LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow!

[Selpharia]

Been trying to be a little bit more feminine lately. I just bought a big plushie of a My Little Pony character.

I regret nothing.

Why would you? That's fantastic. I'm incredibly fond of my Rarity plushie, and enjoy styling her mane more than is healthy

[Lix Lorn]

My biggest problem is I have a desire to be pregnant, yet not even the best plastic surgery in the world can let me achieve that.

Yeah, I deeply agree.

I guess I would have to live with that, assuming the technology comes soon enough, though I admit to wanting the package deal, even though it sounds incredibly painful. No offence is taken; I know you mean in a biological sense.

Also agreed. I even expressed longing for periods once, just because that's a thing girl's have and I should have them.

[turkishproverb]

Holy hell. 360 posts here in 6 days.

I think I posted in #1, and haven't since.

Hmm. What shall I say?

Ohoh!

My story: http://irishjackie.blogspot.ca/2012/07/bon-appetit.html

Five more and you get an unbirthday party.

Nice story, btw.

[appending_doom]

Yeah, I deeply agree.


Also agreed. I even expressed longing for periods once, just because that's a thing girl's have and I should have them.

Someday the transhumanists will make all our dreams come true (and why does my internet think transhumanist isn't a real word?)

[Saskia]

You've actually been doing a pretty good job at avoiding it, much better than I've seen people do in similar discussions. However, I've gotten a general vibe that men have less to fear from violent crime, which is... not really the case. Ceric's post, in particular, seems to make the assumption that men are safer from violent crime based on size and strength, while disregarding the fact that those aren't actually particularly relevant factors in most predatory crimes. I also object to "men don't have concern for sexual violence" being used to mean almost exclusively "men don't have concern for sexual violence against women", and in doing so disregarding the very real fact of sexual violence against men.

Ah. Well I do feel like it's necessary now to say that I don't hold the issues regarding men and violence in any less esteem. Violence against men does seem to be trivialized in our society, or it's at least not taken as seriously as violence against women; I won't dispute that. The discussion seemed to me to regard specifically women and our perception of danger, not of danger and its perception more generally. I haven't got first-hand experience as a man in a dangerous situation so I don't feel qualified to speak on what men do and don't feel regarding danger. I thought it was obvious from context that when I said "men are not as concerned as women about sexual violence" that I meant only that men are not as concerned about being victims of sexual violence as women are, but apparently that's easier to misunderstand than I thought, and I'm sorry for the misunderstanding because that's not what I meant. When it comes to murder and violent crime in general, men are at greater risk than women, and it seems that women are only more prominently victims in sexual violence where in every other violent crime the predators are more likely to target men. Because men are generally unwilling to admit to being the victims of violence by their female partners the data for domestic violence is weighted, but given the staggering amount of violence found in lesbian relationships it would be irresponsible to assume that women in straight relationships don't abuse their partners. I would suspect that domestic abuse between men and women is at or near parity, but I haven't got any data to back that up. Also I'm certainly not ignorant of the woefully inadequate legal definition of rape used in the United states where "rape" is only a crime that can be committed by a man against a woman while everything else is varying degrees of "sexual assault". Anybody can be a victim of rape, and rapists can be of any sex or sexual preference; it's just as awful for a woman to be raped by a man as for a man to be raped by a woman or any other permutation of victim and assailant. It's always evil somebody regardless of sex or sexual orientation after all; it would be nice for the law to agree.

Still I cannot count the number of times I've seen grown men who are otherwise reasonable and intelligent get into fights over flatly stupid things, often (but not always) some minor insult to a woman; the kind of thing you read about in chivalric stories, where a man places himself in serious physical danger because somebody had the audacity not to believe that his lady was the most beautiful and virtuous lady of all! I've been witness to men committing and subjecting themselves to truly brutal facial rearrangements with all manner of implements inflicting and sustaining severe injuries over comments about their favored women that weren't even terribly insulting, and even had they been would be no justification for violence and particularly not to that degree. Most of that was in the backwoods hillbilly town I spent too much of my childhood. It's clearly not most men who engage in that sort of meth-fueled barbarism (even in podunk hillbilly towns), nor is it limited to men, but regardless of whatever else it may be it's fuel for confirmation bias for those who use excuses like "boys will be boys" to trivialize male on male violence (though again, that's not the only sort of violence men face), pretending that because some men put themselves in ridiculously dangerous positions for no good reason, that must be how it works for all men who are victims of violence.

