LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

[noparlpf]

... yeah, that comic depresses me a little.
I've got a link to share here, that I don't think is very well-known around here (though I could be mistaken). Lesbians 101, a lesson that most of us don't need, but that will be nice to share once it's completed. (Warning: links leads to drawing of people in underwear, it's quite innocent but I figure it's better to give a warning just in case. Later pages show sex toys drawings and get more explicit about sex.)
The comic itself is also awesome. (Warning: cartoon violence, profanities, politics, religion, gender confusion, barbie-anatomy nakedness, and tons of cats.)
(I figure this would be a good moment to remind you I'm generous with disclaimer and warnings. I swear so much everywhere else and talk so much about delicate subjects I don't even know what's over the limits for a pg-13 forum. Therefore, I'm making a lot of things sound much worse than they actually are. Better be too cautious than too careless. What I'm getting at is that Chaos Life is not actually a Clockwork Orange with cats.)
In case you guys already knew Chaos Life, then, huh. Hurr.

By the way, I noticed I did not give out nearly enough hugs this week due to the forum maintenance. Catching up now.
*HUGS*

Heh. "I like jelly! None of this is relevant to our genders!"

Oh yeah? As amusing as that is, try making some food on the stove when the whole thing decides that is had enough of this mortal coil and decides to live out its final moments in this world as a BLAZING INFERNO! Seriously, I turn my back on the thing for thirty seconds...

edit: as an aside, and a helpful tip for everyone.

*clears throat* Do NOT wait for an actual emergency to see if your fire extinguisher works. There are eight different people who had to buy new extinguishers because the ones they had did not work as they were supposed to. Myself among them.

Hard to test without replacing/refilling, isn't it? Personally I've never had to use one. Last time I started a grease fire on the (electric) stove, I just put the pan back down and smothered it. And the smoke detectors didn't even go off. Only real fire in the dorm all year and the smoke detectors didn't even notice. Yet other people somehow manage to set them off making toast or pop-tarts or whatever.

I ... would be fine with being called "Sir", actually. I quite like "Ma'am", I think it's kind of cute. I like "Madam". I don't like "Miss", it's too childish.

I like "Madam" as a concept but it feels awkward because of my upbringing and local culture. I address strange women and girls as "Miss", like, "Excuse me, Miss, you dropped this pen," or something like that.
The tae kwon do club president said to call her "Sir" or "Ma'am" during drills, whichever we prefer.

Oh yeah, having fatigue syndrome is a lot like suddenly being 80! You're on loads of medicine, you fall asleep at awkward times, you go up stairs one step at a time saying things like "You people go on ahead! I'll catch ye up!"

On an almost-unrelated note, in Ireland, "whippersnapper" is the name of a type of very soft white sliced pan, so every time someone says "young whippersnappers!" I think of soft jam sandwiches and now I'm hungry...!

Would be nice if we could trade off partway and equalise things a bit. I wish I could fall asleep easily, awkward times or proper ones. I haven't slept properly in days, and I need a good nine or ten hours of GOOD sleep to function.
Oddly, I have more trouble going up stairs slowly.

I think a lot of what's important to me personally about my gender would be less relevant in a more equal society. But I always liked being a woman/girl and felt like I was on the "right" side, as it were. I think I'd do okay if I was suddenly a man but I'd prefer that didn't happen and if it did, I'd try to undo it.

I'd be pretty pissed if I woke up in a female body while still male. (A gender swap too would probably be hard to get used to because I acclimate to things slowly, but it would be easier.) It would be interesting if I had the option to change back at will when I was sick of it and knew ahead of time I was going in for the experience, but waking up female-bodied would be a huge drag.
And our society makes me feel a bit less connected with my gender. Possibly because (at least around here) we stereotype men as only caring about sex, beer, and American "football".

[Astrella]

@Astrelia- At least you got an appointment with the endocrinologist, which is a step forward. The name change thing sounds miserable though. I don't see why it should really require a date set just for that, though maybe for the official sex switch on government documents going that far is understandable (not right, but at least understandable). Still given the stupid things people change their names to, you wouldn't think Lena would raise any legal hurdles.

*hugs*

People are stupid
Governments doubly so.

