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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    My group calls this one the boaryuken incident.

    The party had just been betrayed, almost killed, and had all of its stuff stolen by a known evil character that my paladin was coerced into working with for the greater good. After laughing at us maniacally and teleporting us away, my paladin wakes up in the middle of a forest with a boar chewing on her hair.

    At this point, I activate detect evil, not really expecting anything. The DM jokingly says it's the most evil boar I've ever met. I then smite it for so much damage with my bare fist that the DM says the boar disintigrates save for three strips of freshly cooked lean bacon clenched in my hand.

  2. - Top - End - #122
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    Morithias's Avatar

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    Haven't actually done this yet, but I think it would be funny to pull.

    The famous merchant Recette hires the adventurers to deliver a package to a workshop in the middle of nowhere. If they open the package they find a collar of umbral metamorphises, a mantle of stealth, a key that can open almost any lock (+30 to open lock), and a bag of holding that seem to have almost no limit.

    If they deliver the package, when they get back to town they find kids in the streets playing with toys that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. Further investigation reveals that Recette and the Blur twins decided to blow some of Recette's billions of gold pieces on making a new holiday, where the mysterious "person in red" gives toys to the kids who have been good this year.

    That's right, I want to run a D&D campaign about how a bored merchant decides to randomly create Christmas.

  3. - Top - End - #123
    Orc in the Playground
     
    newBlazingAngel's Avatar

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    May I use this? Please? It's too awesome to only be done once.
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    No I did not make my own banner, it was created by a very talented person who I've lost contact with.

    I just started playing D&D, and love the game

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    First level paladin.
    STR:14
    DEX: 8
    CON: 10
    INT:13
    WIS: 12
    CHA: 16

  4. - Top - End - #124
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    Morithias's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by newBlazingAngel View Post
    May I use this? Please? It's too awesome to only be done once.
    Go ahead. Nothing wrong with being nice to children. Although to afford all the fabrication spells to make all the toys and get them to all the kids....well I'm sure you can figure out how to make it work. Just be careful around certain gamers for who "festival = evil". I'll find the full frontal nerdity comic.

    Edit: Found it

    http://ffn.nodwick.com/?p=456
    Last edited by Morithias; 2012-08-08 at 02:32 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #125
    Pixie in the Playground
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    We were playing a level 10 campaign, where each of us had a flaw. I decided to play a rather Raziel (LoK) flavored character. So I made him a 9th level Necropolitan Soulknife. The flaw I picked out of the hat was over-dramatic. So we were in a dungeon and my characters adoptive sister (Half-Dragon Fighter) gets sealed in an area we can't immediately reach and so I get up and drop to my knees and act out my character pounding against the wall screaming "Nooooo!" and everyone is just staring at me and then they all bust up.
    "Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back!"

  6. - Top - End - #126
    Orc in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amazo View Post
    My group calls this one the boaryuken incident.

    The party had just been betrayed, almost killed, and had all of its stuff stolen by a known evil character that my paladin was coerced into working with for the greater good. After laughing at us maniacally and teleporting us away, my paladin wakes up in the middle of a forest with a boar chewing on her hair.
    Reminds me of a time my DM made our Paladin follow an evil character because they were the same religion.

    Paladin: He's clearly evil.
    DM: But you have to work for him because he is your high cleric.
    Paladin: I'm not working for him he is going to destroy the world.
    DM: And remake it in your Goddess's image...
    Paladin: Why would anyone ever want that? She's a Goddess of Death.
    DM: Your problem.
    Paladin: Okay...

    I over exaggerate...Alot.
    Haggis is Sheep's stomach filled with its intestines.

  7. - Top - End - #127
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Dread Angel's Avatar

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    This hasn't actually happened yet, but we shall see the fireworks tomorrow.

    For my campaign, we have a rather interesting party so far. An elven druid, who is kind of an all-rounder, played by the girl who actually arranged this group. A Tiefling ranger who plans to multiclass into rogue and has done a decent job of balancing archery with two-weapon-fighting even at 1st level, played by a girl who's only ever played in Russian before. A Human Cleric with a very elaborate backstory, a penchant for healing, and who managed to become a pirate against his will (better than getting killed), played by a high-ranking Army officer who's a buddy of mine. A Tiefling Sorceror with the Abyssal bloodline, who mostly enjoys finding creative ways to hurt people, played by Blake, an Iron-Maiden obsessed metalhead who's way too similar to me.

