[PitP] Ponythread: The Roleplaying

[Forum Explorer]

CLANG! The purple pony grimaced, and examined the dent in the console. "Discouragement. Mutually assured destruction. A message saying, 'If you come after me, then... well, just don't come after me.'

"Those two, trigger-happy fools! If they hadn't taken a fight, if they'd left when Dive Bomb had told them to, if that idiot of a mad scientist hadn't fired a weapon of mass destruction into a crowded metropolitan area, then we wouldn't have this mess!"

That's silly. If he wasn't a problem then Princess Celestia wouldn't have harmed him. I think your boss has paranoia issues.

Who are these guys anyways? And what about Discord?

Blunt's words were unfortantly interrupted by the shadow's speaking.

AAAAAH! What was that!? Thinking Cap sprung in the air, rotated 180 degrees and landed solidly on his back. He then promptly curled into a ball. The shadows aren't talking to you, that'd be crazy. And you aren't crazy are you Thinking Cap? He muttered to himself as he covered his eyes with his hooves.

[Balmas]

"The fact that you're talking to yourself doesn't really earn in your favor," remarked the purple pony absently. "And you make some valid points about Dive Bomb. However, you think about what is running around, and paranoia starts to look like a valid survival strategy.

"Let's see, you want the villain, dime tour version?" He tapped a few keys, and the forward window darkened before projecting an image of a lab-coat wearing unicorn.

"Irving Boffinspark. Ex-student of Celestia; in my opinion, she chose him as a student to keep him under a closer rein. MO: blast it with friendship lasers, waves of ninja Pinkies, or mutated creatures. Married to a fiery alicorn princess; as a result of pheonix DNA transfusions, can regenerate in fire."

The screen flickered, projecting a different image. "Silent Night. Ghoul, former leader of the Cult of the Pink One. You met him briefly. In his absence, the cult has been lead by his... I think daughter? I'm admittedly fuzzy on the cult details. Methods: Terror, death, destruction, and subsequent reanimation of corpses. Sanity questionable."

The screen shifted again, this time projecting a video of a green pegasus, lavishing attention on an iridescent tube of some sort. "Dive Bomb. My employer and creator, and in some respects my son. Currently researching new ways of protection that don't involve grievous collateral damage."

The pegasus in the image paused in his tinkering, and spoke. "Well, Blunt? Any luck?" He flashed a grin at the camera. "I presume that you're not just calling me to shower praise on me, though that would be fun. Who's your friend?"

Blunt smiled, and nudged Thinking Cap. "Say hello."

[Pokonic]

Done!
Bleakmane reaches out a hoof and pushes gently, toppling the statue backwards through it's own statue.

As the lights went dim again, Bleakmane cackled maniacally.

Huh, this is neeeeee-

"falls from orbit into the general center of Llamabad, next to two camel tourists"


شقيق، مع قدر كبير من السحر، فإننا لا يمكن اسقاط الحظر ورفع المهر عالية أمتنا !

ولكن، كيف يمكن أن نفعل مثل هذا الشيء إذا لم يكن لدينا القوة السحرية الوصول إلى السلطة من لشفط؟

للأسف، أنا لم-

.....

الفوز بالجائزة الكبرى.

دعونا ندعو فليم ابن عم والأكذوبة.

For those unable to get feasble-sounding translations...

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Brother, it is time that we find a way to lift the noose of magical might the ponies hang above us and reclaim indipendance!

But brother, how could find a suitible amount of magical energy to create a self-sufficant power?

Why, I have no-


-...Jackpot.

We must contact our cousins Flim and Flam.

"Meanwhile, Silent has seemingly vanished from his holding area, and all the anti-magic spells in that room have been defiled. Also, Canterlot mount seems to be....glowing."

[Forum Explorer]

I'M NOT CRAZY! Thinking Cap sprung up and pointed his hoof at Blunt.


Hello, I'm Thinking Cap and there was something I wanted to say to you but I can't seem to remember what it was at this exact moment. Thinking Cap rubs his head with one hoof. Anyways do you know where Princess Celestia is.

[Balmas]

I'M NOT CRAZY! Thinking Cap sprung up and pointed his hoof at Blunt.


Hello, I'm Thinking Cap and there was something I wanted to say to you but I can't seem to remember what it was at this exact moment. Thinking Cap rubs his head with one hoof. Anyways do you know where Princess Celestia is.

