New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Page 50 of 50 FirstFirst ... 254041424344454647484950
Results 1,471 to 1,500 of 1500
  1. - Top - End - #1471
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    Because perfection is what you need to pass the road test. You make one little mistake, if your bumper so much as touches one of those flags, you're done, you have to start over, and on these later tries I have to pay to take the test, which is another expense on top of my student loans and stuff!
    Oh. An obstacle course...I'm so sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    That's what my dad and my psychiatrist have both said, but that's not the standard my mother holds, and it's my mother who keeps nagging me to go into professions I hate because they use my degree and otherwise I wasted my time and money.
    That's a value judgement, an opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    Because when various family members have caught me...admiring...fan art of various television and video game series female characters depicted as obese, the response has invariably been "You're disgusting" and "Don't look at that stuff on the computer."
    That's also a value judgement.

    Also, was the disgust directed more towards the characters, or the fact that you were "admiring" them? I think the distinction there is important.

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And I think most people would view a bucket-list consisting solely of video games to be pathetic, compared to doing things like owning a house, getting married, or starting a metal band.
    Another value judgement. Owning a house, getting married, and starting a metal band are not objectively superior goals (and, in the first and third cases, are a bit overrated anyway).

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    And that's something I stress over so much I never get started. I can't count how many times I've been afraid to even start writing because I'm worried it's gonna come out like crap.
    That's why you write a rough draft. I think the key is to get something down on paper. Once you've got something to work with, the rest should come a bit easier.

    Try giving your subject a name and basic concept first. I've found that helps me focus a bit.

    Also, write on actual paper. It's too easy to get distracted while on a computer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    I don't know anymore. I don't have any real idea of where I want to go beyond "pay off college debt so Mom stops berating me about it."
    Well, at least you've got a good start.

  2. - Top - End - #1472
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Earth?
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I had promised myself I wouldn't make this sort of post again when I came back, but given all the other ones I've broken to myself over the years I doubt it'll make any difference in the grand scheme of things.

    You know how it goes, insert the usual self-deprecating disclaimer here.

    Spoiler
    Show


    I don't drink alcohol. This is something that I'm aware is highly unusual, particularly given the socio-religious demographic I fall into. I have a few reasons for this. The one I generally tell people is that I simply never acquired the taste for it, which is entirely true. There are a few other factors involved though. Firstly, there's the likely concern that I would not be pleasant company if I was drunk - I'm difficult enough as it is sober at times. But Silver, you say, it's entirely possible to drink and not get drunk. This is true - although you'd be forgiven for not knowing that given how the British treat alcohol - but the concern is compounded by the third main reason: alcohol is a very popular 'self-medication' and I have quite poor impulse control. The upshot of which being, if it turns out that I can 'drown my sorrows', I am going to have a difficult job turning that switch off.
    Sometimes I have trouble reminding myself that would be a worse situation than not doing so. Lately, I'm starting to wonder whether it might not be worth a shot anyway. Because I don't seem to have much in the way of 'real' options left.


    But I'm getting ahead of myself.


    Mentally, the emotion I've become more acquainted with is hatred. Self-hatred's nothing new, but it's a blossomed a bit beyond that. An spiralling cloud of undirected loathing and hostility. It's not that I've stopped hating myself, more that my self-loathing has, for want of a better analogy, levelled-up. Not the first time it's happened, but this phase has been hanging around for a while now.
    I know why it has. The root cause is fairly clear. But knowing that doesn't make it go away. As you can imagine this hasn't made me very easy to deal with. Although there are fewer people to deal with anyway - since I've also been losing the ability to talk to people.


    To clarify that a bit, it's pretty much become the case that I have, effectively, fallen off the world. I do not have what you'd call a life, and that rather puts a limit on the conversation options - especially when the only subjects about myself that aren't just 'the same depressing topics of complaints' are now firmly in the DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT category. So unless there's an established 'topic of discussion' I'm not generally able to do much in conversation anymore.
    Unsurprisingly, I don't have much in the way of friends left. I'm not even sure if I'm bothered by that at this point.

  3. - Top - End - #1473
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Grinner View Post
    Oh. An obstacle course...I'm so sorry.
    I can't tell if that is sarcasm or not.
    That's a value judgement, an opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.
    Yeah, but when someone's letting you live in their basement, rent-free (another embarrassing stereotype I represent). Part of it is that my mother views my success or failure as indicative of her skills as a parent and an occupational therapist. When I fail to meet her standards, I make her look bad to her peers. According to her, because I got fired from a job at the school she worked at, her co-workers now all laugh at her behind her back (they don't, and they've told me that point-blank, that my losing the job had NO bearing on their personal opinions of me or my family).
    That's also a value judgement.

