Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire, Mk. XLVI: A Tark of the Klones, Electric Boogaloo

[MReav]

Also, maybe tomorrow the King could punch a baby, because I'm not thinking he's evil enough.

The sad thing is that we can't even say he could have been raped someone, given that several characters who we're meant to be sympathetic with have already done so.

[random11]

What about the "heart of magic" thing?

If it is like astrology as claimed before, going to war will stop the orcs from gaining power, but will not stop the decline of Callan.
And if he does manage to take control of the heart, the orcs will not get any of the power with or without the war.

[Trazoi]

Wait a minute - if all that is going to happen is the land of Maltak is going to become magically dominant, why didn't Dave simply evict or massacre all the orcs and annex the country for Callanians? Salting the earth of the place that is going to become the next magical nirvarna is totally stupid.

[Oracle_Hunter]

Wait a minute - if all that is going to happen is the land of Maltak is going to become magically dominant, why didn't Dave simply evict or massacre all the orcs and annex the country for Callanians? Salting the earth of the place that is going to become the next magical nirvarna is totally stupid.

Because the Orcs could still pray to the land for magic and if there's one thing DJ Callan can't stand it's land-worship

Also: I think DJ did try to massacre the Orcs but he kind of sucked at it. Still doesn't explain why he willingly allied himself with Infernomancers or why the Luanian Church was happy to cover it up after the fact.

[Mr. McGician]

What about the "heart of magic" thing?

If it is like astrology as claimed before, going to war will stop the orcs from gaining power, but will not stop the decline of Callan.
And if he does manage to take control of the heart, the orcs will not get any of the power with or without the war.

I was just going to say exactly this. How does destroying the land change a comet's course through space?

[Welf]

Hah! I knew it.

I like how he was wearing a T-shirt when he was elected king by acclamation. No need to get formal.

[Zaq]

The part that surprises me is that this is happening on a Tuesday. That's so not Mookie's style. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

Now, just for a minute, I want to talk about yesterday's strip. Just one panel, specifically. Panel 6. The one with DJ and Warlord Moustache. What exactly is happening in that panel? Look at it for a minute. What's that black thing in the middle? Is that Warlord Moustache's arm around DJ's shoulder? Doesn't look like it, but I don't know what it is. Where is DJ's hand? It looks like he's copping a feel under WM's armor. Seriously, what the hell is going on in that panel?

[Ninjadeadbeard]

The sad thing is that we can't even say he could have been raped someone, given that several characters who we're meant to be sympathetic with have already done so.

DJ will turn out to be one of Luna's ex-boyfriends/sisters. She didn't recognize him/her with the beard.

Boom. Instant evil. Just add Mookie.

[Shogo]

Yeah. Seems kind of weird to just rush in, kill a bunch of orcs, and poison the earth when he could have just straight up conquered and annexed Maltak. Because for whatever reason, the rest of the world was A-OK with Callan wrecking Maltak the first time, but was totally going to band together and punish Callan if they ever did it again.

Though didn't Dom and crew play right into DJ's hands? Sure, they did whatever they did to restore Maltak . . . But ALL the orcs had their magic taken away. Unless, of course, you know . . . The horrible horrible horrible thing I think might happen ends up happening.

During the final fight against DJ and Snuggly, just when it looks like the "villains" are going to win, the Heart moves into whatever position it needs to be in to boost Maltak. At this point, Luna will desperately beg for salvation and the Akta or Nakta or whatever will answer.

That's right. Orc Jesus Luna 2: The Return

[T-O-E]

Did one of you guys write this? This is exactly what everyone here predicted only dumber.

Panels 1 and 2: Somehow I don't think that's how most democracies developed? And why was "elected" in scare quotes anyway, since the comic doesn't mention him rigging votes or mindcontrolling everyone?

That would have been true if the other magi rejected him because he lacked power.
However, the other magi never doubted he is powerful, they just questioned his motives and feared that he will misuse magic.

So that part is explained, and also covered a plot hole we had several weeks ago when we discovered he had to manipulate them to become an arch-magi.

That is a good point but itmade me think of another of Mookie's failures.

What exactly do the Archmages do? Are they a scholarly organisation who discuss the philosophical use of magic? Because if it's supposed to be a save-the-world type job, why didn't Miranda call them to help with the Storm of Souls? They can't have been too busy because Archmage sounds more like a title than a vocation, with Dave serving as both king and archmage, although admittedly mind control. Mookie could have prevented this by offhandedly mentioning some kind of cataclysmic problem they solved, because it seems like all they do is sit on their asses or their ass equivalent.

