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  1. - Top - End - #841
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Form View Post
    I don't know, but it's still there and I'm already acting differently than normally because of it. I intend to take steps (informing the relevant people and authorities) to deal with it, but I am worried how that will be received and whether that'll make things worse.

    But I don't want to be made a prisoner in my own house and I don't want to be forced out because of threats by someone who shouldn't even be here. Assuming I don't chicken out, I refuse to abide such behaviour and will address it as the law allows.
    I don't quite have enough information to give any sensible advice. However, if the threath is in any way credible, you should allert authorities and tell about it to your loved ones, to make sure that should anything happen, people know what and who to look for and are able to deal with it swiftly, possibly before things escalate too much.
    when you say "in your own house" is it in a "I know where you live" way, is it a room-mate, a relative?.. very different situations, all considered.
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  2. - Top - End - #842
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    Form's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    I don't quite have enough information to give any sensible advice. However, if the threath is in any way credible, you should allert authorities and tell about it to your loved ones, to make sure that should anything happen, people know what and who to look for and are able to deal with it swiftly, possibly before things escalate too much.
    when you say "in your own house" is it in a "I know where you live" way, is it a room-mate, a relative?.. very different situations, all considered.
    When I say in my own home, I really do mean in my own home. By someone who shouldn't even be there, should never have been there and is staying in the building illegally (and was brought in by another tenant without prior knowledge and consent of the other tenants).

    Already informed the police and told several people about the situation. I also intend to file a complaint against the tenant in question, whom I'm holding indirectly responsible, and see if I can get the other tenants to do so as well.
    Last edited by Form; 2013-01-22 at 06:30 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #843
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    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyromancer999 View Post
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    Sounds like a bad situation. Still, even if you've not done so well on your first two exams, does not necessarily mean you've done badly on the rest. Nothing's quite determined until you actually see the results.

    Also sounds like you need to take a break from all this. Are there any friends you can contact to hang out with or talk to?

    Other than that, I can't do much other than wish you good luck on the results for the rest of your exams, and my inbox is open if you need an ear.

    Ended up spending time with my boyfriend and gaming society, then the next day 3 of us went to do some retail therapy. Helped a lot.

    The past few days there's also been some updates to the situation which are good.

    My seminar results are exceedingly good compared to my exam ones (barely a pass and a fail compared to 3 very strong firsts). Mentioned this to the accessibility lady and she thinks I have anxiety issues. Which also solves the issue of why I faint every so often - I get triggered by terror and worry, and end up collapsing.

    And as I write this, I'm remembering other situations where I had dizziness and fainting which I forgot at the meeting. Seems to be a smoking gun. Issue now is to try and control it and work out what the triggers are for my various panics.

    Things are moving forward though, so while I'll say things aren't great when it comes to this, there's things being done about it to help.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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  4. - Top - End - #844
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    Ended up spending time with my boyfriend and gaming society, then the next day 3 of us went to do some retail therapy. Helped a lot.

    The past few days there's also been some updates to the situation which are good.

    My seminar results are exceedingly good compared to my exam ones (barely a pass and a fail compared to 3 very strong firsts). Mentioned this to the accessibility lady and she thinks I have anxiety issues. Which also solves the issue of why I faint every so often - I get triggered by terror and worry, and end up collapsing.

    And as I write this, I'm remembering other situations where I had dizziness and fainting which I forgot at the meeting. Seems to be a smoking gun. Issue now is to try and control it and work out what the triggers are for my various panics.

    Things are moving forward though, so while I'll say things aren't great when it comes to this, there's things being done about it to help.
    Glad to hear you managed some release, and have an idea of what a longer-term fix might entail. Hopefully the accessibility lady gave you some ideas/options on how to pursue a longer-term solution; if not, ask her for some.
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  5. - Top - End - #845
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Alright, playground, I could use some practical help here. Specifically, I'm trying to put myself on a schedule of getting one important thing done a day. Tomorrow's thing is getting my unemployment application in. Sunday's thing is the counselor's office. Monday's thing is the dentist. Tuesdays is the stupid financial aid appeal.

