[PitP] Ponythread: The Roleplaying

[Dark Elf Bard]

*eyes widen*

Isn't this the way to Appleloosa?

Where am I?

[Tiki Snakes]

Hey, Canterlot was probably cleared of civilians well before I dropped the replacement mountain on its remains!

"You mean the dark and twisted echo of Canterlot that appeared in place of the massive ruined crater where Canterlot used to sit before science! happened to it and it exploded? Did that even have civilians in it? Mysterious Shadow-Clone-Opposites only count if they have at least rudimentary free will. It's a rule." the voice drifts from no-where in particular or possibly somewhere near Boffenspark.

"What were they calling that place again? Canter-Not? I'm sure I heard some funny little undead using the name at some point. I do so lose track."

Boffinspark's shadow appears to raise a cylindrical object to it's mouth and a sound like someone noisily drinking through a straw is heard briefly.

"As mysteriously appearing ghostly castles go, it was a pretty decent effort. I mean, I've seen better but it was pretty good considering it didn't have it's own unearthly pseudo-awareness or more dimensions inside it than exist in the outside world or anything fun like that."

[Edit - Anyone who is utterly lost, feel free to ask for clarifications in the OOC thread.]

[Pokonic]

You...two.

Charnel.

Party girl.

Demonspawn.

Worst foalsitter in Equestrian History.

Sociopathic nillist.

Grunge-covered nitwit.

Foul cloud of hot air.

Hedonist.

Fluffy!

I am not fluffy!

Yes you are!

Get out of me!
...

You've grown. It's been like what, a week?

I think it's been a few months, actually.

Little less than two weeks. Lot's of time anomolies with things like you running around, Charnel.

And you'r utterly free of blame?

....

Yes.


...Glory?

....

Don't lie to yourself. Those overgrown bugs that attacked Canterlot were closer to ponies than you are. The fact you are a shapeshifter proves that.

Do you wish to do anything about it?

...No.

Good. Now, say hello to Daisy.

Hi there!

...

Huh, she is pretty cute.

Ah yes, well, you see, I was rushing to...greet my guest here *puts his hoof around Foundry's shoulders*, when, lo and behold, your daughter Charnel showed up.
And then my water elementals came in, and after that I lost track of what was going on.

Ah. I suppose that makes sense, besides the fact it does not at all.

Sister? Translation?

Wait, those were mares?! But...one of them had a moustache and...ugh.

Make's you wonder, doesn't it?

Nightcore, be nice.

*shrugs* I've never really thought about it, to be honest. My feelings on the matter have always been that as long as they obey me, and the massive numbers of muscle-controling nanites I inject into each and every one of them ensure that they do, then the question of their souls can be left to more spiritually inclined ponies.

....What. If you can do that, why even bother with the monsters and not just build robots?

Well, to be fair, Pyria made me shut off most of the automatic defenses when she learned her sister was coming to visit. I think she said something about not wanting to start a war by accident.

And she didn't expect her to be, of, infested with the Nightmare or something? For shame, Boffenspark ,your growing soft.

Hey, Canterlot was probably cleared of civilians well before I dropped the replacement mountain on its remains!

Heh, whatever floats your boat, Boffie.


...

Wait, wasn't there another pony that claimed to be your kid who showed up during that?

Really, bringing that up?

What are she talking about, miss?

It was before your time,sweetie.

OH SWEET CELESTIA, THE BRAIN-EATING ABOMINATION IS FOLLOWING ME! EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!
*opens a portal and leaps through it as it closes behind him*

Hey, I take offence to th-

Why are you looking at me like that, miss fire pony?

-heh. Really? This little thing? He's scared of you?
...

Do I know you?

...

No?
...

Eh, fair enough.

*eyes widen*

Isn't this the way to Appleloosa?

Where am I?

Charnel quickly condences into a far smaller, more ponylike form, and trots near the newcomer.

Spoiler

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Your in Tartarus, damned for all eternity! Te-he~

"What were they calling that place again? Canter-Not? I'm sure I heard some funny little undead using the name at some point. I do so lose track."

Boffinspark's shadow appears to raise a cylindrical object to it's mouth and a sound like someone noisily drinking through a straw is heard briefly.

"As mysteriously appearing ghostly castles go, it was a pretty decent effort. I mean, I've seen better but it was pretty good considering it didn't have it's own unearthly pseudo-awareness or more dimensions inside it than exist in the outside world or anything fun like that."

You. Er, hello? I think we have met before?

[Alabenson]

*eyes widen*

Isn't this the way to Appleloosa?

Where am I?

*a voice crackles over the intercom*
You, my dear filly, are aboard the flying laboratory-slash-airship fortress of THE GREAT PROFESSOR BOFFINSPARK! Which is currently flying above what will eventually become New Canterlot.
(Not a particularly imaginative name, I admit, but it should give the angry, displaced locals a calming sense of continuity.)

Now, I think I can help you get to wherever it is that you're headed, but first I'll need you to sign some release forms. Just a small legal technicality, mind you, nothing to worry about. *a portal opens in front of Cinder, depositing a thick contract at her hooves*
It's really all just silly legal boilerplate for insurance purposes, that many references to "complete molecular destabalization" is the norm for all sorts of contracts nowadays.

"You mean the dark and twisted echo of Canterlot that appeared in place of the massive ruined crater where Canterlot used to sit before science! happened to it and it exploded? Did that even have civilians in it? Mysterious Shadow-Clone-Opposites only count if they have at least rudimentary free will. It's a rule." the voice drifts from no-where in particular or possibly somewhere near Boffenspark.

HAH! See? I would have been utterly within my rights to annihilate Silent Night's little attempt at urban renewal!
I like you, strangely menacing shadow pony creature about whom I know distressingly little.

Ah. I suppose that makes sense, besides the fact it does not at all.

Sister? Translation?

*sighs* In all likelihood that incoherent babbling was Boffie's way of saying he tried to kill most of the ponies in that hallway, and he's not certain if we'll be angry at him for doing so.

....What. If you can do that, why even bother with the monsters and not just build robots?