    Also, was the disgust directed more towards the characters, or the fact that you were "admiring" them? I think the distinction there is important.
    Both, sort of. I'm not comfortable discussing this further publicly. PM me if you'd like me to go into detail.
    Another value judgement. Owning a house, getting married, and starting a metal band are not objectively superior goals (and, in the first and third cases, are a bit overrated anyway).
    But doing these things would get my mother to stop bothering me about them.
    That's why you write a rough draft. I think the key is to get something down on paper. Once you've got something to work with, the rest should come a bit easier.

    Try giving your subject a name and basic concept first. I've found that helps me focus a bit.

    Also, write on actual paper. It's too easy to get distracted while on a computer.
    And we get to my real problem. Of giving up when it looks like something will be too hard or take too long.
    Well, at least you've got a good start.
    But I'm not earning the money fast enough, so my mom's still bugging me about it!
    Last edited by Archpaladin Zousha; 2013-08-04 at 11:37 PM.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  4. - Top - End - #1474
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Grinner View Post
    Also, was the disgust directed more towards the characters, or the fact that you were "admiring" them? I think the distinction there is important.
    One more thought on this, and you don't need to answer this, just think about it: Was the disgust related to *what* you were looking at, or *who* you were looking at? It may be that their disgust would be exactly the same whether it was "atypical" body-types or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grinner View Post
    Oh. An obstacle course...I'm so sorry.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    I can't tell if that is sarcasm or not.
    I'm going to speak for Grinner here and say it wasn't. Because whether he was being sarcastic or not, I can say the exact same thing *without* being sarcastic. Obstacle courses SUCK!

    Yeah, but when someone's letting you live in their basement, rent-free (another embarrassing stereotype I represent).
    Fellow rent-free basement dweller here. Is it ideal? No, obviously not. But if you're able to leverage that into additional savings and moving towards independence, it's fine as an interim solution.

    Part of it is that my mother views my success or failure as indicative of her skills as a parent and an occupational therapist. When I fail to meet her standards, I make her look bad to her peers. According to her, because I got fired from a job at the school she worked at, her co-workers now all laugh at her behind her back (they don't, and they've told me that point-blank, that my losing the job had NO bearing on their personal opinions of me or my family).
    This is PURELY a reflection on your mother's insecurities. Her view of how things affect people's views of her, whether correct or not, is a problem that SHE has. As those coworkers have told you, your success or failure (and that failure may have been because of a poor matching of work to skills, and not a personal failure - regardless of what it looks like) isn't actually affecting their opinions of either of you; and I'd take that as a clue that they see it more as a mismatch of skills/requirements than a personal failure.

    Now, that being said, I recognize that it is incredibly hard to make yourself realize that. All I'm trying to do is point out another way of looking at things, since I know that you and I have a tendency to lock in on a certain viewpoint, even if it doesn't make any sense from the outside.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Silver View Post
    I had promised myself I wouldn't make this sort of post again when I came back, but given all the other ones I've broken to myself over the years I doubt it'll make any difference in the grand scheme of things.

    You know how it goes, insert the usual self-deprecating disclaimer here.

    Spoiler
    Show


    I don't drink alcohol. This is something that I'm aware is highly unusual, particularly given the socio-religious demographic I fall into. I have a few reasons for this. The one I generally tell people is that I simply never acquired the taste for it, which is entirely true. There are a few other factors involved though. Firstly, there's the likely concern that I would not be pleasant company if I was drunk - I'm difficult enough as it is sober at times. But Silver, you say, it's entirely possible to drink and not get drunk. This is true - although you'd be forgiven for not knowing that given how the British treat alcohol - but the concern is compounded by the third main reason: alcohol is a very popular 'self-medication' and I have quite poor impulse control. The upshot of which being, if it turns out that I can 'drown my sorrows', I am going to have a difficult job turning that switch off.
    Sometimes I have trouble reminding myself that would be a worse situation than not doing so. Lately, I'm starting to wonder whether it might not be worth a shot anyway. Because I don't seem to have much in the way of 'real' options left.


    But I'm getting ahead of myself.


    Mentally, the emotion I've become more acquainted with is hatred. Self-hatred's nothing new, but it's a blossomed a bit beyond that. An spiralling cloud of undirected loathing and hostility. It's not that I've stopped hating myself, more that my self-loathing has, for want of a better analogy, levelled-up. Not the first time it's happened, but this phase has been hanging around for a while now.
    I know why it has. The root cause is fairly clear. But knowing that doesn't make it go away. As you can imagine this hasn't made me very easy to deal with. Although there are fewer people to deal with anyway - since I've also been losing the ability to talk to people.


    To clarify that a bit, it's pretty much become the case that I have, effectively, fallen off the world. I do not have what you'd call a life, and that rather puts a limit on the conversation options - especially when the only subjects about myself that aren't just 'the same depressing topics of complaints' are now firmly in the DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT category. So unless there's an established 'topic of discussion' I'm not generally able to do much in conversation anymore.
    Unsurprisingly, I don't have much in the way of friends left. I'm not even sure if I'm bothered by that at this point.
    Spoiler
    Show
    May I ask what it is that triggered the spike this time? It's often easier to deal with the cause, rather than the effect. If you want to stick to PM for that discussion, feel free.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  5. - Top - End - #1475
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Sabeki's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Cascadia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    I can't tell if that is sarcasm or not.

