Favorite lines

[grom the mighty]

'cure light wounds'
(attack)
'cure light wounds'
(attack)
'cure light wounds'
(ATTAAAACK)
.....'cure moderate wounds

I hate fighting clerics..........

[Kurald Galain]

All right, I'll admit it: I have no idea what the source of this line is.

OOPC, when Roy and Vaarsuvius first meet, Roy asks what V's skills are. V (of course) comes up with a long-winded speech with lots of verbose words explaining how he has mastered the laws of physics. Roy says he's hired. V says something like "you only hired me because I'm smart and you're not".

Roy then responds with a verbose and long-winded speech of how he needs a spontaneous exothermic reaction of at least the minimum combustion temperature of necrothermis. V just stares incredulously and asks "... you mean you want me to cast fireballls on the undead you expect to fight?"

Did I stutter?

[Koo Rehtorb]

"By the twelve gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know: who removed the tag from this mattress?!?"

Shojo: "It appears... not everyone... agrees with your... analysis."

[Sehfeld]

well i figured we'd just wander around, kill some sentient creatures because they had green skin and fangs and we don't, and then take their stuff -belkar

in retrospect that "W.W.T.D." thing be ne'er really as applicable ta my situation as 'tis supposed ta be -durkon

and once again, probability proves itself willing to sneak into a back alley and service drama as would a copper-piece harlot- V

[Amaril]

"Pray to whatever weird gods you serve, horse!"

--Belkar Bitterleaf

[Sith_Happens]

: "THAT'S how I use my Intelligence score in combat, DUMBASS!!"

[ReaderAt2046]

"I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner."

"Well, there's friendly contact with an evil outsider... and then there's "friendly contact" with an evil outsider. Know what I mean?"

"She has that Monk class ability which lets you jump as far as you want, only for her, it applies to conclusions."

"Gods, they can teach you to detect Evil but not sarcasm?" Shojo.

"Oh sorry, I kind of got distracted after you said "three-way"

[ReaderAt2046]

"Redcloak, I wouldn't go in there if I were you!"
"You are not me."
"I wouldn't go in there if I were me either. Which I'm pretty sure I am!"

[lio45]

I love this thread! It's just like going through an archive binge, except it's a lot less time-consuming and you only get the best parts. :D

[Xelbiuj]

"A shiny silver piece to the first person that can explain why Elan is running around naked."
"Giant moth attack?"
"Maybe a bad guy cast Dispel Clothes?"

^ So much better now that I have read SSDT.

Anyways;

"Ahhhh! It's hanging on me, get it off! Get it off!"

[Majiy]

"I prepared Explosive Runes this morning."

[Sedgewood]

Both from comic 409:

"Funny, I always figured I'd be killed by a paladin." -

"I'll stand between any two murderers I wish, thanks." - Hinjo

[Guunshtaff]

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0451.html

To sound the retreat now would further dishonor the sacrifice of every hobgoblin that has died here.
I may not be able to change the fact that I ordered them to their deaths, but I can damn well make certain they weren't in vain.
Order every hobgoblin, zombie, ghoul, or whatever else we have to charge that breach in the wall, and not to stop until they can feel the ocean spray on their faces.
We're going to win this war NOW.

[Tannhaeuser]

“Evan’s Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion!!!”
“Wait, what?”

[dtilque]

From Role Rversal

Awwww, man! I didn't know I was going to be the girl!


And for an entire strip of good lines: Plotting Something

[Heksefatter]

My favourite comes from the prequel comic SOD:

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"Goodbye...Redcloak."

That line was extremely powerful.

From the main comic it would be "Is yours always like this?" from Malack to V. For some reason I found the momentary sympathy between Malack and V encapsulated in that line hilarious.

[RedWarrior0]

If we're doing SOD, then this:

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"You had it so easy when you were my age!"
"When I was your age, I had a paladin's katana sticking out of my bloody eye socket."