The same perception seems to be prominent regarding violence in same-sex male relationships if it's even thought about at all, that violence as a means of establishing and maintaining dominance is somehow a mainstay of male interpersonal interaction and that it extends to same-sex male romance. Obviously that's absurd and damaging to men in bad relationships who need help, and the assumption that women can only be victims of violence rather than perpetrators doesn't help lesbians in abusive relationships either. Violence is a significant threat for all people, and I would absolutely agree that trivializing violence against anybody is dangerous and irresponsible. I'm not a sociologist; I'm not really sure how we square that circle when it's so ingrained into our culture. We're very much a species bent on conformity and that makes awareness of things that most people don't accept or don't want to accept very difficult, particularly when the tribalism kicks in between groups like feminism and MRM who seem too often more interested in cutting each others throats than fixing even mutual problems.

[Kindablue]

I very specifically said several times that I am speaking of no one here, only people I have met in Meatworld who espouse these values.

"Hi, I'm Chad; I like football, the color red, and am incapable of feeling love. What's your name?"

[Coidzor]

Wait. Wait. Did ya'll think my attempt at clarification and providing an alternative phrasing was espousing my own personal views on the matter?

Or did too much get read into my admitting my limited knowledge base and understanding despite my disclaimers that I didn't care and was actively not speaking in terms of value judgments and the like?

At least as far as I can recall the only thing I've said of my personal beliefs in the matter was that my personal beliefs didn't know what to make of it just yet.

At any rate, I think I neglected to apologize for my testiness in the face of the asexual label question looping back up in the conversation. Sorry about that, especially since none of that was intended to reflect back upon you, gunnar11.

[Mystic Muse]

Regret is for those who don't fall asleep on a Fluttershy.

I was considering her, but nah. Princess Luna.

Why would you? That's fantastic. I'm incredibly fond of my Rarity plushie, and enjoy styling her mane more than is healthy

Well, the price tag was higher than I'd have liked, but eh.

[Saposhiente]

Also I'm certainly not ignorant of the woefully inadequate legal definition of rape used in the United states where "rape" is only a crime that can be committed by a man against a woman while everything else is varying degrees of "sexual assault".

Actually in Oregon we've got a proper definition of rape #BestCoastBenefits

[Serpentine]

I very specifically said several times that I am speaking of no one here, only people I have met in Meatworld who espouse these values. Assuming I meant you is just going to upset you, and I'm sorry I'd the way I sai it made it seem like you were my target. I am speaking in generalities almost by requirement; individual people merit individual consideration.

That's fine, I suppose, but considering the context you can't really be surprised that he took it personally, considering you were directly responding to something he said. It's like coming into a conversation where someone said they enjoyed sparring as part of their martial arts training, and declaring that "people in fight clubs are psychopaths", and getting confused when people take offence. Maybe you didn't mean to, but you're equating the extreme, (still arguably) unhealthy out-there example to slightly less extreme, healthy - or at least unavoidable - stuff (albeit possibly out of your experience).
Talking about your discomfort with that heartless, using and abusive 0.0001 is fine, but if you fail to effectively distinguish between that and the still-feeling, still-caring, and honest 0.5 that was the original subject of discussion, the misunderstanding is on you, not the offended party. You're effectively changing the subject, and need to make that clear. You didn't say "people who trick the people they're in relationships with into thinking they're in love with them disturb me", you said (and this is a direct quote) "sexually active aromantics disturb me." It doesn't matter if the former is what you meant, the latter is what you said.

edit: I know I'm browbeating you over this, and I'm sorry. Heaven knows I'm guilty of generalisations and misspeaking and a chronic sufferer of foot-in-mouth disease (quiet you sniggerers in the audience! ). I think that just answering Gunnar's question from way back at the start could help (although it's entirely possible you did and I just missed it):

I'm what classifies as a 'sexually active aromantic', and as such, I disturb you, SiuiS?

As for the Coidzor bit, my understanding of it is that it simply should have ended after about the first 2 posts. It went like this:

Gunnar: So I'm aromantic...
Coidzor: Didn't you say you were asexual?
Gunnar: Yeah, because I didn't know about aromantic.

