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  1. - Top - End - #91
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Was wondering to put this in RW&A or here...in the end decided to put it here..

    Just a woe...I'm tired of having a gazillion friends saying ''there's somebody out there for you, I'm sure of it!'', when the truth is, the chance of that being so is close to nihil.

    And if you're thinking right now ''but you must have some positive traits, considering that you do have many friends'', yes, that's true. But for a closer relationship they're just outweighed by the bad and the unknown.
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  2. - Top - End - #92
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    DD: I can understand how that is annoying.
    I'm not sure if I can offer anything useful, seeing as I don't know you thaat well...
    So I'll just give *hugs*

    As for me:
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    I'm really tired.
    I mentioned a while ago I had problems with school, I have now found a solution to it. The depressed friend that was annoying me is now back, and I've let him know I'm there for him and have been trying to distract him with fun stories and games. It seems to at least make him feel less alone in all this. It's exhausting, but worth it and normally I should have plenty of energy left to deal with everyday stuff. But the everyday stuff is not a problem.
    An ex has been sending me tons of e-mails, they basicaly say I'm a cruel person for dumping him that way (I just felt he was smothering me and made that clear dozens of times before I ended the relationship in a civil manner.) Claims I ruined his life and tries to force me to become his friend and eventually taking him back. Not gonna happen, of course. I block every e-mail adress he uses, but he makes more.
    Claims his therapist is telling him to be more selfish and to try to get what he wants. I would like to see that therapist fired.
    And then there's my mom. About a year ago my father died, and since then she's become very paranoid. My father's side of the family are not very nice people, but she's constantly accusing them of trying to mess with inheritance money and that they all hate her. The details don't matter, she's just very aggressive and paranoid to them. So no wonder they don't like her. She blames all her misery on other people, even me and my sister. She's always angry at everyone! And even gets angry at my dad, saying he ruined her life because everyone in that family is a backstabber. Not nice to hear, and not at all true. She's constantly trying to break up my sister and her boyfriend and making sure I feel bad for being single (I'm 21, my sister's 19). Yesterday, she even called me fat (and as a girl of 1,70m or about 5ft7 weighing 58 kg, even I can see that makes no sense.)
    It's very stressful, leaving home is no option since I'm still in college and not making enough money. I'm under constant stress and it's getting very hard to bear. And now she starts to say her marriage was a lie and wants to sell our house.
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  3. - Top - End - #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eadin View Post
    DD: I can understand how that is annoying.
    I'm not sure if I can offer anything useful, seeing as I don't know you thaat well...
    So I'll just give *hugs*

    As for me:
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    I'm really tired.
    I mentioned a while ago I had problems with school, I have now found a solution to it. The depressed friend that was annoying me is now back, and I've let him know I'm there for him and have been trying to distract him with fun stories and games. It seems to at least make him feel less alone in all this. It's exhausting, but worth it and normally I should have plenty of energy left to deal with everyday stuff. But the everyday stuff is not a problem.
    An ex has been sending me tons of e-mails, they basicaly say I'm a cruel person for dumping him that way (I just felt he was smothering me and made that clear dozens of times before I ended the relationship in a civil manner.) Claims I ruined his life and tries to force me to become his friend and eventually taking him back. Not gonna happen, of course. I block every e-mail adress he uses, but he makes more.
    Claims his therapist is telling him to be more selfish and to try to get what he wants. I would like to see that therapist fired.
    And then there's my mom. About a year ago my father died, and since then she's become very paranoid. My father's side of the family are not very nice people, but she's constantly accusing them of trying to mess with inheritance money and that they all hate her. The details don't matter, she's just very aggressive and paranoid to them. So no wonder they don't like her. She blames all her misery on other people, even me and my sister. She's always angry at everyone! And even gets angry at my dad, saying he ruined her life because everyone in that family is a backstabber. Not nice to hear, and not at all true. She's constantly trying to break up my sister and her boyfriend and making sure I feel bad for being single (I'm 21, my sister's 19). Yesterday, she even called me fat (and as a girl of 1,70m or about 5ft7 weighing 58 kg, even I can see that makes no sense.)
    It's very stressful, leaving home is no option since I'm still in college and not making enough money. I'm under constant stress and it's getting very hard to bear. And now she starts to say her marriage was a lie and wants to sell our house.
    I'm by no means an expert and you should take everything I say with a healthy dose of salt...
    but the way you put it, it sounds like she's not really taken the time, or found a way, to properly process the passing of your father.. and has turned that into a destructive mindset.
    It's probably something you've realised by yourself, and I'm stating the obvious..also, I have no real suggestion as to what you could do about it.
    could it be that moving is a way to seek a new start?
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  4. - Top - End - #94
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    yes, probably, but she just said that 5 minutes ago, without any proper thinking. She's been rambling about an appartment in a rural place, making it very difficult for me and my sister to get to college in a normal way due to lack of public transport. Alright, we have dorms there, but we still need to get to those dorms. Also, we have a dog, and there's no way that she'll be fine in an appartment. I for one find my mother's behavior now very selfish, and it really hurts. Today was Dad's birthday so that makes it all that much harder to deal with.
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  5. - Top - End - #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eadin View Post
    DD: I can understand how that is annoying.
    I'm not sure if I can offer anything useful, seeing as I don't know you thaat well...
    So I'll just give *hugs*

