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Thread: Iron Poet XVI

  1. - Top - End - #91
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    To the judges:
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    First of all, thank you all for the time and the useful critique. Each judge had a slightly different take, which is absolutely excellent for feedback.

    Kalrany, I'm so glad that you picked up on that tonal shift. That's pretty much what I was going for with this piece, but I was beginning to worry that I had completely missed the mark on displaying the tone in the first part, but now I know that it has to have come through at least somewhat.

    Alarra, I think part of it is a stylistic thing. I don't necessarily write to be understood; my goal is more to communicate through texture and tone. I do not believe that poetry has to be logical, or even that it always should be. That being said, there is an underlying logic to the poem I wrote, and I obviously needed to communicate it better. I agree that the first part could have used some serious reworking, and the middle part could have used a bit as well.

    Dimonite, pretty much the same as what I said to Alarra. My goal in poetry is not really to be logical, but there were some things I could have done to communicate the feelings and tone better.

    Halberd, I'm glad you liked it. And it's not cows exploding, but crows, which I think makes a little more sense, but I agree with you about the mailmen and the eels. That whole nautical bit needed to be reworked or replaced.
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  2. - Top - End - #92
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    So sorry!

    Round 2, fight!

    Prompt 1
    TechWarrior
    Haruki

    Prompt 2
    Weezer
    The Grimmace

    Prompt 3
    Saint Ridley
    leakingpen

    Prompt 4
    Silviya
    Garwain


    The poems will be due Saturday, August 18th at 23:59, Eastern Daylight Time.
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  3. - Top - End - #93
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    rules clarification request
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    the poem is supposed to stand alone. Would either putting a note on it, or making the title, a description of where it was found and an author attribution, be breaking that rule?
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  4. - Top - End - #94
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by "where it was found" and "author attribution". Those sound very much like things people would say about poems they didn't write.
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  5. - Top - End - #95
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeb The Troll View Post
    I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by "where it was found" and "author attribution". Those sound very much like things people would say about poems they didn't write.
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    exactly, treating it like an old poem found in a certain place, to add to / explain part of the story.
    Hey everyone! Dyluth and I have a new project coming up, a steam/diesel punk webcomic. Please take a look!



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  6. - Top - End - #96
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Ah, I see. There's no rule about putting an explanatory note with your poem. A word of caution, however; very often the judges have a dim view of this. It won't disqualify a poem but, if it comes down to a very close decision, a judge may well go with the one that didn't need the explanation.
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  7. - Top - End - #97
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    @leakingpen
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    Though if you clarify that the note is a part of the poem somehow, or put it in the title, I can't see the judges penalizing you for that. They certainly wouldn't be justified in doing so.
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  8. - Top - End - #98
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    That's an interesting prompt.

    Not sure I know quite what to make of it.
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  9. - Top - End - #99
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    prompt 4 entry:

    Title: Son, sun and sin.
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    How I adore the vivid sparkle in his newborn eye,
    watching the wonders of the world passing by.
    Must be some great fortune that I've won
    for he trully is my firstborn son.

    Now 2 years have passed and he's quite a boy.
    Such a small person that brings so much joy.
    And while I question what I've begun,
    my love for him has reached the sun.

    It hurts to see him with the man
    that he calls daddy while I am.
    We agreed to shun the lies we're in.
    He is my son, my sun and biggest sin.


    PS: this is not autobiographical
    My personal folder is a graveyard of ideas, stuck in their dream phase.
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  10. - Top - End - #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by SaintRidley View Post
    That's an interesting prompt.

    Not sure I know quite what to make of it.
    meaning you're not sure what's going on in the photo? someone has duct taped a stop watch to the instrument cluster, and theres a button on the left handlebar that hooks up to the stop watch and turns it on and off. They use it to time something, probably how long to pass between two different objects, so it measures, say, how fast on the quarter or half mile.
    Hey everyone! Dyluth and I have a new project coming up, a steam/diesel punk webcomic. Please take a look!



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  11. - Top - End - #101
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Quote Originally Posted by leakingpen View Post
    meaning you're not sure what's going on in the photo? someone has duct taped a stop watch to the instrument cluster, and theres a button on the left handlebar that hooks up to the stop watch and turns it on and off. They use it to time something, probably how long to pass between two different objects, so it measures, say, how fast on the quarter or half mile.
    You know, I did not pick up on that at all. Hmm... I had an idea brewing, but now I'm not sure if that'll even work now that I know that.
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  12. - Top - End - #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by SaintRidley View Post
    You know, I did not pick up on that at all. Hmm... I had an idea brewing, but now I'm not sure if that'll even work now that I know that.
    The interpretation of the photo need not be literal. The poem doesn't have to involve every minute detail. It's a prompt, a starting point. The challenge is not to poetically evoke that image, but to have the reader understand how that image connects to your poem.
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  13. - Top - End - #103
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Yeah, I think my original idea should still work, then. Now I just need to tweak it some more and see how it works.
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  14. - Top - End - #104
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    Thumbs up Re: Iron Poet XVI

    yeah, mine just barely comes from the picture. and a liberal interpretation.
    Hey everyone! Dyluth and I have a new project coming up, a steam/diesel punk webcomic. Please take a look!