    Playgrounders, you hereby have my permission to nag, harass, and otherwise bother me about getting these done. Half of you can find me on facebook in any case.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
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  6. - Top - End - #846
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Alright, playground, I could use some practical help here. Specifically, I'm trying to put myself on a schedule of getting one important thing done a day. Tomorrow's thing is getting my unemployment application in. Sunday's thing is the counselor's office. Monday's thing is the dentist. Tuesdays is the stupid financial aid appeal.

    Playgrounders, you hereby have my permission to nag, harass, and otherwise bother me about getting these done. Half of you can find me on facebook in any case.
    Wait, someone actually *wants* me to annoy and bug the crap out of them?
    I was born for this task.

  7. - Top - End - #847
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    And of course I left the papers I needed for my application in the office. Won't be able to do it until monday.
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  8. - Top - End - #848
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    Ya know, I was just listening to Mom ask me if I know who my brother's girlfriend of four months (who has been over a few times and written her name onto his truck) is, and tell me not to be a jerk to her (even though I've met her before and was perfectly nice then) because some of his girlfriends "might've cried if I'd stared at them enough" which by her own admission wasn't even applicable to this girlfriend... and I realized I have something I want to get off of my chest.

    My parents are jerks.

    Especially Dad.

    And I think it's time I rant about the stupid **** that I remember - In a Declaration-style list.

    -Dad attempted to help me deal with bullies by doing exactly what the bullies were doing so that I would 'get used to it'. And then had the gall to be pissed when I told him to **** off when he actually did try it.

    -Dad assigns me tasks (repeatedly) that I have no way of properly doing, no knowledge that would make me suited to the task, and sits there, waiting for me to fail, so he can either swoop in and either pretend to be the big damn hero or act like he has the right to be pissed off about it. It almost makes sense when it's something we've done it repeatedly (starting lawn tools, for instance, which always leaves me in tears because I can never start them and get yelled at for not doing anything for too long)

    -Some quotes from dear old dad:
    • "[HalfTangible] is a mass murderer waiting to happen." Which would've been bad enough if he'd been joking. Granted, I had made a joke about the title of a murder novel, but he knew what I was joking about and who the **** says that about their own kid?
    • "You have no talent whatsoever." in response to a shirt that had the phrase "Sarcasm: just one of my many talents" written on it. I'm just gonna assume you know why that's a problem and move on. (Admittedly this was a joke, but he didn't treat it like one and didn't even try to explain it or apologize when I reacted badly)
    • "Knowing [HT] he'll only do a third of the work." Which I would take as genuine criticism if he didn't also juxtapose that with his own 'heartfelt' speeches about how I'm a hard worker. Often within the same friggen day.


    -You know those characters that you can never empathize with because they're always angry? That's dad. The man is always a hair-trigger away from exploding in a rage. I was utterly petrified of him for years because I can never tell what I will say or do wrong that will set him off.

    -He thinks laziness is a cardinal sin and treats mom as if she's lazy... when she does about 70% of the housework and grocery shopping (when she could just be asking me or bro to do it) and has a leg that she's been limping on since a car crash when she was in her twenties. And when I or anyone else calls him out on it, he takes it about as well as the previous point would have you believe.

    -He will tell jokes that probably shouldn't be made ("Come any closer and I'll stab you" [yes, that is an actual example] and expect us to laugh... and then when any of us tell those same jokes, he'll flip out and act pissed that we would make such a joke.

    And this is just the really bad stuff that I remember.

