Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Sith_Happens]

* I may not develop the epic spell Create Non-Magical-Looking Money (Seeds: Conjure, Conceal. Factors: Permanent).
** If for some reason I am allowed to develop this spell, it is with the expectation that I will not cast it so much that my conjured coins end up consituting the majority of the money circulated in several countries.
*** If the above nonetheless occurs, my character's big reveal as actually being Chaotic Evil should not come via reminding the DM of the "Dismissable by caster" factor that he failed to pay attention to when he approved the spell.

[Elemental]

****But by that time it makes no difference because the economy has long since been destroyed.

[PaperMustache]

*My character's goal should not be to become the end boss of the campaign.

[Blightedmarsh]

**He should not be added and abetted in this by his future self that has already won the campaign.

[Voyd211]

* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

[Tohron]

*I may not play a wizard whose only method of attack is using flying summons and minions to carry heavy objects into the sky and drop them on unsuspecting foes.
**I may not kill the Tarrasque using this method.

[Riverdance]

* I may not develop the epic spell Create Non-Magical-Looking Money (Seeds: Conjure, Conceal. Factors: Permanent).
** If for some reason I am allowed to develop this spell, it is with the expectation that I will not cast it so much that my conjured coins end up consituting the majority of the money circulated in several countries.
*** If the above nonetheless occurs, my character's big reveal as actually being Chaotic Evil should not come via reminding the DM of the "Dismissable by caster" factor that he failed to pay attention to when he approved the spell.

****If I want to have any say in the events that occur after I dismiss 80% of the worlds money I (and moreover my character) had better know a damned lot about economics.
*****Just because I know more about economics than the DM doesn't mean I get to dictate what happens.
******My character may not use his knowledge of economics to create a stock market.
*******If he does create a stock market than the casting of the spell Panic, Mass on the market floor will become punishable by death.

[Elemental]

* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

But... That's an awesome series!

[Ksheep]

* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat
**** He does not have ranks in Perform (Bongos) and Perform (Poetry)
***** NO, he is NOT a beatnik!

[Malak'ai]

* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat
**** He does not have ranks in Perform (Bongos) and Perform (Poetry)
***** NO, he is NOT a beatnik!

****** Bogan or Bohemian is right out.

[Balmas]

*******An Illusionist with a penchant for invisibility spells is fine, so long as he doesn't research a variant that lets his smile remain visible.

[Kane0]

* I may no longer make a DMPC that the characters are reliant on, such as the only healer in the party
**I may no longer take away any DMPC at a time the party needs it. A lot.
***I may no longer DMPC. Except if someone is co-DMing with me, then he gets a DMPC
****Co-DM DMPC's cannot be disappeared like normal DMPCs

[Sith_Happens]

* I may no longer make a DMPC that the characters are reliant on, such as the only healer in the party
**I may no longer take away any DMPC at a time the party needs it. A lot.
***I may no longer DMPC. Except if someone is co-DMing with me, then he gets a DMPC
****Co-DM DMPC's cannot be disappeared like normal DMPCs

* I may not buy a more reliable and effective means of healing and tell the DMPC to bug off the next time he/she/it tries to join us, even if this would be in-character.

[TuggyNE]

*******An Illusionist with a penchant for invisibility spells is fine, so long as he doesn't research a variant that lets his smile remain visible.

******** Especially not if he's an awakened cat or tibbet.

[DigoDragon]

• Don't let the PCs name their horses. They'll get attached to the point that three days will be spent retrieving the horses from the haunted forest of Haven instead of saving that small village being ransacked by the elven army.
  
• Do not break the antimagic field at the opera house just because you don't like it. There are bad people who cast spells too.
  
• If the GM gives you solid evidence that someone is planning an Inside Job to assassinate the lead opera singer on the night of the performance, you are not allowed to spend two days prior telling Everyone of this fact.
  
• The chances of a rabid octopi attack on land during Scene 2 of an opera is pretty much zero.
  
• Stop stealing adventure ideas from Final Fantasy VI. Your players are on to you...

[Voyd211]

* I may not use a Dhampir gunslinger if his outfit is a red longcoat and hat.
** Dhampirs also do not have advanced regeneration capabilities. I cannot recover from decapitation.
** Anti-tank rifles do not exist in PF and DnD, stop giving them to my female dhampir gunslinger.
*** Stop making her say "B****es love cannons!"
** Human paladins do not have infinite bayonets.
*** Like the Dhampirs above, paladins don't have advanced regeneration powers.
** I may not play Dhampir gunslingers.

