Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again

[LordShotGun]

Not going to lie, you've got some pretty choppy water ahead of you. That said, it's easier to deal with this sort of stuff if you break it down into bits:

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1) Your female room-mate. What were your feelings towards her a month ago and what were your feelings about her last night?

No different. I don't think any differently about her

2) Do you want to be in a relationship with her? I'm guessing "no" from what you've said. If you talk completely and openly with her about this (and this might be easier than you think because I'm certain she wants to talk to you about what happened) then the rest of this becomes a lot easier to deal with.

I believe I did say something like this last night (that it was a one time thing) but it could always use repeating

3) Be direct about this. Seriously. If you talk to her with allusions it's going to make things even more awkward and complicated. Something along the lines of "While I like you as a friend, last night was a mistake and I do not want to repeat it, given how awkward it has made things for all of us. I hope you understand."

She is still sleeping off the booze so I guess im waiting now

4) Once you've smoothed things over with your room-mate (and the sooner you do this the easier it will be), you need to ask her about her "friend with benefits" (I dislike the term "boytoy" immensly). Again, this is just a guess but give her a chance to speak with him first before you do because he's going to be very annoyed with you. I would say avoid him for the moment if possible, at least until your lady friend has done this.

They already did and the broke up. Although she was considering doing that anyway but she still took it really hard

5) The only thing scientifically proven to travel faster than light is workplace gossip, especially if it involves a love triangle. If your colleagues don't know now, within the next day or two they probably will. It all depends on the 26-year old. If he's feeling angry, he's probably let the cat out of the bag.

Really I am not too worried about workplace gossip about me. But I know it would make her uncomfortable. Don't know what I can do about this if anything.

6) It will be a lot easier to deal with your workmates if you've spoken to your room-mate and cleared things up between you. Once you're clear about what's going to happen between you two, you can just repeat that until your colleagues get bored. If they keep poking your for sordid details, do your best to ignore them or tell them to get lost.

I suppose I will have to wait and see how she wants to deal with this but sound advice none the less.

7) The key thing to remember is this: what happened was between you and your room-mate. That's the relationship you need to fix right now. Work on that.

That's the problem. I don't know how things are between us now. Personally I am fine with calling it a mistake and moving on (I think I am a bit of a sociopath since I don't seem to be affected by negative emotions that much or perhaps I just have good emotional heath (according to this artical I just googled

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http://www.helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm.

I mean I feel a little bad right now and obviously I feel I need to talk about it but more so that I feel bad that I may have hurt her not so much that I have hurt myself. I KNOW I will be fine, I can't say the same for her.

Sound advice and my responses in bold.

Perhaps a little background info could help? I am a 22 year old male, 6'1, 230 pounds, heavily muscled (I lost about 60 pounds of fat and gain lots of muscle over a year thanks to a very physical job I have). I am just about to graduate college with 3 two year degrees (Associates in arts, computer networking, and computer programming). I work as a cart pusher at walmart. Not a glamorous job but I get to talk to tons of interesting people (one 92 year old man who was a medic in the D-Day invasion) and it pays my bills with a few hundred left over each month.

I was kicked out of the house twice, once by my mother when she remarried, and again by my dad when he remarried. So I meet my now roommate who is a customer service manager at walmart and she mentioned she had a spare bedroom. So now I pay the electric and cable bill and she takes care of everything else (the house is paid for so no rent). Everything was going fine for about 3 months and now this happens.

[dehro]

I suggest you wait and see what happens. she might shrug it off, she might have forgotten all about it, she might have been looking for a pretext to break up with her boytoy, she might blame you and it may or may not have any consequence on your living arrangements.
you'll have to be patient and wait to see how and if she reacts at all.. if nothing at all happens and it is all brushed under the carpet.. make of it what you will...you could just learn the lesson and move on..
at worst it will become an issue and there will be consequences, but until she's made up her mind on how to proceed from there, there's little you can do to "make it better".
you both blundered, she more so than you.. but she's holding the best cards in her hand, on account of you depending on her for a place to stay... this levels the field..or tilts it in her favour. but until she speaks her mind, you shouldn't beat yourself over the head over this.

[The Succubus]

Have a think on this for a while. As you said, things were going pretty well for the two of you for three months. It's a pretty long time and if there were going to be any personality clashes between the two of you they'd have flared up by now, especially if its just the two of you living alone. She also offered the spare room to you, which means that she likes you in some form or another and that's the bit we need to be clear on.

