I am seriously pissed off and need to vent.

[Dusk Eclipse]

This semester due personal reasons I changed from one university to another one and due my late inscription (I presented the admission test during the first week of classes) and because of that I wasn't able to take the TOEFL exam which is a requirement to take foreign language courses (you need to at least have passed Remedial English to take the other course); but since I took the test 2 years ago and passed with 627 point my career director said that even taking the advanced English courses would be a waste of my time, ok I admit that felt good, and that I shouldn't worry about that. Fair enough and even then I couldn't take any foreign language courses since the only open spots were for the Advanced Russian group.

Fast-forward to last week, when I received an e-mail from my career director telling us that we need to have the TOEFL for next term or we would have to take the English courses from Remedial I. Due exams and projects I couldn't make the time to go schedule my test until yesterday. I talk with an intern at the offices and she tells me there are two days I can present it the exam, today or next thursday so I obviously prefer to schedule it for next week. Long story short it turns that today was the last day for normal students, it turns out the final exam for the people in Remedial classes is taking the TOEFL and since I am not on those course I can't.

Oh and have I mentioned I've studied English throughout all my school life? Since I was 3 years old? That I have all the Cambridge examination up to the proficiency test with honours? That I have A on my English IGCSE? Or that I got a 5 on my IB English literature course? But that doesn't matter since the school only acknowledges the TOEFL, which for some idiotic reason is only valid for a year after I take it; but that is obvious since you can forget a language that you have studied all your life in just one year.

Thankfully I managed to talk with my director and explain the situation and as long as I don't try to take a foreign language course next term I can present the TOEFL in January and avoid the remedial courses. I know that since everything will work alright I shouldn't be angry any-more; but I seriously need to vent after this.

Anyway thanks for reading this.

Oh and I am sure that irony and Murphy's law will make so that in my anger/ranting/venting this post will be plagued by typos and grammar mistakes.

[Temotei]

Sad day. Sorry to hear it. At least it's sort of cleared up, though, right? There's a bright side when there might not have been otherwise.

[Haruki-kun]

Aww, man. I'm sorry. I know the feeling, I was going to apply for a one semester exchange to Australia, but the Australian schools didn't accept the American TOEFL as a valid exam and wanted me to take the IBT or IELTS, so I didn't go.

It really sucks.

[Dusk Eclipse]

I know; but still it was extremely vexing having to jump through all those hoops to prove I have an adequate English level. Anyway I'll have to schedule in January so I don't have to worry about the stupid exam till then.

[Weimann]

That kind of crap can be so annoying. I feel for you.

[Dusk Eclipse]

Aww, man. I'm sorry. I know the feeling, I was going to apply for a one semester exchange to Australia, but the Australian schools didn't accept the American TOEFL as a valid exam and wanted me to take the IBT or IELTS, so I didn't go.

It really sucks.

Yeah, one of the reasons I want to take another language is to be able to apply for an exchange in my 5th semester and to maximize my chances I was suggested to take German and not being able to start next term is delaying me even more.

That kind of crap can be so annoying. I feel for you.

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

[Doc_Pippin]

Ya I see the point at which this would become annoying but im just gonna leave these here and see if they change your perspective a bit on what is and what is not stressful.

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3qmok0/
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/36gj5m/
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ohiam/

Not to be mean but from our point of view bureaucratic systems are nothing.

Also if your read this and think that the Military vs College mentality is pointless or that the Military members don't understand the stress of college just know that we really do because while I've been in I've gotten my M.Ed and done multiple combat tours.

[Dusk Eclipse]

To be blunt, yes college is stressful, definitely not as stressful as being in the military; but saying it isn't is frankly offensive. Perhaps you can cope with both college and being in a military tour, I am not a military and I doubt I could manage that kind of lifestyle, people who are have nothing less than my utmost respect, at the moment I can barely keep up with my life so I really don't need you posting that kind of stuff when I am feeling down and just wanted to vent.

[Saskia]

Ya I see the point at which this would become annoying but im just gonna leave these here and see if they change your perspective a bit on what is and what is not stressful.

