More Funny D&D Stories

[MelThorn]

When the following tale occurred, I had never played any tabletop RPG before, and was completely new to the whole thing, but was really interested in it. I was about nineteen at the time. My friends introduced me to this massive community of friends who got together almost every week to role play. I've never seen anything like it before, and haven't seen it since, except possibly in MMORPGs. They all knew each other, quite well in fact, but I was totally new there, and save for the companions that brought me along, I didn't know any of them and felt a bit like a wallflower. Still, watching them play was engaging for the most part.

One of these two friends that brought me to the house where they all gathered to play had a crush on me. He was a pretty cool guy, and we had a lot of common interests. However, his feelings for me were a bit awkward, not because he wasn't fun... but because he was married, and I was also friends with his wife. Therefore, I had to turn down most of his advances... though this never appeared to thwart him one bit.

After bringing me to the house to join them on the massive game everyone was involved in, they told me the basic house rules and how to go about creating my first ever character. I was extremely excited about this, because I love to create characters and tell stories and play out their roles. I knew I was going to have a good time if I gave it a try. They told me if I had any questions, to consult with the GM. I proceeded to do so.

When I got the chance to speak to him, I asked him many questions pertaining to building my character, the statistics I'm meant to give them, how to write up a sheet, etc. I then asked him one of the primary questions on my mind:

"Could I play a male character? I'd like to."

I was new to this whole thing, so I expected to be mocked or made fun of for this, as I'm female in real life. On the contrary, the GM was really cool about it.

"This is our universe, and you can be whoever you want to be. If you want to play a guy, go right ahead! Everything is up to you!"

Relieved, I started making my new character, who was, in fact, male. I made him a little cocky, a little arrogant, and a bit of a troublemaker, one who always gets in trouble with the law. I found it to be amusing.

My married friend, on the other hand, was not amused.

"Building your character, huh?" he asked me when he saw me working on my sheet.

"Yup. His name's Jack." I was drawing his portrait on the back of my sheet.

"Wait. You're playing a guy?"

Confused, I asked, "Yeah, why?"

He gives me a grumpy, pouty look. "Why do you want to play a guy?"

Ugh. I saw this conversation coming, but didn't know it would happen so soon. "Because I want to."

"I pictured you as something different. Like... a warlock seductress or something. I think that's what you should play. You'd be really cool playing that."

Of course, I knew the real reason why he wanted me to play a female character, but his frustration led to me becoming even more dedicated to my male role. "I don't want to play that."

"But you'd be hot like that."

I told him I made my decision and to basically leave me alone. He did not. It came up more than it should have, even when the group led me into an introductory tutorial to tabletop role playing. The game was basically me and my friend's character in a bar together. Mine was attempting to buy him a drink, and I admit, I laid it on thick, and I could tell it made him feel strange, which back then I felt guilty for, but now I'm entertained by. When my "tutorial" session finished and the other guys at the table pretty much just told me "so that's how the game goes!" without even giving two craps that my character was male, my friend is meanwhile stewing at me. He confessed that me playing a male character made it difficult for his overpowered gothic Drizzt type dude to hit on mine because his wasn't gay. I admit, he seemed genuinely and concurrently saddened and angered by this turn of events. He then began insulting my character every chance he got and started telling me how little he liked him, and how I should play something else. My job here is to play the game, man, not make you happy, FFS.

Why did he have to hit on my character at all? Not even in a damn game where I'm pretending to be somewhere and someone else could I escape his creepiness >.<

Anyways, that was a long time ago. I'm thirty years old now, married, and play a weekly DnD session with my husband and brother-in-law, who is not only a great DM, but funny! Good things come to those who wait, I suppose.

And no, my husband would not give a damn if I played a dude.

[ComaVision]

-snip-

The story would be easier to read if you mentioned you're female earlier on.

That being said, it sucks you had to endure that. This story belongs in the thread that has the worst player experiences.

[MelThorn]

This story belongs in the thread that has the worst player experiences.

It definitely wasn't one of the best experiences, but looking back on it, I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. Or maybe I have an odd sense of humor.
My husband was reading me some of the stories from the thread and decided to share mine. Sorry if I posted in the wrong one.

