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  1. - Top - End - #931
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    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by rogueboy View Post
    My understanding, from what you've told us: you're doing outstanding. I'd be curious what exactly you're on probation for (lots of options, not all of them are related to massive screw-ups, and none are unfixable - if they were unfixable, they would be cause for termination, not probation).
    Not making productive use of time when I'm not actually seeing students. During periods where my schedule is open I'm expected to be keeping busy. And I haven't. I've been caught reading a book before when I was bored. That's the biggest challenge with this job. I have stretches where I'm not seeing students, sometimes for over an hour, and then I get really, really bored, especially when I haven't gotten much sleep, which has been happening a lot recently due to the workplace-related nightmares I've been having due to this anxiety.
    If it feels like a chore, it isn't something you should be doing to relax or feel better about yourself/things. Find/try something new, and see what happens. Eventually, you'll find something new to keep you interested, at least for a little bit.

    Other than that, I'll simply say that Succubus and IA have some really good points that I will wholeheartedly second and encourage you to take seriously.
    I've tried doing some writing, but I'm hitting roadblocks. I've got a beginning that's pretty good and some solid ideas for other details, but I'm struggling to figure out an outline and more importantly an ending.

    Plus, with the busy schedule I have lately, I only get to write in stretches of a few minutes. That's good for individual ideas, but not for plotting out a potential novel.

    My mother even used some of her Muskatova therapy techniques on me (sort of like a massage, but more focused on pressure points, it's kind of hard to describe, but it's incredibly calming). It doesn't address the root of my issues though, which I'm afraid to talk to her about because she thinks things are going fine, and if I tell her about the issues I'm having, she'll think I've been lying to her all this time, like I did in college.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    Let me ask you a question: Why are *YOU* ignoring other people's failings?

    You're painting everyone else around you as being the pinnacle of achievement compared to yourself. Take off those rose tinted goggles for a second. Your siblings need lifts from your parents, exactly the same as you. You think you have debt problems? That guy that's currently working through his doctorate is going to come out of university with an ungodly mountain of debt with no guarantee of a job afterwards.
    I don't know. Maybe I'm jealous of them? I was an honors student with most of these other people for almost seven years (honors started in middle school and the people who were in it tended to be in the same classes together all through high school). I'd be polite and converse with them, but I never really felt like I belonged among them, or that they were "friends" because I never "hung out" with them or things like that. Any time I spent with these people was either related directly to schoolwork or to a school-sponsored activity like a play or choir concert.

    Part of this was because of my Asperger's Syndrome. Early on, before I'd had socially appropriate behavior drilled into me, I was prone to throwing temper tantrums when I didn't do things perfectly. I'd had this problem since fourth grade, when a single incorrect math problem prompted me to throw a chair (nobody was hurt, but it was something that REALLY set off alarm bells for my mother, who's an occupational therapist and knows autism like the back of her hand). When I graduated with these people, we went our separate ways and I didn't hear anything about them until I came back from college four years later.

    After that, I found so much had changed with them. The football "cool kid" was going to med school, the D&D players were joining the military, and my younger cousin I played in orchestra with got married. Some of them even invited me to join their D&D group, which we only got three or four sessions out of before our DM was deployed for basic training (he joined the military). But even then, I felt like an outsider that was only being tolerated, because they still remembered my "weird" behavior from before, and were being polite to me either to make me happy or to make themselves look good.
    * Your supervisor is telling you your doing a good job.
    * Your mom is giving you encouragement because she believes in you
    * Your workplace says you're the best cashier they have.

    If you really want to hurt those people, ignore the encouragement they're giving you.

    Or instead you could actually listening to them. They're not just telling you all these things out of politeness. I find praise in the workplace to be an extremely rare thing and if your managers and supervisors are taking time out of their busy schedules to tell you stuff like that, it's not something they're doing lightly. Take your volunteer work supervisor. If he truly thought you were a "scumbag", why the hell is he taking you to one side, telling you that you're doing some good work with the kids that needs some refinement, instead of forgetting about you completely and letting you crap out?

