Personal Woes and Advice 2

[Haluesen]

Just when I thought our downstairs roommate couldn't get any weirder...apparently she managed to RECORD how often we were using the bathroom.

Wow. I...I will admit, that is not something I would expect someone to do. Even while trying to expect the unexpected. How do you see this? Is it angering, or just odd, or something else? I'm honestly wondering. I don't know how anyone is supposed to feel about that.

[WarKitty]

Wow. I...I will admit, that is not something I would expect someone to do. Even while trying to expect the unexpected. How do you see this? Is it angering, or just odd, or something else? I'm honestly wondering. I don't know how anyone is supposed to feel about that.

It's...a bit creepy, to be honest. To be quite fair, I *think* she may have been recording something else and gotten that. Still, the whole incident was creepy. Plus she was asking my other roommate why he was in the bathroom that often and if he needed to see a doctor. Really?

OTOH, if she really did record it and is willing to admit it, that's something that I can call the cops on if I really need to.

[Coidzor]

I'd've jumped straight to legal consultation at that, aye.

[Haluesen]

That doe sound like something that could require legal action, if it truly bothers you. Her asking your roommate that could just be general concern, or maybe not. Maybe it is too much to ask someone. Well still hope it works out.

[WarKitty]

That doe sound like something that could require legal action, if it truly bothers you. Her asking your roommate that could just be general concern, or maybe not. Maybe it is too much to ask someone. Well still hope it works out.

It seems unlikely that it was general concern - and even if it was, it requires the jump from "using the room" to "using the toilet," since the latter wasn't actually the case. Honestly I'm almost glad to have something that's legally actionable, since it means there's something to do if things get too out of hand. Though I won't be here with her much longer, so it'll resolve that way I guess.

[HalfTangible]

Just when I thought our downstairs roommate couldn't get any weirder...apparently she managed to RECORD how often we were using the bathroom.

... I am confused, creeped out and impressed all at the same time.

[Grinner]

OTOH, if she really did record it and is willing to admit it, that's something that I can call the cops on if I really need to.

If you decide to pursue this, you should probably go to a lawyer first. Because you all share a domicile, that may or may not have been a violation of privacy.

Moreover, I'm curious as to how she knew specifically how often that guy was going to the bathroom...Do you all share a bathroom?

[TSGames]

If that's the weirdest roommate encounter you've had, you're very lucky.

Is she making rent? Will either of you be moving soon? If you answered. 'No' to either of those, only then do you have a potential problem. For the short term, yea it's pretty weird, but not ss weird as roommates who eat their own skim like the guy from Goldmember, roommates who try to make you watch creepy stalker videos and photo collages of their. X girlfriend, or roommates that make the living room sound like the Jersey Shore 3 nights out of everyweek and then throw trash off the balcony to get your apartment fined.

Your roommate's strange, but ask her not to record the bathroom and everything will probably be OK. Most people are reasonable if you ask the right way. It could be much worse.

[dehro]

Just when I thought our downstairs roommate couldn't get any weirder...apparently she managed to RECORD how often we were using the bathroom.

and that's when the "try to limit the fart sounds" rule gets lifted.
I suggest employing whoopee cushions every time you go to the bathroom, from now on..even if it's only for a pee

[WarKitty]

If that's the weirdest roommate encounter you've had, you're very lucky.

Is she making rent? Will either of you be moving soon? If you answered. 'No' to either of those, only then do you have a potential problem. For the short term, yea it's pretty weird, but not ss weird as roommates who eat their own skim like the guy from Goldmember, roommates who try to make you watch creepy stalker videos and photo collages of their. X girlfriend, or roommates that make the living room sound like the Jersey Shore 3 nights out of everyweek and then throw trash off the balcony to get your apartment fined.

Your roommate's strange, but ask her not to record the bathroom and everything will probably be OK. Most people are reasonable if you ask the right way. It could be much worse.

You must be new here. This is like episode 6 of Kitty's Roommate Drama.

Edit: Actually, can you send her those links? Because that's sort of been the problem the whole time - she's convinced herself that living with me and other roommate is the absolute worst thing ever, and that we're just being so unreasonable she can't work with us. When the reality is that this started as just a bog-standard case of people who aren't particularly compatible and got blown all out of proportion because she acted like everything was fine and then threw a tantrum (with my stuff) and wouldn't accept any solution that wasn't us doing everything her way.

[TSGames]

You must be new here. This is like episode 6 of Kitty's Roommate Drama.

