Silly Optimization

[_flint_]

Hey, all!
I just had an idea. Seeing as how I love to optimize absurd concepts, I want to enlist the playground to help me by throwing the most convoluted, ridiculous, and downright silly character ideas at me for me to try my hand at.

Other optimizers are welcome to post their takes on any concepts they see here, and hopefully this will spiral into a goofy amalgamation of T-Rex Bards and
Multiheaded Chimeric Gelatinous Skeleton Tauric Symbiotic Saint Weretiger Pseudonatural Half-Troll Toad+Anthropomorphic Toad/Giant Toads

TO DO
Axe Cop
Half Giant Stealth/Caster
Gollum the Panty Snatcher
Anthro Squid of Annoyance
Rocky and Bullwinkle
Bowser
Sandwich Monk

[Kazyan]

Mimic one class, of your choice, from Kingdom of Loathing.

[panaikhan]

Characters I have toyed with myself...

Pathfinder:
Rage Prophet (Prc needing Barbarian and Oracle)
El-Kabong (Bard build that hits people with summoned instruments - mine was Half-Orc)

3.5e
Mecha-Godzilla (Warforged Artificer / Juggernaut and my signature character )
Tinkerbell (Fey Mystic Theurge)
Twilight Sparkle (Unicorn Mage)

[_flint_]

Did you ever finish your rage prophet? I feel like I could do something with that.

I was going to do a Titanic effigy lizard for mecha godzilla, but i then realized that it would be 25 levels of lizard with no special attacks.

[Keld Denar]

Fiendish Phrenic Half-Dragon Dungeonbred Sentry Ooze Gelatinous Cube (of DOOM!).

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Jumplomancer probably qualifies... everyone worships you because of your ability to jump legendary distances. Red shirt and hat and blue coveralls appear to be mandatory, although a white/brown color scheme also works for the upgraded version with three levels in Pyrokeneticist. Either way, ranks in Profession (Plumber) are also apparently mandatory.

And of course, the Half Dragon Anthro Turtle whom is his nemesis.

[The Glyphstone]

While Bearington Bearman the Bearbearian is meant more as an example of how optimizing =/= cheese/munchkinry, it is also an extremely silly build when you look at it objectively.

[DeusMortuusEst]

An optimized build that mimics Axe-Cop! would be awesome!

[Snowbluff]

I was working on a Telflammar Shadowlord. He was going to be an Arcanist (Wizards, Mystic Ranger, or Duskblade w/out Extra Spell earrata), and Twin Repeat Spell Celerity and have Daze Immunity, and then use a Wand of Dimension Hop to convert the Standard actions into full attacks.

I'm still fiddling with several build figuring this one out.

[BowStreetRunner]

Bard/Emissary of Barachiel/Evangelist diplomancer cheese. Convert whole villages, towns, even cities.

[docnessuno]

Did you ever finish your rage prophet? I feel like I could do something with that.

If you are interested i have a 3.5 PRC i finished a couple years ago, meant to be a natural barbarian/cleric evolution (Sacred berserker).

[Heliomance]

I have a challenge for you. Can you build a character angrier than this one?

[Snowbluff]

I have a challenge for you. Can you build a character angrier than this one?

Easy. Just make your Con horrible and take the ACF that makes you rage when you are below a certain amount of health. You will always be angryTM.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

I have a challenge for you. Can you build a character angrier than this one?

Eh, my version of Bruce Banner was a Strongheart Halfling Monk2/Stoneblessed3/Barbarian1/Warhulk10/Hulking Hurler2/Frenzied Berserker

I forgot what the spare level was. Might've been Warblade or Crusader or something like that.

He took the Mountainous Rage ACF, so that he went from Small to Large size. Ended up going from a Strength of 6 to 40 something when he raged. Also Spirit Lion totem.


The traditional Hulking hurler with Cancer Mage + Festering Anger was quite an angry fellow...

[Eugenides]

I'm going to go with: the Trouserfang Dwarf. If you can fill this out something viable,(poison-focused would be cool,) I will love you forever.

[killianh]

A half-giant stealth/caster was pretty jokes, but one that's really cool is marshal /factotum/beguiler on a mongrelfolk. An ugly little creature charming everyone left and right. Its Gollum the panty snatcher (cue mental image)

[HunterOfJello]

Anything involving an Anthropomorphic Giant Squid who runs around slapping people with his 8 tentacle natural attacks. If there is a way to get nonlethal sneak attacks in there, then that would be amazing.

[_flint_]

I assume that the jumplomancer has already been made somewhere else, but has Bowser?

My To-Do list:
-Axe Cop
-Fleshed out trouserfang dwarf
-Harmless anthro-squid

Are any of the others here incomplete? I don't have them on the list because it seems like they're already finished.

[eggs]

Would that be any different than a Dragon Turtle?

How About...

