Personal Woes and Advice 2

[WarKitty]

As dehro said, do everything you can to get everything in writing. An email is good, having it on department letterhead is better. At some point, you'll either get someone to address it (by shoving papers into their face from several other people saying "this is your job!"), or you'll have written evidence that everyone is trying to push you off onto another department, in which case you can (legitimately) go over their heads to get someone to force one (or more) of them to behave and give you what you need.

Yeah. The hard part right now is that I'm trying to make a case that I want a disability office to be involved in handling disability accommodations. I do not want to be sent off to work them out with an academic office. What I need to do is make the case for why the latter is not an option.

[Chen]

Yeah. The hard part right now is that I'm trying to make a case that I want a disability office to be involved in handling disability accommodations. I do not want to be sent off to work them out with an academic office. What I need to do is make the case for why the latter is not an option.

If the disability office DIRECTLY told you to go to the Academic office, you basically just need that in writing as people have said. Arguing with them isn't going to get you anywhere. You will have an official paper (or email) saying that someone else is responsible for this (the Academic office). If the Academic office wants to get indignant about it, they're the ones who need to take it up with the disability office. Or they can also give you some sort of thing in writing saying "take it up with the disability office".

In which case you have 2 pieces of contradicting, official documentation which you can use to move this to a higher level and have them deal with both offices who appear to be refusing to help you.

[WarKitty]

If the disability office DIRECTLY told you to go to the Academic office, you basically just need that in writing as people have said. Arguing with them isn't going to get you anywhere. You will have an official paper (or email) saying that someone else is responsible for this (the Academic office). If the Academic office wants to get indignant about it, they're the ones who need to take it up with the disability office. Or they can also give you some sort of thing in writing saying "take it up with the disability office".

In which case you have 2 pieces of contradicting, official documentation which you can use to move this to a higher level and have them deal with both offices who appear to be refusing to help you.

That's not the worry here. The worry here is that I will have to talk to the academic office eventually. I will get one shot at this. I am being told I have to go to an office which does NOT handle disability cases, with no school documentation requesting or recommending anything. The office I am being told to go to is NOT qualified to be handling these cases on their own, and I have serious concerns that I will be denied because of that due to my academic record.

[Chen]

That's not the worry here. The worry here is that I will have to talk to the academic office eventually. I will get one shot at this. I am being told I have to go to an office which does NOT handle disability cases, with no school documentation requesting or recommending anything. The office I am being told to go to is NOT qualified to be handling these cases on their own, and I have serious concerns that I will be denied because of that due to my academic record.

Well still getting it in writing is the first thing to do. If you're saying that department certainly can't handle this line of inquiry take that one piece of documentation you will have in writing and take THAT higher up.

I'm not really clear what your academic record has to do with your disability accommodation though. Why is that a concern?

[WarKitty]

Well still getting it in writing is the first thing to do. If you're saying that department certainly can't handle this line of inquiry take that one piece of documentation you will have in writing and take THAT higher up.

I'm not really clear what your academic record has to do with your disability accommodation though. Why is that a concern?

Basically, my academic record has a long list of incomplete classes. Without appropriate documentation, I would be judged ineligible on this. As it is I'm working to get the appropriate documentation through that I *am* undergoing treatment and should be able to finish, but I need certain accommodations. The trouble is that graduate assistants seem to fall into a weird gap where no one managed to make any coherent rules for who can give me them and make the decisions.

The graduate college rules are meant to weed out students who are not passing classes because they're incompetent or lazy. My concern is that without disability support I'm going to be put into that category.

[Chen]

Oh so its accommodation to finish your degree despite the incomplete classes? I can kinda see why the issue might be trickier then since its somewhat of an academic issue and somewhat of a disability issue.

At that point though, a letter from the disability department saying "go see the academic department" is almost de facto their support in it. You say "well the disability department said this was something you needed to do for me."

[WarKitty]

Oh so its accommodation to finish your degree despite the incomplete classes? I can kinda see why the issue might be trickier then since its somewhat of an academic issue and somewhat of a disability issue.

At that point though, a letter from the disability department saying "go see the academic department" is almost de facto their support in it. You say "well the disability department said this was something you needed to do for me."

Not really. What they said was "we can't do anything so you'll have to work it out with the academic department."