Think back over these past three months. Has she done anything flirty with you at all, or given you any reason to suspect she might like you as more than a friend? The next time the two of you have one beer too many, do you think this will happen again?

It sounds like you might not need to talk to her but instead listen to what she has to say and really chew it over. Don't be in a rush to do this bit though. Although your conscience is screaming at you to do this the nano-second she's capable of speaking, it'll be far more productive if you do it tomorrow evening. Maybe sit down on the sofa together with a cup of coffee each as it'll help with the awkward pauses (of which there may be one or two).

Good luck Shotty.

[LordShotGun]

Have a think on this for a while. As you said, things were going pretty well for the two of you for three months. It's a pretty long time and if there were going to be any personality clashes between the two of you they'd have flared up by now, especially if its just the two of you living alone. She also offered the spare room to you, which means that she likes you in some form or another and that's the bit we need to be clear on.

Think back over these past three months. Has she done anything flirty with you at all, or given you any reason to suspect she might like you as more than a friend? The next time the two of you have one beer too many, do you think this will happen again?

It sounds like you might not need to talk to her but instead listen to what she has to say and really chew it over. Don't be in a rush to do this bit though. Although your conscience is screaming at you to do this the nano-second she's capable of speaking, it'll be far more productive if you do it tomorrow evening. Maybe sit down on the sofa together with a cup of coffee each as it'll help with the awkward pauses (of which there may be one or two).

Good luck Shotty.

Sad thing is my conscience is NOT screaming at me and that makes me sad. I expected to be feeling...something. Not just apathy. I am not worried about my living situation, as I am her only access to a vehicle and she was having cash problems that I managed to stabilize for her. She doesn't have any kids, thankfully, so no problems there.

As for the past three months...yeah she has been really flirty. I didn't think much of it, but considering just the SHEAR AMOUNT OF CRAP (I mean, the dang house was falling apart) I have fixed for her, perhaps she was feeling thankful? I guess the whole waking up to her sleeping naked on the couch would have been a good hint. Also, I guess I am the first person in years that can keep up with her mentally. She was so used to talking with stupid/ignorant/uneducated (take your pick) people that when I came along, she always wants to talk to me.

[The Succubus]

Some final words and a general bit of advice.

One of my favourite TV shows is Babylon 5. There's a character in it by the name of Mr Morden and he works for some extremely powerful people. In his debut appearence, he walks around the station chatting to the various ambassadors but in the end his questions and goals boil down to one simple phrase:

"What do you want?"

It's a question that more folks should ask themselves and know the answer to. Once you know what you want in your heart of hearts, you can become a force to be reckoned with when you go after it.

[LordShotGun]

Some final words and a general bit of advice.

One of my favourite TV shows is Babylon 5. There's a character in it by the name of Mr Morden and he works for some extremely powerful people. In his debut appearence, he walks around the station chatting to the various ambassadors but in the end his questions and goals boil down to one simple phrase:

"What do you want?"

It's a question that more folks should ask themselves and know the answer to. Once you know what you want in your heart of hearts, you can become a force to be reckoned with when you go after it.

Unimportant blathering.

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Easy enough. I came to terms with my lack of ambition long ago. I want a physically active job (since I am a lazy man that needs forced activity or I will get fat again) that may or may not be a full 40 hour work week that allows me to have enough money to save some to travel occasionally.

I don't want to cure cancer, or discover a new metal, or solve the energy crisis. I just want a normal boring life in which there is always internet access.

Thus my focus is to go work for comcast/xfinity/whatevercablecompany as an installation tech. It will keep me active, allow me to work with electronics and people, and give me free high speed internet.

As for what I want with her...I really did enjoy myself last night and she is an intelligent women but the age gap will be hard to bridge and I may not even want to bridge it. I suppose we shall see.

[Heliomance]

I've stalled out on OKC. I've hit the problem that every girl it reckons would be a reasonable match with me I've already either messaged already or looked at and decided I'm not interested.

[LordShotGun]

Just in case anyone cares, I took all your advice and just talked with my roommate and everything is now fine.

[Lord Loss]

I always find that, as a rule, the people I'm attracted to are invariably the ones who don't like me. Plenty of people like me, it's just never the ones that I'm into. Anyone else feel like that?

