More Funny D&D Stories

[Theomniadept]

I have a few stories myself that I should try to recall better, but for now I just remember my nudist.

He wasn't a nudist by choice, mind you. Not all life decisions are made by you, for you.

See, he was a simple Vow-of-Poverty Healer/Apostle of Peace that I made specifically underpowered for this game (long story short the DM hated everything pertaining to having money or being able to use skills, because knowledge (local) was clearly too powerful).

No matter what happened, no matter the situation, or the circumstances, or the DC or my modifers: if there was a Fireball spell cast that included me in the radius, I would roll a natural 1. This happened 6 freakin times.

The natural 1 rules on reflex saves cause damage to your equipment. Again, VoP. I had clothes, a club that was basically just a dead tree limb, and a spell component pouch.

6 times I had to walk into some town completely naked. Also I had to keep track of what spells of mine had material/focus components so I would know what I can or cannot do while naked.

[ZeroGear]

6 times I had to walk into some town completely naked. Also I had to keep track of what spells of mine had material/focus components so I would know what I can or cannot do while naked.

that is why they created the Eschrew Materials feat. No more worrying about lost pouches.

[Theomniadept]

that is why they created the Eschrew Materials feat. No more worrying about lost pouches.

The problem is that this character was very feat-heavy. VoP allowed lots of bonus feats and such but Eschew Materials just wasn't in the build before very necessary stuff (like Divine Metamagic (Persistent Spell) and the Persistent Spell and Extend spell feats).

[Kalida99]

Got some stories from some 2e games Starring The Crazy Cleric of Tyr Falkrunn Folksong. He who had survived the Troublin' Times (And brought them up constantly), The Hot-Headed Swashbuckler Gwyndolin Larose Daughter of the King, and Baird some random thief guy who didn't do a whole lot other than hide in corners.

The Most Wanted Butt in the World.

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It all began with a 50 year old cleric named Falkrunn Folksong traveling with a bunch of 20 somethings in a war-torn Faerun. We were on the run from a tyrant that had overthrown the king and made us fugitives as part of his greater plan to take over the world.

Myself, and my compatriots Gwyndolin Larose, Human Swashbuckler, and Baird the Human Thief set about talking to a merchant who always happened to meet up with us, and just so happened to be a master of forgery. So naturally we had some fake ID's made so we could pass through gates without being sent to prison or taken in for questioning.

Gwyn and Baird got their names simple enough. But Falkrunn decided to share some jokes. Proudly stating before the merchant "And I shall be Seymour *****" (A profane five letter word for butts). Before i could even respond the merchant had forged the name onto an ID. When Falkrunn told him it was a joke he said it was too late, and sped away over the horizon. So now rather than being taken to jail and questioned, we had to sit at every gatehouse for 10 minutes while the guards laughed at my name, and i had to explain every time, "IT'S PRONOUNCED EYE-AY". But we managed to pass through towns without notice.

It went on for the longest time like this, until we got into out paragon levels and got closer to overthrowing the tyrant. Bounties began popping up all over occupied towns. They never mentioned my companions by name, but always read

"WANTED: SEYMOR ***** (And company) REWARD: 100,000 PLATINUM"

And Butts became the most wanted man in all of Faerun.

The Cleric and the Ogre Mage

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In this adventure Falkrunn and friends picked up a Wandering Ogre Mage. The mage also happened to be a Ninja. And was also OBSESSED with finding a Katanna big enough for him to use.

Falkrunn Decided he was going to be friendly and help the Ogre Ninja Mage find his sword. At first they visited "The Best Blacksmith in the land" who wanted 10,000 gold to make the item. Falkrunn gave the Blacksmith the money without complaint. Weeks passed and the Sword was never completed. Falkrunn never raised an eyebrow, but the Ogre Ninja Mage was outraged. So the Ogre Ninja Mage went to seek better Blacksmiths. In the form of meeting with Mountain Giants. They found the home of some of these giants some time later. And the Ogre Ninja Mage said "Don't worry, i can speak their language, you stay here." And so Falkrunn sat down in the grass and ate a ration. The Ogre Ninja Mage approached the giant, and shortly after was smashed by the giant.

Falkrunn walked over after the Giant had left and ressurected the Orge Ninja Mage. Who Promptly was smashed by the same giant.

And so Falkrunn waited for the giant to leave, and looted the corpse of the Ogre Ninja Mage and walked back to town.

And Gwyn asked him "Where have you been?"

"Long Story"

The Cleric and The Puppet (This is a doozy)

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This story took place in the same world as the last with the same heroes. However our DM decided he wanted to play with Ravenloft. A Gothic Horror alternate for 2e. And we were Whisked away to a land of unbelievable horror.

For the most part we almost got killed by The Headless Horseman (Who will maim you no matter what unless he misses you by 8 or more), and got knocked around by Flesh Golems that sent you flying.

But the real fun began when we ran into a peculiar town. The town was almost devoid of adults, but entirely filled with children. There were maybe 40 kids to every adult. The town was holding a festival where a grand puppet show was to be held at dusk. We were apprehensive and did not want to go to the show, but a massive mobs of kids ended up pushing us inside. Once inside the doors closed behind us and everyone took a seat, Except for Falkrunn and Gwyndolin. When the puppet show began it showed our character as marionettes talking, then shortly after being murdered by hundreds of other marionettes. Just then all the seats flipped down, and the children, along with Baird disappeared into the dark. So Falkrunn and Gwyn were stuck in a theater with 8 murderous puppets.