    As for me:
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    I'm really tired.
    I mentioned a while ago I had problems with school, I have now found a solution to it. The depressed friend that was annoying me is now back, and I've let him know I'm there for him and have been trying to distract him with fun stories and games. It seems to at least make him feel less alone in all this. It's exhausting, but worth it and normally I should have plenty of energy left to deal with everyday stuff. But the everyday stuff is not a problem.
    An ex has been sending me tons of e-mails, they basicaly say I'm a cruel person for dumping him that way (I just felt he was smothering me and made that clear dozens of times before I ended the relationship in a civil manner.) Claims I ruined his life and tries to force me to become his friend and eventually taking him back. Not gonna happen, of course. I block every e-mail adress he uses, but he makes more.
    Claims his therapist is telling him to be more selfish and to try to get what he wants. I would like to see that therapist fired.
    And then there's my mom. About a year ago my father died, and since then she's become very paranoid. My father's side of the family are not very nice people, but she's constantly accusing them of trying to mess with inheritance money and that they all hate her. The details don't matter, she's just very aggressive and paranoid to them. So no wonder they don't like her. She blames all her misery on other people, even me and my sister. She's always angry at everyone! And even gets angry at my dad, saying he ruined her life because everyone in that family is a backstabber. Not nice to hear, and not at all true. She's constantly trying to break up my sister and her boyfriend and making sure I feel bad for being single (I'm 21, my sister's 19). Yesterday, she even called me fat (and as a girl of 1,70m or about 5ft7 weighing 58 kg, even I can see that makes no sense.)
    It's very stressful, leaving home is no option since I'm still in college and not making enough money. I'm under constant stress and it's getting very hard to bear. And now she starts to say her marriage was a lie and wants to sell our house.
    *hugs tight, goes around smacking the jerks in your life* =\
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  6. - Top - End - #96
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    Ugh, Eadin, I'm sorry about that. Does your mom oscillate like that a lot?
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  7. - Top - End - #97
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    She started when dad started to get sick, i was about 17.
    It got worse when he died, as soon as money came into play.
    And now dad's not here to temper it she's gone full out...
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  8. - Top - End - #98
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    Here lately I've been slowly realizing that I've spent my whole life angry. I hadn't really noticed that before.

    At first it was over reasonable things. I used to get my ass beat once, twice daily by kids in school for my lack of religion, then I spent the rest of my school years with few friends and lots of enemies. I was always in fights with a 'zero tolerance' administration that treated me like a number and fighting to get fair treatment. But as graduation got closer and closer I didn't stop being angry, and indeed found new things to be angry about; I started studying politics and current events and plenty of that makes me angry.