The pony came around from behind the giant silver tube. "I'm afraid I don't," he murmured. "I wish I did; life would be much easier with a good, powerful, maternal figure. I still need to apologize to her."

He disappeared from the screen, and a few clacking sounds were heard before the screen shifted. Dive Bomb smiled and stepped away from the keyboard. "Luckily, I've been working on a new project." With a final hoofstroke, the camera panned back to reveal a giant octagonal shape, made of the same silvery metal as the tube; conduits ran in a rat's nest of wires to the back.

[Forum Explorer]

Oh? What's that?

[Balmas]

The pegasus grinned widely. "It's an expansion of the matter transference device. What do you know about divergent timelines?"

[Tiki Snakes]

Huh, this is neeeeee-

"falls from orbit into the general center of Llamabad, next to two camel tourists"

I'll be...around.
A shadow whispered in her ear.

[Forum Explorer]

The pegasus grinned widely. "It's an expansion of the matter transference device. What do you know about divergent timelines?"

Ummm, I think Aloe and Lotus had a cream to prevent them from forming. But how would facial beautifying techniques help?

[Tectonic Robot]

What? No chocolate pudding whenever she wanted? The little filly's eyes grew moist, and she dropped to her hooves again, sulking. "All I want is to have chocolate pudding," she said sadly, turning on the puppy eyes. (Everything Blunt knew about sad puppy eyes, he learned through exposure to Athena.)


She held that position for a few seconds: eyes watering, staring sadly at the mean pony who didn't like her, wings dropping almost to the floor, hair limp and saggy. Oh chocolate, would it never be hers?

The expression faltered as a thought occured to her. "Chaos magic? Like Discord?" She looked up pleadingly at the angel. "So, I could conjure up chocolate pudding and chocolate milk?"

((It is too much fun to write for a slightly-evil, cute filly.))

"Not quite like Discord! His brand of chaos magic is different from the fox magic which I emulate. So, um... I don't think so. Anyway, Candles has sort of banned me from teaching you anything until I know you better." Candles mutters something about painting him the bad guy in the corner.

[Pokonic]

I'll be...around.
A shadow whispered in her ear.

Err, thanks.


"Slowly but surely, the statue begins to become cracked."

"Also, meanwhile, Canterlot has a new castle. "

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Hmm, needs more...cultists. What do you think-

Ghoul Scout Daisy Pusher reporting for duty, sir!

-ah, perfect idea. Daisy, please alert your friends to pass out the special batch of cookies to the local towns.

The special batch?

Yes, sweetie, the special batch.

Yes sir!

"Leaves"

....

Oh, what a wonderful Nightmare Night it has been.

Actualy....

I might invite my dear cousin over. It's been too long, realy. I wonder how sweet little Wednesday Night has grown?

[Tectonic Robot]

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Err, thanks.


"Slowly but surely, the statue begins to become cracked."

"Also, meanwhile, Canterlot has a new castle. "

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Hmm, needs more...cultists. What do you think-

Ghoul Scout Daisy Pusher reporting for duty, sir!

-ah, perfect idea. Daisy, please alert your friends to pass out the special batch of cookies to the local towns.

The special batch?

Yes, sweetie, the special batch.

Yes sir!

"Leaves"

....

Oh, what a wonderful Nightmare Night it has been.

Actualy....

I might invite my dear cousin over. It's been too long, realy. I wonder how sweet little Wednesday Night has grown?

Candles happens to look out the window of the airship! "Oh, corpulent corpses... sorry, girl, but it's time me and Sera got going. Give me regards to Cap and Blunt, tell them we'll be back sometime!" He puts a hoof on Sera's tail, holds his amulet tight, and quite suddenly he and the angel are devoid of any color whatsoever... and then simply fade from sight. No magical trail to follow, either!

Meanwhile, quite a ways below the airship... "Alright, long enough break, let's evacuate the villagers before whatever made the castle starts trying to, I 'unno, eat 'em or something."

[Balmas]

The filly stared at the suddenly empty room. "But... But... Chocolaaaaate!"


***

Warning! Warning! Proximity alert!

Blunt tapped at the screen in alarm, and cleared the front viewpane. Where before, there had been a concave depression, filled with working ponies, now stood a tall mountain, reminiscent of the old Canterlot peak, save that the castle on this one was a grotesque mockery of the former's adornment.

"Dive Bomb, we've got company. Magic mountain popped up, looks like cult stuff. Unless I miss my guess, divergent timelines means different dimensions, correct?"