Yeah... a lot of my frustration is actually for the sake of other people. I'm still pretty lucky but for someone who is non-op for example or non-binary and wants to medically transition it all just sounds so much more sucky. :s

I meant that mainly in terms of coming out, since in your two months you've, I think, done a lot more about that than I have. In a way, I envy your bravery. I think one of the things holding me back is still the possibility that I'm just crazy and self-deluded. I'm hoping things will get better actually talking with someone knowledgeable in meatspace directly about it. That and I have sisters, and on my bad days I worry that I'll just be throwing away my carefully constructed facade of lies forever just to have a shot at becoming a poor imitation of a real woman like them. Blah

You are a real woman, Laura. Let no-one tell you otherwise.
But yes, I know those fears as well. *offers all the hugs*

Guys, feeling all confused today. The source of my confusion involves politics, but I think it's fair to say that I'm feeling hurt and in some ways targeted by a couple of news item's I've seen lately, and the world just is seeming like a hostile place.

Aww. :<
*all the hugs*
*defends goly from mean world with her honor guard*

Oh! On a work related note I had a very productive meeting with my HR person and my boss, and there's a vague plan for me when I transition at work to move me out of my current, very visible, position as floor manager into something more administrative which I've been wanting to do anyways.
Nothing like leveraging potential discrimination from jackhole customers into an advantage so as to hasten the wheels of HR

That's neat and great to have at it at least a bit laid out already.

It's an absense of part of me, rather than some opposite. I didn't know I was missing something before but now I do and I notice when it's not there a lot more consiously. This comic is very relevant.

That comic. :<

... yeah, that comic depresses me a little.
I've got a link to share here, that I don't think is very well-known around here (though I could be mistaken). Lesbians 101, a lesson that most of us don't need, but that will be nice to share once it's completed. (Warning: links leads to drawing of people in underwear, it's quite innocent but I figure it's better to give a warning just in case. Later pages show sex toys drawings and get more explicit about sex.)
The comic itself is also awesome. (Warning: cartoon violence, profanities, politics, religion, gender confusion, barbie-anatomy nakedness, and tons of cats.)
(I figure this would be a good moment to remind you I'm generous with disclaimer and warnings. I swear so much everywhere else and talk so much about delicate subjects I don't even know what's over the limits for a pg-13 forum. Therefore, I'm making a lot of things sound much worse than they actually are. Better be too cautious than too careless. What I'm getting at is that Chaos Life is not actually a Clockwork Orange with cats.)
In case you guys already knew Chaos Life, then, huh. Hurr.

By the way, I noticed I did not give out nearly enough hugs this week due to the forum maintenance. Catching up now.
*HUGS*

Ooh, I love Chaos Life. And the lesbian 101 series have been pretty neat so far. There's general useful stuff about gender stereotypes in there as well.

So... I'm still here. I just didn't feel like postig, because I felt really down the last couple of days (well, the last two weeks). Not because of something particular ( except the thing with my friend, but that's getting better), just in general. Like I was sitting in a deep, black hole. Alone, fragile, and tired. Very tired, I actually considered skipping school yesterday because I was so tired of everything. Tired of school, tired of feeling lonely even if I'm with my friends, tired of talking with my parents ((especially with my father. I'm tired of his stupid jokes.) though at the same time I want nothing more than someone to talk with), tired of existing. But it's getting better now.

@feeling female: I thought about that a while, and have no idea how I would describe it. But like Musashi said, that's probably due to being cis. Though I am really confused recently. I sometimes feel like I might be genderqueer, or more agendered. I often don't like wearing tight clothes and I think stuff like "If I'd lose my breasts due to breast cancer or something, I wouldn't want implants. I wouldn't mind at all." But than I think I just imagine those stuff because I read so much about it lately. I am so confused.

So, *hugs* to everyone who needs or wants some, and good luck for you tomorrow, Phoenix (by the way, that's a wonderful name for you )!

*hugs*
Those feelings of just exhaustion with existence is something that happens to me quite often. It's really sucky. :s I hope you feel better soon.

Gender; it's really confusing and can require a lot of introspection to figure out. But we're here to help you and support you.

@Astrella, it must be really frustrating to have these things take so long, but I bet you look back and think these few months are nothing compared to the long years you have after you're through all this bureaucracy!

Yeah, it's mostly just how messy it is in general and how some people suffer from it even a lot more than me that frustrates me. You'd think that Belgium out of all countries would be a bit more progressive about this stuff. >.>

-----

Good luck tomorrow, Phoenix!

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Well. Today sucked.