The Thing:
Troll-blooded Hengeyokai Champion of the Wild Ranger 4/Savage Ghost 4/Warshaper 4/Primeval (Giant Octopus) 8

Possess creatures with Malevolence, get all Warshaper's immunities, turn arbitrary appendages into natural weapons, only be destroyed by fire, moan to freak out huskies, and when things get crazy, make the possessed creature erupt a mass of flailing tentacles.

[_flint_]

This is my take on the trouserfang dwarf. It uses a modified version of the "can't touch this" build by Person_Man

It's a natural attack charger/tank. The crusader level is for the Leading the Charge stance and effective DR/5

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The Guardian of Evermeadow

In the hidden forest of Whisperwind, at the base of Mount Tall, lies the villiage of Evermeadow. It is a place where no evil creature dares enter, for not a single one has come back to tell the tale in over a century.

It all started during the battle of nights, where every able-bodied man for miles around was enlisted by King Longbeard IV to assist in his crusade against the Meanlings. One such man went by the name of Darvil Metalweapon. He was of kind heart and brave soul, so became a field medic. He was a man of science and had discovered a way to reverse-engineer toxins found in a certain snake to heal wounds rather than cause them. With his medical expertise, he won the battle of nights and returned to his hometown of Evermeadow.

Upon his arrival, a voice called down to him from the heavens, telling him that he had been chosen by the great dragon Bahamut to fight in the endless battle against Tiamat. He was remade in Bahamut’s image, and never seen again.

Ever since that day, it’s been as if a silent protector has watched over the town of Evermeadow, and even the meanlings have dissapeared from within mount tall, leaving the villiagers free to harvest it’s precious Rarium

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NAME:Darvil Metalweapon
ALIGNMENT:Chaotic Good
STR:22(16 base+6 VoP)
DEX:6 (8 base-2 race)
CON:35(18 base+4 race+5 levels+8 VoP)
INT:8
WIS:16(12 base+4 VoP)
CHA:6(8 base+2 VoP-2 Race-2 Flaw)
CLASS:Ranger, Totemist, Crusader, Monk, Fist of the Forest, Deepwarden
RACE:Dragonborn Dwarf, Heart Aspect
LANGUAGES:Common, Dwarven
ANIMAL COMPANION: Tiny Viper
BOOKS USED:Core, Magic of Incarnum(Totemist), Book of Exalted Deeds(Vow of poverty), Unearthed Arcana(Flaws), Fiendish Codex 1, Tome of Battle(Crusader),Races of the Dragon (Dragonborn, Dragon Tail), Races of Stone(Deepwarden), Complete Champion(Fist of the Forest)
FLAWS:Shaky, Pathetic(CHA)

THE BUILD

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Darvil Metalweapon
{table=head]Level|Class|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Skills|Feats|Class Features

1st|Ranger 1 |

+1

|

+2

|

+2

|

+0

|Climb 4, Heal 4, Jump 4, Knowledge(Dungeoneering) 4, Survival 4|Great Fortitude, Sacred Vow, Dragon Tail, Track|Favored Enemy:Animals, Track bonus feat, Wild Empathy

2nd|Totemist 1 |

+1

|

+4

|

+4

|

+0

|Handle Animal 2, Survival 5|None|None

3rd|Totemist 2 |

+2

|

+5

|

+5

|

+0

|Handle Animal 4, Survival 6|Poison Healer|Totem Chakra Bind (+1 Capacity)

4th|Crusader 1 |

+3

|

+7

|

+5

|

+0

|Handle Animal 6, Survival 7|None|Fortuitous Counterstrike, Steely Resolve 5

5th|Ranger 2 |

+4

|

+8

|

+6

|

+0

|Climb 5, Heal 5, Jump 5, Knowledge(Dungeoneering) 5, Survival 8|Two Weapon Fighting|Two Weapon Combat Style

6th|Ranger 3 |

+5

|

+8

|

+6

|

+1

|Handle Animal 9, Survival 9, Tumble 1|Power Attack, Endurance|Endurance Bonus Feat

7th|Monk 1 |

+5

|

+10

|

+8

|

+3

|Tumble 4|Stunning Fist, Improved Unarmed Strike|Stunning Fist Bonus Feat, Flurry of Blows, Unarmed Strike, Monk AC Bonus, Unarmed Damage 1d6

8th|Monk 2 |

+6

|

+11

|

+9

|

+4

|Tumble 7|Combat Reflexes|Combat Reflexes Bonus Feat, Evasion

9th|Fist of the Forest 1 |

+7

|

+13

|

+11

|

+4

|Survival 11|Vow of Poverty|AC Bonus, Fast Movement, Feral Trance 1/day, Primal Living

10th|Deepwarden 1|

+8

|

+15

|

+11

|

+6

|Handle Animal 10, Survival 13|Touch of Golden Ice|Trap Sense +1

11th|Deepwarden 2 |

+9

|

+16

|

+11

|

+7

|Handle Animal 14, Survival 14|None|Stone Warden

12th|Totemist 3 |

+10

|

+16

|

+11

|

+8

|Handle Animal 15, Knowledge(Nature) 2, Survival 15|Sanctify Natural Attack, Multiattack|Totem’s Protection

