More Funny D&D Stories

[beau highbill]

another story from a few sessions back. My rogue took the flaw (corruption) for a bonus feat, so whenever I roll a 16 on the die I manage to have something horrible happen.


We're out in the forest and have no rations, being 3 days travel from the nearest city I decide to go hunting for the rest of the party. felling confident because I've yet to roll a 16 in the ~2 months this campaign has been going on. I take my bow out and go to get a deer. I roll. 16. Next thing the party knows my 3 foot tall halfing is running through camp with a troll on my heels.

[Lord Torath]

I threw all 14 of my skill points into perform (ventriloquism) after hitting level 9, I then proceeded to use the ability hide in plain sight that I gained when I prestiged into a shadowdancer, to hide in his shadow walking through a marketplace. Using a mix of bluff and ventriloquism checks (nat 20's no less!) I had convinced him that he head a small child planning on murdering our party while we slept. One power attack later and we were down a paladin, and I was free to jump into the deep end of the alignment pool

I think your DM was overly generous with the ventriloquism rules.

How does perform (ventriloquism) work? Is it a magic ability? Or performance art? If it's a performance, you can't use it unless you're the center of attention. So you can't use it if you're Hiding In Plain Sight. Your voice is still coming from you, but by keeping your lips still, and directing your attention elsewhere, you can make it seem like someone/thing else is speaking. Of course, if the other person/thing's lips aren't moving, then going by the source of the sound, they'll still know it was you (or possibly someone hiding directly behind you).

And the Paladin didn't think to Detect Evil Intent? I'm pretty sure someone plotting murder should ping. Is plotting the death of an innocent to cause a Paladin to fall an Evil act? That would have caused you to ping.

I guess if he went through with it, he was okay with falling.

[Blade Conduit]

Ok, playing Pathfinder for the first time. The important members of the group (which hadn't even become an actual group yet) was a witch female 16 yrs old and very small (the important part here is the negative strength check) a paladin, me, slightly drunk (a bit niave at the bar earlier) and a rogue looking for information. Setting the scene we're on a small houseboat tied up at the dock.

Rogue "what can you tell me about that desert hideaway?"
Witch "I can tell you that you'll need some mighty magic to get in."
Rogue "If that's all you have for me I'm out of here."
Rogue leaves and as he prepares to leave dock unties the boat and gives it a small push toward the ocean.
Witch "don't you think it's time for you to leave too shiny?"
Me "yes ma'am" hiccup "sorry to bother you"
As I get ready to disembark I ask ooc do I notice the docks not there?
Dm Roll a perception check
Me rolls nat 1
Dm nope you fall directly into the water wearing your armor since you didn't realize it until after you fell in you're not holding your breath either.


The witch tried to save me but I couldn't roll anything better than a 4 for swim and that's how the rogue killed the paladin with a soft push.

[Ravens_cry]

This is a Pathfinder story, but, eh, close enough.
I was playing a 20th Pathfinder Ninja and we were fighting the end boss. I was literally unseeable, but I could not break DR as the boss was immune to crits and sneak attack. The bane of TWFighters everywhere. Luckily, I had a wand of fly, so I knew what I had to do. I flew up 30 feet and freefell onto the badie, taking damage but also doing damage to it.
Rinse, lather repeat.
That's right, my main contribution to the battle was goomba stomping the boss.

[beau highbill]

I think your DM was overly generous with the ventriloquism rules.

How does perform (ventriloquism) work? Is it a magic ability? Or performance art? If it's a performance, you can't use it unless you're the center of attention. So you can't use it if you're Hiding In Plain Sight. Your voice is still coming from you, but by keeping your lips still, and directing your attention elsewhere, you can make it seem like someone/thing else is speaking. Of course, if the other person/thing's lips aren't moving, then going by the source of the sound, they'll still know it was you (or possibly someone hiding directly behind you).

And the Paladin didn't think to Detect Evil Intent? I'm pretty sure someone plotting murder should ping. Is plotting the death of an innocent to cause a Paladin to fall an Evil act? That would have caused you to ping.