This morning at work we had a free sponsored medical clinic thingy where some healthcare people came in and gave flu shots, checked blood sugar, dispensed nutrition advice, did a normal checkup, and such. I'm not a fan of needles at all and would gladly have passed on it, but it's sponsored by my employer's insurance company as part of a Healthy Incentives program, and each thing you do gives you a discount on your insurance premiums for a year (up to 2/3 off if you do the maximum number of activities), so given the insurance prices around here I figured I could put up with my trypanophobia if it meant saving that kind of money. We had to fill out a bunch of forms beforehand, one of which had questions about relationship status, orientation, sexual practices, etc. for demographics and benefit eligibility purposes. (On a side note, I was impressed by the form; the questions dealt with more than just the gender binary, included most of the LGBTQA* in the orientation answers, and stuff like that.)

One of the possible activities was giving blood. Those of you familiar with US laws on the subject probably see where this is heading.

I answered all the questions honestly and figured that would be the end of it. Now, I haven't had sex before, with another male or otherwise. I don't have anything that would be communicable via blood donation, HIV or otherwise. I emphatically did not want to give blood today because eew needles and I stated as much on the form. Yet that didn't stop the nurse there from coming over and telling me--in the public waiting room, mind, not in the private room where they were discussing test results with people--that "people like me" aren't allowed to give blood. When I told her that I had not checked the giving-blood box on the activity selection form, I had checked the never-had-sex-with-men box, and oh by the way there were probably some people two floors up who hadn't heard her and would she like to say that again a little louder, she apologized for misreading the giving-blood checkbox...but reiterated (loudly) that it's not allowed and that I shouldn't go try to give blood somewhere else, because I could be lying about not being a MSM.

Because if you're gay and you really want to give blood, you're obviously going to tell the truth about your orientation and then lie about your sex life.

So basically I got to skip breakfast and give up my lunch break in order to be poked with needles, humiliated in front of my co-workers and manager, and unexpectedly outed to a bunch of people. My manager said he's going to file a complaint with the insurance company over the unprofessional conduct, but the damage is done; some of the co-workers who were present have expressed some not-exactly-gay-friendly views in the past, and when I ran into one of them later in the afternoon, instead of exchanging the usual friendly smalltalk she very unsubtly snubbed me.

Every Wednesday we have a catered lunch where the whole company eats together and gossips networks, so I guess I'll find out then how many of those coworkers who apparently skipped LGBT sensitivity training are still willing to talk to me. Tomorrow is going to be a looong day.

[noparlpf]

Well. Today sucked.

This morning at work we had a free sponsored medical clinic thingy where some healthcare people came in and gave flu shots, checked blood sugar, dispensed nutrition advice, did a normal checkup, and such. I'm not a fan of needles at all and would gladly have passed on it, but it's sponsored by my employer's insurance company as part of a Healthy Incentives program, and each thing you do gives you a discount on your insurance premiums for a year (up to 2/3 off if you do the maximum number of activities), so given the insurance prices around here I figured I could put up with my trypanophobia if it meant saving that kind of money. We had to fill out a bunch of forms beforehand, one of which had questions about relationship status, orientation, sexual practices, etc. for demographics and benefit eligibility purposes. (On a side note, I was impressed by the form; the questions dealt with more than just the gender binary, included most of the LGBTQA* in the orientation answers, and stuff like that.)

One of the possible activities was giving blood. Those of you familiar with US laws on the subject probably see where this is heading.

I answered all the questions honestly and figured that would be the end of it. Now, I haven't had sex before, with another male or otherwise. I don't have anything that would be communicable via blood donation, HIV or otherwise. I emphatically did not want to give blood today because eew needles and I stated as much on the form. Yet that didn't stop the nurse there from coming over and telling me--in the public waiting room, mind, not in the private room where they were discussing test results with people--that "people like me" aren't allowed to give blood. When I told her that I had not checked the giving-blood box on the activity selection form, I had checked the never-had-sex-with-men box, and oh by the way there were probably some people two floors up who hadn't heard her and would she like to say that again a little louder, she apologized for misreading the giving-blood checkbox...but reiterated (loudly) that it's not allowed and that I shouldn't go try to give blood somewhere else, because I could be lying about not being a MSM.

Because if you're gay and you really want to give blood, you're obviously going to tell the truth about your orientation and then lie about your sex life.

So basically I got to skip breakfast and give up my lunch break in order to be poked with needles, humiliated in front of my co-workers and manager, and unexpectedly outed to a bunch of people. My manager said he's going to file a complaint with the insurance company over the unprofessional conduct, but the damage is done; some of the co-workers who were present have expressed some not-exactly-gay-friendly views in the past, and when I ran into one of them later in the afternoon, instead of exchanging the usual friendly smalltalk she very unsubtly snubbed me.