Trouble is, student disabilities handle academic issues related to disabilities. As a GA however it's also an employment issue. And the employment disabilities handles employment issues related to disabilities. Since this is both (I need academic accommodations relating to the academic requirements for employment), both offices said they couldn't help.

[rogueboy]

Not really. What they said was "we can't do anything so you'll have to work it out with the academic department."

Trouble is, student disabilities handle academic issues related to disabilities. As a GA however it's also an employment issue. And the employment disabilities handles employment issues related to disabilities. Since this is both (I need academic accommodations relating to the academic requirements for employment), both offices said they couldn't help.

Yeah, graduate assistants are in a weird in-between, where people like to treat you as either 'student' or 'staff' in a way that seems to be focused on being as unhelpful as possible. And sadly, each office sets it's own rules for how to deal with you, which is how you wound up in this situation in the first place.

Getting it in writing should be able to get you to a point where you can use what those offices have said to get someone to agree that someone (and really, you don't particularly care who, as they all should have the ability to offer you the same accommodations) is being ridiculous and needs to actually help you.

[theangelJean]

How do I even tell whether I should seek therapist or a psychiatrist?

Okay, this was a while ago and a page back, but, I know this one!

1) You make the first choice depending on how bad the situation is. If you feel like you have some issues that you need to work through but you're not in dire straits, you can find yourself a therapist - a counsellor, or a psychologist, or even a friendly General Practitioner (doctor) who has training in psychology. If you are in a situation where you simply cannot cope with things the way they are, or you think you might need medication, you can get a referral to a psychiatrist (who is a specialist doctor, but the process of getting to them depends on your health system).

2) Don't worry about making the "wrong" decision. If you see a therapist and they are extremely worried about you, or if they think you would benefit from medication, then they will suggest you see a psychiatrist or doctor as appropriate, and usually with a decent amount of urgency. If you decide to get a psychiatrist referral and they decide you don't need medication, they can still provide psychological therapy for you themselves, or they can refer you back to an appropriate psychologist or counsellor (and they'll have contacts to make it easier).

Really, if you feel like you need help, it's best to seek help, from whomever you can get access to, and if they aren't the right people to give you exactly the type of therapy you need, they should have a better idea of who can actually help you.

[dehro]

Not really. What they said was "we can't do anything so you'll have to work it out with the academic department."

that's very unlikely to be what they're going to put in writing though...and if it is, then that puts the ball very firmly in the academic deparment..who in their turn will probably point out the fallacy of the system rather than making a judgement call they may be called up on later. this is and remains an administrative issue rather than one of someone judging whether you're fit to be employed/studying there..which I reckon has already happened/is a direct consequence of your grades/situation.. or you wouldn't be searching for accomodation

[WarKitty]

that's very unlikely to be what they're going to put in writing though...and if it is, then that puts the ball very firmly in the academic deparment..who in their turn will probably point out the fallacy of the system rather than making a judgement call they may be called up on later. this is and remains an administrative issue rather than one of someone judging whether you're fit to be employed/studying there..which I reckon has already happened/is a direct consequence of your grades/situation.. or you wouldn't be searching for accomodation

Sort of. The graduate college can judge whether I'm fit to be employed and studying there. Typically they take the advice of the department chair, but in an unusual case like this there's a very real chance they might not. Simply put, I know the ball is in their court, but I think there's a very real chance for them to just foul things up if it's brought to them.

[Jon_Dahl]

I'm worried about my goddaughter.

She's five years old and obese. I don't know what to do about it. Her brothers were obese too when they were little and I thought it was genetic, but one of them simply decided to start living a healthier life and he's now a slender and athletic young man. So I don't think it's just about genes, I think it's about the parents.

I don't understand why my brother lets her daughter to be like this. When she visits my dad, she's able to eat like a horse, which strongly indicates that her body is accustomed to it. And she doesn't visit my dad that often.

I'm just so gutted about this whole thing. Of course she'll be an adult one day and may choose a normal life like my nephew, but this is just wrong.

[Crow]

It's in the parents' hands.

Talk to them, and if they make all manner of lame excuse, sigh and accept it. Then love and care for that little girl the best you can. Set a good example, and when she is older she make look up and want to be like you.

Good luck.

