Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Arbane]

**I swear if you make everyone pack up and leave while I'm in the bathroom, then pretend we never played in the first place just to see how well I deal with all of reality being a hallucination (...again...)there will be consequences.

What were you playing? Sounds like something the GM would do in a game of Over the Edge.

[Stake A Vamp]

sanctions for me as a player
*gnomes are not throwing weapons
**neither are halflings
***kobolds do make excellent clubs, but only if you kill them first
****using live goblins as javlins is out of the question
*****no more using live, small sized creatures as weapons
******no more using dead, small sized creatures as weapons
*******no more small sized creatures for me.

sanctions for me as a DM
*my cat on the battle mat does NOT constitute the tarasque appearing on the fields of battle
**if my cat bats a mini, the tarasque does not make a claw attack against that character, same goes for gnawing on a mini
***if i am caught checking the tarasque entry when my cat is nearby, i am to have my monster manual confiscated
****there is no elemental plane of cotton candy, and summon cotton candy elemental is not a valid spell for a gluecomancer to cast.
*****gmuecomancer is not a valid NPC class
******the elemental plane of bananas does not exist
*******no more planes for me.

[Zahhak]

kobolds do make excellent clubs, but only if you kill them first

I had a character that did that once. Picked up a kobold by his ankles and used his head as a weapon and killed three of his allies. A fifth was simply impaled on a stalagmite because the former-kobold had his head explode (apparently) from the amount of damage.

Needless to say, that character quickly gained a reputation among kobolds.

[Ksheep]

* I may not throw Cybermen at the party
** Nor may I throw Daleks
*** Weeping Angels aren't allowed either
**** Absolutely no Vashta Nerada

[vasharanpaladin]

* I may not throw Cybermen at the party
** Nor may I throw Daleks
*** Weeping Angels aren't allowed either

3b: SCP-173 is fine, though.

[Zahhak]

* I may not throw Cybermen at the party
** Nor may I throw Daleks
*** Weeping Angels aren't allowed either
**** Absolutely no Vashta Nerada

Query: "Cyberman, weakness":
Heavy weapons
Unable to think creatively

Query: "Daleks, weakness":
Stairs
Steep elevations
Debris on the floor
Unable to think creatively
Incredibly heavy weapons

Query: "Weeping Angels, weakness":
Beings that can see and don't need to blink

Query: "Vashta Nerada, weakness":
We're sorry, we have no information on file for query "Vashata Nerada, weakness".
Please check your spelling, syntax, or search terms.
Did you mean "Vashta Nerada, strengths"? Or perhaps "Vashta Nerada will kill us all"?

[DigoDragon]

kobolds do make excellent clubs, but only if you kill them first.

Hold Monster works for a short-term solution.

• I'm no longer allowed to ignore my gut instinct when it holds up a big neon pink sign.
• I may no longer trust any of the PhyAd's contacts that he did not pay points for.
• Not allowed to give the party vehicle more credit for a kill than the party shaman.
• I am no longer allowed the shaman access to a pillow when she is interrogating a prisoner.
• Also not allowed to give the shaman access to a desk drawer when she's interrogating a prisoner.
• Simply not allowed to let the shaman interrogate our prisoners. They keep dying in the strangest ways.

[Guizonde]

*when seeing the 3rd plaguebearer in a week summoned from the belly of a nurglite magus, not allowed to shrug and say "meh." even if i passed my mental strength check.
**my character will not become jaded after only 9 in-game days. 6 months of tenuous survival coupled with heavy drinking... maybe.
***not allowed to resign my character to be drunk again this session
****dude, what's with you and having phlegmatic characters?
*****before you ask, no there is no talent "seen it all", neither is there competence "jaded"

[Zahhak]

Evil thought I'm preemptively banning:

* When playing a vegetarian elf I may not attempt to justify cannibalism by saying "they count as fruit"

[Wookieetank]

Evil thought I'm preemptively banning:

* When playing a vegetarian elf I may not attempt to justify cannibalism by saying "they count as fruit"

**Dryad and Ents do not count as vegtables.

[Ksheep]

* No more non-Euclidian dungeons
** No 4D dungeons either
*** I may not mess with subjective gravity
**** Variable time is frowned upon
***** I cannot mess with relativity either
****** All dungeons must henceforth be pre-made from an official WotC source…

[nedz]

* When playing a vegetarian elf I may not attempt to justify cannibalism by saying "they count as fruit"

**Dryad and Ents do not count as vegtables.

*** Except in Runequest

[ThatOneGuy79]

* I am no longer allowed a decanter of endless water if playing a flying character.
** Nor am I allowed arrows that produce a Disintegration effect.
*** Bags of Boulders are right out.

[enderlord99]

We're sorry, we have no information on file for query "Vashata Nerada, weakness".

SCP-682 would probably figure something out.

[Zyoto12]

From my Skulls and Shackles Pathfinder game:

*No longer allowed to execute NPCs by giving them copious amounts of the rum ration (Rum ration does 1d3 Con damage)
**No longer allowed to name our ship the Rum Ration
*Not allowed to go shark hunting using insubordinate crew as bait.
**Not allowed to shoot the sharks and use them to chum the water for more sharks (the druid gets mad)
*Not allowed to spend grit to shoot the grappled alchemist and cause an "unstable thaumaturgical resonance cascade" among his bombs, thus detonating him and the boss.