    And last but certainly not least, my fiancee's character.

    An Aasimar Oracle with the Heavens mystery. Has no idea he (my fiancee likes playing male characters, and does a decent job of it) is an aasimar, just wonders why his eyes are gold and his skin glows softly from time to time. Especially considering he's from Alkenstar, where the people are rather dusky-skinned.

    This character is freaking awesome. Being a mystically-inclined person, he wasn't particularly interested in staying around in Alkenstar working with the Gunworks. His father is an upper-middle-class worker in the Gunworks, and he doesn't know who his mother is. (An angel, but he has no idea). So he travelled...and is a massive drug addict. He LOVES mushrooms and will smoke anything.

    He has three aims:
    - To tame a unicorn to be his mount.
    - To find out who his mother is.
    - To find the ultimate mushroom.

    He has been taking drugs for so long that he has become inured to their effects, much like a functioning alcoholic...he can still tell who is friend and foe in combat, but doesn't always make tactically sound decisions. Gods help everyone when he hits 11th level and gets Phantasmal Killer 1/day as a standard action.

    Should be fun. A drug-addled Oracle aasimar, and a pair of Tieflings with a penchant for hurting things. XD
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  8. - Top - End - #128
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Doran's Avatar

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    One I heard from Congenial Con today

    (After a long sequence by Player A of misremembering peoples names)
    <Player B> Maybe you should write things down...
    <Player A> I don't need to write things down. My character has an eidetic memory.
    <Player A> I've only just remembered.
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  9. - Top - End - #129
    Orc in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Recently my group has gotten into actually Roleplaying our backstories. Before it was just me and one of my friends, but now its actually getting better, especially in our Star Wars game. Its set in the Jedi Civil war, before dark jedi were called Sith.

    Scientist - A jedi scientist who is trying to understand different ways of utilizing the force.
    Cat Jedi - A Mute Jedi that can send messages via the force.
    Me - Wookie pilot. Trying not to get killed, while at the same time getting paid. Can speak Basic because of surgery
    Jedi Knight - Just got out of being a Padawan and is trying to prove themselves capable.

    We landed on the Planet where the Rancor are native and came across a town. Upon landing I immediately headed to the bar. Last time we were on a planet people were wary of Jedi, because they saw all of them as the same, so I tried to do the talking. While at the same time distancing myself from them, because they practically beaten an innocent guy to death.

    Me: Hey, I just rolled into town.
    Bartender: I can see that, especially with the Jedi.
    Me: Yeah they didn't tell me what they were doing. Any idea why they would come to a backwater planet like this? Anything new going on?(*Bluff*)
    Bartender: Yeah, but I'm not going to tell someone as uninformed as you.
    Me: Okay. (*Wave to Scientist to come over*) He has a good memory.
    Scientist: What is the best drink you have to make someone forget everything?
    Me: *Facepalm*
    Last edited by DontEatRawHagis; 2012-08-11 at 09:29 PM.
    Haggis is Sheep's stomach filled with its intestines.

  10. - Top - End - #130
    Orc in the Playground
     
    newBlazingAngel's Avatar

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    I'm going to run the star wars roleplaying game for my church in the near future. We recently hired two new youth pastors who are amazing enough to let me DM, and think it's a good idea to take a trip to Comic Con next year.
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    No I did not make my own banner, it was created by a very talented person who I've lost contact with.

    I just started playing D&D, and love the game

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    First level paladin.
    STR:14
    DEX: 8
    CON: 10
    INT:13
    WIS: 12
    CHA: 16

  11. - Top - End - #131
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    1-st level group (PF fighter+rogue+sorcerer+druid), all players new to RPGs, this probably was their second session. No cleric in the party. Despite being 1st level I was generous with initial wealth, and allowed a single magic item per player below 1500gp.

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    The party is walking through the wilderness following a lead to find a person who has disappeared. They spot at the distance someone walking, getting closer but not going specifically towards them. I describe this person as staring to the front mindlessly, walking slowly in an almost mechanical pace, with tattered clothes. They decide this person might have a clue/know something and decide to intercept him.

    As they get close, I also describe that a rotten smell emanates from him, and that he has several open wounds and even exposed bone in some places, but isn't bleeding. They shout at him to stop, and this guy ignores them.

