The Culture explores 40K II: Now With 100% more Fanfiction

[The Glyphstone]

Golden Goose is tailing him in hyperspace.

While he will get away with it in the Warp, he can't really go anywhere without running into a Culture vessel eventually (especially since he still doesn't know where the Culture guys are, much less suspecting they have a ship hanging around outside Sol!). This lets him astropath about the Culture, but it doesn't let him turn the tech over.

And no, it's not remote detonation. They'll just actively destroy it via Effector.

Point.

Though that brings up an interesting question...the RT can use his Astropaths to send information out on a channel the Culture can't intercept or listen in on. That can't have escaped the Culture's notice...unless it has, for the purpose of hilarity.

[jseah]

Yes, next update is Orks. After that, there's the Eldar; which will be fast since there's only a few angry words about Necrons and poking their noses places.
There's not much left to do with the Eldar except a further exchange of culture. At this point, the closest thing the Culture have to an ally is the Eldar, and that is more like mutual understanding but not-quite-trust.

Then it's part 7.


The Culture have noticed astropathic choirs although they can listen in if he tries to use them in real space. Someone has to tell them what to say, and Golden Goose will hear that.
He can astropath in the Warp and they can't hear that no.

Not to mention, they probably have bugged every Choir this side of the galaxy already. So wherever he sends his message, they'll pick it up eventually.
It has to get out of the astropath chain some place.

[Forum Explorer]

The Exodite World:


They wouldn't care, instead they'd just be glad they didn't have to deal with the Chaos fleet themselves. Not that they'd show that gratitude.

[Gavinfoxx]

I think Eldar Pirates or Dark Eldar... also, if you can get access to that Dark Eldar 5th Edition Codex, that is where the Cultural Exchange story happens, and it is very interesting to read (pg 18 and 19).

Also, Dark Eldar have a working Medical STC Template, design, with a single purpose constructor. That's kinda a thing. It's a medical device/discovery called 'Panacea'. Just saying.

[Tavar]

Actually, you know, I think this sort of thing would lead to the Eldar starting to appreciate the hyperdrive. I mean, as far as tech goes it's fairly self contained, right? And there aren't limits on size or anything? If that's the case, suddenly some of the biggest issue of the Eldar are solved: craftworlds essentially stationary(in terms of a galatic sense)? Not any more.

Exodite or Maiden worlds cut off from the Webway, and thus vulnerable? Not any more.

Plus, you know, it's perfect for their tactics of fast, sudden strikes, then fading away.

Granted, they'd have to know about stuff like this episode, but it could make the Eldar much more appreciative of the Culture.

[Gavinfoxx]

*snip*

We already assume that the Eldar will install Hyperdrives on their craftworlds. At their own pace. In their own way. They are far, far, far too wary about Trojan Horses and other similar gifts with strings attached. They will first seek to entirely master the physics and craftsmanship and such involved, and once they are entirely sure that the devices don't contain any tricks or traps, they will bonesing their own versions and then install them, themselves.

[The Glyphstone]

They'll install hyperdrives very quickly, as a matter of fact. It's just that for Eldar, 'very quickly' is measured in decades or centuries.

[Gavinfoxx]

Personally, I think it would be interesting in that, given the differences in understanding of technology and such... the Eldar get to an impasse, where communicating technical details becomes very very difficult. Basically, what I am saying is manufacture a situation where the Eldar have to show The Culture at least something about the Bonesingers, and the different classifications of the lesser (ie, non-wraithbone) psychoactive materials, in order for meaningful give and take and education to happen.

And the Eldar, in turn, would probably be surprised and amused at how The Culture probably thinks that making art in the process of making stuff, by singing or playing an instrument that also links one, psychically and psychologically and mentally, via the peculiarities of the suit, to a tradition spanning tens and thousands of years. The Culture would totally eat that all up, right?

[jseah]

The Culture would totally eat that all up, right?

