TechnOkami's Art Gallery

[TechnOkami]

I drew a brain.

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'Dunno why.

[TechnOkami]

New doodle.

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[TechnOkami]

Emptiness.

I've felt this feeling before, but I don't recall when it all started nor why I feel it from time to time, but I do, and I dislike it. It feels like there's a hole in my chest, one that's slowly corroding away and stretching itself through my chest. It feels like there are hands around my throat, choking me enough so that it's inconvenient, but not enough to kill me or threaten my life. It's there, and I feel extremely apathetic when it's there. I feel depressed without the overwhelming sadness. Just... empty.

This is the first time I can strictly recall attempting to draw it while in this emotional state.

I don't know why I feel like this, or if I do, I cannot remember why. I wish I did, so I wouldn't have to feel so pathetically miserable and apathetic all the time.

[Starsign]

Emptiness.

I've felt this feeling before, but I don't recall when it all started nor why I feel it from time to time, but I do, and I dislike it. It feels like there's a hole in my chest, one that's slowly corroding away and stretching itself through my chest. It feels like there are hands around my throat, choking me enough so that it's inconvenient, but not enough to kill me or threaten my life. It's there, and I feel extremely apathetic when it's there. I feel depressed without the overwhelming sadness. Just... empty.

This is the first time I can strictly recall attempting to draw it while in this emotional state.

I don't know why I feel like this, or if I do, I cannot remember why. I wish I did, so I wouldn't have to feel so pathetically miserable and apathetic all the time.

I know this feeling, I really go. I've had numerous times in my life where I've felt empty, like I can put my hand through where my heart is and feel nothing. I lose all sense of motivation, of action, of any interest to do anything. And I have no idea why I'm like that. It just comes.

All I can say is that things do improve over time. The feeling goes eventually. You just need to hang in there until then. You have all of us here to help you out for that.

[TechnOkami]

Oh, hey... I'm alive.

Have some art.

#art dump

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V This one's a bit grizzly, and not in the good way.

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If you want to know more about this one specifically, go to DeviantART and read it. I don't feel like posting what I said here (although I suppose it doesn't matter, open internet n' all).

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[Starsign]

Oh, hey... I'm alive.

Have some art.

#art dump

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V This one's a bit grizzly, and not in the good way.

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If you want to know more about this one specifically, go to DeviantART and read it. I don't feel like posting what I said here (although I suppose it doesn't matter, open internet n' all).

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I do like the variety within these pictures. Glad to see you back as well! Glad to be able to be posting art here once more?

[TechnOkami]

Some digital work after a long time of being unable to do digital.

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[TechnOkami]

In lieu of the holiday season, my art teacher let us go banana's at a skeleton. I have discovered that starting with the mid tones is f@cking amazing, and for me personally it is the best way to add depth and value, because to be frank, I'm rather sh!tty at it.

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Harpy Harroween!

[TechnOkami]

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An Unused Goddess for a Quickly Killed game.

All hail Chanda, half-woman, half-scorpion Goddess of the Desert.

[TechnOkami]

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Dr. flippin' Mundo

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[Starsign]

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Dr. flippin' Mundo

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Yup yup. I see you've had some more fun Rp'ing as him over on that other site?

[TechnOkami]

Scribbles.

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[smoke prism]

Are you still taking requests ?

[TechnOkami]

Are you still taking requests ?

Yep, although I won't get to things until the week after next week, at best. What might I draw for thee?

[smoke prism]

A game I'm planing (see sig if your intreasted) will have knights that have been turned into soul eating fire deamons in charred armour.

I imagine them to be like the [Ublack knights from dark souls, but there armour would be dark red with black charring. There swords are silver with the same charring as there armour. They don't use Shields, instead the gauntlet is massive and it is dark red without any fire damage.

Hope that was clear, if not just ask.

Also if you do chose to do it don't rush it, I don't need it till later in the story.

[TechnOkami]

A game I'm planing (see sig if your intreasted) will have knights that have been turned into soul eating fire deamons in charred armour.

I imagine them to be like the [Ublack knights from dark souls, but there armour would be dark red with black charring. There swords are silver with the same charring as there armour. They don't use Shields, instead the gauntlet is massive and it is dark red without any fire damage.

Hope that was clear, if not just ask.

Also if you do chose to do it don't rush it, I don't need it till later in the story.

I think I've got the gist of it. I'll get it done when I can.

