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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Cipherthe3vil's Avatar

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    Default Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Abandoned)

    Before we continue I must warn you that I have nearly no experience whatsoever dealing with martial classes. I cannot begin to fathom why I feel the urge to create this. But that's just how I work I guess- impulse.

    I'll only be posting these one level at a time, because as I said I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm going to take it slow. Don't want to write up the whole thing only to have to go back and redo it all :P That... and the mood wore off in addition to it being late.

    Ravenous Epoch
    {Image removed}
    --,.....,--;

    Ravenous Epoch maneuvers focus on manipulating time and perceptions of time in order to perform unique tricks. They rely on speed and cunning with the occasional set up for overwhelming force using small attacks... in vast amounts.
    The first disciple of Ravenous Epoch, it's creator, was Nikolea Hamilton. An aristocrat by birth she was raised in the arms of nobility during a time when eastern sages were making pilgrimage through their kingdom bringing with them tales of sorcery and spirits. Nikolea was involved in a short romantic endeavor that ended in tragedy, a reoccurring theme for her. Her life continued to repeat the same horrors time and time again. Every cause she joined, every friend she made. They were all stripped away from her one after another. She was constantly out of time, always too late, never at a more then moments of peace.
    The kingdom fell apart and her family along with several others were driven off in brutal hunts from which she took refuge with one of the traveling sages with whom she learned to defend herself and pursue personal growth.
    Nikolea grew, and grew. She became a master and remained in solitude within her quarters until she vanished. Some say they've met the master, seen her at momentous occasions... but dropped it when they realize that the woman was too young to be the master.
    New disciples are made whenever she makes an appearance, when she takes someone as an apprentice before letting them loose back among the world.
    These wanderers keep to themselves as if watching, and waiting.
    These disciples are not often seen in combat, not having to as they danger with ease, but when they do they favor thrown weapons or, rarely, a bow.

    Key skill: Sense Motive. Discerning the patterns in the flow of time is remarkably similar to reading others to intuit what they are playing at.

    Weapons: Daggers, Shuriken and Darts are the primary weapons used by the Ravenous Epoch. Throwing weapons in general are open for use. A disciple should choose any three thrown weapons to be marked as their associated weapons for this discipline.


    First Level:
    Echo Fist (Strike): An attack that echos in the targets mind.
    Backflash (Counter): Enemy striking you flickers, and for a moment appears as he did many years ago.
    Time Snap (Strike): You halt time just long enough to deliver a second attack.
    Time Lag (Stance): You thicken the flow of time in the area around you, slowing down your opponents.
    Temporal Grace (Boost): You push time out away from your body, loosening its grasp upon you as your body slips out of focus to those observing you.

    Spoiler
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    First Level-


    Echo Fist
    Ravenous Epoch (Strike)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Standard action
    Range:see text
    Duration: 1 round
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    A sharp attack that plays with the victim's perceptions of time, inducing powerful déjà vu.

    As part of this maneuver make a basic attack. If you hit, you deal damage as normal but the target becomes shaken as well.



    Backflash
    Ravenous Epoch (Counter)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Immediate Action
    Range: 10 feet per IL
    Target: see text
    Duration: 1 round per IL
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    As your target strikes at you, the time drains away from them as if a dam has been broken. They rapidly lose time, reverting to a younger version of themselves in seconds.

    You may initiate this counter whenever you're attacked. Your opponent has to succeed on a Fort save. On a failed save the time gets stolen from them.
    The target suffers the effects of two negative levels. These levels are not lost... just locked away. The target gets reduced two age categories, which can't kill it but at worst leave them as a young teenager. Multiple uses



    Time Snap
    Ravenous Epoch (Strike)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Standard action
    Range:see text
    Duration: 1 round
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    Letting your power flair, you stop time just long enough to attack once more before anyone has a say in the matter.

    When you initiate this maneuver you can make two basic attacks at -2 to the attack roll.
    For every 4 ranks you have in Sense Motive, you get +1 to your attacks.



    Time Lag
    Ravenous Epoch (Stance)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Swift action
    Target: You
    Duration: Stance

    Focusing with some difficulty you feel the flow of time. Reaching out, you take hold of it and gather it around you, slowing any who try to get too close.

    When you initiate this boost the air around you ripples and color seems muted.
    All squares in a radius of 5 feet around you count as difficult terrain, including air squares.
    For every 5 ranks you have in Sense Motive this can extends an extra 5 feet away from you. If you have 8 or more ranks in Sense Motive, this effect ignores Freedom of Movement.
    Your own movement isn't limited in any way by this boost, and difficult terrain is left behind as you move.



    Temporal Grace
    Ravenous Epoch (Boost)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Swift action
    Target: you.
    Duration: 3 rounds.

    You take a deep breath and exhale, relaxing your body attempting to ease yourself out of time's grasp.

    While you remain in this stance you increase your speed by 5ft with a +2 to tumble and escape artist checks.
    For every 5 ranks in Sense Motive you double these effects and gain +2 to reflex saves. At rank 10 you are under the effects of Freedom of Movement.
    Last edited by Cipherthe3vil; 2014-08-27 at 04:33 PM.

    My Homebrew
    If I ever come across as rude, please inform me and I'll do my best to change my attitude. Sorry.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2010

    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Well first things first: This is awesome and I love the concept.

    Now that that is out of the way, going over the first level of things (as it is the only level posted at this time), I find they are done quite well. Fit with the concept greatly and are not too powerful. I can already see myself using this school, that is how much I'm liking it.

    Over all great work so far, can't wait to see more.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Cipherthe3vil's Avatar

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    [Testing post for my newest class, to avoid posting it publicly until it is presentable enough]

    The goal here is to make something that revolves around the idea of a horror movie "Monster", a twisted human who has been broken or disturbed and fallen into becoming something less than human, something that inspires fear or outright panic. Something that inspires urban legends and makes people fear being alone or being out at night at all.

    The idea is to provide the ability to create any number of horror/slasher movie villains whether it be Psycho, The Grudge, The Shining, Slither, or even Cabin in the Woods. The main focal point though are Japanese myths and legends in particular, because to be honest I find Japanese horror to feel more... substantial.

    There is one fatal flaw though- I don't actually watch these sort of movies. I understand them, I've seen a few, but I'm not actually a horror movie nut. Heck, I'm even more of the romantic comedy type to boot. Why did I decide to make a class like this? No idea. The class is sitting there in my heart and wants to come out, so I'm trying.

    I've put the entire post in a spoiler for reasons.

    Spoiler: The Post
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    The Onryō


    ^Wish I could resize the embedded video -.-;
    Alternate music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qofFl3bci_c
    Alternate music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRzaWBBtJGQ
    怨霊
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    "[Relevant quote here]"


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    Onryō Details:
    There are always legends of people taken so far down into despair that they take their own lives, only to return vengeful and out for blood. Onryō, Vengeful Spirits, are the subject of those legends. There are a variety of different sorts of Onryo, different capabilities and different motives. Some don't realize how far down the well they've fallen, some try to excuse their actions or fight their nature after realizing what they are becoming. Others relish it. Onryo inspire nightmares and mysteries as they walk among their prey or stalk from the shadows spreading fear and often death.

    Onryo aren't likely to be the most effective in combat, but Onryo gain a variety of abilities centered around the idea of out of combat harassment to wear down at the mental fortitude of her victims to keep them on edge, wary, frightened, and waiting for what to go wrong next whether it be a knife in the dark or a face in the mirror.


    Abilities: Onryō rely most heavily on charisma, followed by dexterity. Onryō feel deeply, especially emotions tied to envy, greed, lust, and wrath. While they may still feel love and even happiness to some extent, it is difficult for them to hang onto those feelings that are obscure to them as they are clouded behind darker feelings. These emotions and their conflicts drive the Onryō's very existence. Dexterity is important to aid in avoiding hits and detection, keeping light and graceful.

    Role: Similar to that of a rogue and/or a sorcerer/wizard that specializes in illusions.

    Background: Onryō are generally individuals who have been weighed down potentially all their lives by others for varying reasons, but it can be as short as a year in some. They get desperate, and fall into a spiral of anger, frustration, and depression. Reasons for their abuse could have been as simple as the way they looked, or who they loved. People are cruel, and can find any excuse to put down another. As for becoming an Onryō, their anger won out in tune with their depression and they start on a slippery path that tends to leave people something less than human. They are almost always described as beautiful maidens, and men who become Onryō become androgynous to the point they may be easily mistaken as a woman depending on dress but would look dashing in a yukata.

