Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Zahhak]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon.

I'm a big fan of TVTropes, so god help the PCs next time I DM, because this will be pulled out.

[toapat]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon.

i think following it to the letter is bad

but using it to hash together a solid pantheon with a good overview of the mideval world, then its a good guideline

[Black Mage]

********Halflings don't hump legs while sober.

I've been playing my halflings all wrong then...

[Morithias]

* I am not allowed to introduce a drink that uses honey, a potion of cure light wounds, a small piece of candy.
** I am not allowed to say it will "make you fly like a G6"
*** I am not allowed to build an airship and call it "A g6".

[Socratov]

*I may nto apply a method for crafting an IV drip of potions of CLW for the meatshields no matter how fed up I am walking towards them and trying to heal them
**Fine you can, but you better make stellar heal check to prevent airbubbles from getting into the veins spellign instant death to said meatshields
***I cannot make an itemfamiliar in the form of an IV drip, that woudl be too easy

[Domriso]

*I am not allowed to hollow out the Beholder I just killed solely for the purpose of animating it to use as a dirigible transport for the rest of the party

[Studoku]

** Nor may I hollow out the paladin's mount and sleep inside it.
*** Especially when it's summer and we have a tent.

[Zahhak]

Earlier, someone said something about playing a CN character whose actions are chosen by a D%, with the actions being from a table made based on comments from this thread. His GM ginked it, and I would gink it too, but I'm making a moderately important NPC based on that. And Cave Johnson.

Chariots Chariots.

[Ksheep]

* I may not make Alligator Jerky
** No Panther Jerky either
*** Shark Jerky is right out
**** No, I may not make jerky out of any animals we kill
* I may not make Elf Jerky
** No, no Dwarf Jerky, Halfling Jerky, Gnome Jerky, Orc Jerky, Goblin Jerky, or Kobold Jerky
*** Don't even try to make Troll Jerky
**** OK, you can make Dragon Jerky. Make a Fort save

[Riverdance]

Earlier, someone said something about playing a CN character whose actions are chosen by a D%, with the actions being from a table made based on comments from this thread. His GM ginked it, and I would gink it too, but I'm making a moderately important NPC based on that. And Cave Johnson.

Chariots Chariots.

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.

* I am not allowed to introduce a drink that uses honey, a potion of cure light wounds, a small piece of candy.
** I am not allowed to say it will "make you fly like a G6"

***I'm not allowed to create a drink using wine, a love potion, and a potion of cure light wounds.

****No matter how funny it is to watch the love struck, drunk bard stumbling around every time I heal him.

[Malak'ai]

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.




***I'm not allowed to create a drink using wine, a love potion, and a potion of cure light wounds.

****No matter how funny it is to watch the love struck, drunk bard stumbling around every time I heal him.

*****I am definitely not allowed to give this concoction to the busty female Sorceress.
******If I do, I am not allowed to pimp her out to the BBEG.
*******Not even if she does find him cute.

[Zahhak]

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.

If the Rod of Wonder is an incredibly good fortune teller who is described as looking to be about a 150 year old human in a loin cloth who demands random things as payment ("I want three hairs from the redheaded barmaid from the bar two streets down"), and gives responses in the form of cryptic riddles, and constantly demands a moment of silence out of respect for the countries ruler, The Sentient Cloud, then yes.

All glory to The Sentient Cloud.

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Chariots chariots.

[Morithias]

*****I am definitely not allowed to give this concoction to the busty female Sorceress.
******If I do, I am not allowed to pimp her out to the BBEG.
*******Not even if she does find him cute.

********If the two come back as a tag-team boss, I am buying the party's tavern tab after we win.

[demigodus]

********If the two come back as a tag-team boss, I am buying the party's tavern tab after we win.

*********No, I can't just serve the potions to the party instead of buying beer like a normal person
**********I definitely may not give everyone in the bar a free cup of the potion

[Adoendithas]

Chariots chariots.

* This NPC is DEFINITELY not allowed to invent a Wand of At-Will Gate.

Chariots chariots chariots.

[Zahhak]

Just keep testing, I'll settle this.