    He wants you to succeed and he knows you can do it. You mom wants you to succeed and she knows you can do it. So why don't you know it as well?
    Because I'm not doing it perfectly. Because there's another volunteer member here and he seems to be doing so much better than I am. He always seems to have a positive attitude, never seems to get tired, and he started two months late. Because the students I struggle with (whether due to behavior issues or just because their progress seems to not be making headway because they're getting a good score one week, then a bad score the next, the score bouncing from high to low each week) get transfered to him. Sure he's got a year of experience already, but I went to the school I work at as a kid. My mom lets me use her office to work with my students. I have an incredible amount of support, so why am I not able to work at his level?
    If a mistake can't be undone, then why are you sitting there wasting time and energy lamenting it? Move on. You'll make some of them again, you'll do some things really well but all you can do is keep moving on.
    I fixate on the past in almost everything. I mean, I still feel upset about the infractions I earned on one of these threads when in a bout of depression I posted some private things about myself that weren't appropriate for discussion. I've never been banned, but I treat the moderators with about the same level of fear and respect I give my supervisors at work, because I feel like I've had my two strikes, and one more means I'm out.
    One final bit. You may think that everyone takes time out to analyse someone else's faults in great detail. The truth is that most folks don't, lest their own faults and failings come under scrutiny and the bad memories they carry are just as heavy as your own.
    My philosophy's always been that all the world's a stage, and we all have an act we must perform. How that act goes determines whether you'll be applauded or booed. For me, that act is normality, to seem like an independent, mature and responsible person, despite my Autism. And I feel like I'm not performing that role well, that I'm an irresponsible, needy manchild. And I'd rather be booed than the awkward silence I feel I'm getting from the audience.
    Last edited by Archpaladin Zousha; 2013-02-15 at 12:54 AM.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  2. - Top - End - #932
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    I've tried doing some writing, but I'm hitting roadblocks. I've got a beginning that's pretty good and some solid ideas for other details, but I'm struggling to figure out an outline and more importantly an ending.

    Plus, with the busy schedule I have lately, I only get to write in stretches of a few minutes. That's good for individual ideas, but not for plotting out a potential novel.
    ... Holy crap, something I can actually try and help with!

    There's no one 'right' way to write a book or get past writer's block (and I don't really know what's causing it in this case beyond stress) but one way I've found that works pretty well is to throw quality to the wind for a while. Take two of your details that you know you want, and write something without paying too much attention to how good or bad it is until you connect the two. You can come back later and fix it when you have more time, or even just toss it out.

    The important thing is that SOMETHING is getting written down. It doesn't matter how long it is or how good it is - novels will be expanded and added to until they're only barely recognizable from their first drafts anyway. Some of the things you write down you'll like enough to keep, and even if you toss it all out, it's good practice.

    From the sound of it this entire idea is in your head. If that's so, then write it all down (and I do mean all of it) It helps organize your thoughts. (If I've misread, I apologize.)

    For your outline... I had some of the same problems (a solid beginning but only a few other details and no real end - and many of those details made no sense) Like I said, there's no one way to write a book, but you could try the snowflake method. Worked pretty well for me.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2013-02-15 at 10:49 AM.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

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  3. - Top - End - #933
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Hey Archpaladin, the Captain Awkward blog recently answered a letter with How to Tighten Up Your Game When You're Depressed and some of it (especially the first half, possibly?) may be helpful to your situation. Good luck with your job.

  4. - Top - End - #934
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    That article was definitely an interesting and insightful read, Ceric. Thank you. My anxiety's been down since the weekend started, especially since this weekend's a four-day one due to teacher workshops and President's Day, but I've still got that niggling little voice in the back of my head telling me I'm one mistake away from being fired.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  5. - Top - End - #935
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    frown Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    For last 2 years now, I have been in near constant emotional pain.
    I have been dealing with depression for longer than 2 years, but it used to come and go in bouts. Since 2 years ago, it has been constant, and I have tried many different medications and many different therapies, none of which have made significant improvement, and my last medication(Prozac) actually ended up making it worse where I would spiral into severe crying fits.
    I'm not exactly sure what help I can get over the forums, but I was just wondering if anybody had some ideas about how I could get...better.
    I will provide more information if required.