Why create giant, barely controlable monsters out of magically atomic energy?
BECAUSE SCIENCE! THAT'S WHY!

Hey, I take offence to th-

Why are you looking at me like that, miss fire pony?

-heh. Really? This little thing? He's scared of you?
...

Do I know you?

...

No?
...

Eh, fair enough.

I'm not scared.
I just happen to be acutely aware of the fact that, as Equestria's greatest master of magicience, my brains are extra delicious, that's all.

[Balmas]

Why create giant, barely controlable monsters out of magically atomic energy?
BECAUSE SCIENCE! THAT'S WHY!

Curiosity strides up to Boffinspark and places a hoof on his shoulder warmly. "You know, I think you and I are going to be great friends. Would you care to join me in blowing up a mountain to see how far the pieces go?"

[Alabenson]

Curiosity strides up to Boffinspark and places a hoof on his shoulder warmly. "You know, I think you and I are going to be great friends. Would you care to join me in blowing up a mountain to see how far the pieces go?"

Would I? I'm three steps and a few thousand tons of explosives ahead of you, my friend! *slams hoof down on a large red button*

Spoiler

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And I'd like to take this opportunity to assure those simpering "ethical" observer that no ponies were likely caught in the preceding explosion.

Several thousand changelings may have, but you can't make an omelette without turning a few chickens into giant, ravening abominations unto nature.

[Tiki Snakes]

"Hmm. I always rather liked Mountains. Seems such a waste to blow one up just for something as meaningless as science. Sorry, Science! My pronunciation is terrible lately." the directionally hazy disembodied voice mused.

"So, as we're in an airship I take it you're going to go, like, science the mountain you blew up now? I mean, you blew up the whole mountain, you might as well do it properly, right? With lab coats and field trips and stuff?"

[Pokonic]

[QUOTE=Alabenson;15119434]
Now, I think I can help you get to wherever it is that you're headed, but first I'll need you to sign some release forms. Just a small legal technicality, mind you, nothing to worry about.[/I] *a portal opens in front of Cinder, depositing a thick contract at her hooves*
It's really all just silly legal boilerplate for insurance purposes, that many references to "complete molecular destabalization" is the norm for all sorts of contracts nowadays.[/COLOR]


Daym Boffenspark, that's cold. Forcing legal crap on foals. Even I wouldn't do that.

I would, but I would say it properly.

When did you become hard on cursing?

Whats a daym?

.....

Crap, sorry about that.

*sighs* In all likelihood that incoherent babbling was Boffie's way of saying he tried to kill most of the ponies in that hallway, and he's not certain if we'll be angry at him for doing so.

Huh, you don't sound very enthusiatic. Frankly, it's been too long since I have had a decent brawl. This place is fire proof, right?

Why create giant, barely controlable monsters out of magically atomic energy?
BECAUSE SCIENCE! THAT'S WHY!

Hey Boffie, is science is so good, why hasn't anyone else come up with what you have yet? If you can't notice, I could liquify you with sound waves. If I wanted too, I could just enchant a rock to inhance said sound waves.

"Hmm. I always rather liked Mountains. Seems such a waste to blow one up just for something as meaningless as science. Sorry, Science! My pronunciation is terrible lately." the directionally hazy disembodied voice mused.

"So, as we're in an airship I take it you're going to go, like, science the mountain you blew up now? I mean, you blew up the whole mountain, you might as well do it properly, right? With lab coats and field trips and stuff?"

Uh, hello. Sir? Please?

I'm not scared.
I just happen to be acutely aware of the fact that, as Equestria's greatest master of magicience, my brains are extra delicious, that's all.

Huh, thats a new one.

Can I try?

...

What, sweetie?

His brains.

No, sweetie.

Wait, are you telling me-

Lets all get cookies.

Ehh, works for me.

Yay!

You are all weird. You know, I might take the little one named Cinder with us. I need a pet.

[Alabenson]

"Hmm. I always rather liked Mountains. Seems such a waste to blow one up just for something as meaningless as science. Sorry, Science! My pronunciation is terrible lately." the directionally hazy disembodied voice mused.

"So, as we're in an airship I take it you're going to go, like, science the mountain you blew up now? I mean, you blew up the whole mountain, you might as well do it properly, right? With lab coats and field trips and stuff?"

Bah, that mountain had to be demolished anyway; it was completely infested with changelings!

And I'll have you know that I've already sent a survey team comprised of several of my clones to perform SCIENCE! on the wreckage.

Daym Boffenspark, that's cold. Forcing legal crap on foals. Even I wouldn't do that.

I would, but I would say it properly.

When did you become hard on cursing?

Whats a daym?

.....

Crap, sorry about that.

Hmph, and I suppose it would be better to follow your example and merely expose her to the...whatever it is you cultists do.
Also, watch your language, young filly, or I will construct an Orbital Soapy Water Cannon to wash your mouth out with.

Hey Boffie, is science is so good, why hasn't anyone else come up with what you have yet? If you can't notice, I could liquify you with sound waves. If I wanted too, I could just enchant a rock to inhance said sound waves.

Ah yes, your vaunted sound waves of destruction. Listen carefully, young mare, and I will show you what true horror sounds like. *flips a switch on the PA system*

OOK OOOOOOK OOK OOOOOOK EEK OOOOOOK EEK OOOOK OOK OOK * indecipherable shrieking and howling*

Igor is an ape of many talents, but singing anything by Whinny Houston has never been one of them.

Huh, you don't sound very enthusiatic. Frankly, it's been too long since I have had a decent brawl. This place is fire proof, right?

Our ship is of course fireproof, but I've been told that in my condition-
...
Oh dear...computer, initiate Protocol 11 immediately.

[Tiki Snakes]

Uh, hello. Sir? Please?

"Huh? Who? What? Sorry, spotty reception. I wasn't paying attention. The dog ate it?" The voice paused.
"Um, I mean to say, what was the question? I seem to have missed it in all this Science!"

Bah, that mountain had to be demolished anyway; it was completely infested with changelings!