Yeah, they'll totally do it. The Culture love other people's culture.
(Player of Games has the local game community importing games from other civilizations... I don't doubt after that book, Azad players started to appear in the Culture)

If the Eldar do a proper tech integration, some of the Culture citizens might try to bonesing and find they need to be a psyker to do it. But still, as cultural artifacts, the Culture citizens would totally eat up small bonesung crafts.

As proper use though? Probably not. Like how the Eldar mistrust their tech, the Culture would also distrust Warp-based technology of all kinds. (they are similar to Necrons in that fashion)

[Gavinfoxx]

Note that if they DO show The Culture some bonesinging... it won't, you know, be the Wraithbone; it would probably be the lesser materials.

The existence of an actual physical item that you can hold in your hand and that you can't make meaningful molecular copies of, and that is actually scarce... wow, that'd be kinda a big deal.

Does anyone who knows more about the Eldar have any data to help Jseah make something plausible about the Eldar actually showing off? Like circumstances or anything?

[Eldan]

The Eldar have a massive superiority complex. I think if the culture keeps showing them new things, at one point they will just have to go"Well, yeah, but can you do... this?"

[jseah]

part 6.5 Orks

Spoiler

Show

Week 2
GCU Large Sticks Speak Softly intercepted an IoM astropathic request for aid involving an Ork incursion at a nearby farmworld. IoM ships had been dispatched to the world but the GCU arrived many days before them.

The Orks on the farmworld were in the process of overruning IoM resistance but the aggressiveness and tribal nature indicated a more primitive and unstructured society than a HS.

The IoM seem to be at war with virtually every non-IoM race or even IoM factions, judging from their history and number of races that they have exterminated or claimed to. This is a worrying prospect, although in fairness, nearly every non-IoM race has been claimed to have attacked them first.

The Orks on the farmworld massacred IoM civilians and destroyed living zones. While living zones and non-combat areas on the planet were spotted, the Orks do not appear to have much civilization or technology. A primitive language is being decoded and a mind-read protocol is being developed although strange difficulties have been encountered.

More interestingly, while the orks utilize crude improvised weapons, fashioned with a creativity and cunning that is impressive to behold, they appear to be able to make use of looted IoM weaponry. IoM weaponry is then subjected to various modifications that appear to increase its size and power only marginally.
These modifications are usually inefficient and unstable, resulting in unreliability of the equipment. These modifications do not appear to have any reasonable underlying principle but nevertheless appear to work as intended... sometimes. We suspect Warp phenomena.

Additionally, the Orks also appear to have a minor terraforming effect as they spread spores around them that appear to grow into mostly fungi or one of the ork types. One of these types appears to demonstrate overt Warp phenomena similar to IoM Psykers.

An SC team is being prepared for insertion to negotiate as soon as the crude language is deciphered.

So these are Feral Orks who have reappeared after the Waagh on this planet left.

Right. So a bunch of strange guyz, armed, walk towards an ork camp. Do the Orks shoot them on sight?
If not, will the Orks talk?

[Forum Explorer]

Note that if they DO show The Culture some bonesinging... it won't, you know, be the Wraithbone; it would probably be the lesser materials.

The existence of an actual physical item that you can hold in your hand and that you can't make meaningful molecular copies of, and that is actually scarce... wow, that'd be kinda a big deal.

Does anyone who knows more about the Eldar have any data to help Jseah make something plausible about the Eldar actually showing off? Like circumstances or anything?

There aren't any, not really. Books with Eldar in them are very very rare. The closest I can think of is where an Eldar artisan made a statue of one of their fallen gods. It may or may not have been made out of wraithbone.

part 6.5 Orks

Spoiler

Show

Week 2
GCU Large Sticks Speak Softly intercepted an IoM astropathic request for aid involving an Ork incursion at a nearby farmworld. IoM ships had been dispatched to the world but the GCU arrived many days before them.

The Orks on the farmworld were in the process of overruning IoM resistance but the aggressiveness and tribal nature indicated a more primitive and unstructured society than a HS.