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  15. - Top - End - #105
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Prompt

    Riddle
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    I sit still until between legs I am started,
    My red resting body ready to go;
    I am longer than the last and light for my size,
    So gentle my internal gyrations,
    My power comes in the sum of my parts.

    I am unused and at the height of my youth.
    I urge you to take me, and your time--
    How long can you handle me, can you
    Let the ride last? Rev me up slowly,
    And I can do the work.

    Where do I take you?
    So long as you pump me the possibilities are endless,
    Just see it in your eye, listen with open ear,
    And my purring will be your pleasure:
    We will crest the hills, hold slow in the valleys,
    And when youíre ready, we will ride off
    Into ecstasy, the explosive radiance of a sunset.

    Now that youíve taken me for a spin, tell me my name.
    Last edited by SaintRidley; 2012-08-17 at 11:45 PM.
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  16. - Top - End - #106
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    I really suck at picture prompts....

    Prompt: Prompt 1

    Title: Half the World
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    Iíll put half the world under my leaves,
    And let the other half roam free.
    I would shade them if I could,
    But Iíd rather just not turn or see.

    Rocking gently in the cool breeze
    Half the world Iíll shield from harm.
    Sweating harshly in the scorching sun,
    Half the world will feel the warmth.

    For those who cared, who watered me,
    Iíll share a place within the stars.
    And those who tore my leaves and branches,
    Go find your place away from ours.

    Would I make room for you someday?
    I may, had I some space to spare,
    But if you want my love and care,
    You should have loved me when I was bare.
    Werewolf in the Forum - Now Recruiting!

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    He is... the most interesting Angel in the world.
    "I don't always keep spreadsheets over crazy voting patterns on the first day. But when I do, I'm the one running the game."


    ~Credit to Skippy for second line.

  17. - Top - End - #107
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Prompt

    Title: Splashdown (Christmas is a Pretty Holiday)
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    A shiny black shell; beetle-like.
    Silver scar and contours of a stylish motorbike or something
    It swarms with a labyrinth of dials and switches
    Tattoos cover its exo-skin:

    "Twelve times the optimal zoom"
    (but still no speeding ticket)
    "The power of a mega-canon"
    (Yet it shoots mostly roses,
    and never leaves a single scratch on their delicate attire)

    Like a fish in the abyss, it gazes blindly
    Eyestalk creeps through sliding door
    and stares unblinkingly
    A gaping magnet;
    look here, smile, and be mesmerized.
    (be memorized)

    Hidden is a powerful bioluminescence;
    a glaring dissonance,
    a piercing moment of bright,
    It blinds, it stuns, it confounds,
    but it illuminates.

    And in this way, it is both captor and cage
    collecting specimen after specimen,
    each stored in a vast back room, ready
    to be called to the one and only display window when needed;
    to take the stage.

    A minuscule green bug stares curiously out
    trying to glimpse the world,

    A massive and gnarled tree maintains its dignity

    A historic engine stands at the ready

    ~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

    This is the camera I used
    to catch the sun just one more time,
    as it crashed into the ocean
    and lit up the world like a Christmas light.
    Last edited by Zjoot; 2012-08-18 at 10:35 PM.
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  18. - Top - End - #108
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    Prompt

    Captured

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    Iíve trapped you right here,
    Standing there forever,
    Staring over the waves,
    Frozen on this little piece of film.

    Never will you age,
    Never will this sun set,
    Never will you turn your head,
    So long as I have this little piece of film,

    The years pass, as do I,
    The old giving way to the new,
    As suns fall into the ocean,
    But this moment will not fade
    Before this little piece of film.
    At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
    -Camus, An Absurd Reasoning


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  19. - Top - End - #109
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    Prompt 1

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    Here: Heartbreak and Hyacinths

    Sitting off to one side
    My wayward china soul
    Too fragile to touch
    Too precious to forget
    You were buried here
    Beneath our maple tree
    Like you always wanted

    We would dance together
    In the eye of the storm
    While we learned to forget
    Our troubles and our woes
    As we sought in secret
    That special place
    That we could call our own

    Now I sit here alone
    As I watch over your grave
    Reminiscing our times
    Both the good and the bad
    The arguments we had
    The laughter we would share
    To keep each other sane

    Here I must leave you
    With hyacinths and daisies
    Our favorite flowers
    The secret story
    That I never did tell
    Though you never believed
    The promises I made

    Youíll always be here
    ĎNeath our maple tree
    Iíll bring you flowers
    And tell a story or two
    Before I break and weep
    Because you are truly gone
    Forever from my world

  20. - Top - End - #110
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Grimmace:
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    If you did what I think you did, and I think you did do what I think you did, I applaud your poem. Really weird and good.