Trazoi: I am interested in this "arch demon king of Taoism" and would like to know more.

"Heart 2 inherits the power of indigenous magic" is very fitting.

Also, maybe tomorrow the King could punch a baby, because I'm not thinking he's evil enough.

Already done. The Orc War resulted in the curse that led to babies being strangled by their parents.

I bet it'll be revealed that he even manipulated Outrage Chief concerning the specifics of that very odd curse because evil people hate babies.

Also: I think DJ did try to massacre the Orcs but he kind of sucked at it. Still doesn't explain why he willingly allied himself with Infernomancers or why the Luanian Church was happy to cover it up after the fact.

That's probably why he made a deal with the Demon of Taoism, so he could get the infernomancers.

Couldn't the King learn how to be a chandak and then get to use that power, or is that class only available to the Horde?

[Rhapsh]

Couldn't the King learn how to be a chandak and then get to use that power, or is that class only available to the Horde?

No, no. Shamans are available to the Alliance you just need to....o god, the dwarves.

No balls will be safe.

[Johnny Blade]

Wait a minute - if all that is going to happen is the land of Maltak is going to become magically dominant, why didn't Dave simply evict or massacre all the orcs and annex the country for Callanians? Salting the earth of the place that is going to become the next magical nirvarna is totally stupid.

This is by far the thing I love most about this update. The Orc War kind of didn't make much sense to begin with, and the Heart's powers weren't really defined either.
But Mookie managed to make it make even less sense by making this specific instance special because, naturally, noble savages can't take power, they have to ask for it.

So now we have another case of magic just being magic, because apparently the rules for this Heart of Magic thing can just kind of change.

And killing orcs is no longer actually going to help any - not that it was a particularly smart plan to begin with - because now it's not the Blut, it's the Boden.

And all that for no reason at all besides making the orcs special. I mean, really, who had a clearly defined idea of what the Heart of Magic does before this?
Mookie could have just gone with whatever explanation he wanted, he didn't need to openly change rules only he was (possibly) aware of to bring this in line with ecomancy.

[Trazoi]

I agree, it's hilarious how Mookie is throwing in more world building with no thought about how it meshes in with what happened before except for the most obvious links into Dave and the Beast.

My favourite throwaway moment is introducing the wizard empires of the dwarves and halflings that did absolutely nothing and left no mark on the world and no-one bothered to bring up except for that one panel.

[Cavelcade]

Now, just for a minute, I want to talk about yesterday's strip. Just one panel, specifically. Panel 6. The one with DJ and Warlord Moustache. What exactly is happening in that panel?

They are merely exchanging long protein strands. If you can think of a better way to do it, I'd like to hear it!

Mookie could have prevented this by offhandedly mentioning some kind of cataclysmic problem they solved, because it seems like all they do is sit on their asses or their ass equivalent.

Wishful thinking. They have long since evolved past the need for asses.





Dear god these updates are wonderful. Keep moving, Mookie!

[elros]

The sad thing is that we can't even say he could have been raped someone, given that several characters who we're meant to be sympathetic with have already done so.

I was thinking the exact same thing! I think that will be the final legacy of DD.

I still don't understand why the audience should be sympathetic to the orcs. Mookie keeps assuming we will love his "noble savages," but he has done little to make us like them.

If this comic ends with Dominic graciously handing all power to the orcs and Stonewater as the next Grand Archwizard or something, I'll... well let's face it all I'll do is mock it and then mock his new similarly written comic.

Don't worry- Luna will be the next Archwizard, right after her eggs restore all life to the universe.

[rocketpony]

Wait
is the reason Miranda's power's getting a boost (nominally at least, because she was pretty obscene to begin with) really because she's thematically allied with Maltak, and not with Callan
is that a thing that's happening here

Bonus: what is DJ's plan at this point? At first, I thought it was something about catching the Heart of Magic (tm) so they'd have it forever. But now they're destroying Maltak, which is military adventurism that won't really do anything to stall the movement of the Heart of Magic (tm). Dave, the orcs only become the magically ascendent race if you don't capture the Heart, which was your plan the whole time, you goofball.

I'm aware that yesterday I was calling for DJ to architect the war with Maltak, but I was stupid then, I guess. I don't understand the purpose of the war, from DJ's perspective.

[Friv]

Bonus: what is DJ's plan at this point? At first, I thought it was something about catching the Heart of Magic (tm) so they'd have it forever. But now they're destroying Maltak, which is military adventurism that won't really do anything to stall the movement of the Heart of Magic (tm). Dave, the orcs only become the magically ascendent race if you don't capture the Heart, which was your plan the whole time, you goofball.

I'm aware that yesterday I was calling for DJ to architect the war with Maltak, but I was stupid then, I guess. I don't understand the purpose of the war, from DJ's perspective.

I think he didn't have time to put it together yet maybe? I mean, that was something like twenty or thirty years ago, and he still hasn't captured the Heart of Maltak Magic. So presumably he was trying to buy himself extra time?

Also, I'm vaguely hoping that Miranda was getting stronger because Dave idiotically set the Heart of Magic to move to Archmageville, improving the power of every human archmage.

[SaintRidley]

Ugh. Yes, Mookie, it makes sense to want to track the Heart of Magic and attack the people who will next benefit from it. It does not, however, make sense for that attack to just be a wrecking of the place. It has to be a war of conquest.

Really, the only way the history of Dominion could make sense now that we've got the Heart of Magic in it is for the first group to discover and benefit from the HoM, who seek to harness its power (the people of Eldariat, or if the humans are the very first beings to ever have ambition) to become nomadic conquerors, plotting the course of the HoM and destroying the inhabitants of the next place to receive its power. And every time the HoM moves along its orbit so that a new place is set to benefit, go over and kill its people and live there.

That would make sense. That would be a world with history. That should be part of the story we're reading. Mookie, your writing makes no sense.

[Mr. McGician]

And why was "elected" in scare quotes anyway, since the comic doesn't mention him rigging votes or mindcontrolling everyone?

Him rigging the votes is probably going to be retconned in later when Mookie realizes this is something that potentially makes DJ look good.

And it's going to be hilarious if it does happen because he already established that everyone loves him and would vote for him anyway.

Wait
is the reason Miranda's power's getting a boost (nominally at least, because she was pretty obscene to begin with) really because she's thematically allied with Maltak, and not with Callan
is that a thing that's happening here

That reminds me, wasn't there something about Miranda's true power level being blocked or something? Did this happen in a flashback when Callan was just becoming magically dominant? Or was something else blocking it?

[Nerd-o-rama]

Ugh. Yes, Mookie, it makes sense to want to track the Heart of Magic and attack the people who will next benefit from it. It does not, however, make sense for that attack to just be a wrecking of the place. It has to be a war of conquest.

Now hang on, this might have been an attempt at a war of conquest that went bad. Infernomancing the **** out of the place might have been Plan B, which is when DJ switched his main plan to...wait, ****, what's he trying to do right now again? Halt the course of the Heart so it stays corresponding to Callan?

[Mewtarthio]

Unsurprisingly, "I love Dominique" writes a better revolutionary-slash-JRPG villain.

Why don't I ever get to choose the first proposal of a hereditary monarchy system abolition proposal?

[Traab]

Wait a minute - if all that is going to happen is the land of Maltak is going to become magically dominant, why didn't Dave simply evict or massacre all the orcs and annex the country for Callanians? Salting the earth of the place that is going to become the next magical nirvarna is totally stupid.

Its a totally different style of magic, it would be useless for king dj to just take over the place, because HIS style of magic would still wane, while the echomancer style of connecting with nature and whatnot would become ascendant. I wouldnt be surprised if the plan was to wipe out the orcs before they got a power boost, so he would have more time to claim the heart of magic without rivals rising up to stop him.

Just kicking the orcs out of maltak likely wouldnt work, for the same reason that king djs magic doesnt stop kicking ass just because he leaves callan. The orc chick who fell for her rapist, whats her name, melna? She still used her wind magic to play the drums at the concert, and she was well outside the boundaries of maltak. So thats why the genocide attempt happened. No orcs, means the magic will just sit there untapped until dj can figure out a way to take it all back.

Its also possible, that the infernomancers poisoning the land was a strategy to keep the heart of magic from boosting things too far. Think about it. Lets say the heart of magic boosts a lands power by five fold. Thats a pretty huge boost! But if you can destroy the land so badly that its only got about a tenth of its normal strength in it, then boosting that by 5x isnt going to be that incredible.

[Mewtarthio]

Waaaiiiit a minute... Isn't ecomancy just totally "natural" magic that isn't alterism at all? As in, not magic that you "ask for" from the land, and certainly not something that is exclusive to the orcs?

[Johnny Blade]

Waaaiiiit a minute... Isn't ecomancy just totally "natural" magic that isn't alterism at all? As in, not magic that you "ask for" from the land, and certainly not something that is exclusive to the orcs?

This can only mean that all ecomancy actually comes from Maltak, because it is the most pure and untouched and overall best place.