The IoM seem to be at war with virtually every non-IoM race or even IoM factions, judging from their history and number of races that they have exterminated or claimed to. This is a worrying prospect, although in fairness, nearly every non-IoM race has been claimed to have attacked them first.

The Orks on the farmworld massacred IoM civilians and destroyed living zones. While living zones and non-combat areas on the planet were spotted, the Orks do not appear to have much civilization or technology. A primitive language is being decoded and a mind-read protocol is being developed although strange difficulties have been encountered.

More interestingly, while the orks utilize crude improvised weapons, fashioned with a creativity and cunning that is impressive to behold, they appear to be able to make use of looted IoM weaponry. IoM weaponry is then subjected to various modifications that appear to increase its size and power only marginally.
These modifications are usually inefficient and unstable, resulting in unreliability of the equipment. These modifications do not appear to have any reasonable underlying principle but nevertheless appear to work as intended... sometimes. We suspect Warp phenomena.

Additionally, the Orks also appear to have a minor terraforming effect as they spread spores around them that appear to grow into mostly fungi or one of the ork types. One of these types appears to demonstrate overt Warp phenomena similar to IoM Psykers.

An SC team is being prepared for insertion to negotiate as soon as the crude language is deciphered.

So these are Feral Orks who have reappeared after the Waagh on this planet left.

Right. So a bunch of strange guyz, armed, walk towards an ork camp. Do the Orks shoot them on sight?
If not, will the Orks talk?

Yes they will shoot on sight. No they won't actually aim. No it doesn't matter if they were armed or not.

[jseah]

part 6.5 Orks

Spoiler

Show

Week 3, Day 1
A working understanding of the Ork language has been fashioned, although it appears to have dialects.

The SC team placed near an Ork camp was ambushed nearly immediately as they passed a nearby sentry. While the attack was easily repelled by effectors and handheld HEED devices, this does not bode well for the possibility of peaceful contact.

The team has been extracted after causing some damange to the Ork settlement. Biological samples have been taken for analysis.

Following the trail of IoM records of Ork movements, this GCU will proceed to a neighbouring system that the Ork fleet is suspected of being harboured in.

The IoM fleet has arrived. As we left the system, IoM ships were seen bombarding Ork positions from orbit.

Week 3, Day 5
We have arrived in a system to find a number of strange misfitting ships with technological artifacts that resemble Ork tinkering seen on the IoM farmworld.

The Orks are currently in combat with an awakened Tomb World, the Necrons being beaten back below the top level. These Orks appear to be much more well organized than the primitive tribal orks seen on the IoM farmworld.

Significant warp phenomena was detected in multiple instances from the Orks side, while none, apart from energy fields between mobile pyramids, were detected from the Necrons.

I suspect Necron tech is not susceptible to Ork looting?

Now that they have tracked down a minor Waagh unusually quickly... >.>
will *these* orks talk?

[Forum Explorer]

Orks can loot anything


However most Necron tech is teleported back to base and repaired so there isn't much to loot.

[jseah]

Coz if the Orks aren't going to talk, and will just shoot on first sight (even if they were " 'ust testing"), I'm afraid the Orks about to go the way to the Tyranids.

Inability to negotiate is kinda the thing of HSes.

EDIT: Well, they were always going to end up that way, but I was hoping for a bit more... you know, hilarity.

[Selrahc]

Orks talk sometimes. Depends on the clan more than anything. Temporary alliances between Orks and Imperials have been noted, and Orks are certainly perfectly willing to work as mercenaries for the Chaos Space Marines or other unscrupulous individuals. Always with the intention of coming back and crumping them later, obviously. The Orks are also perfectly willing to take human slaves and vassals. They come, you give them tribute, they leave.

Blood Axes or Deathskulls are the ones you're looking for. That is, sneaky tricksters who are seen as a bit unorky and humie like; and Lootaz supreme with a big technology fetish.

Goffs are almost never going to talk. They're the most fanatical/puritanical about being Orky. Snakebites and proper Ferals are a bit too uncomplicated to talk.

Evil Sunz(Speed freaks) and Bad Moons(Rich/Flash gitz) are sort of a wild card, leaning more towards not talking.