Nobody even gave the slightest hint that military service isn't stressful, so you're not offering a flattering image of yourself.

Don't miss my point, I very much appreciate your service and I'm glad that there are men and women like you brave enough to stand effectively between the people I love and the people willing to sacrifice them on the altar of ideological difference. Thing is, it's hard to think well of somebody who acts as if expecting worship for it.

Besides, by your logic even you have no right ever to complain at all about anything because in Africa, starvation, AIDS, and dysentery are currently in the middle of a race to see how many children they can kill. I'd rather be shot to death than live having to watch impotently as my own offspring dies just because I was born in an awful part of the world.

[Traab]

Nobody even gave the slightest hint that military service isn't stressful, so you're not offering a flattering image of yourself.

Don't miss my point, I very much appreciate your service and I'm glad that there are men and women like you brave enough to stand effectively between the people I love and the people willing to sacrifice them on the altar of ideological difference. Thing is, it's hard to think well of somebody who acts as if expecting worship for it.

Besides, by your logic even you have no right ever to complain at all about anything because in Africa, starvation, AIDS, and dysentery are currently in the middle of a race to see how many children they can kill. I'd rather be shot to death than live having to watch impotently as my own offspring dies just because I was born in an awful part of the world.

This, entirely this. People who try to say you arent allowed to complain because someone somewhere has it harder than you annoy the life out of me. Its like reading an editorial that tries to chastise us for complaining about tax rates when the prison system has such a high recidivism rate, (or whatever, they have a billion things they say we should worry about instead) Its completely avoiding the actual topic and attempting to dismiss its validity simply because there is something they feel is more important to worry about out there. I dont know if that counts as a strawman or not, but it has to be some sort of debating fallacy.

[Haruki-kun]

I know; but still it was extremely vexing having to jump through all those hoops to prove I have an adequate English level.

Maybe you should just show them your first post in this thread and ask them if someone who typed that out should be taking remedial English.

[Dusk Eclipse]

If I could, you bet I would.

[Doc_Pippin]

Nobody even gave the slightest hint that military service isn't stressful, so you're not offering a flattering image of yourself.

Don't miss my point, I very much appreciate your service and I'm glad that there are men and women like you brave enough to stand effectively between the people I love and the people willing to sacrifice them on the altar of ideological difference. Thing is, it's hard to think well of somebody who acts as if expecting worship for it.

Besides, by your logic even you have no right ever to complain at all about anything because in Africa, starvation, AIDS, and dysentery are currently in the middle of a race to see how many children they can kill. I'd rather be shot to death than live having to watch impotently as my own offspring dies just because I was born in an awful part of the world.

Like I said change your perspective a bit I have witnessed first hand everything you listed and so much more, and that is what I look too when I feel overwhelmed. I simply use the military as an example because no matter how much I could try to explain the real sorrows of the world noone can know without seeing them first hand. It's also easier to use the military in a meme/joke form because while a serious profession it's not as tender of a subject.

On the other hand though being 'shot' is the least of the military members worries I have seen people burn to death slowly in an vehicle that we could not get to because we were under constant fire. I heard them scream for hours before they died. So I find your final statements to be more than a little insulting to their memory, I'm sure its not intentional, but bleeding out of one's anus is always more desirable than slow roasting.

I don't think that because I AM MILITARY, WORSHIP MY PEN-15. Simply look at your problems and really look at them and think well its not that bad.

The best example in the world was a kid I met in Haiti after the earthquake. He had lost everything anyone could lose short of his life, but be damned if he didn't smile ear to ear and laugh. No matter how much life craps on you, the only reason you suffer is because you allow yourself too.

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional.
(Zen Aphorism)

On a different and perhaps more direct Zen mentality as a bit of humor, subtlety, and wit.

@ The comment of
"I am not a military and I doubt I could manage that kind of lifestyle"

Rather than approaching it indirectly I will be blunt, No matter how much they say "The Few, The Proud, The Ect." Anyone can do anything! When you feel like your body is giving out and too sore to move. Realize that at that point your only working at 4%. The same goes for your stress level, the mind is gloriously powerful. Never undersell the human capability to be awesome.

