A Thorn In The Hand IC

[Marlowe]

"That you're a perverse scamp who requires discipline? And he'd be right"

[Arranis Thelmos]

Daranad laughs loudly, Now THAT would be a song worth writing about! as he returns with some tools. I can see it now, The Trickster's New Dress, it would weave a new style of humor across the land!

[Malak'ai]

Looking the greying haired little Cleric up and down, his eye brow raised, Enderic closes his eyes and shakes his head.
"I do not wish to know about your... interests good father, but if it is woman's clothing you are looking for, then you'll find it on the racks over there." he points to the front of the wagon where the yolk and traces have been removed.

Halabur:

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The crazed looking Gnome steps out from behind the small counter and starts digging through the boxes by the entrance, "I know it's in here somewhere... AH!" he says as he stands back up, holding a long, slender white candle, "The Truth Candle. Yours for only 2500 gold. And if you are really wishing for used items, I could see what I've picked up in my journeys." finishes with a wink.

[Marlowe]

Verossa gives Raif an appraising look and wanders over to the indicated racks. "What do you think, Der Dame, Gentleman? Would he best suit sky-blue, or pink? Garter-belt or no garter belt? And heres a wig with odango! It's going to be perfect. No-body looking at him would ever believe he's a competant adventurer. Although they might still guess he has a career in the church." She has the bright, cheery, honest smile of the deadly serious.

[Arranis Thelmos]

Halabur silently curses to himself, he didn't think that the party had enough gold to cover the costs of the candle. Why yes, I'd love to see what you've found in your travels.

[Wordplay]

Clearsight stalks over to Verossa.

'So this is womens' clothing? What's the difference?' he has a slightly perturbed expression on his face.

'Never really saw much in the way of clothing, growing up. I must say, it seems strange to have a special kind of clothing to denote gender. Just as it seems strange to denote station, or rank. For example, how there are certain styles and cloths that Dame Elenora could wear, but if you were to try them, my dear, it would be a crime. Sumptuary laws. Same reason I wore nothing but burlap until I was grown'.

Raif Clearsight smiles.

'When I realised that the first time, I burst out laughing. One of the advantages of being a man of the cloth, as it were, that no-one cares too much what you wear'.

Raif picks up a wimple and tries it on.

'Well I suppose it keeps the ears nice and warm. Softer than burlap, anyhow'.

'If you wanted me to buy you something pretty, though, Verossa, you only needed to ask. There's no need to wrap it up in deception'.

Raif turns back to the man, still wearing the wimple.

'Now man, I believe you were about to tell me about Elven weaved rope, and its properties. More importantly, what do you want in exchange for those books that you mentioned?'

[Marlowe]

Verossa laughs. "I wear what I own, sir, and I own what I wear. And nothing else. But you are avoiding the question, sir. We promised to discipline you, for insulting an--admittedly pompous and ineffectual--lord of the alliance and so slightly increasing our chances, and that of all we hold dear, of getting eaten, raped and killed by demons. And then having worse things happen. And I keep my promises. So you can dress up, so everyone that sees you knows what a liar you are, or--" she draws her backup warhammer. It's a real military hammer rather than a glorified mallet, and rather resembles an icepick more than anything else. "We can conduct a empirical and thorough survey as to how much this hurts when inserted into your various orifices."

Her smile hasn't slipped, but it's looking a little fixed."Your foolishness almost ruined everything. And we are not playing games here. We are fighting for the lives and dignity of anything on this continent. You think I'm joking? I am not. You dress like a woman until you have proved you are not."

[Wordplay]

Raif Clearsight is still wearing the wimple, and he speaks in a slightly hushed tone to Verossa.

'Everyone already knows what a liar I am. I tell them when I introduce myself. Remember how I introduced myself to you?'

'I don't mind wearing any particular clothes. As I said, it's a novelty to have them. Equally I don't much mind the war hammer either. It's not as though I'm a stranger to pain, nor is it as though it can really do me any long-lasting damage. Though I should point out, it will leave me rather drained of lies for the flesh'.

Clearsight's playing with the ladies clothes, draping them over himself, though it's apparent that he doesn't really know what each thing is. He's wearing hose as a scarf, and is holding a dress back to front.

'But why do you see your own gender as a punishment, m'Lady Carmine? You describe a woman as something less than a man, and regard the wearing of female clothing as a punishment. Why do you hate women so? Or is the answer the honest lie you told when introducing yourself? Names are curious truths, are they not? Mine, like yours, is something of a description'.

Clearsight turns back to the merchant.

'We'll also take six fine dresses, if you please. I've no taste when it comes to such things, so M'Lady Carmine will have to pick them out. Oh, and I'll take this wimple to go. How much does the bill come to so far? That's for 5 lengths of 50ft silk rope, 10 pints of oil, 6 towels, 5 winter blankets, the clothing (6 sets), the woodworking tools, 1 50ft length of elven rope, and the books I required'.

Raif looks about I don't think I forgot anything, did I? Oh and do you happen to have somewhere m'Lady Carmine and I can go privately? I think she wants to discipline me, and I'll need her help changing'.