    Yeah, but when someone's letting you live in their basement, rent-free (another embarrassing stereotype I represent). Part of it is that my mother views my success or failure as indicative of her skills as a parent and an occupational therapist. When I fail to meet her standards, I make her look bad to her peers. According to her, because I got fired from a job at the school she worked at, her co-workers now all laugh at her behind her back (they don't, and they've told me that point-blank, that my losing the job had NO bearing on their personal opinions of me or my family).

    Both, sort of. I'm not comfortable discussing this further publicly. PM me if you'd like me to go into detail.

    But doing these things would get my mother to stop bothering me about them.

    And we get to my real problem. Of giving up when it looks like something will be too hard or take too long.

    But I'm not earning the money fast enough, so my mom's still bugging me about it!
    It seems like your mom is a large source of your problems. If you haven't already talked to her about it, talk to her about it.

    ]Also, are you earning enough money to room with somebody?
    The statement below is true
    The statement above is false

    Thanks to Grinner Cuthalion for the avatar!

    Want to play a birdie in 4e? Come check it out!

  6. - Top - End - #1476
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    obstacle courses...I don't know why but they make me laugh.
    where I live, the practical side of the driving license test happens on the street. with real life traffic.

    then again, we don't get to do that until we're 18
    All hail Smutmulch for crafting my avatar!
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  7. - Top - End - #1477
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Sabeki View Post
    It seems like your mom is a large source of your problems. If you haven't already talked to her about it, talk to her about it.

    ]Also, are you earning enough money to room with somebody?
    I have. She doesn't listen. She claims my complaints are just me making excuses so I don't have to do work.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  8. - Top - End - #1478
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    What do you do when half of your life is misery and the other is blind rage?

    Everything I do falls short for everyone around me. And when I screw up in his eyes, Dad blames it on everyone in the damn house. So I just make others miserable by existing and trying. We live in an upper-middle class neighborhood with a frankly luxurious lifestyle and all I can think about is how much I want to die in a gutter, alone and away from this place.

    I actually have fantasies of dieing hungry, broken and alone. I have considered suicide over lawn work.

    It's not like I'm hit or beat, there's just a lot of yelling. But it feels like I'm living in a police state with bread and circuses. Every day I wake up feeling inadequate and miserable, punctuated by occasional bouts of rage. There's no stimulation, no motivation, no passion in anything I do anymore. I feel like a corpse that's been taught how to walk amongst men. And when I consider just how lucky I am and how few of my problems would even register on other people's radars I feel even worse.

    And it only alleviates with fantasies of pain, suffering and loss. I don't even really care any more if I hurt Dad or me or whoever, I just rage and scream and hate and curse at the walls and then it all burns away and I just feel empty...

    People told me college years were the best time of your life. If this is the rising action, I'd like to skip the climax and the falling action and just shut the damn book, please. I'm just tired of turning pages.

    There's nothing in this story worth reading... Just burn it and pick up another one.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2013-08-05 at 05:06 PM.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

    When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th

    Discord: HalfTangible

    Extended Sig

  9. - Top - End - #1479
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    California
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    What do you do when half of your life is misery and the other is blind rage?

    Everything I do falls short for everyone around me. And when I screw up in his eyes, Dad blames it on everyone in the damn house. So I just make others miserable by existing and trying. We live in an upper-middle class neighborhood with a frankly luxurious lifestyle and all I can think about is how much I want to die in a gutter, alone and away from this place.

    I actually have fantasies of dieing hungry, broken and alone. I have considered suicide over lawn work.

    It's not like I'm hit or beat, there's just a lot of yelling. But it feels like I'm living in a police state with bread and circuses. Every day I wake up feeling inadequate and miserable, punctuated by occasional bouts of rage. There's no stimulation, no motivation, no passion in anything I do anymore. I feel like a corpse that's been taught how to walk amongst men. And when I consider just how lucky I am and how few of my problems would even register on other people's radars I feel even worse.

    And it only alleviates with fantasies of pain, suffering and loss. I don't even really care any more if I hurt Dad or me or whoever, I just rage and scream and hate and curse at the walls and then it all burns away and I just feel empty...

    People told me college years were the best time of your life. If this is the rising action, I'd like to skip the climax and the falling action and just shut the damn book, please. I'm just tired of turning pages.

    There's nothing in this story worth reading... Just burn it and pick up another one.
    I hope this isn't too wrong, but it sounds like a lot of the problem and horrible feelings stems from where you're living. I know it is easier said than done, really I do, but it seems the first step to getting through these feelings you have is getting away from that environment. Again yeah, not easy. But you could look into options. Removing yourself from a situation that pulls you down can do wonders. There has to be some way, some possibility of somewhere else you could be.