[An Enemy Spy]

Like I said change your perspective a bit I have witnessed first hand everything you listed and so much more, and that is what I look too when I feel overwhelmed. I simply use the military as an example because no matter how much I could try to explain the real sorrows of the world noone can know without seeing them first hand. It's also easier to use the military in a meme/joke form because while a serious profession it's not as tender of a subject.

What is your deal anyway? You come here, add nothing to the conversation, and just say "pffft, that's nothing. Everyone look at MEEEEEEE!!!!"

[Doc_Pippin]

My deal... Is to blatantly tell anyone who gets stressed out by stupid things that its pointless, stupid, and a waste of time. Don't stress anything just work to fix it.

[KuReshtin]

My deal... Is to blatantly tell anyone who gets stressed out by stupid things that its pointless, stupid, and a waste of time. Don't stress anything just work to fix it.

And that is exactly what the OP has tried to do, but school bureaucracy has seemingly worked against him in this endeavour, and therefore he is a bit frustrated and needs to vent.
Also, I can't see how you can say that school and trying to get an education is a 'stupid thing' to get stressed out over.

[Dusk Eclipse]

First of all I have already fixed this problem before I even posted the thread and yes it is a minor thing to be stressed about; but calling it stupid and pointless is just plain rude. The fact that my problems aren't on the same scale as yours doesn't make them any less valid.

I am a full time student whose primary concern is getting good grades like many others and maybe you have been on a bunch of tours where you have seen horrible things, I am sorry for what you have seen and I really respect that you are willing to do that; but that doesn't give you the right and blatantly calling my problems stupid or a waste of time. So please don't.

[Aedilred]

Telling somebody to be less stressed over something that's important to them - whether or not it seems "stupid" to you - is possibly the least useful advice imaginable. It's like telling a drowning man to grow gills.

I'm also going to second the query about how getting an education is "pointless, stupid and a waste of time".

[Saskia]

It's also easier to use the military in a meme/joke form because while a serious profession it's not as tender of a subject.

What are you on about?

I have seen people burn to death slowly in an vehicle that we could not get to because we were under constant fire. I heard them scream for hours before they died. So I find your final statements to be more than a little insulting to their memory, I'm sure its not intentional, but bleeding out of one's anus is always more desirable than slow roasting.

One of my cousins was tank crew and that's how he died; damage to the hatch and engine. It didn't take hours. I was being tactful by leaving out less horrific means. My brother was a bullet catcher in the Marine Corps (he's still kicking, just not combat personnel anymore), and I got to know a lot of his Corps friends. Literally every single veteran or enlisted member I've talked to prefers to leave harsh deaths implied instead of explicit because they don't want to think about it if they don't have to. This conversation lost any whiff of legitimacy.

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional.
(Zen Aphorism)

What is bred in the bone will not leave the flesh.
The man who wants to beat the dog will always find a stick.
(Czech proverbs)

[The Succubus]

My deal... Is to blatantly tell anyone who gets stressed out by stupid things that its pointless, stupid, and a waste of time. Don't stress anything just work to fix it.

Humans are not robots. Stress is a biochemical reaction that will occur even in the most calm and centred individual. Pretending that it doesn't exist or supressing it will do you absolutely no favours in the long run.

Rage on, OP!

[pendell]

Humans are not robots. Stress is a biochemical reaction that will occur even in the most calm and centred individual. Pretending that it doesn't exist or supressing it will do you absolutely no favours in the long run.

Rage on, OP!

Agreed.

People get stressed out over all kinds of things, some legitimate and some not. But even if the stress is over something trivial, the phenomenon of stress is real.

I think those under stress should be allowed to process stress in their own way. Doing so will help them achieve whatever mission they have in life.

I have no military training, but my understanding is that military training does not exist to teach people not to be stressed -- it is to teach them how to function in spite of it. To accomplish the mission even though it IS the perfectly normal, human thing to crawl up into a ball , or panic.