I guess if he went through with it, he was okay with falling.

Our DM allowed it simply for ingenuity sake.
I should add that I'd planted a cursed item (helm of alignment shift-esque on te child to set off the detect evil, as well as having a cloak interwoven with lead thread to not be detected)
And the pally was perfectly fine with it due to an adventure we'd had previously where our Druid with prophetic dreams had a dream where he saw what would happen if our pally put the helm on

[Arranis Thelmos]

Our DM allowed it simply for ingenuity sake.
I should add that I'd planted a cursed item (helm of alignment shift-esque on te child to set off the detect evil, as well as having a cloak interwoven with lead thread to not be detected)
And the pally was perfectly fine with it due to an adventure we'd had previously where our Druid with prophetic dreams had a dream where he saw what would happen if our pally put the helm on

Okay, does the lead thing really work? It's hilarious in OoTS, but I wouldn't let that fly at my gaming table. (I've been particularly careful not to hand out anything lead for this very reason).

[Petrukio]

Okay, does the lead thing really work?

Yes. Both D&D and Pathfinder have the following text in the description of Detect Evil: The spell can penetrate barriers, but 1 foot of stone, 1 inch of common metal, a thin sheet of lead, or 3 feet of wood or dirt blocks it.

D&D (well, d20) Pathfinder

[Arranis Thelmos]

I'll be... Well thank you very much.

[holywhippet]

Okay, does the lead thing really work? It's hilarious in OoTS, but I wouldn't let that fly at my gaming table. (I've been particularly careful not to hand out anything lead for this very reason).

From the SRD:

The spell can penetrate barriers, but 1 foot of stone, 1 inch of common metal, a thin sheet of lead, or 3 feet of wood or dirt blocks it.

All of the "detect" spells have the limitation IIRC.

That being said, lead is kind of freaking heavy and if a cloak had enough lead in it to block a detect evil spell it would have been hard for a child to be wearing it.

[oball]

[3.5] While exploring a semi-flooded dungeon, we were attacked by ochre jellies. None of us had any bludgeoning weapons, but luckily my rogue was the type who buys up heaps of mundane items, cheap potions and the like in case they ever come in handy. I pulled a crowbar out of my Handy Haversack, coated it in Oil of Magic Weapon, and handed it to the barbarian Jörgen, who proceeded to batter the oozes to death with it, thus earning the nickname "Jörgen Freeman".

[Vknight]

I have a PC who has been turned into a cat. Recently the others found him and asked him what happened. He did not remember the last 3weeks, when I suggested they check the collar he was wearing.
The PC then spent the next minute as a cat trying to get the color off.
I believe I described it as adorable, and very pathetic

[beau highbill]

From the SRD:



All of the "detect" spells have the limitation IIRC.

That being said, lead is kind of freaking heavy and if a cloak had enough lead in it to block a detect evil spell it would have been hard for a child to be wearing it.

Complete scoundrel has putting lead threads into something to block detect spells adds only 10% weight to the object.

[Balmas]

It's been a long journey. The party has traveled through a haunted forest; they beat their way past a young blue dragon as it strafed their position on its mountain with crackling blasts of electricity. The wizard abruptly realized the importance of memorizing feather fall when his fly spell was cancelled more than a hundred feet above the ground.

Finally, they reached the Dwarf stronghold of Beltsten, where they discovered that the dwarven ambassador they were charged to deliver safely is actually the Dwarven prince. His father, King Ironbeard, rules the kingdom with an iron gauntlet of law and order. Honor reigns supreme; knights who fail in their missions beg the honor of being beheaded by their superiors, while peasants--naturally without honor--are treated as tools by those who know how to fight. His son is somewhat more open-minded, but still believes that honor is important.

Amongst this, you would think that there's at least one hero of the common man, and you'd be right. Clement, a self-taught crusader, works the underground to get weapons into the hands of the common dwarf, secretly backed by the Ironbeard's chief advisor and the high priest of Moradin, Keltstin.