    You went for all four prompts, didn't you?
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  21. - Top - End - #111
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    i... completely forgot. I suck. So sorry.
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  22. - Top - End - #112
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Just wanted to say that it looks like the first two poems I wrote from Iron Poet XIII have been accepted for publication.

    Way cool.
    Linguist and Invoker of Orcus of the Rudisplorker's Guild
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    Fantasy literature is ONLY worthwhile for what it can tell us about the real world; everything else is petty escapism.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant
    No author should have to take the time to say, "This little girl ISN'T evil, folks!" in order for the reader to understand that. It should be assumed that no first graders are irredeemably Evil unless the text tells you they are.
    Avatar by Kairaven.

  23. - Top - End - #113
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Quote Originally Posted by SaintRidley View Post
    Just wanted to say that it looks like the first two poems I wrote from Iron Poet XIII have been accepted for publication.

    Way cool.
    Congratulations!
    Werewolf in the Forum - Now Recruiting!

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    He is... the most interesting Angel in the world.
    "I don't always keep spreadsheets over crazy voting patterns on the first day. But when I do, I'm the one running the game."


    ~Credit to Skippy for second line.

  24. - Top - End - #114
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    That's awesome, congrats!

    And in reply to your other comment;
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    I did that completely inadvertently actually. The images were actually based on some photos on my camera's SD card. Sort of uncanny that the three I happened to choose coincide with the other prompts though. We'll say it was an unconscious decision, because Freud and Surrealism and stuff. Yeah!
    Awesome Lion Avatar by the wonderful Mr. Saturn. Thanks


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  25. - Top - End - #115
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Quote Originally Posted by leakingpen View Post
    i... completely forgot. I suck. So sorry.
    It happens to the best of us; it's okay. But it is strange that the same two people who won by default last round are winning by default this round. Anyway, I'll get my judgments up sometime soon, but I can't be as quick this time due to moving the fact that I'm moving tomorrow.
    edit: Congrats Ridley!
    Last edited by Dimonite; 2012-08-20 at 06:05 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elemental View Post
    BY THE HEAVENS! Dimonite! You are even more awesome than I thought!
    Quote Originally Posted by CurlyKitGirl View Post
    *high fives!*
    That was awesome, made me smile.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Witch-King View Post
    THIS aberrant, ancient evil ain't no playa! I'm gonna take care of my little Meduthids and my Spawnling Mama! Besides which--the Old Ones know the Elder Brain keeps pestering me about giving it some Grandspawnlings...
    The Neutralizer - my 3.5 class that attempts to make wizards less OP.
    Fantastic dragonpuppy by Cuthalion

  26. - Top - End - #116
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Quote Originally Posted by Dimonite View Post
    It happens to the best of us; it's okay. But it is strange that the same two people who won by default last round are winning by default this round. Anyway, I'll get my judgments up sometime soon, but I can't be as quick this time due to moving the fact that I'm moving tomorrow.
    edit: Congrats Ridley!
    It's clearly a conspiracy, they obviously knocked off their competition so they could advance in this oh so prestegious contest.
    At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
    -Camus, An Absurd Reasoning


    Fourth Doctor avatar courtesy of Szilard

  27. - Top - End - #117
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Are we allowed to start posting our judgments, or are we waiting on any late entries? I have mine typed up but don't want to post yet JIC...
    78% of all DM's start their first campaign in a tavern. If you're among the 22% who didn't, copy and paste this into your signature and tell us where you DID begin.The players were attacked individually on the road on the way to town by werewolves. To survive, they had to team up then and there without knowing anything about eachother (literally -- all character sheets were completed without other players' knowledge).

  28. - Top - End - #118
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    No late entries, once the half day extension is passed it should be safe to post the judgements.
    At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
    -Camus, An Absurd Reasoning


    Fourth Doctor avatar courtesy of Szilard

  29. - Top - End - #119
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    A second win by default... don't know if I should be , or
    My personal folder is a graveyard of ideas, stuck in their dream phase.
    The "DM won't kill us" attitude is a bubble that sometimes needs to be bursted.
    There's an armor variant rule in UA that will drastically increase character survivability without completely bubble-wrapping them in plot invulnerability
    Throphies won:
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  30. - Top - End - #120
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    Default Re: Iron Poet XVI

    Saintridley, that is awesome! May I ask where?
    Hey everyone! Dyluth and I have a new project coming up, a steam/diesel punk webcomic. Please take a look!



    Self published writer, editor, publisher.

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    Hope to be a writer? read this. http://www.writing.com/main/view_ite...3-Show-Vs-Tell

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