[TechnOkami]

Spoiler: Warning: Bigger than I thought

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It's... honestly as simple as that. Nothing's changed. I still feel this weight in my chest that I want ripped out, I still **** up at life, I'm depressed, my art's still ****ty, I feel alone even though I know I'm not, I'm not even excited that it's the Christmas season anymore. I'm just tired all the time, and all I feel like doing is sleeping. I've been listening to this (www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrXtQ8… on loop for a good while now, and it's the only thing I've been able to stand listening to, as it fits my mood the best at the moment. I've ****ed up at school, I feel like I' just ****ing up at every chance I get. I'll be home soon, and maybe there the "pain" will stop, maybe then I can feel better- I don't know. I'm just tired of feeling like this depressed miserable stain and slime on the face of the earth. I wish I could actually remember what I dream, I wish that I could fall asleep at the turn of a dime, I just... I don't know. I'm going to bed now, knowing all this about me, and HEY, I have to sing in a choir tomorrow about cheery Christmas songs, and I really don't want to, but will anyways.

[BladeofObliviom]

*Hugs*

I'm very sorry to hear that.

For what it's worth, I think you have plenty of value and describing yourself as "a miserable stain and slime" is seriously underselling your talents. For example, virtually everything in this thread is leaps and bounds above my crappy drawings.

Obviously I don't know you in real life (probably), but all that I've seen of you on this forum and on skype suggests that you're a bright, friendly, creative person with plenty of good qualities.

(Good luck with that Choir stuff, by the way. Cheery christmas songs aren't really my thing either, but they're classic and so we all have to live with them. )

[TechnOkami]

I know Blade, I know. And you're right, it's true. I do undersell myself a lot, but I can't help just feeling miserable at times, for many reasons. It's ok though, because time will pass and my mood will inevitably get better. I just wish it didn't recur the way it did, or I at least wish I understood why it did.

...heh, I should mention: Shahiyena was an attempt for me to explore and channel this dark mood I get into, attempting to push it through a creative outlet. It worked, for awhile, but it never truly worked the way I wanted to with it/him, and he/it started to simply exasterbate the problem. So, that's another reason why I don't really want to roleplay him anymore.

I'm actually feeling a lot better than I was earlier. Now if only I could fall asleep or find some last motes of inspiration to conclude Shahiyena.

[Mae615]

Great job.

[TechnOkami]

The Doctor once more.

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[TechnOkami]

So, in accordance with the rules, after I take a look at them once more, I've decided to simply link to a page with the image itself.

Infernas

[TechnOkami]

Amelia, the Purifier

[TechnOkami]

So, I drew me. Well, not me, but yes me.

I drew my online persona.

[TechnOkami]

Doodled a sphinx.

[TechnOkami]

Crown of Nails

Why is my art at my best when I never feel at my best?

[TechnOkami]

I'm tired of my art sucking, and not being at the level I want it to be. I'm tired of my inability to make and hold a character, and have distanced myself from the games I'm in to sit down and read some books (for once). I'm tired of not enjoying school, feeling like I've made so little progress towards an education I'm not even wholly sure I really want.

~sigh~

Blah blah blah, rant rant rant, lazy lazy lazy.

If I manage to paint something digitally I'll post more work, but I've taken a greater interest in traditional media as of late and am sorely pressed for a scanner. I don't like photographing my drawings.

In other news... I got The Wolf Among Us, and finished the first chapter of the game today, the next two + working through more of Game of Thrones + sitting down to do homework I don't want to touch with a 9'1/2 foot pole will all happen eventually in some manner tomorrow. Bleh, I'm being grumpy about these things for a long time with the motivation of a sloth to make any progress on them, the video games being the sole exception. I'm going to try and catch some sleep. Nighty night.

[Domochevsky]

Easy there, bro. Don't force art.

How do you feel about drawing some happieness and sunshine? I find that it works well for me to use strong and bright colors for positive purposes.

[Starsign]

I agree with Domochevsky. You should try to be a little more positive. It isn't like you worrying like this. All else fails, don't try to force your art out; it'll only make things worse. Besides, I don't think any of us dislike your art and it's far from being awful.

*offers hugs to TechnOkami*

[TechnOkami]

Easy there, bro. Don't force art.

How do you feel about drawing some happieness and sunshine? I find that it works well for me to use strong and bright colors for positive purposes.

Honestly? Like, honestly-honestly? The prospect puts me to sleep. Positivity and overly positive things like that don't do much of anything at all to or for me, and if anything it's a creative turnoff.

P.S. It's less about the forcing and more about the persistence aspect of it all which makes me frustrated.

I agree with Domochevsky. You should try to be a little more positive. It isn't like you worrying like this. All else fails, don't try to force your art out; it'll only make things worse. Besides, I don't think any of us dislike your art and it's far from being awful.

*offers hugs to TechnOkami*

I'm not worrying about it Star, I'm just frustrated, and Ive been frustrated for years and a little bit of that cracked through last night. Thanks for the concern though.