    EDIT: 5/30/2013: I've decided to keep this a running list and show it to dad some time. Today, while we were mowing the lawn (which, as I've said before, I hate doing with him, in part because it's a miserable experience but also because it's a vanity project of his that occurs far too often) he actually got pissed because I couldn't tell what I'd missed, because I took too long to empty grass, and because at one point I didn't say anything. He told me that he thought we could let what little grass and leaves remained drain into the sewer. I grunted in agreement, he got pissed and told me to brush up what was left myself, threw down the broom and left.

    7/26/2013: Not doing a great job of regular updates on this ****, am I? So, today I started to mow the lawn in the evening. I was told to get it done today, so I started to. Dad comes home, decides that doing it as he gets there isn't good enough, and decides to yell at me, bro AND mom for MY MISTAKE. No, not even that, it wasn't a mistake, I just ****ing failed to meet his idiotic expectations yet again and of course he's pissed. So then he claims it's my fault that he has to join in and mow (even though I said i'd do it alone) and that he's justified in yelling his head off at everyone in the house. Despite the fact that I did exactly as the ****er asked. Bad enough I get yelled at for doing nothing wrong, but he blames Mom and Chewy for it too? No, **** that.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2013-07-26 at 08:43 PM.
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  9. - Top - End - #849
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    HalfTangible,

    That sounds rough. Real rough. I wish I knew what to say about that.

    @ Playgrounders

    Wasn't quite sure whether to put this here or where, but quick question for you all. Any of you have experience searching for roommates? I've currently signed up on several sites (just today), and figured I'd ask if any of you have experience with any sites?
    homebrew

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  10. - Top - End - #850
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by bindin garoth View Post
    HalfTangible,

    That sounds rough. Real rough. I wish I knew what to say about that.

    @ Playgrounders

    Wasn't quite sure whether to put this here or where, but quick question for you all. Any of you have experience searching for roommates? I've currently signed up on several sites (just today), and figured I'd ask if any of you have experience with any sites?
    You wouldn't happen to be looking in Philadelphia would you? XD Currently looking for one.
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  11. - Top - End - #851
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
     
    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Getting more and more ratty and pissed off at everything. Small things that shouldn't be pissing me off are - someone pointing out that a different person's suggestions came too late, my Dystopian Wars wargaming, sitting in a room at gamesoc... I always end up feeling completely drained after a day.

    Not sure why it's all happening like this - I'm doing the work, I'm sleeping more, I'm doing fun things after the work. Losing motivation for things still. Things aren't too bad for me what with having someone warm to cuddle at night, I'm dealing better with work now, I'm having fun when I'm doing my gamesoc stuff.

    But still feel like I'm stuck in a black mood whenever I pause for even a second. It's annoying, I like being happy. And for some reason I can't seem to stay that way for long.

    Updates with regards to previous things - still no exam results back yet for my other assessments and exam. Still no letter back from the hospital - no news is good news and all that jazz. Lady at accessibility thinks I'm having anxiety issues, which if it's true, explains a helluvalot of things over my life, from fainting due to medical stuff to panic attacks. I'm kinda scared that I'm falling into depression. Having seen what it does to a very close friend of mine and the people around her, really don't want that to happen to me. Don't think I am.

    Grggh. I'm impressed I managed to concentrate on this long enough to write it. Woo.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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  12. - Top - End - #852
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    @HalfTangible:

    Edit:
    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    *snip*
    Might I suggest taking a breather?

    I'm dealing with a massive balancing act of social, personal, and financial issues right now, and I've found that taking a day to watch a lighthearted movie or two and to collect my thoughts helps put things in perspective.
    Last edited by Grinner; 2013-01-29 at 08:32 AM.

  13. - Top - End - #853
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    But still feel like I'm stuck in a black mood whenever I pause for even a second. It's annoying, I like being happy. And for some reason I can't seem to stay that way for long.
    I think this is the really important bit here and definitely something you should mention to your assistance person. We often speak of "keeping ourselves busy" when we're down, to take our mind off things but if you do it for too long, you're going to burn yourself out, no matter how much sleep, etc you have. Even an atomic Pinkie Pie needs to stop from time to time.