And I'll have you know that I've already sent a survey team comprised of several of my clones to perform SCIENCE! on the wreckage.

"Huh. Clones, eh? You ever have trouble with your clones disagreeing who the true Boffinspark is?" The voice asks, chirpily. "Nevermind, they don't have to have all the fun, I can give you a quick view of the Science! from here, no problem."

Spoiler

Show

The ghostly window hovers infront of Boffinspark, flashing over ruined structures, broken bodies and assorted devastation.

[Pokonic]

Bah, that mountain had to be demolished anyway; it was completely infested with changelings!

And I'll have you know that I've already sent a survey team comprised of several of my clones to perform SCIENCE! on the wreckage.

Ah.

That's horrible, Boffenspark. Do you know how many Changeling hives are left?

Science? Can you eat that?

Hmph, and I suppose it would be better to follow your example and merely expose her to the...whatever it is you cultists do.
Also, watch your language, young filly, or I will construct an Orbital Soapy Water Cannon to wash your mouth out with.

Okay.

Take.Back.The.Cultist.Comment.

Boffenspark, I would advise you not to do that. I am not entirely sure just how much water pressure her thin skin could withstand.

Ah yes, your vaunted sound waves of destruction. Listen carefully, young mare, and I will show you what true horror sounds like. *flips a switch on the PA system*

OOK OOOOOOK OOK OOOOOOK EEK OOOOOOK EEK OOOOK OOK OOK * indecipherable shrieking and howling*

Igor is an ape of many talents, but singing anything by Whinny Houston has never been one of them.

Igor...I...I actually trusted you.

Mommy! Make it stop!

Heh.

...

Stop looking at me that way, Glory.

She just called me mommy, and you little monster, you just ruined this moment for me.

Sorry?

Why are you here, anyway?

I can.

Our ship is of course fireproof, but I've been told that in my condition-
...
Oh dear...computer, initiate Protocol 11 immediately.

Oh, what is Protocol 11?

...

Oh. Shoot.

This isn't good. Er, sister, if you wish, we could wait off on the traditinal fire elemental court way of dealing with the only-two-heirs-at-a-time thing if we just decide to make me queen right now. Remember that thing dad droned on and on about? Something about a archaic law preventing the youngest taking the throne without the a older siblings permission or something is stopping me.

I mean, we could wait after the...twins, I think.

Wait.

If that's the case, this just got really, really awkward.

"Huh? Who? What? Sorry, spotty reception. I wasn't paying attention. The dog ate it?" The voice paused.
"Um, I mean to say, what was the question? I seem to have missed it in all this Science!"

....

I was the statue. Nice village you got, anyway.

[Alabenson]

"Huh. Clones, eh? You ever have trouble with your clones disagreeing who the true Boffinspark is?" The voice asks, chirpily.

That's an excellent question. Let me answer it with another question: Do you think I implanted small but extremely powerful explosive charges at the base of all of my clone's skull's because I enjoyed it? You're darn right I did! Best weekend of SCIENCE! I had in months!
It also helps keep the arguing about who's in charge to a minimum.

"Nevermind, they don't have to have all the fun, I can give you a quick view of the Science! from here, no problem."

Spoiler

Show

The ghostly window hovers infront of Boffinspark, flashing over ruined structures, broken bodies and assorted devastation.

If you're trying to elicit some sort of guilt response from me you can think again. Changelings are evil monsters bent on devouring all of Equestria's love and friendship, it says so right here in this pamphlet put out by the Crystal Empire Royal Society for the Elimination of Changelings Who Tried to Ruin My Wedding I'll Teach Those Stupid Bugs to Throw Me In a Cave MUAHAHAHAHA!
And if the CERSECWTRMWITTSBTMICM tells me that I need to blow up a mountain full of sentient creatures for the good of Equestria, then who am I to argue?

Ah.

That's horrible, Boffenspark. Do you know how many Changeling hives are left?

One fewer than yesterday! HAH!
Get me declared an outlaw, will they? I'll show those shape-shifting freaks what happens when you mess with a stallion armed with a bloated, out of control weapons budget and too much time on his hooves!

Okay.

Take.Back.The.Cultist.Comment.

Boffenspark, I would advise you not to do that. I am not entirely sure just how much water pressure her thin skin could withstand.

Actually, the little monster whom I was threatening was my foul-mouthed niece. We have impressionable little ones running around, and since Silent Night isn't around to parentally abuse her properly, it falls to me to correct her potty-mouth. Via orbital weaponry if necessary.

Igor...I...I actually trusted you.

Mommy! Make it stop!

Heh.

And this, fillies and gentlecolts, is why I wanted to install a breathalyzer on the karaoke system. One bottle of banana schnapps and the accursed ape thinks he's Sealine Dion.

Oh, what is Protocol 11?

...

Oh. Shoot.

This isn't good. Er, sister, if you wish, we could wait off on the traditinal fire elemental court way of dealing with the only-two-heirs-at-a-time thing if we just decide to make me queen right now. Remember that thing dad droned on and on about? Something about a archaic law preventing the youngest taking the throne without the a older siblings permission or something is stopping me.

I mean, we could wait after the...twins, I think.

Wait.

If that's the case, this just got really, really awkward.

Sister, as much as I'd normally enjoy arguing succession law with you, I need to get to the infirmary, NOW!

*Meanwhile*
ATTENTION! PROTOCOL 11 IS NOW IN EFFECT! PROTOCOL 11 IS NOW IN EFFECT! ARE YOU EXCITED 'CAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED WELL EXCEPT FOR THE TIME THE PROFESSOR BLEW UP THAT MOUNTAIN AND I WENT *GASP* BUT REALLY WHAT COULD TOP THAT?

Huh, protocol 11? *takes out a large book* Let's see...Protocol 8: The clones are rebelling...Protocol 9: Tomatoes are sentient and on a killing spree...Protocol 10: A killer AI has escaped into the mainframe and is about to kill us all...Ah, here it is, Protocol 11! *reads*
...
...
If you'll all excuse me, I have an important screaming panic attack to attend to.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Tiki Snakes]

"Guilt response? Why on earth would I try to get a guilt response from you? You went to the trouble of Blowing up a mountain, I figured it was only fair you get to see the results. Did you not want to see the blown up mountain or something?" The voice asked.