The PCs get several quests from several parties; King Ironbeard wants them to find Clement and bring him to a sticky, justice-y end. Keltstin, through Clement, sends them on various quests, such as destroying a particular temple surrounded by fire elementals and filled with devious mechanical traps, or eliminating a particularly vile baron from the hall of lords.

However, things seem fishy about Keltstin. With a little digging, they find that he is actually one of the high priests of Moradin's foe (whose name I unfortunately forget). What's more, the artifact that they delivered to him so kindly will grant him great power in a few days.

It all comes to a head. As the DM, I expect one of a few things to happen: perhaps they will depose the king and set up his more lenient son in his place. Alternatively, they can kill Keltstin and expose what has been going on. They can even play freedom fighters and help establish Clement as a new leader.

Instead, they announced their intention to take over the kingdom.

They pulled it off, too.

[Doran]

What are they doing with it?

[Balmas]

What are they doing with it?

The campaign ended shortly after that, since I had to go to college. Now that I'm back, they'll probably face off against bureaucracy, and endure major confusion at peasants begging to be beheaded.

[Guizonde]

just back from a 48h roleplaying marathon (dnd and whfrp), so please excuse any incoherence. i'll edit later (maybe).

dnd:
the party

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dwarf cleric5 (me)
halfling monk4
human warrior5
elf rogue4/sorc 1
tiefling sorc 5
human sorc3/draconic disciple 2

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we finally get our butts to hommlet! (yay). first things first, we get plastered at the snazziest tavern we can find (duh, we're adventurers, and some tropes must be enforced). being stupidly paranoid both in and out of character, we all set up detections for entry in our rooms. all sleep separate, except the dwarf and halfling who share a bed, splitting night shift 50/50. spoiler alert, we get attacked.
why did it have to be snakes, this time? oh, and that assassin with a blowgun and an iron golem was no fun, either.
rogue's out, having a snake on her wrist (poison did -2dex, once dex was out, -1str per round)
warrior was out of dex too, having a snake on him too. the monk wakes up the dwarf (a halfling foot to the face will do that) by using him as a jumping board to jump out the window, nailing the assassin. the dwarf hears "HEALER!" and rushes out in his briefs, grabbing his mace. he busts open the door to the warrior's room, and thanks to darkvision spots the snake. one searing light later, both the snake and the warrior were charred. hearing another call, the dwarf rushes out, channeling positive energy and healing most of the damage done saying "sorry, be right back!" to the warrior.
meanwhile, the halfling monk is yelling obscenities to both the assassin and the iron golem. the draconic disciple, alerted by the noise, rushes to help, only to see the halfling take out both with brutal rolls (5turns worth)
once the party regrouped, the conversation between the dwarf and the halfling (now best drinking buddies, one a dwarf, the other a drunken monk) goes so:
dwarf: what happened to you?
monk: just scragged an ugly four times bigger than me on my own. you?
dwarf: uh... i cooked the warrior and healed the rogue?
monk: fair enough, we can't all be awesome.
dwarf: hey, i apologized for it!

boy, did i feel weaksauce.

warhammer:

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my lizard is trying to get hated enemy: gravity, and favored enemy: masonry. i swear, i hate physics.

the campaign finally relaunched, we're thrown in the deep end (keep in mind the dm is going on a grimdark bender). we're the sacrifices in a nurgle summoning/worshipping ritual (because our day HAS to be ruined).
everybody behaved awesomely, (including the apprentice mage doing 27 damage with a front kick to a cultist) except for me. highlights:

-struggling to break my chains for 6 rounds
-getting blown across a room so big it took me one round to land (whoooo! hang time!)
-hitting a wall hard enough to do 5 wounds worth
-hitting the ground hard enough to do 3 wounds worth
-falling next to a pseudodaemon, giving me one more insanity point and making me fail a terror check.
here, we go into full-blown tex avery mode. (so much for horror)
-i got so scared i climbed up a sheer wall, and ran on the ceiling screaming for my mommy (the mage). for roughly 40 meters upside down (go me failing terror checks, and acing agility tests)
-once i ace a mental strength test, i fail my agility test. remember road-runner cartoons? gravity asserted itself as soon as i wasn't out of my mind with fear. did i fall? yup. missed the elf. missed the ogre. didn't miss the ground (1 wound)
-get up, dust myself off, escape nurgle blood-barf from a bigwig, run away, pick up a rock to throw on a cultist... i hate physics. i barely miss my BS, the rock bounces on debris and goes right back into my face. (my dm just accepted the looney tunes aspect since everyone was laughing so hard by then). the fact that i was indignant in-character didn't help.

a bit later, we get into a room with a lot of boxes and barrels, and a bunch of enemies. the ogre tries to intimidate everyone. it works. all combat is stopped. i'm so out of my mind with fear (100. when i fail, it's all the way) i break open a barrel (i checked if i could hop in). in it is a liquid. in-character, i jump in (i like barrels, i hide in them, and it's a liquid! i can breathe it!)
-guess what? it's pretty darn good beer! and i can breathe it. unfortunately, i'm breathing the stuff. i fail two endurance tests (so i'm drunk as a skunkskink), and with a mental test, gather it's a good idea i get out.
-we ruled that my skink goes rainbow colored instead of its usual active camo when drunk. i get my head out of the barrel rainbow colored and singing.

credibility to a scary scenario: zero. everyone was in stitches. even me (although it was completely accidental on my part. rng's a cruel, if hilarious, master.

[AcerbicOrb]

Not sure if DDO counts, but if it does, I stood by a resurrection shrine within range of an enemy boss. I would blast him, he'd kill me, and I repeated it about twenty times until he died while the rest of my party were a short distance away healing and buffing for the fight.

[Swaoeaeieu]

after our entire party failed a spot check, we all fell into the great big pit trap... when everyone got up some random bad guy stood over the hole going all 'well well well, what do we have here?' and the party barbarian player shouts:'I yell at him till he runs!' throws a intimidate check, natural 20.

so the bandit just got himself a bunch of rich, loaded adventurers, and flees because that one guy yells really hard.
We climb out the hole while the barb mumbles something about scared felines andsuch.

[Lea Plath]

This is from a friend who plays DnD.

He was playing what is best described as Doctor Barbarian. Int and huge muscles. The DM is very happy to toss the rules out the window for a laugh.

Bandit leader. Captured. Has a princess hidden away somewhere who will die unless they find her by moon set.

Barbarian comes in with a large spiked club. And as much animal fat as he can carry in a bucket. Lays club on the table.

"So we can do this the easy way, or the I-stick-this-club-where-the-sun-don't-shine way". Bandit. Not impressed. Knows they can't kill him or the princess will die. Sits there happily.

The doctor then asks to roll his Int to help him intimidating by describing the various places he could stick the spiked club, how he would do it, the tools needed and how it wouldn't kill him.

Needless to say they rescued the princess and the bandit happily went to jail.

[TuggyNE]

Not sure if DDO counts, but if it does, I stood by a resurrection shrine within range of an enemy boss. I would blast him, he'd kill me, and I repeated it about twenty times until he died while the rest of my party were a short distance away healing and buffing for the fight.

Heh. Whisperdoom, anyone? (First time I ran Spawn of Whisperdoom I went in with just one friend, slightly over-level. We died a lot to acid rain before we managed to bring her down.)

[thethird]

So this was a GURPS oneshoot (and it was my actual first time playing it) but checking the rules I was like, man, this is lethal.

There were 3 of us a melee mobster, a gun happy mafia thug, and me a famous assassin. Backstory wise my guy was reckoned for always leaving some pennies at the crime scene as a signature move.

So our little party had the mission of deleting a rival mafia boss and if possible take her daughter as a hostage. Before going in I ask for some equipment, in particular a small explosive that would allow him to blew a reinforced door.