[Draz74]

Goblins: "Hi, we're here to kill everyone?"
OK! *bonk* *bonk*

Thog! This isn't working!
thog reluctantly forced to agree!

I worship the ancient elven god of knowledge, keeper of secrets so mighty that even the smallest taste of them would shatter your sanity! My devotion to his arcane mysteries is absolute! I shall never renounce him! Never! Do you hear me? NEVER! NEVER!
I'll throw in a free coffee maker.
Does it do espresso?
No.
NEVER!

Hey.
That ... is considerably more resistance than I was expecting.
Ayup.
So, uh ... run away?
Nope. Charge.
*sniff* This is the happiest moment of my life.

Your approval fills me with shame.

My vengeance shall be prolonged, diminutive cretin.

Sorry, Roy. I just don't trust you enough to believe that you lied.

Vomit. Now. ... And aim for the halfling.

Apparently, getting your ass kicked is now a part of this complete breakfast.

So, I've met someone who is everything I thought I wanted, and I find that I really just want to kick her in the head.
Love is an epic-level challenge.

THUMP!
Ahhhh ... there it is.

Evenin'.
Shadowdancer: Evenin'.

Please explain why we're suddenly in such a hurry.
Four words: Out of fudge ripple.
oh, little ice cream friends! thog delays boredom-driven rampage only for you!

Why soak me with rice wine? To humiliate me?
Because halflings are good at throwing things other than daggers.
FWOOSH!
It's as true today as when I started adventuring: "When in doubt, set something on fire."
AAARRH!

Loki: Dude, don't taunt the god-killing abomination.

Chef: "Halfling Drop Soup."
Needs pepper.

Roy's Spot and Listen checks are too low to watch us all of the time, you androgynous twit.
Your doom shall be swift and silent -- like the owl.

Gordium called -- they have a knot that you might want to take a look at.

Huh. What was I just talking about, again? I think it was important.
I am ... uncertain.
Beats me.
Ffft. Like I listen.

*sigh* thog fears he will never again know the majesty of the gumdrop mountains.
Can I get through just ONE foreboding monologue without the half-orc upstaging me? Geez!

ALL of 344. I don't even know where to start.

Yokyok: Hello. My name is Yokyok. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Shojo's Wizard: You know, I didn't NEED to be a wizard. It's not like I enjoy ferrying adventurers all over the place ... I coulda been a baker, you know. They said my cherry turnovers were the best they ever tasted. Bundt, bundt, bundt, bundt ...

not nale. not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.
*beat*
Guard: Pleading insanity, then?

You might want to mention that at your next performance review. It might get you that raise you really want. Get it? A "raise"? Because you're dead? A "Raise Dead"? HA!
*beat*
Meh. They can't all be winners, you know. Gotta save the A-material for the PCs.

Aw, man! I lost twice. I suck.

That was friggin' fantastic. I wish this was a democracy so I could vote for that guy.
Really? Because right now I feel like he's been too soft on crime. Specifically, yours.

The knowledge that the fate of the entire multiverse hinges on their every action must be a terrible burden, haunting them constantly.
Who's up fer Parcheesi??
Sure.
What the hell, OK.

If you see any of your allies, kill them and keep their magic items for yourself.
You got it, boss.
While singing the complete score to "Meet Me In St. Louis."
...
At least now I can get back to enjoying my glass of elven wine in peace and quiet, without being called on to intervene in someone else's problems.
Clang, clang, clang goes the trolley!
Git away from me, ye daft fool!
Ring, ring, ring, goes the bell!
*sigh*

thog wonders how thog will cope with life outside jailhouse walls. prison changed thog.
We were only in there for 40 minutes.
prison changed thog quickly.

EPISODE 394 TITLE: "Hell hath exactly as much fury"

Oh, yeah? So, what, you think you could have come up with something more clever than Nale did?
Apparently.

... ok, that's the first 400. Enough time wasted for today.

[Reathin]

Thog's prison quotes were pretty spectacular.

"Thog not human ofal. Thog HALF-human ofal!"