[Serpentine]

I was already worried about money - the big important things being renewing my licence, getting my cat vaccinated and possibly uni costs (though I think I can bypass those) - and now my cat has a huge lump on his face so I've gotta pay the vet twice and put off the vaccination for longer. I was already intending to avoid getting groceries this fortnight (I've got enough food to avoid starving, don't worry), but now I'll have to be extra picky, especially if I want to be able to afford the less important but time-locked lesser costs coming up.
I really, really hate being poor

[RCgothic]

I hope your cat is all right! I have two, and it's always awful when a bill arrives unexpectedly.

Money worries aren't fun either. I wouldn't exactly describe myself as poor, but I'm now in my fourth year of being extremely careful about what I spend, and with no end in sight it just grinds you down.

Commence Rant:

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I came out of uni at the bitter limit of my overdraft, and had an extension refused. I was out of work for nearly a year, and because I was living with my partner who was earning, I wasn't eligible for jobseekers allowance. I was still responsible for half our joint expenditure, and though I tried to make ends meet with little jobs, I ended up owing quite a bit.

When I finally did find work, I had to borrow money from my other half's family to afford the car I needed to commute. I was supposed to be able to pay them back at a reasonable rate, but I had an accident during the snow of '10/'11 that wiped out what I'd been saving to repay them. Shortly thereafter my work reduced my hours in order to survive the recession and I was barely breaking even.

So at the end of '11 I changed jobs. It was substantially more money, and it didn't require a car to get to. Even with putting money aside to repay debts, my partner and I decided we could afford a bigger place. The furniture was... more expensive than I'd anticipated...

Shortly thereafter my other half got a job offer out of the blue that required us to live apart during their training. I became responsible for a greater proportion of the rent, as my partner wasn't around so much, and suddenly in spite the brilliant new job I was barely breaking even again!

Round about September last year, the in-laws started getting impatient about the debt I owed them (not that I blamed them!), and it was placing enormous strain on my relationship as they pressured my other half about it. I wasn't even using the damn car! And to make matters worse, my computer died and needed replacing!

The low point came in January, when I finally gave in and sold my car. I'd paid off a little bit of my car debt, but it had devalued so that the amount I got barely covered what I still owed for it. At least that was one debt gone, but I had nothing to show for two and a half years of work. Since then my other half has finished training and moved back in, so that's allowed me to start clearing what I owe to them. Without any setbacks I might be debt free by December.

But even then I'll need to save up for a car, which as I'm not prepared to borrow for it again will take more than a year. I also need to find money for a mortgage deposit (so we can stop throwing money down the drain on rent), which will take years. There's still no end in sight!

Why can't I have nice things? I want to be able to get myself nice things without feeling guilty for a month.

[/end rant]

[Haluesen]

Seconding the hopes for your kitty. My grandma and I recently had some unexpected vet bill for two of our dogs. I'm just glad my grandma has a friend who was willing to help us with the money, otherwise I don't know what we would have done.

I can also sympathize with the "being poor sucks" thing. For many years our family lived paycheck to paycheck, having to move frequently when we couldn't keep up rent payments or having food issues. It was just something we got to expect. Even now while living with my grandma it isn't so dire, we have a good place to live for the foreseeable future and don't usually have issues with food until the end of the month. But even though things are mostly stable we don't have much to spare.

I think people with financial trouble mostly just learn to expect it, but shouldn't. You have to hope things will improve. Or it'll drive you mad. So I very much hope both of you find an improvement to your situations.

[WarKitty]

What no one tells you is just how hard being sick is. Or rather, the long-term effects. What no one tells you is that you will have to work harder - much harder - afterwards. If you were sick for a while, you'll be expected to work twice as hard after to make it up. Even if you're only halfway better, you still have a lot of work dropped on you.

It feels like it's starting a cycle. The stress makes me sick. But when I start to get better, there's so much stress involved in trying to get my life put back together. And I start to get sick again. But then there's more work after, because now you've been sick twice.

[Haluesen]

What no one tells you is just how hard being sick is. Or rather, the long-term effects. What no one tells you is that you will have to work harder - much harder - afterwards. If you were sick for a while, you'll be expected to work twice as hard after to make it up. Even if you're only halfway better, you still have a lot of work dropped on you.

It feels like it's starting a cycle. The stress makes me sick. But when I start to get better, there's so much stress involved in trying to get my life put back together. And I start to get sick again. But then there's more work after, because now you've been sick twice.