    I don't see college years as the best time of a person's life. Truthfully, I think "the best time" is just something you have to make yourself. This world is designed to pull at the spirit, to push and to break, but that doesn't mean you have to let it. My thought is living every day to spite the way the world is. And that does include fighting thoughts of suicide. It may be bad, but it can always get better. And if no one else will make it better, you must strive for it yourself, and no matter what in time no one is alone in this.

    It does sound rather like a problem that you should see someone more professional about, but you came here with something on your mind that needed saying, and that deserves at least someone trying. I do hope for you that if all this doesn't help that someone else reads what you have to say and can be more inspirational. My only practical advice is to get away from your Dad and the rest and find something to motivate you, to be passionate about.

    And if I may, I offer supportive hugses, and very much hope that something here or elsewhere is able to assist you with your thoughts and that you don't consider death more than you already have.
    Spoiler: Sigs about the Internet and Life
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Amidus Drexel View Post
    Yeah... even if it's a fairly friendly place by the internet's standards... it's still the internet. A certain level of pedantic bickering is to be expected.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    The forums can't universally agree that the sun will rise in the east. Disagreement is what we do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacior
    If I can get a pet dinosaur, I totally will. My low wisdom means a raptor looks like a great guard dog.


    Awesome Holy Knight Haluesen avatar done by the uber skilled Grinner!

  10. - Top - End - #1480
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    What do you do when half of your life is misery and the other is blind rage?

    Everything I do falls short for everyone around me. And when I screw up in his eyes, Dad blames it on everyone in the damn house. So I just make others miserable by existing and trying. We live in an upper-middle class neighborhood with a frankly luxurious lifestyle and all I can think about is how much I want to die in a gutter, alone and away from this place.

    I actually have fantasies of dieing hungry, broken and alone. I have considered suicide over lawn work.

    It's not like I'm hit or beat, there's just a lot of yelling. But it feels like I'm living in a police state with bread and circuses. Every day I wake up feeling inadequate and miserable, punctuated by occasional bouts of rage. There's no stimulation, no motivation, no passion in anything I do anymore. I feel like a corpse that's been taught how to walk amongst men. And when I consider just how lucky I am and how few of my problems would even register on other people's radars I feel even worse.

    And it only alleviates with fantasies of pain, suffering and loss. I don't even really care any more if I hurt Dad or me or whoever, I just rage and scream and hate and curse at the walls and then it all burns away and I just feel empty...

    People told me college years were the best time of your life. If this is the rising action, I'd like to skip the climax and the falling action and just shut the damn book, please. I'm just tired of turning pages.

    There's nothing in this story worth reading... Just burn it and pick up another one.
    Implied disclaimer made explicit: I am not a professional, nor do I have training in this area. That said...

    Your portrayal strikes me as possible abuse. Not physical, as you note, but mental abuse. Your father is creating a situation wherein you, as you say, "make others miserable by existing," which is going to, almost by definition, create a hostile environment for you. This is the opposite of what parents are supposed to do.

    If things are bad enough to be even remotely described as a police state (and I'm assuming here that there isn't a direct, reasonable cause for his behavior), then it's a problem. You could try calling a crisis clinic (put "crisis clinic [your area]" into Google and something should come up near the top) in order to confidentially discuss your situation and get some ideas of who to talk to for answers, if not some options directly from them.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  11. - Top - End - #1481
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    People told me college years were the best time of your life. If this is the rising action, I'd like to skip the climax and the falling action and just shut the damn book, please. I'm just tired of turning pages.
    Generally the people who say this are those who have gone out on their own for the first time. That freedom to live your life how you choose to is generally the "best" part of that. I'd second Haluesen's suggestion and move out on your own. The environment you mention in your house does seem toxic and getting away from that might help you.

  12. - Top - End - #1482
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Moonwolf727's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    England
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I uh

    I really hope I'm doing this right and not messing it up. I have a friend with the weirdest phobia imaginable and it basically tortures him when he doesn't have anyone around him because he can't really deal with it.

    I'm fairly sure its called Phronemophobia.

    The thing is that I'm not sure how I can help, there are plenty of ways I could access the internet and just look things up, reccomended ways of helping people cope and suchlike, but I can't be sure any of it is true without someone to vouch for it....

    Could any of you link me to some resources at all, ones you know aren't just messing with people?
    Last edited by Moonwolf727; 2013-08-06 at 02:21 PM.
    Avatar by Grinner

  13. - Top - End - #1483
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Arad, Israel
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Hi, my name is Sir_Leorik, and this is my first time posting in this thread.

    I have some questions about how to deal with abusive commenters on another website, namely how to deal with disparaging remarks. I am trying not to identify the website in question (it is for another webcomic which has a mostly unmoderated comments section), and the event in question occurred yesterday.