Every Wednesday we have a catered lunch where the whole company eats together and gossips networks, so I guess I'll find out then how many of those coworkers who apparently skipped LGBT sensitivity training are still willing to talk to me. Tomorrow is going to be a looong day.

Ouch, that's rough. I'm sorry. I certainly hope something's done about the insurance company's employees' conduct, not that you're likely to find out. How are your employers/the company about non-discrimination policies? I don't want to just expect a rough week or two, but from what you've said it sounds like that might be in store. Hope things work out alright.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Ouch, that's rough. I'm sorry. I certainly hope something's done about the insurance company's employees' conduct, not that you're likely to find out. How are your employers/the company about non-discrimination policies? I don't want to just expect a rough week or two, but from what you've said it sounds like that might be in store. Hope things work out alright.

My employer has a fairly comprehensive non-discrimination policy and such training is mandatory for new hires, but someone's behavior would have to be a bit more blatant and repetitive than giving me the cold shoulder and cracking a few gay jokes before anything could really be done about it.

[noparlpf]

My employer has a fairly comprehensive non-discrimination policy and such training is mandatory for new hires, but someone's behavior would have to be a bit more blatant and repetitive than giving me the cold shoulder and cracking a few gay jokes before anything could really be done about it.

Yeah, that's basically what I expected. Best of luck. Awkward surprise outings are always tons of fun.

[Lentrax]

Well. Today sucked.

This morning at work we had a free sponsored medical clinic thingy where some healthcare people came in and gave flu shots, checked blood sugar, dispensed nutrition advice, did a normal checkup, and such. I'm not a fan of needles at all and would gladly have passed on it, but it's sponsored by my employer's insurance company as part of a Healthy Incentives program, and each thing you do gives you a discount on your insurance premiums for a year (up to 2/3 off if you do the maximum number of activities), so given the insurance prices around here I figured I could put up with my trypanophobia if it meant saving that kind of money. We had to fill out a bunch of forms beforehand, one of which had questions about relationship status, orientation, sexual practices, etc. for demographics and benefit eligibility purposes. (On a side note, I was impressed by the form; the questions dealt with more than just the gender binary, included most of the LGBTQA* in the orientation answers, and stuff like that.)

One of the possible activities was giving blood. Those of you familiar with US laws on the subject probably see where this is heading.

I answered all the questions honestly and figured that would be the end of it. Now, I haven't had sex before, with another male or otherwise. I don't have anything that would be communicable via blood donation, HIV or otherwise. I emphatically did not want to give blood today because eew needles and I stated as much on the form. Yet that didn't stop the nurse there from coming over and telling me--in the public waiting room, mind, not in the private room where they were discussing test results with people--that "people like me" aren't allowed to give blood. When I told her that I had not checked the giving-blood box on the activity selection form, I had checked the never-had-sex-with-men box, and oh by the way there were probably some people two floors up who hadn't heard her and would she like to say that again a little louder, she apologized for misreading the giving-blood checkbox...but reiterated (loudly) that it's not allowed and that I shouldn't go try to give blood somewhere else, because I could be lying about not being a MSM.

Because if you're gay and you really want to give blood, you're obviously going to tell the truth about your orientation and then lie about your sex life.

So basically I got to skip breakfast and give up my lunch break in order to be poked with needles, humiliated in front of my co-workers and manager, and unexpectedly outed to a bunch of people. My manager said he's going to file a complaint with the insurance company over the unprofessional conduct, but the damage is done; some of the co-workers who were present have expressed some not-exactly-gay-friendly views in the past, and when I ran into one of them later in the afternoon, instead of exchanging the usual friendly smalltalk she very unsubtly snubbed me.

Every Wednesday we have a catered lunch where the whole company eats together and gossips networks, so I guess I'll find out then how many of those coworkers who apparently skipped LGBT sensitivity training are still willing to talk to me. Tomorrow is going to be a looong day.

At least now you don't have to go through the struggle of trying to come out on your own? But yeah, that has really gotta suck. I'm sorry.

[SaintRidley]

Yeesh, that sucks. Best of luck tomorrow with the lunch. Here's hoping you have some allies at work.

[Selpharia]

Oh gods that's miserable. Hopefully decent people outnumber jerks at your office.

*hugs*

That and it's new information. Give the gossip machine some time to chew on it, and then it'll find something else to focus its attention on as people get used to the idea. It's not perfect, but there's a good possibility that it will not be like day one all the time.