We get into the guys mansion (it was pretty play boy mansion) and we get separated. The melee mobster tries to sneak around and fails horribly he runs through the mansion with the whole security chasing after him. It doesn't take long till he is shotgunned to death. While hat was happening the gun happy guy was sneaking (successfully into the building) and takes the girl while I get one of the mafia cars started for running away. While doing so I left my equipment in the shotgun seat.

Then out of the blue, the guy runs out of the mansion through the front door while he is being chased by the mafia boss with a gun that was clearly trying to compensate for something.

My guy looks at him and then I ask the DM.

Me: Okay, I've started this car and that mafia boss ain't seeing me at all. Is he?

DM: Nope

Me: Great then I start the car and jump out of it while it charges towards the man.

DM: Okay the car crashes at the stairs in front of the mansion and the mafia guy is pissed. REALLY pissed.

Me: I goad the guy so he comes towards me.

DM: He shoots at you while walking *rolls die* it misses

Me: Is he beside the car?

DM: No, he shoots again *rolls die* misses

Me: I keep looking at him until he gets to the car.

DM: okay *rolls die* BANG! You are on the ground bleeding. He is besides the car.

Me: Cool, my character spits some blood and says "keep the change mother****er". Then press the detonator of the bomb.

DM: Were is the bomb?

Me: Well it is on the car, besides the motor...

DM: Oh *checks book for damage of the bomb* Oh... *checks another table for whatever* Oh... Okay... *rolls die* Oh *rolls more die, keeps silent for a minute* Well the good news is the guy is dead. Like, dead, dead, the bad news is... You blew all the cars on a chain reaction, the explosion is BIG. The flying debris is falling all around you and it is getting a lot of attention you start to hear people shouting and running towards you, soon you have all the mafia family surrounding you, standing in a cloud of dust.

Me: I look at the tallest, biggest and meanest of the mobsters. And calmly say "Your boss is dead, you are the new boss. Bosses don't last a lot around me you see, I suggest that you stop being around me, now."

DM: The guy reaches to...

Me: I drew my gun and shoot him in the face. *roll die*

DM: You are on the ground, bleeding to death, that's like a huge penalty. Wait... crap you made the roll the guy is dead.

Me: I look to the second tallest, biggest and meanest of the mobsters. And calmly say "You. Boss. Leave. Now."

DM: The guys leave you alone.

[Lemmy]

*Badass stuff*

Hahahaha! This was ****ing awesome!

I must add this to my list of "Things to do in a RPG!"

[DontEatRawHagis]

Oldy but a classic.

I planned out 2 very different missions for my players. The hotel mission which a Yakuza wetwork team took over. I had planned out each possible question or hint that they could need. As well as a few interesting plot hooks involving the characters. The players knew the location was a possible Drug Den location.

Immediately the "Charismatic" guy in the group said, "I crash the Humvee right though the lobby."

[Doorhandle]

Oldy but a classic.

I planned out 2 very different missions for my players. The hotel mission which a Yakuza wetwork team took over. I had planned out each possible question or hint that they could need. As well as a few interesting plot hooks involving the characters. The players knew the location was a possible Drug Den location.

Immediately the "Charismatic" guy in the group said, "I crash the Humvee right though the lobby."

Remember the golden rule: players will fight anything you want them to talk to, and talk to anything you want them to fight.

[UndyingTorso]

I've DMed through a lot of weird moments, but none of them really interfered with the sessions... until one.

Gorak, a dwarf smashy everything in sight barbarian with a giant axe and gear that had a combined weight of at least 600 pounds, ends up failing a few will saves (go figure) and eventually becomes insane after a trek through, what I was hallucinating from a combination of pain killers and allergy meds, an Alice and Wonderland trip.