  6. - Top - End - #936
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I wish I could help Daemonhawk, but the rules of this thread and of the forum forbid it.

    2. This thread is not for the treatment of or the discussion of the treatment of serious depression or mental health issues. Someone posting about those issues or seeking what would seem to call for licensed professional mental health advice should be referred to seek such advice. When in doubt, limit your response to friendly support and a suggestion to seek real world professional help. Think before you offer advice about how to be friendly, supportive, and not offer advice better left to a licensed professional in a professional setting.
    Please seek professional help in these matters. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things turn better for you.
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  7. - Top - End - #937
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    frown Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I do suppose I should've read the rules first.
    Well, thank you anyways, even though I've seen several professionals...
    I hope all of you have a good day.

  8. - Top - End - #938
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Daemonhawk View Post
    I do suppose I should've read the rules first.
    Well, thank you anyways, even though I've seen several professionals...
    I hope all of you have a good day.
    Have some chocolate and then call a real doctor.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

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  9. - Top - End - #939
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    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    And in five minutes all the self-confidence I've been building up within the past few weeks has been undermined. Yay.

    Since I don't have a driver's license, I needed a lift from my mother to get home from the library after a meeting I had there this afternoon. I called her, and in the intervening ten minutes she apparently had arrived and left, texting and calling me three times. I didn't feel my phone go off. When I finally got one of her calls, she laid into me about how irresponsible and demanding I was of her time, treating her like a slave, how she had the evening all planned out and because I hadn't bothered to pick up the phone she now had to double back, she was gonna be late for her appointment, and because of that we weren't going to have pizza and it was all my fault.

    Then when I actually got in the car, she yelled at me some more about how I should get a REAL job (other than the two I currently have), and get a driver's license, how it'd be SO much easier if I moved to the Twin Cities, where they have a public transportation system I could use to get to work, and live in an apartment below the poverty line, with cockroaches and rats and drug dealers next door, and be the only white person in the area, and get accosted on the bus. Or maybe she and dad should admit they wasted the thousands of dollars they spent on my education, that they screwed up as parents and put me in a group home, so there's a van to transport me where I need to go, and I can go to Special Olympics on Saturdays and play basketball on Mondays, and go grocery shopping with some of her other former students and have a little party.

    She said this in possibly the most condescending tone she could muster, while patting me on the cheek like a child for added emphasis. This is an occupational therapist who shows nothing but pride in her students' accomplishments, talking about them like they're failures, and that I'm no better than they are.

    Then she said that she hoped for once, just once, to have a NORMAL evening, but NOOOOOOOOO.

    My own mother, who said just last week she was proud of the hard work I did, said this to me less than 15 minutes ago. I wanna cry.
    Last edited by Archpaladin Zousha; 2013-02-19 at 07:59 PM.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  10. - Top - End - #940
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And in five minutes all the self-confidence I've been building up within the past few weeks has been undermined. Yay.

    Since I don't have a driver's license, I needed a lift from my mother to get home from the library after a meeting I had there this afternoon. I called her, and in the intervening ten minutes she apparently had arrived and left, texting and calling me three times. I didn't feel my phone go off. When I finally got one of her calls, she laid into me about how irresponsible and demanding I was of her time, treating her like a slave, how she had the evening all planned out and because I hadn't bothered to pick up the phone she now had to double back, she was gonna be late for her appointment, and because of that we weren't going to have pizza and it was all my fault.