    The other thing that springs to mind is that while depression almost always has a strong mental component to it, which I think you've pinpointed as being exam worries, it might be a partially chemical thing as well. Have you changed any of your medications recently or dietary shifts? The other thing that springs to mind (and was actually nibbling myself recently) was a severe lack of Vitamin D, which can happen if you spend the majority of your time in a lecture theatre or audiology booth. A friend of mine in Sweden noticed quite a big stablisation in his mood after taking supplements for a few weeks.

    Just a couple of suggestions for you to think on.

    Oh, and *squeezy hugs* of course.

  14. - Top - End - #854
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    @Halftangible: As a fellow child of a Crap Dad*, I can sympathise. It does get easier once you're no longer part of the household environment or just away from them (I had very little contact with my dad once my parents split when I was 18 - as neither he nor I have made any real attempt to get in contact with the other), but before you have moved away that's probably not a whole lot of comfort. Best thing you can really do is try and avoid being around them too much really, but of course you'll already know that.






    * particularly poor examples of my dad's behaviour include:
    - accusing me of using/cultivating my depression to spite him
    - responding to my first instance of self-harm (I'd cut two "You are worthless" and "You are nothing" into my arm with a razor as a reminder to myself) with a long lecture on the evils of self-pity and the self-pitying
    - telling my youngest sister to be careful if she didn't want to turn out "as useless as your brother"

  15. - Top - End - #855
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Castaras View Post
    Not sure why it's all happening like this - I'm doing the work, I'm sleeping more, I'm doing fun things after the work. Losing motivation for things still. Things aren't too bad for me what with having someone warm to cuddle at night, I'm dealing better with work now, I'm having fun when I'm doing my gamesoc stuff.

    But still feel like I'm stuck in a black mood whenever I pause for even a second. It's annoying, I like being happy. And for some reason I can't seem to stay that way for long.

    Grggh. I'm impressed I managed to concentrate on this long enough to write it. Woo.
    Curious. Is your black mood directed inward? That's more a reason to do something than if it just is a few weeks of being on edge. You have exams, the medical issues etc all hanging over your head. These things need to be resolved but you can't do anything about them at this point, that situation is an ideal way to create anxiety, frustration, and feelings of powerlessness that can work their way to the surface in the manner you describe. And just for S&G's add the idea that the problems could now feeding a vicious cycle-your stress causing you to be snappy and your snappyness causing more stress. Hope you have someone to vent the big stuff to. . . I'd accomany that with scotch or tea but thats personal choice. There may not be much you can do about it directly but try to let the problem work on itself-try to come up with a list of responses to various exam/medical test combos in your head. Or at least figure out what are the key things who want to make decissions based on if that sort of list building helps you....if it just going to be a place to build new stressors then skip that idea... Get lots of "snuggling" in and try to explain a bit to those you are close to so they know it isn't personal. Even if they know the act of saying so calm allot of nerves from people who want to be supportive but don't like getting snapped at. G'Luck.
    Last edited by sktarq; 2013-01-29 at 07:38 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #856
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    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Grinner View Post
    Might I suggest taking a breather?

    I'm dealing with a massive balancing act of social, personal, and financial issues right now, and I've found that taking a day to watch a lighthearted movie or two and to collect my thoughts helps put things in perspective.
    Unfortunately taking a full breather isn't possible until the weekend, and I have a feeling I'll be doing things this weekend even so. However, I took a breather from everything this afternoon, and sat in a room on my own, in the quiet, doing nothing but sift through magic cards, and that's made me feel a lot calmer in myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    *snip*
    Definitely something I'm going to be mentioning to my assistance person. Supplement-wise, I'm already taking some supplements which I started taking after a talk with accessability. Dunno if they're helping, but it's only been just over a week, so I'm gonna keep taking these for the month I've got and see how I feel at the end of it.