The fighting continued for a while until Gwyn attempted some acrobatics and landed on a chair, which promptly sent her down a chute. Falkrunn, Being a Lawful Good Cleric (And being surrounded by puppets) jumped down after her.

Gwyn had a magical rapier which cast light when the power word was spoken, and when she activated it, It was revealed she was sliding down a chute filled with blood and viscera. There was a division in the chute further along, Gwyn ended up going left, and Falkrunn went right. Gwyn landed in a vault room filled with corpses and dead marionettes. The voice of Maligno, the leader of the puppets taunted her, and told he she was going to die. A short battle ensued and she emerged victorious and destroyed the tiny Maligno.

Falkrunn meanwhile landed in almost complete darkness next to a lake of Thick Liquid. In all his brilliance he attempted to surf across it on his body shield. He made it halfway across before he sank in his plate-mail. Gwyn returned from the other room and rescued him from the lake of blood. And soon after they rescued Baird, who was imprisoned in a cell.

After a short chase by an army of puppets the party managed to reach the edge of town. Gwyn and Baird went to continue running, but Falkrunn stopped. Being Lawful Good he wanted to save the children from the evil Maligno. Gwyn told him he was on his own, so she and Baird continued running. And the town disappeared when they turned around.

Falkrunn removed his Force-Cube (Projects a force field against the chosen setting) from his pack and set it to Inanimate. Falkrunn waltzed through town searching every building for Maligno, and his maker Giuseppe. If Falkrunn could kill or free Giuseppe, Maligno would die forever. But when Falkrunn reached the attic where Giuseppe's workship was hiding, Maligno cast a Otto's Irresistable Dance. Holding Falkrunn in place while Maligno executed the children and covered Falkrunn in their blood, all the while Giuseppe made his escape.

The spell duration wore off, and Falkrunn destroyed Maligno easily with the Tyr spell, Sword and Hammer. He gathered up Maligno's corpse and left. With Giuseppe gone and the children dead, Falkrunn walked solemnly out of town puppet in hand.

The town that Falkrunn was in, was a pocket dimension, that teleported around the world and never stayed in the same place for more than a day. Falkrunn left the town in a new place. Right in front of a Mental Asylum. Where a Doctor named Lunce sat on the outside steps eating a sandwich. The Doctor saw Falkrunn approaching. An old man in Platemail, covered in blood and with a small puppet in his hand. The Doctor asked what Falkrunn was up to, and the conversation went like this;
Lunce: Hello Traveler, I'm a doctor, welcome to my asylum.
Falkrunn: I know what you're thinking, and it isn't what it looks like!
Lunce: Well I don't know, you look like you could use a rest, come inside.
Falkrunn: I DIDN'T DO THIS. THE PUPPET DID IT. HE KILLED ALL OF THEM! HE SLIT THEIR THROATS IN FRONT OF ME! *Madly Flailing the Pupper*
Lunce: You're very tired, come on inside.

And that's how Falkrunn Folksong got admitted to a Mental Hospital.

And he kept that puppet for the rest of the game.

The Cleric and the Vampire Lord

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This story continues the adventures of Falkrunn and Company in Ravenloft.

After blending into the Gothic society of Ravenloft, Gwyn, Falkrunn, and Baird were invited to attend a Masqued Ball at a lords manor. The theme was "Monsters", but we did not know until after we arrived. Gwyn and Baird successfully managed to convince everyone they were Ghouls. Falkrunn though, all eyes on him could not think of what he was. Until he reached into his pouch and removed THE PUPPET. He began to dance around through the crowd yelling "I'M A VAMPIRE! THIS IS MY THRALL! BLIEGH! BLIEGH!" The party from there went just as planned and many fun times were had.

Until much later, after the party had obtained the means to go back to Faerun. All the while Falkrunn was receiving packages from an unknown man (And he promptly ignored all of them). The Party returned to Faerun successfully. The portal behind them began to close, but before it could a Lord from the Masqued Ball jumped through. He claimed he was a Vampire, and that Falkrunns' "Joke" as well as ignoring all of his packages made the Vampire REALLY mad, so he had followed them to kill them all. The rules for vampires worked differently in Faerun than it did in Ravenloft. The vampire ignored the fact he was smoking and began to approach Falkrunn. Falkrunn yelled "WELCOME TO FAERUN!" (With appropriate profanities added) and the Vampire utterly confused realized he was burning. before he could utter a word, he burst into dust and was destroyed by the power of the sun.

There are a huge amount of stories about the Enigmatic Falkrunn Folksong and his Compatriots, but these are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.

[Rhaila]

For the Love of Pointy Things: How to Break a Pre-made Adventure

The Party:

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Gingko: dryad druid. Flaw: deathly afraid of fire
Tobias Glanton: human ranger. Flaw: curiosity
Korii Thunderfoot: half-giant psychic warrior. Flaw: fascination for large bladed weapons
FireLily: Dehll (half dwarf/elf homebrew) cleric. Flaw: curiosity
Slokvahil: half-wolf thief acrobat (homebrew). Flaw: Inability to be alone.

Setting: Inn, town plagued by Gnoll raids.