Good luck, hon

~Laura

[Serpentine]

My manager said he's going to file a complaint with the insurance company over the unprofessional conduct,

Definitely. Complain the **** out of her. It was incredibly rude and unprofessional, and a massive breach of confidentiality - in fact, was there a section on that form about privacy? I'd be surprised if there wasn't. That's ridiculous, and I hope it's made excruciatingly clear to that woman I just... RAWR! I suppose I understand if you'd rather not, but I really, really hope you stick it to her in every means you have available, because my sense of justice demands it
More immediately, I hope your coworkers get over it

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Thanks for all sympathy, guys. I'll keep you posted on how things go tomorrow.

It was incredibly rude and unprofessional, and a massive breach of confidentiality - in fact, was there a section on that form about privacy? I'd be surprised if there wasn't.

There wasn't, actually, I just got a separate sheet after the examinations along with my results that outlined their patient confidentiality policy. I guess her little disclosure didn't break that because I didn't have the right piece of paper yet.

[Serpentine]

There wasn't, actually, I just got a separate sheet after the examinations along with my results that outlined their patient confidentiality policy. I guess her little disclosure didn't break that because I didn't have the right piece of paper yet.

I doubt it. And in any case I'm pretty sure that's the sort of thing that should be made available at the start

[golentan]

Ouch, that sucks PairO'Dice. Firstly, I absolutely guarantee that what the blood lady did (at least how she told you) is a breach of professional ethics, and possibly grounds for her being fired if you bring it to her employers, because that is absolutely not cool. Secondly, yeah. After I first had sex with another man, I went to give blood and remembered at the last moment the "men who have sex with men" exclusion. It sucks. I'm not willing to lie to give blood, but I want to donate. The fact that you got called out on that ridiculous policy when you hadn't even tried to donate blood has to be just as painful. All my hugs.

[Socratov]

Well. Today sucked.

This morning at work we had a free sponsored medical clinic thingy where some healthcare people came in and gave flu shots, checked blood sugar, dispensed nutrition advice, did a normal checkup, and such. I'm not a fan of needles at all and would gladly have passed on it, but it's sponsored by my employer's insurance company as part of a Healthy Incentives program, and each thing you do gives you a discount on your insurance premiums for a year (up to 2/3 off if you do the maximum number of activities), so given the insurance prices around here I figured I could put up with my trypanophobia if it meant saving that kind of money. We had to fill out a bunch of forms beforehand, one of which had questions about relationship status, orientation, sexual practices, etc. for demographics and benefit eligibility purposes. (On a side note, I was impressed by the form; the questions dealt with more than just the gender binary, included most of the LGBTQA* in the orientation answers, and stuff like that.)

One of the possible activities was giving blood. Those of you familiar with US laws on the subject probably see where this is heading.

I answered all the questions honestly and figured that would be the end of it. Now, I haven't had sex before, with another male or otherwise. I don't have anything that would be communicable via blood donation, HIV or otherwise. I emphatically did not want to give blood today because eew needles and I stated as much on the form. Yet that didn't stop the nurse there from coming over and telling me--in the public waiting room, mind, not in the private room where they were discussing test results with people--that "people like me" aren't allowed to give blood. When I told her that I had not checked the giving-blood box on the activity selection form, I had checked the never-had-sex-with-men box, and oh by the way there were probably some people two floors up who hadn't heard her and would she like to say that again a little louder, she apologized for misreading the giving-blood checkbox...but reiterated (loudly) that it's not allowed and that I shouldn't go try to give blood somewhere else, because I could be lying about not being a MSM.

Because if you're gay and you really want to give blood, you're obviously going to tell the truth about your orientation and then lie about your sex life.

So basically I got to skip breakfast and give up my lunch break in order to be poked with needles, humiliated in front of my co-workers and manager, and unexpectedly outed to a bunch of people. My manager said he's going to file a complaint with the insurance company over the unprofessional conduct, but the damage is done; some of the co-workers who were present have expressed some not-exactly-gay-friendly views in the past, and when I ran into one of them later in the afternoon, instead of exchanging the usual friendly smalltalk she very unsubtly snubbed me.

Every Wednesday we have a catered lunch where the whole company eats together and gossips networks, so I guess I'll find out then how many of those coworkers who apparently skipped LGBT sensitivity training are still willing to talk to me. Tomorrow is going to be a looong day.

oh, that is seriously bad juju. Good luck tomorrow. And good luck with the complaint against breach of confidentiality. At least where i'm living, leaking personal information of any sensitive nature (medical information, discussions between lawyers and clients, etc.) is grounds bor a ban from the job or indeed industry.