After they kill the boss and get the magic McGuffin to progress the plot, they head into town to sell their loot and go to the plot important mage with said McGuffin. Gorak, who doesn't go with and wonders off, is hallucinating that everything in the game is either cute, fuzzy, or adorable baby animals (mainly due to Gorak being played by a girl and her obsession with cute animals). She eventually wanders into the bad ghetto of the city through a horrible dice roll. She eventually travels up and finds a show girl style brothel... the conversation ended up being something like this.

Me: You see a brothel, it's run by gangsters around here. You notice that there are not girls in the brothel, but baby puppies.

Gorak: They also in gimp suits?

Me:Umm... sure. What do yo do?

Gorak: I go in, Gorak wants to hug and cuddle with these puppies.

Me: Oooookkkkk. You enter, a man looks at you very interested in your stature (dwarfs are rare around this area).

Gorak: I tell him that I want to cuddle with these puppies in the window.

Me: He looks at you very perplexed.

Gorak: I tell him I want to hug and snuggle next to them.

Me: He says (this is were i start losing it) "Ok, which one do you want?"

Gorak: I want the furriest one you have!

Me: "You know were you are don't you?"

Gorak: I don't care there are puppies and I want to snuggle with them and pet them!

Me: (cracking up) "What puppies these are hookers!"

Gorak: You have puppy hookers!?

Me: "NO WE HAVE HOOKER HOOKERS!"

Gorak: I just want to be smothered in puppies, give me all of them I want to roll in a bed with all of them so they can lick me!

Me: (Im dying from laughter) "FINE YOU CAN HAVE SOME TIME WITH THEM!"

Gorak: YAY PUPPIES!

She rushes into the brothel, pets the hookers (five of them), and scratches thier tummies and freaks the hell out of every one of them, she also explains how she does it, it ends up with me on the floor laughing and the other players as well.

We ended that session after that for I had nothing left in me.

[ReaderAt2046]

It's not really all that funny to me, but once when I was role-playing with my boyfriend and our group I died in a most disturbing way.

Setting: Tamriel's infamous Black Marshes

We were half way through a campaign that had a doomsday "someone is creating an army of dragons... undead dragons." plot. Funny thing is, the DM had allowed me to be a dragon masquerading as a half-elf cleric (in the beginning of the game I was hit with a baleful polymorph spell) with normal player character stats. It was a rather high powered campaign... what with both good and evil undead dragons running around and all... (good ones were being forced).
Surrounded by a hord of skellies and stone golems, I'm captured by a lich cleric and a vampire fighter/soldier. Stabbing me with a poison dagger, the DM lowered my dexterity and constitution I believe, they dragged me into a circle where the lich cast a barrier spell. I think the basis of the spell was a "trap soul" kinda thing. and Lo and behold! My party arrives just then! And battle the vampire brother who is outside of the circle.


boyfriend: I cast my wand of black tentacles at the lich.
DM: You idiot! do you remember the area of effect for that spell?
boyfriend: She's not that close is she?
Me: O.O
DM: She's right next to the lich...
bf: *turns to me* well ehehe... sorryyyy...
Me: What did you dooo??? Q.Q

I had to make 6 fortitude saves in a row in order to survive. I made the first 4, failed the 5th and the damage from the 6th round killed me. I'm not sure how becoming a dracolich worked (and because the DM was trying out a different method of creating Dracolichs from good dragons), but since I died while in the circle my soul was transferred to the host object; a little black gem.

So my boyfriend killed me and turned me into a dracolich... now THAT is love people... imagine the look on his face when he found out I was a dragon PC?

Our next campaign should be fun though. More of a plane-touched campaign. I'm an Aasimar and he's a tiefling. <3

What did he do as an apology?

[DontEatRawHagis]

Playing the Only War game right now from Fantasy Flight. The 40k imperial guard book.

We are a small group of three. One Commissar, One Weapon Specialist, and One Stormtrooper(Not thsoe ones).

What you need to know about Storm Troopers is that they are the Navy Seals of the Imperial Guard. They like working on their own.