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The party is talking to an elder when a commoner runs in and cries 'Gnoll!', seven others go out with our party on their heels, rightly thinking they wouldn't stand a chance. The party spots two Gnolls sitting and watching the town from what it appeared they felt was a safe distance. The commoners stay back as our party goes in closer. The druid immediately turns into a griffon using wild shape and flies into the sky, catching the attention of the seated Gnolls. Rolling our spot checks, we strain our eyes to see if there is anything else present, perhaps any more Gnolls hanging around. Surprisingly enough, the psychic warrior rolled a nat 20 and notices that one of the Gnolls is wielding a bastard sword.

Due to her overzealous love of large, pointy weapons, she has to succeed on a will save in order not to want to obtain said sword. Nat 1. The psychic warrior goes charging at the Gnoll with the bastard sword, fully intending to pry it away from its cold, dead fingers, oblivious to anything else. The Gnolls were taken completely by surprise, having been watching the flying griffon. The rogue sneaks up closer and sneak attacks the other Gnoll, leaving the half-giant to her prey.

Somehow, it lives through the half-giant's attack and attempts to run. The warrior takes off after it, getting stopped halfway by a group of hidden Gnolls. The druid calls forth a bolt of lightning which thoroughly fries the retreating Gnoll. Even though the Gnoll is now dead the warrior continues to charge for the bastard sword, ignoring all provoked attacks. By this time the party is thoroughly engaged with fighting the Gnolls, some of which try to flee but are sniped by either the druid and her lightning bolts or the ranger, a druid Gnoll having summoned a storm elemental beside the fascinated warrior.

Once the psychic warrior reaches the sword, she happens to be standing next to two of the fleeing Gnolls. The dm allows her a dex check to first pick up the sword before taking a swing at the wounded Gnolls. Nat 20. With a swift pick-up the warrior takes the sword in one motion, slicing through one Gnoll and taking a good swing at the other. The half-dead Gnoll is immediately deep-fried by the druid and the rogue, ranger and cleric have practically taken care of the rest even though some of them tried their best to run away as well.

The aftermath of the battle leaves the ground full of bloody and/or fried Gnoll corpses, and only after everything is dead our DM tells us that he had to think of a way to resolve this, seeing as it was only supposed to be a level 6 encounter difficulty because the Gnolls were supposed to be able to run away and leave us to fight the druid Gnoll’s summoned elemental. This left us nothing to track back to their lair, the druid Gnoll having used pass without trace for their party.

tl;dr - We essentially broke the campaign on our first day, and our Gm had to think of a way to fix it as well as substitute a named NPC that got slaughtered before being introduced.

Edited for continuation:

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Fire Lilly - Half Elf/Dwarf cleric
Korii - Half giant psionic warrior
Slokvahil - half wolf thief acrobat
Ginkgo - Dryad druid
Seraphina - halfling rogue. Flaw: Binge drinking

"We already have the body in the bag of holding!"- cleric
"Ok, then how about we go investigate where the dead body was found, we do know where that is right?" -half giant
"In the slums, the pleasure district." - cleric
"Then we'll just ask everyone what they saw…" -half giant
"You want to go into the red light district and ask everyone what happened in an unknown dark alleyway 2 weeks ago for a suspected noble's mugging..?!" -cleric
"Well maybe I want to go to the pleasure district.." - half giant
"Go on your own time, and find someone worth your time and money." - cleric

Our party then went on to debate who had the highest Charisma to infiltrate the pleasure district, nixing the Dryad as wood would hurt.. "Don't worry, I can turn into a magical beast" Which didn't help matters. "Aww you guys never let me have any fun."
"I'm never riding on your back again!"- halfling rogue

The half giant was deemed too dominatrix and also tossed out, halfling rogue a Lolita but too shy to go through with anything, finally giving the half-wolf the most votes. Doggy style anyone~?

Oh Holy Smite

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Because everyone needs some holiday cheer in their dungeon raids. Composed by the previously mentioned party, and sung to the tune of 'Oh Holy Night' by the halfling with extra Lavender Metheglyn.

Oh holy smite~
My enemies are burning!
And with thy light I shall conquer my foes!

Long though they lay in ambush to destroy us,
I knew their wiles, yea, I called down thy power.
A flash of light came forth from my right hand,
And all around, the ashes, they did fall.

Fall on your knees
And beg for my mercy
That might not exist.
Oh Pelor, grant me thy power.

Pelor,
Pelor, grant me thy power
Oh holy smite~

[Lobo1192]

So ran my first session today in pathfider and here are a few examples of what happened.

An orc tosses a dead goblin at the party cleric, knocking him off a 10 foot wall... and onto the fighter.

Rogue tries to sneak through a deep stream only to fail his swim check, barely made it out several rounds after combat started and half the party wounded

And finally, The party let two goblins carrying one of their KO'ed buddys, walk right past them and into the inn they were supposed to be guarding. The cleric replied "Dont drink the ale and your all right!"

EDIT: Oh yeah, and the rogue got possed by an oni trapped in a mask

[Angel Bob]

Entertaining things happen with the party I DM for, especially when the player who leads the party (the Avenger) has to leave. He's the only one with any rules savviness or common sense (well, there's another one, but he barely ever pays attention and never challenges the other players' ridiculous ideas). Last time he was gone, the party killed two watchmen but let the others escape. They've been on the run from the law (and the party leader's ire) ever since.

So naturally, at our latest meeting, he had to leave mid-session for a concert. Let's review the situation, shall we?