And the OP DID accomplish the mission. That's an important point. The flip side of a "no excuses" attitude is that, just as one gives no excuse for failure, so one also makes no apologies for success.

But stress is something we all have to deal with. Maybe if a person has been through a car fire (I have) a lot of things in life seem silly to get stressed over. But it isn't possible to transmit that knowledge in any way beyond the intellectual. It's something a person has to experience for themselves, or not.

Which means that comparing one person's suffering to situations they have never been in is to tell them that their feelings and experiences are illegitimate.

And that is something I will never NEVER NEVER say to another person whom I know only through an internet forum. I have nowhere near the knowledge of their life or what else is going on to make such a judgement.

Suffering is natural to the human condition. We all are , from time to time, crushed under emotional burdens too great to carry. The place of friends is to help them carry their burden, not kick them while they're down. If I can't help because I don't have the strength, at the very least I can keep silent.

But I'll leave the "shape it up" or "be tough" or "there are starving children in Africa who have it worse than you" lectures, if needed at all , to meatspace sergeants or bosses or parents or authority figures. Someone who knows the person well enough to have both the knowledge and the right to criticize them. I'm not going to assume a role I am in no way qualified to fulfill.

That doesn't mean I have to go to the opposite extreme and indulge an attention whore whose sole interest is in having people give him/her sympathy. But one post from someone does not an attention whore make.

And maybe it's time to repost this cartoon again .

As a rule, telling a person that their feelings or suffering is illegitimate is not helpful in getting them to come out of their funk. In the cartoon and in my own experience, it usually makes a person feel worse without giving them the power or the strength to come out of it.

I hold myself accountable for my actions, and I know that I encounter people daily who are teetering on the brink of an emotional pit of despair. Been their myself. And in my experience a hand up or an encouraging word is more useful than a kick in the face. So I deploy encouragement far more frequently than criticism. In fact, I consider unasked-for criticism of a stranger to be rude.

The man who wants to beat the dog will always find a stick.
(Czech proverbs)

Agreed.

ETA: I have quickly done some reading and come up with what I believe are helpful links.

Link 1: The Mourner's bill of rights . I think it applies to anyone under any form of stress and not just mourning in particular.

Link 2: discussing relationships

When you express how you feel hurt or angered by a specific behavior, the other person may try to tell you that you have no right to feel that way. You might be told, "You have no right to be sad" or, "You have no right to be jealous" or, "You have no right to be angry." You may be told that you are wrong to have the feelings you do.

If the other person tells you that you have no right to your feelings, it may be because they do not really understand how emotions work. Or perhaps they want to divert attention from their own bad behavior by blaming you instead.

Realize that your emotions belong to you. They are real and they are yours. You have a right to respect your own feelings, values and dignity, and to ask that others do the same.

Bolding mine.

So it seems that emotions are a subjective thing and not something we humans can easily criticize in another human being. We can criticise their actions to some extent, and we can help them process their emotions in their own way. But we have no right to decide what feelings a person is experiencing are or are not legitimate. To do so is an affront to the other person's dignity as a human being.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[AndToBeLoved]

Ohhh, I've been there. School stress is a special kind of stress that really can't be compared to anything else. Seriously. The last school I attended didn't even have people to answer the phones. If you had to talk to someone, you had to leave a message and pray that someone got back to you. Very frustrating - especially when you're already frustrated. I pretty much have no faith in the school system, currently. I know many people with HUGE student loan debts who can barely find retail work. But...that's a whoooole other topic.

[Arcanist]

My deal... Is to blatantly tell anyone who gets stressed out by stupid things that its pointless, stupid, and a waste of time. Don't stress anything just work to fix it.

To quote Elan...

Hey, just because YOU don't care about something doesn't mean that no one else does.

Although I do not know the hell you are facing, I'm glad that you could let all of this out. Now go out, have a beer and sit down for a good show. But I'm sure by now you've all but resolved this. Regardless, my arm is gentle resting on your back yelling you to march forward and conquer all who oppose you (especially our Bureaucratic Society!)

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff: Locked for review.