Mainstream Ork kultur takes elements from all these clans, as well as the fringe Oddboyz. So maybe they'll talk. Show dominance, announce your intentions, be clear. Orks respect power. Time for a bit of the old ultraviolence, my droogs. Orks are also more likely to be reasonable if encountered away from a big group. Less suffused with waaagh energy. Gretchin will cower and beg for their lives at the first sign that things are going bad, but they're far too stupid to reason things through and will betray any deals they make pretty much as soon as they make them.

The Orks will universally be fabulously unimpressed by the Culture if the conversation starts drifting onto anything "Nice".

[Gavinfoxx]

Orks do talk, but you have to shoot them or beat them up a little bit to establish dominance and get them to talk.

Ideal response to get Orks to talk: *Shoot the big one, causing him to explode* "Oi! Listen here ya soddy gits! I just krumped da biggest one o ya, and I'll krump anyone who doesn't listen to me! I'm here to talk, not fight. I've got stuff to trade, like guns wit lotsa zappa, and I know of a place with good fightin', and a way to get lotsa teef and good loot, but I gotta talk to you boyz first!"

[Eldan]

Orks can and will loot anything:

Spoiler

Show

[jseah]

Mainstream Ork kultur takes elements from all these clans, as well as the fringe Oddboyz. So maybe they'll talk. Show dominance, announce your intentions, be clear. Orks respect power. Time for a bit of the old ultraviolence, my droogs. Orks are also more likely to be reasonable if encountered away from a big group. Less suffused with waaagh energy. Gretchin will cower and beg for their lives at the first sign that things are going bad, but they're far too stupid to reason things through and will betray any deals they make pretty much as soon as they make them.

The Orks will universally be fabulously unimpressed by the Culture if the conversation starts drifting onto anything "Nice".

The thing is that the Culture doesn't know any of that. The Culture likes to talk and when they can't talk because the other people are too hostile (and not just socially xenophobic like the IoM, the orks whack everyone including each other), they are liable to get labeled as a HS.

And the Culture doesn't like exerting ultraviolence. Even when they have to kill, they kill efficiently and cleanly if possible. From what I gather, they approach attacks on non-equiv-tech civilizations more like an execution than a war.

Requiring that they exert loads of flashy violence on the orks just to get them to listen will result in alot of Ork warbands mysteriously vanishing before they figure that out.

[jseah]

Eldan.... is... is that a looted Tyranid?

[Gavinfoxx]

Requiring that they exert loads of flashy violence on the orks just to get them to listen will result in alot of Ork warbands mysteriously vanishing before they figure that out.

And nothing of value was lost, cause all of the information on ork Kulture and tech is encoded in their genes. They really should look more closely at the ordos xenos archives from Sol...

And I don't think Orks looting a Tyranid is, um, canonical...

Orks Mostly loot human stuff, and they can loot Tau stuff... I don't know if they loot Eldar or Dark Eldar...


Remember that some of their tech is works because of psychic resonance making up for bad construction and manufacturing habits, and some of their tech works because psychic resonance says it should work at all.

[Brother Oni]

I'm just hoping for a ROU to pick up some ork 'pets' like White Devil has done with the necron warriors.

On a more serious note, if a Mind can put on a show of lots of firepower (the noiser and flashier the better, effectiveness is secondary), some of the orks may take a liking to this new entity.

In the event that a Mind could isolate a couple boyz, they may be willing to accept the Mind's avatar form as their new boss, provided it can demonstrate suitably ork-y style leadership (ie, kill a couple and keep on administering non lethal beatings to the others until they submit).
Once they get that going, the ROU just keeps on stomping orks (not difficult) using its own avatar and boyz to get the survivors to accept its leadership, until it has enough orks to start its own Waaagh.

Would the Culture be willing to infiltrate and re-purpose a borderline HS species like the orks, or would that be against their ethics? While the principle sounds underhanded enough to fit Special Circumstances' MO, I don't think the 40K-verse is ready for a Culture lead Waaagh.