    Then when I actually got in the car, she yelled at me some more about how I should get a REAL job (other than the two I currently have), and get a driver's license, how it'd be SO much easier if I moved to the Twin Cities, where they have a public transportation system I could use to get to work, and live in an apartment below the poverty line, with cockroaches and rats and drug dealers next door, and be the only white person in the area, and get accosted on the bus. Or maybe she and dad should admit they wasted the thousands of dollars they spent on my education, that they screwed up as parents and put me in a group home, so there's a van to transport me where I need to go, and I can go to Special Olympics on Saturdays and play basketball on Mondays, and go grocery shopping with some of her other former students and have a little party.

    She said this in possibly the most condescending tone she could muster, while patting me on the cheek like a child for added emphasis. This is an occupational therapist who shows nothing but pride in her students' accomplishments, talking about them like they're failures, and that I'm no better than they are.

    Then she said that she hoped for once, just once, to have a NORMAL evening, but NOOOOOOOOO.

    My own mother, who said just last week she was proud of the hard work I did, said this to me less than 15 minutes ago. I wanna cry.


    ...............

    Dear. God. And I thought my dad was horrible. That's just...
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

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  11. - Top - End - #941
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    And now she's back to normal. Came home for dinner calm, collected, said I did a good job baking the pizza (Papa Murphy's) and the only reference to our car conversation was "Jacob and I already had that discussion."

    WHAT THE HECK?!
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  12. - Top - End - #942
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And now she's back to normal. Came home for dinner calm, collected, said I did a good job baking the pizza (Papa Murphy's) and the only reference to our car conversation was "Jacob and I already had that discussion."

    WHAT THE HECK?!
    People are weird like that. Maybe she's trying to save face?

  13. - Top - End - #943
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And now she's back to normal. Came home for dinner calm, collected, said I did a good job baking the pizza (Papa Murphy's) and the only reference to our car conversation was "Jacob and I already had that discussion."

    WHAT THE HECK?!
    Yeah, people do that. Couple of possibilities:

    One, she doesn't actually feel the way she said and was just venting.

    Two, an error in communication. It would've sounded stern but kind to her ears and RAEGRAGEBEASTHATERAGE to yours. It happens. Especially since 'condescending' is so easy to inflect in your tone when you're trying to sound genuinely caring.

    Three, she's trying to save face.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

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  14. - Top - End - #944
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    A thought occurs. You often speak about your (oftimes turbulent) relationship with your mother - do you ever chat with your dad about the problems you have and see if he can offer some different advice?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And now she's back to normal. Came home for dinner calm, collected, said I did a good job baking the pizza (Papa Murphy's) and the only reference to our car conversation was "Jacob and I already had that discussion."

    WHAT THE HECK?!
    quick question..
    why don't you have a licence?
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  16. - Top - End - #946
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by The Succubus View Post
    A thought occurs. You often speak about your (oftimes turbulent) relationship with your mother - do you ever chat with your dad about the problems you have and see if he can offer some different advice?
    We talk about her often. His advice is that when she's on the warpath like that is to just let her vent and to not argue, and then wait for her to calm down. She does this kind of stuff a lot more often with him than with me. And he does say I made a mistake here in keeping her waiting, because she has absolutely NO patience. If she says she's on her way, you better be standing right out front when she gets there or she'll get frustrated. But he agrees that most of what she said was out of line.

    As for why I don't have a license, I went to college out of state and in a city with excellent public transportation, so at the moment it was not a big issue, especially since there wasn't a vehicle for me to use with a license. And after I got home, other priorities like finding work got in the way, as well as our infamous Minnesota winters, like the one we're in now. I've also attempted the test twice since graduating from college, failing both times.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  17. - Top - End - #947
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    It's so much easier to pretend to help other people than to do anything for myself. These weekly quizzes are worth 50% of my grade (with the final being the other 50%) and so far I've gotten zeroes on the last five, four of which were because I cut/overslept class and the fifth because obviously I didn't even know how to start the question. I keep telling myself that I'll study out of the textbook to make up for it but I've never managed to keep up like that in my life so I don't know why now would be any different. And I'm about to get a zero on the sixth quiz because I'm too embarassed to show up for another quiz just to fail it and the bus just left and the next one won't come for at least half an hour (the quizzes are 20 minutes long at the beginning of class).