13th|Totemist 4 |

+11

|

+17

|

+12

|

+8

|Handle Animal 16, Knowledge(Nature) 3, Survival 16|None|None

14th|Totemist 5 |

+11

|

+17

|

+12

|

+8

|Handle Animal 17, Knowledge(Nature) 5, Survival 17|Nymph’s Kiss|Chakra Binds (Crown, Feet, Hands)

15th|Totemist 6 |

+12

|

+18

|

+13

|

+9

|Handle Animal 18, Knowledge(Nature) 7, Survival 18|Cobalt Charge|Totem Chakra Bind (+1 Meldshaper level)

16th|Totemist 7 |

+13

|

+18

|

+13

|

+9

|Handle Animal 19, Knowledge(Nature) 9, Survival 19|Nemesis|None

17th|Totemist 8 |

+14

|

+19

|

+14

|

+9

|Handle Animal 20, Knowledge(Nature) 10, Survival 20|None|Rebind Totem SOulmeld 1/day

18th|Totemist 9 |

+14

|

+19

|

+14

|

+10

|Handle Animal 21, Knowledge(Nature) 12, Survival 21|Improved Multiattack, Favored of the Companions|Chakra Binds(Arms, Brow, Shoulders)

19th|Totemist 10 |

+15

|

+20

|

+15

|

+10

|Handle Animal 22, Knowledge(Nature) 14, Survival 22|None|None

20th|Totemist 11 |

+16

|

+20

|

+15

|

+10

|Handle Animal 23, Knowledge(Nature) 16, Survival 23|Nimbus of Light|Totem Chakra Bind(Double BInd)[/table]

SOULMELDS

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Girallon Arms: Totem, +5 essentia
Sphynx Talons: Hands
Urskan Greaves: Feet, +4 essentia
Blink Shirt: Unbound
Phoenix Belt: Unbound
Manticore Belt: Unbound

MANEUVERS/STANCES

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Maneuvers
Crusader’s Strike
Vanguard Strike
Charging Minotaur
Stone Bones
Leading the Attack

Stance
Leading the Charge

[DarkestKnight]

a 'throw ally' build focusing on an anthropomorphic moose and squirrel.

[Siosilvar]

While Bearington Bearman the Bearbearian is meant more as an example of how optimizing =/= cheese/munchkinry, it is also an extremely silly build when you look at it objectively.

I came here expecting the Bearbearian. I was not disappointed.

I'd suggest the Psionic Sandwich, but really there's not that much to it outside of the neat trick you use to be a sandwich.

[Metahuman1]

Ok, here's a crazy probably rules impossible idea but I'll throw it out here anyway.


Make a Fine Sized character that isn't hampered by mobility problems, and is also an amazing Tripper, Grappler, and Bullsrusher.


Another Silly one, I want to see a Half Minotaur that has good face to face combat ability, but is also crazy stealthy. Just because awesome.

[Rejakor]

Sandwich monk

[Ninja PieKing]

The barbarian who thinks he is a wizard.

[Rubik]

Ok, here's a crazy probably rules impossible idea but I'll throw it out here anyway.


Make a Fine Sized character that isn't hampered by mobility problems, and is also an amazing Tripper, Grappler, and Bullsrusher.

Voila. http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=132294

The Human Heritage feat qualifies it.

[toapat]

anyone using the Silverhair Knight PrC


a Pure paladin Landshark Magehunter (Mystic Fire Knight and Underdark Knight substitutions. Swim through rock)

[_flint_]

The barbarian who thinks he is a wizard.

Wouldn't that just be an optimized half-orc barbarian?

[Metahuman1]

Voila. http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=132294

The Human Heritage feat qualifies it.

Ok, that's neat. But can it do the combat stuff while maintaining Fine size? (I find the idea of the 4 in tall character beating Dragons and Trolls and Werewolves and such senseless.

[eggs]

How about

Mothra (and annoying fairy sidekicks):

Good-aligned Dvati Shaman 20 with vermin companion; Hero, Trickery and Spell Domains; Feats for Ocular spell, Alternate Spell Source and DMM: Persist.

For a companion, grab a Gargantuan Monstrous Spider with webs and the Wingstorm feat (feats are only available at level 20, but a smaller spider could keep the build together at lower levels); persist Giant Size, Righteous Might, Divine Power, Divine Favor and Celestial Aspect [Wings of the Astral Deva] on it, and persist Reduce Persons on the Shaman (through Ocular+Alternate Spell Source+Greater Anyspell shenanigans). And since we're talking a high enough level build for a colossal flying spider and Nightsticks are cheap, let's also persist Disguise Self on the companion (to look like a big white moth) and some more shenaniganed Celestial Aspect wings on the fairies.

Proceed to have annoying fairies sneak around, talk in synch and drop some weird magical action as a giant moth flies through metropolitan areas biting, wind-gusting and spraying web at things.