[Zahhak]

SCP-682 would probably figure something out.

SCP-682 might actually have some relation to the Vashata Nerada.

[Zahhak]

I am not allowed to even entertain the idea of redoing Tron, but taking place inside the internet based on XKCDs maps of the internet.

[DigoDragon]

I am not allowed to even entertain the idea of redoing Tron, but taking place inside the internet based on XKCDs maps of the internet.

OMG, that would be an awesome campaign idea!

[Adoendithas]

* No more non-Euclidian dungeons
** No 4D dungeons either
*** I may not mess with subjective gravity
**** Variable time is frowned upon
***** I cannot mess with relativity either
****** All dungeons must henceforth be pre-made from an official WotC source…

******* No more than three spatial dimensions, in a Euclidean geometry, period! Even if they are from WotC!

[Zahhak]

OMG, that would be an awesome campaign idea!

It stops being awesome the moment you remember how much of the internet is used for porn, illegal downloads, and online gambling.

[Hyena]

* I am no longer allowed to ruin DM's plot in some way just for the purposes of being a jerk.

[Moonwolf727]

* Suggesting that the wizard take Improvised Weapon Proficiency (Continent) is only funny until you realize he has the titan bloodline.

* The druid does not have voices in her head that exemplify parts of her personality.
** The druid doesn't have to wait for them to vote before she can do anything beyond eating, sleeping and drinking.
*** This goes double if even a single one of the primary voices represents any of the following: Pragmatism, Survival instinct, Jackass impulses or Raging alcoholism.

* Just because my sorcerer has a higher charisma score than the average Succubus as well as cross class ranks in disguise does not mean she can walk around on the lower planes without anyone questioning her presence.
** I am not allowed to have her seduce the imps into fighting for her.
*** This goes double for balors.

* The cleric's ability to rebuke undead does not make any difference to attempts at keeping his reanimated cat off of our furniture.
** When passing through undead-infested towns with our reanimated-army random zombies and skeletons do not start following us "for the hell of it"
*** Neither do they do so because "We look like a lively bunch"

* Throwing corpses out of the tower windows at trespassers and then animating them doesn't grant a surprise round, even if it really should.

[Guizonde]

It stops being awesome the moment you remember how much of the internet is used for porn, illegal downloads, and online gambling.

now it's less awesome and more survival horror

*not allowed to suggest the idea to my dm

[A Tad Insane]

*Scp 504 is no longer allowed to be mention
**The penalty for breaking this rule is like 504, but with books

[Chilingsworth]

*** You know what, no more mentioning SCP's.

[vasharanpaladin]

*** You know what, no more mentioning SCP's.

****This does not mean anything in the campaign is SCP-055.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

It stops being awesome the moment you remember how much of the internet is used for porn, illegal downloads, and online gambling.

No, those are just the monsters now.

[Ksheep]

No, those are just the monsters now.

You thought the .JPEG Golems were bad, just wait till you see the .GIF Golems…

[AttilaTheGeek]

* I may no longer create a Potion of Fireball and then swap it with my "teammate's" potion of Cure Serious Wounds.

[Guizonde]

all is stated regarding a recently necropolitanized halfling amnesic paladin, who due to dm fiat restarts her "life" lvl1 with no class *badum tish goes the rimshot*

*contrary to how it is stated in the flavor text, the trick riding feat probably doesn't intend for me to do kickflips with my mounts in combat, no matter how cool that would be.
**this probably goes with other skateboard figures.

*next time i'm looking through the ranger archetypes, i will scroll right past "trophy hunter".
**"trophy hunter" does not in fact force me to take trophies of my fallen enemies.
***"trophy hunter" won't allow my halfling to use blunderbusses, long rifles, carbines, canons, pistols, bobombs, bombs, big bombs, small bombs, rockets, shotguns, guns, rifles, or any other black powder weapon. that goes for any other projectile weapon capable of going "boom".

*i can't take combat style "explosives", "firearms", "flamethrowers", "insults", "insane punslinger", "chainsaw", "oak tree", "undead", "party members", "limbs", "furry woodland creatures", or "stingchucks"
**ESPECIALLY as a halfling!
***if for some reason i craft a trap that goes "boom", i will get the book of vile deeds thrown at me. the one in-game, yes, the one that kills you to death twice.
****trapmaking is preemptively banned.
*"gunslinger? lol" says the dm.

*"infiltrator", despite being a valid archetype, and what my now-undead halfling has been doing for the past in-game 3 weeks, won't be her new class.
**if for some reason the above is ignored, i can't take undead as favored enemies to boost my own skills.
***i cannot use explosives if i'm an infiltrator, no matter what an infiltrator does irl.

*wild empathy does not consist solely of me screaming "DUDE! YOU'RE LIKE THE BEST CRITTER EVER! I LOVE YOU MAN!!" when trying to use the skill on a critter.
**no, i don't in fact "feel for you, critter, don't worry! it gets better! trust me, i'm a ranger!"

*with a bit of haggling, it's entirely reasonable to swap out combat style "archery OR crossbow" with "halfling war sling". i can't combine both and call myself a "sexy shoeless goddess of machine guns".

*oddly enough, still not banned rangers yet