And that's where it should have ended: question asked, question answered. But instead it kept going, with:

Coidzor: But if you're actually aromantic, why did you say you were asexual?
Gunnar: ...because I didn't know about aromantic, and also no one else knows about it either so it's easier to just say asexual.
Coidzor: Well that's stupid, there's already perfectly good terms and if you don't know them then you can just list the definitions anyway...
etc etc so on and so forth.

Seems pretty straightforward to me. I could have been reading it wrong, though, I suppose.

[Coidzor]

And that's where it should have ended: question asked, question answered.

Now this kind of sentiment just confuses me, especially since the natural segue of such conversation is to ask for some additional context in order to digest such things. Given that there was no expressed desire to drop the subject until after he had started responding to posts I made in response to other people trying to dogpile me for pursuing clarity and then I did.

edit: Though, yes, I did bemoan what is admittedly an incredibly observational biased view of an increasingly popular trend towards being unwilling to enter into dialogue and instead feeling that everything is served by throwing incredibly finely tuned terms at one another when there's so many different definitions and connotations to them that you have to enter into dialogue in order to clarify anyway. That's hardly something unique to this situation, as I'm confident anyone who recalls the discussions that have occurred over the nuances of bisexuality and pansexuality should be aware.

I suppose I do need to remember to be more proactive about disclaimers for my tangential rants, given my proclivity for them.

Which reminds me. Someone responded to that by reiterating the importance of having an established identity in the cultural lexicon.

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I apologize for not remembering who it was that said so immediately offhand, but that was the thrust of my bellyaching. I do not object to identity, I object to the decline of or lack of communication, especially when buzzwords or trendy jargon are being assumed to be a complete and whole substitute for actually talking to someone.

Call me old fashioned, but it creeps me out when I run into it in meatspace, regardless of greater context. Actually, thankfully, LGBTA matters have been the distinct minority of instances where I've run into it in meatspace.

Perhaps I am still being too vague though. This still feels a bit too easily construable in a direction not of my choosing.

Can't really think of anything at the moment, which goes to show about posting after one's bed time I suppose....haha x.x

edit2: Certainly I don't think it's a conscious decision or trend if anything exists outside of my fevered imaginings.

[Serpentine]

So would you disagree with my summary of that discussion, then?

[Coidzor]

So would you disagree with my summary of that discussion, then?

Well, the skeleton's mostly right. Just got to take out most of the vitriol, direct the peevishness at the room at large, add in a bit more soapbox and talking to the coat stand towards the end.

In retrospect I see that I'm not as on top of kicking that habit as I had hoped. And it does look worse than I would have liked. x.x

[Serpentine]

There was no vitriol.
edit: Oh, or do you mean on your part? Well, only you can know that. I just called it like I seed it

[Socratov]

There was no vitriol.
edit: Oh, or do you mean on your part? Well, only you can know that. I just called it like I seed it

that's becuase curare and arsenic are way more fun

jokes aside (holy mackerel, i rear my back end just for one night and 3 pages have been added )

on sexual violence against men:

If I ever gave the impression that rape (or to be more exact: sexual violence) against men didn't exist, that's not what I meant to do. However, one of those problems is the fact that men are less likely to go to the local police to say they've been raped. So the figures that are available are most likely (and this is conjecture, and I don't know where, but I read in some newspaper a few years ago) not representative for the actual figures indicating a far worse problem then people think exists. the reason this is not going to change is (thougth of as) a simple one: men are taught by society that they much be much/manly/whathaveyou and being sexually assaulted does not fit in that picture leading men to keep it quiet. (wow, and that before my first coffee of the day... I must be on fire)

on to more lighthearted subjects: Matthew, I really envy you for having a redhead for a partner. I think next year I should go to this redhead day in Breda, shoudl be fun

[Heliomance]

I agree that men do not have no concern about sexual violence. When a group of friends and I were playing a CTF-based game at night, one of the first rules a guy came up with was "scream if you get attacked and we'll all drop what we're doing and find you." I have another friend from another country who won't even let his girlfriend walk alone in the city at night. (I live in the USA and he's told us that his country is a third-world country; one of his ten-year-old students once fought off an attempted mugging on the way to class.) But these are the only instances I can think of where a guy showed explicit concern for a girl's safety. Otherwise it's always the girls who first bring up rules about buddy systems and staying safe.