@Heliomance Consider switching to a different online dating site? I've never had any experience with them (I'm a minor), so I couldn't tell you which ones are any good, but there are plenty lots of other decent ones out there.

@LordShotgun Good to see you worked things out.

[Marillion]

So I just found out my ex sent a facebook message a month ago to S, the girl I've had a longstanding crush on, trying to get her to go out with me. And I wondered why she hadn't been talking to me as much lately.

And in other news, I managed to properly introduce myself and ask to coffee a girl I'd been looking at for a couple weeks. She had to decline, as she's stage manager of a play the university is doing currently and it was a big night for them. I don't know if she's saying "I'd like to but can't" or if she's saying "I'm politely rejecting your advance", but either way, I'm glad I did it. Turns out, it's not so hard.

[Verte]

So, I've never posted in these threads before, I usually only post sporadically, and I don't really have any woes at the moment, but I still feel I could use some advice, or at least a chance to get some minor stuff off my chest. Also, spoilered for length and rambling.

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There have been a few issues that have been on my mind lately. First of all, a few months ago I stopped seeing a guy who I had been practically dating on and off for about a year or so. That has left me left me feeling like I'm not ready for a proper relationship right now or until I suss out other personal issues, but I'm not sure - I mean, if someone great comes along, maybe I should give it a go. Second of all, I also feel like I don't have any friends. I have a good relationship with my family, fortunately, but I don't feel like I have anyone who I can get in touch with to talk or hang out with or whatever where there isn't that odd family dynamic. Third, I think I'm kind of bad at reading what people think of me unless they actually tell me straight out.

Anyway, there are a couple of guys in this class I'm taking, who I'll call A and B. I've talked to A a few times outside of class, and well, he seems like someone who I would like to be friends with. Problem is, the semester's ending soon, and I have no way to stay in touch with A at this point. Would it seem weird to just say that I'd like to stay in touch and exchange contact info?

With B, I have a hard time reading what he thinks of me - it seems like he's flirtatious with me some of the time, but we've only had one real conversation outside of class. Sure, we seem to get along well enough in class, but I feel like if he were actually interested in me, he would try to talk to me when he has the chance. We sit close together in class - he actually moved from across the room to a chair a few feet over from mine - but, he doesn't make an effort to talk to me during class breaks (this class is several hours long). The thing is, is that I do like him and I think he's attractive, but there are some things about him that rub me the wrong way. I'm also concerned that maybe I'm looking for interest when it isn't there just to feel better about myself. I don't have any of B's contact info, so I would actually have to talk about staying in touch in order to do so, which I'm worried might be taken in a weird way. Also, I think that I'd want to be friends with B, too, but I'm not sure about any dating for a few more months. However, I'm also worried that I'll regret not doing something, since I can't count on being in another class with this guy, and since I've regretted not taking action with people I like in the past.

[Serpentine]

Alright, first of all, how old are you, and are you in high school/your country's equivalent? (I just need the context)

Secondly, asking someone for some means of contacting them is totally fine. You can also offer them yours so it's their decision, but that's really six to one half dozen to the other; the ideal would probably be both. Nowadays the easiest way is just to look them up on Facebook if you have one.

Thirdly, the impression I get is that you're not actually really all that into B. Enjoying some flirting and attention is fine; you don't need to intend to get into a relationship in order to enjoy it. I'd personally go with looking at developing a friendship with both these guys before considering dating, and working out how you actually feel about them. Remember, you don't need to be dating; you only do it if you want to. And sometimes a friendship just requires one of you to step up and make it happen. You might like to consider inviting both of them to some sort of outing or activity, as friends.

[Coidzor]

Some final words and a general bit of advice.

One of my favourite TV shows is Babylon 5. There's a character in it by the name of Mr Morden and he works for some extremely powerful people. In his debut appearence, he walks around the station chatting to the various ambassadors but in the end his questions and goals boil down to one simple phrase:

"What do you want?"

It's a question that more folks should ask themselves and know the answer to. Once you know what you want in your heart of hearts, you can become a force to be reckoned with when you go after it.

It's sad, but I swore to myself that I'd never be the stupid besotted fool who lets himself become the captive of one woman.

And yet here I am.

My roommates even brought up that I'd started saying her name in my bloody sleep again.

FML. So hard. So very, very hard.