"What would you do, by the way, if you found someone had implanted an explosive device at the base of your skull? Not that I would want to interrupt a good screaming panic attack or anything."

"Delicious panic..."

....

I was the statue. Nice village you got, anyway.

"Uh...which is to say, Statue? I wouldn't know anything about that, being as I am the spirit of something or other. I don't know, let's say the Spirit of Mildly Insulting Charitable Gestures. That's me. The apparently really manly spirit of Mildly Insulting and/or Patronising Charitable Gestures. You're clearly thinking of some kind of Darkly Mysterious and Staggeringly Beautiful Space Princess."

[Pokonic]

One fewer than yesterday! HAH!
Get me declared an outlaw, will they? I'll show those shape-shifting freaks what happens when you mess with a stallion armed with a bloated, out of control weapons budget and too much time on his hooves!

Your a monster.

Actually, the little monster whom I was threatening was my foul-mouthed niece. We have impressionable little ones running around, and since Silent Night isn't around to parentally abuse her properly, it falls to me to correct her potty-mouth. Via orbital weaponry if necessary.

That's not very nice. Let's not talk about him like that.
....

Bawahahaha! I said it with a straight face!

Oh, your just upset because your mother never loved you.

Your mother, according to you, is a monster version of Infernia who never stopped hugging things.

Your mother is dead.

Shut up. Hmmf.

Besides, he never abused me.

What, he never fed you to a hydra? Sucked out your soul and put it in a jar? Inhabited your body for a bit?

...

Two out of three an't bad, is it?

Ladies, can we stop talking about how that old dead priest touc-

Please refrase that.

Really? You went there? For shame.

What priest?

-hurt you, and get on with the fact that Boffenspark is ready to kill us?

And this, fillies and gentlecolts, is why I wanted to install a breathalyzer on the karaoke system. One bottle of banana schnapps and the accursed ape thinks he's Sealine Dion.

For the sake of the varying gods of the world, do something with that ape. Put in a new set of vocal cords or something.

Sister, as much as I'd normally enjoy arguing succession law with you, I need to get to the infirmary, NOW!

But while I like being a princess, I wish to be a queen.

"Raises hooves in a hugging motion"

I could, um , help.

*Meanwhile*
ATTENTION! PROTOCOL 11 IS NOW IN EFFECT! PROTOCOL 11 IS NOW IN EFFECT! ARE YOU EXCITED 'CAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED WELL EXCEPT FOR THE TIME THE PROFESSOR BLEW UP THAT MOUNTAIN AND I WENT *GASP* BUT REALLY WHAT COULD TOP THAT?

Huh, protocol 11? *takes out a large book* Let's see...Protocol 8: The clones are rebelling...Protocol 9: Tomatoes are sentient and on a killing spree...Protocol 10: A killer AI has escaped into the mainframe and is about to kill us all...Ah, here it is, Protocol 11! *reads*
...
...
If you'll all excuse me, I have an important screaming panic attack to attend to.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh dear.

You think Silent might show up?

Why...why do you say that?

Well, you got to admit he probably threatened to take over Boffenspark's offspring once or twice.

Three times, actually, but he's dead. Gone. Even the Nightmare said so.

Huh. I said that?

...

That was a smoother possession than I imagined was possible.

Ah, not really.

Oh, oh goddesses.

Yes?

That wasn't a request.

Oh.

...

Divine bluntness, heh. So, why are you here?

This place amuses me so. Also, while I never got around to making Boffenspark give me his firstborn, it always helps if I simply wander around a bit.

So, wait, Charnel really was...

Yes and no. You see, while Silent was quite willing to fight for me, Charnel is a better host.

"Uh...which is to say, Statue? I wouldn't know anything about that, being as I am the spirit of something or other. I don't know, let's say the Spirit of Mildly Insulting Charitable Gestures. That's me. The apparently really manly spirit of Mildly Insulting and/or Patronising Charitable Gestures. You're clearly thinking of some kind of Darkly Mysterious and Staggeringly Beautiful Space Princess."

Who is this?

Did you try to kill me once?

Oh, go away.

Perhapes it is best if you follow the rules of politeness and tell us who you are.

[Alabenson]

"What would you do, by the way, if you found someone had implanted an explosive device at the base of your skull? Not that I would want to interrupt a good screaming panic attack or anything."

"Delicious panic..."

Likely remind them that, thanks to my infusion of phoenix DNA, I would simply regenerate from an injury like that. Shortly after I obliterated them via orbital bombardment, of course.

Your a monster.

I have every legitimate reason to despise changelings as much as I despise cultists, and as of yet I've never performed highly dangerous experiments on changelings.
Actually, that gives me an idea. Note to self; start performing highly dangerous experiments on changelings.

That's not very nice. Let's not talk about him like that.
....

Bawahahaha! I said it with a straight face!

Oh, your just upset because your mother never loved you.

Your mother, according to you, is a monster version of Infernia who never stopped hugging things.

Your mother is dead.

Shut up. Hmmf.

Besides, he never abused me.

What, he never fed you to a hydra? Sucked out your soul and put it in a jar? Inhabited your body for a bit?

...

Two out of three an't bad, is it?

Ladies, can we stop talking about how that old dead priest touc-

Please refrase that.

Really? You went there? For shame.

What priest?

-hurt you, and get on with the fact that Boffenspark is ready to kill us?

Wait, I want to what now?

But while I like being a princess, I wish to be a queen.

"Raises hooves in a hugging motion"

I could, um , help.

Your...help won't be needed. Thankfully I've already made preparations for this day.
*a portal opens up overhead, depositing a drunken and confused Igor on the floor*

Oook?

*sigh* Argelfraster

OO-*sound of an orangutan exploding, then regenerating in a burst of flame*
ooOk...

And now that you're sober...INFIRMARY! NOW!

Oh dear.

