this january. 45% and 10%. I'm failing my course again. Knew I ballsed up the second exam but didn't realise I ballsed up the first. No idea how the third one went, but I'm sure it's just as bloody awful, judging by these two.

Don't understand how I keep doing this to myself. Handed in a load of stuff which I'm sure I'm going to fail too for modules.

Talking to the accessibility people. I feel like I'm giving up by doing so. I can't fail a second first year. Don't think I could cope with that.

Can't leave today either to gather myself and stop crying. Still gotta be here 'til 5.

I need help. And to just get away from everything. this is the third time i've broken down over the past week.

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Sounds like a bad situation. Still, even if you've not done so well on your first two exams, does not necessarily mean you've done badly on the rest. Nothing's quite determined until you actually see the results.

Also sounds like you need to take a break from all this. Are there any friends you can contact to hang out with or talk to?

Other than that, I can't do much other than wish you good luck on the results for the rest of your exams, and my inbox is open if you need an ear.

[ForzaFiori]

I feel like I've burned all my RPing bridges here, and don't deserve to join PbPs.

By dropping out of games, asking for games and not being willing to GM them myself and when I actually TRY to GM games, they always fall apart. I feel like I've gotten a reputation here:

"Don't play with Zousha. He's too demanding and unreliable."

I feel like any time I try to PbP, I end up letting everyone else down, either by announcing that I'm dropping out because I can't keep up or I cause the game to die because I'm not posting enough, and then they talk about me behind my back and I'm no longer welcome there. I'm afraid to go on Plothook or RPGnet because I feel like I can't create characters to their standards, or can't play what I want to play because I came into the recruiting late and the classes or concepts I want to play are already being played by someone else. That the only way to guarantee I get to play what I want to play is to run the game myself, but then I can't play at all because GMPCs just make a mess of things. And when I try to run things, I ruin them and gain an even worse reputation for being a bad GM. And that I've done it so many times that I've used up any "forgiveness points" I might have had with people. So I end up being afraid to try and join games here, because my reputation precedes me and that makes people not want to play with me.

I haven't, that's true, but I have a limited catalog of games that I've played. There's a ton of recruitings for games that I just don't want to play in the first place, so I tend to find myself in threads with the same sorts of people. There's a very limited crowd that wants to play Pathfinder Adventure Paths.

I suppose part of it is my belief that people are constantly talking about me behind my back while smiling to my face. That if I make one mistake or misstep, people won't forgive or forget it. People at work tell me I'm doing fine, I think I'm about to be fired. People say I did well on my driver's exam, even though I didn't pass, I think they're thinking "He hasn't got a driver's license and he's 24? What's wrong with him?!"

From the top down:
PbP is here specifically for those of us who, for one reason or another, can't play IRL.

Everyone drops games. I myself have a nasty habit of signing up for more than I can handle when I'm on break, and having to drop several when classes come back. I'm pretty sure everyone on the board understands when people drop - Yet again, PbP is here for you. Finding a replacement is fairly simple, so it isn't a big deal if someone leaves.

I recently saw a study (I linked to it from Cracked, actually) where they showed fairly definitively that people don't care about your screw ups as much as most people thing. On the flip side, they don't care about your successes as much either - everyone sees their self in the spotlight, which means that everyone is actually focused on them, not you.

Not having a DL at 24 isn't that bad. My sister is 25, and still doesn't have one. Heck, one of my prof's doesn't have one, and he's in his early 40's probably.

PbP Rule #1 - It will fail, regardless of circumstances.

I once saw a guy here post his total PbP games. Out of 56 games, only one lasted longer than a year.

This. I've had slightly better luck, but in the time I've been here, I've had all of 1 game finish. I can't even count all the ones that have just died, for one reason or another.

And, my own personal woes:

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so, I have several things in my life that have just been piling up and making me feel like crap. My college fund is dry, meaning no more money for my last 2 semester of college, and my dreams of studying abroad are almost certainly gone. My job (if it can be called that) pays me all of $100/2 weeks, which isn't even enough for gas and food, and I can't get a better one cause of classes. I know I'm not together enough to have a full or even a real part time job AND class. I can't seem to stop failing miserably when it comes to girls. I've had 2 years of nothing but rejection, and when I finally found a chick who I really like and I thought likes me back, she only does FWB, and I'm smart enough to know that I'm way to jealous for that. I've displaced a disc in my back, and have 2 months of physical therapy to pay for. It's only $20-30 a week, but as I pointed out above, that's 50% of my weekly income, that already barely covers everything. And if that wasn't good enough, my roommate, who moved in after destroying every other chance he had in life, has been thriving despite his sheer idiocy. He's been dating my ex (which is a WHOLE 'nother barrel of apples) for going on 3 years (and even if he wasn't, he has every chick he ever meets crawling all over him within seconds), is working almost full time and going to school, has several guaranteed promotions when he graduates, all despite the fact that never once have I ever seen him give a damn about anything other than himself. He's an ass to his gf, he blows money left and right but always seems to have more, I've never seen him do a single assignment for school, but he's doing fine. He's an ass to everyone, but somehow, his work loves him and keeps giving him raises and trying to promote him.

I thought that getting into my last year at college, I'd be MORE independent than my first semester, not less. I feel like i'm struggling just to tread water, while my roommate can apparently beat Michael Phelps in a race his first time jumping in water.