    This isn't to say that I haven't lived with my anger. I've found quite a few ways to turn it into something productive; homebrew projects, productive debate, political action. But the thing that bothers me is that hatred is essentially the fuel that makes me run. It wakes me up in the morning and gets me online, and it gets me through the day at work and in public when people are being annoying, stupid, or rude, and more often than not I go to bed seething. I start arguments or I start fights when I don't have other things to do. I've been doing this for so long I'm not really sure how to stop, or even if I should.

    So, umm...yeah.


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  9. - Top - End - #99
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    @ Eadin:

    You're helping your friend get through/cope with his depression. That is a good thing and something you deserve to pat yourself on the back for. Try to fond some satisfaction in just that. Maybe that'll help you as well.

    And I think it's about time you contact the authorities about what your ex is doing. At the very least find someone who knows how to deal with stalkers and ask them what you can and should do. It seems to me he's gone well past what is acceptable and I think that at this point involving the police would be doing both yourself as well as him a favour. You should be able to just live your life without constantly being bothered by him.

    I don't know much about how you should deal with your mother. I'm guessing she isn't dealing with the loss of her husband very well and would probably benefit from therapy if she isn't seeing a professional already. Maybe she's just lashing out at everyone around her because she can't cope with the loss, I don't know for sure.

    @ Lord Gareth:

    I can relate to living one's life in anger and hatred. That's exactly what I used to do for a long time and at that time it did sustain me and keep me going. But in the end it wasn't worth it and I was better off trying to come to terms with the (unfair) past and trying to move instead of holding on to it. Hatred may allow you to survive, but it won't let you live. It won't be easy to just let go and you could probably benefit from some professional assistance, but I think it would be worth it to try to move on from that hate and find something else to empower you and drive you forward.
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  10. - Top - End - #100
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    Random update...

    I've been feeling really good the last few days. I didn't even notice it until I caught myself walking with more of a confident swagger than I usually do. Not entirely sure what did it, as several things have occurred recently that could be contributing: I played soccer again for the first time in a few weeks, the semester (and thus the grading associated with teaching) ended, I'm closing in on my presentation to my boss (and should have enough results to be in reasonable, if not great, shape), I've started PT for my long-term leg issues (aches and pains, nothing debilitating), I'm starting to go to the gym again, and there's probably a few other, less significant things, that I'm forgetting.

    I had forgotten that I could actually feel this good when there's still a bunch of crap going on.
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    Car troubles again.
    The circumstances were particularly forgiving to me, but the car still broke down on the highway. I hope it's something easily fixed that won't cost one arm and a leg.
    It's, all in all, a very minor, and I'm lucky to have access to a car in the first place, but damned thing, every time I start liking it again, something goes horribly wrong. Just need to vent.
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  12. - Top - End - #102
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    So... Last night I told someone I'm pretty close to just how crazy I am. Not sure if it went over well. >.>"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Qaera View Post
    So... Last night I told someone I'm pretty close to just how crazy I am. Not sure if it went over well. >.>"

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    Oh dear. :s *hugs*
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  14. - Top - End - #104
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    Last week I found out the girl I like, and have liked for a number of years, is a Lesbian. Naturally I am quite heart-broken.

    Still, Overall I'm fine with this because as long as she is happy with who she is, and I can still be her friend; all is good.

    Suppose all I needed is to get this off my chest.
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  15. - Top - End - #105

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Eadin: What friend networks do you have, and what sort of job do you have?

    What I'm seeing here is your mom being foolish with money and attempting to live off savings (never a sustainable long-term plan) and trying to break you off from outside support structures while undermining your confidence (classic codependent/borderline abusive behavior). If you can look at this from a long-term perspective, you'll see that you need to tap into whatever support networks you can, to avoid falling into her trap of making you dependent. As I've said to other people in high-stress situations, sometimes all you need is a couch to crash on and someone who won't make you feel put upon.

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    Sigh... Time for another round of "replace the daily grind with a major question that will completely change the future of your career", with rogueboy! OK, maybe I haven't posted about these on here before, but they come up more often than I'd like.