Geez, it's terrible that we live in a frequently unforgiving society. I'm sorry that you haven't been well Kitty. I hope for the day that maybe we humans can all cut each other a little slack when we are at our lowest. Maybe eventually it'll happen.

Stress illness is some of the worse. The only thing for that is to find something to relieve the stress, even on the short term. I can't stress enough how trying something at all to deal with it is better than nothing. I frequently get heavy stress due to my college work and the difficulty of finding work, so I have a lot of different games I play, comics I read, and I'm trying to be a more active member of the Playground, all to have a good way to handle stress. If there's somehow I can help you feel destressed let me know please. I've dealt with it and hated it and know how much worse it is to have no help. I would wish it on very few people and I'm up to try to help out.

[WarKitty]

Geez, it's terrible that we live in a frequently unforgiving society. I'm sorry that you haven't been well Kitty. I hope for the day that maybe we humans can all cut each other a little slack when we are at our lowest. Maybe eventually it'll happen.

Stress illness is some of the worse. The only thing for that is to find something to relieve the stress, even on the short term. I can't stress enough how trying something at all to deal with it is better than nothing. I frequently get heavy stress due to my college work and the difficulty of finding work, so I have a lot of different games I play, comics I read, and I'm trying to be a more active member of the Playground, all to have a good way to handle stress. If there's somehow I can help you feel destressed let me know please. I've dealt with it and hated it and know how much worse it is to have no help. I would wish it on very few people and I'm up to try to help out.

Right now the hard part is the academic system. It's grad school. The issue is that you can't just drop out and go back. A failed graduate degree is a bar to admittance anywhere else. Which means, instead of doing the sensible thing and leaving until things are more stable, you have to keep patching it together so you stay in school somehow. Which means you have to keep figuring out how to do incomplete classes while taking more of them.

[Haluesen]

Right now the hard part is the academic system. It's grad school. The issue is that you can't just drop out and go back. A failed graduate degree is a bar to admittance anywhere else. Which means, instead of doing the sensible thing and leaving until things are more stable, you have to keep patching it together so you stay in school somehow. Which means you have to keep figuring out how to do incomplete classes while taking more of them.

Yuck. That crap is crazy. I could see how that would make you stressed. Just asking how long have you been taking all these classes? And is it somehow possible to take less classes at a time until you have things worked out a little better? It would mean longer time until you complete it all but it may be a life saver in all this craziness.

[WarKitty]

Yuck. That crap is crazy. I could see how that would make you stressed. Just asking how long have you been taking all these classes? And is it somehow possible to take less classes at a time until you have things worked out a little better? It would mean longer time until you complete it all but it may be a life saver in all this craziness.

About 2 years now? The fewer classes thing was the whole fuss upthread - they've tied funding to taking a certain number of classes every semester you get funding. And it's being really hard to get out of.

[Haluesen]

About 2 years now? The fewer classes thing was the whole fuss upthread - they've tied funding to taking a certain number of classes every semester you get funding. And it's being really hard to get out of.

Oh, I kinda see, though not fully. I get the idea of it. It's sorta like how my financial aid only covers me taking so many classes; if I want to take more I'll need to start paying out of pocket every month. Although your circumstances sound somewhat more dire.

I was going to one college for almost a year but had to leave, but started taking classes online with the same school and had that for a bit more than a year but had problems with them and so had to leave. Now I'm with another school and have been for nearly a year but have been working to make up for errors of the past. Still once I graduate I am going to have a lot of school loans to make up. Education certainly has its trials doesn't it. I don't know what else can be done for your situation, other than how to avoid stress illness and try to take care of any other sickness you get as quickly as possible, and keep at that schoolwork no matter how daunting it gets.

[Serpentine]

I hope your cat is all right!

Seconding the hopes for your kitty.