[Lord Torath]

Therefore, I had to turn down most of his advances...

Only most?

Sorry you had a hard time back then, but I'm glad you can look back on it and laugh!

[PsychoBear]

Ignore, realized I was wrong after posting.

[Dr. Jackal]

So i recently joined a group of players doing a Fallout RPG. So in came Dr. Jackal.

Skills; medicine, science, repair, survival, melee weapons.

Equpment;

Weapons: Dr. Stabby (Machete sized scalpel)
Dart gun (loaded with w.e drugs or poison i made recently)
And a seemingly unlimited amount of throwing scalpels.

Armor: kevlar reinforced trenchcoat.
Custom gas/breathing mask

Other: seemingly unlimited supply of drugs, alchohol, and meds from the depths of trenchcoat

Nurse: a modified army combat bot that has been modified with auto-doc parts. Unfortunately still has loud army voice installed.


About the Dr. ....Insane, drunk, no respect for authority, and a sadistic *******. When the group found me i was elbow deep in one of the travellers i had captured and was torturing. I attempted to drop a flashbang and knockout gas them which resulted in me blowing myself up while they watched. I then forced them to hire me and carry my gear to their lab.
So far on several occasions they have had to stop me from:
-operating on their soldiers
-experimenting on their soldiers
-using soldiers as dart boards
-killing my supervisor
-killing the Head Scientist to take his job
-killing my lab assistant (he was a scrawny soldier they had to spare. Best bday present ever)
-setting off the bases fire alarm when they wouldnt refer to me as Admiral

My goals are simple:
-equip Chimera tanks with alien deathrays (small ones. They wont let me have fun)
-make armor plated super mutants with tesla cannons on their backss
-create self destructing ghoul army

So far everyone just puts up with my insanity, but once i get my lab up and running we shall see how they cope with the screams.

Will update regularly
Cheers,
Dr. Jackal

[Deremir]

This is the story of the crusader of Jacob.

So I recently started a new campaign and while the players were traveling through a forest I hinted at their being dire wolves about, so one of my players decides to try hunting the dire wolves. One crit fail later and not only did the player not find the wolves, one of the wolves found him! So the wolf gets a sneak attack and the player imidiately drops into the negatives (this was the first encounter of the campaign . When the rest of the party arrives they immediately launch into combat, the fairy sorceror gets eaten,a fighter goes down and they do basically no damage, until the kender rouge finally gets involved, he slings a stone and gets a nat 20 twice. So the dire wolf that the rest of the party couldn't scratch dies from a stone. He then decides to try to impress the one fighter in the party that's still up, and proceeds to roll another nat 20. So that character now believes that Jacob the kender rouge is a god. This beleif has only been furthered by the fact that Jacob has an uncanny ability to deal the last bit of damage that kills whatever they encounter .

Later the player that now worships Jacob decided to write a book about the glory of Jacob the god, only to proceed to get anathor nat 20.

Thus was born the crusader of jacob

[Dr TPK]

Another player to a new player:
"We've got this Mace +3 if you want. You just have to bathe it in blood every day."
The new player:
"I don't know. I like my short sword +1. I'll pass."

[SingularByte]

This took place in an Elder Scrolls game. I was the khajiit 'expert' on the Dwemer, and the party was a khajiit assassin, a spellcaster high elf, a breton inventor and the ugliest wood elf you'll ever meet.

The mission was simple. We just had to get into a manor outside Vivec, steal a Dwemer tapestry, and give it to our employer.

The plan was also simple. Some of us would request a meeting with the target, and try to sell him some 'Dwemer armour' while the others scaled the wall, broke into the manor, grabbed the tapestry and ran.

I'd say it all started well, but it really, really didn't.

The first part was getting some armour to sell. Rather than buying some for thousands of gold, we just got Spellcaster's armour and decorated it. I, of course, had to roll on my Dwemer knowledge skill to make a legitimate fake, and failed miserably so I ended up covering it with wooden spikes and silly faces, with Inventor's help. To make the armour more realistic, I knew we had to make it seem mechanical, so the plan was that when a button on the armour was pressed, Spellcaster would cast Metal Shard Barrier to cover it in metal spikes.