Edit: Actually, can you send her those links? Because that's sort of been the problem the whole time - she's convinced herself that living with me and other roommate is the absolute worst thing ever, and that we're just being so unreasonable she can't work with us. When the reality is that this started as just a bog-standard case of people who aren't particularly compatible and got blown all out of proportion because she acted like everything was fine and then threw a tantrum (with my stuff) and wouldn't accept any solution that wasn't us doing everything her way.

Now I'm on the same page. This is the ultra-noise-sensitive roommate with cultural differences.

I've moved towns and apartments a lot and had more terrible roommates than I could care to recall, but I do not believe I have a concrete solution to your current situation. You can try talking (it sounds like you already tried it) it works with most people, but the really bad roommates are the ones that will not listen (or will pretend to listen and then keep doing the same crap).

I wish that I had found a good solution to bad roommates, but I don't think one exists. At the end of the day, if one person is crazy or determined to be unreasonable, someone has got to move out; no amount of diplomacy checks will fix the problem. This doesn't mean give up on diplomacy, keep being civil and nice, and tolerating as much bull**** as you can, but before you do that you've got ask yourself: is it you or her that needs to move out? (Usually rephrased as: Can I get a better deal elsewhere?) Because, if she hasn't already, she will ask herself the same question in one way or another before long. If the answer is that you're not moving, then you may have to take a more assertive stance and (as diplomatically as possible) make certain that the roommate understands that you live there too and these encroachments on your privacy, and all the other weird stuff is in no uncertain terms, unacceptable and it has got to stop.

You can try to get outside parties involved, RA's or whatever, but usually, in my experience, that makes things descend rapidly into the passive-aggressive-struggle-for-dominance-of-the-apartment phase (the last phase before someone gives up completely and moves out on bad terms....you may want to avoid that, or maybe not it's down to you.) In summary, tell her diplomatically in terms that she cannot misunderstand that this **** is not acceptable and it's got to stop. If that doesn't work, then I believe the only way the situation is getting fixed is for someone to move out. Just be wary, it sounds like if you're not already at the passive-aggressive-struggle-for-dominance-of-the-apartment phase (abbreviated PASDA phase) then you are getting close.

[EDIT]
Also, links? There are none. Those are all roommates I've had, not even all of the bad ones. Needless to say I pay the significantly higher rate and rent without roommates now.

[WarKitty]

Yeah I know. We've only got a month left on this lease. It's not worth the hassle to try to get out early. I just had to continue the saga.

[Haluesen]

Skami that was a very well put together post. So I applaud you on your logic and reasoning skills, seeing as those are rare qualities at times.

Kitty (if it is alright for me to shorten your name to that), while I'm pretty sure no one involved gets any enjoyment out of what you are going through and I am deeply sorry for the uncomfortable rough situation, I do have to say that your comment of this being an ongoing saga got a small chuckle out of me. I hope that isn't a bad thing. I guess I'm just hoping for you that Bad Roomie moves out shortly so you won't have to deal with these harsh shenanigans anymore.

[WarKitty]

Kitty (if it is alright for me to shorten your name to that), while I'm pretty sure no one involved gets any enjoyment out of what you are going through and I am deeply sorry for the uncomfortable rough situation, I do have to say that your comment of this being an ongoing saga got a small chuckle out of me. I hope that isn't a bad thing. I guess I'm just hoping for you that Bad Roomie moves out shortly so you won't have to deal with these harsh shenanigans anymore.

Well it looks like I'm moving out soon anyway - not due to her, but due to the fact that Good Roomie is leaving town and I don't have anyone else I know around here to move in with. It looks like there's some nice studio apartments in the area that would be closer to school in any case and not a whole lot more in total cost.

It is sort of amusing at this point. Though it's sort of irritating how self-righteous Bad Roomie has managed to be this whole time. It's quite clear to her mind that she's just defending herself from her absolutely terrible, completely unreasonable roommates.

[Haluesen]

Well it looks like I'm moving out soon anyway - not due to her, but due to the fact that Good Roomie is leaving town and I don't have anyone else I know around here to move in with. It looks like there's some nice studio apartments in the area that would be closer to school in any case and not a whole lot more in total cost.

It is sort of amusing at this point. Though it's sort of irritating how self-righteous Bad Roomie has managed to be this whole time. It's quite clear to her mind that she's just defending herself from her absolutely terrible, completely unreasonable roommates.