    Organization: Onryō rarely meet other Onryō after turning. While plenty of Onryō take pleasure in manipulating others to become Onryō themselves, they usually then abandon their victim once they cross the point of no return.

    Alignment: Onryō are all chaotic or evil, but not necessarily both. While a chaotic good Onryō would be very rare, it isn't impossible. Onryō are largely evil by nature.

    Races: Onryō can be of any humanoid race, but are almost always human, elf, half-elf, or similarly near-human. Half-Orc Onryo aren't unheard of and can make terrifying enemies but lack subtlety.

    Religion: Onryō are independent of religion, but are themselves related to more oriental religions should they be present in the setting.

    Other Classes: Onryō might clash with Ozodrin, from a meta perspective, and many holy/divine classes. Exorcists, for example, would surely attempt to banish them while summoners may attempt to bind them.

    Adaptation: Onryō are most at home in settings with oriental flavoring but could thematically be applied to most settings. They'd be least at home in lawful-good sort of settings with great cathedrals and angels floating about.

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    Class Features

    Hit Die: d12

    Starting Gold: 3d4x10 (75gp)

    Class Skills: Acrobatics (Dex), Bluff (Cha), Climb (Str), Craft (Int), Disguise (Cha), Escape Artist (Dex), Intimidate (Cha), Knowledge (religion) (Int), Knowledge (the planes) (Int), Perception (Wis), Stealth (Dex), Survival (Wis), Swim (Str)

    Skill Points: 4

    Table: The Onryo.

    Level BAB FORT WILL REFLEX Special Features Yūrei
    Spirits
    Kyōfu
    Terrors
    Yūwaku
    Temptations
    1 +0 +0 +2 +2 Cross the Line, Spite, Stage 1 2 - -
    2 +1 +0 +3 +3 2 1 -
    3 +1 +1 +3 +3 2 1 1
    4 +2 +1 +4 +4 3 1 1
    5 +2 +1 +4 +4 Stage 2 5 2 1
    6 +3 +2 +5 +5 5 2 1
    7 +3 +2 +5 +5 6 3 2
    8 +4 +2 +6 +6 6 3 2
    9 +4 +3 +6 +6 7 3 2
    10 +5 +3 +7 +7 Stage 3 9 4 2
    11 +5 +3 +7 +7 9 4 3
    12 +6/1 +4 +8 +8 9 5 3
    13 +6/1 +4 +8 +8 10 5 3
    14 +7/2 +4 +9 +9 11 5 3
    15 +7/2 +5 +9 +9 Stage 4 14 6 4
    16 +8/3 +5 +10 +10 13 6 4
    17 +8/3 +5 +10 +10 13 7 4
    18 +9/4 +6 +11 +11 14 7 4
    19 +9/4 +6 +11 +11 15 7 5
    20 +10/5 +6 +12 +12 Stage 5 17 8 5

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    Weapon Proficiency: Onryō are proficient with simple weapons, no armor. Onryō may learn to use a single exotic or martial weapon at first level, tenth level, and 20th level.

    >1st-Cross the Line (Ex): The defining point in the Onryō's new life which begins when the Onryō takes her own life as part of the "Training" leading to obtaining the first level of this class. Levels of any NPC classes may be replaced with Onryō levels.Once an Onryō gains first level, they cannot turn back- their natural life is now over. They forget their life before this point, though the memories are still within them but only the negative memories emerge whenever they may start daydreaming or get bored, while positive or even neutral memories cannot be recalled on their own without external influence.Muscle memory and instinct remains as it was, and all class features from before this point remain though may or may not need to be re-learned (Which may be very easy).An Onryō cannot gain more levels in other classes that combined total more than half her Onryō levels. Every level after the first that is not in the Onryō class gathers a stacking 25% experience penalty. If this penalty reaches 100%, the Onryō becomes mindless for 24 hours before fading out of existence.

    >1st-Stage 1 (Ex): The Onryō is now at "Stage 1".

    - At this stage the Onryō requires no food, water, air, or sleep to exist.
    - They are immune to bleeding and any effect revolving around blood as the Onryō no longer requires blood, though they still produce it.
    - Darkvision 30ft + Low Light vision.
    - No Constitution score, using Charisma in place of Constitution for HP, Fort, or special abilities.
    - +5 to resistance checks against death effects, disease, paralysis, poison, sleep effects, and stunning.
    - Fast Healing 1, Fast healing 5 when applied to non-lethal damage.
    - Ability damage/drain recovers at twice normal rate. No death from massive damage.
    - Spell-resistance of 10+1/4th levels towards mind-affecting effects and illusion spells in general.

    x Not affected by Raise Dead o reincarnate.
    x Can be repelled by turn undead.Discomfort when on holy ground.Holy water induces panic on contact, for as long as contact remains.Positive energy induces panic when within 30ft, so long as it remains within 30ft. Still healed by it for half effect.Healed by negative energy, at half effect.


    >1st-Spite (Ex): The Onryō feels compelled to cause mental or physical harm to others, particularly certain types of individuals. Those individuals are usually related to the behavior of those who abused the Onryō prior to her transformation. Those types of individuals are considered cursed and the Onryō is incapable of feeling remorse, regret, conscious, or mercy towards those individuals all the while feeling anger, agitation, and murderous intent as a default.
    The Onryō can resist these feelings, they're just feelings, but usually the only reason they have to resist are social or logical reasons. Such as avoiding drawing suspicion of one sort or another.When the Onryō causes emotional distress against one of those cursed individuals, the Onryō experiences heightened pleasure and a feeling of fullness that temporarily alleviates the emptiness they feel.
    That emptiness grows larger the longer they go without causing distress. An Onryō that does not cause emotional distress once a week suffers a -1 penalty to charisma that doubles each week. An Onryō with no charisma fades out of existence and everyone that didn't have a notable relationship with her forgets about her. "Friends" and "Enemies" alike would retain their memories, while a simple classmate or associate would forget.When using abilities, an Onryō has a +2 bonus to all rolls against a target of Spite, but a -2 to all rolls against someone not a target of Spite when one is present.

    >1st-Yūrei (Su): Onryō gain Yurei as they level up. Yurei are spirits of victims that have died either for or by the actions of the Onryō. Their first Yurei is usually someone they cared for who passed away, even as far as a mother who died giving birth. However, this also includes their own spiritual manifestation, as they took their own life at the start of this class though it is a shell of their own spirit, split between the manifestation and the Onryō herself.

    Each Yurei manifestation has it's own purpose and is used to power special abilities. The Yurei are all fragments of the true spirit of the person they came from, with only echos of their past memories and personalities. They can talk, but are essentially mindless when not under orders and don't manifest unless given an order. All Yurei may be shards of the Onryo if desired.

    The Yurei have no impact on the physical world whatsoever beyond the ability they power. They are not even capable of relaying information, as if they are sent to "Scout" they forget everything they have seen almost as quickly as they see it.The Yurei can be seen by those who were related to the person the Yurei came from and the Onryo herself. When they are used for an ability, they appear as ghostly blue balls of flame the size of an orange while on cooldown or while the effect is still ongoing. While as a ball of fire, anyone can see them if they or anyone they know personally are affected by it. If the Onryo is a higher level than anyone who would witness a Yurei, she can choose to keep the Yurei invisible.What a Yurei may accomplish varies on the Stage of the Onryō.

    When a new Yurei would be gained, it can instead boost a previous Yurei to increase it's stage. Otherwise all Yurei are stage 1. All previous stages can be used if you possess a higher stage. Whenever a new stage is unlocked 2 new Yurei are gained that level.

    Unless otherwise specified, they are standard actions.

    Yurei abilities:
    Spoiler
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    Misty Road:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Misty veil" The Yurei bursts into a cloud of mist that covers a 60ft area from the point of origin. While someone is within the mist, the Onryo is always aware of their precise location. The Onryo herself while within the mist becomes distorted to the extent you cannot recognize her features and her shape becomes undefined. Lasts 10 rounds, can only have one area affected at a time. Can be used 3+1/2 level times per day. At 10 uses per day, it becomes an at-will ability.