The next part was the meeting itself. The inventor drove me and Spellcaster up to the front door, and we were escorted in. I started my spiel, but the target didn't believe for a second that the armour as real, especially after I rolled a total of 0 on my persuade check, so he brought us into an inner room to point out what Dwemer armour actually looks like. I made one last attempt to persuade him by pressing the button, and Spellcaster dutifully cast the spell. Our target then responded by telling us it was obviously fake, and plucking off one of the wooden spikes on the armour.

This was where it went to hell. The Barrier spell specifically retaliates against grapples or touch attacks, so by plucking the spike off, the spell made an attack, got a critical hit, and turned him into countless chunks of meat. At this point, I started screaming and panicking, threw a chair through the closest window, and fled. Spellcaster considered sticking around for a moment, but with guards bursting through the doors, he decided to follow.

I managed to easily slip through the outer fence and get away, but Spellcaster wasn't so lucky. He ended up taking arrow after arrow, until he fell unconscious face-first into a stream a few meters from the walls.

Still, it wasn't all bad. We caused the distraction that Assassin and Wood Elf needed to loot the place, and that's what counts.

[CrispyCriminal]

This was where it went to hell. The Barrier spell specifically retaliates against grapples or touch attacks, so by plucking the spike off, the spell made an attack, got a critical hit, and turned him into countless chunks of meat. At this point, I started screaming and panicking, threw a chair through the closest window, and fled. Spellcaster considered sticking around for a moment, but with guards bursting through the doors, he decided to follow.

I managed to easily slip through the outer fence and get away, but Spellcaster wasn't so lucky. He ended up taking arrow after arrow, until he fell unconscious face-first into a stream a few meters from the walls.

Still, it wasn't all bad. We caused the distraction that Assassin and Wood Elf needed to loot the place, and that's what counts.

So did Mr. Altmer meet Decumus Scotti on his way down the river before he (presumably) died? Also, bad end to a life of crime from someone who is high in society.

[SingularByte]

So did Mr. Altmer meet Decumus Scotti on his way down the river before he (presumably) died? Also, bad end to a life of crime from someone who is high in society.

The adventure only actually happened yesterday, so we'll be seeing exactly what happens to him next week.

[Milodiah]

Bad end to a life of crime from someone who is high in society.

Nonsense, I hope to die by suddenly exploding for no apparent reason.

[Heartspan]

My story starts off with my necromancer (cleric) level 7. Our group had just come through a portal into a frozen waste, in order to satisfie the conditions made to appease a devil ( for a free airship). Well we adventured around a bit, ( i got a couple undead polar bears and almost eaten by a giant ice frog) then we came across a village. After epic persuasion and perform storytelling rolls, we were welcomed as heroes. They gave us a large chest, with a smaller chest inside of it surrounded by severed hands. Seeing the chest was obviously trapped, we took it to a separate room where we could play with it without alarming anyone. I stuck my hand in real fast, in an attempt to grab the chest without harm. I lose my hand. Unfazed, i cast animate undead on my hand, had it throw me the box, then crawl out on its own. I then healed my stump, and stuck the zombified hand onto my arm with a bracer and a cable, which now comes in handy when i wanna open things that may hurt me. I cant wield two handed things in combat though xD

[ComaVision]

My story starts off with my necromancer (cleric) level 7. Our group had just come through a portal into a frozen waste, in order to satisfie the conditions made to appease a devil ( for a free airship). Well we adventured around a bit, ( i got a couple undead polar bears and almost eaten by a giant ice frog) then we came across a village. After epic persuasion and perform storytelling rolls, we were welcomed as heroes. They gave us a large chest, with a smaller chest inside of it surrounded by severed hands. Seeing the chest was obviously trapped, we took it to a separate room where we could play with it without alarming anyone. I stuck my hand in real fast, in an attempt to grab the chest without harm. I lose my hand. Unfazed, i cast animate undead on my hand, had it throw me the box, then crawl out on its own. I then healed my stump, and stuck the zombified hand onto my arm with a bracer and a cable, which now comes in handy when i wanna open things that may hurt me. I cant wield two handed things in combat though xD

I don't know what specific edition that is but Animate Dead in 3.5 can only be used on a mostly intact body or skeleton. I think the DM gave you a fair bit of leeway for this.

[Heartspan]

We were playing pathfinder, and yeah, he totally did. I converted the character to 5e recently, (havnt played with him yet) and now its basically one of those murdering hand things, and its treated as my familiar. Oh, and itll try to kill me every once and while if the DM's ominous hints are anything to go by.

[IZ42]

I'm currently playing a VoP MMoS Hungry Ghost Monk (Just barely optimized, seeing as its my first character, and is still going strong) in a RHoD campaign. I was killed by the general of the Red Hand, and got reincarnated as an elf and got the Celestial Blessed Template for free, because rewards. Currently travelling to the domain of Tiamat with the group to defeat her. My character has had a long history of doing dumb things in the name of shenanigans (such as fighting a hobgoblin on the back of a black dragon over a lake and kicking it off, face melting two razorfiends, and carrying a bunch of rabbits out of a lich's lair because one of the party members got polymorphed and cast mirror image, punching a behir to death, and stepping INSIDE the range of the Red Hand's general and getting subsequently insta-gibbed... 120 damage in one swing GRRRRR...). We had a random encounter in mid-air with 4 wyverns, so our party nature oracle summoned some gravity elementals and sent the two melee people (me and the greatsword wielding bard, don't ask) out to attack them. I decide to jump from the elementals telekinesis grasp at the wyvern and try to grapple it. I succeed. 500 feet in the air. The wyvern turned in to salsa, and I survived without a scratch. Out of 4 wyverns, 3 were killed by fall damage (entangling shot, hideous laughter, and being grappled) and one was shot by an alchemist with a bow and the rapid bombs discovery. Crispy wyvern bits. On a related note, I am no longer allowed to grapple things in mid-air, for the sake of my party's and my dm's sanity.

[Loxagn]

This from a Final Fantasy game I am currently DMing:

So the party was tasked with retrieving a shard of magicite (magic-infused crystal, exceedingly rare to the point of being virtually non-existent inworld) from a local cave system, a mine that had been abandoned when an infestation of monsters moved in. There were subtle hints as they progressed inwards that things were not quite right; apart from a few corpses animated by the ambient magic, they hadn't really run into anything that qualified as an 'infestation', though as they progressed there were subtle hints like far-off skittering noises and walls caked in waxy, suspiciously organic material.

Then they find, in one of the deeper caverns, a Mimic, feeding on the corpse of an unfortunate explorer, and kill it before hearing those same skittering noises coming from what look to be burrows in the cave walls.

This would be where the trouble comes in. Confronted with a hole in the wall that stinks of rotting meat with noises further in (and many paths unexplored), the party's chemist announces: 'I'm going to search the hole.'

He's told there's a smell like rotting meat and ammonia, and he can hear things moving much, much deeper inside, but he can't see anything.

"I attempt to climb into the hole."

Several botched rolls later, the chemist has gotten himself wedged into the hole and very much stuck. The dragoon attempts to unstick him, and promptly crit-fails the roll, throwing out his back. Infuriated, they proceed to throw everything they have at the hole. They toss a torch down it. They throw fireballs into it. The dragoon (who is a yeti and about four times the mass of said chemist) attempts to wedge himself into the hole, before the mage sends a light ball down it to see what it can run into. All told, a full thirty minutes of session time, spent investigating a hole in the ground.

I eventually just siad they found some scraps of a fairly valuable metal in there, just so they'd at least feel that their time hadn't been completely wasted on an inconsequential detail.

Imagine my face when this is ignored entirely, they decide there's nothing of interest in it, and move on.

[Inevitability]

and cake walls

Must... find... this... place...

[Loxagn]

Must... find... this... place...

Fffff.

Fixed. Sorry. Meant to say 'walls caked in', not sure how that happened

[KnotKnormal]

this just happened recently.