The voice of the scientist came over the intercom. "Correct. What are your thoughts?"

"That means, that thing is a gate of some sort? To other dimensions?"

"Please explain where you're going."

"How large can you make that gate?"

"In theory? As large as is needed... Oh. Ooooooh! I like the way you think!" The intercom cut out as Dive Bomb rushed to prepare the necessary things.


Blunt cracked his knuckles and turned to Thinking Cap. "Have you ever flown a drone before? Course you haven't, we're the only ones that make them. Would you like to fly a drone, help rescue the workers down there?"

[Forum Explorer]

Of course I want to help! Just show me the way!

[Balmas]

Blunt smiled at the pony before him. "Good. Come with me."

***

"This... is the Btech Automated Fighter Drone." And it looked monstrous; a sleek black hull carried back to a large rudder. From the front end, a large cylinder sprouted, promising vicious destruction to whomever got in its way. Shorter tubes hung under its wings; with all the weaponry attached to it, it was a marvel that the thing could still fly. Perhaps most terrifying, though, was the size of the engine nozzles towards the back of the plane; you could fit an entire family of ponies comfortably in each, with room for a spare table and stove.

"Twenty-four grenuke missiles. Top speed of approximately 3.5 times the speed of sound. Vulcan Cannon, fires around ten-thousand rounds per second if there are no jams. Heated leather seats-- very nice in winter."

Blunt pushed a clawed mitt against the side of the drone, and part of the skin turned clear, revealing a small cockpit. "You've got your throttle, your altimeter, your attitude meter, and your trigger. The buttons on either side launch the missiles; whatever you do, don't push them. The explosion radius, while smaller than normal, is still sufficient to cause major harm. Oh, and that red button?" Carefully, Blunt flipped down a plastic screen over it and locked it down. "Don't touch that."

[Forum Explorer]

Don't press any buttons and everything stays unexploded. Got it. Umm, lets get started I guess. If Blunt doesn't stop him Thinking Cap will climb into the cockpit.

[Balmas]

Blunt helped the pony up, providing a nice staircase with his back. "Now, there are two pedals on the floor. Push the right one to go left, and the left one to go right. There's a lever, should fit right between your legs. Pull up to go up, push forward to go down, left to roll left and right to roll right. Don't forget to even out after rolling. Oh, and protip? Flip that red lever when the time comes to land. It extends the landing field."

Blunt set about the business of launching the drone. A dry hum filled the air with electric potential, and Blunt slipped on a headset.

"Cap?" The crackle of Blunt's voice filled the cockpit. "You seem like a good kid. Be careful out there, and have fun! Oh, and don't die. That's good too." With that, he mashed the button to start the ships engines, and the the accelerators in the hold grabbed the ship and flung it out the window at a speed far above "Safe."

[Pokonic]

For whatever reason, a piller of sky rippes itself from the rest and looks at the airship with hunger.

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[Forum Explorer]

Thinking Cap's ship drops like a rock and hurtles towards Canterlot's corrupted good. UP UP! He screams as he pulls frantically on the lever. The drones goes up sharply forcing Thinking Cap back into his seat. Now he was headed directly for the evil sky piller DOWN DOWN! he screamed pushing the lever forward. The drone leveled out at ground level but continued racing forward at an insane speed. LEFT! A sharp roll manages to avoid a house RIGHT! another in the opposite direction barely prevents the roll from crashing into yet another house. Now Thinking Cap found himself headed straight for the front gate of the evil Canterlot Castle.

AAAAAAAAAH! Panicking Thinking Cap smashed the buttons on the side of the console to launch the missiles. The resulting clash between the powerful missiles and the protective spells on the castle tore the gate apart in a fury of flame and smoke. Half a second later his mostly destroyed drone flies out of the smoke and crashes into the Grand Hall of the ECC. With a cough Thinking Cap falls out of the drone.

Infiltrating the evil castle: Check! Despite his pain Thinking Cap smiled. Next step rescuing the Princess! Coughing and limping Thinking Cap made his way to the nearest downwards stairwell.

[Balmas]

"You know that kid's going to die, right?" Blunt chuckled as he watch the trail of smoke corkscrew through the battlefield.

"Maybe he'll get lucky," he told Foundry. The pair winced, watching the mini grenukes lance out, blowing a hole for the drone to pass through. "See? Right there he was lucky that he didn't blow up the mountain again."

The pair contemplated the battlefield, taking in the panicked ponies on the ground, the necromantic dragon, the mass of work to be done. "So can I? Can I?"