On a different note I recently learned that only 1 or 2 months ago it was allowed to discriminate against Homosexuals in The Netherlands when it comes to giving blood. I mean, it's one thing to declare a group of people as having more risk to certain stuff and thus do more tests to be absolutely sure it's ok, but outright rejecting a group for their sexual or romantic preferences? That is just bad. I'm glad that is beïng changed. I mean, maybe 30 years ago the risk was much greater but after about 30 years people have caugt up on the whole STD thing right? You know, maybe Plato was right, we should have a technocracy.

[The Succubus]

Definitely. Complain the **** out of her. It was incredibly rude and unprofessional, and a massive breach of confidentiality - in fact, was there a section on that form about privacy? I'd be surprised if there wasn't. That's ridiculous, and I hope it's made excruciatingly clear to that woman I just... RAWR! I suppose I understand if you'd rather not, but I really, really hope you stick it to her in every means you have available, because my sense of justice demands it
More immediately, I hope your coworkers get over it

What she said.

If I caught someone saying stuff like that in my section of Outpatients I would come down on them like a particularly vengeful ton of bricks. When you put on your hospital uniform, you leave your prejudices, etc at that front door.

[Absol197]

*terrible story*

Oh, I'm so sorry, Dice! Here's hoping that the majority of your co-workers are decent people! And you should definitely talk to your boss about that woman - like everyone else said, that's not only rude, but it's a major violation of privacy!

You are a real woman, Laura. Let no-one tell you otherwise.
But yes, I know those fears as well. *offers all the hugs*

This. I, uh, can't always say I don't worry the same thing, but if that's who you are, that's who you are!

Ooh, I love Chaos Life. And the lesbian 101 series have been pretty neat so far. There's general useful stuff about gender stereotypes in there as well.

I really liked it, too! I should read more of that artist's stuff...

Good luck tomorrow, Phoenix!

Thanks, I'll try my best... Now that the day is finally here, I'm jittery as...something that is really jittery!

~Phoenix~

[Mono Vertigo]

Damn. The policy is already crappy, everybody knows that, but that nurse adds a whole layer of fail on top of that.
Complain. Loudly.

[KenderWizard]

Well. Today sucked.

WHAT! Get that person fired! For feck's sake, isn't it bad enough that we still have this no-gays blood policy without coming down on essentially random gay people who happen to be nearby, which is what she did? Guess what? They screen all donated blood for HIV because to do otherwise would be extremely negligent.

Oh, I forgot to say I read Lesbians 101 and it's really cute and I love the first part about not being able to tell anyone's sexuality or preferences by how they look. My only issue was that they said that nowadays heteronormative couples split housework equally. That may be what people know should happen, but in the overwhelming majority of married couples, women do more of the housework than men. That article is British, but this appears to be true for any western country I've seen statistics for. This is partly, but not completely, explained by women being less likely to work outside the home, work fulltime outside the home, or earn as much as men, but even if it could all be explained by that, that's not really a good thing! Also the explanation goes backwards too; can you afford to go out networking to get that promotion if you have to get home to tidy the house and put on the dinner? This has been your daily feminist aside.

[Asta Kask]

Well. Today sucked.

Yeah. Complain. If nothing else you can scare the crap out of her, which may make her think twice before acting like a complete *******. Probably won't, but miracles sometime happen.

Kender... have you ever considered mixing the power of tea and whisky in one glass? Or would the power splinter the glass immediately?

[Socratov]

WHAT! Get that person fired! For feck's sake, isn't it bad enough that we still have this no-gays blood policy without coming down on essentially random gay people who happen to be nearby, which is what she did? Guess what? They screen all donated blood for HIV because to do otherwise would be extremely negligent.

Oh, I forgot to say I read Lesbians 101 and it's really cute and I love the first part about not being able to tell anyone's sexuality or preferences by how they look. My only issue was that they said that nowadays heteronormative couples split housework equally. That may be what people know should happen, but in the overwhelming majority of married couples, women do more of the housework than men. That article is British, but this appears to be true for any western country I've seen statistics for. This is partly, but not completely, explained by women being less likely to work outside the home, work fulltime outside the home, or earn as much as men, but even if it could all be explained by that, that's not really a good thing! Also the explanation goes backwards too; can you afford to go out networking to get that promotion if you have to get home to tidy the house and put on the dinner? This has been your daily feminist aside.

yeah lesbian 101 is funny, it probably tells you the state of sociëty if it needs a webcomic like that, but let's put that aside for now before the mods come a knocking at my door .