[Dimers]

* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat

**** Ksheep's bard may be a chill cat only by playing a half white dragon housecat. Other "base creature" felines are not acceptable. No, there's no LA reduction in this game. Furthermore, in order to play a half white dragon housecat, Ksheep is required to write a two-page (single-spaced, font size no larger than 12) report on how this physically came to be, without squicking the DM.
***** Aforementioned half white dragon housecat still may not have goatee, beret or sunglasses.

[Techwarrior]

Without using the words Shapechange, Polymorph, Alternate Form, or any other shape-changing spell or effect.

[Adoendithas]

* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

*** The BBEG may not be two enormous metal hemispheres.

[Doorhandle]

Without using the words Shapechange, Polymorph, Alternate Form, or any other shape-changing spell or effect.

...Tossing them both into a blender and casting raise dead on whatever comes out.
OR hideous teleporter accident.

[NikitaDarkstar]

* If my DM cries when he sees the stats I rolled I'm not allowed to use them
** No, not even if they were legal rolls.
*** This goes double if I intend to add insane templates to the character.
**** Yes even if the DM initially approved it.
***** If I add a half-demon template to the half-elf race I'm not allowed to look completely human.
****** Especially if I have the above mentioned insane stat array.
******* I will not be surprised if my half-elf/half-demon shadowdancer runs into a few Demon Bane weapons in his career.
******** Especially if he tries so seduce any more paladins, clerics, or other holy people.
********* This is the last time I'm allowed to use the puppy--eye look on the DM during character creation.
********** I am not to remind the DM that's what he said the last time, while smirking.
*********** Next time I am to play a character that's at least part human and has stats that actually reflect this.
************ Arguing that a 17 is within a human range does not help me when that is also my dump stat.
************* If I pull any of this one more time, we're playing Exalted.

[Krazzman]

*** The BBEG may not be two enormous metal hemispheres.

This seems oddly specific... where might this be from?

* If I try to join a new Group I should not start with annoying the Paladin
** If I do it should have a good reason for being invited next time
*** My goal should be to make a good impression in the first session

[Voyd211]

It's from Abhorsen, by Garth Nix. Same goes for my bells and ice things.

[Elemental]

It's from Abhorsen, by Garth Nix. Same goes for my bells and ice things.

And it is an awesome series.
Now I'm briefly curious as to how one would reproduce the bells in an RPG... Let alone Death...

[Socratov]

*using Coconuts as an instrument does not give a movementspeed bonus
**Giving the BBEG a fleshwound does not let him lose control of limbs, thus rendering him unable to use weapons or somatic spells
***I must stand in the corner until I understand why using Monty P. is not good for DnD.
****Even if some things actually do make sense
*****Under no circumstances am I allowed to be a Cleric with the True Believer feat when my deity is Antioch
******I understand now that I wasn't allowed to have Antioch as my deity anyway

[Voyd211]

* Monk/sorcerers cannot fire ki beams named after Hawaiian rulers, nor can they absorb energy to lob at the enemy.
** Seven orange spheres are not needed to cast Wish.
** Dying your hair blond and spiking it does not increase your power 50 times.

[Blightedmarsh]

***It increases it to 9000

[toapat]

* Monk/sorcerers cannot fire ki beams named after Hawaiian rulers, nor can they absorb energy to lob at the enemy.

**unless they have the Spellfire Wielder feat.
***even then, they have to ready the catch as a standard action
****they still dont gain power from dying their hair yellow

[Adoendithas]

And it is an awesome series.
Now I'm briefly curious as to how one would reproduce the bells in an RPG... Let alone Death...

Now I'm curious, too. :P

Some of the bells would be easy (in 4E at least, 3.5 I don't know). Ranna could just be a Sleep spell; Kibeth would have a Slide effect, or possibly one-turn Domination; Dyrim would be Speak With Dead and/or Silence; Saraneth would be a more powerful domination effect. But Mosrael, Belgaer, and Astarael I can't find any precedent for. Maybe Mosrael could let the ringer spend some healing surges for the target? Or Raise Dead with a large healing surge cost rather than material?

Death might work with the idea of Death Saving Throws, although it's not perfect. Someone is in the First Precinct if they're at negative hit points, the Second/Third after they fail their first death saving throw, the Fourth/Fifth after another failure, and the Sixth if they're dead but can still be raised or animated. I'm not even going to try to write rules for going into death, they would take up multiple pages.

Speaking of which...

* I may not nerd-snipe people with literary references!

[Alabenson]

*Not allowed to spend all of my starting gold on cats, dogs, or any other animal.

*I am no longer permitted to play a hadozee wizard who insists on only speaking in his native tongue.