    The webcomic in question deals occasionally with real world topics, including politics and religion, in the storyline. Whenever these topics come up in the webcomic, the comments section turn into a sewer of what I consider, at best, disparaging comments against my ethnicity. Yesterday, against my better judgment I was drawn into a discussion of real world religious issues (I did not begin the discussion, and in hindsight I should have avoided the discussion like the plague). I posted a brief comment that was misconstrued by several other posters. In addition one commenter was arguing with another, and in my opinion the first commenter was badgering the second, and I stood up on her behalf. Other posters rallied to the aid of the first commenter, including the author of the webcomic. The author then began arguing with me, and I responded to his bait, saying something confrontational. At this point he banned me, and went onto Twitter to announce he'd done so.

    Needless to say I was angered and annoyed with the author of the webcomic. I know that I should not have risen to his bait, but he banned me at the very moment I was trying to walk back what I'd written and bury the hatchet. I also know that in the grand scheme of things this shouldn't bother me, but I have a history of taking insults like this personally, whether they are delivered in person or on-line. The experience has soured me on the author of the webcomic in question, but I am having difficulty just putting the events behind me. I was not an innocent party in the fracas, but I didn't go to his site to act as a troll. The guy knows absolutely nothing about me, beyond a few minor details I had mentioned yesterday and other occasions, but he called me a sociopath on Twitter.

    Does anyone have any advice about dealing with this sort of thing? I've been having difficulty with bullying for thirty+ years, and even now, as an adult I can feel the same shame and humiliation I felt years ago.

    PS: I hope that this does not violate any of the Forum's rules. I have been doing my best to leave identifying details out and not mention any specific Real World issues that were raised in the event yesterday.

  14. - Top - End - #1484
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    California
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    I would give advice to Moonwolf and Leoric here, but I really don't know what to say in either circumstances. I'm hoping someone more wise will log on and write down some great wisdom.

    I say this because I don't want the two of you to think I am passing you over, but I'm having some troubles and I need to inquire the Playground for aid. I got a call from my younger brother recently sounding very distressed (more like freaking out). He won't tell me why though. He asked about numbers from other family members that he says he needs to talk to, but sadly I didn't have them so I couldn't assist (fairly new phone). He seems to think that very little of the family matters at all, which is nearly opposite what he was telling me about a week ago, and he also seems to believe that he is outcast to most of the family he does care about. That's about all I was able to get from him before he stopped talking or texting. I don't know even slightly how to help him. I've also had no luck getting hold of anyone who might know the numbers of who he wants to get ahold of. And the only other conclusive thing I got from him is that he wants to talk to that part of the family because they are the family on our father's side, who he said was always able to help him and sadly passed away about a year ago. I don't know how else to speak to him or assist him and I'm worried about what he may do. He seems to be in some kind of a crisis. Any advice Playgrounders?
    Spoiler: Sigs about the Internet and Life
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Amidus Drexel View Post
    Yeah... even if it's a fairly friendly place by the internet's standards... it's still the internet. A certain level of pedantic bickering is to be expected.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    The forums can't universally agree that the sun will rise in the east. Disagreement is what we do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacior
    If I can get a pet dinosaur, I totally will. My low wisdom means a raptor looks like a great guard dog.


    Awesome Holy Knight Haluesen avatar done by the uber skilled Grinner!

  15. - Top - End - #1485
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2009

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    You cannot help him if he will not communicate with you. Keep trying to do so, and if he won't respond, the best you can do is send him contact info for professional assistance in his area.

  16. - Top - End - #1486
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    California
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Alejandro View Post
    You cannot help him if he will not communicate with you. Keep trying to do so, and if he won't respond, the best you can do is send him contact info for professional assistance in his area.
    Thank you for the advice Alejandro. Things are a little better, he at least talked to our grandma about things. Still I hope he knows that I'm around if he needs assistance. I'll just have to wait and see how things progress for now.
    Spoiler: Sigs about the Internet and Life
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Amidus Drexel View Post
    Yeah... even if it's a fairly friendly place by the internet's standards... it's still the internet. A certain level of pedantic bickering is to be expected.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    The forums can't universally agree that the sun will rise in the east. Disagreement is what we do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacior
    If I can get a pet dinosaur, I totally will. My low wisdom means a raptor looks like a great guard dog.


    Awesome Holy Knight Haluesen avatar done by the uber skilled Grinner!

  17. - Top - End - #1487
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Foeofthelance's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Sir_Leorik: I'm afraid there isn't much you can do there. You can try emailing the author and apologizing, but personally I would just let sleeping dogs lie. There are two main reasons for that. First, the website is pretty much the author's domain. They are the ultimate authority on what goes for their site, with all the dictatorial might that implies. If, for whatever reason, the author doesn't want to accept the apology they don't have to and you could just find yourself embroiled in the same situation all over again.