You think Silent might show up?

Why...why do you say that?

Well, you got to admit he probably threatened to take over Boffenspark's offspring once or twice.

Three times, actually, but he's dead. Gone. Even the Nightmare said so.

Huh. I said that?

...

That was a smoother possession than I imagined was possible.

Ah, not really.

Oh, oh goddesses.

Yes?

That wasn't a request.

Oh.

...

Divine bluntness, heh. So, why are you here?

This place amuses me so. Also, while I never got around to making Boffenspark give me his firstborn, it always helps if I simply wander around a bit.

So, wait, Charnel really was...

Yes and no. You see, while Silent was quite willing to fight for me, Charnel is a better host.

*the air erupts with cackling laughter*
My my my, so the Nightmare slinks back. Tell me, how was your trip to Prance?

[Pokonic]

I have every legitimate reason to despise changelings as much as I despise cultists, and as of yet I've never performed highly dangerous experiments on changelings.
Actually, that gives me an idea. Note to self; start performing highly dangerous experiments on changelings.

I... "sigh"

Wait, I want to what now?

Oh, well, we missed that bullet. Heh.

....

Really.

This place really is quite amusing.

Whats going on?

Your brain cells are slowly decaying and you are dying a little more ea...

Wait.

What are you talking about, miss?

Oh. Your one of them.

Your...help won't be needed. Thankfully I've already made preparations for this day.
*a portal opens up overhead, depositing a drunken and confused Igor on the floor*

Oook?

*sigh* Argelfraster

OO-*sound of an orangutan exploding, then regenerating in a burst of flame*
ooOk...

And now that you're sober...INFIRMARY! NOW!

Brutal, but effective.

Here, sister, let me try.

YO DOC, GET A NINJA OVER HERE, YOUR WIFE IS ABOUT TO POP!

*the air erupts with cackling laughter*
My my my, so the Nightmare slinks back. Tell me, how was your trip to Prance?

....

Oh, this isn't good.

Do I know you? Did I miss a memo from the High One's again?

Same here.

Wait, wha-

Later.

Hey there mista, where are you? You sound funny and smell like potatos!

[Alabenson]

I... "sigh"

Oh come now, my animosity towards cultists can't possibly come as a surprise. For Celestia's sake, I must have hideously mutated at least half of Silent's followers just getting my alicornization retrovirus perfected.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have pressing business elsewhere. *steps through a portal*

Brutal, but effective.

Here, sister, let me try.

YO DOC, GET A NINJA OVER HERE, YOUR WIFE IS ABOUT TO POP!

*steps out of a portal* You needn't shout you-

STOP FOOLING AROUND AND GET ME TO THE INFIRMARY YOU IDIOT!

Yes dear! Right away, dear! Oh dear...

....

Oh, this isn't good.

Do I know you? Did I miss a memo from the High One's again?

Same here.

Wait, wha-

Later.

Hey there mista, where are you? You sound funny and smell like potatos!

Oh, I don't think we've met personally, but you could say that you're familiar with my teacher. Hehehehe, oh yes, very familiar. In the meantime, I'm happy to say that even though Silent Night decided to be a stick in the mud regarding pasta oriented soul binding, I found somepony else who practically leapt at the chance to come back.
*the air in front of Nightcore shimmers as a large baking dish pops into existence*
BEHOLD MY CREATION, THE DREADED KING LASAMBRA!

BLARG! *snarl* CRYSTALS! *the lasagna in the dish crawls out onto the floor* SLAVES CRYSTALS!

...
You know, I don't know why I thought that would be at all menacing.

[Pokonic]

Oh come now, my animosity towards cultists can't possibly come as a surprise. For Celestia's sake, I must have hideously mutated at least half of Silent's followers just getting my alicornization retrovirus perfected.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have pressing business elsewhere. *steps through a portal*

I...normaly I would start screaming and question why somepony would even think about doing that, but it's Boffenspark so I am just going to shake my head slowly.

*steps out of a portal* You needn't shout you-

STOP FOOLING AROUND AND GET ME TO THE INFIRMARY YOU IDIOT!

Yes dear! Right away, dear! Oh dear...

Oh dear indeed, it looks like she has a entire family of elk in there.

Oh, I don't think we've met personally, but you could say that you're familiar with my teacher. Hehehehe, oh yes, very familiar. In the meantime, I'm happy to say that even though Silent Night decided to be a stick in the mud regarding pasta oriented soul binding, I found somepony else who practically leapt at the chance to come back.
*the air in front of Nightcore shimmers as a large baking dish pops into existence*
BEHOLD MY CREATION, THE DREADED KING LASAMBRA!

BLARG! *snarl* CRYSTALS! *the lasagna in the dish crawls out onto the floor* SLAVES CRYSTALS!

...
You know, I don't know why I thought that would be at all menacing.

...Well, I have seen worse things, but this ranks up there between the corpse carnival and getting possessed. Where the heck is Relgen?

Kill it kill it kill it!

Whoever you are, you are a idiot. A idiot with phenominal spellcasting prowess, but still a idiot.

I agree with the minor cuthonic entity.

[Tiki Snakes]

Who is this?

Did you try to kill me once?

Oh, go away.

Perhapes it is best if you follow the rules of politeness and tell us who you are.

"I make it my cardinal rule not to follow rules. It's a good rule, because you can't really break it, you see?" The voice shared, helpfully.
"I'd be very surprised if I had tried to kill you, whatever it was that you are. We're on a strict non-interference stance in this funny little multiversal shard. Also I am comfortable in myself and do not need to confirm my self-image via opposition. Or something, I forget how the shrink phrased it. Also, everyone knows that food based necromancy is always and without exception a terrible idea. The cooking and preparation ruins the componants of the base form, leaving the whole thing dependent purely on the magical energies involved, at which point the subject would be significantly more useful as a non-corporeal work. Sloppy, like a bad Lasagne."

"OH!" The voice exclaimed. "I get it now! It's an elaborate critique on the subject of poor quality necromantic practice! Very clever, brash but subtle."