    So they step in the way, and he attacks the party, groaning and mumbling (not very proficiently... this was not a random encounter but a hint that there was somebody playing with undeads in a nearly place). The party is still decided to interrogate this guy, and at this point I get convinced that, having really read just enough of the rulebook to start playing their characters, nobody has even thought that this might be some kind of undead/zombie, and are speculating if this some kind of magical disease inflicted on him. After a quick check that no one has ranks in Knowledge(religion) and should have a heads up, I decide to play along. The party manages to grapple [I let the grappling fighter know that his body appears to be cold], pin and tie him to a tree, and try to interrogate and even threaten him with no success.

    Then the druid has this brilliant and well hearted idea

    Druid: if he's ill and we heal him, perhaps he'll act in a more friendly way
    Party: yes, let's try that
    Druid: I grab my CLW wand [her magic item] and heal him
    Me: [trying not to chuckle] Um... ok, roll for damage... er I mean, hit points.
    Druid: [rolls]
    Me: [rolling will save] Ok, you see how he twists, apparently in pain and some fresh wounds appear in him
    Druid: [genuinely puzzled, IC and OOC] Ummm, I didn't know this wand had a chance for failure. I'll try again [rolls]
    Me: [knowing that even a Will-half save won't help him] A white warm glow flows from the wand again into the creature. He appears to resist for a while, then he stops moving
    Party: OK, probably he hadn't much information to provide us anyway. That was weird however

    At this point, I was too amused to let it go and I didn't want them to miss the fun, so I explained them OOC how this worked, and allowed the Sorcerer a check on Knowledge (Arcana) to realize IC part of how this positive energy/negative energy worked.

    To this day we still chuckle about the time they killed a zombie by trying to be genuinely nice to it.

  12. - Top - End - #132
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Emperordaniel's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by darni View Post
    1-st level group (PF fighter+rogue+sorcerer+druid), all players new to RPGs, this probably was their second session. No cleric in the party. Despite being 1st level I was generous with initial wealth, and allowed a single magic item per player below 1500gp.

    Spoiler
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    The party is walking through the wilderness following a lead to find a person who has disappeared. They spot at the distance someone walking, getting closer but not going specifically towards them. I describe this person as staring to the front mindlessly, walking slowly in an almost mechanical pace, with tattered clothes. They decide this person might have a clue/know something and decide to intercept him.

    As they get close, I also describe that a rotten smell emanates from him, and that he has several open wounds and even exposed bone in some places, but isn't bleeding. They shout at him to stop, and this guy ignores them.

    So they step in the way, and he attacks the party, groaning and mumbling (not very proficiently... this was not a random encounter but a hint that there was somebody playing with undeads in a nearly place). The party is still decided to interrogate this guy, and at this point I get convinced that, having really read just enough of the rulebook to start playing their characters, nobody has even thought that this might be some kind of undead/zombie, and are speculating if this some kind of magical disease inflicted on him. After a quick check that no one has ranks in Knowledge(religion) and should have a heads up, I decide to play along. The party manages to grapple [I let the grappling fighter know that his body appears to be cold], pin and tie him to a tree, and try to interrogate and even threaten him with no success.

    Then the druid has this brilliant and well hearted idea

    Druid: if he's ill and we heal him, perhaps he'll act in a more friendly way
    Party: yes, let's try that
    Druid: I grab my CLW wand [her magic item] and heal him
    Me: [trying not to chuckle] Um... ok, roll for damage... er I mean, hit points.
    Druid: [rolls]
    Me: [rolling will save] Ok, you see how he twists, apparently in pain and some fresh wounds appear in him
    Druid: [genuinely puzzled, IC and OOC] Ummm, I didn't know this wand had a chance for failure. I'll try again [rolls]
    Me: [knowing that even a Will-half save won't help him] A white warm glow flows from the wand again into the creature. He appears to resist for a while, then he stops moving
    Party: OK, probably he hadn't much information to provide us anyway. That was weird however

    At this point, I was too amused to let it go and I didn't want them to miss the fun, so I explained them OOC how this worked, and allowed the Sorcerer a check on Knowledge (Arcana) to realize IC part of how this positive energy/negative energy worked.

    To this day we still chuckle about the time they killed a zombie by trying to be genuinely nice to it.
    I love this one.
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  13. - Top - End - #133
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    BRC's Avatar

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    Final one from the 1920's campaign, which just ended.

    Background

    My character (The Mobster) is not especially devout, however the Sorcadin worships Pelor.
    One of the High Level Mobster talents is called "Blackmail a Diety", it grants me three free castings of Wish or Miracle, with the explanation that I am, well, blackmailing a deity.