    The second one requires an admission of my own. I am a fairly confrontational person. I get into arguments the same way other people play Halo, and when it comes to the internet I am not alone. Sometimes a popular enough site will acquire a fixed cast of characters who will spend all their time bickering with one another, and when that happens it becomes very hard to keep us from striking out at bystanders the same way we would one of regular opponents. Give us any sort of moderated backing and it just becomes worse. (This isn't, by the way, the same sort of thing as trolling. More like a really loud family fight.) When we get the bit between our teeth it is very hard for us to let go as well, so when you join in we will keep replying until the heat death of the universe. Without knowing more, I can't tell you this is what is happening for sure, but I will warn you it is a possibility. But whether they are just the regular fueders or a true bunch of slimeballs, you won't be able to win either way. Your best bet is, again, to just walk away unless you want to keep butting heads with them.

    That said, I applaud you for standing up for someone you believe is being bullied. The internet is an entire community of near faceless strangers, and many feel that those they are encounter deserve neither respect nor manners. The fact that you were willing to stand up and say something in defense of another has at least earned you my respect.

    My own gripes follow, so feel free to ignore them if you'd like.
    Spoiler
    Show

    I can accept that my own attempts to get promoted have self sabotaged me into getting stuck in my current going-nowhere position.

    I can accept that those same attempts have led to them simply hiring new people whom they never bother to train, leaving me to pick up the slack.

    I have every faith that a combination of changing circumstances and my own efforts will get me out of the basement.

    But there are literally not enough swear words in the all the languages on Earth to possibly express the sheer frustration and hatred I feel for people who don't PULL OVER when they call for directions. I simply do not have the time or patience to deal with those Darwin candidates who insist on monopolizing the phone while they drive around ignoring what I'm telling them or making my directions irrelevant because they think they better, even though the fact that they've gotten themselves lost is the entire reason they have called me in the first place.
    Basilisk 6
    Pilot of the Thing

    I'm not evil. My morals just aren't the same as society's.

    On a one man quest to beat the Star Wars Universe, using nothing but simple, plain, ordinary logic. Score so far: Me 593 SWU 450


  18. - Top - End - #1488
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    One final gripe about my stupid roommate:

    It's moving out time. We're responsible for cleaning everything out. Guess who isn't lifting a finger to help? Guess who always has "too much work" to do anything? Guess who, despite yelling and whining about how messy everything is, can't even be bothered to take out the kitchen trash.

    Yup.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  19. - Top - End - #1489
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    One final gripe about my stupid roommate:

    It's moving out time. We're responsible for cleaning everything out. Guess who isn't lifting a finger to help? Guess who always has "too much work" to do anything? Guess who, despite yelling and whining about how messy everything is, can't even be bothered to take out the kitchen trash.

    Yup.
    since you're moving out, you might as well point it out to her..harshly.
    All hail Smutmulch for crafting my avatar!
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  20. - Top - End - #1490
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    since you're moving out, you might as well point it out to her..harshly.
    Eh not much point. I either want the work done or want to ensure it comes out of her deposit and not mine or other roomie's.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  21. - Top - End - #1491
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Astrella's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Mew. I have to tell my parents soon (in the next few days because they're expecting grades) that I basically failed the majority of my last two years at uni. I'm absolutely terrified cause they'll be furious and I'm afraid they won't see dysphoria and my anxiety and depression as a valid enough reason and that it'll actually revert whatever progress there's been with them accepting me being trans* to a degree. I'm also just really unsure how to approach it.

    And I've just been having small panic attacks and depressive spells. :/
    Last edited by Astrella; 2013-08-08 at 05:23 AM.
    I make avatars. Sometimes.
    Spoiler
    Show

  22. - Top - End - #1492
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Arad, Israel
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Foeofthelance View Post
    Sir_Leorik: I'm afraid there isn't much you can do there. You can try emailing the author and apologizing, but personally I would just let sleeping dogs lie. There are two main reasons for that. First, the website is pretty much the author's domain. They are the ultimate authority on what goes for their site, with all the dictatorial might that implies. If, for whatever reason, the author doesn't want to accept the apology they don't have to and you could just find yourself embroiled in the same situation all over again.
    That's pretty much the conclusion I've come to. As humiliating as the confrontation was, I didn't have 100% clean hands (though I didn't start the incident), and the author in question has the authority to ban me. What annoys me more is the flippancy with which he treated the whole thing, and the fact that he was live-Tweeting the confrontation.