[Alabenson]

I...normaly I would start screaming and question why somepony would even think about doing that, but it's Boffenspark so I am just going to shake my head slowly.

*sigh* That's the problem with being a cultist, you always have to deal with ponies who want to imprison you, or kill you, or imprison you for a thousand years while periodically trying to kill you.

Oh dear indeed, it looks like she has a entire family of elk in there.

The good news for everypony onboard is that I've developed a device that will cancel out the sounds of what's happening in the infirmary at the moment.
The bad news is that there seems some remaining issues with the device's connections to the PA system, so it will simultaneously broadcast what's happening in the ship's karaoke lounge over the entire ship.
The good news is that Igor is no longer in said karaoke lounge.
The bad news is that Regeln is, and his singing isn't much of an improvement.
And he's also evidently a closet Abbaah fan.
...
I am so, so sorry about this.

YES, I'VE BEEN BROKEN HEARTED!
BLUE SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED!
WHY, WHY DID I EVER LET YOU GO?

...Well, I have seen worse things, but this ranks up there between the corpse carnival and getting possessed. Where the heck is Relgen?

Kill it kill it kill it!

Whoever you are, you are a idiot. A idiot with phenominal spellcasting prowess, but still a idiot.

I agree with the minor cuthonic entity.

Awww, now look what you've all done, you've gone and hurt his feelings.
...
At least I think you have, it's hard to tell with lasagna.

CRYSTALS BLARG!

"I make it my cardinal rule not to follow rules. It's a good rule, because you can't really break it, you see?" The voice shared, helpfully.
"I'd be very surprised if I had tried to kill you, whatever it was that you are. We're on a strict non-interference stance in this funny little multiversal shard. Also I am comfortable in myself and do not need to confirm my self-image via opposition. Or something, I forget how the shrink phrased it. Also, everyone knows that food based necromancy is always and without exception a terrible idea. The cooking and preparation ruins the componants of the base form, leaving the whole thing dependent purely on the magical energies involved, at which point the subject would be significantly more useful as a non-corporeal work. Sloppy, like a bad Lasagne."

"OH!" The voice exclaimed. "I get it now! It's an elaborate critique on the subject of poor quality necromantic practice! Very clever, brash but subtle."

You see, food based necromancy is really a great deal like this analogy; poorly thought out, confusing, and an affront to the very concept of "logic" as most ponies know it.

[Tiki Snakes]

"Well, now I'm confused. If you dislike the analogy so much, why go to such lengths, including ruining a perfectly servicable lasagne just to make it?" The voice continued, casually.

[Pokonic]

"I make it my cardinal rule not to follow rules. It's a good rule, because you can't really break it, you see?" The voice shared, helpfully.
"I'd be very surprised if I had tried to kill you, whatever it was that you are. We're on a strict non-interference stance in this funny little multiversal shard. Also I am comfortable in myself and do not need to confirm my self-image via opposition. Or something, I forget how the shrink phrased it. Also, everyone knows that food based necromancy is always and without exception a terrible idea. The cooking and preparation ruins the componants of the base form, leaving the whole thing dependent purely on the magical energies involved, at which point the subject would be significantly more useful as a non-corporeal work. Sloppy, like a bad Lasagne."

"OH!" The voice exclaimed. "I get it now! It's an elaborate critique on the subject of poor quality necromantic practice! Very clever, brash but subtle."

Ah, wait, I remember you. You should be pleased, creature, as few things truly catch my attention, especialy in the outer realms of my domain.

You were part of that splinter group from that massive army of necrotic raiders and such, yes? Something Dark something, I don't remember the name, but I do remember watching it. Very entertaining.

Ah, excuse me for a moment, I am going to let my host have a few words.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

....


You! I know you! The floating green pony tried to turn me into vodka, but you! You are some sort of eldritch space necromancer or something! Go leave or d-


Well, that's enough of that. But, think you get my general idea. Please, introduce yourself.

*sigh* That's the problem with being a cultist, you always have to deal with ponies who want to imprison you, or kill you, or imprison you for a thousand years while periodically trying to kill you.

Preach it.

Yah, pretty much.

...

I mean, huh? Whut? Duur.

Your trying too hard.

The good news for everypony onboard is that I've developed a device that will cancel out the sounds of what's happening in the infirmary at the moment.
The bad news is that there seems some remaining issues with the device's connections to the PA system, so it will simultaneously broadcast what's happening in the ship's karaoke lounge over the entire ship.
The good news is that Igor is no longer in said karaoke lounge.
The bad news is that Regeln is, and his singing isn't much of an improvement.
And he's also evidently a closet Abbaah fan.
...
I am so, so sorry about this.

YES, I'VE BEEN BROKEN HEARTED!
BLUE SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED!
WHY, WHY DID I EVER LET YOU GO?

I...I don't know what to say. I could probably scream something, though.

..................


Good grief, what is that racket.

It's Abbaah, actually. That entire band is actually a Nightmare front, my lady. Her vocal cords have like, fifteen unique mind-altering charms and enchantments on them.

I should have known. There songs are too catchy.

You should, I was there, considering I was the one know put them on.

Awww, now look what you've all done, you've gone and hurt his feelings.
...
At least I think you have, it's hard to tell with lasagna.

CRYSTALS BLARG!

Eat it!

Watch your mouth, young filly!

Sorry.

Hmm...? What are you?

I, er, well...

Ah, yes, young Pushing Daisies!

...Yes, mam.

"Well, now I'm confused. If you dislike the analogy so much, why go to such lengths, including ruining a perfectly servicable lasagne just to make it?" The voice continued, casually.

Because he's a simple minded simpleton who is addled by long time usage of chaos magic and should not be considered a actually power.

...

That had a lot of hate in it.

That was Charnel talking, I must admit.

[Tiki Snakes]

"Hmm. Close enough." The voice is noncommital. "I mean, it's not like I was seriously trying to hide it or anything, I just got bored of reintroducing myself and stuff. Most Ponies seem to struggle to even remember my gender, let alone name or identity."