[Malak'ai]

"Well, as to how you and your companion wish to treat each other, that is up to you. But you can use the wagon if you wish a changing room. Elven rope is finer and stronger than silken and people who've used it tell me that it almost ties itself! Unfortunately, it only comes in short coils. I have four lengths of it which you could splice together though.
The books," he leans over and whispers, "And you didn't get them from me mind you," he goes back to his normal tone, "Will be 10 gold each. In total it'll be 97 gold, 2 silver. Add another 200 gold if you do want the Elven rope." Enderic tells you.

[Marlowe]

Verossa snorts. "I do not see my gender as a punishment, but since everyone present seems to see it as a weakness--well, I'm an obliging person. And I wanted to see if you were a spring." she returns the hammer to her belt.

"Once we have what's required, we're out of here in ten minutes, before this Saltist farrago causes more more idiotic delays. We can afford to take our time getting to the insertion point, since our timetable is based on the speed of Dwarves, but once through the Convenanter lines, we move like greased snakes. Can I get a "Sounds good"?"

"Also, I've worn mail since I was twelve, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't go there."

[Wordplay]

'We'll just take one length of the elven rope then. I take it that that comes to 143 gold pieces and 2 silver pieces. Here's the sum'.

Raif Clearsight hands over the money.

'And here's for your trouble'

Raif hands over an extra 20 gp, and leans in.

'Likewise, if anyone asks, I didn't buy any books from you'.

Raif reads the titles on the books, and leafs through each to examine their contents.

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Int check (1d20+2)[11]

Raif removes his armour from his backpack to make room, then puts the books in his backpack, and divides up the rest of the items.

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Everyone add two pints of oil, except Elenora.
Everyone except Verossa add a 50ft length of silk rope and a winter blanket.
Everyone can add a towel.
I suggest that we bung the tools in the bag of holding. As for the women's clothing, either split it up, or bag of holding. It'll come to 30lbs altogether, and that's quite a bit to carry.

Raif looks back at Verossa.

'I agree. We should leave as soon as Halabur is finished. If you don't mind, I think that I'll change into my armour now. Safer for the road. I could use a hand. I can keep the wimple on if you insist'.

Clearsight's eyes seem deep and sad for a moment.

'Women aren't weak. Peasants aren't stupid. Slaves listen to everything'.

Then Raif goes into the cart and changes into his full-plate

[Marlowe]

"Fullplate. Excellent. Nice and form-fitting. We'll go with this ensemble. And why not, we'll get the hat as well. And the wig. Not the one with ojango, I'm not actually evil."

[Machuchang]

Eleanora stood in stunned silence at the exchange between Raif and Verossa, unable to believe what was actually occurring in front of her. Only when the cleric began to change did she regain her voice.

"Is this really necessary?!" Eleanora snapped. "We could be moving out, establishing our position, and gaining intelligence all that much quicker if we were not wasting time squabbling amongst ourselves! Verossa!" She turned to the hexblade. "Simply because we are working alongside the dwarves does not mean that we can be frivolous with our time! This punishment is unnecessary, unusual, and executed with malicious intent! We are a team, and attempts to embarass and belittle one another will only weaken the fabric of our unit! And you!" She growled at the cleric. "Stop treating everything around you like some kind of joke! I demand that these affronts against honor end immediately!"

She stood silent for a while, fuming, before taking a deep breath.

"...I apologize," She said quietly. "I just do not want to waste any time knowing innocent lives are on the line."

[Wordplay]

Raif smiles sadly.

'Thank you m'Lady. I agree, as we've no further business here, we should be off as soon as Halabur returns. In the meantime, perhaps you could help me put on my armour, m'Lady?'

Poor Elenora, realisation is dawning, but she hasn't got the joke yet. At least she'll have me to help her when she does. A pity, were she Lord of Saltmist she would be saved by now.

As soon as he's clambered into his armour (either with help or without) Raif stows his equipment, and mounts Filofax, ready to move off.

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Dreaded Untrained Ride Check (1d20)[6]

Raif manfully hauls himself onto Filofax's saddle, then slips slowly back off.

[Marlowe]

Verossa gave Eleanora an odd look. Almost sad. "Ser Dame, I promised Lord Saltmist we'd discipline him ourselves. I keep my promises. And getting him to practice his skills at deception is better than our original plan to beat him within a micron of his life."

Her hands full of green fabric, she walks up to Raif with a smile. "Come on then, miscreant. This should fit over your armour--the woman it was made for must have been some sort of military construct or something--, but it needs to go over your head. Hands up please, but don't make a habit of it. Oh, and the wimple suits you."

[D_Man_7733]

After watching this display Drayner has been holding his breath and laughter in as everything happened, his face was almost red before he breathed out and chuckled.

"Verossa, if you had told me how you intended to punish him I would have suggested a quick session with a proffesional disguise kit, rather than make him seem insane, imagine his embarrasment when a man comes along and actually takes him for a woman..."

Drayner taps his badroll rolled up behind him signifying the case it is rolled up around, and fastens his share of objects to his belt before mounting his horse.

