My Little Pony XLIIV: Season II Ruined My Fanon!

[Maxtronaut]

Hey guys. Just wanted to know if anyone is interested in pre-reading chapters to a story of mine that I've been working on for a while now. Don't worry, I have zero ego when it comes to this stuff, so feel free to criticize. PM me if you want to take a go at it. No need to waste valuable thread space.

[gooddragon1]

Never trust unicorns

Just sayin.

[Soras Teva Gee]

OH COME ON! I just averted a homicidal space-lich rampage! It's like you ponies want to enrage him.

I have exactly zero fear of the lich is all.

[SiuiS]

Never trust unicorns

Just sayin.

Pffffft. That's all a crock. If I want your organs I'll take them. Ask esperDerek about the Appendix incident.

Is what I would say if Midnifht hadn't had to replace him.

[Anarion]

I have exactly zero fear of the lich is all.

It's also completely not my fault that he made an unintentional Cadence reference in his post.

[Draconi Redfir]

Derpy and DR. whooves play portal 2

[BlasTech]

Derpy and DR. whooves play portal 2

Augh my ears ... Derpy's voice is massively high pitched >.<

I think I prefer Two Best Sisters play portal, sorry :3

[Aotrs Commander]

Hmm.... I'm not seeing a denial.

Anarion has discovered the lich's deepest secret. He can't deny it now!

*snarl*

Boss! Looky!

OH COME ON! I just averted a homicidal space-lich rampage! It's like you ponies want to enrage him.
Ook.
*sigh* Igor, go to Plan Pleasedon'tkillus.

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And one massive one

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Thankfully I love this ship myself.

*calmer*

Guys, this isn't going to work forever!

It's also completely not my fault that he made an unintentional Cadence reference in his post.

No, SIUIS did.

A mistake he shall come to rue.

I have exactly zero fear of the lich is all.

Your overconfidence is your weakness.

[Thanqol]

Your overconfidence is your weakness.

No, my weakness is my weakness.

[DigoDragon]

Pick some random object in your house. That object is now a pony's cutie mark. Tell me a story about how that pony got that cutie mark.

**Picks up a windup key from one of his daughter's toys**

Okay then, I mean, a windup key? For the toy that just seems to keep going... till it hits a wall I guess. Okay, so a story? Well first let me say that this thread is crazy busy! I mean it was one weekend and we have like 12 pages of stuff? Wow, it's like as if the season is still going, you know? But I mean there was a lot of material so obviously it's going to keep on going like the windup key, but I never thought it would be like 12 pages long. Maybe 6-7 pages, but that's like, half the pages right there!
So anyway, I imagine a little filly that just keeps running running running around with all this energy and loves to keep busy and that's kinda what comes to mind with this windup key, which I guess is one of those kinds of pony that figure out their cutie pretty quickly, hahaha... but puns aside I do think that the windup key could mean they keep on going, not necessarily that they're really fast, but that they got stamina like a robot. And they should have robots, at least, there was that one geeky pony in "Putting Your Hoof Down" that had a robot cutie mark so that must mean something, yeah? I was thinking she'd be a cute tan earth pony with an auburn mane worn short like Twilight, but maybe a little more "wild" if that makes sense? Throw in a pair of pretty light-green eyes and I think we have a cutie. Well, cute filly, not like cutie mark cutie, but that's another good pun.
And this filly would be at home working in a toy factory, cause that would be so perfect for matching the cutie mark and I'm sure the only hard part is coming with a name. i'm bad with names, but I guess if you think about their mark and talents it's all about matching that up, right? And I'm thinking about it, the ponies get their name at birth, so is there any pony that gets a name that isn't matching their cutie mark? It's almost like either the parents have a "6th sense" for their child's future talents or the name is going to guide their future endevors for what their potential cutie mark will be. I wonder which would be better canon? Anyway, I think two possible names for the filly are Keyana or Windia, you know to play on the windup key cutie. So I dunno what do you think? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia?

[BlasTech]

Your overconfidence is your weakness.

