LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

[supernerd]

So, I admit I'm kind of annoyed with the whole "gay men don't get to be happy" thing in so much media. It seems like if a gay couple is going to form/stay together, they have to be lesbian. Even my webcomics seem to be getting in on it, consciously or not. Questionable Content doesn't have any major gay male characters, but Dora and Tai are on a date. El Goonish Shive is fairly queer friendly, but we've got a second lesbian couple before Justin (who was introduced well before any of the lesbian stuff) has found anyone.

That's because lesbians are hot.

The sad part is that even though I'm personally being sarcastic, that's probably a large part of why media is more okay with lesbian couples.

Yeah, that was my answer, but I also remembered a picture I saw a picture a long time ago that was two panels, one was a group of guys(college age cis-males) cheering on two lesbians as they publicly made out and the other was the same guys expressing complete disgust as two guys just sat there one annoyed and the other 40%sad and 60% annoyed as they held hands and had their inside arms around each other.

Yaoi fangirls squee yes.

Fanboy SQUEE!

[Absol197]

So, I've realized that it's the small victories that make it feel worth it to keep on going.

One of the things I've been worried about for a bit is the fact that I'm tall. I'm between 6'1" and 6'2", so not a giant, but I've done my fair share of towering in my day. Especially over my female friends and co-workers.

But, as I was leaving work today, I ended up following a woman that was almost exactly my height. I tried, likely unsuccessfully, to mimic the way she was walking, too (which probably looked really weird ont he security cameras, but meh).

So yeah. Little things that make you feel good .

--Kyra

[Ichneumon]

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

[Absol197]

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

Aww! *Hugs* It's nice to meet you!

I'm sorry I can't offer any good advice - I'm still pretty darn new to this, myself. But what I can do is wish you as much luck as I can!

Your dad doesn't seem like he'll have much of a problem with it, but what about your mom? Did you not mention her because you don't know, or because it's not as good of a story there?

--Kyra

[Lix Lorn]

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

I kinda feel that if you don't expect them to react badly, you should talk to them as soon as you can.

[Ichneumon]

Aww! *Hugs* It's nice to meet you!

I'm sorry I can't offer any good advice - I'm still pretty darn new to this, myself. But what I can do is wish you as much luck as I can!

Your dad doesn't seem like he'll have much of a problem with it, but what about your mom? Did you not mention her because you don't know, or because it's not as good of a story there?

--Kyra

I didn't mention her, because partly I don't know and partly because I think her suggestion will be less positive. She's a lot more conservative and hostile against anything thats abnormal. I'm a vegetarian for example, and although my father accepted this and even applauded me from a young age for standing for what I believe and for being myself, my mother was very intolerant and not understanding (she is now though). Although I know she has no problem with homosexuality, on multiple occasions when we were out and she noticed a transwoman on the streets, she would look disproving, point and stare and whisper to us about it. Although this was many years ago, I do fear her initial response.

I know my father can keep a secret and we've had secrets for my mother before, so i think it's best to talk to them separately.

I kinda feel that if you don't expect them to react badly, you should talk to them as soon as you can.

I know. I've been walking around with these feelings for years now. Maybe I should have told them much earlier, but I guess I was afraid and I wasn't sure enough. It took a huge while before I realised that not-accepting what I feel like inside was harder then accepting it and dealing with it.

[Asta Kask]

One of the things I've been worried about for a bit is the fact that I'm tall. I'm between 6'1" and 6'2", so not a giant, but I've done my fair share of towering in my day. Especially over my female friends and co-workers.

But, as I was leaving work today, I ended up following a woman that was almost exactly my height. I tried, likely unsuccessfully, to mimic the way she was walking, too (which probably looked really weird ont he security cameras, but meh).

--Kyra

Want me to calculate how many U.S. women are 6'1" or taller?

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

[Absol197]

I didn't mention her, because partly I don't know and partly because I think her suggestion will be less positive. She's a lot more conservative and hostile against anything thats abnormal. I'm a vegetarian for example, and although my father accepted this and even applauded me from a young age for standing for what I believe and for being myself, my mother was very intolerant and not understanding (she is now though). Although I know she has no problem with homosexuality, on multiple occasions when we were out and she noticed a transwoman on the streets, she would look disproving, point and stare and whisper to us about it. Although this was many years ago, I do fear her initial response.