    I only just got off academic probation last quarter and I can't believe I'm screwing it up already. Heck, most students take 4 classes per quarter and I'm only taking 3, so my workload should be easier than normal but apparently I can't even handle that. I took summer classes so I do have enough units to qualify for the year with 3 classes this quarter but I need to pass all of them.

    I'm sure my family and my boyfriend would be understanding and would love to help me but I can't bring myself to tell them because I know my family would get sympathetic at me and, well, I don't even know what my bf would say because we've only been dating for a month but I'm sure he would be sympathetic too. But I don't want them to be sympathetic, because right now they think I'm smart and hard-working and amazing and I don't want to let them down.

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    If someone else wrote this, I'd respond
    • missing the previous weekly quizzes wasn't good but there's nothing you can do about them now. Focus on solving the next ones and just do as well as you can.
    • go to class. No one will care about your quiz but you need to hear the lectures and that'll help you learn, which will also help on future quizzes as well as the final, especially if you have trouble studying from the textbook by yourself.
    • your friends and family will NOT and will NEVER think less of you if you tell them the truth. They genuinely would be happy to help you in any way they could. They WANT you to succeed and you do them no favors when you don't.

    But it's one thing to logically realize that and another completely to believe it and act on it

  18. - Top - End - #948
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I can't speak for your class obviously, but I've found that studying straight out of the textbook is usually an exercise in futility. Really, it's analogous to drinking out of a garden hose. There's so much information there, and you need so little for any given quiz. You can try drinking everything down and not keep it all down, or study certain parts very well and not learn everything you need to know.

    Have you been attending lectures?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Ok, forget that last post. I need help for someone else. I don't know her but I follow her on Tumblr and she wants to commit suicide. I told her that she isn't worthless and she wants me to prove it. I don't know what to respond

    This would be the second time I've attempted to talk her out of suicide.

  20. - Top - End - #950
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceric View Post
    Ok, forget that last post. I need help for someone else. I don't know her but I follow her on Tumblr and she wants to commit suicide. I told her that she isn't worthless and she wants me to prove it. I don't know what to respond

    This would be the second time I've attempted to talk her out of suicide.
    Have you suggested suicide hotlines to her? Maybe tell her about how great her Tumblr is? Perhaps talk to her about her worth to her family?

    Why does she think she's worthless?

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    Quote Originally Posted by TaiLiu View Post
    Have you suggested suicide hotlines to her? Maybe tell her about how great her Tumblr is? Perhaps talk to her about her worth to her family?

    Why does she think she's worthless?
    She does a little bit of art on her Tumblr but she says they're no good because they're all traced from bases but she sucks if she doesn't use a base. She's already declared that she has stopped drawing because she's no good at it and no one ever comments on it anyway. Several people (including myself) have already tried to encourage her that you can start from bases and work up, or have linked drawing tutorials that she hasn't bothered to look at afaik.

    She's told me her family history and it's not pretty at all, even before she ran away and had to survive on the streets.

    I'll definitely include a suicide hotline but I think that alone wouldn't be enough?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceric View Post
    She does a little bit of art on her Tumblr but she says they're no good because they're all traced from bases but she sucks if she doesn't use a base. She's already declared that she has stopped drawing because she's no good at it and no one ever comments on it anyway. Several people (including myself) have already tried to encourage her that you can start from bases and work up, or have linked drawing tutorials that she hasn't bothered to look at afaik.

    She's told me her family history and it's not pretty at all, even before she ran away and had to survive on the streets.

    I'll definitely include a suicide hotline but I think that alone wouldn't be enough?
    Well, I don't know this person at all, but... maybe hugging?

    How did you get her out of her suicidal thoughts during the first time?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceric View Post
    Ok, forget that last post. I need help for someone else. I don't know her but I follow her on Tumblr and she wants to commit suicide. I told her that she isn't worthless and she wants me to prove it. I don't know what to respond

    This would be the second time I've attempted to talk her out of suicide.