Your faith in your friends is yours! (Good thing you got rid of it all eh? )

On the subject of bad Star Wars quotes, can anyone help me choose a surname for my SWTOR character? Her first name is Applejack

[Thanqol]

**Picks up a windup key from one of his daughter's toys**

Okay then, I mean, a windup key? For the toy that just seems to keep going... till it hits a wall I guess. Okay, so a story? Well first let me say that this thread is crazy busy! I mean it was one weekend and we have like 12 pages of stuff? Wow, it's like as if the season is still going, you know? But I mean there was a lot of material so obviously it's going to keep on going like the windup key, but I never thought it would be like 12 pages long. Maybe 6-7 pages, but that's like, half the pages right there!
So anyway, I imagine a little filly that just keeps running running running around with all this energy and loves to keep busy and that's kinda what comes to mind with this windup key, which I guess is one of those kinds of pony that figure out their cutie pretty quickly, hahaha... but puns aside I do think that the windup key could mean they keep on going, not necessarily that they're really fast, but that they got stamina like a robot. And they should have robots, at least, there was that one geeky pony in "Putting Your Hoof Down" that had a robot cutie mark so that must mean something, yeah? I was thinking she'd be a cute tan earth pony with an auburn mane worn short like Twilight, but maybe a little more "wild" if that makes sense? Throw in a pair of pretty light-green eyes and I think we have a cutie. Well, cute filly, not like cutie mark cutie, but that's another good pun.
And this filly would be at home working in a toy factory, cause that would be so perfect for matching the cutie mark and I'm sure the only hard part is coming with a name. i'm bad with names, but I guess if you think about their mark and talents it's all about matching that up, right? And I'm thinking about it, the ponies get their name at birth, so is there any pony that gets a name that isn't matching their cutie mark? It's almost like either the parents have a "6th sense" for their child's future talents or the name is going to guide their future endevors for what their potential cutie mark will be. I wonder which would be better canon? Anyway, I think two possible names for the filly are Keyana or Windia, you know to play on the windup key cutie. So I dunno what do you think? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia? Keyana or Windia?

Entry'd

Your faith in your friends is yours! (Good thing you got rid of it all eh? )

On the subject of bad Star Wars quotes, can anyone help me choose a surname for my SWTOR character? Her first name is Applejack

Applejack Sparkle is clearly the shippingest answer.

[horngeek]

Watched A Canterlot Wedding. A couple of times, actually.

Dear god, I love the This Day Aria. Also, Cadence and Shining Armor must turn up in Season 3. As more than cameo appearances.

As for the Queen...

The Dresden Fillies is part of my personal fanon. My fanon fate for her involves Dresden finding out that she hurt his friends.

Burn.

[Deadly]

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"Really digging her hoof in [to her eye] - I know what you mean but... *shudder* but I'm oversensitive to eye trauma.

So, you want me to make it clear that it's her eye, or you want me to get rid of that part? I'm a little unclear on what you object to here.

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I'm also immediately noticing that your Pinkie voice isn't quiiiiite right. It kind of comes and goes, but lines like "I think I would love me a cupcake today" and "Time to grab the day and shake it real good" don't ring true to me as things Pinkie would say. Other places you do seem to have a better handle on it. Maybe go watch A Friend Indeed again? I mean this a pony that thinks in FELT so if you're writing her thoughts you better be able to bring the crazy

Pinkie really vexes me, I never feel like I can get her voice right. I think in part it's simply not possible to get all her zaniness into writing, because a lot of it depends on visual and audible clues. I'll try to give her a bit more consideration when I go through the story again.

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"Within too long the lovely aroma..." Within definitely isn't the word you want there.

I changed that from "soon the lovely aroma" to avoid repetition of "soon". Is it really that bad?

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FlutterPie IS a cute ship. I'll even overlook the way it obviously contradicts the OTP that is FlutterDash

FlutterDash is best ship forever! I don't know why I always end up with FlutterPie instead... it's not even one of my favorite ships. I blame it on the idea for this story being really, really old

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Not that the story doesn't take a turn for the insane as the flying spaghetti monster shows up. Kinda out of nowhere, but this IS a Pinkie Pie story with the random tag, so let's see where you're going with this.

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Fun little fact, it was originally meant to culminate in a big epic battle between the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Invisible Pink Unicorn (aka. Pinkie running on the power of Love) and their respective armies. I couldn't make it work, and then I came up with the idea of the Master Pasta.