For the past 3 years I've been running a continuous string of campaigns in the same world, with the same recurring NPCs. One of these NPCs, is a woman named Terial. She been nick named by the players as "Care Taker." She is easily the nicest, most helpful, soft spoken, easy going, character I have ever created. She is immensely powerful, and uses that power to heal, revive, and put the party back together. Recently during a large scale, city wide battle. The party came up against the BBEG and promptly had their @$$es handed to them. Terial who helped them get that far, then sacrificed herself to save the party and stop the BBEG (temporarily). I was expecting people to be upset but it's been 3 weeks since then and none of my Players Have managed to get over it. I even think they are going through the stages of loss. I have a small hunch that they resent me a little bit for killing her. One of my players and close friends was talking to me about the session while in the middle of a Target store when suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me violently and screamed "why did you have to kill her?!?" We then had to explain to the off duty officer one isle over that no one actually died.

I posted this a "help wanted" because i didn't readily know how to fix the problem, but if you want to read more and read how i fixed it here is the original thread.

read more

[Shoggy]

I haven't Played D&D for years, but I have a few good memories I wrote up a while back which may be good for a laugh:

(first one is long, sorry, non image version below these)

Spoiler: Shoggy the Seldom Dog

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Spoiler: Volg Causes a Paradox

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Spoiler: Tommy

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Spoiler: Potato of Faith

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Spoiler: Shane the Shy

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The originals of these can be viewed here if you'd prefer:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/32461889

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/33660810/

[Dire Moose]

Re: Shoggy the Seldom Dog

I may have to use this next time I run a campaign. In case anyone's interested, the DM from that campaign wrote up the game mechanics for Shoggy as well.

[Hbgplayer]

In my group, I'm the one with the temperamental dice. Some nights I'll average 15+. Others, I'm lucky if I average 5 with bonuses.

One night, playing a d20 modern game a friend based off Falling Sky's, I became the driver of a school bus while running from a Mech. It had been a decent nights, averaging around 12-13. My buddy was playing a 15 year old girl (he's got habit of playing that type just to get under everyone's skin, but that's another story) and my character used to be a paramedic. (S)He actually had a higher driving skill bonus than I did, but my character refused to let "some little girl" drive a school bus and drove the bus.

Eventually, our group was spotted by the aliens and began to be pursued by one of their mechs. Driving around one of the twisty mountain roads of the Sierra Nevada, we see another mech blocking the road ahead. There was cliff straight down on one side, and a two-foot shoulder on the other before sheer granite wall. So what do I do? I push pedal to the medal and try to ram.

I suppose the fact that the bus is full of 20-25 near-term pregnant women is probably an important fact to know at this moment.

The mech, realizing what I was trying to do, tried to get out of the way, opening up a 10-foot wide gap on the shoulder of the road. I try to make it.

I roll a 2. With a bonus of +1.

Do I make it? Of course not. The steering column breaks off in my hands and the bus turns the opposite direction, ramming full speed (~50 MPH) into the Mech. Good news: The mech died. Then again, so did everyone on the bus other than myself and the other PC.

***************

Oh, one must never forget our group's 2nd finest achievement.

Whilst playing a Star Wars campaign, our group of rebels got caught in the orbit of a gas giant's moon by a Star Destroyer. With Vader on it. We were in a converted Corellien Corvette, and it was brought into the docking bay of the SD. In desperation we decided we were going to ignite the main engines. While in the SD. The rest of the party, with a deactivated copy of my droid body (by now I was on my second character, a droid), loaded into a escape pod of the SD after battling through the bay and several corridors, and launched. My primary body overwrote the coding and fired up the main engines. Five minutes later (game time, it was closer to 30 IRL as the DM had to research WTH would happen if a Corvette's main drives were lit inside of a SD) the party was pile-driven into the surface of the planet by the shock-wave of the cataclysmic explosion.