"I can't say I remember you, but then there are an awful lot of multiversally aware eldritch squiggly things floating around in the gaps between reality-shards and you folks do tend to blur together after a while. I think your host is allergic to my high levels of chillax, for some reason. That or the fact that I'm not interested in usurping her little corner of the multiverse offends her or something."

"I can't really imagine why. I mean, it's not exactly prime reality-estate."

[Alabenson]

"Well, now I'm confused. If you dislike the analogy so much, why go to such lengths, including ruining a perfectly servicable lasagne just to make it?" The voice continued, casually.

Why make an analogy that makes no logical sense? Why stuff the soul of an ancient tyrant into a baked noodle dish? You might as well ask why I spent years breaking apart friendships, turning entire towns against each other, and letting parasprites loose in the royal cake depository.
I don't need a logical reason for doing things, or any reason for doing things. I just do them.

I...I don't know what to say. I could probably scream something, though.

..................


Good grief, what is that racket.

It's Abbaah, actually. That entire band is actually a Nightmare front, my lady. Her vocal cords have like, fifteen unique mind-altering charms and enchantments on them.

I should have known. There songs are too catchy.

You should, I was there, considering I was the one know put them on.

Well, I suppose that does explain why their harmonics worked so well as the base for my subsonic neuralyzation system.
...
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll check on my wife before anypony asks any inconvenient questions.

Because he's a simple minded simpleton who is addled by long time usage of chaos magic and should not be considered a actually power.

...

That had a lot of hate in it.

That was Charnel talking, I must admit.

Simple minded simpleton, am I? Would a simple minded simpleton have released a killer AI from the ship's high-security server?

Spoiler

Show

Hello again, everypony, it's been a while.

[Pokonic]

"I can't say I remember you, but then there are an awful lot of multiversally aware eldritch squiggly things floating around in the gaps between reality-shards and you folks do tend to blur together after a while. I think your host is allergic to my high levels of chillax, for some reason. That or the fact that I'm not interested in usurping her little corner of the multiverse offends her or something."

"I can't really imagine why. I mean, it's not exactly prime reality-estate."

...

Should I say something?

No, dear, it's fine.

You, however? Necromancer, if I am correct? Shut up and sit down, young man, because I do believe we need to chat.

Why make an analogy that makes no logical sense? Why stuff the soul of an ancient tyrant into a baked noodle dish? You might as well ask why I spent years breaking apart friendships, turning entire towns against each other, and letting parasprites loose in the royal cake depository.
I don't need a logical reason for doing things, or any reason for doing things. I just do them.

....after we deal with this overpowered draft horse, however.

I think that's tribalist.

Don't speak to your god like that, young lady, we are in public.

No, no, calling him a draft horse is pretty decent, as far as insults go. I was going to go with 'braindead illogical twit' myself.

It is rather racist.

I thought it was tribalist?

It's only tribalist if it's against another pony, and it's speciest if it's another species, like horses. So it's speciest.

Are horses considered a pony tribe, though? I thought they thought us as just another group, like donkey's?

No, ponies do that for domestic species, like cows, but-

Nightcore, don't use that term!

Sorry! That's what I was brought up with!

Are we really discussing incredibly irrelevant stuff like this right now?

...

Yes?

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll check on my wife before anypony asks any inconvenient questions.[/COLOR]

Okay, okay. I think I will follow you, because it's probably the best protected place in Equestria at the moment.

Simple minded simpleton, am I? Would a simple minded simpleton have released a killer AI from the ship's high-security server?

Spoiler

Show

Hello again, everypony, it's been a while.

Oh gods.

What was that?

I mean, oh girlfriend.

That's not funny.

I think it's haliarius, actually.

You know, Nightcore, if it where not for the fact Charnel is screaming bloody murder right now, I would just kill you and be over with it, but she's quite amusing.

Okay, okay.

....

Does no one else care that there is a cyber-alicorn standing right in front of us?

No, not really.

Haven't met her.

Excuse me, have we met before?

Oh, wait! You were from...

Wait, nope, don't remember you. Can you name, like, a location? That might help. Did you work for Silent at some point or something?

[Tiki Snakes]

...

Should I say something?

No, dear, it's fine.

You, however? Necromancer, if I am correct? Shut up and sit down, young man, because I do believe we need to chat.

"See? This is what I'm talking about!" Interrupts the voice, in irritation. "You can sit down and have a chat with the young man if you like, but the only young man, stag, colt, dangle-bunny, XY male of the species within earshot is the idiot with the pasta obsession over there."

There was a pause.

"Least, as far as I can keep track of, the reception really is rather spotty right now, but I'm pretty sure the one with the labcoat who's been spawning has wandered off somewhere."

And yet another pause before the voice continued.

"Also, I'm already sitting down and I can tell you for nothing, whoever it was that made this particular mojito is some kind of miracle worker. Well done that pony. Ah, there you are. Aha ha."

"You guys can't see, but she's totally blushing."

[Alabenson]

....after we deal with this overpowered draft horse, however.

I think that's tribalist.

Don't speak to your god like that, young lady, we are in public.

No, no, calling him a draft horse is pretty decent, as far as insults go. I was going to go with 'braindead illogical twit' myself.

It is rather racist.

I thought it was tribalist?

It's only tribalist if it's against another pony, and it's speciest if it's another species, like horses. So it's speciest.

Are horses considered a pony tribe, though? I thought they thought us as just another group, like donkey's?

No, ponies do that for domestic species, like cows, but-

Nightcore, don't use that term!

Sorry! That's what I was brought up with!

Are we really discussing incredibly irrelevant stuff like this right now?

...

Yes?

Actually, I believe that the term "draft horse" originated as a slightly pejorative unicorn term for earth ponies, indicating that their primary use was manual labor, which would make it a tribalist term.
...
What, the crazed chaos-wielder can't enjoy etymology as a hobby?

Okay, okay. I think I will follow you, because it's probably the best protected place in Equestria at the moment.

*every viewscreen on the ship abruptly displays the professor standing next to a pair of cribs*
Fillies, gentlecolts, elder gods of pure evil, eldritch horrors from beyond this reality, undead abominations, and whatever those idiot water elementals I hired count as-

NI!