Edit: I mean, it wouldn't be so bad, but I just found out I'm seriously got a problem with sleeptalking. Sleep talking. Next thing I know I'll start sleep walking.

And to think, I'd thought I'd moved on. But no, just moved to sleep-talking about it. Blargh!

[Sholos]

I learned something about myself recently. I apparently am completely incapable of interacting with single girls without them thinking I'm flirting with them, or hitting on them, or some sort of reaction like that. Also, none of them like it. Also, I am completely incapable of continuing contact with a single girl for more than a little bit before she (apparently) decides I'm not worth the time and will stop talking to me. The best part is that I don't know how to fix it because as far as I'm concerned I'm being friendly the entire time. Apparently I am very, very bad at being a friend and very good at being the creepy guy.

[dehro]

It's sad, but I swore to myself that I'd never be the stupid besotted fool who lets himself become the captive of one woman.

And yet here I am.

My roommates even brought up that I'd started saying her name in my bloody sleep again.

FML. So hard. So very, very hard.

Edit: I mean, it wouldn't be so bad, but I just found out I'm seriously got a problem with sleeptalking. Sleep talking. Next thing I know I'll start sleep walking.

And to think, I'd thought I'd moved on. But no, just moved to sleep-talking about it. Blargh!

my sister sleep-talks occasionally. as a kid she once started to get dressed at 3 am, telling us she had to go buy salami.
we had a right laugh about that..
also, for a while, every couple of days we'd make up stuff she'd been alledgedly talking about.
we stopped that little game when she started to get just a little freaked out..

[The Succubus]

It's sad, but I swore to myself that I'd never be the stupid besotted fool who lets himself become the captive of one woman.

And yet here I am.

My roommates even brought up that I'd started saying her name in my bloody sleep again.

FML. So hard. So very, very hard.

Edit: I mean, it wouldn't be so bad, but I just found out I'm seriously got a problem with sleeptalking. Sleep talking. Next thing I know I'll start sleep walking.

And to think, I'd thought I'd moved on. But no, just moved to sleep-talking about it. Blargh!

Bleh, I hear you Coid. My ex has been running through my mind lately as well. Part of me wants to get in touch with her again and try and rekindle a friendship. The smarter part of me knows that it'd be incredibly awkward and I'd only feel bad every time she mentions her new lover. Oy. =/

On the plus side, at least you're not sleep-humping, because that would be really bad.

[snoopy13a]

I learned something about myself recently. I apparently am completely incapable of interacting with single girls without them thinking I'm flirting with them, or hitting on them, or some sort of reaction like that. Also, none of them like it. Also, I am completely incapable of continuing contact with a single girl for more than a little bit before she (apparently) decides I'm not worth the time and will stop talking to me. The best part is that I don't know how to fix it because as far as I'm concerned I'm being friendly the entire time. Apparently I am very, very bad at being a friend and very good at being the creepy guy.

You're probably coming on too strong. Plus, they probably think you're trying to date them. Especially if you're asking them to coffee, a dinner, or a movie because those are the same strategies that people use who are trying to date people. When I ask someone out, I ask her if she wants to get coffee or go to dinner. I don't mention that I see her as a potential romantic partner because that's implied.

Why do you want to go out of your way to make platonic female friends anyway? I've found that one makes platonic female friends with people that you share interests and activities with and these friendships grow organically over time. They aren't really something that you set goals for nor expand extraordinary effort for. Rather, they simply evolve by being yourself and interacting with people that you see on a regular basis.

[Coidzor]

Bleh, I hear you Coid. My ex has been running through my mind lately as well. Part of me wants to get in touch with her again and try and rekindle a friendship. The smarter part of me knows that it'd be incredibly awkward and I'd only feel bad every time she mentions her new lover. Oy. =/

It's a friend of mine and we talk maybe once every two months beyond a short snippet of text messaging now and then. Hardly thought that I dwelled upon her except when I was given actual cause to be reminded of her like anyone else that I know. My friends are rather given to hyperbole when it comes to the torch I've been trying to get rid of, but I wasn't really paying them much mind until they brought up how I'd been moaning her name in my sleep. One of them even had somehow gotten the idea that I'd never met her in person just because we moved away from one another. The way they tell it I'm wasting away pining after a girl who is on the other side of the country and engaged to another woman who I'm actually rather fond of despite the fact that I've actually been working on my love-life despite the way I was raised assuming a certain level of ...affluence on the part of the male that I simply could not sustain at present.