    2- "Cloudbank" The Yurei creates a cloud of mist covering a 250ft area from the point of origin. The Onryo is aware of everyone within the mist and the Onryo can appear anywhere within the mist as a move action. The Onryo's features are distorted in a manner that induces a level of fear on a failed DC 10+1/2 Onryo level+Cha Mod. Failure means they are Frightened while success means they are Shaken. Fear lasts a number of rounds equal to how much they failed by, while they remain shaken so long as the Onryo is present. Can be used 3+1/2 level times per day. At 10 uses per day, it becomes an at-will ability.

    3- "Whispering Village" 5 minutes casting time- The Yurei changes the climate within 10 miles to become misty. The Onryo is capable of appearing anywhere within the mist as a full-round action, or appear anywhere within range of twice her land speed as a single move action bypassing all obstacles as though teleportation was used. The Onryo is aware of everyone within the mist to a 30ft accuracy unless she is within 500ft at which point it becomes precise. It would still take time to sort through all the people in the area of effect, and she isn't aware of things happening on a small scale unless her attention is on that location through concentration. The Onryo can speak through the mist to anyone she is viewing through the mist despite distance as though she were whispering in their ear. Can be used once per day, and lasts 30 minutes per level. The mist lingers for a couple hours after the effect actually wears off, becoming normal mist.

    4- "Hysteria" The Yurei creates a cloud of mist covering 1,000ft in area from the point of origin. The Onryo is aware of everyone within the mist and the Onryo can appear anywhere within the mist sa a move action. Everyone's features within the area become distorted and unrecognizable from another. Individuals see themselves as normal, and the Onryo is unaffected by the change to other's appearances. Any action a distorted individual seems to be aggressive to a viewer. At the Onryo's leisure, some individuals may be unaffected both as not distorted to others or seeing everyone normally. The Onryo herself becomes so heavily distorted in a horrifying way that she bends the psyche, causing 2d6 wisdom drain on a failed DC 10+1/2 Onryo level+Cha Mod will save and leaving them Panicked. On a successful save, they take 1 point of wisdom damage and are shaken. Lasts 10 rounds, can be used once per day.

    5- "Silent City" 5 minutes casting time- The Yurei changes the climate within 10 miles to become misty. The Onryo can appear anywhere within the mist as a move action and is aware of anyone within it precisely though she has to concentrate to focus on areas. Otherwise this has all the effects of stage 4, on a much larger scale. Can be used once per week and lasts one hour per level.


    Raging Force:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Hateful Action" The Yurei merges with the Onryo to provide a +2 bonus to strength, fortitude, and provides +5% max HP as temp HP (Minimum +5). Effect ends if the Onryo does not make an attack for 1 round and can be used again on a roll of 6 on a 6 sided die, or after an hour has passed.

    2- "Sudden hate" The Yurei merges with a victim to cause his attitude towards 1 other individual to lower. Making a will save against the usual DC if they fail their attitude drops by 1 level per 5 points they failed by. Lasts 24 hours. 3 uses per day + 1/2 class levels becoming at-will at 10 uses. Can only be used against 1 individual once per 6 hours.

    3- "Burning Anger" The Yurei merges with the Onryo to provide a +5 bonus to strength and fortitude while providing 15% the Onryo's HP again as temporary HP (Minimum +15). Fast Healing increases by 5, 10 for nonlethal damage OR regeneration increases by 2 if any. The Onryo deals twice her strength modifier on damage to the first attack made per round. Effect ends if the Onryo does not make an attack for 1 round and can be used again on a roll of 6 on a 6 sided die, or after 12 hours have passed.

    4- "Mob rage" The Yurei blankets an entire crowd fitting within a 50ft area to provide the effect of Sudden Hate to all individuals within. Mob Rage can pin all that anger against one or a few people, or against everyone else in the mob. 1 use per day and lasts 24 hours.

    5- "Hand of Wrath" The Yurei merges with the Onryo to provide a +10 bonus to strength while providing +25% the Onryo's max HP again as temporary HP (Minimum +25). Regeneration increases by 6. The Onryo deals her full strength as bonus damage to the first attack made per round. Effect ends if the Onryo does not make an attack for 1 round and can be used again on a roll of 6 on a 6 sided die, or after 1 day has passed.




    Cursed Display:
    Spoiler
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    1- Curse of Charm- The Yurei passes through a target leaving behind a curse. The Curse of Charm causes imperfections to appear on the victim's skin along with their voice to become less appealing and their social wit to fail them. Their charisma is reduced by 4 points for 24 hours, repeated use refreshes the duration. Can be used 3 times per day +1/2 class levels. At 10 uses it becomes an at-will ability.

    2- Curse of Thought- Causes imperfections to appear in the victim's memory and causes them to lose thought frequently, wandering off into daydreams. The victim loses 2 points of intelligence and wisdom. A -5 penalty to all concentration checks, and reading anything more than a paragraph of text or listening to a few sentences of a lecture of any sort requires a concentration check of a suitable DC dependent on the subject and the victim's interests. Lasts for 24 hours, repeated use refreshes the duration. Can be used 3 times per day +1/2 class levels. At 10 uses it becomes an at-will ability.

    3- Curse of Luck- Causes the victim to suffer a -5 penalty to all dice rolls out of combat and -2 to all rolls in combat. Any roll that could potentially cause death of the victim is instead made at a -10 penalty out of combat, or once within combat to the first could-be lethal attack. "Potentially" does not include critical hits, though critical hits can be scored on a roll of 2 lower than they otherwise could be landed on against the victim of this curse.

    4- Curse of Heart- Anyone interacting with the victim of this curse must make a will save DC 15 or be strangely irritated with the victim to the point that they will actively avoid them, display aggression towards them, or on a failure of 5 or more engage in hostile action with the intent to cause harm both socially and physically. On a failure of 10 or more, they will seek the victim's very life. Lasts a full 24 hours from when the curse is laid. One use per day, but affects anyone in contact with the victim whenever contact is made until they fail.

    5- Curse of Fate- Once per hour on the hour a random event relevant to the current environment will occur that may cause harm or death to the victim of this curse. Pots falling out of windows, drunken drivers/spooked horses, falling trees, wolf encounter in the woods, or so on. The random event is never overly random (Like a lightning strike on a sunny day) and is never a fault of their own body (Heart attack) though it may be a product of their own clumsiness (Slip on stairs). Lasts until midnight that day starting from when they first wake up for that day. Can be used once per day.



    Smoking Gun:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Hate Spark" The Yurei bursts into a 5ft cloud of smoke that obscures vision and causes burning in the eyes and lungs for a -2 penalty to attack rolls and perception checks. Alternatively, flammable objects either precisely or within a 5ft area may start smoking for 1 round before igniting on the 2nd. Can be used 3 times per day +1/2 class levels. At 10 uses it becomes an at-will ability.

    2- "Ember Assassin" The Yurei gathers a cloud of smoke into a medium sized vaguely humanoid form and can act as an intangible creature with 1/4th the Onryo's HP, 1/2 the Onryo's saves and AC, and the same BAB. This smoke-Yurei can be seen by anyone and is capable of igniting flammable objects on contact or "strangling" individuals with it's smoke. It has twice the Onryo's BAB and strength for the purposes of grappling attempts, each round of grappling resulting in asphyxiation. The smoke-Yurei can self destruct to ignite all flammable material within 15ft. Can be used 3 times per day at 1/2 class levels, at 10 uses it becomes at-will. Each smoke figure lasts 2 rounds per Onryo level.

    3- "Choking Smoke" The Yurei latches on to the back of the victim's neck and constantly emits smoke in small amounts causing breathing difficulties in the victim and a burning in the eyes. Perception, concentration, and checks to carry on sustained activity (running, swimming, ect) are at a -5 penalty. Their clothing may randomly catch fire on any roll less than 5, or always catches fire when subject to any fire elemental attack- to which they take 50% extra damage from. The smoke can't be seen by others unless they love the victim. On any roll of 1 throughout the day, the victim takes 1d4 fire damage per HD of the victim up to the HD of the Onryo. Lasts 24 hours, 3 uses per day.

    4- "Billowing Hate" The Yurei ruptures into a cloud of smoke 60ft in diameter that catches flammable objects aflame while obscuring the vision of all in it's area. The smoke is thick to the point those within take 1d4 fire damage per Onryo class level per round in the smoke all the while they suffocate. Lasts 1 round per class level. 3 uses per day.