    *hugs back*

    Quote Originally Posted by sktarq View Post
    *snip*
    It partly is directed inwardly, I guess? It's mostly black mood that either is brought on, perpetuated, or caused by thoughts of failing and having to quit university or switch course for a third time. Both of which terrify me. Stress Cycles are a definite thing that happens to me, it's why I've been trying to keep myself up so that I don't end up feeding the cycle.

    Have people I've been talking to - a few close friends I've been opening up to, and when I talk to my parents I will often talk about what's going on. And I've been trying to get the weekly work done to hand in earlier than the day before so that I feel less stressed when actually doing it (less time pressure).

    Thanks for the kind words, people. I love you guys.
    "I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
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  17. - Top - End - #857
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    *snip*
    Wow. You'd do better to have Al Bundy as a dad.

    Err... move? As quick as you can? And when you're no longer dependent on him, tell him that you never want to see him until his funeral?
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  18. - Top - End - #858
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    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I saw an awesome comic that made me think of this thread.

    Source:

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    Anyway - the run up to Valentine's Day is always hard for me and single people in general. I've had a rubbish past few years romantically and each year I hope it'll get better next year and it's not happened.

    Two years ago I had short term successes, but didn't make anything stick. The year after I only had one short relationship with - erm - an error of judgement. I hoped last year would be better but managed to get myself quite badly led on. (Three times - different people...)

    So... here's to a better 2013. Because if it doesn't get better, I don't know how I'll cope.* I swear I just have the worst luck at this sort of thing. (Not sure if that's better or worse than me being the problem...)

    In the meantime though this time of year can feel really hopeless. Motivating myself to keep going out to meet people is hard but I keep doing it because a) once I'm out it's enjoyable and b) I don't want to contemplate the alternative.

    Anyone got any good strategies for when they're feeling lonely?


    * I mean that literally - not in the suicidal way. I'd figure some way of coping but would rather cross that bridge if I come to it.

  19. - Top - End - #859
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I like that comic. Thanks for posting it.
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2013-02-04 at 05:46 PM.
    Avatar by me. It's Incendius Darkscale, a Good Dragonborn Dragon Sorcerer, Demonskin Adept, Prince of Hell, worshiper of the Platinum Dragon (Bahamut), specializing in Fire and Lightning, wielding a staff in each hand.

  20. - Top - End - #860
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capt Spanner View Post
    Anyway - the run up to Valentine's Day is always hard for me and single people in general. I've had a rubbish past few years romantically and each year I hope it'll get better next year and it's not happened.

    Two years ago I had short term successes, but didn't make anything stick. The year after I only had one short relationship with - erm - an error of judgement. I hoped last year would be better but managed to get myself quite badly led on. (Three times - different people...)

    So... here's to a better 2013. Because if it doesn't get better, I don't know how I'll cope.* I swear I just have the worst luck at this sort of thing. (Not sure if that's better or worse than me being the problem...)

    In the meantime though this time of year can feel really hopeless. Motivating myself to keep going out to meet people is hard but I keep doing it because a) once I'm out it's enjoyable and b) I don't want to contemplate the alternative.

    Anyone got any good strategies for when they're feeling lonely?
    I never feel lonely anymore, so I can't really help there. Or with relationships - I've never dated anyone in my life.

    But when I have writer's block, I find it helps to stop taking what you're writing seriously for a while. Just throw something random, silly and stupid down onto the paper. Something that makes you laugh, it doesn't have to be any good.

    Maybe you could try that? Don't try to get a relationship, just go out with somebody and have some fun?