    The debate I'm considering is whether I should continue on for my PhD (in organic synthesis, for anyone wondering), or stop at a MS. The main question is what job I could expect to have down the line, and which degree will give me a better chance of ending up with a job that I'd enjoy. Going through the process of getting all the input I can on what the differences would be (from my undergrad adviser, from people in the industry, and from my current adviser when I have a better idea of my own thoughts). In the meantime, I'm just spending too much of my time thinking about it, while trying to sort out my own thoughts, and the input I've gotten so far (more is likely to come in early next week, and I've got another 1-2 people to contact for their input).

    Nothing I'm really expecting from you all, just a bit of a venting.

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  17. - Top - End - #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by rogueboy View Post
    The debate I'm considering is whether I should continue on for my PhD (in organic synthesis, for anyone wondering), or stop at a MS. The main question is what job I could expect to have down the line, and which degree will give me a better chance of ending up with a job that I'd enjoy.
    An ex of mine had a similar issue. She majored in genetics.

    For a decent position, you seem to need at least a master's, especially at the start of your career. A PhD is specifically necessary if you intend on heading your own research team somewhere down the line. It's a good thing to have in any case, but you can always get it at a later date. It's possible that a job right now (as research assistant or whatever) will be a better choice, but that's up to you.

    She ended up taking a pretty nice job instead of continuing with her PhD, but she mentioned that she wouldn't really be able to get anywhere in the future without it. So it seems it's really just a matter of whether you get it now or at a later date.

    Hope this helped at least a little bit.
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    Ugh....

    Had a wave of dysphoria last night, and the ensuing sadness that I won't be able to do anything about it for ages.

    Feeling sad again. Wonder if I'll ever be loved by someone I can actually reach. Seems so unlikely. There's no place for someone like me. ._.

    And now I'm sick. Really sick. It feels like it's getting harder to breathe, and I'm always so exhausted no matter what kind of sleep I get. Most people would probably just brush me off as a lazy jerk.

    Maybe I should go home from Uni.... but I'm nearing the end of the course. I should be here for the last few weeks, shouldn't I? :/
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    A very good point.

  19. - Top - End - #109

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    {Scrubbed}

    Read through these threads. We're all screwups. We're all faking it. As you talk (and more importantly, listen) to more people, you'll find out that feeling lost and adrift are universal feelings. You're not the only one who feels these ways. You're not alone.

    Doesn't make the immediate term easier. (Although if you're feeling sick-sick by this time tomorrow, it might be worth poking your head into campus health services.) But it should help knowing that everybody else is confused too, and that you're not the sole loser in a sea of cool kids.
    Last edited by averagejoe; 2012-05-29 at 12:29 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reluctance View Post
    {Scrubbed}
    ...direct my rage at others? That's the exact thing that makes people hate me when I get depressed! I don't understand...

    Quote Originally Posted by Reluctance View Post
    Read through these threads. We're all screwups. We're all faking it. As you talk (and more importantly, listen) to more people, you'll find out that feeling lost and adrift are universal feelings. You're not the only one who feels these ways. You're not alone.
    I know. It's finding someone else like that in a range I can reach that's the impossible part. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Reluctance View Post
    Doesn't make the immediate term easier. (Although if you're feeling sick-sick by this time tomorrow, it might be worth poking your head into campus health services.) But it should help knowing that everybody else is confused too, and that you're not the sole loser in a sea of cool kids.
    Feeling a bit healthier now. Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I can just sleep. =__=
    Last edited by averagejoe; 2012-05-29 at 12:29 PM.
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    A very good point.

  21. - Top - End - #111
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    I'm going to turn down a good PhD opportunity. Funny really, because I always thought it's what I wanted to do. It was my dream and yet now I don't think I can take it. I'm not even sure anymore what I want! Taking it would mean moving abroad, but I've grown attached to my current city and if I move I'm not sure if I can start/continue my treatment. That's right, I'm going to see a therapist (which has felt like a great humiliation every step of the way and still feels that way) and if I move abroad I don't know if can do that. Even if I could, I'd still like to start treatment to help me figure things out before I make a big decision like this.