Then the amazing "not nale, not-nale!" sequence, topped by the "what is ofal" zinger.

I'm not a huge Thog fan, but those were great.

I'm also pretty fond of "Disjunction", mostly for the context.

But I think the one line that made me fall apart laughing, as the best call back I've ever seen, was "guess what spell I cast before giving this to the bird".

[Agnostik]

And for an entire strip of good lines: Plotting Something

My absolute favorite OOTS strip. It's brilliant.

[ReaderAt2046]

Some great lines from the newest comic:

"Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle, fiddle around with really complex stuff!"

"Can you disarm them? Without, you know, a hapless kobold to kill?"
"If not, I think Nale has a spare I can get."

"We can't split the-I mean, we specifically named a book after this, for crying out loud!"
"Snips, Snails, and-"
"Not that one, honey."

[Umberhulk]

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing pixie dust."
-The Chief

[Gift Jeraff]

what is offal?

So, Uncle Xykon, what's the moral of the story? A big pile of spells isn't enough when the other guy has a big pile of spells AND the strength to crush your windpipe with his bare phalanges. And they died happily ever after. The End.

After almost being killed by my cunningly clever and devilishly handsome twin brother, Nale, I find that I am looking at everything in a different light. Everything, including you, Haley. I don't know how I never noticed how beautiful you are before. It probably has something to do with my overpowering mental defects and my annoyingly childish persona.

*Major SoD Spoilers*

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-I'll take a knish.

[Bulldog Psion]

Dang, you guys already hit all the high points!

[CoffeeIncluded]

The whole ghost-martyr sequence. Sends a shiver down my spine every time.

[AcerbicOrb]

No, really? Think how testy I can get, and I'm only the "Empress of Blood" for a few days every month. - Haley

And, of course:

I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!

[Arkylos]

"Silence Haley's latent bisexuality."
"YOU!BROKE!MY!SWORD!"
"TALKY-MAN BROKE THOG'S TUSK!"
"Guess what spell I cast before giving this to the bird."
Oracle:"Welcome to the village of Lickmyorangeballshalfling"
Tarquin:"If I win, I get to be a king. If I lose, I get to be a legend."
Tsukiko:"Why don't...you love...me?"
"Follow the bouncing ball, children."
"Paper beats rock!"
"Mass Enlarge Person!"
"Deny. Deny. Deny. Deny the pychopathic egomaniac!"
"You'll excuse me, of course, if I just go fix the world while you rot!"
"Oh. Oh no. I wouldn't touch your skinny uptight ass with a standard-issue 10-ft. pole, you overbearing self-righteous bitch"
"THAT'S how I use my Intelligence score in combat, DUMBASS!"
"It's not a bug, it's a feature.
"...weathercontrolweathercontrolweathercontrolweat hercontrolweather--"

And most importantly:
"I'M A SEXY, SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!"

[ReaderAt2046]

Random hobgoblin: "Supreme Leader, I have that lampshade you requested."
"Just hang it anywhere".

[Thrillhouse]

(When O-Chul takes his phylactery) Hey, what would all your paladin buddies say if they saw you picking pockets? You know, if I hadn't murdered them all.

"Humanoids. You think that just because my kind has stats for every stage of growth, it is perfectly acceptable to murder our children. Let us see how much XP your brood is worth, shall we? It will only take a few minutes. Who knows? Maybe I'll go all the way and skin your mate alive for a garment. Perhaps a hat."
--The Black Dragon from the Starmetal Cave

"Look at the fear in their eyes."
"Have they ever looked at you that way?"
"Will they ever look at you any other way now?"
-Ganonron, Haera, and Jephton(the soul splices)

[Gift Jeraff]

Normally, this sort of display is more my colleague's bailiwick...
...but your choice in decór forced me to summon my own interior decorators.
By which I mean they will be decorating mostly with your interiors.

No, no, see, this IS the alternate universe, I need to find my way back home to the real world.
Actually wait--never mind, stop looking.