[Rockphed]

If the Rod of Wonder is an incredibly good fortune teller who is described as looking to be about a 150 year old human in a loin cloth who demands random things as payment ("I want three hairs from the redheaded barmaid from the bar two streets down"), and gives responses in the form of cryptic riddles, and constantly demands a moment of silence out of respect for the countries ruler, The Sentient Cloud, then yes.

All glory to The Sentient Cloud.

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Okay, I must see this. And then we need a "random price table" and an "obfuscation generator". Or just a doddering-old-koot translator.

[Zahhak]

I don't imagine they'll visit him often enough for me to need a random price generator, and the obfuscation generator is also unneeded since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

[Doxkid]

...since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

*If I include riddles and puzzles in my game, I sure as hell better know the answer/true meaning behind each.
**No using my players in one game to solve riddles my DM gave me in another game.

[Archmage1]

*If I include riddles and puzzles in my game, I sure as hell better know the answer/true meaning behind each.
**No using my players in one game to solve riddles my DM gave me in another game.

***Especially not if the DM in the other game is a player in your game

[Rockphed]

I don't imagine they'll visit him often enough for me to need a random price generator, and the obfuscation generator is also unneeded since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

Oh, I don't expect you to make one. But I think it could be fun to pull out a table in the midst of negotiations, roll d% a few times, and have him proceed to demand a scrambled owl bear egg as payment for services rendered. Then give them some ridiculous riddle about egrets and egresses and redolent redresses.

Actually, I want the doddering old man translator most of all. I should make one.

[Zahhak]

scrambled owl bear egg as payment for services rendered

Thanks, I only had the one thing he would demand as payment.

[Bacon Elemental]

* Imay never use the words "Tentacles", "forced" and "intrusion" ever again.

[Riverdance]

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Chariots chariots.

Oh please yes!

[Socratov]

* Imay never use the words "Tentacles", "forced" and "intrusion" ever again.

**I may not play Warlock or arcane spellcasters to cheat this rule...

[DigoDragon]

Stuff I was recently reminded of as the DM:

• If the players accidently slay the dragon god Bahamut in the previous session, I will not think up a substitute while drunk in the middle of the night. Otherwise we'll have another "Tiamat, goddess of cookies" incident.
• Tiamat also doesn't have a "Cone of Sprinkles" breath weapon.
• Do not base a swarm encounter off Eddie Izzard's "Covered in Bees!" joke.

And a few things my players learned recently:

• While hinged doors open only in one direction, do not assume the same goes for the pressure plate underneith them.
• Not allowed to assume that the Invisibility spell is the only way the enemy hides from you. There's a skill for that.
• Not allowed to whine that the ECL8 fight is too hard for your party of 11th level characters just because the entire party failed to have a weapon capable of bypassing DR 10/Silver.
• Also not allowed to whine that the 11th level spellcasters can't bypass SR 18.

[Techwarrior]

As DM I am no longer allowed to answer the question "What does it taste like?" with "A Fort Save."

[Zahhak]

I'm going to do this, but I'm going to pre-empitively place this in here (in addition to my CN fortune teller):

I may no longer base a world setting off of the works of HP Lovecraft, Beetlejuice, Thundercats, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, things I have been called on other forums, Bleach, Soul Eater, things I have called other people on other forums, horror movies, or YuYu Hakusho.

Actually, no, no world setting creation that references anything. Especially not without first warning the party.

[TechnoScrabble]

*The idea of a necropolitan channeling positive energy is ridiculous.

*As is the idea of a sociopathic murderer aasimar who mindrapes people for fun but is lawful good.

*Or a demon paladin.

*Or a psychotic cannibal who is somehow a good guy and magically gains powers when he eats enemies and killed and ate a dragon when he was twelve.

*Listen, just because the DM's best friend is terrible at role playing and somehow manages to be just dumb enough to annoy even you, that does not mean you get to make fun of all his ideas. No matter how ridiculous the concept of a half silver dragon half elf druid/monk with pyromania and a hatred of the outdoors and magically burning fists that somehow accidentally killed the character's hometown is.

[Xerinous]

*No playing a colorblind character in a dragon-hunting campaign.