Last session, we'd been missing two players (an Elementalist and a Druid who was pretty much permanently in bear form, possibly due to a curse). To explain their absence from the scene, the party leader had them wait around and guard the entrance while the rest of the group delved into a dungeon. They found a nasty encounter waiting for them, in which the Ranger was nearly eaten alive by a swarm of rot scarabs and fled screaming out of the dungeon. The Fighter also went down thanks to that swarm.

This session, when we resumed, the ranger ran into the Elementalist and Druid, whose players were now present. They ran in to help, and the Elementalist easily obliterated the beetles. The group could now focus on the artillery monster hiding across a chasm; the Avenger (playing an eladrin) intended to teleport across and start slicing it up. At this point, though, he had to leave, and took his character sheet with him. The party wondered how to explain his conspicuous absence.

Eventually, the Ranger's player suggested "Should we just have him fall in a hole? You know, not enough to deal damage, but one that keeps him trapped." I pointed out that there was a hole in the encounter area: the chasm they'd been trying to cross. "Oh yeah!" the Druid's player recalled, and declared that her Druid ran into the room, ready to help, and accidentally knocked the Avenger into the chasm. He fell twenty feet and into the floor below. The Cleric (occupied healing the Fighter) watched him go, aghast.

Well, that's that. While the Ranger was slowly healing outside, her player took the reins of the Fighter (his player was also absent for the same concert) and decided he would try and jump across the chasm. After realizing a maths error in his Athletics skill, we learned that he... didn't make it. The Fighter also toppled into the chasm, after the Avenger. A few seconds later, a CLANG and two distinct "OW!"s sounded.

The dwarven Cleric at this point decided to also jump the chasm. Since most of her powers were ranged, this puzzles me. Regardless, she tried, and rolled a natural 2. We came to the conclusion that she tripped over her own beard, and began bouncing off the walls as she fell. A third chorus of "OW!"s sounded.

The Druid (might be time to mention that this is one of those "Chaotic Neutral, but really Chaotic Evil" characters) subsequently declared, "I jump into the chasm. On top of the Fighter. As a grizzly bear." (Well, ouch. A few points of falling damage and crushing damage later...) "Okay, I turn into a raven and fly out." The Druid spent the rest of the battle repeating this action, taunting the others the whole time.

Finally, the Ranger had healed. She dashed back into the dungeon and easily leapt 25 feet across the chasm, then focused fire with the Druid and Elementalist to destroy the remaining monster (which had presumably been watching with a bemused face the entire time). At this point, she looked around and wondered, "Where is everyone?"

"Ah, don't worry about it," the Druid chuckled.

The Avenger's player returned to find that in his absence, the group had successfully split the party, throwing half of it into a more dangerous section of the dungeon filled with nasties. (They also broke his teapot of everlasting previsions in the fall.) Despite his rage (mostly about the teapot), they were all very proud of themselves.

[turbo164]

Couple of quick ones from our new group.

-Duke, the Druid's wolf, has killed about 7 monsters; 6 of which he dropped to exactly 0, the other was -2 or so. Very precise teeth.

-Gunther, the Chaotic Neutral Cleric of Olidamara, has been particularly amusing. During their first encounter, he passed every attack roll (while the 16 Str + Weapon Focus fighter missed 80% of his), and beat the Str check to knock down a door (that the same fighter failed).

-Party encounters a group of Kobolds digging up magical hallucinogenic mushrooms, which temporarily give the eater Diehard, Wild Magic, and spell failure. Helping them is an unhappy boar with multiple chain leashes (with unhappy kobolds holding the other ends). During the fight, the boar goes berserk and starts charging anything it can see. Cleric thinks grabbing a leash is a good idea. Cleric gets dragged through enough rocks to drop to -8.

-Party has no other healing, so they figure the fastest way to get the Cleric back up is to cram a mushroom down his unconscious throat. He stumbles to his feet, and manages to successfully cast 2 of his remaining 5 heal spells (rest were wasted on imaginary people from failed rolls).

-Later, Cleric aquires a Robe of Useful Items, which thanks to some unusual rolls, comes stocked with 3 ladders and not a whole lot else. He immediately got to use one to climb out of a trench (see below), and used one later while fighting a monster that kept attacking from a 20ft cave ceiling. The Dragon Disciple failed his climb check, but DUKE (the wolf from above) passed, AND won a grapple check, which bought the group some time. Dog running up the ladder made us picture the Dog vs Squirrel in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation :P

Final story, The Bridge, spoilered for length:

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The group is in the Kyrpra Forest, which was the site of a war of epic wizards centuries ago, and has never been the same since. The party routinely encounters squirrels that chirp like birds, pine trees growing sideways out of palm trees, berries that apply random buffs/debuffs, a stone face that teleported the group and/or exploded their heads and/or exploded into a pile of gems, etc.

The path they were following (they were trying to track down a necromancer who had hired the goblin bandits they killed earlier, and were tracking the path of the cart they used to haul corpses) ends up crossing a bridge, with a Treant planted at one end. He seems friendly enough, but he claims to be guarding the bridge for a wizard further up the road (who had actually died centuries ago), and "you can only pass if you defeat me...in a battle of wits!" So he asked each person to answer a question the Treant didn't know..."what is the world like outside the forest?" D'aw...

Well each person gives an answer, and crosses the bridge while the next person answers. The treant also gives each person a small potion or other goodie as a prize for their "victory." The last person is the Lawful Good ranger, who spends several realtime minutes talking to the tree, trying to find out a way to help it see the world for itself rather than just talk about it. The tree is touched by this kindness, so when the Ranger prepares to cross, the treant holds out a limb and sadly says "Stop...the real bridge...is over there."

Party:

So yeah. Bridge was an illusion, programmed to also create an illusion of anyone that crossed. The canyon was also filled with a Silence spell, which masked any screams from falling people. At the bottom was a pile of bones, and a Dire Chameleon, which is rather hard to find when it blinds you with saliva, and Silence prevents Listen checks. All 5 failed their Will saves to notice the fake bridge, and no one tried to talk to the illusions that were crossing the bridge.

The highlight? Third person to fall was the one to realize that either the 4th, 5th, or 6th person to fall, was going to be Bait, the 7foot, 18str, 3int, Full-plate-wearing Fighter, who was also the one pulling the wooden cart full of 400 pounds of gem ore. Cue frantic "don't stand under the bridge!" pantomiming to the others.

Secondary highlight: "Guys, how the **** did the goblins figure this out and ALL OF US didn't?"

Been quite enjoyable ^_^

@Devmaar's shark story: LOL at that last line.

[Dimers]

Final story, The Bridge, spoilered for length:
...
Party:

A story well-told. You didn't give away the twist.

[Vknight]

A story well-told. You didn't give away the twist.

I agree that is a great story.

If I can think of any funny stories to tell that I already haven't I'll post them
But most of the sessions I have done have had sillyness

[Heritic]

These are from a D20 modern game

The party is working for a powerful government agency and are working coverup to prevent the public from knowing about monsters and magic etc. Well recently a group of Sasquatch have been preying on campers so the party was sent to investigate. Well they discover the campsite populated by Big footer believers and big game hunters seeking to kill or protect the creatures. After blowing up a cabin one of the players decided as a distraction to dress up as a sasquatch. He was prominently gunned down by 7 shots to the chest by hunters.
Later in the same campaign the group was tracking down a Serial killer who doubled as a blood mage. The Supervisor of the group split the party giving limited knowledge to one group while setting up an ambush for the killer. So she positions are snipers in a building across the street and the medic and the driver in the back of a van. ( all of these are PCs plans by the way) The other group grow restless so are Martial artist decides to investigate the basement and finds a sewer drain grabbing a C4 from the demolition expert she travels into the sewer opens a manhole and finds a car parked over it. Convinced that this is the killers car she plants the C4 and immediately sets it off without even moving a safe distance away effectively killing 3 agents including herself deafening the sniper and alerting the killer to their position.

[Teal_Thanatos]

Playing D&D 4th Ed. I've based my character off Simon the Digger post Gurren Lagann. So he's a cleric wearing full plate armor of Folding carrying a Halberd (Drillspear!) of bane to inanimate objects, I've also got magic ring of featherfall.
I've also got a bag of airdrop (failed bag of holding, it instead drops anything from a mile up) and ranks in fly.

We've just routed a viking attack on a village, massacaring the lot of them. We see the boat withdrawing from the scene, we want that boat, knowing otherwise we're going to have to hire a boat and they're expensive. Plus- loot's escaping!

We run to the dock, they're out of reach to jump. Simon turns around and gives the bag to one of the other characters.

Not a word is said IC or OOC for this.

Simon first folds his armor (free action) dives into the bag (move action). Simon vanishes. Simon is now a mile upwards and falling. I use ranks in fly to move over the boat (two move actions, no other PC's do anything as they're all laughing.).

Simon unfolds his plate armor, puts the srillspear upside down and stands on the back of the drill (connecting to the handle area).

Simon falls right down, succeeding a check to not deviate. He goes right _through_ the boat and out the bottom where he refolds the armor and succeeds his swim checks to come back to shore.

The boat is sinking (slowly) and returns to shore where we capture it.

During the process he takes about half HP worth of damage going through the hull.

[vasharanpaladin]

Playing D&D 4th Ed. I've based my character off Simon the Digger post Gurren Lagann. So he's a cleric wearing full plate armor of Folding carrying a Halberd (Drillspear!) of bane to inanimate objects, I've also got magic ring of featherfall.
I've also got a bag of airdrop (failed bag of holding, it instead drops anything from a mile up) and ranks in fly.

Pathfinder. 4e doesn't have skill ranks OR a Fly skill.

[magwaaf]

So we're level 3. And we go on this quaint little quest to find out what happened to this pregnant woman we rescued in a previous quest. We get to the house of her lover, (not her husband, as we realized half way through a conversation with an NPC who was a friend of the lover (who apparently already has a wife.) Knock out his bodyguards, and find the woman behind a secret door upstairs. After talking to her for a while, we realize that the man (his name is Helmut...i know...we call him Hat.) is keeping her there because he wants to kill the child when it is born because he believes it to be cursed and 'a sign of the end times.' So our party, presuming that we're supposed to beat this guy and turn him into the city guard, set up an ambush for when he comes home (he's out of town.) after a week, he arrives at the gates, and our lookout sees him. our lookout books it to our house, tells us, and we book it to Helmut's house. we get there with just enough time to set up the ambush. the plan was that my dwarf fighter would approach him from behind as he walked up the driveway, pretending to be delivering a message. and then we'd attack. the rest of the party, who were inside the house, would come out, and we'd defeat him. (I know, metagaming. I'm as disgusted as you are. We're much better now) Here's how it went.

he's walking towards the front door, my dwarf runs up behind him "HEY! HEY! I GOT A MESSAGE FOR YOU!"