Yikes that...sucks? Well your friend moving out is pretty bad, and being made to move can't be fun. But I guess it is good that soon you won't have to deal with the Bad Roomie. Sounds like one of those apartments isn't a bad idea. Still it probably sucks to have no one else around you really know. I know how that can be pretty terrible.

I think it's hard to be truly against someone when they think they're the good side of a fight. Although doesn't seem like that makes her any less annoying.

Anyway I hope your next living situation has shenanigans that are more amusing and adventurous than the way these ones have been.

[WarKitty]

Yikes that...sucks? Well your friend moving out is pretty bad, and being made to move can't be fun. But I guess it is good that soon you won't have to deal with the Bad Roomie. Sounds like one of those apartments isn't a bad idea. Still it probably sucks to have no one else around you really know. I know how that can be pretty terrible.

It sucks, but it's something I sort of knew going in. I'm a grad student, after all, in a 2-year program where everyone wants to go on to a longer program. And then you expect to spend a few years after your PhD bouncing between various temporary jobs. Moving is just part of the deal. You adapt to it.

I think it's hard to be truly against someone when they think they're the good side of a fight. Although doesn't seem like that makes her any less annoying.

This stuff actually annoys me more, in a way. It irritates me watching people do the wrong thing while firmly convinced that they're doing right. It irritates me, fundamentally, watching people do wrong and walk away thinking "I'm a good person for doing that" - and often even being rewarded for it. I've seen a lot of far worse cases than the roommate situation of that happening, even up to outright abuse and harassment that people were convinced was a good thing to do.

[INoKnowNames]

It sucks, but it's something I sort of knew going in. I'm a grad student, after all, in a 2-year program where everyone wants to go on to a longer program. And then you expect to spend a few years after your PhD bouncing between various temporary jobs. Moving is just part of the deal. You adapt to it.

The biggest thing here is just hoping that the Kitty (pardon my informality) has a nice roof to rest under upon moving. Gonna be okay?

This stuff actually annoys me more, in a way. It irritates me watching people do the wrong thing while firmly convinced that they're doing right. It irritates me, fundamentally, watching people do wrong and walk away thinking "I'm a good person for doing that" - and often even being rewarded for it. I've seen a lot of far worse cases than the roommate situation of that happening, even up to outright abuse and harassment that people were convinced was a good thing to do.

Warning: The following comes from the dirty mouth of an ignorant formal cripple that hasn't lived nearly as long as life as he should have to speak the volumes that he does, and probably should be taken with a grain of salt.

Those are probably the worst kind of people to think about in the grand scheme of it all. You can imagine people who do Bad things for genuinely Bad Reasons as the villains that they are, and hopefully they'll get what they deserve in the end. Not so much for those that are Well Intentioned but just plain wrong.

I haven't ready too much, but it looks like you're about to leave your situation involving said W-I-person. In that case, and especially in other cases where there might not be all that much you can really do, just learning to let it die and not affect your life too much more than it already does is probably the best thing you can do. And hopefully things will improve as you continue to work hard.

Just keep doing your best with the power that you've got, and don't let things like that, which it doesn't seem you really can do much about, eat away at you. Take care and be safe.

I should take some time to read up and see what else has been happening in my lapse of checking this thread: I've just been doing general prayers for "Friends from the Playground", with a few names in mind from before.

[Dal]

This may sound fairly minor, but god-DAMMIT I need to get this off my chest.

So, I got my report card back a few days ago, I did well in everything except for my English Regents, which I got a 77 on. At first my parents thought it was a mistake and contacted the school, but once the school checked their records and said that it was in fact my legitimate score (which I still have a hard time believing), my mother said I would have to retake it in August.

I'm absolutely pissed right now. Not only do I need to endure the tediousness of retaking it again, but also the fact that New York State WON'T TELL MY WHAT I GOT WRONG, meaning I HAVE NO CLUE what to study!

[dehro]

uhm.. stupid question..
English Regents???
not quite sure what the subject entails.

[Dal]

Oh, regents? Here in New York, the Final Exams administered by the states are called Regents Exams.

[Chen]

Wait 77 is a fail? Or you need to take it to get a better grade? How does that work? I know if I did ****ty on my provincial exams in high school, I was pretty much stuck with the grade unless I failed and had to repeat the year.

[Dal]

Wait 77 is a fail? Or you need to take it to get a better grade? How does that work? I know if I did ****ty on my provincial exams in high school, I was pretty much stuck with the grade unless I failed and had to repeat the year.