Our group discovered a possible rebel base in the middle of the woods. Our job was to investigate and destroy it. We enter in like idiots, because #1 we are itching for a brawling and #2 it looked abandoned on a Critical Success.

Our stormtrooper decides he's going to check the armory while everyone else decides to check out the other areas of the base. Inside the Armory is a rebel Chimera(ie. Tank/transport) and some generic supplies. Our stormtrooper goes up to it and tries to unlock it. Failure. He tries to unhook the tank treads. Unsuccessful. He then gets a welding torch and tries to cut the vehicle's lightning rod(to make a long story short, planet is filled with lightning storms).

After trying everything he can to sabotage, pulls a 50lb barrel of fuel on top of the tank, walks all the way to the exit and shoots.

It is at this point the Weapon Specialist and I are wondering how the Stormtrooper is doing ransacking the Armory for supplies. When-

BOOM!

The entire Armory is a burning pile of slag that would put burning man and Veitnam Napalm strikes to shame. The barrel being filled with Promethium(see Highly Combustible and Flamable, burns in Space) and the Tank being filled with it. As well as the other twenty something barrels that the Stormtrooper forgot about meant that both of us get blown back. The Stormtrooper who started the mess was moderately burned but alive.

Sirens blare. And we book it back to our Chimera.

Commissar: What did you do?
Stormtrooper: Nothing.

OOC: High fives all around.

[Guizonde]

kersnip

when in doubt, set something on fire!

[Amaril]

The first real ongoing campaign I played in was a 4th ed game with some buddies of mine from junior high, with my dad as our long-suffering DM. I was an Eladrin wizard named Amaril, and my friends were playing a Dwarf fighter named Horgroth and a Tiefling warlock named Caboose (don't ask). We also had an NPC Half-elf cleric for heals.

Anyway, as our first adventure, my dad was running the Keep on the Shadowfell module, since he was still learning the rules (I think--I'm not completely sure when this happened, it might have been Thunderspire Labyrinth). A ways into the dungeon, we encountered some hostile goblins, who were attacking us from a series of flimsy wooden-plank walkways above a pit filled with needlefang drakes. My plan is to have myself and Caboose stay back and pick them off with magic missiles and eldritch blasts, but Horgroth had a different idea--taking a few steps back for a running start, he charged straight toward the edge of the platform we were standing on and leaped towards the nearest bridge.

Now, Horgroth understandably had a terrible Acrobatics bonus, due to his heavy armor and, you know, Dwarvenness. However, in a feat that surprised us all, he managed to make the leap perfectly and land with astounding grace on one toe, turning back towards us to taunt us for doubting him (by blowing a colossal raspberry) as he did.

Of course, the next second, my dad informed us that the board Horgroth had landed on had snapped under his foot, dropping him into the drake pit. Hilarity ensued

...Well, I thought it was funny.

[darklink_shadow]

I've read up to page 8, so I decided to post one of my own. Well, four, but all about the same character.

So in a very lightly homebrewed group, I made a master of many forms. Most of what happens involves this character, and "the party."

The Tank

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Additional cast:
Sharon: A tank (Literally, an armored gun toting scrap of steel)
The Scout: CE Jackass.
Zakiru: A True Nuetral Intelligent Item that can cast greater invisibility at will, among a handful of other spells. Bonded to me, and can only be used by the person it is bonded to, but CAN be giving away willingly to another (Not under threat, or under charm, etc.)


This event happened after most of the others I am going to list, but it's the shortest, so I'm going to include it. The DM gave us extra skill points per level and feats randomly when we did a good job, instead of levels occasionally, and some of us weren't sure what to do with all these points. The scout put them in Knowledge: Engineering, Craft: Tank and Profession: Tank Builder, and then built a tank. Apparently, he hid every control, and every switch so that only he could operate the tank, in fact he made sleight of hand checks to open the doors so we couldn't see how to do it. He then also started making us pay to use it. It wasn't a lot of gold, so we usually didn't mind.