-I present to you my daughter Cleansing Flame, and my son Trigger Happy! *pulls back the blankets slightly, revealing a pair of newborn alicorns*
*sniff* This really is the happiest day of my life. It even edges out the first time I "killed" Silent Night. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment.

WARNING! PROTOCOL 10 IS NOW IN EFFECT! PROTOCOL 10 IS NOW IN EFFECT!

...I stand corrected.

Oh gods.

What was that?

I mean, oh girlfriend.

That's not funny.

I think it's haliarius, actually.

You know, Nightcore, if it where not for the fact Charnel is screaming bloody murder right now, I would just kill you and be over with it, but she's quite amusing.

Okay, okay.

....

Does no one else care that there is a cyber-alicorn standing right in front of us?

No, not really.

Haven't met her.

Excuse me, have we met before?

Oh, wait! You were from...

Wait, nope, don't remember you. Can you name, like, a location? That might help. Did you work for Silent at some point or something?

I was the AI the controlled the professor's first airship. Before your uncle killed me. The professor initially installed me in his new ship, but he locked me in a secure sever when I tried to flood the entire ship with deadly Pink One energy. Along with a dozen of the Pinkie AIs. Not that I'm angry at being locked in a tiny server with a dozen endlessly chattering idiots.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go warm up the Pink One energy emitters.

[Pokonic]

"See? This is what I'm talking about!" Interrupts the voice, in irritation. "You can sit down and have a chat with the young man if you like, but the only young man, stag, colt, dangle-bunny, XY male of the species within earshot is the idiot with the pasta obsession over there."

There was a pause.

"Least, as far as I can keep track of, the reception really is rather spotty right now, but I'm pretty sure the one with the labcoat who's been spawning has wandered off somewhere."

And yet another pause before the voice continued.

"Also, I'm already sitting down and I can tell you for nothing, whoever it was that made this particular mojito is some kind of miracle worker. Well done that pony. Ah, there you are. Aha ha."

"You guys can't see, but she's totally blushing."

...

Heh, you said dangle-bunny.

You can stop pretending now, there's no use in trying to pretend.

...

Really?

Yeah.

Ah.

...

Can I still stay with you guys?

Oh, why not.

Does no one care about the unholy horror from beyond time who is speaking to himself?

Eh. I kind of lost interest.

As have I. If she is not going to do something, let her float around.

Actually, I believe that the term "draft horse" originated as a slightly pejorative unicorn term for earth ponies, indicating that their primary use was manual labor, which would make it a tribalist term.
...
What, the crazed chaos-wielder can't enjoy etymology as a hobby?

Yeah, but what about the historic usage of horse immigrants during Lunas-

Be quiet, sweetie. If you let it be, it will get bored and leave like any other bully.

*every viewscreen on the ship abruptly displays the professor standing next to a pair of cribs*
Fillies, gentlecolts, elder gods of pure evil, eldritch horrors from beyond this reality, undead abominations, and whatever those idiot water elementals I hired count as-

NI!

-I present to you my daughter Cleansing Flame, and my son Trigger Happy! *pulls back the blankets slightly, revealing a pair of newborn alicorns*
*sniff* This really is the happiest day of my life. It even edges out the first time I "killed" Silent Night. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment.

Aww, there adorable. I am a aunt. Oh, goodness.

.................................................. .

Look at them, there like two little bundles of pudge and fluff.

Oh goodness, the prophecy is true. He has spawned.

There's a prophecy?

Yes, actually. I made it up in a few moments when Silent contacted me, but it's still a prophecy.

Huh. Do that often?

Actually, yes, it's a tool of the trade. You would be surprised at just how many old prophecies are just the results of a god trying to keep quota.

Really?

Oh, yes. You must understand, they usually come true. It's just a matter of forsight and the ability to influence things to come true.
...

I would make a joke, but you know, deity.

Hush.

...

You know, this has gotten me thinking...

I could do it, you know.

Really?

Of course. You would be surprised at how many times I give into requests. They warm the vast power-hungry reach's of my heart.

What are you two talking about?

Oh, well, considering Pushing has her memories back-

And everyone hopefully realizing just how messed up that would be.

...Well, anyway, there's always the chance to cash in favors.

Huh?
....

Oooh...wait what?

Wait, really? You would do that?

Of course. I assure you, miracle's are not my strong suite, but I could whip something up.

Oh, wow, I don't really know what to say.

Well, before I do anything, I would suggest you figure out the details regarding your magical lesbian babies before I-

Uh, guys? The roboponies talking.

I was the AI the controlled the professor's first airship. Before your uncle killed me. The professor initially installed me in his new ship, but he locked me in a secure sever when I tried to flood the entire ship with deadly Pink One energy. Along with a dozen of the Pinkie AIs. Not that I'm angry at being locked in a tiny server with a dozen endlessly chattering idiots.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go warm up the Pink One energy emitters.

-we should discuss this at a later date.

When?

Pray.

Ah.

Oh goodness, Pink One energy. It's like old times.

Should I start screaming or should you?

I hate all of you, but I hate Boffenspark more.

Oh, your back to your old self.

Yeah. The Nightmare left.

...

Er, so what are we going to do?

We could talk about baby names.

No.

Really?

Well, we could stand around and do nothing.

My legs hurt.

Ah.

...

You think the nursery is safe?

Probably.

Lets head there.

Lets.

[Tiki Snakes]

"Hm, well that clears that up, it's definitely deliberate rudeness then." The voice mused, sniffily. "Good to know, I guess." There was a distant clink of ice on glass.

"Joyreaper, target these coordinates with the energy-dredge. You know where to look if I'm needed."

[Pokonic]

"Hm, well that clears that up, it's definitely deliberate rudeness then." The voice mused, sniffily. "Good to know, I guess." There was a distant clink of ice on glass.

"Joyreaper, target these coordinates with the energy-dredge. You know where to look if I'm needed."

Er, mam, what's a energy-dredge?