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Baltimore is spelled with one L, Baltimare probably should be too.

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Intentionally spelled it with two Ls, because you know, it's a giant wheatball. I wasn't sure if it got a teeny tiny bit too... dirty sounding, maybe?

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You use the phrase "the pink pony" quite a few times. Try to find a new way to reference her to avoid that sort of repetition.

Could sprinkle in a few "earth pony" instead, I suppose. I tried to use "party pony" a few times instead, but I don't feel like there are a lot of options for refering to Pinkie.... Pinkie, pink pony, party pony, earth pony... Any other suggestions are welcome.

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If I hadn't known you were here asking how to write the voice of a mafia/godfather pony I wouldn't know that's what you were going for in the Master Pasta's dialogue. I'd drop some obvious Godfather references right off the bat. here's some of the more famous quotes from that movie.

I was watching a few clips on YouTube and realized that the mafias - at least the ones I saw - didn't really sound like mafias. I mean, it's more in how they look and act, maybe in the sound of their voices, but not in their actual words. If you took their words verbatim and wrote them down, you probably couldn't tell they are mafias. So I figured what the hay, I'll just leave him plain speaking. I'll give your link a look, but I suspect most of that iconic mafia magic lies in the voice and actions rather than the words.

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OK, that kiss was pretty awesome.

Thanks I was afraid it'd fall a little flat, actually

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My biggest recommendation is that you ax the first three and a half pages entirely and jump straight to Fluttershy showing up for dinner. The only purpose those pages serve right now is to establish that Pinkie and Fluttershy have Sugercube corner to themselves and Pinkie's invited Fluttershy over for a date. You can do that with a couple lines in the first scene. Plus, right now the relative normalcy of those intro pages clashes with the total insanity that suddenly erupts later. As a general principle I'm a firm believer in starting the story as close to the ending as possible.

As the brief synopsis mentions, it was originally meant to be a story about Pinkie having a completely uneventful day where nothing interesting happened. Just Pinkie going about whatever it is her actual job is, you know.

I really like that first part, but maybe I could use it better. You're right that as it is right now it could be summed up very briefly.

[DigoDragon]

I don't know if that was suggested before

Even if it were, it's worth suggesting twice for it's brilliance XD


Best Twilight Sparkle moment--
I vote as well for the scene in Return of Harmony part 2 where Twilight reads all the returned letters from Celestia and breaks the spell Discord had over her.

Season 2 Pony Awards!
Most Dramatic Moment

I vote for the moment when the Apple (extended) family loses the race against the Flim-Flam brothers and have to pack up to leave. AJ letting them all know that they won and it's okay to drink their cider... I get all misty-eyed.

[Bayonet Priest]

The Dresden Fillies is part of my personal fanon. My fanon fate for her involves Dresden finding out that she hurt his friends.

Burn.

Ah, Dresden Fillies. That fic finally gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get started reading the Dresden Files, something I had been meaning to get around to for a while now. Harry is such a hilariously snarky bastard. Four books later and I can say that what that fic does best is Harry sounds exactly like Harry.

Although I noticed something after I finished Blood Rites.

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There seemed to be some odd parallels between Dresden Fillies and that book, at least one scene.

In Dresden Fillies we have them talking to Trixie, an incompetant and self absorbed villian, being advised and ordered around by Nightmare Moon, a far more ruthless and competant villian. They argue with each other but Dresden can only hear Trixie's part of the conversation.

In Blood Rites Dresden encounters Trixie Vixen (lol pornstar names), also incompetant and self absorbed, she holds him at gunpoint while arguing on the phone with Lord Raith, the far more competant villian who is behind everything, and of course Dresden can only hear her part of the conversation.


And really, nothing else in the plot is similar. Just that one scene. I just thought that was kind of odd. I'm pretty sure Dresden Fillies is set before Blood Rites so I couldn't help but think that Dresden was feeling some pretty crazy deja vu there. Also, apparently Trixie's everywhere are the same.

[Deadly]

Pinkie and Fluttershy enjoys a meal... because my fic needed a pic and surprisingly there were absolutely none with this theme out there

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[Lix Lorn]

What the heck is this ... no really ... what the buck did I just read?

