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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    dragonsamurai77's Avatar

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    Default Help My Writing!

    About a year ago, I started writing an OC-only Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic, and put it on fanfiction.net. Unsurprisingly, I got no reviews, and stopped. Now, I'm trying to continue it. The reason I'm here is specifically my writing; I'd appreciate it if the Playground could critique it based solely on how well-written it is. (I don't care how much you actually know about the subject matter, though again, it's all OCs; all I care about here is the actual quality of my writing)

    Link:
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7538288/...Lords-of-Egypt
    Dragonflame Dancer

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help My Writing!

    Well, I for one will help you. I was a big fan of Yu gi oh! when I was younger. In addition, I have my own story I'm writing here on this forum that I've started writing again after re-editting all the old parts. I've also been told that I'm a good writer.

    Give me a little time, but I'll be sure to help you.

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    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help My Writing!

    The grammer and sentence structure is pretty good. The only thing I can say is I got a little lost. I was expecting a little more directly related to the monsters in Yu-gi-oh and was not prepared to suddenly get hit by a massive amount of backstory. Maybe if you wait to prepare the back story until a little of the current setting has passed would've been better. Other than that, I don't have anything else to tell you.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    leakingpen's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help My Writing!

    Actually, pretty good for a first major fiction outing! You've got some chops.

    You overuse tags a bit to my mind. Have dialouge, then a new paragraph with the reaction.

    Not, This was news to everyone there. Instead, show it,

    Muttering went around the room, his advisors looking at each other, confusion on their faces. It was clear to all that none of them had heard this story before.

    Beyond that, keep writing! The more you practice, hopefully, the better you get. I won't knock fanfic, but I would suggest writing your own story as soon as you feel comfortable (if you have no idea for a plot, I'd be happy to toss a few ideas your way to start them. ) because you need to develop your own style and voice, and fanfic, by definition, limits that.

    Keep up the good work! And have fun with it.
    Hey everyone! Dyluth and I have a new project coming up, a steam/diesel punk webcomic. Please take a look!



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  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    dragonsamurai77's Avatar

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    Default Re: Help My Writing!

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    The grammer and sentence structure is pretty good. The only thing I can say is I got a little lost. I was expecting a little more directly related to the monsters in Yu-gi-oh and was not prepared to suddenly get hit by a massive amount of backstory. Maybe if you wait to prepare the back story until a little of the current setting has passed would've been better. Other than that, I don't have anything else to tell you.
    Yeah, I wanted to try to go ahead and introduce all the characters early on. Too late to change it now, so I'll just try to take it more slowly from now on.

    Quote Originally Posted by leakingpen View Post
    Actually, pretty good for a first major fiction outing! You've got some chops.

    You overuse tags a bit to my mind. Have dialouge, then a new paragraph with the reaction.

    Not, This was news to everyone there. Instead, show it,

    Muttering went around the room, his advisors looking at each other, confusion on their faces. It was clear to all that none of them had heard this story before.

    Beyond that, keep writing! The more you practice, hopefully, the better you get. I won't knock fanfic, but I would suggest writing your own story as soon as you feel comfortable (if you have no idea for a plot, I'd be happy to toss a few ideas your way to start them. ) because you need to develop your own style and voice, and fanfic, by definition, limits that.

    Keep up the good work! And have fun with it.
    I figured that dialogue was one of my main issues, but now I have a concrete way to try and fix it. Thank you!
    Dragonflame Dancer

    Wolf Warrior

    WIP: The Chessmaster

    Avatar made by Ninjaman.

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