    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    I like that comic. Thanks for posting it.
    Ditto.
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  21. - Top - End - #861
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I hope you don't mind, I reposted it on another board (with the source link, like you did), in a subforum dedicated for depressed people to come make a topic, vent, and possibly receive some help. It's very common to see people considering suicide there, so I thought they could use it.
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2013-02-04 at 05:55 PM.
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  22. - Top - End - #862
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Maybe you could try that? Don't try to get a relationship, just go out with somebody and have some fun?
    Pretty much what I'm doing at the moment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    I hope you don't mind, I reposted it on another board (with the source link, like you did), in a subforum dedicated for depressed people to come make a topic, vent, and possibly receive some help. It's very common to see people considering suicide there, so I thought they could use it.
    Boggle the Owl has lots of good stuff for depression.

    Glad people are enjoying the comic.

  23. - Top - End - #863
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Capt Spanner View Post
    I saw an awesome comic that made me think of this thread.

    Source:

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    I disagree with everything that comic says.

    • A cry for help does NOT mean that you are helpless, nor does it even imply that in the slightest.
    • Needing help does NOT mean that you are helpless.
    • Even the strongest person in the universe needs help from time to time.
    • The phrase, "a cry for help" is really quite accurate. It's a metaphorical scream to everyone around saying "Notice me! I've been strong all this time, but I can't do it alone!"

    "My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy" by rtg0922, Doll and Clint "Rawhide" Eastwood by Sneak

  24. - Top - End - #864
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Rawhide View Post
    I disagree with everything that comic says.

    • A cry for help does NOT mean that you are helpless, nor does it even imply that in the slightest.
    • Needing help does NOT mean that you are helpless.
    • Even the strongest person in the universe needs help from time to time.
    • The phrase, "a cry for help" is really quite accurate. It's a metaphorical scream to everyone around saying "Notice me! I've been strong all this time, but I can't do it alone!"
    That's.... what the comic said? I mean, I'm pretty sure the comic is just objecting to the popular interpretation of a "cry for help" which is kind of negative. When people say, "It's only a cry for help," that implies that a cry for help isn't really serious or is something that's pathetic. The comic is saying that someone actually asking for help is actually doing something awesome.
    Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.

  25. - Top - End - #865
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Sholos View Post
    That's.... what the comic said? I mean, I'm pretty sure the comic is just objecting to the popular interpretation of a "cry for help" which is kind of negative. When people say, "It's only a cry for help," that implies that a cry for help isn't really serious or is something that's pathetic. The comic is saying that someone actually asking for help is actually doing something awesome.
    It's the opposite of what it's saying. It's saying that it isn't a cry for help, when it is.

    "My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy" by rtg0922, Doll and Clint "Rawhide" Eastwood by Sneak

  26. - Top - End - #866
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Rawhide View Post
    It's the opposite of what it's saying. It's saying that it isn't a cry for help, when it is.
    It's saying that it doesn't like the connotation that society puts on the term "cry for help". The way you're interpreting the phrase, while more accurate, is also far more rare.
    Avatar by me. It's Incendius Darkscale, a Good Dragonborn Dragon Sorcerer, Demonskin Adept, Prince of Hell, worshiper of the Platinum Dragon (Bahamut), specializing in Fire and Lightning, wielding a staff in each hand.

  27. - Top - End - #867
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    It's saying that it doesn't like the connotation that society puts on the term "cry for help". The way you're interpreting the phrase, while more accurate, is also far more rare.
    I've never heard it refer to helplessness. Not in the media, not anywhere, certainly not anywhere around here.

    A cry for help means just that, a cry for help. The phrase does not imply helplessness at all. Linking the phrase "a cry for help" to helplessness undermines the whole message.

    "My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy" by rtg0922, Doll and Clint "Rawhide" Eastwood by Sneak

  28. - Top - End - #868
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Rawhide View Post
    I've never heard it refer to helplessness. Not in the media, not anywhere
    That speaks more of your own personal experience. For my part, I haven't seen it used much at all, but when it has in this context it tends to be as a euphemism the more clearly pejorative 'cry for attention'. It's also worth noting that seriously depressed people are very likely to apply it in a negative context to themselves. So in their case "cry for help" becomes "helpless" becomes "pathetic" becomes "worthless".