The purple pony groaned, paw on face. "Yes. Go man the Friendship Cannons." As the grey pony whooped off down the passage, Blunt lifted a heavily wired helmet off a shelf. "And I get to do the fun part."

Bay doors opened all along the side of the ship, revealing more of the sleek black machines, each armed to the teeth. Blunt smiled as he was fed a wealth of information from each ship, and laughed even more as the ships launched into the air.

[Alabenson]

*shimmering portals open surrounding the demonic sky as a massive hologram of Professor Boffinspark appears over corrupted Canterlot*

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And big finish

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Igor, is this thing on? Ook. Ah, wonderful. Fillies and Gentlecolts! Fear not, for it is I, PROFESSOR BOFFINSPARK! Destroyer of cults and master of all things science and rainbow-colored!

*Meanwhile, in Canterlot Castle*
*a portal opens in front of Thinking Cap, out of which steps an orangutan wearing a strange looking collar*
Ook, *frowns and taps his collar a few times* ookzzzt-thrice blasted contraption. Ah, that's certainly better. Now then, sir, as much as I hate to be the bearer of ill tidings, I feel I must inform you that your current location is, at the moment, exceedingly unsafe.
That is to say, you are currently standing at what will soon be the epicenter of what will likely be a hideously destructive battle. *sigh* They all seem to turn out that way...

*Also Meanwhile*
*a portal appears underneath the petrified Nightcore, depositing her inside a strange laboratory surrounded by ominous glass spheres*
And there she is, Miss...Glory, wasn't it? Anyway, while Boffinspark's distracted by his latest stupidity we should be able to use this to restore your friend back to normal. Or as close to normal as she ever was, anyway.
You see, Boffinspark built this contraption back when Celestia first handed Discord over to him. It was supposed to rip something Boffinspark called the "Elements of Disharmony" right out of him, but he never actually tried using it. Supposedly, Boffinspark was worried that taking out any of the "Elements of Disharmony" would release Discord in the process, but since that's what we're trying with your friend I figure it won't be a problem.
Shall we start it up?

[Tiki Snakes]

You remember when I said, Nightcore, that I hadn't the faintest idea how to unpetrify you? Well. I really should have warned you, but Vampires are habitual liars.
A shadow flickered across the Statuficated Draconequus and the stone of the statue exploded violently, sending rugged chunks of shrapnel smashing through the glass spheres. A thick cloud of stone-dust cleared quickly, revealing an unharmed and fully restored Nightcore.

Free again.

Play nice, children.

[Alabenson]

*looks around as the lab's alarms begin to sound* Oh good, the vampire smashed the control spheres, so now the stupid thing's going to rip your friend's entire metaphysical being apart. The draconequus energy over there, her magic over there, her soul over there...there is good news, however;
Thanks to a combination of my having to watch over Boffinspark and copious amounts of alcohol, this sort of thing just doesn't phase me anymore.

[Forum Explorer]

Thinking Cap stares at the ape for a few seconds before sniffing. Well I don't smell anything other then stale rainbows and something rotting. So this furry little monster must be a hallucination. Thinking Cap quickly stuffs his own hoof in his mouth.

Not a hallucination! Only crazy ponies see things like that! And I'm not crazy! I-it must be some sort of ummm illusion. Yeah! An illusion that tries to scare me away! Well it'll take more then a cheap trick like that to stop me from finding Princess Celestia!

With that Thinking Cap limps past the orangutan.

[Tectonic Robot]

"...So, basically, that's the deal. Any questions? No? OK then! Who wants out?" A field of hooves lift in the air. "...Right. Everyone does. Sera, how many ponies are here?" The angel pony floats back down, face twisted with nervousness. "All of them from the surrounding towns, Candles. I don't think there's a single pony missing! Also... a giant head made of stars is trying to eat the airship, and I think Thinking Cap just flew into the evil castle of death."

Candles *blinkblinks*. "Thinking Cap did that? Oh, corpulent corpses... alright, I'll get the villagers to safety, you... try and make sure he stays safe, OK?" Sera nods and flies off towards the castle, even as Candles starts the long and ardous work of dimensionally shifting large amounts of defenseless pony villagers.

[Balmas]

Dozens of drones fed their information to the control helmet, sending a river of numbers dancing through the laughing pony's brain. He shifted through the information, his claws pushing sparkling streams of data, every twitch reflected by the drones outside. A squad converged on the dragon, streams of light slicing into and through it.