I'm just taking it again (under duress) to get better marks. I've passed it, it's just not good enough for my damn parents.

[Grinner]

I'm just taking it again (under duress) to get better marks. I've passed it, it's just not good enough for my damn parents.

It's probably no comfort now, but this too shall pass.

[Castaras]

How old are you? It shouldn't be up to your parents whether you retake something or not, and unless you yourself want to or need to for any further education, you shouldn't have to.

[Dal]

How old are you? It shouldn't be up to your parents whether you retake something or not, and unless you yourself want to or need to for any further education, you shouldn't have to.

I'm 16. And yes, my parents made that decision without telling me. Although, after calming down a bit, I'm inclined to agree with their decision, because I am intent on going to college, and a 77 on English is not gonna look good. (Stupid Lawful alignment )

The good news is, the retake's in August, so I don't need to worry about it for a month or so.

[dehro]

Oh, regents? Here in New York, the Final Exams administered by the states are called Regents Exams.

gotcha.. thanks

[Kitten Champion]

For the previous two months I've been volunteering with the Red Cross. Generally I've been enjoying the experience and found it gratifying.

My issue is I'm working with someone who repels me on a moral level.

There's no flaw in her work ethic or ability and her demeanour is professional, perhaps more than one can expect in a volunteer. When she told me that this work is merely a stepping stone to fulfill her ambitions, I understood that wanting a thing can sometimes reduce you to tunnel vision and my own motivations are not completely altruistic. Expecting sainthood from people just because they're here is petulant. I could even admire her for dropping a pretense to me, so long as she still respects the work she's assigned. If that was it, fine.

She is, however, a sociopath.

Perhaps I'm wrong, I'm not qualified for diagnosing people's psychological conditions by any stretch, but I really can't explain her in any other way without drawing back to that conclusion. Like it was written in bold font in the middle of a mind-map.

She believes fundamentally in her own natural superiority over the majority of the human race based on her intellect and social standing, that most humans are not worth basic respect as they are merely draining resources and taking up space without producing meaningfully. She believes in eugenics and utilitarianism, that the population should be removed of disruptive genetic traits and reproduction should be limited severely. She thinks men are objects she can use and discard at her own convenience and that emotional relationships are grossly overstated in their significance. She has no moral qualms about anything a human chooses to do to an animal, they are simply too beneath her to elicit serious consideration. Everything we've discussed and argued suggests she doesn't feel empathy for anyone else, and the whole world exists to either confound her with their inferiority or serve her ends. Her central goal in life involves obtaining a doctorate and becoming a geneticist to contribute to some overhaul of humanity corresponding to her views.

She has no reticence in talking about her worldview, which I might respect if I wasn't half-certain that she simply sees me as her inferior mustering up primitive arguments to her own sublime reasoning and gratifying her ego as a result.

My worldview can be described as the antithesis of her own, suffice it to say. I've never dealt with a human being who I have... I guess - contempt for. I try to understand people, even those I dislike, from their perspective. I can usually see why they act or think as they do even if I ultimately disagree with them. I try as much as possible to see them in more human light. I just can't do that with her, our views are too diverging.

My solution has simply been to avoid any subject matter which will lead to anything contentious between us (discussing procedure, the weather, our tastes in art - it's really difficult finding appropriate subject matter), but I still get this disquieting feeling in my stomach being around her. There's so much negativity - albeit entirely one sided as she's not reciprocating - when I'm around her. I've just never dealt with this before,

[Spiryt]

Lol, sounds like a real darling.

Sadly, most of ways of setting someone like that straight are illegal/not worth the fuss.

There was one dude on my University who believed himself German (despite 0 % of proficiency in that language, for starters) and disdained the Poles around him.

He was rather funny and not completely serious in his delusions though, so he wasn't really harmful.

[dehro]

@kitten champion...
I just love meeting people like that.. they're so much fun to watch implode when you burst their bubble

[Haluesen]

Well, that is certainly different. I don't know what exactly constitutes a "sociopath" but just from that description she sounds at least unpleasant. I don't envy the position you are in, but I guess you are doing the best you can in avoiding any topics that will...turn out badly for either of you. I guess all you can do is leave things as they are. Doesn't sound like she'd be willing to listen to any possible advice or criticism that anyone would try to give her.

But this is something you said you generally enjoy. I'd hate to hear of you giving up on it because of one (admittedly scary sounding) person.