[Gavinfoxx]

Culture-led Waaagh.

"Culture-led Waaagh."

"Culture-led Waaagh."

I don't care how you do this, but you MUST make this happen! Also, the plan to find a system and set up a perfect (technically invincible, but seems like it isn't, and fits the Ork psychological and cultural profile perfectly...) Foe for Orks to fight, in order to get the Waagh to end all Waaghs, is totally made of awesome and MUST happen...

[Brother Oni]

I can just imagine it now:

Spoiler

Show

GCU Large Sticks Speak Softly report Week 4, Day 2.

ROU I Blame the Parents has requested a change of name to 'Moar Dakka' [sic].

On further investigation, the ROU has taken a number of orkoid lifeforms aboard, which are currently re-painting its hull red. When questioned, an ork identifying itself as a 'Big Mek' (see attached Appendix B for thus far elucidated ork hierarchy') replied " 'ta make da boss go fasta, see? Cor boss, summa yer mates ain't too bright arr dey?"

Multiple linguistics teams are currently working on an intelligible translation as ROU Moar Dakka is not available for reply.

[jseah]

It is still predicated on the Culture figuring out that the Orks are lead by solely on a power hierarchy instead of social ties.

Still, I have a plan. A Plan. =D 'ware the writer's mind when he's a-thinking.

part 6.5 Orks, continued

Spoiler

Show

Scans of the planet and loss rates indicate that the Necron forces are likely to lose the battle eventually. Since we are attempting to have friendly contact with the Necrons, GCU Large Sticks Speak Softly has decided to intervene in the battle to save the Necrons.

The Orks are almost certainly a HS as the SC team landed on the surface was also attacked. Nevertheless, we are willing to use them as... insurance against the Necrons if the need so arises.

The Orks around the major entrances to the Tombs have been cleared by mass Displacer to space. The Ork fleet in orbit has been demolished by CREWs and further separated into 1 meter length chunks when parts of them were rebuilt and activated by the Orks on board.
Total operation time: 10 seconds.

Heavily armed Contact and SC teams have been deployed to the planet above the entrance zones, with a specific anti-fungal nanobot load designed to clean Culture held areas from Ork fungi infiltration.

A transmission was made to the Necrons along the noted channels. Despite our help in relieving the siege, the Necron Lord in charge of this planet appears to be nearly insane. His impression that we are the Eldar here to kill him is not reassuring.

Have fun guessing what's about to happen next, but it's late, I need to sleep. =(

There be lots of talking tomorrow.

[Eldan]

And I don't think Orks looting a Tyranid is, um, canonical...

Canonical or awesome? There's only one orky response to that question. (Shooting the one asking.)

Google "Looted Carnifex", though. There's tons.

[Selrahc]

Requiring that they exert loads of flashy violence on the orks just to get them to listen will result in alot of Ork warbands mysteriously vanishing before they figure that out.

I don't know... are the Culture watching the Orks before they try and contact them? It's pretty easy to figure out that even amongst themselves, Orks rely on flashy violence to emphasize a point and ensure that things get done. Orks are also one of the more well understood Xenos species by the Imperium, so they have that resource base to draw on.

And the Culture is willing to play the game. If all they need to do is a bit of flashy pyrotechnics, and a willingness to administer a physical beating, I'm sure they would be willing to. I mean... they're willing to talk to the Affront. And the Affront walk around with portable torture victims on sticks.

[Brother Oni]

Google "Looted Carnifex", though. There's tons.

I forget, is a Carnifex a synapse creature?

[jseah]

And the Culture is willing to play the game. If all they need to do is a bit of flashy pyrotechnics, and a willingness to administer a physical beating, I'm sure they would be willing to. I mean... they're willing to talk to the Affront. And the Affront walk around with portable torture victims on sticks.

That's a Point.

They're willing to talk to anybody though. And perhaps the idea of using turning the Orks to lead the biggest Waagh ever into the Eye of Terror might be something SC could contemplate doing.