    The second one requires an admission of my own. I am a fairly confrontational person. I get into arguments the same way other people play Halo, and when it comes to the internet I am not alone. Sometimes a popular enough site will acquire a fixed cast of characters who will spend all their time bickering with one another, and when that happens it becomes very hard to keep us from striking out at bystanders the same way we would one of regular opponents. Give us any sort of moderated backing and it just becomes worse. (This isn't, by the way, the same sort of thing as trolling. More like a really loud family fight.) When we get the bit between our teeth it is very hard for us to let go as well, so when you join in we will keep replying until the heat death of the universe. Without knowing more, I can't tell you this is what is happening for sure, but I will warn you it is a possibility. But whether they are just the regular fueders or a true bunch of slimeballs, you won't be able to win either way. Your best bet is, again, to just walk away unless you want to keep butting heads with them.
    I agree with you, but at the time that this all happened (this past Monday night), I was livid with anger. I'm not as angry as I was then, but even though my ego knows that there's no point in dwelling on this incident, my id is demanding the last word. And since I was banned from the site and have few actual ways to contact the author of the webcomic, I can never get the last word. Intellectually I know that I shouldn't care, especially since towards the end I was giving as good as I got, but I find it hard to emotionally accept this. I can't make one last snide remark nor can I apologize, and being unable to do either is causing me emotional turmoil (although much less than it did on Monday or Tuesday).

    That said, I applaud you for standing up for someone you believe is being bullied. The internet is an entire community of near faceless strangers, and many feel that those they are encounter deserve neither respect nor manners. The fact that you were willing to stand up and say something in defense of another has at least earned you my respect.
    I can't go into details about what they were attacking her over (due to restrictions on discussing certain real world issues on Giant in the Playground forums), but her position and mine, while not diametrically opposed, are still somewhat at odds. The guy attacking her for her position, holds a very similar position to hers, as does the author of the webcomic and many of the other posters jumping down her throat. I don't endorse her position, but why should she be attacked so vehemently, especially in the comments section of a webcomic? Anonymity is the biggest mixed blessing the Internet has to offer, and too many people don't understand that just because you're posting a comment, writing on Facebook or a Tweet or sending a text message, that the words you use are as hurtful as words spoken out loud.

    If I had to do the whole thing over again I would have come to her defense, but I would have tried to choose my words more carefully. I probably also wouldn't have let anyone goad me into overreacting. It's too easy to be misunderstood without body language or tone of voice, and it takes time to carefully compose prose. (And some people won't even read carefully composed prose, since it's "too long". Even typing "your prose is too long, please summarize your point" is "too long". )

    My own gripes follow, so feel free to ignore them if you'd like.
    You did take the time to respond to my tsuris, least I can do is try to return the favor.

    Spoiler
    Show
    But there are literally not enough swear words in the all the languages on Earth to possibly express the sheer frustration and hatred I feel for people who don't PULL OVER when they call for directions. I simply do not have the time or patience to deal with those Darwin candidates who insist on monopolizing the phone while they drive around ignoring what I'm telling them or making my directions irrelevant because they think they better, even though the fact that they've gotten themselves lost is the entire reason they have called me in the first place.
    Spoiler
    Show
    I hear you. I consider certain self-destructive behaviors to be inexcusable in the modern world, and texting or making a phone call while driving is one of them. Smoking, not wearing a seat belt while driving, not securing a child under a certain age in a car seat, and not securely storing a firearm in a home where children live are also on that list. These behaviors not only put the person who engages in them at risk, but it places their loved ones or total strangers at risk.

    I don't know the best way to convince someone that their behavior is placing their life in immediate peril. Repeating statistics won't help, showing photos of accident victims won't help. It's something that the person either slowly realizes or doesn't. The spread of GPS devices is making this problem worse; rather than make a call for directions while driving, they will fiddle with the GPS, distracting themselves while they should have their eyes glued to the road.

    The only possible solution I can think of is to not give directions if you hear their cars motor running, but that can cause all sorts of friction. Otherwise I don't see a way to keep someone from calling for directions while driving.

  23. - Top - End - #1493
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    Mew. I have to tell my parents soon (in the next few days because they're expecting grades) that I basically failed the majority of my last two years at uni. I'm absolutely terrified cause they'll be furious and I'm afraid they won't see dysphoria and my anxiety and depression as a valid enough reason and that it'll actually revert whatever progress there's been with them accepting me being trans* to a degree. I'm also just really unsure how to approach it.

    And I've just been having small panic attacks and depressive spells. :/
    First of all, I'd like you to take a few breaths, hun. Do the breathing exercise I taught you.

    1) Now, focus on yourself. Focus on what you want. You want to pass university and work towards that. That's what your parents need to hear.

    2) Meet with them in a neutral place. Not your dorms and not their house. If you go to their house, you will feel trapped and intimidated. If you do it at your dorms, they might not respect the fact that it's your private space.

    3) Meet with them at a restaurant or coffee place. Somewhere both neutral and public. With other eyes on them and you, all parties will be more inclined toward self control, if only for the sake of appearence.

    4) Be clear and firm. Avoid things like "I would like to finish university at my dorms" - instead "I will finish university at my dorms."

    5) Your folks will initially be angry. Let them be angry. Let them get it out of their system without interruption or protest. Once you're given a chance to explain, tell them without feeling sorry or afraid. Become detached.