The man turns, my dwarf hands him an empty, sealed scroll. He thanks me and opens the message. I attack.

DM: alright, It's Rorick's turn. (Rorick is my dwarf)

Me: alright, I'm going to hit him with my axe. *rolls* HOLY ****! A 19!

The whole group gets rather excited about this high roll. I'm looking at the DM, waiting for him to say "Alright. Roll damage." Instead I hear:

DM: You miss.

Me:alright. Wait.... WHAT?

DM: You miss.

ME: WHAT?

DM:You'll see.

We had already rolled initiative, and with my surprise round over, Helmut went first. Helmut picks up my dwarf by the throat and throws him through the door, smashing it open and revealing the rest of the party.

DM: Maybe now would be a good time to mention that Helmut is a level 18.

PARTY: WHAT THE ****?! THIS IS A LEVEL FOUR QUEST! WHAT THE ****, DUDE?!!

DM: Helmut casts chain lightning. Roll Reflex saves.

Now, i should probably mention that because I had been thrown through the door, I was right in the house, with the rest of the party. chain lightning. We're all clumped up.

So we roll, confused and angry about the extreme level of our opponent. We all fail. alright. 15 d6. Needless to say, we all got knocked on our asses, our DM decided to not make it a TPK by making it so that Helmut only meant to knock us out.

the group angrily demands the DM to explain himself, why would he put us up against such a high level NPC?

the DM says that facing helmut wasn't part of the quest. We were expected to take the woman away and to a safe place. But he had let us face helmut because he hated railroading. But told us to take this as a warning, we can do whatever we want, but if you're stupid like this again, I won't save you.

It wasn't funny then. But I think it's hilarious now.

you're dm sucks, get a new one.

and to not look like a douche i will elaborate

our dm gives us our scenario of what's going on and assumes that because WE ARE PLAYING D&D that we will pc all over it and attack the guy, in this case we would probably attack helmut instead of just trying to get her out, unless there was something specific in our mission to not kill him and even then we might say screw it and do it anyways because we are adventurers. the dm should have the entire situation balanced for the party

the exception is that if the character is someone who is known inthe world as a big name person like we are in a faerun game and we don't go attacking khelben blackstaff or the piergieron at level 6. other than situations like that the dm should make the situation doable and not claim he does anything because he doesn't want to railroad us, your dm copped out and its time for a new one

[Vknight]

you're dm sucks, get a new one.

and to not look like a douche i will elaborate

our dm gives us our scenario of what's going on and assumes that because WE ARE PLAYING D&D that we will pc all over it and attack the guy, in this case we would probably attack helmut instead of just trying to get her out, unless there was something specific in our mission to not kill him and even then we might say screw it and do it anyways because we are adventurers. the dm should have the entire situation balanced for the party

the exception is that if the character is someone who is known inthe world as a big name person like we are in a faerun game and we don't go attacking khelben blackstaff or the piergieron at level 6. other than situations like that the dm should make the situation doable and not claim he does anything because he doesn't want to railroad us, your dm copped out and its time for a new one

True
At the same time.
A high level dangerous guy that made sure he was never found out could very well be hiding around a place.
I know that in one game of mine; a assassin that made it appear that there was an entire assassins guild when it was only him. And that he was just the minstrel[bard], that one could contact to get information directly to the assassin's guild leader

[Scow2]

you're dm sucks, get a new one.

and to not look like a douche i will elaborate

our dm gives us our scenario of what's going on and assumes that because WE ARE PLAYING D&D that we will pc all over it and attack the guy, in this case we would probably attack helmut instead of just trying to get her out, unless there was something specific in our mission to not kill him and even then we might say screw it and do it anyways because we are adventurers. the dm should have the entire situation balanced for the party

the exception is that if the character is someone who is known inthe world as a big name person like we are in a faerun game and we don't go attacking khelben blackstaff or the piergieron at level 6. other than situations like that the dm should make the situation doable and not claim he does anything because he doesn't want to railroad us, your dm copped out and its time for a new one

A GM shouldn't feel obligated to give his players exactly what they think they want. Mixing things up to set the tone of the campaign can be a great thing. In this case, yeah, it feels cheap at the time, but what the GM did was say "This is a big world that doesn't revolve around you. There are powerful characters in it, there are weak ones in it. Make your mark, but don't be reckless - some things are beyond your scope."

It's perfectly acceptable to have a number of low-level quests take place in dealing with a beyond-their-power entity, such as, say, an elder dragon roosting in the mountains. Instead of suicidally confronting the dragon directly, they're supposed to scout out the mountain, learn about the dragon, figure out what it's doing, help people avoid the worst of its attacks, undermine its kobold attendant-tribes, and otherwise subvert its power before they're strong enough to challenge it directly. ... or simply have the dragon be a known threat that they can put on their "To-do list" for when they're a higher level.

[geeky_monkey]

One of the most fun campaigns I’ve ever played in used that exact setting.

Undermining, manipulating and chipping away at an unkillable threat can be a lot of fun.