    A cry for help means just that, a cry for help. The phrase does not imply helplessness at all. Linking the phrase "a cry for help" to helplessness undermines the whole message.
    Consider the term 'attention-seeking'. On that face of it, its literal meaning isn't negative - after all, some problems require and can benefit from receiving attention. In practice however, the term is smothered in negative connotations and is a highly dismissive/pejorative label.

  29. - Top - End - #869
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    In regular usage, cry = tears = pathetic = deserving of pity.

    Yes, that is not the form of cry that is used in that phrase, but the phrase's version of cry has almost been cycled out of the language. "A call for help" would be more accurate nowadays by most people's vocabulary.

    Additionally, needing help = weak = pathetic. Again, this is a societal problem that people think this way, but knowing it's wrong doesn't change the fact that that's how our world works.

    "Oh, the person's crying for help? We should help them out of pity, because we're better off (and therefore better) than they are (because we can take care of ourselves and don't have disorders (mental problems (something is wrong with them, which means they're less of a person and I'd watch my kids/purse/etc extra if they were nearby))), and we can therefore do a better job of helping them than they can, because they're an incomplete person, missing something necessary for thinking right." - How most people think of answering a "cry for help". And that's terrible. This goes for any case of helping those "less fortunate"/"in need"/etc...

    The depression these people have is multiplied by average people's awful misconceptions. Then, when it reaches THEM, it's multiplied for these people by thoughts like "How can this happen to me?! I can't be depressed! I'm normal! I'm a complete person! What have I done to deserve this?" They don't realize how normal it really is, and how complete people who are different from them really are. So they'll bury it & hide it & get worse because they don't realize that it's okay.

    Playgrounders here are not average people. The people here are far nicer & far more tolerant than average people.
    Last edited by Thajocoth; 2013-02-05 at 04:21 AM.
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  30. - Top - End - #870
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Thajocoth View Post
    In regular usage, cry = tears = pathetic = deserving of pity.

    Yes, that is not the form of cry that is used in that phrase, but the phrase's version of cry has almost been cycled out of the language. "A call for help" would be more accurate nowadays by most people's vocabulary.

    Additionally, needing help = weak = pathetic. Again, this is a societal problem that people think this way, but knowing it's wrong doesn't change the fact that that's how our world works.

    "Oh, the person's crying for help? We should help them out of pity, because we're better off (and therefore better) than they are (because we can take care of ourselves and don't have disorders (mental problems (something is wrong with them, which means they're less of a person and I'd watch my kids/purse/etc extra if they were nearby))), and we can therefore do a better job of helping them than they can, because they're an incomplete person, missing something necessary for thinking right." - How most people think of answering a "cry for help". And that's terrible. This goes for any case of helping those "less fortunate"/"in need"/etc...

    The depression these people have is multiplied by average people's awful misconceptions. Then, when it reaches THEM, it's multiplied for these people by thoughts like "How can this happen to me?! I can't be depressed! I'm normal! I'm a complete person! What have I done to deserve this?" They don't realize how normal it really is, and how complete people who are different from them really are. So they'll bury it & hide it & get worse because they don't realize that it's okay.

    Playgrounders here are not average people. The people here are far nicer & far more tolerant than average people.
    I disagree. It has been far from cycled out. e.g. To "cry out" is still in quite common usage.

    If one of the best swimmers in the world was being sucked in a freak rip out to sea and cried out for help, would you consider him or her weak and pathetic?

    There's nothing wrong with the phrase "a cry for help" and there's nothing pathetic about needing help. The sentiment is good, that the person is strong but just can't do it alone, but there is nothing wrong with the phrase "a cry for help" and, as I've mentioned, by attacking it the author is undermining their point.

    A cry for help is exactly what it is. Fight the impression that people are weak, don't fight the truth.

    "My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy" by rtg0922, Doll and Clint "Rawhide" Eastwood by Sneak

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