Choose your own adventure: A Brony Hero in Equestria

So far I have gotten the following endings:

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• Shot by a Cop
• Been turned into Princess Cadence
• Been killed by Princess Luna
• Turned into stone by Princess Celestia
• Banished to the mercury mines by Princess Celestia
• Turned into Princess Celestia and ruling Equestria
• Married Trixie
• Married Applejack
• Been forced to clean up all the loose piles of leaves in Everfree forest
• Defeated Tirek in a DDR battle
• Married Tirek

I don't like this fic.
It feels like the person who wrote it hates bronies.
(Note: I'm pretty sure there is no good end.)

Edit: Just married Luna AND Fluttershy. There are good ends if you cheat.
Edit Edit: Oh, I found some half-decent ends, they're just stupid to get to.

No, my weakness is my weakness.

MWAHAHA AND NOW WE KNOW IT

[Sean Mirrsen]

New headcanon. Aotrs is actually a pony princess. His special talent is being a lich. Discuss.

I didn't want to post something unfinished, but I suddenly don't know whether it's a good idea to get this to completeness.

(crude and sketchy sketch)

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Magical Pony Lich Princess! Or is it Magical Lich Pony Princess? Magical Pony Princess Lich?

Drawn spur-of-the-moment without any reference for anything whatsoever, including Aotrs regalia... might want to look those up.

On another note, now I will have to look up proper equine anatomy and skeletal structure... at least the Dwarf Fortress community had me looking up pretty things, like mineral formations and geological distribution charts.

[Maxtronaut]

Your faith in your friends is yours! (Good thing you got rid of it all eh? )

On the subject of bad Star Wars quotes, can anyone help me choose a surname for my SWTOR character? Her first name is Applejack

Daniels.

That is all.

:D

[Silverraptor]

Your faith in your friends is yours! (Good thing you got rid of it all eh? )

But...But... Friendship is magic...

[Alabenson]

But...But... Friendship is magic...

...And if Friendship = Magic, then Magic = Friendship, and if lichs are animated via magic...My Little Pony: Friendship is Necromancy?

[Kyouhen]

Season 2 Pony Awards!
Most Dramatic Moment

Note: This is dramatic in the literary sense, not who hammed it up the best.

Hmmm, let's go with...
This Day Aria (Because it's great)
Twilight gives up on her friends
Discord wins (The ending of RoH1)

Daniels.

That is all.

:D

I'm going to go ahead and second this one.

[Shatteredtower]

Pinkie and Fluttershy enjoys a meal...

Lovely piece. The prominent bottle of hot sauce is a nice touch.

[Capt. Ido Nos]

Which reminds me, someone needs to do a MLP/Dune cross over. It would please me greatly. >_<

No, I don't know why that picture made me think of that, but imagine the awesomeness!

EDIT:
I love this fan community. So much.

Rule 34P - there is pony of it.

Tality.

...

...

And now I'm just hearing

"Reapers are the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

In Tali's voice over and over...

HUZZAH!

I have finally won favor with the space-lich! Woot woot!

*goes back into hiding*

[Soras Teva Gee]

Your overconfidence is your weakness.

Your faith in your fleet is yours!

[Alabenson]

Your faith in your fleet is yours!

Does anyone else find it supremely ironic that Bleakbane is playing the Luke Skywalker part of this exchange?

[Callos_DeTerran]

If the best dramatic moment award is still going on then I nominate...

Spike's confession
Discord winning in the RotEoH Part 1
Big Macintosh's Speech

On siblings:
I actually admire MLP for their variety of sibling relationships. I mean, it's a little weird all of them are friends, but not unplausible. Applebloom and Applejack still argue but they have a bond of trust built by daily labor with one another. Sweetie idolizes Rarity but ends up getting in the way as much as she helps, straining their relationship despite the fact the two really do care about one another (Rarity and Sweetie both just 'feel' too strongly, which can make their arguments abrupt and powerful). I could see Twilight and Shining having an argument free childhood..just depends on the circumstances. Both looked driven by their dreams to be the best/good at what they wanted to be, so if the only time they hung out it was to relax and enjoy each other's company, it's wouldn't be a surprise if they never argued. Especially if Twilight's family really is some kinda uber-rich/important unicorn family, which would help alleviate most of the normal problems siblings have with one another. Their strain comes from...well...being disconnected from one another and each too busy to make contact.