Also, when this is all over and the Heart of Magic orbits around somewhere in Maltak's magic underground zombie tunnels, everyone will have power metal hair and the free world will be rocking on and geeking out in peace and harmony.

[T-O-E]

It might be cheap to link another instance of Mookie changing his view of orcs but I'm going to do it anyway. Here, from the newspost. Melna mentions that her clan (not her family) are strong chandaks but the only orc wizard we see in her clan is her father. The orc clans all had different traits which completely defined them and her clan's trait was 'warrior.'

It's weird that she mentions the clan so offhandedly, considering their traditions and what they did to her. Oh well, worth it for a crappy pun!

Also half-orcs are never mentioned again and Warlord Moustache gets pissed when he sees a child being raised by orcs. This is probably nitpicky.

Wait
is the reason Miranda's power's getting a boost (nominally at least, because she was pretty obscene to begin with) really because she's thematically allied with Maltak, and not with Callan
is that a thing that's happening here

Oh God, that fits too well. This is what's happening.

[Welf]

That's right. Orc Jesus Luna 2: The Return

We may not have the next thread title, but the last one

What exactly do the Archmages do? Are they a scholarly organisation who discuss the philosophical use of magic? Because if it's supposed to be a save-the-world type job, why didn't Miranda call them to help with the Storm of Souls? They can't have been too busy because Archmage sounds more like a title than a vocation, with Dave serving as both king and archmage, although admittedly mind control. Mookie could have prevented this by offhandedly mentioning some kind of cataclysmic problem they solved, because it seems like all they do is sit on their asses or their ass equivalent.

Maybe it's more of a cartel? They horde the good stuff so new competitors don't show up.

I was thinking the exact same thing! I think that will be the final legacy of DD.

I still don't understand why the audience should be sympathetic to the orcs. Mookie keeps assuming we will love his "noble savages," but he has done little to make us like them.

You forget: The targeted audience is Mookie. It's a comic by him for him. And I'm pretty sure the audience will accept that reasoning.

Ugh. Yes, Mookie, it makes sense to want to track the Heart of Magic and attack the people who will next benefit from it. It does not, however, make sense for that attack to just be a wrecking of the place. It has to be a war of conquest.

Maybe conquest isn't an option? Maltak is a weird and insane place (a flat plane where you ambush people with wandering mountains). Maybe people there get automatically get insane when they live there too long. Maybe orcs used to be sane before their souls got too often through akta-nakte circle.

[Wraith]

So tell me again.....

.....DJ is the single most powerful, intelligent and influential Archmage of his generation, including over those of other Planes.
.....And he has an army of mind-controlled, vaguely-eldritch abomination Super Mages.
......And he has Snuggly, an actual Eldritch Abomination who intends to eat Maltak and thus gain all of it's power.

.....But he won't attack Maltak because some dancing brown people (who he has no qualms about murdering or mind-raping as soon as they become an inconvenience) and a bunch of waned, isolated Elves might try to attack him for it.

OH NO, NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT A SMALL COLLECTION OF VASTLY INFERIOR ENEMIES CHARGING HEAD ON INTO THE GAPING MAW OF MY NUMEROUS DOOMSDAY WEAPONS!!!!

Seriously..... DJ hasn't just taken Maltak, powered up himself, his Battlecasters and Snuggly yet and obliterated everyone who stands against him (which he could quite probably do as-is anyway) because.....?

[Lord Raziere]

…..his character flaw is that he is lazy? It seems that way….

Just a guess really, because of his actions….

[Welf]

Maybe he is into fair play and wants to give the heroes a chance? He probably sends warning cards before he does a crime. But since the Deegan's can't bother to spend more than a minute for research they never noticed.

[random11]

Okay, I think I can make some sense into this with a couple of patches*

DJ discovers that the magic will move from Callan to Matlak.
He wages war against the orcs, and while they are fighting and recovering, he sends snuggly to Matlak.
Snuggly eats the magic there and delivers it back to Callan, delaying the loss of magic while DJ works on the permanent solution. As a side effect, it also kills the land of Matlak.
Most people who have knowledge in magic think that the death of the land is because of demonic magic both humans and orcs used, so non of them bothers to investigate other options.


*Use of patches might cause extra plot holes, and are not guaranteed to be consistent with any existing world building fact.


EDIT:
Speaking of food for snuggly, does anyone have any guess to why a creature created in a garbage plane from a seer focus item needs to eat fear from humans?
Also, how that part fits with the "respect to humans" DJ has? orcish fear isn't tasty?