He'll be fine. The vet will lance it and clean it up and give me some antibiotics to give him. The hard part's gonna be paying for it and having funds left over for other things... I had a look at what I've got and what I need to pay for this fortnight and I should be alright - except, of course, that I never work those things out right. I'm starting to think that maybe I should take up a friend's offer to move in with them; it'll be a massive pain in the arse to move and my current housemates won't be at all impressed and overall the house is significantly crappier and less ideally placed than this one, but it's also $65/fortnight cheaper and I like the people who live there (and also the kitchen's bigger). It's also significantly further from my uni, though, and I've just started studying...
The other issue is gonna be getting him to his 4pm appointment and to my 5pm class without a car. Gonna have to get a taxi at least one way, which is gonna be more money -.-

[rogueboy]

He'll be fine. The vet will lance it and clean it up and give me some antibiotics to give him. The hard part's gonna be paying for it and having funds left over for other things... I had a look at what I've got and what I need to pay for this fortnight and I should be alright - except, of course, that I never work those things out right. I'm starting to think that maybe I should take up a friend's offer to move in with them; it'll be a massive pain in the arse to move and my current housemates won't be at all impressed and overall the house is significantly crappier and less ideally placed than this one, but it's also $65/fortnight cheaper and I like the people who live there (and also the kitchen's bigger). It's also significantly further from my uni, though, and I've just started studying...
The other issue is gonna be getting him to his 4pm appointment and to my 5pm class without a car. Gonna have to get a taxi at least one way, which is gonna be more money -.-

In terms of whether or not to move, make sure you remember to account for the cost (both money and time) of that longer commute - it may end up making that $65/fortnight look a lot smaller and less worthwhile. And then there's the actual cost of moving, which might be saved in time, but can you swing the cost right now?

I'm just throwing out things to think about.

[MetDitto]

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so, trying not to lapse and have an encore of my self-harm episode earlier this week is... hard.

[Haluesen]

He'll be fine. The vet will lance it and clean it up and give me some antibiotics to give him. The hard part's gonna be paying for it and having funds left over for other things... I had a look at what I've got and what I need to pay for this fortnight and I should be alright - except, of course, that I never work those things out right. I'm starting to think that maybe I should take up a friend's offer to move in with them; it'll be a massive pain in the arse to move and my current housemates won't be at all impressed and overall the house is significantly crappier and less ideally placed than this one, but it's also $65/fortnight cheaper and I like the people who live there (and also the kitchen's bigger). It's also significantly further from my uni, though, and I've just started studying...
The other issue is gonna be getting him to his 4pm appointment and to my 5pm class without a car. Gonna have to get a taxi at least one way, which is gonna be more money -.-

It's definitely something to consider at least. Dang gotta hate those tough money situations. Glad your cat will be good though.

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so, trying not to lapse and have an encore of my self-harm episode earlier this week is... hard.

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That is...very not good. If I may ask, what has you majorly considering that?

I guess it is about time I talk about my own stuff again here. If it was just one little thing then I think I'd be fine, but I have so much bringing me down that just all got to me at once and I just have to let it out somehow. Even if this is all ignored, I guess I just gotta say something. It's just a small smorgasbord of what (to me) feel like major issues. I am fat. Well, maybe not, the rational part of me says I'm just a bit thicker than I used to be a year ago, but that is a small part in the rest of my mind that honestly just hates ever even looking at myself. It's a significant weight gain and though some of it I can say is muscle, it isn't really noticeable. It's bad enough that just seeing myself in a mirror makes me uncomfortable now. I hate it utterly. I try to work out more to burn it away but it's hard to stick to a schedule and it doesn't help that I typically eat more when upset lately, and the fact that my current living situation allows me to eat more than the last 6 or more years has. I hate how I am but trying to deal with it is getting tough and makes me feel worse about myself, truly pathetic.

It was also brought to my attention tonight that honestly I don't have a lot of knowledge I should. I have knowledge and skills from school and college but I know nothing about living. How to get a house, how to pay bills and taxes, how to keep a job, how to use the skills I have learned to get a job, basically any way to contribute to society and integrate myself as an independent part of it, all are completely over my head. It scares me, and makes me feel even more pathetic. I don't even know where to start with learning any of this.