And can be very useful at times – we raided the dragon’s hoard while dressed in the uniforms of a Baron who’d been trying to kill us for a while (there had been a misunderstanding when our Rogue ‘found’ his purse) and the dragon nuked his castle from orbit. A very profitable solution to a problem.

[Deathkeeper]

I think the issue here wasn't that the NPC was powerful, but rather that there was little indication that he was that powerful, because generally speaking people with over 15 levels in player classes don't just walk around low-level towns doing nothing.
Personally though, I love throwing stuff like that into a campaign. I'd just have made it just a bit more obvious.

[ReaderAt2046]

I think the issue here wasn't that the NPC was powerful, but rather that there was little indication that he was that powerful, because generally speaking people with over 15 levels in player classes don't just walk around low-level towns doing nothing.
Personally though, I love throwing stuff like that into a campaign. I'd just have made it just a bit more obvious.

Back where this was originally posted, it's mentioned that the players missed a few clues to his power level, such as the Level 13 captain of the City Guard speaking of the opponent as very powerful and very dangerous.

[Mr Beer]

A GM shouldn't feel obligated to give his players exactly what they think they want. Mixing things up to set the tone of the campaign can be a great thing. In this case, yeah, it feels cheap at the time, but what the GM did was say "This is a big world that doesn't revolve around you. There are powerful characters in it, there are weak ones in it. Make your mark, but don't be reckless - some things are beyond your scope."

Right, but the DM set up a situation where the players would reasonably attack the guy and then went "I didn't think you'd do this very obvious thing, so the NPC is now stupidly powerful and beats you all up.". It's a cop out as magwaaf stated.

There's nothing wrong with surprise high level opponents, but they should serve a purpose. Your party thinks they can wander around town bullying merchants? Oops, looks like the watch captain is a retired Epic fighter. Your party habitually ambushes travellers and steals their goods? Oops, looks like the archmage convention decided to hold their annual picnic today. And so on.

[darklink_shadow]

Drop this already.

They were warned by a high level NPC that this guy was a nasty piece of work. They ignored it and got beat up. Right? Wrong? Has no bearing on the topic.

This isn't a philosophy thread, this is a story telling thread.

[Vertharrad]

Right, but the DM set up a situation where the players would reasonably attack the guy and then went "I didn't think you'd do this very obvious thing, so the NPC is now stupidly powerful and beats you all up.". It's a cop out as magwaaf stated.

There's nothing wrong with surprise high level opponents, but they should serve a purpose. Your party thinks they can wander around town bullying merchants? Oops, looks like the watch captain is a retired Epic fighter. Your party habitually ambushes travellers and steals their goods? Oops, looks like the archmage convention decided to hold their annual picnic today. And so on.

IMHO what happened was the DM had already decided how powerful this person was, tried warning the players in a reasonably realistic fashion and they ignored it. Not all possible encounters are supposed to be doable. If you use your head and make the right decisions dice gods willing you'll survive. There is a module written where the party if it's of a good alignment, kind, and compassionate will attack the 19th lvl TN insane wizard that is described as a demigod(by the way the party is only 10th lvl and your not expected to win the fight, in fact there is a chance the wizard kills you) in Erde. Just because we had to contend with mazes/forcecages and other high level spells doesn't invalidate the encounter as a legal encounter. And if a module can do that so can a DM!

[Mr Beer]

IMHO what happened was the DM had already decided how powerful this person was, tried warning the players in a reasonably realistic fashion and they ignored it.

Since neither of us were there, we're probably going to live with our differing interpretation of events.

[Vertharrad]

I guess we agree to disagree.

[Inkidu]

My only really funny story that relates to my character specifically is from my first ever game.

I was playing a human Fighter and we were investigating the supposedly corrupt clergy of a theocratic state. Well, I wanted to play a non-tanking warrior and it actually worked but if you're saying why didn't you just play a rogue it's because I like defying convention, and the party already had a rogue.

Anywho, the rogue and I broke in through the second floor window while the Paladin was knocking on the door trying to act all lawful good, you know.

Well, I decide to head downstairs and low and behold a guard is at the foot of the stairs. Well, he spots me. So, what's my first thought? FLYING TACKLE!

I roll it and all the grapple checks. So, what you end up with his this scary black guy with a horrible magical burn scar on his face and enough swords to sink a small ship flying down the stairs at some poor nine-to-fiver and body slams him. If you imagine that scene from The Men Who Stare at Goats you've got it.

[Zelphas]

Here's another installment from my group.

The Party (All level 8, now):

Spoiler

Show

Elenia: Lawful Good Elven Cleric of St. Cuthbert. Token Good character of the party, and the moral center/diplomacy face. Manages to talk the rest of the group out of doing insanely reckless things on a daily basis.
Shaiya: Chaotic Neutral Foxkin Assassin. Has somehow become the one who agrees with Elenia and keeps the other three in line.
Kai: Chaotic Neutral Half-elf/Half-drow Rogue/Swordsage. He usually listens to Elenia and Shaiya, but is prone to running off on his own.
Naranya: Chaotic Neutral Catfolk Ninja/Rogue. Not the brightest.
Kiri: Chaotic Neutral (noticing a theme here?) Kitsune Wizard. Recently learned the spell 'Vortex of Teeth' in her last level up, and keeps wanting to kill things with it.