[Eakin]

I don't like this fic.
It feels like the person who wrote it hates bronies.
(Note: I'm pretty sure there is no good end.)

Edit: Just married Luna AND Fluttershy. There are good ends if you cheat.
Edit Edit: Oh, I found some half-decent ends, they're just stupid to get to.

I think it was tongue in cheek, I didn't feel any real malice behind it.

So, you want me to make it clear that it's her eye, or you want me to get rid of that part? I'm a little unclear on what you object to here.

No, go ahead and keep it. I'm just oversensitive to eye stuff. No idea why

Pinkie really vexes me, I never feel like I can get her voice right. I think in part it's simply not possible to get all her zaniness into writing, because a lot of it depends on visual and audible clues. I'll try to give her a bit more consideration when I go through the story again.

It's certainly not easy.

I changed that from "soon the lovely aroma" to avoid repetition of "soon". Is it really that bad?

"Within too long" just doesn't parse. "Before too long" would, or "within a few moments" but you can't use "too long" as a noun like that

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Fun little fact, it was originally meant to culminate in a big epic battle between the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Invisible Pink Unicorn (aka. Pinkie running on the power of Love) and their respective armies. I couldn't make it work, and then I came up with the idea of the Master Pasta.

Yeah, I can see how that would be a bit out of control. How can you be pink and invisible at the same time? Pinkie would find a way.

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Intentionally spelled it with two Ls, because you know, it's a giant wheatball. I wasn't sure if it got a teeny tiny bit too... dirty sounding, maybe?

As long as it's intentional

Could sprinkle in a few "earth pony" instead, I suppose. I tried to use "party pony" a few times instead, but I don't feel like there are a lot of options for refering to Pinkie.... Pinkie, pink pony, party pony, earth pony... Any other suggestions are welcome.

You can just use "said Pinkie," you don't have to come up with a new way to refer to her each time

I was watching a few clips on YouTube and realized that the mafias - at least the ones I saw - didn't really sound like mafias. I mean, it's more in how they look and act, maybe in the sound of their voices, but not in their actual words. If you took their words verbatim and wrote them down, you probably couldn't tell they are mafias. So I figured what the hay, I'll just leave him plain speaking. I'll give your link a look, but I suspect most of that iconic mafia magic lies in the voice and actions rather than the words.

"Miss Pie, you come to me today, on the day of my restaurant's all you can eat pasta buffet, and try to tell me how to run my business? I will tell you a story, Miss Pie, of the last pony that came here and told me what I should do. He was a pony who I loved like a son, a part of the Family. But he spoke out of turn, and was disrespectful of his elders. Such behavior could not be forgiven. The next morning, he woke up to find a pony's head in his bed."

"Wowie! No way! When I woke up this morning there was a pony's head in MY bed too! AND a pony's body! And they were both mine! I mean, what are the odds they'd match like that, they must be like a katrillion to one!"

Thanks I was afraid it'd fall a little flat, actually

Nope, I thought the food duel and kiss were a very satisfying narrative climax

As the brief synopsis mentions, it was originally meant to be a story about Pinkie having a completely uneventful day where nothing interesting happened. Just Pinkie going about whatever it is her actual job is, you know.

I really like that first part, but maybe I could use it better. You're right that as it is right now it could be summed up very briefly.

Well, you can always spin that off into another fic if you still want to write "Pinkie has a boring day" but that isn't where the story ended up.

[Pokonic]

...And if Friendship = Magic, then Magic = Friendship, and if lichs are animated via magic...My Little Pony: Friendship is Necromancy?

My Little Zombie, My little Zombie, ahh ahh ahh ahh.....
My Little Zombies
I used to wonder what undeath could be,
My Little Zombies
Until you shared dark magic with me.

Unholy adventure, tons of fun! A putrid heart both unliving and strong .

Corrupting kindness, it's an easy feat.

And darkness makes it all complete!

Oh yes my little zombies, do you know I have made all my very best friends?


...... Where did that come from, anyway?