Towards the front of the ship, another pony chortled maniacally as his hooves danced a tarantella on the control system of the Friendship cannons. The two swivel mounted guns turned, responding swiftly to his inputs, painted the scenery with an iridescent glow as they lanced into the open mouth of the dragon.

[Pokonic]

Huh....whoa! No, my powers! All that planning, for naught! Nooooooo!


...Hey, are those two dead camels?

"Meanwhile"

Oh. Oh gods. Canterlot is going to be obliterated.

Again.

"Scoots over to Relgin"
"Also meanwhile, every single beam of bloody friendship dissapates before it hits the marble. The grenades do nothing. All Cap sees is a dead city, a broken drone, and the wonderful night sky."

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Idiot. The fool has no idea whats going on, does he?

Honestly, I am sick of his "airship". Or those silly "mechines". Honestly, there is nothing a good-ol wave of magic cannot solve.

So, why not break it?


Welcome to the anti-tech zone, Boffenspark. Celestia herself crafted this, in case the progress of science grew to the point that the only thing that could save her kingdom was to obliterate anything more advanced than a plow. Enjoy the feeling of your oh-so importent computers scramble and shut down, and your cybernetics go stiff. Actualy, if your quick enough, you might be able to teliport into another part of the universe before Equestria is sent back into the paleopony period.

Or not.


Eh.


I would want to see the look on your face as your pride and joy crumbles under you, but then I realise I could just bring back your shrieking soul.

Die, why wont you. You bore me now. All lazors and ninjas. No innovation. To think, thats what I thought you were around for. To innovate. Your a one-trick pony. Adapt or die. Amuse me. Go to your wife or..... something. You have a dragon-friend, correct? Send him to fight me or somesuch. Bleugh.


I thought being empowered directly from the divine was supposed to be....empowering. I just feel empty inside.

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"Also, meanwhile, the star-dragon roars, spewing a cloud of stardust at the airship."

[Balmas]

One by one, the feeds cut out, and Blunt dropped out of the void, feeling the wash of magnetism come over him. "A localized EMP burst," he muttered, ripping off the helmet. That would probably knock out the zeppelin's steering, and the motors that led the ammunition to the friendship cannons. He strode over to the one remaining drone in the ship and began ripping missiles from their racks. Bending to examine one sphere as he tore it from the missile's framework, he smiled; the swirling ball of antimatter still danced inside its glass shell.

"The systems are down," Foundry informed him as Blunt entered the bridge. "We'll stay afloat, but the jets will have to be manually restarted. Steering is gone, though we could probably jury-rig some kind of wire assembly."

"You work on that," Blunt said distractedly, working to strap the cannibalized grenukes to his limbs.

"What are you going to do?" asked the grey pony, pulling some wire from the console and twisting it up with itself.

"Something stupid," grinned the golem. He inserted the two grenukes that refused to fit on his arms into his mouth, and hopped out the airlock.

It was a long way to drop. The ground was hard.

Blunt was harder.

[Alabenson]

Wait, are you actually saying you've activated the anti-technology protocols, with the intent of using them against ME?!
...
*snrk* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH THIS IS TOO FUNNY! Those protocols are a world-shatteringly powerful weapon, constructed using a combination of mad science and eldritch magic. Who do you think designed the stupid things in the first place? Every last piece of my technology, down to the last friendship capacitor, was built to withstand that field. You may as well be standing underneath my airship making faces at it for all the good it will do you.

But I will admit, you're right about one thing; I have been a bit lax in my efforts to send you into oblivion. However, I have developed something completely new for you to enjoy, and by enjoy I mean suffer in unspeakable agony. As you may recall, some time ago I accidently exposed myself to the retrovirus responsible for Dive Bomb's daughter's...condition. Due to my previous gene-splicing experiments, however, the retrovirus' visual effects have been supressed.
*a pair of burning wings extend from Professor Boffinspark's back*
Until now. Inspired by this turn of events, I've developed an entirely new form of energy formed from a combination of positive energy-infused pheonix fire and pure, unadulterated love.
Love by itself was enough to swat away the queen of the changelings like a common fly, what chance do you think you have against it?

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[Pokonic]

Blunt hit the ground, very very hard.

Alas, he should have checked the bombs. The antimatter harmlessly disapated from there containers long before he hit the ground.

To be fair, the containers shattered, so something got hurt in his attempt at distroying Canter-Not.