On de division of housework. I'm partly agreeing and partly not. that it happens doesn't make it bad. I admit to have seen a gender inequality between rewards etc. But on the other hand studies have shown that the difference is often put because women tend to go on a sebattical (so to speak) to have and raise kids. Most of the time the rewards like salary etc. are based on the amount of education, nature of the function and the amount of work experience in a given field. Now if Person A has less experience then Person B it could stand to reason that Person B gets a bigger reward. So my question is (one that is sadly rather hard to research): what part of the genderinequality is explained by a difference in work experience and difference in capabilities, and what part is to blame on us men beïng mysoginistic *******s (in general)?

One funny thing is the fact that some time ago, the women, through complaints of genderinequality, have gotten the reward for women's grand slam tennis raised to equal the men's reward. The thing is that, to win the trophy, the men have to play best of 5 versus the women's best of 3, which results in the women getting paid more per set played then the gents

[supernerd]

Well, I'll add to the mutual frustration at PairofDice's situation. What a [female dog]! Especially the "people like you" comment. That woman is just horrible. I hope people are willing to gossip with you and not about you.

[Mono Vertigo]

Yeah... truth be told, taking care of the housework partially hinders my search for a work. On the other hand, BF has to work and study quite a lot, being a med student, so that I take care of the home is only the most optimal choice.
Honestly though, I feel it has almost nothing to do with my gender, and everything to do with the truckload of poor choices I've made all those years. If I had studied in a better field, or had not listened to some advice coming from my mother, I would already have a job. It's not so much my gender as my complete and utter lack of experience that keeps shoving me out of an office.
And yet, I was so pleased yesterday when BF randomly decided to clean the sink. It's much more motivating when both parties participate, even if it's only once in a while.

[noparlpf]

Ouch, that sucks PairO'Dice. Firstly, I absolutely guarantee that what the blood lady did (at least how she told you) is a breach of professional ethics, and possibly grounds for her being fired if you bring it to her employers, because that is absolutely not cool. Secondly, yeah. After I first had sex with another man, I went to give blood and remembered at the last moment the "men who have sex with men" exclusion. It sucks. I'm not willing to lie to give blood, but I want to donate. The fact that you got called out on that ridiculous policy when you hadn't even tried to donate blood has to be just as painful. All my hugs.

I think the "no sex with men" thing has been around since the '80s during the first HIV/AIDS scares, and the people in charge haven't kept up with improving screening techniques and stuff.
The Red Cross site seems really adamant that people who have used needles not prescribed by a physician not donate blood; they list that four times under "HIV/AIDS" and then a fifth time under "Intravenous drug use".
I only ever ran into the "a fit, 165-lb (75 kilos) sixteen-year-old guy can't donate because he's not eighteen, even though that 100-lb (45 kilos) girl who only worked up from that to 110 pounds by eating fast food all month can because she's eighteen" thing.
(I also don't know if I'm allowed because I've had Lyme twice; I don't think it's chronic, but every so often two of the spots I've had Lyme tick bites get inflamed and itchy. At least I'm not anemic anymore, but that only happened because of two months on drugs, first for Lyme, and then for the ulcer the first month of drugs caused.)
Can Europeans donate in Europe? None of you are allowed to donate here, and even people who've spent just a few months there can't.
The restrictions seem a little strict to me. Why can't people be tested for these things and come in with a doctor's note saying "this patient doesn't actually have x, y, or z"?

WHAT! Get that person fired! For feck's sake, isn't it bad enough that we still have this no-gays blood policy without coming down on essentially random gay people who happen to be nearby, which is what she did? Guess what? They screen all donated blood for HIV because to do otherwise would be extremely negligent.

Well, I can understand not wanting to accept blood from somebody who knows they have whatever, a. because it's a waste of time and effort for both parties, and b. because to try to donate blood when you know you have a communicable and/or incurable disease is bad. But, excluding people who have no cause to think they have a disease is stupid and discriminatory. They accept blood from promiscuous and possibly unsafe heterosexual people, but not from monogamous gay men. It does seem that this year there's been a movement to reexamine and modify that outdated policy, though.