    5- "Wrath Cloud" The Yurei animates a mass of smoke, generating more as necessary, to become a colossal sized humanoid smoke figure behaving as the stage 4 plus stage 2 effects but can now move up to 120ft per turn and be given commands. It is capable of acting as hurricane force winds. Lasts 1 round per class level. 1 use per day.


    Watery Grave:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Water Window" The Yurei enters a body of water, up to the size of a bathtub, such sink, cup, or so on and links to another body of water within 1mile per class level. The Yurei can see and hear everything that occurs on the other source of water as though the water was a window, and can choose to have the other body of water show the Onryo's face at her leisure. The Onryo can use other Stage 1 Yurei through this watery window but doing so ends the effect. 3+1/2 class level uses per day. Lasts up to 1 minute per class level.

    2- "Water Taint" The Yurei links two bodies of water as with stage 1, but the Onryo can now manipulate that body of water's texture, color, and smell as well as direct the water's movements. It remains water, but can for all non-mechanical intense and purposes function as blood, sludge, or so on. By manipulating the water, the Onryo can exert her normal strength through the body of water so long as it is within the body itself. Such as watery hands holding someone's legs in a bath, holding their arms in a sink, or so on. If it has to manifest outside of the water, it's strength is halved (Such as a watery hand reaching out from said bath/sink/ect). The water cannot move more than 5ft from the source. With this stage 2, the Onryo can now manipulate a body of water the size of a hot tub, or manipulate a basketball sized area of water within a much larger area of water. 3 uses per day, +1/2 class levels. Lasts up to 1 minute per class level. The Onryo can use stage 1 Yurei through this link and not break it, but cannot use stage 2 Yurei through it.

    3- "Water Thief" The Yurei draws out all water from an area 10ft in diameter as though it was never there. This can cancel out water and even ice based spells, and if it targets a person it can dehydrate them in a flash. They take 1d4 damage per HD they possess and become exhausted while their skin becomes dry and their throats parched. If they fail their save by 5 or more, they are rendered unconscious. If they succeed their save (DC = 10 +1/2 class levels + Cha mod) then they take only 1d4 damage, get a little thirsty, and have a -5 on their next save against a fatigue or sleep effect if it occurs within the next six rounds. If this kills someone, they leave a mummified corpse paralyzed in the position they died in. 3 uses per day, +1/2 class levels.

    4- "Floodwater" The Yurei can cause a flood of water to appear, though this water can be manipulated initially as though by Water Taint to make it appear as something else. The flood water gushes as a wall of water 5ft tall out to 60ft in diameter from the origin point before it tapers off down to just wet feet at 120ft beyond the initial 60ft. This water can remain once the effect ends as natural, or vanish entirely leaving behind no wetness at all except on certain individuals if desired. Floodwater can hit someone for 1d12 bludgeoning damage and they must make a strength check against a DC of 25. If they fail, they are carried away to the 80th feet from the origin point then an additional 10ft per point they failed by on the save. They take 1d4 bludgeoning damage per 10ft they travel. If the Onryo wishes, certain individuals can be excluded entirely from Floodwater, making the water pass by them harmlessly not even so much as suffocating them. The amount of water that appears can be reduced if desired for lesser effect. This can be used once per day. Effect is instantaneous or can last up to 1 minute per level before vanishing at the Onryo's discretion.

    5- "River of Souls" The Yurei animate a large body of water as though with "Water Taint" but the water can be manipulated down to fine detail and the water can be made solid on small scales, allowing for things such as bodies and limbs to appear to be created and itself manipulated within the water. The body of water can be the size of a small lake or section of river. The water can't be manipulated to leave more than 15ft from it's original position but can be freely manipulated within it's normal position. The Onryo can go as far as to make the water breathable to select individuals. By using the water offensively to someone within the body of water, the Onryo can cause up to 1d12 damage per class level to all within it. Lasts up to 1 minute per level. 1 use per day. Note: While corpses could appear to be created and even animated, they move slowly on their own and can't deal damage.



    Slash Happy:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Mad Puppetry" The Yurei becomes an aura of murderous intent that surrounds the Onryo allowing the Onryo to guide her body with merciless brutality almost as though puppeteering her own body. Her BAB increases by 1 for every two levels she possesses but does not count of iterative attacks. Slashing damage dealt while this ability is active deals 1/4th damage dealt as bleeding every round losing 1/4th it's damage each time it occurs for up to 4 turns. Round down. If the damage is too low to properly be divided, it instead loses one point of damage every other round. So an attack that deals 8 slashing damage would then deal 2 damage as bleeding on the first round, 2 on the next, 1 on the next, 1 again, then ends. If the attack deals 40 damage it'd then deal 10 bleeding damage, followed by 7, 4, 1, and ending. This lasts 6 rounds and can be used 3 times a day + 1/2 class levels, at-will once usage would become 10 or more.

    2- "Killer's Hand" The Yurei merges with a weapon bathing it in negative energy causing it to emanate a fear aura that causes onlookers to be shaken unless their will save is +8 or greater. On a successful attack with the weapon it causes additional negative energy damage equal to the Onryo's charisma modifier, which heals the Onryo proportionate to the negative energy damage inflicted. A victim damaged in this way becomes Frightened unless they fail a DC 10 + 1/2 class levels + Charisma modifier will save. Further attacks don't increase fear. Fear lasts 1d8 rounds. If the victim was also shaken before receiving the wound they become Sickened as well.

    3- "Bleeding Terror" The Yurei merges with a wounded victim to cause their wounds to become exaggerated and bleed in an over the top manner in addition to blood coming out from all orifices- including eyes. The victim makes a will save, of the usual DC, if they succeed they become Sickened and Shaken while taking 1 point of bleeding damage per round for 1d12 rounds. If they fail, they become Nauseated, blinded and Frightened while taking bleeding damage equal to the Onryo's charisma modifier. If they fail by 5 or more they become Panicked for 1d4 rounds before becoming Unconscious. Witnesses make the same saves but do not take bleeding damage and don't suffer blindness.

    4- "Savage Rending" The Yurei merges with the Onryo to reinforce her body similarly to with Mad Puppetry. The Onryo's BAB increases to equal her level, counting as normal BAB. For every successful hit, the Onryo can make an extra attack at the lowest base attack bonus. Every successful hit at the lowest base attack bonus reduces the attack bonus of the next one by 1. These bonus attacks cannot score critical hits, but every successful attack made while Savage Rending is active causes a stacking amount of bleeding damage equal to 5% the attack's damage (Minimum 1, maximum 5, round down). Savage Rending lasts 8 rounds and can be used once per day.

    5- "Mad Cleaver" The Yurei merges with a weapon giving it an aura of hatred and killing intent thick to the extent that all enemies of a lesser level than the Onryo become Frightened on sight of the weapon. Any hit that deals 25% or more of the victim's health causes limb loss while a critical hit or a hit that deals 50% or more may cut them in half or decapitate them (Or sever a limb instead at the Onryo's leisure). The Mad Cleaver can score a critical hit on a roll 2 less than normal for it's type, and deals 1 step more damage on hit (x3 becoming x4). Any hit with the Mad Cleaver deals negative energy damage equal to the Onryo's charisma modifier, which heals the Onryo by the same amount.



    Shadow Play:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Shadow wrap" The Yurei merges with the shadows and envelops the Onryo. While in areas of low light the Onryo gains a +10 to checks made to avoid detection. If the Onryo remains in place for 2 rounds, the bonus increases to +15. This bonus receives +5 if the area has very little light ( A dark room ). Lasts 1 minute per class level with 3 uses per day, +1/2 class levels.

    2- "Shadow mask" The Yurei merges with the shadows and envelops the Onryo. It functions as Shadow wrap, but if detected or allowing herself to be detected, the bonus then applies to a Disguise check which if successful makes the victim believe they've seen someone else that they know. By reducing the bonus by half, the Onro can attempt to appear as someone specifically including making the victim believe they hear the voice of the framed individual. 3 uses per day. Lasts 1 minute per class level.