    I'll leave out the context, but we needed to get inside the Statue of Liberty (A Colossus in this setting), the Door was locked, and it was warded against Teleportation.
    Me: Hey Paladin, Lend me your holy symbol.
    Paladin: Okay...
    Me: *Speaking Into the Holy Symbol* Hey PELOR, I sure WISH we were inside the control room right now!
    Paladin: You know, Shouting like that dosn't-

    The entire party vanishes and reappears inside the Control Room in a burst of light.

    I hand the Paladin his holy symbol.

    Me: You were doing it wrong.

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  14. - Top - End - #134
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Doorhandle's Avatar

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    The mobster class, she ieez beautiful!

    Also, how common are those 3 free castings? is that all you get, or can they be refreshed?
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  15. - Top - End - #135
    Orc in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    You ever get flash backs to a game you ran before. Last session of a Star Wars game, I had this happen.

    Me: Okay, I'll stay behind and keep an eye on the rear.
    GM: Okay, roll a perception check.
    Me: *Roll Fail*
    GM: You are currently being strangled by something, it appears to be a snake.
    Me: Help
    GM: It is gagging you.
    Me: Can anyone help my character?
    Jedi: Can we hear anything?
    GM: Roll Percep-
    Me: For crying out loud. *Fires Blaster*
    Jedi: Did we hear that?
    GM: It is a blaster rifle...OF COURSE!

    Segway.

    A few months back this happened in a campaign I ran. The temple was created by a very rich society and they actually saw not being greedy as a sign of weakness. The players knew this but didn't realize the significance. Sorcerer, Rogue, and Ardent(4e Darksun).

    Me: You find yourselves in a room with three suits of armor.
    Rogue: Perception *Roll Succeed*
    Me: Each suit seems to be just a helmet and plates for arms and legs. You can easily step inside them. One suit is made of gold, the other seems to be Obsidian, and the last one is made of rusty chainmail.
    Sorcerer(The DnD Expert): Ah, a test of humbleness and intelligence. The Gold is out of the question because it is too expensive, so it has to be the rusty chainmail. Functionality over expensiveness.
    Ardent: So what do we do?
    Sorcerer: Step into the Chainmail of course.
    Ardent: *Steps into the armor* Is something suppo-

    *Chainmail wraps around the Ardent encasing him and crushing his body*

    Rogue: We have to save him.
    Sorcerer: Wait. This could be what's supposed to happen.
    Rogue: What?
    Sorcerer: Yes, only in death can we continue onward. Hold still while I slit your throat.
    Me: WTF!

    After that they went to the Obsidian one and when that blew up, they hesitated to enter the golden armor. Which upon entering, caused the wall to shift revealing a door to the next room.

    Sometimes I don't understand players. And I never understand how my mind connected these stories.
    Haggis is Sheep's stomach filled with its intestines.

  16. - Top - End - #136
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ExtravagantEvil's Avatar

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    Okay, this one is on the darker side of funny, but short and sweet.


    I was the DM, one of my Players was going for the Intimidating Fighter type of character, and was accompanying a Chaotic Good Barbarian about while the other players were making Gather INformation checks.

    I had them running through a murder mystery, and was tossing a couple of standard red herrings about. The wife, was one of them. She was weeping due to her husband being killed by the mystery's killer.

    So she's emotionally wrecked, on the outside, and has trouble talking about everything that happened.

    The Fighter, goes up, starts yelling at her, Backhands her, and tries to force the answers out of the widow.

    She does the "logical" thing, and continues to cry.

    The Barbarian protests this, obviously.

    And he did it and rolled intimidate again, so she eventually told him about what she felt of her husband to make it stop.

    And he was Lawful Good. I really should have forced an alignment change during that game...
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  17. - Top - End - #137
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    BRC's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Doorhandle View Post
    The mobster class, she ieez beautiful!

    Also, how common are those 3 free castings? is that all you get, or can they be refreshed?
    The class was built PF-Style, with three tiers of special talents you could choose from at various levels (I'll see if I can get my DM to post it/let me post it). The Top talents (or "Specialities") you got at 17th and 19th level.
    Blackmailing a Diety got you three wishes, if you wanted three more you would need to retake the Talent at 19th level.

    I went with the 19th level talent that gives me 1/day Will Save vs Has Been Working For Me The Entire Time.

    Sadly, the one time I got to use it the other guy made his save.