I know my father can keep a secret and we've had secrets for my mother before, so i think it's best to talk to them separately.

Yeesh. That's disconcerting, to say the least. Maybe talking to your dad first is the best way to go; if he's the more level headed of the two, you can take it slow, and get the "easier" of the two out of the way first.

The other side of the coin, of course, is that the longer you wait to talk to her, the longer it will be until she accepts you for who you are.

Hmm...I really can't suggest which would be better, as I don't know you or your parents well enough to say. All I can really do is act as a sounding board for ideas on how you might want to approach it. Hopefully you can get things to work out right .

Want me to calculate how many U.S. women are 6'1" or taller?

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

I'm inclined to say yes, just because I want to see if you can, and how you'd do it.

--Kyra

EDIT: I got hit by depression really hard this afternoon. I was thinking about how much I've lost out on by spending so many years hiding and wishing. I hate being scared - scared of what other people might think, scared of what my family and friends might think, scared of myself and expressing myself...I've wasted my whole life being scared and dreaming about being someone, something else, but it's the only thing I know anymore.

And I still can't cry about it!

[SiuiS]

That's because lesbians are hot.

The sad part is that even though I'm personally being sarcastic, that's probably a large part of why media is more okay with lesbian couples.

There was a study done that I will try to find stuff for because I can't post citation, that checked physical symptoms of arousal in men. It was specifically testing homophobia versus male erotica, but one o the things they found was that all men, straight or gay, show signs of arousal when watching girl on girl pornography. It also showed a big correlation between homophobic men and arousal during male on male pornography.

This is the exact point I was making in another thread on here.

A lot of men find sapphic intercourse to be a turn on but I've always wondered whether cis-sexual (is that right?) women find two men enjoying kissy-fun-time a turn on as well.

I think this is what's wrong with folks in general. Men tend to be a lot more expressive about things that they find sexy and society tries to cater for it. Women, on the other hand, seem to be a lot more restrained about their desires, although it's something that slowly seems to be changing. It would be nice and a strong step towards equality if both genders views were equally and honestly catered for.

Another way to look at it is the classic succubus/incubus problem. When a succubus seduces a man, it's seen as being fun and very sexy. When an incubus seduces a woman, it comes across as very creepy with overtones of rape. It's curious, isn't it.

True. Oddly, isn't that what the whole slut shaming debacle is about? That girls aren't allowed to be anywhere as open about that stuff as boys?

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

I wish I did. Um... Organize? Have all your information ready just in case.

Want me to calculate how many U.S. women are 6'1" or taller?

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

Birchgrove has been gone for almost a thread I think. He sort of abandoned thread during the issues with Natalie's blog, an he hasn't quite come back since

[Astrella]

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

On Facebook yes, not in the thread though.

There was a study done that I will try to find stuff for because I can't post citation, that checked physical symptoms of arousal in men. It was specifically testing homophobia versus male erotica, but one o the things they found was that all men, straight or gay, show signs of arousal when watching girl on girl pornography. It also showed a big correlation between homophobic men and arousal during male on male pornography.

There's still a huge difference between arousal and attraction though. (Also not sure what they exactly mean with physical arousal, but a response down there can come from a lot of other things as well.)

Yesterday I asked my friend if she got my letter. She said yes, and that she needs time to think about the answer. I'm not sure if that's good or bad news. *shrug*

Hope it's good news!

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

Hmm, well, what would you feel most comfortable with? Would you like to address this face to face in a conversation with your dad? Maybe you'd rather write him a letter explaining stuff so he has some time to think it over before you have a chat about it? One general advice is to avoid delving too deeply in terminology and focusing more on how you feel and what you think about this and what you want to do with it.

[turkishproverb]

Yaoi fangirls squee yes.

Well, that was a quick answer.

[supernerd]

There's still a huge difference between arousal and attraction though. (Also not sure what they exactly mean with physical arousal, but a response down there can come from a lot of other things as well.)

Yeah, I mean my heart is nothing but rainbows, but the first time I ever wanted to kiss a guy (or really anyone) was when he showed the people at a sleepover lesbian hentai to me at four in the morning. I was definitely more into him though.

To the part in parentheses: yeah, like cuddling(only happened like twice, but yeah. It can happen)

[golentan]

Yeah, I mean my heart is nothing but rainbows, but the first time I ever wanted to kiss a guy (or really anyone) was when he showed the people at a sleepover lesbian hentai to me at four in the morning. I was definitely more into him though.