    I'm screwed either way. Either I sacrifice my dream of doing research for the rest of my life or I doom whatever chance I have becoming a normal and happy functioning individual. No matter which decision, I'm afraid I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. Why didn't this come to me several months ago before I decided to go see a therapist? How the hell am I going to reconcile this with what I've always told myself and everyone else in the past? This isn't fair. I finally get this opportunity, but at a time when I can't appreciate it.
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    In terms of the PhD, thats not the sort of thing that has to be done right away. Given it is different for different fields of study, but where I went to school they actively recommended getting a real job and getting some experience in the field before moving on to a Master's degree. It looks better to (some) companies, it gives you a break from school (it gets old, you've been doing it your entire life and you've just finished what should have been some fairly difficult work), and it gives you real world experience that is *always* different then what it would seem like from the academic world. It gives you a better idea of the sorts of projects you might do for your PhD too. And if you're pretty good you can get a lot of businesses to pay for some, or all, of your schooling to go later.
    And again, depending on the field, you might not really need a PhD and might find some other aspect of the field you really enjoy, one you might not even know about until you actually get into the field. A lot of PhDs aren't earned right away.

  23. - Top - End - #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Ugh....

    Had a wave of dysphoria last night, and the ensuing sadness that I won't be able to do anything about it for ages.

    Feeling sad again. Wonder if I'll ever be loved by someone I can actually reach. Seems so unlikely. There's no place for someone like me. ._.

    And now I'm sick. Really sick. It feels like it's getting harder to breathe, and I'm always so exhausted no matter what kind of sleep I get. Most people would probably just brush me off as a lazy jerk.

    Maybe I should go home from Uni.... but I'm nearing the end of the course. I should be here for the last few weeks, shouldn't I? :/

    I have been there. I really have. On 2 occasions.

    For the first it was as a missionary. At the time I was serving with a companion I really disliked, spending my first Christmas away from home, was exhausted and did not feel like I was succeeding at anything. I was low. Then I got chest pains and other sickness for 3 weeks and was almost bedridden. I felt like absolute hell in all things.

    The second time was last year on my PGCE course. Teacher training was hard. I felt like a screw up, was exhausted 24/7, seemed to fail at everything and was about ten minutes from completely breaking down at all times. I had to spend 20 minutes psyching myself up in the morning just to be able to go to school. Plus at this time I was in emotionally romatic woe and all round just barely coping with life.

    I got sad and low.

    It was no quick fix or easy solution but for me both times the key was finding something to look forward to every single day. As in something I would do that day that I could lose myself in and just enjoy doing it. For me it was the gym, or working out. For that time I knew what to do, how to do it and could just relax. I had fun. Whenever I start getting low now (which is often enough) I pick a fun thing to do and do it. Whatever it is. For me now it is roleplaying.

    Not immeadiately but soon I felt better. I honestly believe that for some problems having fun is the solution. Real fun. Fun you can rely on.



    Me, my problems now are 2 fold. Well 3. First I hate my job as a teacher and am sure I am not good at it. Thankfully my contract ends in 3 weeks, and so I am not too worried. Getting a job afterwards will be. Secondly I am too much of a coward to ask a girl I like out, always have been, and am never alone enough with her to try. And finally, well, just I find myself frequently (more often now) just struggling with crowds.

    Not even crowds. I have never liked them. But nowadays even groups of 10 or more people leave me feeling despondent, isolated, sad and in need of escape. I mean even with a group of the friendliest and nicest people ever I just feel worse as the group gets bigger. Less able to do anything. More exposed. And eventually I need to just get out of there and be more alone. It sucks, and has never been so bad before. I wonder what the problem is.
    If I cared about this, I would probably do something about it.

  24. - Top - End - #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Feytalist View Post
    An ex of mine had a similar issue. She majored in genetics.

    For a decent position, you seem to need at least a master's, especially at the start of your career. A PhD is specifically necessary if you intend on heading your own research team somewhere down the line. It's a good thing to have in any case, but you can always get it at a later date. It's possible that a job right now (as research assistant or whatever) will be a better choice, but that's up to you.

    She ended up taking a pretty nice job instead of continuing with her PhD, but she mentioned that she wouldn't really be able to get anywhere in the future without it. So it seems it's really just a matter of whether you get it now or at a later date.