    3- "Paranoia" The Yurei merges with the shadows and vanishes. Designating targets, the Yurei makes the victims believe they've seen something they fear in the shadows for brief moments as they turn, or look behind them, in the corners of their vision. The effects of this aren't immediately apparent neither do they have mechanical support. Eventually, however, the victim should progress along a path that should include but is not restricted to; Shaken, Frightened, Cowering, Confusion, or so on. Paranoia lasts for one week per use and can be used once per day. Repeated use on one individual refreshes the duration but otherwise has no added effect. Once per week it can be used to make a target affected by Paranoia "Confused" for 1d20 rounds so long as their HD does not surpass that of the Onryo.

    4- "Shadow body" The Yurei merges with the shadows before merging with the Onryo to blend her body with the shadows. When in darkness the Onryo is considered to be under the effects of Greater Invisibility or Invisibility in areas of low light and is perfectly silent unless intentional sound is made. In light or when detected in low light, the Onryo's body appears to be 2 dimensional and formed of pure blackness with a pale glow to her outline of some color (Not including colors that are too dark as to be nearly black).

    5- "Shadowshape" The Yurei merges with all shadows present near by and can sculpt them to produce the effects of Hallucinatory Terrain over an area 500ft in area. While within that area the Onryo can generate effects as though using Shadow Evocation (Greater) or Shadow Conjuration (Greater) a combined number of times equal to the Onryo's charisma modifier throughout the duration of the effect. Shadowshape lasts 5 minutes per level and can be used once per day.




    Heart Break:
    Spoiler
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    1- "Heartache" The Yurei touches the heart of a victim making them feel as though they have lost something important but don't know what they've lost. On a failed will save of the usual DC, the victim experiences a weight on their heart and mind leaving them "Fatigued" and they have a -2 to avoid sleep effects. Their attitude towards anything and anyone becomes one step closer to neutral and they must make a DC 12 will save to do anything that is not relaxing and out of their usual habitats. Lasts 24 hours, can be used 3 times per day + 1/2 class levels. Repeated usage on one individual stacks only for attitude and increases the will DC to perform actions by 2 per casting.

    2- "Frayed Love" The Yurei steals a part of the victim's heart. On a failed will save of the usual DC, the victim loses it's attitude for anyone they care about. If they come in contact with that individual they lose 1 level of their attitude for that person for every minute of contact even to the point of becoming hostile. On a successful save their attitude drops only 1 step. Others may use diplomacy or the like to try to raise the attitude until they leave eachother's company, but the check is made at -10 against the attempt. 3 uses per day, lasts 24 hours.

    3- "False Heart" The Yurei steals the victim's heart and gives it to someone. On a failed will save of the usual Dc, the victim gains a Helpful attitude towards a subject of the Onryo's choice and fills them with romantic and lustful desires towards that subject. The subject need not be of the same species or of the opposite gender. Lasts 1 week. 2 uses per day. No stacking benefit on multiple uses on the same target beyond extending duration. Whenever False Heart would cause the victim to do something against their normal character (For example, making them sleep with someone when they otherwise wouldn't) they get a new will save to avoid doing that, but the effect remains until they succeed by 10 or more. Children brought about because of False Heart are incapable of feeling positive emotions effectively and are prone to malicious behavior.

    4- "Love Bite" The Yurei twists the heart of a victim as such that on a failed will save they feel an overwhelming urge to consume the object of their affections or those who hold them as the object of their own affections. Whenever meeting someone they like or that likes them, they must make another will save to avoid trying to eat them. They will attempt to grapple, pin, or use coercion or even sleep spells or poisons to devour them. Once their victim is dead, Love Bite ends allowing them to fully feel what they have done. Lasts 24 hours. 3 uses per day.

    5- "Heart Song" The Yurei disperses out into the air to alter the hearts of all those in a 500ft area and fill them with uncontrollable feelings of love and lust for any and everyone else in the area. If they fail a will save of the usual DC, they effectively become mindless and seek out the others to satisfy the new desires of their heart. A new will save can be made every 10 minutes to break free. Lasts 12 hours. 1 use per week.



    Flesh Dance:
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    Mirrored Gaze:
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    >2nd-Kyōfu (Su): "Terrors". Effects directly modifying or augmenting the spectral nature of the Onryo.

    Starting at second level the Onryo starts to change in form, diverging even further from their human past. These changes mutate the "True" form of the Onryo and starting from 2nd level the Onryo now maintains their human form loosely, at any point capable of dropping the facade and assuming a true form built from the various aspects gained. Their Kyofu. Kyofu vary in theme and effect but generally Kyofu have up to three effects. Passive, that is always in effect. Active, that can be activated by revealing their Kyofu. And Integrated. Integrated effects are only gained when the Kyofu is gained, and not after. To gain an Integrated effect the Onryo must accept that Kyofu permanently, and are unable to hide it when assuming their "human" form.

    Kyofu Types:
    Spoiler
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    >3rd-Yūwaku (Su): "Temptations" Effects altering outward perception of the Onryo or highly effective but more easily broken "finishing moves" type effects that can spell the end for isolated individuals.


    >5th-Stage 2: The Onryo is now at "Stage 2".

    At this stage the Onro retains everything from Stage 1 but as modified or gained here.
    - Immune to mind-affecting effects.
    - Immune to disease and poison.
    - Darkvision 60ft + lowlight vision.
    - Regenerate ability damage at a rate of 1 per minute, and ability drain at a rate of 1 per day.
    - Fast Healing 5, becoming Fast Healing 10 when applied to non-lethal damage.
    - +4 to Fortitude saves.
    - Not subject to death from massive damage.
    - Turn resistance of 4.

    x Holy water now only causes unease, but so do holy symbols now.
    x Positive energy no longer heals the Onryo. Negative energy heals at half effectiveness.
    x Can now also be rebuked by a rebuke undead effect.


    >10th-Stage 3: The Onryo is now at "Stage 3"

    At this stage the Onro retains everything from Stage 2 and 1 but as modified or gained here.
    - Immune to paralysis and death effects.
    - Immune to ability drain and ability damage to her physical ability scores.
    - Immune to nonlethal damage, exhaustion, and fatigue.
    - Immune to critical hits.
    - Fast Healing 10.
    - +8 to Fortitude saves.
    - +8 turn resistance.
    - Spell resistance 10.

    x resurrection does not work on the Onryo, her soul and physical presence have united. limited wish, wish, miracle, or true resurrection may still restore her to life.
    x the Onryo is considered an Outsider for binding, banishing, and calling purposes. If banished the Onryo is effectively destroyed until she succeeds a DC 10 + 1/2 caster level of the banisher + the banisher's casting modifier. This save can be made once per day for 3 days, then only once after 7 days. If those all fail, the Onro is no more.


    >15th-Stage 4: The Onryo is now at "Stage 4".

    At this stage the Onro retains everything from Stage 3 and lower but as modified or gained here.
    - Immune to stunning.
    - No longer immune to nonlethal damage(?- Not sure if regeneration works the same in pathfinder, it's a touch confusing regarding nonlethal damage.)
    - Fast Healing 10 becomes Regeneration 10. Regeneration is suspended by positive energy damage and 1 element chosen when the level is gained.
    - Immune to effects requiring a fortitude save unless they are harmless or affect objects.
    - Ability damage recovers at a rate of 2 per round. Ability drain recovers 1/minute.
    - +12 turn resistance.
    - Spell resistance 10 +1/4th class levels.

    x the Onro is now fully considered undead and an outsider for effects related to the undead or outsiders.


    >20th-Stage 5: The Onryo is now at "Stage 5".

    At this stage the Onro retains everything from Stage 4 and lower but as modified or gained here.
    -Regeneration 15, suspended by either positive energy damage OR the 1 element chosen at stage 4.
    - Ability damage recovers at a rate of 5 per turn, and ability drain recovers at a rate of 1 per turn.
    - Spell resistance 10+1/2 class levels.
    - Turn resistance 10+1/2 class levels.

    Last edited by Cipherthe3vil; 2014-08-27 at 02:19 PM.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cipherthe3vil View Post
    These disciples are not often seen in combat, not having to as they danger with ease, but when they do they favor thrown weapons or, rarely, a bow.

    Key skill: Sense Motive. Discerning the patterns in the flow of time is remarkably similar to reading others to intuit what they are playing at.
    Weapon list maybe? Martial disciplines have a key set of specific associated weapons.