And while neither guys nor girls would walk into a shady alley at night, I find that guys overall tend to be less cautious than girls. If I'm on campus late at night, I lock my bike and take the bus home instead of biking by myself. And when I do bike home, there's two routes - one alongside a busy street and another that cuts through an empty field - and I always prefer the street route, where I find the guys tend to take the field route.

Interestingly, I find I'm a LOT more paranoid about such things when I'm out in girl mode than as a guy. As a guy, I'll keep an eye on the shadows, but otherwise generally not worry. As a girl, I discovered that I was keeping my ears strained, inspecting every shadow carefully, glancing behind me occasionally, and getting really quite uncomfortable about using the (lit) shortcut through the woods that I use without a second thought as a guy.

[Arachu]

My biggest problem is I have a desire to be pregnant, yet not even the best plastic surgery in the world can let me achieve that.

*Hugs*

I hear budgie smuggler and I see Kneen in a speedo. It is neon yellow, he is wearing like, a fez or toureg hat, and somehow looks fabulous. I do not brain.

That makes at least two of us.

I think irrespective is a perfectly fine word!

I had trouble with this once though. I was on the Xbox live-a-majig, and came across some folks who were, um, "critiquing" the equipment of other players. So I put on my headset and explained my load out, as they were pretty reasonable... Up until I said "m'lee" instead of "may-lay". My response was that I would pronounce it French if I were speaking French, and that I don't think there's a definitive American English pronunciation for the word. I got a lecture about trying to sound smart (:smallcurious:), and how I was homosexual and then a slew of what I understand to be big-standard harassment via threats of sexual violence.

So I suppose I can see why one would decide that using words which come naturally is maybe not the best idea, but if that is the alternative then I'd rather remain salubriously verbose.*

o.o *Hugs*

That is not to say that you are over exaggerating. It is also not to say that the hurt anyone has felt is superficial or should be discounted. It is to say that both the hurt and the misunderstanding should be fixed, and because of other factors, not the least I which is I sincerely doubt anyone I've offended would accept an apology if they did not believe I had made progress towards correcting my faulty understanding, we needs must redress my lack of capacity for insight before addressing the harm the discussion Has done. Doing otherwise would mean the harm was still caused but nothing good came of it, and I would be upset at that. Needless harm is terrible.

*More hugs* I would try to clarify that I didn't agree with the idea and was trying to work on it from early on, but in all fairness I haven't actually gotten in a conversation where I could since I calmed down enough to want to. So, not sure if it tends to work. >.>

These discussions are no fun because I'm always an outlier. I can't stand for a girl who has X response because I grew up male-bodies, but I can't represent boys who have X response because I grew up female-souled. I think we should stop making generalizations about what each gender thinks in general. Especially because boys who grow up worried about prisoners in their area fear rape just as much as "girls do".

It is worth noting that rape threats are used to keep boys from breaking laws pretty often (honestly, the way some people go about it's almost like they think that's the whole point of having prisons)...

Also I've been unable to sleep for more than two or so hours a night for the past week. This made sense when I typed it but now it sounds bollocks.

Hate weeks like that. *Even more hugs* :<

Holy hell. 360 posts here in 6 days.

I think I posted in #1, and haven't since.

Hmm. What shall I say?

Ohoh!

My story: http://irishjackie.blogspot.ca/2012/07/bon-appetit.html

Hey, welcome ba - oh my. X3

Well, the skeleton's mostly right. Just got to take out most of the vitriol, direct the peevishness at the room at large, add in a bit more soapbox and talking to the coat stand towards the end.

In retrospect I see that I'm not as on top of kicking that habit as I had hoped. And it does look worse than I would have liked. x.x

*Hugs*


~Bianca

[Lentrax]

Holy hell. 360 posts here in 6 days.

I think I posted in #1, and haven't since.

Hmm. What shall I say?

Ohoh!

My story: http://irishjackie.blogspot.ca/2012/07/bon-appetit.html

Wow. Now that is quite a story.

Welcome back.

[Ravens_cry]

Thanks for all the support from everyone on the pregnancy issue.
You are all very awesome.

[Mono Vertigo]

Egads. 5 more pages. I don't know what I expected, not checking the forum for a couple days.

