Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[toapat]

*No playing a colorblind character in a dragon-hunting campaign.

actually, that wouldnt prove too much of a problem. All Evil dragons have Matte scales, where as good and neutral dragons have shiny ones.

[Rizban]

*I may not play an Artificer.
** I may not use a collection of communication spells and custom item rules to create a cellular phone network.
***I may not create hidden Dominate Monster spells in every communication device on the network.
****I may not forcibly apply construct grafts to other characters, even if dominated.
*****I may not rename the kingdom "Borg Collective."
******I may not play an Artificer.

[DigoDragon]

As DM I am no longer allowed to answer the question "What does it taste like?" with "A Fort Save."

This made me laugh. A lot.


My players aren't the brightest bag of hammers--

• Not allowed to take on a 10,000 elf army single handedly.
• Not allowed to assume elven armies are only composed of level 1 fighters.
• Not allowed to assume elven armies don't carry wizards with see invisibility.
• Not allowed to assume elven armies will not have anyone in their ranks employing magical weapons of any kind; and another thing, don't ignore the two pages of world fluff that elven archers are fabled for being able to hit a moving target from 500 feet against the wind, especially when the odds calculated that only 5% of those archers in that army hitting you still amount to fifty archers and the reason they hit you was because that 5% represents the group that rolled a 20 on their attack roll.
  
• ...Not allowed to assume the DM won't kill you for being dumb.

[Riverdance]

*When there's a kender in the party I am not to play a barbarian specializing in throwing.
**My barbarian's name is not "Kenderpult"

[A Tad Insane]

*I can not use a wish to ironically kill a third of the entire world known to my character
**My wishes can not be more than ten sentances long
***It's a good thing that the DM gets to twist THAT wish
****I am no longer allowed to use wishes on my evil characters
*****Even if it's an evil god giving it to me
*****I am no longer allowed wishes on my neutral characters
******I am no longer allowed wishes

*I can not make a chaotic neutral bard ironically inspired by blind guardian's "battlefield"
**If I do, he's not allowed to speak to authority

*I can not have anything inspired by scp, homestuck, doctor who, mary poppins, any and all anime, bionicle or hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy in anything d&d

[Archmage1]

*Persuade the DM to give us 5th level spells... in an E6 game.

[Shpadoinkle]

* If I attempt something that stops the game dead for 2 hours or longer while the DM looks up/makes up the rules for resolving such an action, I may safely assume that such action will be banned for all PCs in the future. Yes, even if the DM eventually gets tired of pulling his hair out and allows it to work this time because it's just faster.

[FantasyTropes]

*I may no longer create mildly insane characters
**Said mildly crazy characters cannot gain magical powers from head trauma unlocking magical genetics
***I may most certainly not begin to worship a rock that hit said characters head as the god known as James
****Under no circumstances am I to derail the plot in order to establish a Church of James.
*****Especially if its successful, and the aforementioned character starts to acquire followers.

*I may not push the barbarian down four flights of stairs. This is generally considered impolite.
**Casting defensive buffs beforehand does not counter act the pushing down the stairs act.
***I am not to complain when my character ends up with broken legs.

[toapat]

*I can not have anything inspired by bionicle in anything d&d

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

[Techwarrior]

***I am not to complain when my character ends up with broken legs.

Claiming that the only rules for broken legs are Optional rules that the DM never said we were using will get d4's thrown at me, particularly if this is my argument for why I can still run after a tree fell on my legs.

Asking if the tree was made of Evil Cold Iron will cause the DM to 'remember' a species of sacred trees used by adventurers to make wooden weapons capable of bypassing DR/Evil and Cold Iron.

Asking if the tree is a projectile weapon, and therefore protected from by Protection From Arrows, will render the tree a Gargantuan-sized sacred-tree-of-evil weapon wielded by the DM.

Asking if, since this tree is now a melee weapon that I clearly saw coming, I can use an Immediate Action to Abrupt Jaunt will make it a Vorpal weapon. Damage type restrictions be damned.

Pointing out to the DM that I have both Fire Shield and Holocaust Cloak up, and asking if I should roll for damage on both of them, will get the Druid casting Call Lightning on the tree next to my Jade Phoenix Mage to direct the next bolt at me.

Evading that bolt with Abrupt Jaunt, Leaping Flame, ANY Immediate action at my disposal will get me banned from playing a Jade Phoenix Mage.

[Doorhandle]

Claiming that the only rules for broken legs are Optional rules that the DM never said we were using will get d4's thrown at me, particularly if this is my argument for why I can still run after a tree fell on my legs.

Asking if the tree was made of Evil Cold Iron will cause the DM to 'remember' a species of sacred trees used by adventurers to make wooden weapons capable of bypassing DR/Evil and Cold Iron.

Asking if the tree is a projectile weapon, and therefore protected from by Protection From Arrows, will render the tree a Gargantuan-sized sacred-tree-of-evil weapon wielded by the DM.

Asking if, since this tree is now a melee weapon that I clearly saw coming, I can use an Immediate Action to Abrupt Jaunt will make it a Vorpal weapon. Damage type restrictions be damned.

Pointing out to the DM that I have both Fire Shield and Holocaust Cloak up, and asking if I should roll for damage on both of them, will get the Druid casting Call Lightning on the tree next to my Jade Phoenix Mage to direct the next bolt at me.

Evading that bolt with Abrupt Jaunt, Leaping Flame, ANY Immediate action at my disposal will get me banned from playing a Jade Phoenix Mage.

*Not to then unleash Lisardggy, the under-world tree, upon the offending jade phonix.
*"...WHAT?!! You KILLED it?!!
...Why did I even give that thing stats?!! "

[Kazyan]

*May not 'turn off' the Tier system.

[vasharanpaladin]

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

No. The fact that you used gnomes in the same train of thought as anything to do with ANYTHING is complete and utter blasphemy.

Besides which, the Makuta are clearly Unbodied.

[A Tad Insane]

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

On a related note
*I will not have a homebrew monster that is 'hive minded', 'really really fast' and 'numbering in the thousands'

[Arbane]

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

On a related note
*I will not have a homebrew monster that is 'hive minded', 'really really fast' and 'numbering in the thousands'

** It's got to be "numbering in the MILLIONS".

[Sith_Happens]

* The backstory to the campaign may not in any way involve Haruhi Suzumiya discovering her powers.
** I may not use this as an excuse to completely change the plot, setting, genre, game system, and/or assumed laws of physics each session, even if that's exactly what she would do.

[toapat]

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

I thought zombies were already a staple of DnD.

[Ksheep]

I thought zombies were already a staple of DnD.

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

[Wookieetank]

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

*** As a Warforged I may not BE a Clockwork Horror.

[toapat]

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

actually, Bohrok are horde of Deathless if we are keeping to mechanics. They are evolved Av-Matoran*.

the significant problem with the Bionicle universe is that every Toa/PC has an artifact weapon and an artifact helmet, or at least legacy items

*clockwork horrors are more an attempt to depict Grey goo in DnD, not a group designed to strip the camo from a giant robot

[Razanir]

*I may not discover the fourth wall through experimentation
**If this happens, I may not harbor extreme prejudice against NPCs
***Nor any sort of prejudice against NPCs, for that matter

[Sith_Happens]

* Iron Heart Surge is not Spiral Power.

[Socratov]

*I may not equip my warblade with a drill like weapon.
**I may certainly not proclaim that my drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens.
***I may not even wear outrageous orange shades while making statements

*I cannot make my monk's fists law aligned by tattooing "Aequitas" and "Veritas" on them.
**I may not watch Boondock Saints before interacting with any sort of DnD material whatsoever.

[MrLemon]

*I cannot make my monk's fists law aligned by tattooing "Aequitas" and "Veritas" on them.
**I may not watch Boondock Saints before interacting with any sort of DnD material whatsoever.

***Reciting the Prayer is not Inspire Courage

[DigoDragon]

* The backstory to the campaign may not in any way involve Haruhi Suzumiya discovering her powers.

...ouch.


As DM, I'm no longer allowed to:

• Create an NPC to hit on my significant other (As the party fighter, she responded to his pickup line by bench-pressing him).
• Create a BBEG who has a flair for a dramatic entrance (My players always kill the moment with lame jokes).
• Create a treasure map that's embedded in a diamond (PCs nearly sold it off for spare change and then didn't actually look at it for a month).

[Socratov]

***Reciting the Prayer is not Inspire Courage

except that it is. It would fall under Perform Oratory, and has an awesome ring to it... However it still costs a perform action and bardic music for the use and the effects ends 5 rounds after you stop saying the prayer...

[Kazyan]

*I may not make a tedious reference.
**I may not make an extension on this tedious refrence.
***I may not make another extension to this tedious reference.
****I may not post every possible extension to my tedious references to the Things I May No Longer Do thread.
*****I may not jump in to further extend tedious references.

[Socratov]

*I may not make a tedious reference.
**I may not make an extension on this tedious refrence.
***I may not make another extension to this tedious reference.
****I may not post every possible extension to my tedious references to the Things I May No Longer Do thread.
*****I may not jump in to further extend tedious references.

******I may not go meta in the Things I Nay No Longer Do Thread

[Ksheep]

* I may not attach a drill to my Warforged Barbarian
** My Warforged cannot adopt a young girl from the orphanage
*** He does NOT bring the girl around with him everywhere
**** I may not store the girl in a portable hole
***** The girl's name is not "Little Sister"
****** As this Warforged, I am not allowed to avoid any and all fights until someone attacks me or my Little Sister

[Wookieetank]

* I may not attach a drill to my Warforged Barbarian
** My Warforged cannot adopt a young girl from the orphanage
*** He does NOT bring the girl around with him everywhere
**** I may not store the girl in a portable hole
***** The girl's name is not "Little Sister"
****** As this Warforged, I am not allowed to avoid any and all fights until someone attacks me or my Little Sister

In a similar vein:
*My Warforged may not be painted blue and have a wand of magic missile implanted in its arm.
**Going on adventures to defeat other Warforged and gain their special abilities is right out.
***If the above do occur, my Warforged's color does not change when I change special abilities.
****Armor upgrades are not found in capsules, and speed dash is not provided by any boots I may find, enchanted or otherwise.