    First Level-


    Echo Fist
    Ravenous Epoch (Strike)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Standard action
    Range:see text
    Duration: 1 round
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    A sharp attack that plays with the victim's perceptions of time, inducing powerful déjà vu that leaves the them dazed.

    As part of this maneuver make a basic attack. If you hit, you deal damage as normal and your opponent must make a Will save or become dazed for one round.
    For every 4 ranks you have in Sense Motive, the condition lasts 1 extra round.
    If you have 20 HD or more double the duration.
    WAY too strong. Dazed is often more potent than stun, as almost nothing is immune to dazed and lots of things are immune to stunned. Considered dazzled or something equally less-than-menacing.

    Backflash
    Ravenous Epoch (Counter)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Immediate Action
    Range: 10 feet per IL
    Target: see text
    Duration: 1 round per IL
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    As your target strikes at you, it ripples before you and there stands a much younger version of itself.

    You may initiate this counter whenever you're attacked. Your opponent has to succeed on a Fort save or go down an age category and take 2 negative levels that last 1 round.
    For each 6 ranks you have in Sense Motive, the effect lasts one extra round. If you have 10 or more ranks even enemies immune to negative levels may be affected, but they gain a +5 bonus on their saves.
    If you have 20 HD or more double the duration and they take 5 negative levels.
    Not many counters for level 1, but I did it with my Iron Tortoise discipline, a strong defensive discipline, so I can't fault you. Negative levels are again, WAY too strong. Not really any way to fix this easily either, just too powerful.



    Time Snap
    Ravenous Epoch (Strike)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Standard action
    Range:see text
    Duration: 1 round
    Save: 11+Cha mod

    Letting your power flair, you stop time just long enough to attack once more before anyone has a say in the matter.

    When you initiate this maneuver you can make two basic attacks.
    For every 4 ranks you have in Sense Motive, you get +1 to your attacks.
    If you have 20 HD or more you can deliver a third attack.
    This is strong, but not overly so. Perhaps a -2 penalty, and let the bonus from Sense Motive stand?

    Time Lag
    Ravenous Epoch (Boost)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Swift action
    Target: You
    Duration: 1 round

    Focusing with some difficulty you feel the flow of time. Reaching out, you take hold of it and gather it around you, slowing any who try to get too close.

    When you initiate this boost the air around you ripples and color seems muted.
    All squares in a radius of 5 feet around you count as difficult terrain, including air squares.
    For every 5 ranks you have in Sense Motive this can extends an extra 5 feet away from you. If you have 8 or more ranks in Sense Motive, this effect ignores Freedom of Movement.
    Your own movement isn't limited in any way by this boost, and difficult terrain is left behind as you move.
    If you have 20 HD or more you can double the radius affected and the difficult terrain costs x4 movement rather then x2.
    This, this is a stance. Not a boost.

    Temporal Grace
    Ravenous Epoch (Stance)
    Level:
    xxx 1
    Initiation Action: Swift action
    Target: you.
    Duration: stance

    You take a deep breath and exhale, relaxing your body and easing yourself out of time's grasp. You appear as a blur, moving with increased speed.

    While you remain in this stance you increase your speed by 20ft and enemies gain a 15% miss chance against you.
    If you have 20 HD or more, your speed increases by 30ft and enemies gain a 30% miss chance.
    Too strong, Iron Heart has a stance that increases speed at 3rd level, not first, and no miss chance. Perhaps a +2 Dodge bonus, but a -2 to attacks as you're too fast to easily coordinate?



    Overall, kind of too strong. I've written quite a few disciplines, so I'm hoping my word will carry a little bit of experience. I have a similar discipline called Riven Hourglass. Also, the 20HD or more thing? I'd drop that; there isn't any call for it in other disciplines published or homebrew, and it doesn't make sense as disciplines are very static and linear.

    Keep at it though, and don't let me knock the wind from your sails. Just tone it down a bit, and examine other disciplines for ideas on proper scaling.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Backflash will actually kill anyone of 2 HD or less. Echo Fist is a neat concept, but a death sentence, since you can easily be getting up to three rounds of dazing or more at relatively low levels. Time Flash is harder to judge, because I don't feel like it's necessarily overpowered, but it's definitely better than other similar maneuvers from the core book. The stance also seems much stronger than Child of Shadows, which is a relatively solid 1st-level stance.

    The idea of maneuvers that scale with HD is very intriguing. The 20 HD abilities might be a little silly, though, just because so little of the game takes place post-level-20. Maybe something like "if you have the ability to use maneuvers of level X", where X is this maneuver's level +5. So if you can use 6th level maneuvers, your 1st level ones get better, making them potentially useful to prepare again.
    Last edited by Eurus; 2012-10-17 at 06:20 PM.
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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    I love the concept enough that I was going to give you a critique, but once I saw ErrantX had posted, I knew a critique from me would be unnecessary. And I was right; everything he said, I second, and there's nothing really to add. I especially second the part about keeping at it. It's a great concept for a discipline, and I'm excited to see what you do with it.
    Thanks to Dashwood for the avatar!

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Well, I must admit, I feel a bit bad now.
    I honestly didn't really see much issue with balance here, then again I think I did confuse dazzled with dazed for the first one.
    Then again I was kinda looking at this from the view point that I believe martial classes deserve some really nice stuff, as in most games, they get the shaft at later levels.

    So my bad on saying I thought this was balanced when it seems others seem to think the other thing. Sorry I gave you a false idea of balance, it was not my intention.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    My question is, what disciplines are you balancing against?

    Because I have seen 3 general power levels:

    1. By the Book: Here, your getting damage boost, and maybe some nice tricks. Kind of get a bit lackluster, but whatevs.

    2. Xefas Level: I call it this because of the disciplines he has based off of Exalted. This type of discipline scales by level, gives you neat, unique effects that greatly shape how you play your character, and are generally my preferred kind of Discipline. Examples include most of The Demented One's Disciplines, and any discipline that Xefas has made (except maybe that druidic one he made forever ago.)

    I like that level best because they really embrace what "a 9th level maneuver should be at the same power level as a 6th or 7th level spell"; their capstone Maneuvers tend to be stuff like:

    "If this strike kills your opponent, they can't be resurrected. Ever."

    or

    "This strike creates a sandstorm a mile in radius. You can ride it. Like a horse."

    or

    "you move so fast that, if you cascade your maneuvers right, you could create 27 duplicates of yourself for a round"

    or

    "you punch a guy several miles. They make a crater. There is a feat that augments this maneuver by letting you punch people so hard they appear in the Abyss."

    They also tend to have stuff like boosts that last 5 rounds, unique meshes of mechanics (the Sleeping Goddess discipline gives you Power Points, and you get boosts that let you manifest mindblades. The Infernal Monster discipline drives you into stacking rages, where you can't do anything but attack and you can't recover any maneuvers except from a few specific disciplines. The Malfeasant Heart gives you the sweet, sweet ability to nuke a mile radius, and generally is a fusion of "NUCLEAR FIRE!" and "I AM THE KING! OBEY!". And so on and so forth.)

    While this sounds uber-ultra powerful, it ends up being pretty darn balanced against higher level enemies (and are generally quirky and fun in what they let you do.)

    3. Oslecamo's Touhou-based Disciplines over on minmaxboards: They are, quite frankly, intended to squeeze martial characters up to Tier 2 by shear "woah"-ness. The 1st level maneuvers tend to look like what you already have posted. Of course, both Oslecamo and the rest of the people working on those Disciplines full out state that they are designing to a much higher power level.

    So, which one do you want to aim for? I'd say aim for 2, and then try to think of mega-awesome tricks that you think would be sexy-fine for a time traveling discipline. Though you could continue on the path of 3 if you felt like it.

    Or you could do 1, if you were a boring person. Really, add some pizzazz.
    Last edited by Amechra; 2012-10-18 at 12:45 AM.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Quote Originally Posted by Eurus View Post
    Backflash will actually kill anyone of 2 HD or less.
    The oddest part being that it would then later raise them as a wight. I... really wish negative levels worked differently. Not that you can't put in a clause that says "These work like negative levels but aren't negative energy based and don't make undead.", but I feel like it should be unnecessary for you to do so.

    ---

    Anyway, my (ostensibly relevant) advice:

    You had a cool idea for a discipline. You appear to have had several neat ideas for what a person with that discipline could do. And you seem to want maneuvers to scale. All good things.