To the part in parentheses: yeah, like cuddling(only happened like twice, but yeah. It can happen)

Hmm... *pulls out notepad*

Cue... up... Lesbian... Hentai... in... case... visitor...

[noparlpf]

So, I've realized that it's the small victories that make it feel worth it to keep on going.

One of the things I've been worried about for a bit is the fact that I'm tall. I'm between 6'1" and 6'2", so not a giant, but I've done my fair share of towering in my day. Especially over my female friends and co-workers.

But, as I was leaving work today, I ended up following a woman that was almost exactly my height. I tried, likely unsuccessfully, to mimic the way she was walking, too (which probably looked really weird ont he security cameras, but meh).

So yeah. Little things that make you feel good .

--Kyra

That sounds nice. And don't worry too much. Yeah, 6'1 is pretty tall, but I've known women that tall. I used to know a family of giants. The shortest was 6'2 or 6'3 and his mother and sister were both taller.

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

I'd say just go for it. Talk to your dad first and then work out what to tell your mum.

There was a study done that I will try to find stuff for because I can't post citation, that checked physical symptoms of arousal in men. It was specifically testing homophobia versus male erotica, but one o the things they found was that all men, straight or gay, show signs of arousal when watching girl on girl pornography. It also showed a big correlation between homophobic men and arousal during male on male pornography.

Interesting. See if you could find it again?

[Heliomance]

Ugh >_< I hate these in-between phases where I don't feel like a girl but really want to. Not fun.

[Faulty]

Maybe because I don't expect hormones or bottom surgery, but I've found that I feel like a girl when I want to. If that makes sense.

[golentan]

Okay so why do I have to be stuck with the personality I have? I'm bisexual, and quite interested in sex, but have a mini panic attack and can't do anything about it when someone else is in the room with me. I'm a hardcore pacifist, but my emotional response to suffering pain and violence can best be summed up as "manic relieved laughter catharsis."

[Arachu]

*Hugs Lixie and Absol*

Spoiler

Show

I haven't had any moments like that, but I couldn't help but notice that a certain enemy in Mass Effect 3 looks moderately pregnant... And used to be shunned, repressed and hidden by their society... Right after I first started wondering whether I might actually want to have kids someday but before I could quite handle the answer... >.>

Another way to look at it is the classic succubus/incubus problem. When a succubus seduces a man, it's seen as being fun and very sexy. When an incubus seduces a woman, it comes across as very creepy with overtones of rape. It's curious, isn't it.

*Would have some links if she didn't go way overboard in the rough draft* :B

Well, classically Succubi were out for men's souls and Incubi were more about impregnating young women and/or giving them nightmares (they varied a lot more for some reason). The former pretty much taught that women are heartless monsters who will take everything you have if you make one bad decision and the latter... Er, I think the latter might have been used to defend people from incest accusations. >.>

These days it seems to be more quirky/hot vs. creepy, but it still varies (especially when the demons' true forms are horrific, but that's sorta rare). Someone had them being the same beings just shape-shifting back and forth to gather and mutate semen for a while, but I don't know when or where that version was popular. Also, Succubi kill more often than not while Incubi tend to use people for some evil reason or another.

... So, nice... Cyberweather we're having~

--Kyra

EDIT: I got hit by depression really hard this afternoon. I was thinking about how much I've lost out on by spending so many years hiding and wishing. I hate being scared - scared of what other people might think, scared of what my family and friends might think, scared of myself and expressing myself...I've wasted my whole life being scared and dreaming about being someone, something else, but it's the only thing I know anymore.

And I still can't cry about it!

*So many hugs!* :<

Okay so why do I have to be stuck with the personality I have? I'm bisexual, and quite interested in sex, but have a mini panic attack and can't do anything about it when someone else is in the room with me. I'm a hardcore pacifist, but my emotional response to suffering pain and violence can best be summed up as "manic relieved laughter catharsis."

*Hugs*

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

Welcome back~ I hope it goes well.

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

He's on Facebook all the time, but I haven't seen him here in a while...


~Bianca

[supernerd]

^^ Poor golly. Though I will say that at least you don't respond with violence. I'm insane like that too, kinda, except only when I'm completely alone with someone and I kinda freeze up if I'm into them in any way. Well, when I think somethingight happen.

