Page 1 of 6 123456 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 152
  1. - Top - End - #1
    Orc in the Playground
     
    tbok1992's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Default Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    There've been a lot of "The Dumbest Monsters of D&D" comedy lists on the internet, so I fgiured, why don't we do a topic on the other comically ludicrous stuff from D&D's history, such as magic items, races, setting bits, spells/class abilities, you name it!

    I'll start with a few ridiculous magic items I've encountered over the years:

    Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?

    Vasharan Offal Bag: From The Book of Vile Darkness, it's essentially a giant bag of poop that summons a giant cockroach once a day. And it's made by this uber-evil race of humans who really, really should've at least been more creative than "Crap in a bag+make it magic = ROACHIE!". Though Sloth is a deadly sin...

    THE NIPPLE CLAMP OF EXQUISITE PAIN!: Also from The Book of Vile Darkness. When I hear that item's name, I don't so much think "Evilly perverse sociopath" as "Insane wizard who really, really needs to get laid."

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Kelb_Panthera's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.

    Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.

    How stupid is that?
    Last edited by Kelb_Panthera; 2012-09-07 at 02:07 AM.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

    Praise I've received
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

    Avatar by Tiffanie Lirle

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    SgtCarnage92's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    A Cabin in the Woods
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.

    Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.

    How stupid Awesome is that?
    I fixed it for you.
    Awesome Gunslinger Avatar by Kymme

    "The mind of the subject will desperately struggle to create memories where none exist..." Barriers to Trans-Dimensional Travel, Rosalind Lutece, 1889

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kaww's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Harmondale
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.

    More on Eberron - a very experienced (several years of war) and powerful general is level five or lower...

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TuggyNE's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Recovering from RSI
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaww View Post
    Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.
    Are you sure you're not mistaking effective item caster level for minimum caster level required? It's a common mistake, but the caster level an item has is not (generally) the one its creator had.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water_Bear View Post
    That's RAW for you; 100% Rules-Legal, 110% silly.
    Quote Originally Posted by hamishspence View Post
    "Common sense" and "RAW" are not exactly on speaking terms
    Projects: Homebrew, Gentlemen's Agreement, DMPCs, Forbidden Knowledge safety, and Top Ten Worst. Also, Quotes and RACSD are good.

    Anyone knows blue is for sarcas'ing in "Take 10 SAN damage from Dark Orchid" Use of gray may indicate nitpicking Green is sincerity

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    king.com's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    For me its the simple things like the wise old scholar is the one with the best eye sight
    Many thanks to Z-axis for the great avatar.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saldre View Post
    you know whats worse than a regular Daemon-host? A Daemon-host with a Plasma Cannon.
    Quote Originally Posted by RandomLunatic
    "Eh. I do to 'Mechs what Simon does to American Idol contestants."

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Kaww's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Harmondale
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tuggyne View Post
    Are you sure you're not mistaking effective item caster level for minimum caster level required? It's a common mistake, but the caster level an item has is not (generally) the one its creator had.
    I'm pretty sure that if CL is in the required xp/gp/CL/required spells to make an item it's the required CL of the item creator. I could be wrong...

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Ashtagon's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tbok1992 View Post
    Bagpipes of the Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
    Classic D&D had an NPC called Prince Brannart MacGregor, a Scottish lich who ruled a principality in a kingdom of magic. Those bagpipes were made for him.

    Stupid class feature from Sandstorm is the sand shaper, who could make a ridiculously hard DC check that could take an hour or more, to shape sand for a matter of minutes.
    Last edited by Ashtagon; 2012-09-07 at 04:40 AM.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Kelb_Panthera's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashtagon View Post
    Classic D&D had an NPC called Prince Brannart MacGregor, a Scottish lich who ruled a principality in a kingdom of magic. Those bagpipes were made for him.

    Stupid class feature from Sandstorm is the sand shaper, who could make a ridiculously hard DC check that could take an hour or more, to shape sand for a matter of minutes.
    By itself that one's not so hot, but combined with some shapesand and the gloves of sandshaping you can effectively make Gaara from Naruto.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

    Praise I've received
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

    Avatar by Tiffanie Lirle

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tbok1992 View Post
    Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
    Not accurately. Bagpipes are actually used in battle to keep the troops fighting. They're loud enough to be heard over the sound of battle. Scottish battle units always have a piper or two for that purpose.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    SW England
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tbok1992 View Post
    Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
    What's undignified about bagpipes?

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    What's undignified is that they made it boost undead, instead of giving all your allies within hearing a free use of Rage along with Endurance, or Diehard if they already have endurance.

    Fun little fact: Most uses of bardic music don't have a cap on allies affected, it's just "All allies who can hear the bard play". I picked Bagpipes for my Bard/Marshal/Legendary leader, because you can hear Bagpipes from forever and a day away. The Artillary can get bonus to hit while you're in melee halfway across the field.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Kelb_Panthera's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Acanous View Post
    What's undignified is that they made it boost undead, instead of giving all your allies within hearing a free use of Rage along with Endurance, or Diehard if they already have endurance.