Oh, I forgot to say I read Lesbians 101 and it's really cute and I love the first part about not being able to tell anyone's sexuality or preferences by how they look. My only issue was that they said that nowadays heteronormative couples split housework equally. That may be what people know should happen, but in the overwhelming majority of married couples, women do more of the housework than men. That article is British, but this appears to be true for any western country I've seen statistics for. This is partly, but not completely, explained by women being less likely to work outside the home, work fulltime outside the home, or earn as much as men, but even if it could all be explained by that, that's not really a good thing! Also the explanation goes backwards too; can you afford to go out networking to get that promotion if you have to get home to tidy the house and put on the dinner? This has been your daily feminist aside.

Yeah, I did notice that bit and read it as a little idealistic and inaccurate.
If I were married to a woman, I'd want to pay for the house and bills myself but I'd also want to do all the housework myself. I'm bad at sharing things, including responsibilities (and also I want to make sure it's done right, because there's a right way and there's a wrong way to clean a toilet or wash the dishes). No idea how kids would factor in, but I approve of having one stay-at-home parent until the youngest kid is at least going to grade school for the day. And I'd both want to be the stay-at-home parent and the working parent. Maybe I should just clone myself and marry myself, then I'd know I was taking care of things.

Edit: Oh yeah. And women already have enough of a handicap without having additional household chores. I didn't realise it was still this bad even in academia. I was naively supposing academics were the educated, rational sorts who wouldn't continue to subscribe to old biases.

Oh, they recently figured out how to de-differentiate mature cells (skin cells or something) back into stem cells, then make those differentiate into eggs, and then grow healthy mice out of them. In a few years we won't need men or women, just a sample of skin tissue in a petri dish and an artificial womb. Which is kind of creepy because it'd be reminiscent of "Brave New World".

Yeah. Complain. If nothing else you can scare the crap out of her, which may make her think twice before acting like a complete *******. Probably won't, but miracles sometime happen.

Kender... have you ever considered mixing the power of tea and whisky in one glass? Or would the power splinter the glass immediately?

That's a thing, and it doesn't splinter the glasses.

[bluewind95]

That stupid nurse should be fired. Seriously. There's no way that can be ethical. I don't generally advocate for people to lose their jobs, but man. This woman deserves a total ban on the healthcare industry. Even IF there were no confidentiality clauses in the paperwork... confidentiality is supposed to be key in their education. They're supposed to value it. What she did was just plain mean-spirited and I bet she likely is some kind of horrible homophobe. She doesn't deserve to work in the healthcare system with that kind of gross misconduct.

I hope your co-workers get over it, really. It might be a shock to some, but I do hope they're smarter than that. At least most of them.

[Lix Lorn]

Well. Today sucked.

(TIGHT hugs)
I guess you'll learn who's worth talking to at least?

[Asta Kask]

I'm not allowed to donate blood either, but that's because I'm on psychotropic medication. Some of this stuff could really screw a person up if they got it without a habituation period and when they've just been operated on.

[Astrella]

Ugh, I'm really sorry that happened to you, Pair. I hope you don't get too much backlash about it at work and that they can do something about the whole situation. :/

*all of the sympathies*

[Serpentine]

On de division of housework. I'm partly agreeing and partly not. that it happens doesn't make it bad. I admit to have seen a gender inequality between rewards etc. But on the other hand studies have shown that the difference is often put because women tend to go on a sebattical (so to speak) to have and raise kids.

The default response to "women get paid less or are less likely to get hired because they take time off for kids" is almost always "that is a good reason for women to get paid less or to not hire a woman". My response is "well men should get time off for kids too".

[The Succubus]

100% agreement there Serpy. Looking after a newborn is no holiday as my sister recently discovered. Offering men the opportunity to realise it's no holiday either will do more for sexual equality than any number of protests and pamphlets.

On the positive side though, my brother-in-law does actually have some officially recognised paternity leave, so he'll be there for sis and kiddo too.

[Lentrax]

Yeah. Me and the wife are expecting another little one come January. And I can say that it is not fun, but at least she'll be able to get a couple of nights rest a week since I work overnights.

Also, Pair'o'Dice: it occurs to me that if this was under US law, as I believe you said, they would have been required by HIPPA to give you that information up front, and to allow you the chance to deny them from using that information in any public setting. If they did not, it is a serious breach of conduct, and would be grounds for a suit.* So I would really impress this upon that woman's supervisor, especially if you get a lot of harassment at work.

*I am not a lawyer and am therefore basing this opinion off of twenty some odd seasons of Law and Order, common sense, and a year of pre-law courses.