Hmm... *pulls out notepad*

Cue... up... Lesbian... Hentai... in... case... visitor...

Hmm... Well then.
(to be fair We'd been good friends since the beginning of eighth grade and that was the late February of eighth grade. And that were the first time I'd been exposed to a real life example of those feelings, so you can bet I wasn't able to control anything yet.)

[Skeppio]

Has anyone seen Birchgrove lately?

I see H on Facebook and MSN all the time.

[SiuiS]

There's still a huge difference between arousal and attraction though. (Also not sure what they exactly mean with physical arousal, but a response down there can come from a lot of other things as well.)

Of course. And it being a side note to the original purpose of the study, and so just an artefact of the numbers, makes it even less definitive.

Hmm, well, what would you feel most comfortable with? Would you like to address this face to face in a conversation with your dad? Maybe you'd rather write him a letter explaining stuff so he has some time to think it over before you have a chat about it? One general advice is to avoid delving too deeply in terminology and focusing more on how you feel and what you think about this and what you want to do with it.

Hm. Good questions all.

Interesting. See if you could find it again?

I will so endeavor. It was listed in a book on the views and opinions of a radio talk show host, titled Someone's Gotta Say It! that someone left at my work one day. Interesting read, though I've since lost it somewhere in my apartment. A pity, I'd like to check the citation or myself.

-

I spent the day in Berkeley with some friends, shooting the breeze an ogling all the nice outfits I saw today. I really want to get that "learn to sew" plan in gear! I think I'm starting to bump up against the issue of my girlfriend being okay because I'm not pushing any issues though. We are both aware we will hve to sit down and discuss my immediate plans, but haven't had time. I'm starting to worry a little bit >_<

On the upside, the anxiety will push me to get it done instead of letting sleeping dogs lie.

[Ichneumon]

Hmm, well, what would you feel most comfortable with? Would you like to address this face to face in a conversation with your dad? Maybe you'd rather write him a letter explaining stuff so he has some time to think it over before you have a chat about it? One general advice is to avoid delving too deeply in terminology and focusing more on how you feel and what you think about this and what you want to do with it.

I've thought about this and don't really know. My mother is now going away for 2 days, meaning it will be me and my dad alone all day at home, so this would be ideal time to talk to him, but I feel I haven't prepared it enough to do it now, but I'm not sure if I'll get a better opportunity soon.

First I had planned on maybe slowly touching the subject of being trans today and maybe do the full talk next week somewhere, but I'm afraid I might start crying and not be able to have the talk, without having the talk. So that might be the wrong approach.

I'm honestly not sure how to do it. I could try writing a letter, but I think I'd prefer talking to them, but writing the letter could be a good preparation anyway.

[Asta Kask]

I'm inclined to say yes, just because I want to see if you can, and how you'd do it.

I look up the average height (68") and Standard Deviation (2.5") of women in the U.S. 68 inches according to the HANES study and the. So, 2 Standard Deviations is 73 inches, 2.5% of the individuals would be above that. There are 300 million Americans, which gives us 150 million women. 2.5% of 150 million is 3 750 000. Rare, but not exceedingly rare.

I see H on Facebook and MSN all the time.

I'm not on Facebook and MSN. Tell him to get back here, I miss him.

[noparlpf]

I've thought about this and don't really know. My mother is now going away for 2 days, meaning it will be me and my dad alone all day at home, so this would be ideal time to talk to him, but I feel I haven't prepared it enough to do it now, but I'm not sure if I'll get a better opportunity soon.

First I had planned on maybe slowly touching the subject of being trans today and maybe do the full talk next week somewhere, but I'm afraid I might start crying and not be able to have the talk, without having the talk. So that might be the wrong approach.

I'm honestly not sure how to do it. I could try writing a letter, but I think I'd prefer talking to them, but writing the letter could be a good preparation anyway.

Planning things is your brain's way of rationalising avoiding something scary. Just go for it. At breakfast or something, just say, "Hey, dad, I'm a woman." Nice and blunt. Men like blunt. That's why human history is all about men hitting things with things.

[Irish Musician]

Hoolllllyyyy Crap this thread moves fast!!