    Oh hey, my DM posted the Class.
    Last edited by BRC; 2012-08-16 at 12:23 PM.

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  18. - Top - End - #138
    Orc in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtravagantEvil View Post
    And he did it and rolled intimidate again, so she eventually told him about what she felt of her husband to make it stop.

    And he was Lawful Good. I really should have forced an alignment change during that game...
    Personally, Alignment isn't necessary mechanics wise, it seems to have been added restrictions onto players. Ie, Class Restrictions and Magical Weapon restrictions.

    As for the Player even Lawful Good needs to know how to play Bad Cop, Good Cop.
    Haggis is Sheep's stomach filled with its intestines.

  19. - Top - End - #139
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    BardGuy

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    Ok, this is from the pathfinder game I am currently playing.
    I had missed the last session, so I come back after the group had finished going to the "Gates of Dawn".
    Oddly, the sorceress had not been there either, so neither of our characters knew that our summoner had changed from a halfling into a human.

    So the sorceress stops by the shop the magus is working for and asks him to tell her where she can find the summoner. He is in the Wayfinder guild, wich turns the sorceress away when she asks for the summoner. So, she returns to the magus.
    By this point, my alchemist is there.
    Frustrated that she cannot get to the summoner, decides to take a more direct approach. She Dominates the magus.
    Now, the magus and my alchemist are budds, kinda like an unofficial bortherly bond. So when he sees the sorceress casting Dominate on the magus, he does the most logical thing in his mind: he slaps a tanglefoot bag in her face, glueing his hand to her mouth.
    As the owner of the shop comes in, my alchemist pitches a Dispelling bomb at the magus to rid him of the enchantment, then drags the sorceress outside.
    As he is fed up with the dumb stunts the sorceress has been pulling, always "pretending" to betray the party so she can catch the enemy off guard, he chugs a growth potion and uses his wings to fly 90ft up with the intent of letting the sorceress fall to her death when the tanglefoot bag wears off.
    Unfortunately, she hits him with a Hold Person, before using Feather Fall on both of them as she realizes they are still stuck together.
    As they hit the ground, the magus casts Stinking Cloud to break them up, then the summoner teleports in to end the fight.

    It was chaotic, but amusing. And nobody died.
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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  20. - Top - End - #140
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    From a Monsters a Other Childish Things Campaign I'm in.

    The Group
    Me/Jackie (Monster: Calt)
    Stacey(Monster: Mr. Ichron)
    Alex (Monster: Sin)
    Gregory(Weird Kid)
    Matt(Monster: Gean)
    Ellina(Weird Kid)
    Eric(Gm's Weird Kid for if any of us run a session or 2)

    Are monsters are played by different people or the Gm.
    Calt: Stacey's Player
    Sin & Mr. Ichron: Gm
    Gean: Gregory's Player

    Information: Alex had gotten drunk the night before this was a obvious fact
    Me and Stacey: Slam are books into the desk and shout "HEY ALEX!"
    This continued for about 5minutes in game and the group

    After defeating the Monster; Fire Starter a dangerous beast setting fire to parts of the woods to help his kid
    So we beat his monster to 2crippled locations(5-8dice)
    And Matt goes to talk with him and heal Firestarter
    At this point Calt says using her ability to hear on the wind exactlly when Firestarter appears. She then shoots in dropping the poor guy to 3dice(Burn reducing it to 2the next round).
    At which point Gean steps in so if the fight continues she will stop Calt from eating fire starter
    She failed in the most comedic way possible
    Firestarter had his own attack bounced back and then Gean tried to take the attack followed by the burn from Calts attack carrying over.
    The end result 8different tests and checks.
    The actual scene?
    A 30ft Albino Snake that can fly, control the wind and create snowstorms slams into a Giant Guy with a head of fire a car for legs and melting gauntlets for hands.
    At which point a angelic women in armor with a shield that has the templar cross jumps in.
    Who catches the first attack of the Fire Giant well the giant snakes burn causes the kid the Giant is bonded to go unconscious
    Followed by said Fire giants next attack be deflected back by the snake and the knightly women and her kid both failing to dive into the attack and the snake then eating the guy
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    You're a frickin' ninja below me, too!? You got mad skills, Vknight.
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    Rogue vs. Dog. (The new Cat vs. Commoner, only not amusing!)
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    You are making the assumption of rational planning. After 37 years of dungeon crawling, I still have zero evidence that the average dungeon was designed by the sane.
    "Sleep is optional, just ask Vknight" Someone I Forget but thanks... I don't

  21. - Top - End - #141
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Roguenewb's Avatar

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    The cast and crew:

    Mike, as the mighty Druid 20, with his T-Rex animal companion
    Sam, as the crazed Warmage 20
    Joe, as the mighty Cleric 15/Thaumaturgist 5
    Me, the Knight 20, with my human fighter 4 squire

    Besides the hilarious jokes about my much, much lower power level, here's my story:

    Our newly formed team, tavern-met, learned that the nearby town of Nystulville was being besieged by a black dragon. We, as the mighty heroes that we were, took off to save the town, cause I, as Knight, insisted that we walk and go immediately. We reached the town, and learned about the nearby dragon that had been attacking, and melting into the nearby swamp every dawn. It became clear that the dragon had some sort of under-swamp home, and that we would have to go in there to get it, because only insane people fight a dragon outside.

    Mike decides, quite rightly, that we don't need another big fighter, and that the T-Rex is just likely to get in the way. The T-rex is left to guard the town. We struck out into the swamp, and soon found all the landmarks that had been described, and it became clear that we would have to go into the swamp water to do so. After a ton of stupid deliberation, the Warmage gets Freedom of movement cast on him (I don't remember how), and goes swimming.

    He finds an underwater cave entrance and follows it to the point where the tunnel comes back above water in a dimly lit cave and starts looking around for the Black Dragon (in retrospect, this becomes an incredibly terrible plan we had...). And what does our fine, loony as a bat, warmage see? THE TARRASQUE. In perhaps the only display of humility I've ever seen from Sam, he runs back out the tunnel, knowing well that Warmages are badly suited for tarrasque killing. He emerges from the water into the swamp where we are standing, and he simply shouts, "BIG T!"

    Not a moment after he finishes his shout, the hillside off to our left explodes, and the tarrasque charges. I, as a level 20 knight, turn my horse, and charge along side my squire. The Tarrasque meets us head on, and kills my squire in a single hit, kills my horse in the second, and throws me across the swamp in the third hit.

    Our party looks around, and decides that the townsfolk obviously are fools, and confused the Tarrasque with a black dragon, whatever, they look *vaguely* similar. Regardless, we start the fight. The druid picks up some Elemental Monoliths (Yay swift concentration!), the Cleric sicks his angel friend on it, and the three casters start lobbing spells galore at it. I stand in front of the beast, attacking it with my Bastard Sword for 1d10+18 damage a blow....

    So, Big T does what Big T does, he kills the angel, shreds a monolith, kills me twice (Yay contingent resurrection!) and finally we bring it down. The cleric lobs out a miracle, and the mighty foe, the legendary Tarrasque, perishes.

    We start rejoicing (this being the only time we'd ever fought big T). And the DM asks for a reflex save from Mike. Mike makes the save, and avoids a huge head falling on him. Mike stands up, shakes off the slime and looks at the head, and recognizes his T-Rex. That's when we look up into the sky, and find ourselves looking at a Great Wyrm Black Dragon.

    What followed was the most desperate fight I've ever participated in. It lasted an hour, and every moment, we were a tenth of a second from death.

    Highlights of the Epic Battle Include:
    -The Dragon AMFing and slaying the warmage in a single full attack.
    -The Cleric miracle-ing for infinite turn attempts today, and going Nova with DMM(Twin), and DMM(Quicken), you haven't lived until you've seen a cleric floating in mid air with angel wings cast two twinned gates in a round for 2 Planetars each.
    -Me rolling a 1 on a Reflex save, and taking almost max acid breath damage (Yay proc-energy!), and my sword, shield, and armor turning to goop.
    -The druid wildshaping and turning into a dragon so he could dragon-a-dragon with the beast. Only, once he got close, the dragon cast AMF again, and ate the druid when he turned back into a human.
    -Me, armed with my Squire's sword and shield, charging straight at the beast while the cleric needed time to get his buffs back up, post-disjunction. I was devoured in three turns, but the cleric, now alone, was able to hit the dragon with enough force finally, to end it, once and for all

  22. - Top - End - #142
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roguenewb View Post
    That's when we look up into the sky, and find ourselves looking at a Great Wyrm Black Dragon.
    *snicker* I think I might pay good money just to see the looks on your faces - player and DM - when that happened.