    ... uh...

    ...

    ...Because if she was completely convinced she was worthless she wouldn't have asked for proof? That the fact she asked shows she believes there IS proof to be found to begin with? And if she knows there's proof she can't be worthless or there'd be no proof and she'd know it?

    ... Does that sound as BS to you as it does to me?
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceric View Post
    She does a little bit of art on her Tumblr but she says they're no good because they're all traced from bases but she sucks if she doesn't use a base. She's already declared that she has stopped drawing because she's no good at it and no one ever comments on it anyway. Several people (including myself) have already tried to encourage her that you can start from bases and work up, or have linked drawing tutorials that she hasn't bothered to look at afaik.
    She hasn't started blind contour drawing? If she wants to get off tracing, she must start doing blind contours. It's one of the most basic exercises in fine art.

    Tell her to do this:
    • Get a timer, some things to draw (an apple, for instance), and a drawing board (or even just a clipboard)
    • She should place the object on a table, and then sit at the table, the drawing board on her lap and beneath the table, out of sight.
    • Set the timer to three or four minutes for something simple.
    • When the timer starts, she should begin drawing slowly, and she should draw the object as only a single, continuous line, focusing on the object's outline first. Her pencil should not leave the paper.
    • When the timer rings, she should take a break and switch out the object or reposition her chair around it.


    The purpose of this exercise is to divorce the mind from physical act of drawing so that it may focus on the subject of the drawing. At first, the drawings look awful. That's natural. However, with practice, they slowly get better.

    Also tell her that drawing photorealistically from memory is nigh impossible. Almost every artist that attempts photorealism will use reference material, even if they're not tracing it.
    Last edited by Grinner; 2013-02-22 at 12:18 AM.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceric View Post
    Ok, forget that last post. I need help for someone else. I don't know her but I follow her on Tumblr and she wants to commit suicide. I told her that she isn't worthless and she wants me to prove it. I don't know what to respond
    Give her the example of at least one person she cares about who has had (or at least considers that they have had) their life improved by her being in it. It is best if that's you, but don't lie about it if it isn't.

    From personal experience, that's probably one of tougher obstacles for self-loathing to overcome. I can't guarantee it'll work, but it might at least slow things down a bit.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

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    I feel bad for even having this problem; it's not a problem enough people are able to have, I think. I just got done with interviews for the only graduate school that gave me an interview. None of the others even formally rejected me.

    I'm reasonably certain I blew them all beyond recoverability. Forget not accepted; I figure I'm being laughed about.

    Almost certainly, this ran in tandem with a little blurb I saw of my letter of recommendation (it was on a screen) that highlighted something or other about my social skills.

    As I do not have social skills, I am reasonably certain it was not positive.

    So just...yeah. It feels like I wasted my time, and worse the university's, by going through with something I'm incapable of doing and probably massively unqualified even to try. Everyone else interviewing is amazingly pretty, fascinating, erudite, and accomplished beyond belief, and here I am still in undergraduate and the best I can lay claim to is a publication in progress. I don't run marathons and I was never a Marine and I can't speak French and I don't play alt rock and...I'm not pretty enough. Forget smart enough, everyone here is smart enough. I'm just smart enough; I'm nothing else enough.

    Now I'm just sitting here, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what to do with my life when (in my mind, it is always "when") I get rejected, because clearly I don't have the people skills for industry and I'm nowhere near competitive in academia. I just feel like everyone else in the world, or at least the majority of the ones who ended up here, somehow understands how people work, how to talk to them, how to end up with an unwrinkled suit and perfect skin and friends and self-esteem...and somehow I'm left out of the loop, way out in left field being nothing anyone expects or needs or wants, and I have no idea what I'm even doing wrong, just watching everyone else be perfect.

    And here I am, whinging on about squandering an opportunity a lot of people never get.

    So...:(

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    @Trekkin: You are not alone.