Was rather helpful in getting me past my ex-fiance though, I must admit, so part of that lingering niggling might have just transferred over to her as a side effect of that switch of gears, I suppose. I'm of two minds about that potential plot point.

On the plus side, at least you're not sleep-humping, because that would be really bad.

Well, I don't share a bed with anyone at the moment, so it'd be a bit irrelevant anyway.

Also, apparently sleep-talking about Queen Elizabeth. So maybe I'm overreacting and I should be in personal woes and advice bemoaning the fact that I sleep-talk and have that terrible, terrible vulnerability to exploitation that such entails. Really rather uncomfortable with that. I suppose I should be googling how to kick the habit rather than bellyaching about it here though.


Speaking of bellyaching... Two more of those while I've on a computer and the inclination to air my embarrassment to you all.

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So, you may recall that I had something end rather poorly in the not too distant past! The one woman I had a paramour thing going on with and who then flipped out on me started texting me again late at night.

Thankfully she seems to have scarpered after I called her on the 180 from saying that sleeping with me again would make her a slut to saying she loves me.

I'm not adverse to a purely physical relationship even if it's not really what I want out of life, but disrespect and mood swings are not a good way to keep physical attraction going.

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In other news, I started talking to an old high school friend again and then flirting with her a little bit after we seemed to be hitting it off rather well. Asked her to a game night with some of my other friends to introduce her to this great game called Cards Against Humanity and the first time everyone bailed and she allegedly got press-ganged into christmas tree shopping with her family and forgot her phone in her bedroom so that she couldn't even inform me of such.

I was a bit skeptical but I figured, eh, benefit of the doubt, since she'd never really been the type to beat around the bush and I really honestly believed from our previous history that if she wasn't comfortable or didn't want to then she simply wouldn't have agreed and made plans in the first place.

So then I asked her if she was still interested and invited her along to the rescheduled get together and she said that the day in question was fine for her. Day rolls around, have a little bit of phone trouble but I manage to get the directions to her and it's on the west end of town and she lives on the north end and she says that she has to cancel because the traffic would delay her to the point that she'd only be able to stay for an hour before having to leave at 7 for some other plans of hers. When the plans I invited her to were from about 4:30 to 8 or 9.

Whee.

[noparlpf]

It's a friend of mine and we talk maybe once every two months beyond a short snippet of text messaging now and then. Hardly thought that I dwelled upon her except when I was given actual cause to be reminded of her like anyone else that I know. My friends are rather given to hyperbole when it comes to the torch I've been trying to get rid of, but I wasn't really paying them much mind until they brought up how I'd been moaning her name in my sleep. One of them even had somehow gotten the idea that I'd never met her in person just because we moved away from one another. The way they tell it I'm wasting away pining after a girl who is on the other side of the country and engaged to another woman who I'm actually rather fond of despite the fact that I've actually been working on my love-life despite the way I was raised assuming a certain level of ...affluence on the part of the male that I simply could not sustain at present.

Was rather helpful in getting me past my ex-fiance though, I must admit, so part of that lingering niggling might have just transferred over to her as a side effect of that switch of gears, I suppose. I'm of two minds about that potential plot point.



Well, I don't share a bed with anyone at the moment, so it'd be a bit irrelevant anyway.

Also, apparently sleep-talking about Queen Elizabeth. So maybe I'm overreacting and I should be in personal woes and advice bemoaning the fact that I sleep-talk and have that terrible, terrible vulnerability to exploitation that such entails. Really rather uncomfortable with that. I suppose I should be googling how to kick the habit rather than bellyaching about it here though.

I dunno man maybe you're secretly in love with Queen Elizabeth and pining for her across the ocean and the age gap. (Unless it's the First anyway.)
More likely you were just having a random confused dream, as most are, and were mumbling incoherently about it. When I remember my weirder dreams I usually spend a while trying to "figure them out" but that doesn't really work, so try not to worry about what your dreams and sleeptalking "mean". Mostly it's just your unconscious brain throwing random stuff together and spitting it out.

My old roommate talks in his sleep sometimes (once in French, and he hadn't taken more than a year of French several years earlier; and a few times he sang) and I can tell you it was pretty tempting to make stuff up to tell him. But I didn't because I think that's rude.