One of my new co-workers is about to have her first baby, and she's been talking to all the other mothers that sit nearby about being pregnant, and its starting to make me depressed...
--Kyra

Awww, don't be depressed. There are so many ways to have a child, most of which aren't biological. So if you would really like a bundle of joy, unfortunately this is the case, there are many children out there for adoption and such. People put too much emphasis on biology when it comes to "claiming" their children. The person who raises and loves you unconditionally, despite if you are blood related or not, are the ones who are your mom and dad. My wife's biological father is a big a#$^*le and I don't like him in the least, but he isn't the one who raised her, her dad did, who is an awesome man, albeit weird So when you hear someone talk about having a baby, don't get depressed, get excited, that one day, you too may have a little child to call your son/daughter, and be able to raise them in a loving, accepting environment.

We learned that Lix explodes if fed compliments.

Oh really? Well, that awesome, beautiful, stupendous, gorgeous, amazing, fun, smart, intelligent, Wunderbar Lix can just keep exploding then

Hello, everyone.

I've thought about this long and I think this is the time I should come out to my parents (at least to my father) as being transgender. I wanted to wait with this, but I feel that since I still live at home and am rather close to them, I can't really experiment or seek actual professional help without their help or them noticing things I can't really explain (I'm a terrible lier). Do you guys have any advise on how to approach this?

My father is a very tolerant man, I know he cares about me and is quite liberal towards homosexuals and I know he has read books about gender, so I know he's at least familiar with what it means.

If you do choose to come out to your father, the best advice I can give is just be honest. If he is a tolerant and loving dad, as he seems to be from what you describe, he will accept the news and still love you all the same. But also realize that this is big news(not bad, mind you, but BIG) and sometimes it takes a moment to soak it all up, so be patient with them while they try and process it. Tell them what you need from them, love/support/understanding, and that will help them as well. Remember, they have known you as a male(from what I saw on your "gender" icon) for their entire lives and it is somewhat of a shock to be told that your son will become your daughter.

Now, having said all of that, nothing that you will be telling them is bad or negative, and if this is really what you want, you should at least put the ball in their court, as it were. Because if you go this whole time and never tell them anything, or try and include them in this big change in your life, you won't ever know if they will go with you on this Journey, and regret is the worst of things. So, be honest, tell them how you feel and ask how they feel, and keep the lines of communication open......that is my advice anyway. Take it or leave it I hope even a little bit of it helps.

Nice and blunt. Men like blunt. That's why human history is all about men hitting things with things.

As a man, I can completely support this. Blunt is awesome.

[golentan]

Planning things is your brain's way of rationalising avoiding something scary. Just go for it. At breakfast or something, just say, "Hey, dad, I'm a woman." Nice and blunt. Men like blunt. That's why human history is all about men hitting things with things.

And why the phrase for starting a sexual relationship is so often "I'd hit that."

[Lix Lorn]

Oh really? Well, that awesome, beautiful, stupendous, gorgeous, amazing, fun, smart, intelligent, Wunderbar Lix can't just keep exploding then

wait what


(HIDES)

[Irish Musician]

wait what


(HIDES)

You can hide all you want.....but you can still hear....

(Also meant can*)

[Arachu]

Nice and blunt. Men like blunt. That's why human history is all about men hitting things with things.

I would totally quote this if my sig had any room left.

Hoolllllyyyy Crap this thread moves fast!!

Hehe, shoulda seen it when I first joined in - now it's five pages a week, then it was five every two days. X3

Awww, don't be depressed. There are so many ways to have a child, most of which aren't biological. So if you would really like a bundle of joy, unfortunately this is the case, there are many children out there for adoption and such. People put too much emphasis on biology when it comes to "claiming" their children. The person who raises and loves you unconditionally, despite if you are blood related or not, are the ones who are your mom and dad. My wife's biological father is a big a#$^*le and I don't like him in the least, but he isn't the one who raised her, her dad did, who is an awesome man, albeit weird So when you hear someone talk about having a baby, don't get depressed, get excited, that one day, you too may have a little child to call your son/daughter, and be able to raise them in a loving, accepting environment.

True.

Oh really? Well, that awesome, beautiful, stupendous, gorgeous, amazing, fun, smart, intelligent, Wunderbar Lix can just keep exploding then

Dammit, how do I outdo compliments that somehow turn me to butter!? DXD


~Bianca

[Lix Lorn]

You can hide all you want.....but you can still hear....

(Also meant can*)

(hands over ears!)