    Hope this helped at least a little bit.
    Chemistry is a bit different from most - it's rare for someone to get a master's, then work in industry for a few years, and then go back for a PhD. More common (though still not common) is to do a year or 2 in industry immediately after the BS, and then starting graduate school (the only person in my incoming class of 43 that did that was laid off from his job, so decided to go back to school).

    I know that I don't really want to be managing people (that's just not how I function, really - doing so puts a strain on me in most situations, so it's not something that's calling out to me), which having a PhD would probably require down the line. However, I do enjoy being able to contribute intellectually to a problem, which seems to be somewhat restricted to those with a PhD, which is where my indecision comes from. Still have a few people in industry that I'm hoping to hear back from with input towards this decision.

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    I'm going to turn down a good PhD opportunity. Funny really, because I always thought it's what I wanted to do. It was my dream and yet now I don't think I can take it. I'm not even sure anymore what I want! Taking it would mean moving abroad, but I've grown attached to my current city and if I move I'm not sure if I can start/continue my treatment. That's right, I'm going to see a therapist (which has felt like a great humiliation every step of the way and still feels that way) and if I move abroad I don't know if can do that. Even if I could, I'd still like to start treatment to help me figure things out before I make a big decision like this.

    I'm screwed either way. Either I sacrifice my dream of doing research for the rest of my life or I doom whatever chance I have becoming a normal and happy functioning individual. No matter which decision, I'm afraid I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. Why didn't this come to me several months ago before I decided to go see a therapist? How the hell am I going to reconcile this with what I've always told myself and everyone else in the past? This isn't fair. I finally get this opportunity, but at a time when I can't appreciate it.
    As you can probably gather from my various postings in here, I'm dealing with a similar debate - PhD vs Master's (since I'm already 2 years into my program), and then where I want to end up working down the line. I also ended up moving across the country for graduate school, which has been great (I love the group I'm in, and the people here), but also brutally tough (almost all of my family and friends are 3000 miles away now). I occasionally wish I hadn't moved across the country, but I also know it was the right move for me for graduate school.

    I've also been going to therapy here, through the school's psychology services, which means it's free, and they offer both individual and group services; I'd expect that whichever school you're going to would have some services available to students (including graduate students) that would allow you to continue with your therapy. There's still the issue of finding someone you're comfortable working with, but I'd expect that they can work with you if you decide to go that route.

    That just leaves your comfort as the remaining issue to consider, and sadly, that's an entirely personal choice. As I said, I moved across the country for graduate school, which has been both a fantastic experience (seeing an entirely different part of the country) and an isolating one (picking up and having to form entirely new roots). The question is which of those will win out, and I'd expect that it'll be a fairly complete whirlwind that will limit your time to really be super concerned about things outside of your coursework, teaching, and research.

    That being said, Erloas' comment that things vary by field (in terms of expectations/allowances for working first, and then returning to school later) is very true. If you don't mind my asking, what field are you in? I know several people in the social sciences area that are quite a bit older (mid-late 40s, even), although most of those I know in the physical/life sciences are in their 20s.
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  25. - Top - End - #115
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    I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I don't know what to do to start actually doing something with my life. I feel stupid not even knowing what to do.
    Depression's getting dangerously close. Maybe it was closer than I thought all along. Mom's absolutely not helping with it. Again.
    I keep wondering if I'm a waste of time and money for my loved ones, but at least, I know I'm not supposed to think that, and that it's just temporary, or a chemical imbalance.
    Dammit, I'm starting to consider old, bad ways to cope with that. They're not gonna get me anywhere. I'm not gonna do that. But I'm still thinking about it, and it's bad.
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  26. - Top - End - #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by rogueboy View Post

    That being said, Erloas' comment that things vary by field (in terms of expectations/allowances for working first, and then returning to school later) is very true. If you don't mind my asking, what field are you in? I know several people in the social sciences area that are quite a bit older (mid-late 40s, even), although most of those I know in the physical/life sciences are in their 20s.
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    I'm in astronomy. Switching from the private sector back to academics is a lot harder than the other way around. I used to be willing to move abroad for a PhD, but I guess somewhere along the way things changed. It's not that I'd end up unemployed, but it feels very much like I'm screwed either way. I don't want to put off taking care of personal issues any longer than I already have and I don't want to rush into a PhD without having a better idea of where I'm at and what I want, but it still feels like I've wasted an opportunity here.