EDIT: This one is actually related to the thread. What's the general consensus on confessing to a same-sex person who is known to be straight? The confessing party is also severely depressed and sometimes self-injurious, and seems to be in the worst throes of early puppy-love.
EDIT: Add in other friend who's driving herself to distraction worrying that she's "not good enough"/"doesn't matter enough" to "save" her friends from their unhappiness. Help?

[Heliomance]

Asked her to a game night with some of my other friends to introduce her to this great game called Cards Against Humanity

You misspelt terrible. Cards Against Humanity is a terrible game for terrible people. And I'm terrible because I think it's fun.

[Sholos]

You're probably coming on too strong. Plus, they probably think you're trying to date them. Especially if you're asking them to coffee, a dinner, or a movie because those are the same strategies that people use who are trying to date people. When I ask someone out, I ask her if she wants to get coffee or go to dinner. I don't mention that I see her as a potential romantic partner because that's implied.

Why do you want to go out of your way to make platonic female friends anyway? I've found that one makes platonic female friends with people that you share interests and activities with and these friendships grow organically over time. They aren't really something that you set goals for nor expand extraordinary effort for. Rather, they simply evolve by being yourself and interacting with people that you see on a regular basis.

Because I'm very, very bad at naturally interacting with people, and if left to my normal behaviors I'd be completely without friends (female or male) in a matter of months. The only reason I have what very few friends I have (and I can't even call most of them friends, really) is because I went against my normal behavior patterns. I am just plain terrible at hanging out with people or seeing them regularly. I've been around the same people for about 4 years now, and I barely known any of them all that well. Certainly don't hang out with them much more than once every couple of months. So, yeah.

You misspelt terrible. Cards Against Humanity is a terrible game for terrible people. And I'm terrible because I think it's fun.

No, no, no. It's a wonderful game for terrible people. *Is also a terrible person.

[Imbasel]

So I have a bit of an odd situation. Recently, a girl started talking to me on facebook. She is a couple of years younger than me I'm a sophomore in college she is a senior who lives in a high school a few hours away. We went to the same middle school together and were friends, but when she moved we lost contact. She added me last year and recently we started chatting again.

We've talked for a couple of days and she is very attractive and funny and so on and says how she enjoys talking to me and that she likes me. We haven't talked about seeing each other too much yet in person but its definitely doable because of trains.

So yesterday I shoot her a message round 8 30 saying whats up to which she responds that she isn't ignoring me but she is busy doing schoolwork and would talk if she could. She didn't so that's cool and makes sense. I message her tonight at 9 30 and get nothing but I know she checked fb because she was online although it was for less than 5 minutes.

So should I worry and get my panties in a bunch or not? Should I play it cool and just wait for her to make contact. My friends said that I should have messaged her tonight and that she does want to talk to me. Do you think its more of a case of I'm worrying and that she really is busy and what not?

[Verte]

Alright, first of all, how old are you, and are you in high school/your country's equivalent? (I just need the context)

Oh, I'm 21 and go to a community college in the US. But, most of the friends I've had I've met through gaming, so I guess I feel insecure about getting to know people in other ways, which is probably why I'm overthinking things.

I'm not on Facebook, and not looking to join anytime soon, so I think I'll try email or cell numbers.

One thing that concerns me in general is that I live with my parents, don't have a driver's license, and live out of the way in a small town. I guess I'm just worried that I might not be able to go out and do things as much anyway, so why bother if I'm just going to end up disappointing others? Which I know is not a good way to look at things.

And yeah, at this point I think would really prefer to get to know them better before deciding to see either of them in that way. I mean, nothing A's done or said really indicates that he would be interested in me in that way, so I don't know about him. I do like B - he seems smart and funny and insightful, but I've noticed certain things he's done that were annoying and things he's said - related to politics so not forum-safe - that I disagreed with. And yeah, I don't really feel all that into him on an emotional level. With the guys I've dated before, early on I would feel like just talking to them for a few minutes would make my day. I think the main reason why I've even been considering this now is because he pretty much fits my mental and physical "type".

So should I worry and get my panties in a bunch or not? Should I play it cool and just wait for her to make contact. My friends said that I should have messaged her tonight and that she does want to talk to me. Do you think its more of a case of I'm worrying and that she really is busy and what not?