I have a lot of issues talking to my girlfriend. We have a long-distance relationship where we try to call or text as much as we can, or Skype when my computer feels like working. But sometimes the time we have for communication is rather limited or far between, and we can start to have a conversation about something only to not continue that conversation because it will be so long before she can text me back. And I just hate dropping those conversations, no matter how important or unimportant they are. And it happens more and more, and piles up on my mind and heart, and it just makes it hard to keep the sadness in. And I hate telling her or most people about my issues because I hate to bring others down. The only reason I can even do this is because I am so desperate to just get all this out, and am really figuring that no one will respond to it anyway. I can't cry to let it out, nothing else seems to assuage it, and she just went to bed and has to get up early tomorrow, or I would have just said it all to her. Even then, she is good at making me feel better, calm, but not good at helping me actually deal with something that has me down, or in this case many things. It all just builds up and stacks and gets crazy, as anyone who reads this may be able to tell. It was her mentioning this dieting pill thing she is considering that may me think about all the weight stuff and built up to the other things. She spoke about someone's experience with the pill as if it were supposed to be inspirational, and all it did was make me feel worse and worse, and I couldn't tell her.

I guess I have other bad thoughts swarming around in my head but as I write this it just gets harder and harder to put it all into effective words. It all adds up to me feeling something I try so very hard not to feel: genuine hatred for my existence. She hates when I think or talk that way, and I truly do try to keep positive, but sometimes I just can't take it.

I guess that's all of it. I don't really expect anyone to say anything, but again just getting it out...maybe it's something, maybe it's no help at all, but I at least had to try and get these thoughts somewhere. Now I am off to see if I can get myself to cry about it at all. I'll probably be online for many more hours. Going without much sleep is pretty common for me in these moods.

[WarKitty]

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I guess it is about time I talk about my own stuff again here. If it was just one little thing then I think I'd be fine, but I have so much bringing me down that just all got to me at once and I just have to let it out somehow. Even if this is all ignored, I guess I just gotta say something. It's just a small smorgasbord of what (to me) feel like major issues. I am fat. Well, maybe not, the rational part of me says I'm just a bit thicker than I used to be a year ago, but that is a small part in the rest of my mind that honestly just hates ever even looking at myself. It's a significant weight gain and though some of it I can say is muscle, it isn't really noticeable. It's bad enough that just seeing myself in a mirror makes me uncomfortable now. I hate it utterly. I try to work out more to burn it away but it's hard to stick to a schedule and it doesn't help that I typically eat more when upset lately, and the fact that my current living situation allows me to eat more than the last 6 or more years has. I hate how I am but trying to deal with it is getting tough and makes me feel worse about myself, truly pathetic.

It was also brought to my attention tonight that honestly I don't have a lot of knowledge I should. I have knowledge and skills from school and college but I know nothing about living. How to get a house, how to pay bills and taxes, how to keep a job, how to use the skills I have learned to get a job, basically any way to contribute to society and integrate myself as an independent part of it, all are completely over my head. It scares me, and makes me feel even more pathetic. I don't even know where to start with learning any of this.

I have a lot of issues talking to my girlfriend. We have a long-distance relationship where we try to call or text as much as we can, or Skype when my computer feels like working. But sometimes the time we have for communication is rather limited or far between, and we can start to have a conversation about something only to not continue that conversation because it will be so long before she can text me back. And I just hate dropping those conversations, no matter how important or unimportant they are. And it happens more and more, and piles up on my mind and heart, and it just makes it hard to keep the sadness in. And I hate telling her or most people about my issues because I hate to bring others down. The only reason I can even do this is because I am so desperate to just get all this out, and am really figuring that no one will respond to it anyway. I can't cry to let it out, nothing else seems to assuage it, and she just went to bed and has to get up early tomorrow, or I would have just said it all to her. Even then, she is good at making me feel better, calm, but not good at helping me actually deal with something that has me down, or in this case many things. It all just builds up and stacks and gets crazy, as anyone who reads this may be able to tell. It was her mentioning this dieting pill thing she is considering that may me think about all the weight stuff and built up to the other things. She spoke about someone's experience with the pill as if it were supposed to be inspirational, and all it did was make me feel worse and worse, and I couldn't tell her.

I guess I have other bad thoughts swarming around in my head but as I write this it just gets harder and harder to put it all into effective words. It all adds up to me feeling something I try so very hard not to feel: genuine hatred for my existence. She hates when I think or talk that way, and I truly do try to keep positive, but sometimes I just can't take it.

I guess that's all of it. I don't really expect anyone to say anything, but again just getting it out...maybe it's something, maybe it's no help at all, but I at least had to try and get these thoughts somewhere. Now I am off to see if I can get myself to cry about it at all. I'll probably be online for many more hours. Going without much sleep is pretty common for me in these moods.