Our group's finest achievement was cracking a moon in half after the Hutt's tried to sabotage our ship by disabling our Hyper-drive. We picked up a shipment of spice and met with one of their leaders in orbit to transfer the goods. We had a Gallofree troop transport, and one of our NPC's happened to notice charges set on the hyper-drive, set to blow 30 minutes after our separation. Well, we couldn't let them get away with that, so we added more explosive, hi-jacked a small freighter that they had in their bay, and detonated the explosive when we thought we would be far enough away. We weren't. The explosion of the Gallofree's hyperdrive plus that of the Hutt's combined and proceeded to crack the moon.
That was enough to have the Imperial version of the EPA actually do something and is what started Vader after us.

[Kodr]

So my friends and I have been playing a Fallout table top for almost a year now. The amount of crazy things that happen in that are astounding. I have a few yarns to spin in fact. My party is the following.

Chatter Beeps - a boxing android with 1 int.
Nancy Drew (really) - 10 year old private detective
Dan - A mentally unstable ghoul whom changes their name on the fly
Ryan Ghoulsling (me) - Pretty boy ghoul... and the driver
Doc - a lesbian half mutant who's a doctor... I forget their real name

Spoiler: the ray of wonders

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Upon leaving a vault in the truck we had just got our dm rolled for the first random encounter. We ended up finding a crashed space ship with an alien pistol and rifle. Both of these act just like the Rod of Wonder. This in it's self made up for a lot of stories on it's own. Little Nancy drew took the pistol and we mounted the rifle to our truck. Look out wasteland!

Spoiler: servitude

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Our party killed a some slavers in the wastes. They had a slave with them and instead of freeing him he kept him. Toby was a great friend to the party. He came with us to a enclave compound and on the first round of combat was evaporated by an automatic turret. As he was falling to ash he tried to hold onto the closest thing we could reach. It was the pants of Doc. He at least got to see the booty before death.

Spoiler: Hail Toby

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After such a fantastic death my party decided that Toby must have ascended to become a deity. While in the web, some priest told us we were fools for worshiping Him. That was his final mistake. We kept trying to convert him following him to a crowded hospital that he was volunteering. Nancy Drew had enough and just pulled out her alien pistol. "Than feel the power of Toby!" A rhinoceros materialized out of the pistol crushing the priest and pulling a Kool-aid man out of the hospital wall. We later then mounted him and tanks enemies in the waste.

Spoiler: i punch it

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Our party was in some evil doctors lab all tied up. We managed to free ourselves and get our equipment, but were still locked in the room.
Chatter Beeps "I punch the door."
The table sighs. "You punch everything."
DM "So you're stil..."
Chatter Beeps "I criticaled the door."

He rolled all 0's. He punched the door off it's hinges and KO'd the doctor whom was supposed to be a super long encounter. We mounted him to our truck along with the hours our DM wasted writing the encounter.

I spoiled them because I hate taking up a lot of room here. Fallout has been one of the goofier games I've ever played. I have way to many stories to even pick.

[Myrc88]

My first post, these are the characters to be concerned with, me, golden dragonborn warlock archfey patron path of the blade (CG). As well as a blue dragonborn rogue/barbarian. There was also a few others but they are not a so the party can suprise attcs important, the plot: in a cave, came across 12 kobolds in a bunk area, I disguise myself as a member of the cult with a badge I had acquired earlier, as well as casting disguise with mask of many faces to be a blue dragonborn. This leads to a tiefling party member casting darkness around the corner.
I walk il to these kobulds and try to get some to go around the corner,so they can surprise attack the kobulds, they don't buy it, so I step back into the darkness and minor illusion the voice of a really high ranking member of the cult to come into the darkness.
After having convinced one, he comes in, the whole party is waiting, sneak attack for instakill. The only thing the kobulds hear is SCHWING, SCHWING. They are terrified, the rogue/barb convinces two others to come, same thing as before.
once a few were slept with a spell, I wrote on the wall in the darkness saying: PASS THIS WAY AND DIE!!!! the tiefling I mentioned checked it for legibility, it was crude, but worked. The rest of the kobulds we let huddle in the room, scared s#@$less. Alive, with no idea what just happened, minor illusion of the song spooky scarey skeletons playing behind them.
At least, I think this is funny, idk about anyone else.

