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Thread: Poetics: a try

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Mattaeu's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    The Misunderstood SLC

    Default Poetics: a try

    I found writing this piece incredible fun.

    and I think it turned out well(forgive the periods, i have to have it setup this way as an intro to the next reading{also, [center] sucks :P}):

    .........................in discreet words

    ..........and an apple is lost
    ......................to a bi-folding
    .....................page

    .around the edges of the
    .......................skin red
    .................the taut and thin when

    ......................with exactness
    ...............everyone becomes
    .......................the dust

    .......................and
    .............................-in our
    ..........................in discreetest-
    ........................our words
    ......................'melt
    .....................away'

    ........................the
    .....................earth with us
    ...................passes


    Enjoyed it? Well, now read it like this: the left lines of the stanza and then the right lines; as in read each stanza, one at a time, but in the stated manner:
    .........................in | discreet words

    ..........and an apple | is lost
    ......................to a | bi-folding
    .....................page |

    .around the edges of | the
    .......................skin | red
    .................the taut | and thin when

    ......................with | exactness
    ...............everyone | becomes
    .......................the | dust

    .......................and |
    .............................| -in our
    ..........................in | discreetest-
    ........................our | words
    ......................'melt |
    ....................away' |

    ........................the |
    .....................earth | with us
    ...................passes |

    :O Enjoyed it twice?
    comments if you wish, but thank you for reading overall.
    (sidenote: try to imagine it as appearing down the center of the page, typed on typewriter. it's just harder than nails to get this thing done right with {center])
    Mercy is the mark of a great man.
    *stab*
    Guess I'm just a good man.
    *stab*
    Well, I'm alright.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Canadia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Poetics: a try

    I loved it, once and twice. I wish I had your kind of cleverness with my poems, or your talent for imagery.
    Remember when I had an avatar?

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Mattaeu's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    The Misunderstood SLC

    Default Re: Poetics: a try

    Well thank you very much.

    Do you, or anyone reading, have suggestions for tightening up any loose ends? ie. do you get any message or theme, if that, coherently?
    Mercy is the mark of a great man.
    *stab*
    Guess I'm just a good man.
    *stab*
    Well, I'm alright.

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