My 2 cents concerning that one subject that's not even being discussed anymore anyway:
- If I hear one more person speaking seriously of "feminazis", I'm going to have to summarily choke them. (Or Grammar Nazis or any sort of "[adjective] Nazi" who's not, as a matter of fact, fascist.) Because the lone but loud feminists having aberrant ideas about how to fix privilege, and the uppity feminists, too, are totally Nazis. Yeah. That's a reasonable comparison. Anyone whose opinions are merely angering you, as opposite to being directly dangerous, is a Nazi.
- That being said, I cannot believe there are feminists who seriously suggest to have fewer males be born, as a solution to sexism.
I mean, I don't think you're lying when you're saying that, but my brain can't fully register that either.
Fewer males what the frack.
- I'm feminist, and that's the label I use among savvy people like you, but goddamn, I swear I'm not going to use it anywhere else. Egalitarian sounds good, I think? Well, look, that's like telling savvy people I'm demisexual, less savvy ones that I'm asexual, and unsavvy ones that I'm in a straight relationship. Except it's more because demisexuality/asexuality is obscure and hard to explain, and less because there is no demisexual/asexual to "give us a bad name". Or, instead, it's hard to say "huh, no, I don't hate men, and I think these women are grossly irrational too, but they're still feminists because there's no membership card to take away, beside, if you're egalitarian like me, you're technically also feminist, I swear".

@Ravens_cry: *hugs*
I wish medicine and ethics progressed fast enough to soon allow me to give those bits I'm not going to use anyway, to people like you who need them more than I do. We're already doing it with blood, bone marrow, and some organs in specific cases. It's mostly a matter of time.

[Talya]

If you want my opinion on classical feminism, i posted a bit on the same blog that my story links to above. The blog post was called "I am Woman, hear me moan." I'm not linking that particular post though, it's definitely not PG-13.

[noparlpf]

Egads. 5 more pages. I don't know what I expected, not checking the forum for a couple days.

My 2 cents concerning that one subject that's not even being discussed anymore anyway:
- If I hear one more person speaking seriously of "feminazis", I'm going to have to summarily choke them. (Or Grammar Nazis or any sort of "[adjective] Nazi" who's not, as a matter of fact, fascist.) Because the lone but loud feminists having aberrant ideas about how to fix privilege, and the uppity feminists, too, are totally Nazis. Yeah. That's a reasonable comparison. Anyone whose opinions are merely angering you, as opposite to being directly dangerous, is a Nazi.
- That being said, I cannot believe there are feminists who seriously suggest to have fewer males be born, as a solution to sexism.
I mean, I don't think you're lying when you're saying that, but my brain can't fully register that either.
Fewer males what the frack.
- I'm feminist, and that's the label I use among savvy people like you, but goddamn, I swear I'm not going to use it anywhere else. Egalitarian sounds good, I think? Well, look, that's like telling savvy people I'm demisexual, less savvy ones that I'm asexual, and unsavvy ones that I'm in a straight relationship. Except it's more because demisexuality/asexuality is obscure and hard to explain, and less because there is no demisexual/asexual to "give us a bad name". Or, instead, it's hard to say "huh, no, I don't hate men, and I think these women are grossly irrational too, but they're still feminists because there's no membership card to take away, beside, if you're egalitarian like me, you're technically also feminist, I swear".

Yup, that's how I usually feel about the word "feminism" and about people adding "Nazi" to everything.

[Irish Musician]

-snip-

Geeze Musashi, you're such an Opinion-Nazi

(I kid I kid )

[Mina Kobold]

Egads. 5 more pages. I don't know what I expected, not checking the forum for a couple days.