    Fun little fact: Most uses of bardic music don't have a cap on allies affected, it's just "All allies who can hear the bard play". I picked Bagpipes for my Bard/Marshal/Legendary leader, because you can hear Bagpipes from forever and a day away. The Artillary can get bonus to hit while you're in melee halfway across the field.
    Actually, only inspire courage doesn't have a listed maximum range, but it's the best of the bunch anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter much that the others are capped.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

    Praise I've received
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

    Avatar by Tiffanie Lirle

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Orlando, FL

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaww View Post
    Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.
    There are high level casters in Eberron. Most of them are just evil. Or dead. *cough*MordaintheFleshweaver*cough*

    More on Eberron - a very experienced (several years of war) and powerful general is level five or lower...
    And the average soldier is a level 2 warrior. NPCs do not get to use the XP chart that PCs use. What's your point?

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2007

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Duergar Beard Quills in 4e.

    Edit: sorry, "non-monster" stupidity. My apologies.
    Last edited by Ashdate; 2012-09-07 at 02:17 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Orc in the Playground
     
    tbok1992's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.

    Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.

    How stupid is that?
    I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.

    And also, on those bagpipes, I guess it's because when you think "Silly instruments," Bagpipes are the second thing that comes to mind, right after the accordion. Although, an accordion-based magic item would be good for making a "Weird Al As A Bard" PC, which would probably the bet character concept in the history of anything.

    Plus, on the stupid magic item front, there's also that KKK level racist anti-drow bow from Weapons of Legacy, whose name I forget. In fact, I find the concept of specific weapons made to exterminate certain races (Like goblins or ogres) to be kind of disturbing. It'd be like if we had a +2 Shotgun of Killing Mexicans or a +5 Machete of Die Whitey Die in real life. Though that's less "comically stupid" than "disturbingly stupid".
    Last edited by tbok1992; 2012-09-07 at 03:32 PM.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Poil's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tbok1992 View Post
    I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.
    While it's true that hippos are amazingly badass and dangerous in real life Africa, they're not that dangerous in dnd. Also how many times have you ever seen a hippo when roleplaying? You're not likely to hear someone say "If we only could have turned one of those hippos our party wouldn't have been wiped out.".
    Last edited by Poil; 2012-09-07 at 03:50 PM.
    Awesome avatar by RustMonster

    Constipated Lizard Slayer

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TuggyNE's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Recovering from RSI
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaww View Post
    I'm pretty sure that if CL is in the required xp/gp/CL/required spells to make an item it's the required CL of the item creator. I could be wrong...
    You would be right, except that it's listed in a different section from the prerequisites, separated by a semicolon.

    Also, the notational entry for Caster Level says this:
    Quote Originally Posted by SRD Magic Item Basics
    For potions, scrolls, and wands, the creator can set the caster level of an item at any number high enough to cast the stored spell and not higher than her own caster level. For other magic items, the caster level is determined by the creator. The minimum caster level is that which is needed to meet the prerequisites given.
    Further, under Prerequisites,
    Quote Originally Posted by SRD Magic Item Basics
    Typically, a list of prerequisites includes one feat and one or more spells (or some other requirement in addition to the feat).
    The rules are written rather confusingly at times, but I believe that's the most consistent way to interpret them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water_Bear View Post
    That's RAW for you; 100% Rules-Legal, 110% silly.
    Quote Originally Posted by hamishspence View Post
    "Common sense" and "RAW" are not exactly on speaking terms
    Projects: Homebrew, Gentlemen's Agreement, DMPCs, Forbidden Knowledge safety, and Top Ten Worst. Also, Quotes and RACSD are good.

    Anyone knows blue is for sarcas'ing in "Take 10 SAN damage from Dark Orchid" Use of gray may indicate nitpicking Green is sincerity

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Poil View Post
    You're not likely to hear someone say "If we only could have turned one of those hippos our party wouldn't have been wiped out.".
    Unless, of course, you're playing a Crazy Awesome campaign and are getting mobbed by hippo swarms.
    Last edited by Slipperychicken; 2012-09-07 at 07:46 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Tippy View Post
    By level 20 though, you aren't capturing a wizard. A character lives to level 20 by being the most ruthless, lucky, capable, and paranoid bastard around. A wizard is throwing around a 30+ Int score and has, entirely in character, planned contingencies for his contingencies. He may well be running around with flat out total immunity to harm, he does not walk outside without an entire bevy of defensive magics around him and enough magic items to buy himself a nation.

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Rallicus's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.

    Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.