    If I'd decided differently I'd probably have different regrets, but it'd be regrets nonetheless.
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  27. - Top - End - #117
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    There's someone I'm rather worried about. They're having self esteem problem and I deeply sympathize. I paraphrased this to give some context on what I am interpreting from what he is saying.
    Dear Abby,
    I know this may seem silly but I am seeking some serious advice. I think that all of my friends ignore and really don't like me, because they only say good things when I'm depressed. I don't want to seem like I'm grabbing for attention by straight out telling them that I want some comfort either. What do I do?
    When I was much younger, I found myself inadvertenly eliciting pity and consolation from others around me, without actually doing anything to fix the problem. In the end, this only brought the sincerity of these issues into question, and made me feel even more alone than before. It took me a very long time to learn that when my close companions appeared to be oblivious to my problems, very often they were simply at a loss for words. Feelings of helplessness can easily paralyze a conversation, especially when one feels that their words can offer you little comfort. If a friend has the power to make you feel better, let them know it.

    It can be quite terrifying to reach out to others when the threat of rejection is imminent. Very often the idea of relying on hints and subtlety may seem more attractive. but reaching out is a risk that eventually all of us must take, and you may be surprised at how rewarding the ends can be. It may also surprise you how inflated your fear of rejection really was.

    You may be blessed with friends who seem able to sense your distress before you utter a word. Others may not be able to perceive your emotions so easily. Unfortunately for me, my most beloved friends seem to be a little thick-headed. But I donít fault them for it. Itís just forced me to learn to e more direct. And for those supposed friends who genuinely donít care about you, well there's always the ones that do.
    There's more I would like to say but as mention in the quote's I'm still at a loss.

  28. - Top - End - #118
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    So, this is kind of hard, but here's the deal:

    I'm out on summer break, which for college, is roughly 3-4 months. Given this huge space of time, a good thing to do would be to get a job. My parents have been pushing for this, and they are 150% correct on that front.

    However, here's what the problem is: I'm sort of terrified to interact with people I don't know, even if it's only a few. This is bad enough to the point where if I'm alone in public, unless I have something distracting me, I get the shimmies and the shakes, to put it mildly. I get over this just fine if I just talk with them for 10, maybe 15 minutes. After that, I'm totally cool with being around those people.

    However, that's not really viable for a summer job, where I would most likely have to interact with not only more than a few people, but likely dozens upon dozens of people, something that makes me almost panic to think about. I've racked my brain for options, and I've come up with nothing. What should I do?

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  29. - Top - End - #119
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    Ugh. Thanks to a staffing ****up, I lost my veterinary internship right after my first day there. I'm furious and desperate, and I've spent all week scrambling for something when most internships are gone. I might find something, but I really don't know what I'm going to do. At least I'm doing really, really well in college.
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  30. - Top - End - #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pyromancer999 View Post
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    So, this is kind of hard, but here's the deal:

    I'm out on summer break, which for college, is roughly 3-4 months. Given this huge space of time, a good thing to do would be to get a job. My parents have been pushing for this, and they are 150% correct on that front.

    However, here's what the problem is: I'm sort of terrified to interact with people I don't know, even if it's only a few. This is bad enough to the point where if I'm alone in public, unless I have something distracting me, I get the shimmies and the shakes, to put it mildly. I get over this just fine if I just talk with them for 10, maybe 15 minutes. After that, I'm totally cool with being around those people.

    However, that's not really viable for a summer job, where I would most likely have to interact with not only more than a few people, but likely dozens upon dozens of people, something that makes me almost panic to think about. I've racked my brain for options, and I've come up with nothing. What should I do?

    see it as an opportunity to get over at least some of that terror that stops you from interacting.. and throw yourself in at the deep end
    when it's swim or drown, you might just find out that swimming ..or at least floating, isn't so hard after all.
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