    But it doesn't look, to me, like you have any idea in mind about how the discipline is going to progress, both conceptually and mechanically.

    Making a discipline is more akin to making a base class than it is to, say, a spell (psionic power, soulmeld, vestige, etc). It's not just one idea, but an entire progression of a theme all the way from Level 1 Village Militiaman to Level 20 Cosmos Treading Hero.

    I think, if you actually want to finish the thing, and have it all be coherent and awesome, your best bet would be to go back to the drawing board and decide what each level of maneuver means as far as your theme goes.

    Currently, the Level 1 Militiaman equivalent for your discipline can stop time, age-regress people by decades (or more), and shut off someone's brain for ~12 seconds. Where are you going from here? Not just mechanically, but thematically. For eight more levels of maneuvers?

    Start small. Imagine a new apprentice learning your discipline. What can they do? What can the head of the class do that the starting apprentices can't? What can the master do that his students can't? What can his master do? What can the secret level 20+ probably-plane-hopping grandmaster that invented the damn thing, all the way up to its level 9 capstone maneuver, do that no one else can do?

    At least, this is what I've come to learn after having started and not finished several disciplines, myself. I'm in the planning phase of re-doing one, however. This is my .txt file:

    Spoiler
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    Level 1: Dishwasher. Potato Peeler. (Strike: Peeling Ten Thousand Potatoes)
    Level 2-3: Prep Cook. Mise En Place. Equipment management. Stock making.
    Level 4-5: Cook. Sauteing, grilling, poaching, frying.
    Level 6-7: Chef. Organizing. Overseeing. Specializing.
    Level 8-9: Dumb Gonzo ****

    Mechanical Themes: Preparation Bonuses, Boosting/Serving Allies, Accruing Bonuses Over Time, Secondary Non-Combat Effects


    Now, when I go to actually write maneuvers, I can look and go "Alright, level 4 maneuver. Better make something about sauteing a thing. I bet I could make the continual flips of a saute pan a metaphor for... accruing bonuses over time!"

    "Level 6 maneuver? Well, I can make a maneuver about a Chef organizing his brigade according to their strengths and weaknesses, which can... give boosts to my allies!"

    And so on. So, if yours read "Level 1: Alter perceptions of time.", then you could think "Alright, what are three to five ways you can alter the perception of time?" write those down, and make maneuvers out of them. Then, if it reads "Level 6-7: Move physically through time.", you can start writing out stuff about your future self going back in time to double-team-punch-flank with your present self, and stick mechanics to that, and so on.

    Just an idea. And certainly not the only way to do things. But it's where I'm at, at the moment.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Does this mean...

    That the Adamantine Chef could be completed?!

    Oh Frabjous Day!

    And I agree with your advice, as well.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Thanks for all the comments. And they were all actually helpful and not just telling me I suck XD

    I was pretty busy since I said I was going to start on the second, glad I didn't start just yet.

    The most helpful thing was pointing out who has brew'd disciplines already, I was searching and couldn't find any so I was left with only one source with which to compare. *Looks at everyone else's*

    One thing that I didn't get well enough is what the difference is between a Boost and a Stance. Or indeed what a Stance is really supposed to be, since they seem special with a separate system to obtain them.


    *Lingers*... so much stuff to reply to


    Quote Originally Posted by Amechra View Post
    My question is, what disciplines are you balancing against?

    Because I have seen 3 general power levels:

    1. By the Book: Here, your getting damage boost, and maybe some nice tricks. Kind of get a bit lackluster, but whatevs.
    Boring as All's-hell, I could never.

    2. Xefas Level: I call it this because of the disciplines he has based off of Exalted. This type of discipline scales by level, gives you neat, unique effects that greatly shape how you play your character, and are generally my preferred kind of Discipline. Examples include most of The Demented One's Disciplines, and any discipline that Xefas has made (except maybe that druidic one he made forever ago.)
    I like that level best because they really embrace what "a 9th level maneuver should be at the same power level as a 6th or 7th level spell"; their capstone Maneuvers tend to be stuff like:
    "If this strike kills your opponent, they can't be resurrected. Ever."
    or
    "This strike creates a sandstorm a mile in radius. You can ride it. Like a horse."
    or
    "you move so fast that, if you cascade your maneuvers right, you could create 27 duplicates of yourself for a round"
    or
    "you punch a guy several miles. They make a crater. There is a feat that augments this maneuver by letting you punch people so hard they appear in the Abyss."
    They also tend to have stuff like boosts that last 5 rounds, unique meshes of mechanics (the Sleeping Goddess discipline gives you Power Points, and you get boosts that let you manifest mindblades. The Infernal Monster discipline drives you into stacking rages, where you can't do anything but attack and you can't recover any maneuvers except from a few specific disciplines. The Malfeasant Heart gives you the sweet, sweet ability to nuke a mile radius, and generally is a fusion of "NUCLEAR FIRE!" and "I AM THE KING! OBEY!". And so on and so forth.)
    While this sounds uber-ultra powerful, it ends up being pretty darn balanced against higher level enemies (and are generally quirky and fun in what they let you do.)

    3. Oslecamo's Touhou-based Disciplines over on minmaxboards: They are, quite frankly, intended to squeeze martial characters up to Tier 2 by shear "woah"-ness. The 1st level maneuvers tend to look like what you already have posted. Of course, both Oslecamo and the rest of the people working on those Disciplines full out state that they are designing to a much higher power level.

    So, which one do you want to aim for? I'd say aim for 2, and then try to think of mega-awesome tricks that you think would be sexy-fine for a time traveling discipline. Though you could continue on the path of 3 if you felt like it.

    Or you could do 1, if you were a boring person. Really, add some pizzazz.




    Ah... well I searched and I couldn't find anything to compare against. I couldn't find crap to use as a guideline except.... Oslecamo's Venerable Battlefield.... Which is for gods. So ^_^; Yea. I would say this is like 2.5 on your scale.





    Quote Originally Posted by ErrantX View Post
    Weapon list maybe? Martial disciplines have a key set of specific associated weapons.

    I was hesitant about that. I wasn't totally sure if you were supposed to include one or not, so I tried to just point it out in the description. I'll do that.


    WAY too strong. Dazed is often more potent than stun, as almost nothing is immune to dazed and lots of things are immune to stunned. Considered dazzled or something equally less-than-menacing.

    Ah... I had some reservations about using Dazed, but the others didn't quite capture what I had in mind. But on reflection it is a touch overpowered even by my standards.


    Not many counters for level 1, but I did it with my Iron Tortoise discipline, a strong defensive discipline, so I can't fault you. Negative levels are again, WAY too strong. Not really any way to fix this easily either, just too powerful.

    I wasn't thinking too much when I entered negative levels and left it at that. I should have stopped to think on the implications of a negative level better. The intention was for a moment they are weaker, as if to a previous age and experience. I'll definitely rework it (Especially since someone pointed out that anyone killed by a negative level turns into a wight XD)



    This is strong, but not overly so. Perhaps a -2 penalty, and let the bonus from Sense Motive stand?

    Definitely reasonable, their attention could be split a little while trying to stop time long enough to get the second attack in.



    This, this is a stance. Not a boost.

    I'm not very aware of the differences. When I'm done replying I'll go look at other homebrewed disciplines and check. Until then it looks like just changing it to stance and perhaps getting rid of the other stance which is apparently very improperly leveled.



    Too strong, Iron Heart has a stance that increases speed at 3rd level, not first, and no miss chance. Perhaps a +2 Dodge bonus, but a -2 to attacks as you're too fast to easily coordinate?

    Would that make it more of a boost? It sounds like a boost just going on feeling. If so it could replace/swap with the other boost which is really a stance it would seem.



    Overall, kind of too strong. I've written quite a few disciplines, so I'm hoping my word will carry a little bit of experience. I have a similar discipline called Riven Hourglass. Also, the 20HD or more thing? I'd drop that; there isn't any call for it in other disciplines published or homebrew, and it doesn't make sense as disciplines are very static and linear.

    Keep at it though, and don't let me knock the wind from your sails. Just tone it down a bit, and examine other disciplines for ideas on proper scaling.