So, finally I get fed up with this, and get the party wizard to use a half dozen scrolls so that he is under control divination watch during one of our weeklong rest periods (the artificer demands these to make all our magic items, despite our dumb amount of gold.) The DM Ruled that my character now had a working knowledge of how to operate and use the tank. (We did this without telling the scout, or his player.)

Now there is a joke that my master of many forms has "a form for that." We just leveled so I told the scout I bet I could open his tank, and maybe even drive it now with my new form. He IMMEDIATELY shouted "NO! I bet you Sheron vs that stupid Zaki staff you can't! And if you fail even one check I will!" Of course, there are tons of epic level checks involved in opening the tank, unless you know how already. This hunk of steel was the most homebrewed thing in the entire game, I think. But I agreed and told the DM "I open the tank." When the DM smiled and said "OK, it opens." The scout flipped his ****. In the end, I had a new tank, and we had no more Scout. I had ended up turning into an ooze and eating him.

Maybe a little long, and maybe you had to be there. My other stories are shorter and funnier.

The Juggling Chain Devil

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Additional cast:
None!

Hell is invading Heaven, but Heaven is winning due to our help. Until hell summons Big T, but that doesn't affect the story right now.

So, with our amazing perception and stealth rolls, we manage to spot a group of chain devils about 300ft away. The party assumes battle formations, but I stop them and say "I want to try something."

So I turn into a chain devil myself (Master of Many Forms and all) and walk up to them, limping and bleeding from self inflicted wounds. They let me into your camp and I tell them all about how I was ambushed by Angels and nearly died. I tell them I was drafted into the army against my will, and that all I want to do with my life is juggle and do magic tricks.

I have maxed ranks in perform juggle and perform Magic tricks, so I start juggling for them, do some sleight of hand stuff, some magic tricks, you know, the works. After a few high rolls, and even a nat 20, I manage to distract them long enough for my party, some of who are not stealthy at all, to sneak up right behind them. They all died during the surprise round. I didn't even get my turn.

Best Prostitue

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We had 3 months of down time for our characters, and we were told to make as much money as we could. It was a competition even! And we got two skill points per level given to us to make the gold with. My choice? Perform: Exotic Dancing, Profession: Prostitution.

I argued that with my ability to shapeshift into anything (At this point, I could turn into anything that wasn't undead with a HD of something like 38 or less, of any gender and I could even combine elements from multiple things together. I forgot the whole build, but none of my stuff was homebrew.), I would make the best prostitute ever, as I could fulfill any desire, no matter how strange. I earned more than twice the amount as everyone else combined. DM says it was mostly the dice rolls he had made for us, but I think I know better.

The Free For All

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We were all dominated by some God of Gods type wizard, and forced to fight each other to the death. We were allowed to control our characters, but told we had to earnestly try to kill one another. The wizard laughed a bit and said it wouldn't really be that hard to kill us all, all by himself.The scout said he'd win initiative and then use greater invisibility, and be safe form the Wizard and then use his stupid amounts of damage to one shot the Wizard. The fighter said he didn't want to even try. The Cleric had half a dozen spells she was going to use to stop use. They all seemed to agree that the fighter and I had no chance whatsoever, and between the scout and the primary casters, it would come down to the dice rolls, skill checks and such. They asked me what I was going to do, but just then I rolled my initiative (I was the last to roll) and won.

I shifted into a colossal Acidic Ooze, which filled the entire combat arena, and just dissolved the entire party. The Wizard used some cockamamie set of things to get an antimagic field going to turn off my shapeshifting, but I had spent every round doing nothing but readying iron heart surge, which allows me to ignore one magical effect. So I ignored Anti-Magic Field. The Wizard died later that round.

It was basically 6 rounds of them trying a half dozen things to get out of my passive acid damage per round, and those 6 rounds took over half an hour to play through as people start ripping through their books to try to find a way to stop me.

But nothing stops the Ooze. Luckily it was "all an illusion" and nobody really died.

Not sure how funny they will be to you guys, but I enjoyed that character immensely.