    Edit: It's not just what you've got that matters. It's how you use it. Maybe grad school isn't for you. You're smart. What can you do?
    Last edited by Grinner; 2013-02-22 at 11:48 PM.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Grinner View Post
    Edit: It's not just what you've got that matters. It's how you use it. Maybe grad school isn't for you. You're smart. What can you do?
    Honestly, everything I've ever considered doing has needed a PhD. I just don't have the skillset for anything else.

    Which is a sad argument, given i don't have the skillset for this either...

    Is there some career where you just solve incredibly complicated problems in computational biology and no one bothers you?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Trekkin View Post
    Honestly, everything I've ever considered doing has needed a PhD. I just don't have the skillset for anything else.

    Which is a sad argument, given i don't have the skillset for this either...

    Is there some career where you just solve incredibly complicated problems in computational biology and no one bothers you?
    Medical research?

    Unless you want to go the hermit mad scientist route, you'll always need to interact with others in some capacity. Is computational biology really that competitive?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Trekkin View Post
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    I feel bad for even having this problem; it's not a problem enough people are able to have, I think. I just got done with interviews for the only graduate school that gave me an interview. None of the others even formally rejected me.

    I'm reasonably certain I blew them all beyond recoverability. Forget not accepted; I figure I'm being laughed about.

    Almost certainly, this ran in tandem with a little blurb I saw of my letter of recommendation (it was on a screen) that highlighted something or other about my social skills.

    As I do not have social skills, I am reasonably certain it was not positive.

    So just...yeah. It feels like I wasted my time, and worse the university's, by going through with something I'm incapable of doing and probably massively unqualified even to try. Everyone else interviewing is amazingly pretty, fascinating, erudite, and accomplished beyond belief, and here I am still in undergraduate and the best I can lay claim to is a publication in progress. I don't run marathons and I was never a Marine and I can't speak French and I don't play alt rock and...I'm not pretty enough. Forget smart enough, everyone here is smart enough. I'm just smart enough; I'm nothing else enough.

    Now I'm just sitting here, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what to do with my life when (in my mind, it is always "when") I get rejected, because clearly I don't have the people skills for industry and I'm nowhere near competitive in academia. I just feel like everyone else in the world, or at least the majority of the ones who ended up here, somehow understands how people work, how to talk to them, how to end up with an unwrinkled suit and perfect skin and friends and self-esteem...and somehow I'm left out of the loop, way out in left field being nothing anyone expects or needs or wants, and I have no idea what I'm even doing wrong, just watching everyone else be perfect.

    And here I am, whinging on about squandering an opportunity a lot of people never get.

    So...:(
    Okay, one, do NOT feel sorry for wasting the university's time, and sure as hell not moreso than your own. If you made it to a personal interview then the university was at least interested enough to risk it's time. You didn't waste that time, and even if you did there were probably plenty of other applicants who wasted even more.

    Two, it's always 'if'. Not 'when'. 'IF'. Remember that. Prepare as you can for failure, but there's always a chance they'll let you in. And if you haven't been formally rejected, why would you be so sure that you wouldn't get in to the others? Is this something I wouldn't get being in America?

    Three, as cliche as it sounds, there's no such thing as perfect. Pick any one confident, suave, sophisticated person with perfect hair, teeth and diction that was at that interview (on that note, you had interviews in groups? ) and I can guarantee he or she was nowhere near as ****-sure as he or she looked to you. In fact, if the opportunity to get into this university is as rare as you claim, I would be utterly shocked if anyone who went into that interview was confident.

    Four, why do you think you're being laughed about? And why do you think that's a BAD thing? I know a guy who used a student essay two sentences long to get into a major college. Why? Because it was friggen hilarious. (Short version: the best advice he ever got was from an old man yelling at him to get out of the street before he was hit by a sports car)

    Finally... this is the personal woes and advice thread for a reason. We're here to listen to everyone's problems. If you feel it's big enough to talk about, it's big enough to listen to.

    And tbh, it sounds pretty big Hugs?
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