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IT'S JUST A WORD PEOPLE!

untrained ride because I secretly want to roll a 1 for it: (1d20+3)[22]
AND I GET A 19!

obects adding to character sheet now.

[Marlowe]

Verossa finishes pulling the volumnious skirts down over the Cleric. "Excellent. Now it looks like you actually have shoulders. And Drayner, your suggestion has merit, but lets save consumables for when we need them. Enderic, good sir, how much for the outfit and the tools? I believe our fabulous friend is holding the purse, as is fitting."

And then she mounts Fighter. And that sentence looks so wrong. But she does it anyway. As though she's done it before. "Now, In all respect Good Ser Dame, remember that we are not all skilled horsepeople. There is nothing to be gained in galloping away hell-for-leather, risking accident and misfortune to ourselves and to our beasts, only to find ourselves waiting on the dwarves. We make our way carefully and get to know the ways of our mounts, that when we must ride fast we can ride fast as we need."

[Malak'ai]

Enderic looks a little confused, "Cost of the dress and tools? They have already been paid for by the good Father... err... Mother?"

Halabur:

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As the crazy gnome shows you through a chest of strange looking items you do notice a few rings, a couple of broaches, a cloak and what looks to be a mummified hand.

[Marlowe]

"Man of the Cloth" supplies Verossa. Helpfully. "Well, let's ride, Lady and ...other people. The way is south and paved with bones."

[Wordplay]

'I already paid for that'. Clearsight replies.

'I really don't mind wearing this, if it amuses you, but in all seriousness, I won't be able to ride in it. I'm barely able to ride at all. I'm also quite likely to trip over it if we have to fight'.

Clearsight thinks for a moment

'Disguise kit? That's it! Drayner, you're a genius! Thank you Verossa, this is brilliant. Out of my way, I must go and seduce Lord Saltmist! It may be the only way to save him! It may be hard on me, but I'll make up for before, you'll see!'

'On second thoughts...wait, no. The mission's more important for now.'

Raif mounts his trusty steed: he can't ride side saddle, so he pulls the skirts up to his knees, and sits slightly awkwardly - clearly a man in rather obvious drag.

'Onward Filofax!'

[Marlowe]

Verossa laughs, "You slit the skirts up the middle, if you don't mind the other girls casting aspersions on your virtue behind their hands. But we'll be going that anyway. And agreed; Fighter! Do something!"

[Arranis Thelmos]

Halabur nods as he sees the items and tries to determine what they are.

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Knowledge (Arcana): (1d20+10)[21]

[Malak'ai]

Halabur:

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When you study them closely, you descover the rings are a Ring of Sustenance, a Ring of Protection and a Ring of Counterspells.
The broaches are a Broach of Shielding and an Amulet of Health (though it's chain is missing).
The finely weaved grey/blue cloak looks a little worn but you see it is still a Cloak of Elvenkind and should still work perfectly fine.
Though you have heard rumours of mummified limbs being used as focuses for spells or having powers imbued into them, you cannot discern the nature of this one.

[Arranis Thelmos]

"These look like pretty toys, probably used to charm the ladies. " Halabur says with a laugh, pretending he hadn't guessed their magical properties. As he inspects the Amulet of Health he asks, "What is that hand, by the way? I've never seen anything like it."

[Malak'ai]

Halabur:

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Ghanali grins and lets out what sounds like a cracked cackle and says "Well that me young fellow is a a wonderful little piece I... acquired off a group of people a few years back. Apparently they got it of this deranged Wizard who killed two of their number by pointing to them while holding the hand. Apart from that, I haven't delved into it too much, makes me feel like I need a long soak in the lake after even touching it."

[Arranis Thelmos]

Halabur nods slowly, "Hm. How much would you charge for that?"

[Marlowe]

"The Gnome likes his shinies" murmured Verossa in a low voice, stroking Fighter's mane absently. "So is he buying personal items on company cash...or did he simply hold out on us?" She stood up in her stirrips. "Hoy! Good Enderic! We'll have a pot of mustard as well! And Underpants Gnome, it's time to go! Let's see you ride your sparkly little mount until she's blue in the face!"

[Arranis Thelmos]

Halabur hears Verossa calling out to him and realizes he is taking too much time. Curse this merchant, he thinks to himself. He's certainly not making things any easier. What if I...

I'm afraid my dear lady calls me, and she is not happy, Halabur whispers hastily. I'll take the three pretty rings to placate her, the Amulet of Health and the cloak. As well as the silversheen. How much will that total? I beg you, take pity on me and help me with the total amount. I fear my lady will flay me if it not cheap.

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Diplomacy: (1d20+10)[26]
Knowledge(Arcana): (1d20+10)[27] to see if the merchant can withstand my hypnotic pattern (DC 19), should it become necessary to put him down and take the items.

[Malak'ai]

Halabur:

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The Gnome merchant laughs again, "I think this little bauble is out of your price range young fellow. Seeing as you could not afford the Candle. Come back when you've earnt some gold and we can talk."

[Marlowe]

"And the mustard's on the Gnome!....or it will be." Verossa laughs.