Doppelgangers meet Stupidity (or How I am Shown Once Again that that Deck of Many Things was a Bad Idea):

Spoiler

Show

Elenia had been summoned to the Cudgel, a holy city for the clerics of St. Cuthbert, to mediate a dispute brewing between the two factions of the Clerics there. The rest of the group tagged along.
They found out quickly that there were one or more Doppelgangers in the city (due to some very good Spot checks and three natural 1s for the Doppelgangers disguise checks), and Kai, who had discovered the Doppelgagners, went with Elenia to talk to the heads of the Cleric factions. Shaiya, Naranya, and Kiri were sent out to guard the hallways outside of the meeting room. After a few minutes, Kiri saw Naranya coming up the hallway, seeming to be in pain and babbling something about an attack and that they had to get to the meeting room to warn Kai and Elenia. At the same time, Naranya saw what looked like Shaiya coming up her hallway, saying the same things.
Kiri fails her spot check to see through the disguise, but passes her Sense Motive, and refuses to move. Naranya, on the other hand, fails both her Spot and Sense Motive, and further fails the Wisdom check I gave her to figure out something wasn't right. But the player, utilizing Naranya's... simple-mindedness, thwarts the Doppelganger's attempt to pass. Naranya becomes very sulky about the fact that she had been told not to move by shaiya, and now Shaiya was moving around,and it wasn't fair! She refuses to move, going so far as to tell Shaiya to "go back to her post".
The Doppelgangers, at this point, try to force their way through. Kiri is hit, Naranya is not. Due to extremely good hp rolls and a Con score of 16, Kiri (the wizard) has the second highest hit point total of the group, and so weathers the blow easily.
Initiative is rolled, and the Doppelgangers win. Realizing that their chance at a quick battle is over, both summon Fiendish creatures and turn to leave. The one in front of Naranya turns a corner and vanishes, but the one in front of Kiri can't quite get to the end of the hallway.
Now, I suppose I should talk about Kiri's staff. When this campaign started, one of the players asked if he could have a Deck of Many things. Inexperienced DM that I am, I agreed. He ended up drawing Void fro the deck eventually, but that's a different story. Kiri had drawn one card from the Deck, which turned out to be the Key. Bam, Staff of the Woodlands for her. It had become a bit of an instinctual thing for this character to shoot a 'Wall of Thorns' at anything that scared/bothered her. This was no different.
Elenia, Kai, and the two Clerics leave the meeting room to find Naranya standing over the disappearing body of a Fiendish Monstrous Spider, A massive thicket of thorns blocking one hallway with a Fiendish Wolf's corpse vanishing inside of it, and the tuneless whistling of a Doppelganger trapped in the middle of the thorns.

[Razanir]

Right, but the DM set up a situation where the players would reasonably attack the guy and then went "I didn't think you'd do this very obvious thing, so the NPC is now stupidly powerful and beats you all up.". It's a cop out as magwaaf stated.

There's nothing wrong with surprise high level opponents, but they should serve a purpose. Your party thinks they can wander around town bullying merchants? Oops, looks like the watch captain is a retired Epic fighter. Your party habitually ambushes travellers and steals their goods? Oops, looks like the archmage convention decided to hold their annual picnic today. And so on.

Archmage convention with an annual picnic... I might steal that idea

[PolloMark]

In one of my campaigns, we were given a mission to "entertain" an important diplomat in hopes of swaying an important vote in our favor. Unfortunately, we immediately faced a string of boss battles, nearly killing the diplomat.

In a desperate attempt to entertain this diplomat, we went to a big city where a play was to take place. Being the evil troll that I was, I ran into one of the main actors, teleported him to the middle of nowhere, and stole his costume. I then found a copy of the script and gave it to a telepathic party member. He then fed me the lines telepathically through the play.

All was going well until the telepathic link was ruined by him falling asleep, leaving me hopeless in the middle of the performance. I started rolling Perform (dance) and (sing) nonstop in hopes of not ruining the show. I even walked into the audience and pulled the diplomat onto the stage forcing him to sing with me! Sadly, all of my rolls were 1s and 2s...

The irony was that the crowd loved my performance and it springboarded me into stardom. Also, the diplomat joined our side... Win.

[JohnnyCancer]

Playing a Morrow Project campaign, it's a post-apocalyptic setting where you play the role of someone put into stasis sometime from the 1970s to the 1990s, intended to rebuild civilization after World War 3. Anyways, our group was fighting a racist army led by a Morrow Project traitor. We killed a high ranking subordinate and used his demise as an opportunity to infiltrate their headquarters, under the guise of grieving soldiers bringing their commander home for a funeral. In fact we had filled his remains with explosives, which we set off at the service. It spared us the hassle of a series of battles with all those dudes at separate times.

[Paragon468]

Rory is pregnant.

We were searching for a girl called "Raven" who was supposed to have something in her possession containing the blood of a dragon (which the main villain needed for his plot). The villain who was pursuing us caught up with us before we found her, and he gave us a pretty hard time...

He asked which one of us was Raven, and my character, a sly roguish character, pointed to the party's tank, the player being named Rory, and said "he's Raven! That's her!".

Rolled my bluff check, aaaannd..... natural 20. My DM had house ruled that a natural 20 means automatic success on skill checks.

As it turns out, the thing containing the blood of a dragon was.... Well, Raven was pregnant. The villain proceeded to stab poor Rory and dig deeper and deeper into his flesh in search of an unborn child.

It was quite a hilarious scenario.