    6) If possible, bring a letter from your therapist as proof that you've been seeing them for help with your various problems.

    7) Type out a letter that has all the information and explanation you want to give them. Make it as simple to read as possible. If the discussion is not going to be productive, leave the letter on the table for them to read and then leave yourself.

    8) I'll send this one to you on Skype as it has sensitive information in it.

  24. - Top - End - #1494
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So the past week:

    (1) Me and good roomie find out that we have to be out of our place 2 days before we planned.

    (2) The current tenant of the place I'm moving into backs out of letting me move over there early, so I find out I don't have anything until the end of the month.

    At this point we decide that I'm going to have to move over to good roomie's place with him for the 2 week gap. This is, note, halfway across the country. Thankfully my current landlord allows me to keep some things in the shed. This leads to:

    (3) Due to the circumstances, I have to board my cat for 2 weeks.

    (4) We find out that the power company won't be able to move the hook-up date. Sucks - we rent a hotel room for the 2 days we need, in the area.

    (5) Roomie's car brakes go out, requiring us to rent a car to run necessary errands, and delaying packing. Thankfully it is returned the afternoon before we have to leave.

    (6) Day before we have to leave, the health center gives me a hard time refilling a necessary prescription. Due to this we have to spend several hours getting them to track down a doctor to write a prescription that I was going to get filled at the appointment they cancelled because I didn't need an appointment for just a refill. (And anyways it was "just a birth control pill" - except it's not.)

    (7) We stay up all night trying to clean, discovering much trash left by previous owners. End up having to rent a hotel in town just to sleep, since no one was fit to drive.

    So...now I'm at a hotel halfway across the country. We're moving into the place today because we'll get power at some point.

    The good news? I haven't fallen apart yet.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  25. - Top - End - #1495
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Why does the power company completely cut power to a place that quickly after someone moves out? That seems utterly ridiculous to me. Condolences on the difficulty though. At least its almost done with!

  26. - Top - End - #1496
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    celtois's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Canada

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    So someone, nabbed the cat I'm taking care off the sidewalk, were he was wandering around, and brought him to a shelter.

    The shelter won't give him back to me unless we pay them a ridiculous fee, for services rendered. Which the person I'm looking after the cat for can't afford.

    It's like kidnapping and ransom, except so far as I can tell, legal.

    My desire to do unpleasant things to these "good intentioned" folks with a sword is through the roof. Not that I actually would. But I am having a very, very grumpy day.

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
    Avatar by me

  27. - Top - End - #1497
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    My mom and I had a great time bonding on the car ride to South Dakota earlier this week, and an even greater time during our vacation there. She'll be home later this week and I can't wait to see her again! I hope she and my sister are okay. It's an eighteen hour drive, twenty if they stop for breaks

    But then I come home and I find something on the internet that p*sses me off beyond all recognition as someone on the autism spectrum. I'm not sure how to deal with it or ask how to deal with the anger I'm feeling right now, as I feel it may cross into political stuff.
    Last edited by Archpaladin Zousha; 2013-08-20 at 11:55 PM.
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  28. - Top - End - #1498
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    rogueboy's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Quote Originally Posted by Archpaladin Zousha View Post
    My mom and I had a great time bonding on the car ride to South Dakota earlier this week, and an even greater time during our vacation there. She'll be home later this week and I can't wait to see her again! I hope she and my sister are okay. It's an eighteen hour drive, twenty if they stop for breaks

    But then I come home and I find something on the internet that p*sses me off beyond all recognition as someone on the autism spectrum. I'm not sure how to deal with it or ask how to deal with the anger I'm feeling right now, as I feel it may cross into political stuff.
    Glad to hear you had a good time with your mom! I know that was a source of friction (to put it mildly) for you. If you want to vent about it without posting it here, feel free to shoot me a PM.
    Avatar courtesy of Prime32

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    you're like a male Felicia Day
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    Witch doctors might tell you "ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang wallawalla bing bang", but they give you that for everything, so most of us consider it a ridiculous scam.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadManSleeping View Post
    When you're flopping about uncertainly like a Magikarp that just got sent in against a level 60 Venusaur, just go back to the basics.

  29. - Top - End - #1499
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Archpaladin Zousha's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    Thanks, rogueboy. Message sent!

    (The smily is in thanks for your understanding, my anger at the issue at hand remains undiminished, you understand.)
    "Reach down into your heart and you'll find many reasons to fight. Survival. Honor. Glory. But what about those who feel it's their duty to protect the innocent? There you'll find a warrior savage enough to match any dragon, and in the end, they'll retain what the others won't. Their humanity."

  30. - Top - End - #1500
    Banned
     
    Skeppio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 2

    We're at 50 pages, so I'm gonna make a new thread. I'll add a link in a minute.

    EDIT: Here's the link: LINK
    Last edited by Skeppio; 2013-08-21 at 02:09 AM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •