My Little Pony XLIIV: Season II Ruined My Fanon!

[Deadly]

Lovely piece. The prominent bottle of hot sauce is a nice touch.

Thanks

"Within too long" just doesn't parse. "Before too long" would, or "within a few moments" but you can't use "too long" as a noun like that

Oh, right. I'm not sure where I left my brain just then Thanks

You can just use "said Pinkie," you don't have to come up with a new way to refer to her each time

A little variety is always nice, though.

"Miss Pie, you come to me today, on the day of my restaurant's all you can eat pasta buffet, and try to tell me how to run my business? I will tell you a story, Miss Pie, of the last pony that came here and told me what I should do. He was a pony who I loved like a son, a part of the Family. But he spoke out of turn, and was disrespectful of his elders. Such behavior could not be forgiven. The next morning, he woke up to find a pony's head in his bed."

"Wowie! No way! When I woke up this morning there was a pony's head in MY bed too! AND a pony's body! And they were both mine! I mean, what are the odds they'd match like that, they must be like a katrillion to one!"

Heh, well I'll give it try at least.

Well, you can always spin that off into another fic if you still want to write "Pinkie has a boring day" but that isn't where the story ended up.

I don't know, I think the first part has more to offer than just explaining why they have the place to themselves. It establishes that it's an anything-can-happen day, and yet one where Pinkie doesn't really have anything planned (maybe that's exactly why it's an anything-can-happen day), and maybe I need to make more of that or something. It also gives a little background for why they're suddenly on a date, although again maybe I could do more with that. And why they're having pasta...

I certainly don't want it any longer than it is, but I think cutting it entirely would be a shame. It provides some background that maybe I just need to use better later on. I'll give it some thought, but I think some of it should be left.

[Alabenson]

My Little Zombie, My little Zombie, ahh ahh ahh ahh.....
My Little Zombies
I used to wonder what death could be,
My Little Zombies
Until you shared dark magic with me.

A unholy adventure, tons of fun! A putrid heart both unliving and strong .

Corrupting kindness, it's an easy feat.

And darkness makes it all complete!

Oh yes my little zombies, do you know I have made all my very best friends?


...... Where did that come from, anyway?

You know, things like that are why I don't feel bad for doing this. IGOR FIRE THE-
Ook.
What's this? 'By order of the...blah blah blah...Professor Boffinspark is hereby...' OH COME ON! *sigh* Well, it seems the bleeding-hearts in Canterlot have issued me an injuction baring me from using friendship-based weaponry to deliberately target certain "undead-equestrian groups" rassum frassum politically correct *grumbles*.
Fortunately, I've finally gotten a love-powered orbital death-ray on loan from a colleague. So...FIRE THE OLC! MUAHAHAHAHA!

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And...here's some diabetes for the rest of you!

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[Pokonic]

You know, things like that are why I don't feel bad for doing this. IGOR FIRE THE-
Ook.
What's this? 'By order of the...blah blah blah...Professor Boffinspark is hereby...' OH COME ON! *sigh* Well, it seems the bleeding-hearts in Canterlot have issued me an injuction baring me from using friendship-based weaponry to deliberately target certain "undead-equestrian groups" rassum frassum politically correct *grumbles*.
Fortunately, I've finally gotten a love-powered orbital death-ray on loan from a colleague. So...FIRE THE OLC! MUAHAHAHAHA!

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...... Oh my. Well, I think I can take i- ohbythedarkestpitofthenethermakeitstopmakeitstop!


.......I did not even know I had a organ there. Oh look, it's filled with suger. Better find someone who can stich before this thing bursts. "spich" Bugger.

...Heh, is that my soul, or is it just my entire body rejecting my very being again? I...I am needed. Otherwise, all my fellow followers, all my little cultists, all they would have is a rotten system, no vision, and hundreds of schemes piled on top of one another. I will not be ended by some half-witted furry beast and a monkey! I refuse to be brought down with some twit with a ray gun, I will only accept a death with sutible BGM and perhapes a airship in there somewhere. Dragon corpses strung togther with steel plates and animated in its entirly sounds resonable..... Wheres that blasted book when you need it....oh come one now, how could I have misplaced the Neighcronomicon?

Heh, well, there goes nothing.....by memory, I suppose. Gah, curse my memory.




Huh. Well, thats new. All my fur.... my wings, skin, there all repaired! Wow, what a wonderful little trick. Shame that little flub was probably a one-time thing, but the Goddess works in frustrating ways. Wait, somethings missing..... where is my magic? Oh no.....nonononononono!"Feels head".


Boffinspark!

[Castaras]

My Little Zombie, My little Zombie, ahh ahh ahh ahh.....
My Little Zombies
I used to wonder what death could be,
My Little Zombies
Until you shared dark magic with me.

A unholy adventure, tons of fun! A putrid heart both unliving and strong .

Corrupting kindness, it's an easy feat.

And darkness makes it all complete!

Oh yes my little zombies, do you know I have made all my very best friends?


...... Where did that come from, anyway?

Herpderp face, but here:

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Saw it cheap so grabbed it while I could. A little small but it's awesome. :3

[BlasTech]

Huh, it turns out that Applejack is the best pony on the citadel.

Shepherd has good judgement!

Anyway, thanks for the name suggestions guys. Have a cookie by way of thanks:

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Oh dear, Woona got to it fir- HNNNNNGGGGG

[Aotrs Commander]

Your faith in your fleet is yours!

Touché!

(I was wondering who'd come up with the best riposte to that...)

Huh, it turns out that Applejack is the best pony on the citadel.

Shepherd has good judgement!

You beat me to that one. (Clearly even Evil Idiot Shepard has some redeeming traits...)

Now if we can just grab Jennifer Hale...

[Lix Lorn]

I think it was tongue in cheek, I didn't feel any real malice behind it.

On reflection, I think you're right. It's the kind of tongue in cheek humour that I don't really like, though. >_<
Marrying Luna+Fluttershy is best ending.

My Little Zombie, My little Zombie, ahh ahh ahh ahh.....
My Little Zombies
I used to wonder what death could be,
My Little Zombies
Until you shared dark magic with me.

A unholy adventure, tons of fun! A putrid heart both unliving and strong .

Corrupting kindness, it's an easy feat.

And darkness makes it all complete!

Oh yes my little zombies, do you know I have made all my very best friends?

...... Where did that come from, anyway?

Change death to undeath, remove the A before unholy, and then it will scan. :P

[Pokonic]

On reflection, I think you're right. It's the kind of tongue in cheek humour that I don't really like, though. >_<
Marrying Luna+Fluttershy is best ending.


Change death to undeath, remove the A before unholy, and then it will scan. :P

What, is there some sort of rule book one must look over before one makes a twisted little version of a theme song?

Ehh, might as well....

[Metahuman1]

So, a dude in a group I'm in on Facebook stars up with his "Mesa JarJar Binks! Mesa gonna corrup all your minds!" stuff, and I inform him I know Six Mimetic Bad---'s who would beg to differ. At that point he says something along the lines of "Let's them come so I can Suck's them!" *Think that in a JarJar voice. Anyway.*

So I link him to Page three of Best Damn Comic Ever and Inform him that I've given the order for use of the Orbital Friendship Canon, and that not even JarJar had a prayer against Canon 4th wall breakers!

Argument won since after about five minutes he hadn't typed a single thing back.

[Maxtronaut]

Hey guys, got a quick genre question.
So the story I'm writing is set 6-7 years after S2, but it is in a steampunk setting.
Is that technically alternate universe?

[Kd7sov]

What, is there some sort of rule book one must look over before one makes a twisted little version of a theme song?

Ehh, might as well....

Rule 1 of songs:

Make it scan.

(Yes, you can break this, just like any rule, but if you do it only works if you really know what you're doing.)

[Lix Lorn]

What, is there some sort of rule book one must look over before one makes a twisted little version of a theme song?

Ehh, might as well....

Rule 1 of songs:

Make it scan.

(Yes, you can break this, just like any rule, but if you do it only works if you really know what you're doing.)

Yeah, that, basically. xD

[Kyouhen]

Hey guys, got a quick genre question.
So the story I'm writing is set 6-7 years after S2, but it is in a steampunk setting.
Is that technically alternate universe?

I'd say it all depends on how you handle the setting. Basically, is it at a point that could conceivably be reached in only 6-7 years? I don't imagine all of Equestria would have converted to full-on steampunk in that time, especially not the smaller towns/villages like Ponyville. If you made it 15-20 years in the future then it's much more likely that everything will have converted to steampunk. Otherwise you might want to call it an alternate universe. (Also claiming it's an alternate universe tends to get the more diehard canon fans to accept your changes. )

[Tvtyrant]

I'd say it all depends on how you handle the setting. Basically, is it at a point that could conceivably be reached in only 6-7 years? I don't imagine all of Equestria would have converted to full-on steampunk in that time, especially not the smaller towns/villages like Ponyville. If you made it 15-20 years in the future then it's much more likely that everything will have converted to steampunk. Otherwise you might want to call it an alternate universe. (Also claiming it's an alternate universe tends to get the more diehard canon fans to accept your changes. )

You could run it as something like a 5-Year Plan implemented by the government (IE Celestia/Luna). Several cities would be made industrial, and then several towns would be force-fed people to make them into new cities (Magnitogorsk was such a city, built entirely to act as a giant steel factory). So Ponyville could be made into a steam town based on the giant deposits of coal near the town (and then explain that the carbon also makes up the gems or something.)

[SlyGuyMcFly]

Now if we can just grab Jennifer Hale...

If only...

[Forum Explorer]

Objection. When the people responsible say it's an animation error, it's an animation error. Which, in this case, they did. If I recall correctly, they started from a pegafilly model and forgot to remove the wings. (No, I don't have the exact words. It was several months ago, and I don't feel like looking through a whole bunch of ponythreads just for a little confirmation of what I already know.)

I was unaware that we received an official statement about that at all. I thought that we (the bronies that is) had explained it away as an animation error.

[Kyouhen]

So... I may or may not have made another thing. Or a pair of things.

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[Alabenson]

...... Oh my. Well, I think I can take i- ohbythedarkestpitofthenethermakeitstopmakeitstop!


.......I did not even know I had a organ there. Oh look, it's filled with suger. Better find someone who can stich before this thing bursts. "spich" Bugger.

...Heh, is that my soul, or is it just my entire body rejecting my very being again? I...I am needed. Otherwise, all my fellow followers, all my little cultists, all they would have is a rotten system, no vision, and hundreds of schemes piled on top of one another. I will not be ended by some half-witted furry beast and a monkey! I refuse to be brought down with some twit with a ray gun, I will only accept a death with sutible BGM and perhapes a airship in there somewhere. Dragon corpses strung togther with steel plates and animated in its entirly sounds resonable..... Wheres that blasted book when you need it....oh come one now, how could I have misplaced the Neighcronomicon?

Heh, well, there goes nothing.....by memory, I suppose. Gah, curse my memory.




Huh. Well, thats new. All my fur.... my wings, skin, there all repaired! Wow, what a wonderful little trick. Shame that little flub was probably a one-time thing, but the Goddess works in frustrating ways. Wait, somethings missing..... where is my magic? Oh no.....nonononononono!"Feels head".


Boffinspark!

If it makes you feel any better, I'm based out of an airship, and I was playing "Also sprach Zebrathustra" when I fired the OLC. In any case...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS-ooh, what's that?

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Oh dear, Woona got to it fir- HNNNNNGGGGG

GAHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! MY PANCREAS! *collapses* Damn...you...BlasTech!

[thubby]

Hey guys, got a quick genre question.
So the story I'm writing is set 6-7 years after S2, but it is in a steampunk setting.
Is that technically alternate universe?

if you're referring to clockwork, i would be inclined to say yes for fimfiction. if only because the tech level and impact it's had on the world make it so far removed from the equestria we know. it's not like they suddenly have telephones, they have war zeppelins

[Lix Lorn]

So... I may or may not have made another thing. Or a pair of things.

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Win.
So much win.

[Luka]

Dude....I just made a ponyatar for a RP (actually, put the mark on it is more accurate than "made" it ) and my little sister caught me and freaked out, I denied it, then confessed and she called me a "girly"..... Is that even supposed to happen?

And some pretty/handsome ponies! Contains some shipping (7 images):

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Somehow, those 2 things make me think of my ponyatar all grown up
*sees guards in background with helmets and hoof-shoe/boot-things*
waitaminute OH SNAP!! I didn't even know they had those things!

Gonna have to fix the shoe part, helmet part seems kinda harder

[Pokonic]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm based out of an airship, and I was playing "Also sprach Zebrathustra" when I fired the OLC. In any case...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS-ooh, what's that?

Well, I hope you are proud of yourself. A few hours ago, I was a powerful magic user, able to swich bodies at ease. My form was that inspired by that of my God, and I could change flesh-puppets more times than you changed lab-coats. Now, you know what I am? I am a corpse! I cannot even fly! No magic, no powers, nothing! I could not even be called a undead creature, because even they could gain power from negtive energy, but now? I feel nothing. From my perspective, I dont even think I have any sort of spirit in this body. Congrates, you have loved my essance out of existance. I dont even know if those are replacable.

When I find a way to regenerate properly, you are going to pay, my dear boy. You see, the cult has lawyers. Many well trained ones that have spent there undead lives studying the unchanging laws of ponykind. You will not be able to fly in Equestrian airspace ever again, and forget about your blasty toys. You will be lucky if you get to keep your chimp, which at this point I see as a worthier foe than you.

It's funny, realy. I may not be able to do much today, but this will be one of my most profitable days in decades.

[Alabenson]

Well, I hope you are proud of yourself. A few hours ago, I was a powerful magic user, able to swich bodies at ease. My form was that inspired by that of my God, and I could change flesh-puppets more times than you changed lab-coats. Now, you know what I am? I am a corpse! I cannot even fly! No magic, no powers, nothing! I could not even be called a undead creature, because even they could gain power from negtive energy, but now? I feel nothing. From my perspective, I dont even think I have any sort of spirit in this body. Congrates, you have loved my essance out of existance. I dont even know if those are replacable.

When I find a way to regenerate properly, you are going to pay, my dear boy. You see, the cult has lawyers. Many well trained ones that have spent there undead lives studying the unchanging laws of ponykind. You will not be able to fly in Equestrian airspace ever again, and forget about your blasty toys. You will be lucky if you get to keep your chimp, which at this point I see as a worthier foe than you.

It's funny, realy. I may not be able to do much today, but this will be one of my most profitable days in decades.

Ook. Ook?

I will not be ended by some half-witted furry beast and a monkey!

Ook!

monkey

OOK!!!
Translation muffin engaged *ahem* Normally I would be content to let the professor deal with a situation like this, but you, sir, have crossed the Rubicon, so to speak. Have you ever wondered, my dear corpse, why our Princess Celestia has never before taken steps against a seeming madstallion like the professor? The answer is simplicity in itself; Professor Boffinspark is, and always has been, in the Princess' personal employ. Simply put, your vaunted legal representation has little hope of achieving much of anything against the professor (such is life in a monarchy, I'm afraid). While normally I would find your naïveté in these matters to be quite charming, you have committed one unforgivable faux pas.
Nopony calls me a monkey. Au revoir.

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[Pokonic]

Ook. Ook?

Ook!

OOK!!!
Translation muffin engaged *ahem* Normally I would be content to let the professor deal with a situation like this, but you, sir, have have crossed the Rubicon, so to speak. Have you ever wondered, my dear corpse, why our Princess Celestia has never before taken steps against a seeming madstallion like the professor? The answer is simplicity in itself; Professor Boffinspark is, and always has been, in the Princess' personal employ. Simply put, your vaunted legal representation has little hope of achieving much of anything against the professor (such is life in a monarchy, I'm afraid). While normally I would find your naïveté in these matters to be quite charming, you have committed one unforgivable faux pas.
Nopony calls me a monkey. Au revoir.

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...... You know, this is the sort of time when I appreciate my youngest mages sneaking into my room and placing a scroll inside my ribcage. While childish, it gave me a wonderful idea. Also, I am sorry for the inconvinace, good sir. I dearly hope one day we can find a common ground somewhere, someday. I never wished to offend you, please understand, and in hindsight I should have wondered about how exactly Celestia let such testing exist to such degree. Before I am utterly distroyed by your newest launch of that blasted cannon, I shall alert you that Camelshan is wonderful this time of year, and if your interested in vacationing I suggest the Shamaban Hotel. The coffee is fantastic, and if they ask if you wish for dessert, take it. Ila al leka!

"uses scroll of teleportation, slightly musty"

[thubby]

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Well, I hope you are proud of yourself. A few hours ago, I was a powerful magic user, able to swich bodies at ease. My form was that inspired by that of my God, and I could change flesh-puppets more times than you changed lab-coats. Now, you know what I am? I am a corpse! I cannot even fly! No magic, no powers, nothing! I could not even be called a undead creature, because even they could gain power from negtive energy, but now? I feel nothing. From my perspective, I dont even think I have any sort of spirit in this body. Congrates, you have loved my essance out of existance. I dont even know if those are replacable.

When I find a way to regenerate properly, you are going to pay, my dear boy. You see, the cult has lawyers. Many well trained ones that have spent there undead lives studying the unchanging laws of ponykind. You will not be able to fly in Equestrian airspace ever again, and forget about your blasty toys. You will be lucky if you get to keep your chimp, which at this point I see as a worthier foe than you.

It's funny, realy. I may not be able to do much today, but this will be one of my most profitable days in decades.

oh, that won't do. how can you party in a condition like that?
*grabs nearby elemental, shoves it into pokonic's corpse*
i know you don't have a soul or anything, but who needs those?

*sees gummy is chewing on his hooves*
no, gummy, you can't eat those.

oh fine, but just one
*looks at pokonic*
do have fun being animate and spread the insanity

oh, and sorry about the leg, I just cant say no to him

[Maxtronaut]

Well, I hope you are proud of yourself. A few hours ago, I was a powerful magic user, able to swich bodies at ease. My form was that inspired by that of my God, and I could change flesh-puppets more times than you changed lab-coats. Now, you know what I am? I am a corpse! I cannot even fly! No magic, no powers, nothing! I could not even be called a undead creature, because even they could gain power from negtive energy, but now? I feel nothing. From my perspective, I dont even think I have any sort of spirit in this body. Congrates, you have loved my essance out of existance. I dont even know if those are replacable.

When I find a way to regenerate properly, you are going to pay, my dear boy. You see, the cult has lawyers. Many well trained ones that have spent there undead lives studying the unchanging laws of ponykind. You will not be able to fly in Equestrian airspace ever again, and forget about your blasty toys. You will be lucky if you get to keep your chimp, which at this point I see as a worthier foe than you.

It's funny, realy. I may not be able to do much today, but this will be one of my most profitable days in decades.

Here's a compromise. Alabenson, you research a way to put the essance back into Pokonic, and he doesn't file charges against you. If that doesn't work though, remember, I have a massive fleet of War Zeppelins ready to fight if need be.

Also, my dad's a lawyer. :D

[Mewtarthio]

You know, dying is getting to be downright trendy in this thread nowadays.
Hm...

*pulls out local map and sketches a Rune of Genesis on it while looking in a mirror*

Okay, who's up for helping me with some Earthworks?

[BlasTech]

GAHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! MY PANCREAS! *collapses* Damn...you...BlasTech!

*Slightly muffled on account of lying face down after a similar overdose of HNNGG-*

"Victory is mine!"

Dude....I just made a ponyatar for a RP (actually, put the mark on it is more accurate than "made" it ) and my little sister caught me and freaked out, I denied it, then confessed and she called me a "girly"..... Is that even supposed to happen?

Maybe!

[Thanqol]

Having acid poured into your nose without anaesthetic isn't as bad as it sounds.

That's about all I'm willing to say in it's favour though.

I am bedridden for the immediate future, hopefully The Internet will be able to cheer me up.

Reviewers Wanted
First draft of another little story, in need of critical eyes... this one is really silly, but it's been begging me to be written for AGES. Probably one of my oldest story ideas and now it's finally almost done. Such a relief.

Read it and tell me what you think, please.

[Random][Shipping]
The mere thought of Pinkie Pie having a day where nothing happens threw wide the Pancelestial Passages to Pinksanity and produced this tall tale of culinary adventures and true love instead! -- In other words, Pinkie Pie invites Fluttershy over for pasta and wheatballs. Grab a fork and join in, the sauce is about to get real!

Pinkie Prefers her Pasta Plain... and Phluttershy her Ponies a Pretty Pink

This story has the dire task of entertaining a man sneezing acid. Let's see how it does.

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Normally I find portrayals of Pinkie Pie in writing (and in the show) annoying; so far you've done a good job of keeping her bubbly and happy without getting on my nerves. Hope it continues.

“You're in a mighty fine mood today, deary,” Mrs. Cake said with her usual warm smile as she came out into the kitchen and picked up the twins. “I sure wish I had your energy every morning. You're a real life saver, Pinkie.”

I feel like the third sentence is unnecessary.

A sudden craving suggested itself to her.

This sentence is a little weird because it's a strange way to segue out of interest in the food, but I do love the concept that this paragraph is establishing.


Unfortunately the shipping kind at this point kind of hits the core stumbling point that a lot of shipfics have difficulty with: Assuming attraction. I'm speaking in general terms here, understand, and I've been guilty of this myself. There's a bit of a bad reaction going around to shipfics that just assume that one party is interested in the other without explaining why or establishing it correctly. To really do it right, the transition between relationship statuses needs to be treated in more detail.

However, a deep, slow, emotional buildup to a full-fledged lifelong romance doesn't seem to be the objective of this story so much as pasta jokes; as long as it knows that it wants to be a comedy then it should be easy to overlook the assumption as part of the premise.

Short version is I think it'd be funnier if Pinkie stopped kissing Fluttershy all the time to open the floor to more scope for hijinks.

*Continues*

Pasta ain't complete without cheese.”

Feel like Pinkie would use 'isn't'.

pasta tentacle monster

hokay

pastapocalypse

I feel like further high brow literary criticism is would be inappropriate at this point.

Master Pasta

Oh, hell with it. Let's enjoy the ride.


Final Thoughts:

"Well, this has been... strange."

Eeeyup.

It's a good story, solid punchline, but you really blow your hand early with the shipping. Play Pinkie Pie straight, have her completely unaware of any shipping implication, and have Fluttershy working up the courage to kiss her at the end be a surprise to her. That's the only thing I'd change, and I think the story would be funnier for it.

Otherwise, you shipped ponies in a story about pasta tentacle monsters. I think that's kind of the end of my thought process.

[PhantomFox]

Season 2 Pony Awards!
Most Dramatic Moment

Note: This is dramatic in the literary sense, not who hammed it up the best.[/QUOTE]

Current standings:

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Cadence's reveal: 4
Spike's Confession: 3
Big Mac's Lecture: 2
Twilight breaks free from Discord: 1
Tank rescues Dash: 1
Twilight giving up on her Discorded friends: 3
Twilight & Authentic Cadence: 1
Spike's Introspection: 1
Apple Family Loses the Farm: 1
This Day Aria: 1
Discord Wins the Game: 2

Note: I get to break any ties myself since I'm not nominating things myself.