Magic Item Design Lab

[Q. Flestrin]

So I've been working on some magic items, and I'd like advice. You're also welcome to post your own homebrew magic items.
So far I have two main items for consideration:
One: The Portable Plothole
A circle of cloth spun from the hair of the Dungeon Master, interwoven with plot threads and beams of incandescent lightbulb light, this magic item allows you to use plotholes to your advantage. Whenever you spot a hole in the plot of your adventure or campaign, you may activate this magic item with the command word. After openly declaring this plot hole, you may use the Portable Plothole to create a more favorable (at least for you) outcome from the same plothole circumstance. The best part? The DM cannot take this item away in-game, because that would constitute a plothole. Comments?
Two: The Alabaster Sword
Basically, this is a magic scimitar of some sort made from alabaster. Anybody have ideas on alabaster's hardness/hit points in D&D? It's 2 to 3 on the Mohs scale, if that helps. My idea for it is that it "purifies", presumably meaning that it has extra damage against aberrations/evil outsiders/what have you. Any other ideas on its "purification"?

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

One: The Portable Plothole
A circle of cloth spun from the hair of the Dungeon Master, interwoven with plot threads and beams of incandescent lightbulb light, this magic item allows you to use plotholes to your advantage. Whenever you spot a hole in the plot of your adventure or campaign, you may activate this magic item with the command word. After openly declaring this plot hole, you may use the Portable Plothole to create a more favorable (at least for you) outcome from the same plothole circumstance. The best part? The DM cannot take this item away in-game, because that would constitute a plothole. Comments?

A bit open-ended, in my mind, and a bit to meta-gamey. This has the capability to cause campaign problems, rather than really make the game more interesting. I have no problem with mechanics like this (see FATE's Fate Points for a system that does this well), but you need to flesh it out a bit more, and also leave the result (and if it's permissible in the first place) to DM adjudication.

Two: The Alabaster Sword
Basically, this is a magic scimitar of some sort made from alabaster. Anybody have ideas on alabaster's hardness/hit points in D&D? It's 2 to 3 on the Mohs scale, if that helps. My idea for it is that it "purifies", presumably meaning that it has extra damage against aberrations/evil outsiders/what have you. Any other ideas on its "purification"?

Well, Alabaster is high on the Mohs scale, but alabaster is a calcite and, like all calcite, it is fairly brittle, meaning a sword would be extremely impractical. It also cuts easily, despite its hardness, meaning that it's even worse as a weapon than it would be otherwise.

Assuming we make it magical enchanted Alabaster? I'd say it has the hardness and hit points of steel, and it grants a +1 bonus to attack rolls and damage against Evil Outsiders. Or something like that.

[Yitzi]

:One: The Portable Plothole
A circle of cloth spun from the hair of the Dungeon Master, interwoven with plot threads and beams of incandescent lightbulb light, this magic item allows you to use plotholes to your advantage. Whenever you spot a hole in the plot of your adventure or campaign, you may activate this magic item with the command word. After openly declaring this plot hole, you may use the Portable Plothole to create a more favorable (at least for you) outcome from the same plothole circumstance. The best part? The DM cannot take this item away in-game, because that would constitute a plothole. Comments?

Firstly, there are ways to take it away that aren't plot holes. Secondly, this is way too metagame-y for anything but a tongue-in-cheek satire. Thirdly, no sane DM is going to let you get it in the first place.

[Durazno]

Another concern: sometimes it will misfire because you think you're identifying a plot hole when it is, in fact, an intentional in-universe inconsistency or mystery.

[Q. Flestrin]

Okay. I acknowledge all these comments on the Portable Plothole. It was meant to be a more humorous magic item, inspired by Thing Mr. Welch Cannot Do In An RPG #1383 (I don't have the exact link). Also, I am not a sane DM.