  23. - Top - End - #143
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Flame of Anor's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roguenewb View Post
    The cast and crew:

    Mike, as the mighty Druid 20, with his T-Rex animal companion
    Sam, as the crazed Warmage 20
    Joe, as the mighty Cleric 15/Thaumaturgist 5
    Me, the Knight 20, with my human fighter 4 squire

    Besides the hilarious jokes about my much, much lower power level, here's my story:

    ...
    I would call that a super-awesome D&D story.
    R.I.P.

    Quote Originally Posted by WampaX View Post
    It ain't not over 'til the Rich Baker bellows.
    avatar by me. Extended sig here.

  24. - Top - End - #144
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    A one-shot adventure at a camp. All level one characters.

    We are tasked with bringing a magically sealed box up a volcano and shoving it in. A group of archers stops us on the way up. The dialogue goes something like this.

    DM: what are you doing?
    Us: we're bring this box up the volcano. we're not supposed to look in it.
    DM: who sent you?
    Us: uh.... (fake kingdom name)
    DM: Okay. Um, what's their major export.
    Us: ...Wheat. And ornate yet mass produced boxes
    DM: You can't grow wheat there.
    Us: well, they import it first. then export it
    DM: *attacks*

    Later, we're stopped further up the volcano.
    DM: You know, (king who sent us) really doesn't want his daughter to take the throne.
    Us: *the bard rolls VERY poorly on his sense motive* We must get her out! *some one else pokes holes in the box*
    DM: Wait, seriously? You actually bought that? *Tarrasque breaks out of box*


    78% of all DM's start their first campaign in a tavern. If you're among the 22% who didn't, copy and paste this into your signature and tell us where you DID begin.

    The party wakes up underground, in a massive library, with no clue where they are or how they got there.

  25. - Top - End - #145
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Roguenewb's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Flame of Anor View Post
    I would call that a super-awesome D&D story.
    Thanks. Knights rock, badly.

  26. - Top - End - #146
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Same group as this story, but another character had joined the group (a LN Human cleric of Pharasma), and they were already level 3.

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    They defeat a bandit ambush on a forest road. Right after that, the cleric channels energy to heal, inadvertently healing one of the bandits (who attempts to flee and is killed) and stabilizes another. So they check and find the stable, unconscious bandit and decide to tie him and turn him to the law. Of course, they loot the bandits (mostly weapons, shortswords, spears, bows and arrows) and keep the horse-pulled carriage they had. So they throw the loot and the unconscious guy at the back of the carriage.

    The horses are a bit nervous after the combat and the magic blasting around them and the druid happens to be gone for a few minutes to check something she saw, and the rogue decides it's not worthy to wait. he hops on to the carriage, tries to calm the horses (with not many ranks in that) and fails dismally. The horses panic and start running, and he keeps failing checks which end up on him falling, and the carriage falling over to its side.

    After that, the druid gets to the scene, easily calms the horses. The rogue got a few scratchs from the fall, but when they check the carriage they discovered that the guy already in negatives, after the crash with the ground, and having fallen over and below a lot of loot with pointy bits and sharp edges is very, very dead.

    The cleric suddenly remember his deity's care for funerary rituals (never mind the 5 other bandit corpses left behind not far), and decides he'd rather bury him properly. But it's getting dark and they are in a bit of a hurry (trying to get to some other city 1 day ahead to warn some important NPC about a murder attempt on his life). Anyway they and their horses need to get some rest so they keep going (carrying the bandit body in another carriage they had) to the nearest town and book a room in the local inn, deciding to leave early in the morning.

    To "avoid wasting time" the cleric asks some directions, then goes outside the inn (this is almost midnight), grabs the body over his shoulders, and walks merrily through the town (everyone sleeping) and knocks at the undertaker's. The undertaker wakes up, and opens the (chain&bolted) door a bit, to find this unknown friendly stranger in the middle of the nigfht, carrying a corpse with many many weapon wounds which happens to be a lumberjack from the town he recognizes. The cleric asks him "Hi, I'd like to bury this guy; I know it's late but we're in a bit of a hurry and will pay you handsomely". After the undertaker (and me as GM) gets out of the shock and asks some questions back trying to figure out what's going on, he makes a good Diplomacy check, helped by the fact that he shows his holy symbol and undertakers are usually in good terms with Pharasma (being the goddess of the life-and-death cycle and all that). So they had this hilarious conversation... "oh, yes, we killed him. But it was in self-defense" (and more shock form the undertaker), which ended up in the undertaker politely suggesting to take this issue to the sheriff was the right thing to do and the cleric preemptively (and without offerince resistance) spending the night on a cell.