My 2 cents concerning that one subject that's not even being discussed anymore anyway:
- If I hear one more person speaking seriously of "feminazis", I'm going to have to summarily choke them. (Or Grammar Nazis or any sort of "[adjective] Nazi" who's not, as a matter of fact, fascist.) Because the lone but loud feminists having aberrant ideas about how to fix privilege, and the uppity feminists, too, are totally Nazis. Yeah. That's a reasonable comparison. Anyone whose opinions are merely angering you, as opposite to being directly dangerous, is a Nazi.
- That being said, I cannot believe there are feminists who seriously suggest to have fewer males be born, as a solution to sexism.
I mean, I don't think you're lying when you're saying that, but my brain can't fully register that either.
Fewer males what the frack.
- I'm feminist, and that's the label I use among savvy people like you, but goddamn, I swear I'm not going to use it anywhere else. Egalitarian sounds good, I think? Well, look, that's like telling savvy people I'm demisexual, less savvy ones that I'm asexual, and unsavvy ones that I'm in a straight relationship. Except it's more because demisexuality/asexuality is obscure and hard to explain, and less because there is no demisexual/asexual to "give us a bad name". Or, instead, it's hard to say "huh, no, I don't hate men, and I think these women are grossly irrational too, but they're still feminists because there's no membership card to take away, beside, if you're egalitarian like me, you're technically also feminist, I swear".

I would do that too if I had more subtlety than a thrown raspberry pudding. Explaining labels for half the conversation is definitively a good thing to avoid.

And for some reason, the ridiculousness of the Feminazi label makes me want to either do a set of WWII era maps showing the world of those who use that label (seeing themselves as the noble Equallies fighting evil Feminazis and the Gay Agenda Union) and as seen from the equalitarian/feminist side. That, or a really silly version of Axis Powers Hetalia. X3

[Astrella]

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

So, I chickened out Tuesday about getting clothes. I wanted to go Wednesday then, but I got back really late from my therapist appointment. When I got back I waddled forward and back a bunch about going to the trans youth group Halloween thingie and decided to go in the end which meant I didn't have time for shopping. I'm really glad I went to cause I had a good time.

It was pretty relaxed with mostly talking and silly games but people were really fun and it was neat being around people going through the same thing and being Lena offline and not having to fret about it and feel self-conscious.

Several people also complimented me on my top. (the only one I have. I posted a picture of it a few threads back.)

So in the end I'm glad I just went and didn't fuss about it. n.n

-----

Are you afraid of bad reactions of the shop assistants or other customers? Then you could just say that the tops are a present for your sister/friend/whatever. That might be terrible advise, if it is, just ignore it. *hugs*

It's mostly reactions I'm afraid of, yes. I just feel really self-conscious when doing it and scared that people will react badly. :/

Good morning my Beautiful people of this thread, hope you all had a good night.

I didn't. MY wife is out of town because her gpa died, which wasn't a good thing, but we are glad that he did due to the fact that he had lymphoma and was in a lot of pain. And when she isn't sleeping next to me in the bed, I can't sleep. Not to mention the fact that I have second hand poison oak from her (not really her fault, she was just the source), and all in all I got it worse than she did and she was the one who was all up in it. Well, went last night to get some steroids (shot and 15 regiment of pills) from the Dr's office, and it helped quite a bit, however the shot kept me up all night as well.

On the brighter side, I got my new TV stand all set up with my surround sound, game consoles, and the like last night while I couldn't sleep.....so that was at least some silver lining.

I know there aren't strictly LGBTA related, really, I just needed a little venting time, so thank you for that. Now, for coffee..........lots of coffee.....

~Matthew~

Aww, that sucks. * condolences and hugs*

Been trying to be a little bit more feminine lately. I just bought a big plushie of a My Little Pony character.

I regret nothing.

Hehe, neat! n.n

Oh, luv, I'm sorry. But like they said, friendship heals.

We're you unable to buy appropriate clothes, like you couldn't muster the will? Or we're you unable to get to the store in time?

Couldn't muster the will. :/

Holy hell. 360 posts here in 6 days.

I think I posted in #1, and haven't since.

Hmm. What shall I say?

Ohoh!

My story: http://irishjackie.blogspot.ca/2012/07/bon-appetit.html

Oh, hai! I think I might have seen you when I archive-binged all the LGBT threads ages back when trying to figure stuff out.

Yup, that's how I usually feel about the word "feminism" and about people adding "Nazi" to everything.

It's a common tactic. Demonize and other a group of people and then you don't even need to react to their opinions anymore, they just won't be listened to.

(Also one things that annoys me when people pull up notorious feminists to discredit feminism it's always people from several decades ago; that really doesn't lend much strength to an argument about feminism at this moment.)

[Castaras]

If you want my opinion on classical feminism, i posted a bit on the same blog that my story links to above. The blog post was called "I am Woman, hear me moan." I'm not linking that particular post though, it's definitely not PG-13.