Personally, at this point, and based on what you said, I don't think there's much cause to worry. I would take what she said about being busy studying at face value - I mean, every time I've said that it's been true, and it sounds like it's only happened once, so there's no weird pattern here. As far as making contact again, I would probably wait a day or a few and then see how she's doing and if she's still really busy.

[dehro]

So I have a bit of an odd situation. Recently, a girl started talking to me on facebook. She is a couple of years younger than me I'm a sophomore in college she is a senior who lives in a high school a few hours away. We went to the same middle school together and were friends, but when she moved we lost contact. She added me last year and recently we started chatting again.

We've talked for a couple of days and she is very attractive and funny and so on and says how she enjoys talking to me and that she likes me. We haven't talked about seeing each other too much yet in person but its definitely doable because of trains.

So yesterday I shoot her a message round 8 30 saying whats up to which she responds that she isn't ignoring me but she is busy doing schoolwork and would talk if she could. She didn't so that's cool and makes sense. I message her tonight at 9 30 and get nothing but I know she checked fb because she was online although it was for less than 5 minutes.

So should I worry and get my panties in a bunch or not? Should I play it cool and just wait for her to make contact. My friends said that I should have messaged her tonight and that she does want to talk to me. Do you think its more of a case of I'm worrying and that she really is busy and what not?

if she couldn't yesterday because of homework or other commitments, it's not out of the realm of the possible to think that today (well..yesterday I supppose) isn't working for her either.
a bit soon to start panicking.

[Morph Bark]

So I have a bit of an odd situation. Recently, a girl started talking to me on facebook. She is a couple of years younger than me I'm a sophomore in college she is a senior who lives in a high school a few hours away. We went to the same middle school together and were friends, but when she moved we lost contact. She added me last year and recently we started chatting again.

We've talked for a couple of days and she is very attractive and funny and so on and says how she enjoys talking to me and that she likes me. We haven't talked about seeing each other too much yet in person but its definitely doable because of trains.

So yesterday I shoot her a message round 8 30 saying whats up to which she responds that she isn't ignoring me but she is busy doing schoolwork and would talk if she could. She didn't so that's cool and makes sense. I message her tonight at 9 30 and get nothing but I know she checked fb because she was online although it was for less than 5 minutes.

So should I worry and get my panties in a bunch or not? Should I play it cool and just wait for her to make contact. My friends said that I should have messaged her tonight and that she does want to talk to me. Do you think its more of a case of I'm worrying and that she really is busy and what not?

[noparlpf]

So I have a bit of an odd situation. Recently, a girl started talking to me on facebook. She is a couple of years younger than me I'm a sophomore in college she is a senior who lives in a high school a few hours away. We went to the same middle school together and were friends, but when she moved we lost contact. She added me last year and recently we started chatting again.

We've talked for a couple of days and she is very attractive and funny and so on and says how she enjoys talking to me and that she likes me. We haven't talked about seeing each other too much yet in person but its definitely doable because of trains.

So yesterday I shoot her a message round 8 30 saying whats up to which she responds that she isn't ignoring me but she is busy doing schoolwork and would talk if she could. She didn't so that's cool and makes sense. I message her tonight at 9 30 and get nothing but I know she checked fb because she was online although it was for less than 5 minutes.

So should I worry and get my panties in a bunch or not? Should I play it cool and just wait for her to make contact. My friends said that I should have messaged her tonight and that she does want to talk to me. Do you think its more of a case of I'm worrying and that she really is busy and what not?

It's near the end of the semester. She's probably stressing over exams or something. (Do people do that in high school?)

[Arranis Thelmos]

It's near the end of the semester. She's probably stressing over exams or something. (Do people do that in high school?)

Yup. Still do. Desperately cramming for one in AP Microeconomics.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Yup. Still do. Desperately cramming for one in AP Microeconomics.

For a second there, I read AP Minecraftnomics.

Boy would that be fun.

[noparlpf]

Yup. Still do. Desperately cramming for one in AP Microeconomics.

Well then that's probably what's happening.
(I wasn't sure because I never studied in high school and even as a junior I still hardly study. I'm a little out of touch with real life.)

[Heliomance]

Four and a half months after our break-up, I can finally read my ex's Facebook statuses without more than a mild pang.

Ye gods, but that took a while. And even now, if getting back with her was an option, I would take it in a heartbeat.