  27. - Top - End - #147
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Lentrax's Avatar

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    I was playing a campaign while I was stationed in Germany, and while it was fantastic, I never got to finish the campaign, and the other players wanted to keep going, so my character said his farewells by leaving the following note (Edited to PG version).

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    Dear Backstabbing 'Leader,'

    I have had it with the way you keep getting us into 'adventures' that usually lead to being afraid for my life, and the well being of my familiar. I am also upset over the fact that you have repeatedly spurned my advances, no matter how much elixir I put in your food. But worst of all, I hate how you have decided to split the earnings from our adventures in what you consider 'equal shares.'

    Therefore, I have decided to do what I deem fair, and take recompense from our group to a sum I consider acceptable for the talents you have wasted thus far on zombies a few orcs and one goblin who I had taken a liking to.

    Good luck tracking me down if you wish to find me. I have taken precautions to ensure I will not be found quickly or easily.

    Signed with all due hatred,

    The Wizard.


    My recompense? Everything not nailed down or otherwise attached to people. I loaded everything onto a Tenser's Floating Disk and made off with a lot of things, including all the torches, all the food, everyones money, more than a few weapons, and the padding for the party leaders full plate armor.

    I also took everyones left boot for good measure.

    The players told me they had a lot of fun chasing down the Left-Boot Bandit.
    Due to Unforeseen Circumstances, I am on an erratic schedule.

    I will resume posting within a couple of days and will be trying to get some things moving again.

  28. - Top - End - #148
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    we were starting a campaign from scratch: 6 level one characters, 2 clerics, a rogue, a ranger, a monk, and me, a chaotic neutral halfling druid. a high dexterity, and buffed out (especially for lvl 1) hide and move silently checks. for our first quest we had to kill a rather weak lvl 3 wizard, which we did, and then dragged his body out as the cavern was collapsing. we decided to stay the night in the graveyard nearby, and my character, not liking graveyards, decided to take the first watch for the night. as soon as everyone fell asleep. I ran over to the dead wizard, cut off his head with a dagger, and ran back to where we were given the quest (and offered 200 gold each. for a total of 1200.) so I took the head to prove that I had indeed kill the wizard, and lied to the quest giver (also a queen) saying that my entire party had died.

    needless to say. my party wasn't happy with me. except for the rogue. who simply requested that I include him next time. they especially weren't happy with me when they went to speak with the queen, and she freaked out because they were supposed be dead (compounded with the fact that the wizard we killed was a necromancer... she connected the wrong dots there...)

    the punchline: my halfling druid prefers to use his sling, wears only cheap leather armor, and hates society too much to actually use the gold. so he hid it all instead of spending it

  29. - Top - End - #149
    Ettin in the Playground
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    I played a VoP Druid. I was handed a boatload of gold and I had no idea what to do with it.

    So I bought a massive expanse of wilderness. I hired a bunch of Druids to manage it, and put some Rangers on the payroll to help the Druids keep an eye on the place.
    Eventually, after a few more rewards came in, I helped the Druids build a temple (out of trees) along with expanding the wildlife preserve.

    So the DM asks what god/dess the temple would be dedicated to. I told him it would be dedicated to nature itself.
    The DM face-palmed when he realized the joke.
    I had created a...
    *sunglasses*
    ...Non-Prophet organization.
    Last edited by Karoht; 2012-08-22 at 05:30 PM.
    ~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
    Quote Originally Posted by gooddragon1 View Post
    If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
    "In soviet dungeon, aboleth farms you!"

  30. - Top - End - #150
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Karoht View Post
    ...*snip*
    The DM face-palmed when he realized the joke.
    I had created a...
    *sunglasses*
    ...Non-Prophet organization.
    YYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

    [I laughed so hard, congratulations on the pun. How long did it take from conception to payoff?]
    Dwarven Prayer:
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    Our Lager, Which art in barrels,
    Hallowed be thy drink.
    Thy will be drunk
    I will be drunk,
    At home as in the tavern.
    Give us this day our foamy head,
    And forgive us our spillages
    As we forgive those that spill against us.
    And lead us not into incarceration,
    But deliver us from hang-overs.
    For thine is the beer,
    The bitter and the lager.
    Forever and ever,
    Barmen!

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