Is there anything you do that just makes you feel good? It's harder to advise for guys because there's so much less out there - but hell, maybe you should go see if you can put together a victorian or steampunk outfit. Or just imagine putting together one. Or if that's not your thing try for something awesome exercise-wise that'll make you feel good regardless of your weight.

Doesn't just apply to exercise. There's plenty of finance 101 stuff out there to learn. Look around for programs that help place people in jobs. When you get one, pay attention to any training and ask questions.

Develop a bedtime routine, if you can. Helps go to sleep. You can also look for various OTC or herbal remedies if sleep is truly needed.

Finally *kitten hugs* for everything else.

[Haluesen]

Is there anything you do that just makes you feel good? It's harder to advise for guys because there's so much less out there - but hell, maybe you should go see if you can put together a victorian or steampunk outfit. Or just imagine putting together one. Or if that's not your thing try for something awesome exercise-wise that'll make you feel good regardless of your weight.

Doesn't just apply to exercise. There's plenty of finance 101 stuff out there to learn. Look around for programs that help place people in jobs. When you get one, pay attention to any training and ask questions.

Develop a bedtime routine, if you can. Helps go to sleep. You can also look for various OTC or herbal remedies if sleep is truly needed.

Finally *kitten hugs* for everything else.

Well there are quite a few things I can do to feel good. Usually they help. I play a great game, or work on D&D stuff, or call a friend, or something similar. Those typically work. Not when I am max-level upsetness like I am right now, which again is the point of me writing all this. I've never looked into steampunk clothing but I am somewhat interested. And exercise...I think the problem is I want to, and I try to, but it's very hard to keep up consistently, and when I fail to keep it up I feel worse for not doing it. Kinda a cycle of sorts.

I will heed your advice on the finance stuff though. I'd start looking now, but it is almost midnight here. It can keep til tomorrow. But I will be a good Hal and listen.

Well...I don't really have any problems with sleeping. If I am tired, I can fall asleep just fine. It's just that when I feel like this I don't want to sleep, and force myself to stay awake until I can barely walk from the computer to bed. It is very bad for me, and I acknowledge this, but sometimes it gets so hard to resist.

My objections aside, thank you for your words. :smallcryingsmile: I really do feel that my problems are rarely worth the concern of others. A lifetime of trying to help others, and yet insisting I'm not deserving. Weird right? But the kitten hugs absolutely help. I've learned to appreciate those. Again thank you. Just having someone willing to not let me brood alone is wonderful. (Well, again my girlfriend would help, were she not 2 hours ahead of me and deep asleep.)

[rogueboy]

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so, trying not to lapse and have an encore of my self-harm episode earlier this week is... hard.

If you need to talk, we're always here. Or you can PM me if you want more privacy than the thread provides.

It was also brought to my attention tonight that honestly I don't have a lot of knowledge I should. I have knowledge and skills from school and college but I know nothing about living. How to get a house, how to pay bills and taxes, how to keep a job, how to use the skills I have learned to get a job, basically any way to contribute to society and integrate myself as an independent part of it, all are completely over my head. It scares me, and makes me feel even more pathetic. I don't even know where to start with learning any of this.

Sorry you're having such a rough time right now

(I'm focusing on a small area, I know) I don't know/remember how far removed you are from school, but those skills aren't taught, at least not in any class I ever saw. A lot of those skills are things you learn as you go. Do you have any friends or family who seem to have a particular area under control? For example, I know I have friends who are going through grad school, so if I'm overwhelmed by school I might look to them for ideas of how to deal with it. For something like taxes or buying my car (a few years back now), I asked my dad for help. By having them help you (NOT having them do it for you), you'll pick up some tricks they use to get it done easier/better/faster. Then, if you have to do that (or something similar) again, you have a better starting point for going it alone, or for learning something new the next time you get help. Remember that (most) people like helping those around them.

That being said, there are some things that you just won't do enough times in your life to make it worth learning well enough to do solo - buying a house comes to mind for this category; you're probably best just paying a realtor to help you out. It may be expensive, but at least you know (as long as you got a good one) that they'll do it right.

[dehro]

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so, trying not to lapse and have an encore of my self-harm episode earlier this week is... hard.

may I suggest switching from selfharming to abusing Nutella?