[Dunsparce]

This just happened last night. Characters of note:
-Eliwood Smith: My character. CN Mystic Ranger, bit of an oddball
-Zook: CN Gnome Cleric, is the straight man of the group despite his alignment
-Crazy Old Man: A guy we just rescued from a prison after looti-I mean cleansing the corruption out of a church.

Anyways the party, after defeating the boss of the place, found a hidden passage behind the main altar. After making sure nothing is trapped, we reached a room with an old man in it with amnesia, where he mentions that there is a an artifact that can grant wishes. Meanwhile Eliwood, not giving a **** about some old dude, started using is overly muscular pet dog to break down doors to look for loot(He could've just opened them, but that's no fun). He broke down a door that revealed a giant emerald statue of a snake. If asked Eliwood to make a wish, but Eliwood had to go to the bathroom so he asked where the nearest bathroom is.

"Two doors to the right" it said as it slowly crumbled away, mightily pissing of Zook and his player. Eliwood rushed to the bathroom, which had platinum linings, a magical toilet that send your **** to another dimension, and gold leaf toilet paper. After doing his thing he promptly looted the bathroom, and Zook's player was busy raging over the whole thing while everyone else was laughing.

The best part is that Eliwood never knew in character that there was ever any wish. The poor old man found out we used it and he ran away screaming that the world was doomed, I guess we'll find out what he meant by that.

[Inevitability]

-Zook: CN Gnome Cleric, is the straight man of the group despite his alignment

Looks like someone here likes HPatN20...

[Dire Moose]

Oh, one must never forget our group's 2nd finest achievement.

Whilst playing a Star Wars campaign, our group of rebels got caught in the orbit of a gas giant's moon by a Star Destroyer. With Vader on it. We were in a converted Corellien Corvette, and it was brought into the docking bay of the SD. In desperation we decided we were going to ignite the main engines. While in the SD. The rest of the party, with a deactivated copy of my droid body (by now I was on my second character, a droid), loaded into a escape pod of the SD after battling through the bay and several corridors, and launched. My primary body overwrote the coding and fired up the main engines. Five minutes later (game time, it was closer to 30 IRL as the DM had to research WTH would happen if a Corvette's main drives were lit inside of a SD) the party was pile-driven into the surface of the planet by the shock-wave of the cataclysmic explosion.

If anyone wants to derail the plot of the original trilogy from the very beginning, that's how you do it.

[Inevitability]

The party has just cleared out a dungeon (nova'ing the BBEG in the surprise round ) and gathers all the loot. Amongst it is a plain, gray, but definitely magical bag. The party studies it, then, fearing it may be a Bag of Devouring, someone (kobold fighter) reaches in. Inside are three small fluffy balls.

So what does the kobold do? He squeezes one.

Me: Er... You squeeze the ball with all your koboldly strength. Suddenly, it bursts open. You are now squeezing a man-sized and very much angry badger. Roll for initiative.

The party discovered they'd found a Bag of Tricks, though.

[wicketman8]

In my groups last campaign we were playing with two players new to role-playing (one of whom insisted on being the DM) and another was only familiar with 4.0. With a few party members absent on our second session we were missing our damage and our tank leaving myself (a druid), a Sorcerer, and a Bard.

It was a weird campaign and in our first session we discovered a box that allowed you to travel through time. We were starting in a forest and on the first night during the Sorcerer's watch he saw a dark shape. The next day I was talking with a squirrel, trying to find a way out of the forest, and he mentioned a similar dark shape terrorizing the forest and village. I figured that this was probably our first lead for the actual story so we started tracking it. Our Sorcerer detected traces of old magic in a recently abandoned village.

At this point I should mention the time travel box moves from place to place in a sort of seemingly annual migration. We discovered the box in the village and the Sorcerer was able to estimate the thing had been there about 12 hours ago. So of course our bard suggested we go back and fight the dark monster. We all agreed and did so where we found the box not there yet and we were trapped, having to fight the monster. I recognized it as a Wendigo just before it murdered our whole party except me.

I escaped by sneaking back to where the box would appear and managed to actually go forward in time again where I warned us not to go into the forest before committing suicide. The DM actually just gave up at that point and our session was over.