I read that when I saw your blog posted here. Put into words exactly how I feel with regards to Feminism, but in a way I couldn't. Thank you.

[Zorg]

@ Astrella - great to hear you went and that it was a good night for you.


Depressed rambling:

Spoiler

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So the frequent discussions about trans-pregnancy have got me thinking... 'cause I have zero interest in becoming pregnant, and a low interest in (more) children as is anyway.
But it bothers me, perhaps due to social conditioning, that I don't. I know logically that there are many ciswomen who voluntarily remain childless, yet I feel a total lack of maternal instinct or desire. It makes me wonder about my own self and my identity as female.

I've found myself questioning "am I really Trans" at the moment, and wondering things like if my obsession with clothes means I'm just a particularly effeminate transvestite (I blame Phoenix's parents for that one >_> ), or if I'm making a mistake or what have you.

I think this is partly due to the breakup, since I know that transness is what split us up so I'm perhaps second guessing myself over it.
I've also recently been given the go-ahead to see an endo about HRT - which is good - but I'm putting it off until next year once electrolysis is done and my hair's longer. This has also got me thinking about having kids. My GF and I were planning to have kids before this, it's something she wanted so badly. When we were still together I was 100% going to bank some genetic material so we could have kids that were ours, no problem.

Now we're not I don't know if that's something I want to do. Part of me hopes that we'll somehow get back together, that love will conquer all and so on, which means I'll need to bank still. But the other part of me knows we won't, but I can't not bank, as doing so and going on HRT would feel like I'm betraying my GF.
I just feel so much guilt for letting her down, for all the hopes and dreams we had that are now gone. What's worse is that for me our future was always a bit murky, and then when I came out it all became clear and I was so certain like she was... but I took us away from her.

I miss her so much.

on a more positive note I had a chat with a very lovely transwoman the other day about transitioning and other things, which made me feel great for a while. She said I seemed to be doing things far better than most people, and was lucky living in the 'burbs as it means I won't be in a fantasy bubble like she was living in The Cross.

[Mono Vertigo]

@Zorg:

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Don't let a lack of maternal instincts make you doubt. I'm as maternal as the Ork army I'm currently painting, yet I'm female. BF is much more maternal, yet he's male. If a desire for maternity was necessary for identification as female, then we could put it on the list of "What being female is".
That list doesn't exist, though. And maternity's certainly not part of it.
So you shouldn't worry about that at all.

I never was a male transvestite nor a transwoman, therefore my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt, but here it is anyway. Transvestites don't wish their body matched the gender they're disguising as, as far as I know. If your sex causes you that much grief (or, hell, any grief at all), then I'll hazard a guess and say changing it to your desired one will help more than merely wearing clothes stereotypical to the opposite gender.
What I mean is that I think that if someone is seriously considering changing sex, then they're transgender. Not crazy or mistaken, just transgender. In fact, the only error you might be making would be to think you're a woman when you're actually genderqueer, agendered, or something else along these lines, but since you've been exposed to all these concepts here and still consider yourself a woman, then you're a woman.

For the rest, I don't know what I can say that would comfort you. Would hugs help? Have hugs, if you want.

[Lix Lorn]

(Hugs for... pretty much everyone)

And go look up today's SMBC!

[Lentrax]

@Zorg:

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For a long time, I considered myself trans. I began speaking to therapists to try and undergo HRT. I wanted so desperately to be someone else, to forget the person I was. I hurt every day (still do, but for different reasons). To say that the process willmake everything better would be telling a lie. I won't do that to you.

I will tell you, that you deserve to be who you want to be, not what others wish you to be. Will it make you better? No. Will it help you feel better? Heck yes.

I am still male because of one person. She gave me everything back that was taken from me. I am one of the few for whom love won out, no matter how briefly my time with her may have been. She understood what I was, what I was doing, and loved me for it. Sadly our love was not meant to be, but that is a whole other story, and not what I am trying to do here.

All I am trying to say, is that, if you believe that you will be with someone, and want your children to be your biological offspring, then you should seriously consider banking something. But before you do anything, you need to believe in yourself, in your spirit and soul, that you are who you wish to be.

Do that, sweetie, and everything else will sort itself out.

I hope I didn't just make things worse rambling like that.