    -X

    The 20HD is for epic games where I feel that a time user would be better at home at, actually being weaker at the lower levels then unlocking at 20+HD. It was also because the only discipline I was using as a base did that so I went along with it ^_^;


    Quote Originally Posted by Eurus View Post
    Backflash will actually kill anyone of 2 HD or less. Echo Fist is a neat concept, but a death sentence, since you can easily be getting up to three rounds of dazing or more at relatively low levels. Time Flash is harder to judge, because I don't feel like it's necessarily overpowered, but it's definitely better than other similar maneuvers from the core book. The stance also seems much stronger than Child of Shadows, which is a relatively solid 1st-level stance.

    Ah... Well I didn't actually intend for the reverse-aging thing to be lethal on it's own. Again, back to the me not paying real attention to negative levels (Aka, I got lazy/rushed)


    Maybe something like "if you have the ability to use maneuvers of level X", where X is this maneuver's level +5. So if you can use 6th level maneuvers, your 1st level ones get better, making them potentially useful to prepare again.

    Mmm. Elaborate? I don't know much about maneuvers so if you could expand on that it would be great, sounds like something I'd want to use.


    Quote Originally Posted by DrewVolker View Post
    Well, I must admit, I feel a bit bad now.
    I honestly didn't really see much issue with balance here, then again I think I did confuse dazzled with dazed for the first one.
    Then again I was kinda looking at this from the view point that I believe martial classes deserve some really nice stuff, as in most games, they get the shaft at later levels.

    So my bad on saying I thought this was balanced when it seems others seem to think the other thing. Sorry I gave you a false idea of balance, it was not my intention.


    It's just fine. Maybe you feel a bit silly but it's fine. I was glad to have any comment at the time, and it did kick-start this thread.



    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    Anyway, my (ostensibly relevant) advice:

    You had a cool idea for a discipline. You appear to have had several neat ideas for what a person with that discipline could do. And you seem to want maneuvers to scale. All good things.

    But it doesn't look, to me, like you have any idea in mind about how the discipline is going to progress, both conceptually and mechanically.

    Making a discipline is more akin to making a base class than it is to, say, a spell (psionic power, soulmeld, vestige, etc). It's not just one idea, but an entire progression of a theme all the way from Level 1 Village Militiaman to Level 20 Cosmos Treading Hero.

    I think, if you actually want to finish the thing, and have it all be coherent and awesome, your best bet would be to go back to the drawing board and decide what each level of maneuver means as far as your theme goes.

    I'd disagree a bit. I know what I see when I picture then. My issues are translating it from just thoughts, feelings, and impressions into a solid layout of text and crunchiness.

    But at the same time it does still stand, with regard to actual mechanics I am at a loss. Doesn't help that I've barely ever touched martial stuff at all. Don't think I've ever played one, or seriously looked at a class other then god that was an initiator.

    My individual theme for the levels is very loose, so doing as you said could be for the best... I'm not good at planning however. I've got more then a few projects I've ditched because I simply "Wasn't feeling it anymore"... planned or not.


    Currently, the Level 1 Militiaman equivalent for your discipline can stop time, age-regress people by decades (or more), and shut off someone's brain for ~12 seconds. Where are you going from here? Not just mechanically, but thematically. For eight more levels of maneuvers?

    Start small. Imagine a new apprentice learning your discipline. What can they do? What can the head of the class do that the starting apprentices can't? What can the master do that his students can't? What can his master do? What can the secret level 20+ probably-plane-hopping grandmaster that invented the damn thing, all the way up to its level 9 capstone maneuver, do that no one else can do?

    In perspective it does seem a bit much :P
    I should lessen it. Though I was intending to "start small". My only scale, however, was measured against gods... xD



    At least, this is what I've come to learn after having started and not finished several disciplines, myself. I'm in the planning phase of re-doing one, however. This is my .txt file:

    Spoiler
    Show

    Level 1: Dishwasher. Potato Peeler. (Strike: Peeling Ten Thousand Potatoes)
    Level 2-3: Prep Cook. Mise En Place. Equipment management. Stock making.
    Level 4-5: Cook. Sauteing, grilling, poaching, frying.
    Level 6-7: Chef. Organizing. Overseeing. Specializing.
    Level 8-9: Dumb Gonzo ****

    Mechanical Themes: Preparation Bonuses, Boosting/Serving Allies, Accruing Bonuses Over Time, Secondary Non-Combat Effects


    Now, when I go to actually write maneuvers, I can look and go "Alright, level 4 maneuver. Better make something about sauteing a thing. I bet I could make the continual flips of a saute pan a metaphor for... accruing bonuses over time!"

    "Level 6 maneuver? Well, I can make a maneuver about a Chef organizing his brigade according to their strengths and weaknesses, which can... give boosts to my allies!"

    And so on. So, if yours read "Level 1: Alter perceptions of time.", then you could think "Alright, what are three to five ways you can alter the perception of time?" write those down, and make maneuvers out of them. Then, if it reads "Level 6-7: Move physically through time.", you can start writing out stuff about your future self going back in time to double-team-punch-flank with your present self, and stick mechanics to that, and so on.

    Just an idea. And certainly not the only way to do things. But it's where I'm at, at the moment.
    I can do that. I'm used to just feeling what I want and letting it out (Sometimes with the mindset "And let whatever anyone else thinks be damned!", to be honest. Usually because I couldn't really do any fixing since it was out and I was moving on. But yea...)
    This is new territory so I don't know how to release it so some proper setting up is in order...


    Time to go do some reading now that I know where to find some other works to compare with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    The oddest part being that it would then later raise them as a wight.
    We need stats for some kind of temporal wraith now. They could have some kind of aging/deaging attack and be a manifestation of the fabric of time continuing to unravel unchecked. Of course, quaruts, the inevitables that serve as D&D's version of the clockroach trope, would eventually get involved. Perhaps temporal wraiths die off if they fail to feed, so quaruts only get involved if there is a temporal wraithocalypse or one of them advances enough hit die to become a paradox wraith.
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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    I also feel like I should suggest that, if you're mostly interested in doing high-level stuff, without necessarily mucking about with such a lengthy progression, there are the largely unnoticed and unused Epic Discipline rules, courtesy of The Demented One. The linked thread contains his example Epic Discipline. To my knowledge, the only other one to exist is, well, mine.

    I think it would be cool to see more of those. Just a thought?

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cipherthe3vil View Post
    Ah... well I searched and I couldn't find anything to compare against. I couldn't find crap to use as a guideline except.... Oslecamo's Venerable Battlefield.... Which is for gods. So ^_^; Yea. I would say this is like 2.5 on your scale.
    In the Homebrew Tier Compendium I made a huge-ass list of disciplines, which I later planned to grade by power, theme, skill and associated weapons. (And maybe give them seal of approval.) It's still on my "to do" list for the HTC, but I put it off after posting that list, because getting all that stuff together alone was... quite a workload.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I think it would be cool to see more of those. Just a thought?
    I have... notes.
    Last edited by Morph Bark; 2012-10-18 at 03:31 PM.
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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I also feel like I should suggest that, if you're mostly interested in doing high-level stuff, without necessarily mucking about with such a lengthy progression, there are the largely unnoticed and unused Epic Discipline rules, courtesy of The Demented One. The linked thread contains his example Epic Discipline. To my knowledge, the only other one to exist is, well, mine.

    I think it would be cool to see more of those. Just a thought?
    That looks perfect. If I could finish this, then I can extend it with that instead of trying to make this work for both.


    Quote Originally Posted by Morph Bark View Post
    In the Homebrew Tier Compendium I made a huge-ass list of disciplines, which I later planned to grade by power, theme, skill and associated weapons. (And maybe give them seal of approval.) It's still on my "to do" list for the HTC, but I put it off after posting that list, because getting all that stuff together alone was... quite a workload.
    Ah. I forgot all about that.
    My mind has been very preoccupied the last few days. I knew I was a bit scattered o-0 But there is a lot of stuff I should have been aware of or done that I didn't.


    I fix'd the level ones. I'll post an update when I finish the second set, which will be a while since I'm not going to continue until I'm done reading all other home-brewed disciplines or until I feel I understand it fully.
    Last edited by Cipherthe3vil; 2012-10-19 at 06:01 PM.

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    Default Re: Ravenous Epoch (Martial School) (Peach-Help-Wip-ect)

    Do the Level 1 abilities (i.e. their slowly becoming undead) replace their normal racial abilities?
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