    I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"

    Just seems ridiculous.
    Last edited by Rallicus; 2012-09-07 at 05:21 PM.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Kelb_Panthera's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by tbok1992 View Post
    I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.
    While all this is true, IRL, in D&D hippo's are isolated to a single terain type and have to compete with magical beasts and dragons. Then there's the fact that the feat, unique in all of 3.5, gives you the ability to rebuke/command, not just animals; one of the weakest creature types; but one specific type of animal, making it one of the weakest feats in 3.5. Even in sandstorm it kind of jumps out as an odd duck and kind of random.
    And also, on those bagpipes, I guess it's because when you think "Silly instruments," Bagpipes are the second thing that comes to mind, right after the accordion. Although, an accordion-based magic item would be good for making a "Weird Al As A Bard" PC, which would probably the bet character concept in the history of anything.
    I couldn't argue against this if I tried hard.

    Plus, on the stupid magic item front, there's also that KKK level racist anti-drow bow from Weapons of Legacy, whose name I forget. In fact, I find the concept of specific weapons made to exterminate certain races (Like goblins or ogres) to be kind of disturbing. It'd be like if we had a +2 Shotgun of Killing Mexicans or a +5 Machete of Die Whitey Die in real life. Though that's less "comically stupid" than "disturbingly stupid".
    Racism IRL is born of ignorance of the fact that human beings are all basically the same.

    Racism in fantasy is based in the knowledge that there are some "races" of people, though species would be more accurate, that are naturally inclined to try and kill you because it sounds like fun.

    Fantasy racism has a little more validity than its RL counterpart, and is thus less disturbing, IMO.

    To quote a webcomic, "If I was going to be racist, I'd pick the race that was most likely to tear out my spine, for the fun of it, too."

    Btw, "machete of 'die whitey, die,'" made me snort with laughter. I'm caucasian and inclined toward dark humor.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

    Praise I've received
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

    Avatar by Tiffanie Lirle

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Tectonic Robot's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    The States
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Yo, dudezles, check this one oouuuuutttt /Skaterdude

    It costs less to purchase a ten foot ladder than a ten foot pole.
    Proud member of the Gnomish Wanderer fanclub!

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Danville

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Rallicus View Post
    Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.

    Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.

    I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"

    Just seems ridiculous.
    That actually seems pretty hillarious!

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2012

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Rallicus View Post
    I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
    Okay, I'll admit it. I completely lost it at this point.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
     
    The Glyphstone's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Tectonic Robot View Post
    Yo, dudezles, check this one oouuuuutttt /Skaterdude

    It costs less to purchase a ten foot ladder than a ten foot pole.
    Yeah, but cutting a ladder in half doesn't get you two ten foot poles, it gets you two halves of a broken ladder. Sure, you can still try and poke things with them, but if that's what you want, sturdy tree branches cost even less than ten foot ladders.
    Quote Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
    The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
    Spoiler
    Show

    Quote Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
    Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombimode
    Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Danville

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Yeah, but cutting a ladder in half doesn't get you two ten foot poles, it gets you two halves of a broken ladder. Sure, you can still try and poke things with them, but if that's what you want, sturdy tree branches cost even less than ten foot ladders.
    That just makes it more problematic. A ladder requires much more craftsmanship and time to make, whereas a ten foot pole is equivalent to a polished tree branch. It would be like an automobile that was cheaper than a wooden plank with wheels on it -- a low-end skateboard.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Rallicus View Post
    I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
    I want to play in this campaign.

    It's also an Elf hand, specifically. So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emperor Tippy View Post
    By level 20 though, you aren't capturing a wizard. A character lives to level 20 by being the most ruthless, lucky, capable, and paranoid bastard around. A wizard is throwing around a 30+ Int score and has, entirely in character, planned contingencies for his contingencies. He may well be running around with flat out total immunity to harm, he does not walk outside without an entire bevy of defensive magics around him and enough magic items to buy himself a nation.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Titan in the Playground
     
    TheFallenOne's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Heidelberg, Germany
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Slipperychicken View Post
    I want to play in this campaign.

    It's also an Elf hand, specifically. So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
    Would be more hilarious if it's just a chopped off hand, not a magic item. "Oh, I see you got a Hand of the Mage?" "What now? Nah, the bugger was an archer. Chopped off his drawing hand and decided to keep it."
    Not a member of the Bayesian Conspiracy. Honestly. Probably. Maybe.
    Find your own priors!



  29. - Top - End - #29
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Milo v3's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Slipperychicken View Post
    So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
    The next Elf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off his wrist and had mummified into a magic item. He lost his other hand to a dwarf.
    My Homebrew (200+) Not up to date

    Previous Avatar
    Spoiler
    Show

    By Aruius.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Exediron's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    United States
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

    Quote Originally Posted by Rallicus View Post
    Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.

    Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.

    I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"

    Just seems ridiculous.
    This actually made me giggle out loud. Were I the sort, I would quote it in my signature.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •